Let it Snow, Let it Snow, Let it Snow

Okay, the title is a little sarcastic because I fully believe that it should only snow on December 24th, two to three inches, and melt by the 26th. Instead it was snowing when I woke up today and the ground was already completely white and it rarely stopped all day netting about five inches so far with a chance of more to come. Yippee. Shoveling today made it twice for this winter which was the exact amount I did the last two winters. What happened to this global warming that Al Gore went on and on about? Do I need to buy a bigger SUV to keep it from snowing again? Should I shell out for a Hummer?

What’s worse that actually looking out your window while the snow piles up is driving through it. I though I would be saved from having to trek all the way out to class tonight because all the snow but the cancellation didn’t come. Is there a worse feeling then hearing all the school closings and yours is the only one missing? I remember in grade school our superintendent had his own snow plow so he would refuse to close down our school system. One time we were out at the bus stop after every other school had closed and he actually drove by with his plow and said school was just going to be delayed one hour while he finished plowing.

But back to driving in the snow, I know all you Sammy Hagars out there can’t drive 55 but when visibility is less than a hundred yards could you please avoid weaving threw traffic like you were part of the Turn Left Only Circuit at Daytona on a clear day in the summer? Seriously, if you have a death wish can you please just put the shotgun in your mouth so you don’t take any innocent bystanders with you? Because instead of getting to your destination a whole two and a half minutes early what you actually end up doing is make everyone behind you late after you bring the traffic to a halt while the police scrap the remains of your car off the highway divider.

There are reasons why the government set speed limits the way they do and it’s not solely to spite you because you are too lazy to leave on time. If you have a lead foot you need something to take your mind off needing to break the law, you can always try listening to Have You Ever Been Mellow, look how well it worked for Dean O’Dell. Personally with all the driving I’ll be doing the next couple months I plan on passing the time listening to my main CD collection, which is already alphabetically ordered, all the way through. After two weeks I have been threw eight albums and is up to the self titled Audioslave album. Maybe I’ll give a prize to anyone who can guess the eight albums I have already listened to. Just a hint, I don’t have any Greatest Hits, Soundtracks, Live albums, or Compilations in my main collection.

Oh and by prize, I mean a pat on the back. And by pat on the back I mean a virtual pat on the back.

I Like This Show, it’s Tawdry week 4

Wow, now that was an exciting State of the Union speech. Just kidding, of course I was watching the new episode of Veronica Mars. Although I did flip over during commercials and was I smoking something illegal or was that Dikembe Mutombo sitting next to Laura Bush? That’s pretty random. But back to show that didn’t give you that creepy feeling that if anything were to happen to George Bush or Dick Cheney that Nancy Pelosi would be the president, Veronica Mars. If you missed the episode, head over to CWTV.com where you can stream the episode for free or hop over to iTunes where you can download it. While over at iTunes, check out the Official Veronica Mars Podcast to hear who was supposed to be the “Meat Is Murder” rocker and why the monkey (as in “Touch My…”) looked so familiar from the writers of the episode.

So six week have gone by in Neptune also and Lamb in Lamb fashion was quickly ruled Dean O’Dell’s death a suicide because, well, it’s more work if you have to track down a killer. And how nice of his widow to decide to find out if it was really a suicide not right away, but after realizing she was going to run out of money fast since life insurance doesn’t cover suicide. Of course the bottle of Scotch that the Dean was adamant about saving remained unopened leading Keith to take the case. Although this brings up the question; since the case was closed a couple weeks ago, why is the Dean’s office untouched?

But this episode really wasn’t about the Dean’s death, no, it was more about mocking our lovely neighbors to the north. It’s great to know in a time of political correctness and when someone says something stupid, equally stupid people come out in droves calling for their firing that it is still perfectly okay to make fun of Canadians, eh? I had the watch the scene again people I was laughing way to hard when Ronnie fired up the Barenaked Ladies and the subsequence dance by the girls. Although I was a little disappointed that back in my college years that I never thought aboot picking Canada for the Around the World; put on some Barenaked Ladies, have some Molson on ice and the latest NHL game for the Playstation all while wearing a hockey jersey.

Equally as entertaining was Dick’s idea of a good time even if it brought back memories of random dude’s junk appearing on my camera back in college. This episode actually brought up even more bad memories for me most notably Piz’s soliloquy to Ronnie that inspired her to go back to Logan even though everybody but Ronnie knew it was about her. I don’t even want to count how many times my speechifying moved a girl to hook up wit a dude that wasn’t me. Also bringing back bad memories was when the plant lady complained about the temperature and said, “If you wanted to see my nipples you should just ask” prompting the dude to raise his hand only for the chick to ignore him. Again, that type of exchanged has happened way too many time. Ladies if you offer, you have to come threw with your threat.

Speaking of Vee running back to Logan, may I point out; Vee with uber-bangs, Logan breaks up with her; Vee without uber-bangs, Logan takes her back. Not a coincidence. On more of this phenomenon, check out my Public Service Announcement. But hopefully this getting back together stuff doesn’t last long because Dick is right about Logan when he is with Ronnie, personally I prefer my Logan as an obligatory psychotic jackass. Will hookers be the final straw for Ronnie; or now that Ronnie seems to figure out what Piz’s speech was really about she will finally ditch Logan for good. Whatever the reason, hopefully it happens. Those two characters are much more entertaining apart.


