Scooter McGavin's 9th Green: Emma Stone

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Wednesday, January 02, 2019

The Nine Most Anticipated Events of 2019

9. Shaft (June 14): Shaft is one of our greatest cinematic heroes and it is a shame that we have only gotten one Shaft film in the last fourth-second year. They are finally dusting off the baddest mother… (I better shut my mouth) in a third reboot, this time with the son of the Sam Jackson Shaft and grandnephew of the Richard Roundtree original. And that is really all I know and really all I need to know.

8. Maggie Rogers – Heard it in a Past Life (January 18): Alaska was one of those songs that reignite your faith in music. It was something new but also feels old and timeless at the same time. Every song she has released since has been at the very least good (netting three songs of each of my last two best songs of the year lists) and Maggie Rogers is finally releasing her full length debut this year.

7. Wu-Tang: An American Saga (TBA): Netflix may have a massive every expanding library of original content, but I would much rather pay for Hulu because they ordered straight to series a show based on the origins of the Wu-Tang Clan. And this is not even the most anticipated Hulu show this year.

6. Captain Marvel (March 8): I have been a Brie Larson supporter going back to the days she was making crappy Avril Lagine knock-offs. Okay, it was her turn as Envy Adams in Scott Pilgrim vs. the World where I realized she could make it as an actress (what forking murderer’s row of actresses that movie launched: Mary Elizabeth Winstead, Ellen Wong, Anna Kendrick, and Aubrey Plaza). Half a decade later she was winning an Oscar. And now she is playing the strongest Avenger in the Marvel Universe who will get her own movie before (likely) taking down Thanos a month later. Ironically DC’s Captain Marvel (who now goes by Shazam) gets his movie in April. So we will get three Captain Marvel movies in seven weeks. And that does not even include the six other superhero movies this year and five new superhero television shows this year (and that does not include the Disney+ shows that may or may not launch this year).

5. Kingdom Hearts 3 (January 29): I joke whenever I do my music round up lists that maybe this is the year we get to hear Dr. Dre’s Detox. And before that I joked about the Chinese Democracy release. But the music industry is nothing compared to video game delays which are very frequent and sometimes very long. The second Kingdom Hearts came out in 2005 (just three years after the first). But fourteen years later, the Final Fantasy / Disney mash up is finally getting released. New areas include Kingdom of Corona (based on Tangled), San Fransokyo (Big Hero 6), Toy Box (Toy Story), Monstropolis (Monsters, Inc.), and Arendelle (Frozen).

4. Zombieland Too (October 11): Zombies have completely dominated this decade with The Walking Dead launching in 2010 and just way to many zombie themed movies and shows to count at this point. But there was one movie that predated the current trend: Zombieland. A wacky look at the zombie apocalypse with maybe the greatest cameo ever in the history of cinema. Such a great concept that it was one of Amazon’s first attempt at a scripted series. But the pilot was killed online so hard it did not get picked up to series. The big problem is they recast everyone instead of created new characters. Well that original cast is back and there is no movie I am more excited about.

3. Women’s World Cup (June 7-July 7): The greatest women soccer players are heading to France this year and the United States are not the slam dunk they have been in the past. The home squad will be tough and Germany and England will not have far to travel. Of course first up is the Knockout Round of which the US may have the easiest draw.

2. Game of Thrones (April, HBO): I finally caught up on the show last summer and now I am completely ready for the final season of the show. Very few things live up to the hype, but Game of Thrones is as good as people say it is. But I am a bit wary of the final season because of how uneven the last sixth season was. I have noticed a trend when shows based on books run out of written material as the Handmaid’s Tale second season was a bit of a disappointment too But c’mon how bad can a shoe with a forking ice dragon be?

1. Veronica Mars (Summer, Hulu): It feels like a lot of things coming this year got incepted from my brain: a Wu-Tang show, Brie Larson: Superhero, another Zombieland, and I did not even have room for the Deadwood movie. But there is one event that tops them all. This was almost like a fever dream, seeing this on Deadline and reading it a couple times to make sure I was reading it correctly. Wait, a Veronica Mars reboot? And it is going to be on Hulu. Oh hey, I have Hulu. The show was one of the most perfectly crafted shows ever about a spunky teenager who solves crime, but it is significantly better than that logline. The Kickstarter movie was fine in a fan service-y kind of way of having to cram in all the characters we loved. Creator Rob Thomas says the new show will be darker. But we will see some familiar faces like Dick Casablancas and Deputy Leo. Oh and Kareem Abdul Jabbar is a staff writer on the show. Seriously. For those that missed the show the first time around, or just want to watch again, all three seasons and the movie will be on Hulu this summer.

Wednesday, January 06, 2016

The Ten Most Anticipated Events of 2016

10. Swish - Kanye West: In previous installments I would open up with Detox saying maybe this is the year Dr. Dre finally releases his album. Dre did release an album last year though not Detox which seems will officially never see the light of day (then again Bob Dylan released The Basement Tapes forty years later so maybe someday). Kanye West may be the closest thing to a long anticipated album. Yeezus came out three years ago making it his longest wait between albums. He actually released what was assumed to be the first single New Years Eve 2014, another single came out a couple months later as well as a Rihanna collaboration (who's Anti is also oft delayed), he premiered a third song at the Saturday Night Live 40th Anniversary, and once again dropped another song this New Years Eve. Will we actually get to hear Swish this year? Will it go under another name change before being released (it was originally supposed to be called So Help Me God)? Or will it turn into the next Detox?

9. The Presidential Election (November 8): Of course Kanye may just very well forgo music and throw his hat into the race for president this year instead of waiting until 2020 like he announced last year. He might as well because this election cycle has turned into a clown show. And the Republicans said they had learned from four years ago with what was commonly referred as a clown car of horrible candidates that tainted the one guy who could actually beat Barack Obama and ended up losing in a landslide. So the Republicans conduct an autopsy, decide they need to be more welcoming to women and minorities... and ended up with a crazier group candidate with anyone who could actually win a general election languishing in single digits. I have long said I would not worry about Donald Trump until they started to vote but now that we are about a week out I am starting to get worried because Ted Cruz, who is just Trump with tact, is right behind him. Then you have the Democrats who should look at the Republicans and think they can win in a slam dunk except they rigged their nomination so someone who may be indited before the election will win with no opposition except for some guy who can be described as your crazy Jewish