My Way out Theory of the Week: Professor Landry did it. This is way out there in that it is too obvious. Maybe this mystery will be less about who did it like previous one, but instead how they did it and got away with it. I’m really rooting for this after the scene with Landry and Keith in the bar where Keith tried to get some sort of confession while Landry just swatted him like a fly. Them playing this cat and mouse game for the next couple episodes could be more entertaining than your usual who-done-it style.

I Like My Heroes to Be Honest and Strong

Long before Puff Daddy morphed into Diddy with forty name changes in-between, there was Johnny Cougar who is better known today as John Mellencamp. Unlike Puffy, who name changes may be to avoid being associated with his last failure of and album, Mellencamp had to do with shady management and shadier record companies. Throughout the eighties, Mellencamp played second fiddle to Bruce Springsteen when it came for being a voice for the working class and much like The Boss he is still around giving a voice to Middle America.

During the eighties, Mellencamp built his following looking at the underbelly of Reaganomics with anthems like Pink Houses releasing five albums during his presidency. Things have gotten much worse during the Bush era but Mellencamp has been conspicuously absent during the time taking his longest break between records, so there is plenty of material for Mellencamp on his latest album, and first since 2001, Freedom’s Road.

Undoubtedly you have heard the first single from the album and if you watch football I’m sure you are sick of My Country already. Luckily the song it stuck near the end of the album song you are already immersed in it and the song almost sounds fresh again. The rest of the album is much like My Country in that it isn’t overtly political so the songs don’t sound preachy, but if you want to be preached all you have to do is listen closely to the lyrics. Mellencamp saves his most biting commentary for the hidden track Rodeo Clown, but the drunken pool hall sing-a-long may even have the most ardent Bush backers humming along.

That’s not to say the album is even close to perfect, most notably The Americans with it’s overtly simplistic and patriotic lyrics sounds like something that was written by a fifth grader, well or Toby Keith. Aside from The Americans, the rest of Freedom’s Road spends its time giving mention to things that have gone unmentioned for way too long. Ghost Towns Along the Highway deals with the vanishing small towns across the nation. The title track reminds us that sometime people hide behind the word Freedom. Jim Crow, a duet with Joan Baez, is how racism has changed in post 9/11 America. Then Rural Road is a sad story about drugs, abduction, and murder in a small town and how the press deals with it all. Hopefully Mellencamp doesn’t wait as long for his next album as there are only two years left in this administration. Granted there is always Jeb ’08.

Song to Download - Ghost Towns Along the Highway

Freedom’s Road gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.

I Didn’t Come Here Looking for Trouble; I Just Came to Do the Super Bowl Shuffle

Before I wax poetic about the Super Bowl match up, I would like all of you to check out this post: Are You Ready for Some Football 2006 and scroll down to bottom. Okay for those who are too lazy, the post from back in September I predicted a Colts vs. Bears Super Bowl. So suck it Line Junkie and everyone else who laughed at me for picking Chicago or told me Peyton Manning couldn’t win the big game, which is one of the worst sports superlatives; it’s not that someone can’t win a big game, it is just someone else beat them. But enough of the gloating.

Of course now we have to wait eight weeks until they actually play the championship game, wait, what’s that? It is only college football that waits two months after the regular season to play the championship game. Sorry. Granted two weeks it kind of a wait in itself especially considering I’ll stop caring about the game by Thursday at the latest and will be anticipating the commercials more than the game. Although my interest may be extended a couple days if the Chicago Bears remake the Super Bowl Shuffle. Seriously, who doesn’t want to see Rex Grossman don a headband and try rapping? And really no one could be worse than The Fridge (of course the video is on YouTube, scroll down to the bottom of the post to see it). And is it basically a lock to see George Wendt on Saturday Night Live in two weeks? So before I stop caring, here’s my pick, and since I had them in the preseason, I’ll stay with Indianapolis 27-12 over Chicago.

However the close the game is, and they rarely are, the game can’t be as close as the championship game for my fantasy football league where I lost by half a point. What only added to the agony was that vaunted Cincinnati wide receiver Chad Johnson netted me negative one fantasy points in the finale. So had I just sat him and had and empty slot at the position I would be champion.

57 Channels and Only This Is On vol. III

Quote of the Week: “Last week I had a gang-banger tagging a dumpster. T looked so real the rival gang came in and shot him again.” (John Waters as a funeral director on My Name Is Earl)

Song of the Week: Humpty Dance (My Name Is Earl)

Big News of the Week: Stream the latest episodes of Veronica Mars, Everybody Hates Chris, Beauty and the Geek, Supernatural, Girlfriends, All of Us, The Game and One Tree Hill over at CWTV.com. Right now you can watch the last three or four episodes of the shows. The latest episodes will be up the day after it airs.

I gave the viewer a test drive and it’s much better than say ABC.com (which I routinely have problems with). The video can go larger than ABC or NBC but not complete full screen like CBS’s Innertube. It says that the video quality is near HDTV but my monitor isn’t so I really can’t tell but overall it is one of the best video experience on the web from the one video I watched.. And unlike the big three there are not even limited commercial breaks (yet).


I’m From Rolling Stone: I never knew that Wait (The Whisper Song) by the Ying Tang Twins was available in karaoke version. I’ll have to check out if old school misogynistic songs are know available because what group of guys wouldn’t like jumping onstage to give a rousing drunken rendition of Automobile.

Beauty and the Geek: A sad week as not only did Misfit get the boot on The (White) Rapper Show but Andrea Ciliberti didn’t survive the elimination round this week. Cue up It’s So Hard to Say Goodbye to Yesterday. And with her exit, Friday Night Lights is back to the must see show at that timeslot.

Let's Rob Mick Jagger: If I were to pick a theme song for my crime syndicate, I’d go with Take the Money in Run, not only is it a much better song than Tom Sawyer it has the built in hand claps that can help in building team unity.

Smallville: Even though he was The Flash Impulse first, it’s hard to see Beaver Casablancas as a good guy. And what was up with the medieval hairdo? Well he was recruited by a Robin Hood wannabe. After this episode I’m ready for the end of Smallville and a Justice League spin-off. Get rid of Martha, Lionel, and Lois, move Lex and Lana to recurring and keep the Clark, Green Arrow, Cyborg, Auqaman, Impulse, with Chloe holding down the fort at headquarters.

My Name Is Earl: John Waters as a funeral director may have been the best stunt casting of the year. Every one of his lines had me cracking up. Though an Honorable mention to Randy’s, “I’ve never had a legal massage before. What’s the point; it’s like drinking non-alcoholic beer.”

Pick of the Week: Veronica Mars, 9:00 Tuesday, The CW: After around two months of waiting Mars Investigation dives into the Dean O’Dell murder investigation. Personally I can’t wait to see Lamb’s reaction to the Dean’s murder mirrors a certain “Plan a Perfect Murder” paper (It’s safe to assume that that is how the Dean was killed and Ronnie wrote that paper, right?). Since this is the start of the new mystery arc, anyone can jump right in with little confusion. And since there is absolutely nothing else on against it (The State of the union will be broadcast on all the other stations, and since he spoke just last week, there won’t be anything new to say), might as well give Veronica Mars a try. Extra reason for all the dudes to watch; the possibility of Veronica getting naked as seen in this clip from the episode:




Promo of the Week: Of course it coincides with the Pick of the Week, a little more to wet your Veronica Mars appetite, really how can you go wrong with seduction, shame, and scandal?:

Public Service Announcement

Ladies and gentlemen, well, mostly this is for you ladies out there, there is a grown problem that has been plaguing our nation in recent months: chicks with uber-bangs. Some once hot chicks have for some reason have got caught spotting this trend and have become instantly unattractive. Recent causalities include:


Alicia Keys




The Asian Chick From Lost




Reece Witherpoon




and even Kristen Bell




In fact I was recently talking to my mother about the midseason finale of Veronica Mars and she told me, “I know why Logan broke up with Veronica.” Why? “Her new haircut.” Yes ladies, sporting bangs like these are break-up-able offence. So don’t do it. And it’s not even hot chick that are doing it, some ugly chicks have been seen sporting theuber-bangs but only look uglier than they did before much like:


Gwen Stefani




as well as the very manish Fergie




Somehow even newcomers have gotten jobs with this horrible trend much like:


Coach Taylor's Kid




and Jennylee from Beauty and the Geek



I’m not entirely sure where the trend started, all I know that it needs to stop now. If I wanted to look at chicks with bangs, I’d open up my Middle School yearbook. If you look in the mirror and cannot see your either of your eyebrows, it is time to try something different. If you were thinking of emulating one of your favorite stars that are doing it, don’t. Seriously ladies, dudes don’t like the look, other females are mocking you, and it’s time to put an end to the uber-bangs and only you can stop it. This has been a public service announcement from Scooter McGavin.

Record People Are Shady VII: Winter Preview Edition

It was a month ago today when I last posted an album review for Hip Hop Is Dead from Nas, and it will still be a couple of days until I publish my first review of the year with the first album in five years from John Mellencamp, Freedom’s Road sometime next week. As it has been for the last couple years, the record business placed all its eggs in one basket releasing all there big name albums within two months before Christmas while releasing very little in the first quarter of the year. This of course has lead to record lows for record companies including this week where the Dreamgirls Soundtrack broke the record for the least amount sold for a number one album on the Billboard charts with just 66,000 albums sold breaking the low record that is only three years old by Outkast’s Speakerboxxx/The Love Below, which was also set in January of that year. And I won’t be surprised if that record is broken next week as there were no big titles released last week.

Of course this is all because the music industry is the worst run industry in America (well, it’s neck and neck with the airlines). All they have to do is look in the past to cure the winter sales blues. Like in January 1992 where Nirvana shot to number one with their debut Nevermind when all the teenagers traded in Michael Jackson’s Dangerous that they got for Christmas for the new band their parents never heard of at the time. But instead, this year in the three Tuesdays since Christmas we have gotten nothing. Luckily things will start to pick up a little nest week with Mellencamp’s album as well a new album from the band that was supposed to change my life (but didn’t), The Shins.

The record sales will get a big boost at the end of the month with the latest from Norah Jones who has already sold 24 million albums in her career. Also out that week will be the debut of karaoke loser Katharine McPhee who will most likely have a decent first week before heading of to obscurity or The Surreal Life house. But while moms across the country will be picking up those two albums all us cool hipsters will be picking up British sensation Lily Allen’s first album, Alright, Still. Here a complete run down of winter releases (dates subject to change):

January 23
Freedom’s Road - John Mellencamp
Wincing the Night Away - The Shins

January 31
Alright, Still - Lily Allen
Never Too Late - Norah Jones
Katherine McPhee - Katherine McPhee
Oh, My Nola - Harry Connick Jr.

February 6
Infidelity on High - Fall Out Boy
Headstrong - Ashley Tisdale (A High School Musical alum)


Nothing really worth mentioning past early February that this set in stone but you also expect albums to be released by spring from Joss Stone, The White Stripes, Maroon 5, Arctic Monkeys, Avril Lavigne, as well as a solo outing from Chris Cornell which I hear will feature a cover of Billie Jean. Oh and Chinese Democracy by Guns n’ Roses is supposedly going to be released March 6th. But don’t expect new albums from marquee names like Dr. Dre, Green Day, Kanye West, and U2 until late 2007. Feel free to drop me a line in the comment section if there is anything I missed that you are looking forward to coming out this winter.

Technology Can Be Scary

Recently the good people over at Give Me My Remote asked me about some latest technology and I had to laugh a little because I’m the last person you want to ask about the newest gadgets, or even older ones. I’m not cool enough to own a Tivo, my camera still uses film, and if it weren’t for my Playstation 2 I probably wouldn’t own a DVD player yet. My cell phone is only that, a phone, no games, internet or cool ringtones, not that I use it anyways, I don’t think anyone outside of my mother knows my number. And long time readers may be surprised that the music fan that I am, I may have been the last person in the middle class to get a CD player and only did so because record stores stopped stocking cassette tapes of the latest releases. I didn’t get an iPod until around the fifth generation and I still have yet to upgrade to a surround sound system. I even am typing this with a desktop computer while browsing the internets with Internet Explorer.

With my low-fi life there were plenty of things that went over my head with the technology gone wrong thriller Pulse. The movie stars Kristen Bell (Pooty Tang) whose computer wiz ex-boyfriend has seemed to fall of the face of the Earth. Unlike most ex’s, Bell seems to be worried when her ex stops calling which prompts her to pay him a visit only to see him swinging from the ceiling of his apartment. Although the next day her and her friends, including Horshack from Veronica Mars and singer Christina Milian, all get an IM from the dude.

This leads Bell to Ian Somerhalder (The Rules of Attraction) who knows his way around a computer himself and theorizes that the dead dude opened some frequency to the beyond wehre all the spirits want to suck the life out of the living. Why? Who knows. But wherever there is a wireless connection, there they will be, well except if you have red tape. Why red tape? Who knows. And there is the problem with the movie is there are way too many plot holes add to that the death are uninspired and of course there are plenty of gadgets that I have no clue what they do so they take me out of the movie.

The one saving grace is Bell who almost makes you believe the things on the screen are actually scary. But it’s a bad sign when the most entertaining thing on a DVD is a trailer for another movie, in this case Fan Boys, which also happens to star Bell.

Pulse gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.

Win a Knights of Prosperity T-Shirt - Sticky

This is a sticky post, please scroll down for the latest posts



Check out this post: 57 Channels and Only This Is On, for your chance to win your very own official Knights of Prosperity t-shirt as seen worn by the cast at right. Want more chances to win Knights of Prosperity swag? Swing over to Ducky’s brand new website to win the contest he's running. And don’t forget to watch Knights of Prosperity Wednesdays at 9:00. Or you can stream the latest episode at ABC.com.

Lyrics Quiz: Best Songs of 1997

Long before I even had a blog, at the end of the year I would countdown my favorite songs from the past twelve months and here are my twenty-five songs from a decade ago in their original order from that list (so please don’t mock me for those songs that haven’t quite stood the test of time, you know you liked them back them too). As always leave your guesses in the comment section, both song title and artist (Hint: all songs are from 1997, so make sure you list the artist that recorded the song that year which may not be the most well known version.). If you are correct, I will un-bold the lyric and give you credit. The person with the most correct lyrics will be added to the Winner’s list on my sidebar. Now on to the lyrics:


1. You’re always brilliant in the morning, smoking your cigarettes and talking over coffee. (Foolish Games - Jewel; guessed by Angie)
2. I will follow you down till the sound of my voice will haunt you. You’ll never get away from the sound of the woman that loves you. (Silver Springs - Fleetwood Mac; guessed by Monique)
3. I wipe the spots above the mirror; don’t leave the keys in the door. I never put white towels on the floor anymore. (You Were Meant for Me - Jewel; guessed by Angie)
4. She said, “It’s cold, feels like Independence Day and I can’t break away from this parade." (One Headlight - The Wallflowers; guessed by Angie)
5. Can't no Ph.D. (expletive deleted) hold me down. Cooter schooled me to the game, now I know my duty. Stay humble stay low blow like Hootie. (Mo Money, Mo Problems - The Notorious B.I.G. featuring Ma$e and Puff Daddy; guessed by Tony)
6. I watch you there through the window and I stare at you wear nothing but you wear it so well. (Crash Into Me - Dave Matthews Band; guessed by Angie)
7. My best friend took a weeks vacation to forget her. His girl took a weeks worth a Valium and slept. (The Freshmen - The Verve Pipe; guessed by Angie)
8. I can fill ya wit real millionaire (expletive deleted). Escargot, my car go, one sixty, swiftly. Wreck it buy a new one. Your crew run run run, your crew run run. (Hypnotize - The Notorious B.I.G.; guessed by Tony)
9. If I could find that Heina and that Sancho that she'd found well I'd pop a cap in Sancho and I'd slap her down. (Santeria - Sublime; guessed by Jonas)
10. I should have changed my (expletive deleted) lock, I would have made you leave your key if I had known for just one second you’d be back to bother me. (I Will Survive - Cake; guessed by Tony)
11. It’s kind of hard with you not around; I know you’re in heaven smiling down. Watching us while we pray for you, everyday we pray for you. (I'll Be Missing You - Puff Daddy featuring Faith Evans and 112; guessed by Angie)
12. You know sugar never ever was so sweet and I'm dying for ya, crying for ya, I adore ya. One hit of your love addicted me. Now I'm strung out on you darling. (Honey - Mariah Carey; guessed by Tony)
13. Drove up to Hillside Manor sometime after 2 A.M. and talked a little while about the year. (A Long December - Counting Crows; guessed by Anna)
14. He drinks a whiskey drink, he drinks a Vodka drink, he drinks a Laager drink, he drinks a cider drink. (Tubthumping - Chumbawumba; guessed by Angie)
15. Reason will not reach a solution. I will end up lost in confusion. I don't care if you really care as long as you don't go. (Lovefool - The Cardigans; guessed by Erica)
16. It feels like spring time in winter. It feels like Christmas in June. It feels like heaven has opened up its gates for me and you. (Everytime I Close My Eyes - Babyface; guessed by Tony)
17. Everywhere I go people stop and they see, twenty-five years old, my mother God rest her soul. (Fly - Sugar Ray; guessed by Anna)
18. You give us a tantrum and a know-it-all-grin just when we need one, when the evening’s thin. (Building a Mystery - Sarah McLachlan; guessed by Anna)
19. Referee won’t blow the whistle, God is great but will he listen. I’m nearly great, but there’s something missing. (Staring at the Sun - U2; guessed by Tony)
20. And their kids were hippie chicks all hypocrites because fashion is smashing the true meaning of it. (Walkin' on the Sun - Smash Mouth; guessed by Angie)
21. For those of you that think gospel music has gone too far. You think we got too radical with our message. Well I got news for you, you ain’t heard nothing yet, and if you don't know now you know. Glory, Glory!! (Stomp - Kirk Franklin's Nu Nation; guessed by Tony)
22. After all you been through, I will make it up to you, I promise you, baby. And after all that has been said and done, you’re just a part of me I can’t let go. (Hard to Say I'm Sorry - Az Yet and Peter Cetera; guessed by Monique)
23. I’m not black like Barry White; no I’m white like Frank Black is. (Fire Water Burn - The Bloodhound Gang; guessed by Anna)
24. Finally I figured out but it took a long, long time. But now there's a turnabout maybe ‘cause I'm trying. (All for You - Sister Hazel; guessed by Tony)
25. Trying to make a train at sunrise gonna have to run a red light. Tangling with my Carolina you know the girl kept me up all night. And when my Carolina throw down you know the girl knows how to fight. (Carolina Blues - Blues Traveler; guessed by Tony)

Happy Martin Luther King Day

Hopefully everyone had a fun and productive MLK Day. I just wanted to pop in to let everyone that this month's Lyrics Quiz will be postponed until tomorrow as I spent all day today painting. Actually I only spent about three hours painting, I spent the rest of the three day weekend stripping wallpaper. And I am ready to declare stripping wallpaper as the least fun thing ever. I defy anyone to come up with something they have ever done to be less fun. In fact if anyone is able to tell me something they have done that is less fun than stripping wallpaper and I agree, I will put you in the hopper to win my Knights of Prosperity Contest. Keep in mind that the contest ends this Wednesday at 11:59 EST. And don't forget to stop by tomorrow for the latest Lyrics Quiz.

57 Channels and Only This Is On vol. II

Be sure to check out my contest to win your own Knights of Prosperity T-Shirt. Contest runs until this Wednesday.

Quote of the Week: You now the woman who could have been the next Faith Hill but somewhere along the way discovered Peach Daiquiris, her diaphragm went wrong and wound up smack down in the middle of trailer hell raising two kids. Yep she still manages to look hot and you can bounce a quarter off her butt; you got to take care of yourself, c’mon. Well that’s me, My Name Is Joy. (My Name Is Earl)

Song of the Week: Do Me! - Bell Biv DeVoe (Knights of Prosperity)

How I Met Your Mother: I have a bad experience with I Had the Time of My Life so this episode was painful to watch.

Beauty and the Geek: Anyone else find it suspicious that the four ethnic looking contestants on the show not only paired up but were the first two teams voted off?

Friday Night Light: Somewhat of an off episode this week, seriously where was Landry? Tyra is back though but it was hard to not laugh at her big scene. But I’m really surprised that it hasn’t turned knocked up from her one night stand with random dude and then claiming Riggins as the baby daddy. But the best scene of the week was when Julie told her parents that they were the best in the world then Coach started to bask in the kind words but mama knew her saying that meant something was wrong.

Presidential Address: When Charles Gibson comes on and goes point by point what George Bush is about to talk about, why do we have to sit through his broken English when we already know what he is going to say?

Let’s Rob Mick Jagger: While lesser people play stupid games like Gay, Straight or Taken, the Knights played a much better game of Intern: Gay or a Virgin. I also loved how they ended the show with the Knights where new shirts with Mick’s access code on them but the same bright orange color.

My Name Is Earl Randy Joy Crabman: The start was pretty slow but as soon as Randy started talking I was on the floor laughing. Of course Joy’s intro was the best. They did spread the joke too thin with My Name Is Doddie. You’d think professional comedy writers would know the rule of three. And a note to NBC, when you say, “Stay tuned for more Earl” have more Earl after the break not an ad for that lame Grease reality show and then go straight into The Office without any more Earl.

Smallville: Tori Spelling was the worst guest star since Paris Hilton on Veronica Mars.

Also check out my First Impressions of I’m From Rolling Stone, The Surreal Life Fame Games, Ego Trip’s The (White) Rapper Show, and why I’m not watching Armed and Famous.

Promo of the Week: Okay I said last week that it was just a onetime thing but here’s another one that caught my eye even though I don’t actually watch Gilmore Girls account that I’m a dude. But I love the line “I knew Tom Hanks when he was a Bosom Buddy,” and even though Regina Spector’s other song Fidelity is getting more attention, including closing out an episode of Veronica Mars, this song On the Radio is much better if just for the odd November Rain reference:



Next Week’s Pick: Smallville, 8:00 The CW: Over the last couple seasons Clark has run into a couple future Justice League members but this week sees them all together for the first time including one Beaver Casablancas as the Flash.

The Class Goes Live

Now I gave up on the show around the time Everybody Hates Chris moved to Mondays, but I may have been a little too hard on The Class considering that it is by far the funniest new show about a chance reunion this season. Speaking of In Case of Emergency, I gave it a second chance and actually laughed less at the second episode. So for those keeping track at home, in two episodes, there has been a total of one laugh. But anyways. Back to The Class, the show is doing something really cool next week and here's a press release and some pictures courtesy of Warner Brothers and CBS:


GO BEHIND THE SCENES OF THE HIT COMEDY SERIES “THE CLASS” AT CBS.COM

Attention, fans! It’s time to go to class. “The Class,” that is. Warner Bros. Television and CBS Interactive invite viewers to experience, for the first time ever, a pair of live events that will provide a unique, behind-the-scenes look at the process of producing an original episode of a major network television series.

First Stop: The Table Read

On Monday, January 15 at 11:00 a.m. PT, fans can go to www.cbs.com to watch a live webcast of the cast, producers and writers of “The Class” participating in a “table read” of an upcoming episode. The table read marks the first day of production on a half-hour multi-camera comedy, offering the actors their first opportunity to work on scenes together and giving the director, writers and producers instant feedback on how the episode is received by an audience. The table read is traditionally followed by rehearsal on Tuesday, leading to the first complete rehearsal performance of the episode on stage on Wednesday. And CBS.com will be there, too.

The Run-Thru: Halfway There

“On Wednesday, January 17 at 1:00 p.m. PT, fan can catch a second live webcast at www.cbs.com to watch the run-thru. Traditionally, this full-episode rehearsal process takes place behind closed doors, but this exclusive event takes viewers directly inside the world of this fresh new comedy series—live and uncut.

The Class”—from comedy kings David Crane (“Friends”) & Jeffrey Klarik (“Mad About You”), along with veteran director/executive producer James Burrows (“Taxi,” “Cheers”)—follows a group of former third-grade classmates whose lives become inextricably bound together after they reunite 20 years later. The series stars Andrea Anders, Jon Bernthal, Lizzy Caplan, Jesse Tyler Ferguson, Heather Goldenhersh, Sean Maguire and Jason Ritter, and it comes from craneklarik productions in association with Warner Bros. Television.

Don’t forget to watch “The Class” Mondays at 8:30 p.m. on the CBS Television Network.

First Impressions: The (White) Rapper Show

I’m not entirely sure who or what Ego Trip is, but they were behind what could have been the best or worst new show of the year. With a name like The (White) Rapper Show there really wasn’t going to be much between. Luckily for those that like to be entertained, it closer to the best side of things. The show takes ten rappers from all around the world of the Caucasian persuasion and has them battle it out to be the next big white hope.

Naturally the auditions are first as host MC Serch of 3rd Bass (who are for some reason missing from iTunes) with the help of producer Prince Paul try to narrow the group of a hundred to the ten that would make the show. With people like the old Jewish dude and the oversized chick who kept on rapping about her kootchiepop, that task didn’t seem all that hard and Serch made it seem. Well maybe it was condidering there were not ten white rappers worth picking from what I saw. Surprisingly one of the chicks had the gull to inform Serch that Vanilla Ice is her biggest influences considering he dedicated a whole song lampooning the future two time Surreal Lifer.

Even big surprise was the same girl, G-Girl, ended up in the final ten and made it into Tha White House (yes that is what they are calling it and there are White Trash cans inside too) in the South Bronx. And looking at the other nine, she may just have a chance of winning. The stand out contestant, and not in a good way, is John Brown. For all you college students out there that still enjoy drinking games, here’s one that will get you messed up quick, take a drink every time Jon Brown mentions “King of the ‘Burbs” or “Ghetto Revival.” No word on why the King of the ‘Burbs would want to revive the ghetto or whether or not John Brown is a sheriff or not. And it doesn’t seem like his housemates like him that much as Persia stuck her, um how do I want to put this, her self pleasuring devise in dude’s face. And he also got into a war of words with Sullee. Now that’s surprising, a dude from Boston named Sullee and he likes to throw down after too many beers. They really are breaking down stereotypes on this show.

Other contestants include include 100 Proof, the Kid Rock one of the group. Then there’s Ohio’s own Dasit although I have never once heard anyone call Toledo T-Town and I even lived with a wannabe rapper from Toledo. He’s also the first one to go so he better not ever bring that weak stuff to my homies in Yompton (Youngstown for those not in the know). Jon Boy may have the most unfortunate rap name of anyone that doesn’t have “Lil” in their name. Jus Rhyme, well I really don’t remember anything from him in the first episode. $hamrock can be best recognized as he’s the only one with those ridiculous grillz in his mouth. Rounding out the house is Misfit who hits the rap trifecta of wack being white, a chick, and British but she will uncertainly be kept around for awhile on account that she’s hot.

Verdict: All of the contestants are closer to Kevin Federline than Eminem but they are all so loony there’s bound to be a can’t miss moment every episode. And despite al the silliness there a sense of responsibility like when Persia drops why too many N-Bombs and is punished for it and they get a history lesson for Rock and Hall of Fame inductee Grandmaster Flash (surely the Flavor Flav guest spot is inevitable). And hey, at least it is more entertaining than just dudes singing karaoke.

The Return of Big Head Barry and the Monsters

I had my review of Ego Trip’s The (White) Rapper Show all ready to go but I had to put that on the back burner once again because my favorite oversized dome made it into the news again. It was reported today that Big Head Barry failed a drug test. Take that all you Bonds backers who said he never failed a drug test because he will forever have one on his resume. Well that and already admitting to using The Cream and The Clear in his grand jury testimony. Although it’s an odd time for this to be released considering that the season ended about four months ago but that is because he failed the test six months ago. As always Major League Baseball is on top of things. And taking a page out of George Bush’s playbook, the buck stops somewhere over there when Big Head Barry blamed the failed test on something he took out of former teammate Mike Sweeney’s locker. So we can add thief to liar and druggie. Well unless he lied about being a thief because guess who didn’t test positive for the drug that was stolen out of his locker: Mike Sweeney.

This wasn’t the best week for oversized domes as surely you all know by now that the original Big Head, Mark McGwire was rejected in his first try into the Baseball Hall of Fame garnishing on 23.5 percent of the 75 percent needed to get in. I never understood the argument for McGwire getting in because even if you took away the cloud of steroids out of the equation he was a mediocre at best player who just had about three great years which were based mostly on the number of home runs he hit. He couldn’t much else and was at times a liability on the field. Other oversized domes didn’t fair as well as McGwire as former Surreal Lifer Jose Canseco only got 1.1 percent of the votes while the first steroid admitter, the late Ken Caminiti received just two votes. Also not receiving enough votes to stay on the ballot for next year (you need at least 5 percent of the vote) was Joey Bell at 3.5 who I’m surprised has avoided all the steroids talk as he is a known cheater who sent a bat boy through the air ducts to steal his corked bats from the umpires.

In non baseball news, THE BRITISH ARE COMING! THE BRITISH ARE COMING! Okay it’s not the Redcoats, it just David Beckham who signed on to play with the Los Angeles Galaxy. This is notable for two reasons, one I find this quote by Becks funny, “I've played now for two of the biggest clubs in the world and played at the highest level for 15 years, and now I think that I need another challenge.” What challenge is that, a less superior league? How is that a challenge? The second is that he will presumably bring along his wife best now on this side of the pond as Posh Spice, whom not only I once met, I also royally irritated her in our meeting. Fun times.

I'd Rather Spend Eternity Eating Shards of Broken Glass

A quick programming note: The Knights of Prosperity, or as I like to call it Let’s Rob Mick Jagger will be on tonight following the Presidential Address at 9:25 so set your alarm clock, VCR, or if your cool enough, your Tivo. If you end up missing it, you can always check it out at ABC.com. And don’t forget to check out my contest on how to win a Knights of Prosperity T-Shirt.

But today I don’t want to talk about entertaining shows like Let’s Rob Mick Jagger or Ego Trip’s The (White) Rapper Show which I’ll be talking about tomorrow. Earlier this week I summed up In Case of Emergency as the least funny show since Four Kings. But there are some shows debuting this year that are so bad that there is no way you can get me to watch them. Topping that list is the Jennifer Lopez driven Dance Life. Just when I think the J-Lo era is finally over they give her and her uber-lame husband their own reality show. Thanks MTV, this better not lead to another crappy album from her.

Next up on the now way I’m ever watching list: Gay, Straight or Taken. What’s worse is this is on Lifetime. So this is what woman do for entertainment? Not only that, wasn’t this a Fox reality show called Playing it Straight at one point? Speaking of ripping off other show, there is I Love New York. What brain trust thought this was a good idea? Didn’t these people learned form The Bachelorette which killed off The Bachelor franchise? Not to mention Flavor Flav is a star, New York, not so much.

Which leads me to tonight’s premiere of another show you won’t ever catch me watching: Armed and Famous. Yeah, why not in the middle of the War on Terror deputize a bunch of publicity seekers who will only mock the profession of protecting us? I have a sinking suspicion that this was the very reality show Jordan McDeere passed on for NBS. But surpisingly it wasn’t picked up by Fox, nope this stinker will air on CBS. And the cast makes the Surreal Life Fame Gamers look like actual A-Listers: Erik Estrada looks like he is trying to beat his Surreal cast mate Trishelle for shaming themselves for the most reality show, LaToya Jackson is a sixth rate Jackson after Michael, Janet, Joe, Tito and Germaine, Jack Osbourne is also the least interesting in his family, Jason Acuna known to drunken frat boys everywhere as Wee Man, and Trish Stratus who left wrestling for this trash. Oh and I have pictures courtesy of CBS:



Want more, head over to Ficken Chingers where Angie has amateur pictures of Wee Man and Jack as she lives in Muncie, Indiana where the show was film. Somehow she didn't get any camera time herself even though I know she watched My Name Is Earl this past week and should have had plenty of suggestions on how to get on a reality cop show. But anyways. For those interested in the show, and I can’t imagine anyone outside of Muncie would, the show airs tonight at 8:00. Me, I'll be watching quality programming like Friday Night Lights and Beauty and the Geek at that hour. Oh and don’t forget Let's Rob Mick Jagger after Bush’s speech. Oh and for those that din't catch it, the title for this post is from a Weird Al song.

First Impressions: The Surreal Life Fame Games

We all have our reality guilty pleasures; some enjoy watching dudes singing karaoke while others enjoy watching rich kids talk about how hot they are. Some people somehow find enjoyment on watching people sitting around a house and do nothing 24/7. Me, my reality bane is watching has been celebrities humiliate themselves in the hopes that they may become relevant again. And no show has been better at humiliating celebrities than the six seasons of The Surreal Life that takes singers and actors from our formative years and sticks them in a house with reality stars and other people that are less famous. Now much like the show it ripped off, The Real World, The Surreal Life is bringing back some of it’s former contestants for The Surreal Life Fame Games.

As seen with the “game” played in the first episode, the show is about how much fame one has or what they will do to hang onto it. In the inaugural game, the ten Surreal Lifers had to be picked by a group of thirty random people to get a picture taken with. Who had Vanilla Ice getting the most photos? But anyways. Then the bottom three with the least amount of pictures would then have a mini game where the two losers would be banished to the “B-List” which, let’s face it, would be an upgrade for pretty much everyone in the cast. But they let the non-losers pretend they are still on the “A-List” in the lavish part of the house where the “B-List” part looked more like a low rent motel.

Ironically the biggest fame seekers, the token reality star, none of them were selected for these games. Instead the contestants were primarily made up of the token actor from the eighties and the token rocker or rapper. From season one we get Emmanuel Lewis (Webster). From the second season there is Vanilla Ice (Ice, Ice Baby), Traci Bingham (Baywatch), and Ron Jeremy (porn). After Jordon Knight (NKOTB) dropped out for personal reasons Brigitte Nielsen (Red Sonja) is the lone representative from season three. Chyna Doll (wrestler) and Verne Troyer (Mini-Me), who replaced Knight, are from season four. Pepa (Push It) is the only one who survived the infamous season five. Then C.C. DeVille (Poison) and Andrea Lowell (Playboy TV) are from the latest season.

Wait, no Flavor Flav? How can VH1 do a reality show without Flavor Flav?

Back to the game, I’m really not sure what the rules of the game are. Supposedly someone gets kicked off the show until there is only one celeb left. But all that happened was two contestants, Chyna and Mini-Me, were banished to the B-List but weren’t eliminated, or so I took from it. And instead of all the other celebrity editions game show, the person the wins gets to keep the money, and is not playing for charity which is something cheap. Couldn’t they have at least gone halfsies?

Verdict: Complete and utter trash. And I’ll be watching every week despite the disturbing Brigitte and Chyna hookup in the first episode. Go Webster! The Surreal Life Fame Games airs Sundays at 9:00 on VH1 and will most likely be repeated contantly throughout the week and will probably have twenty marathons before Groundhog’s Day.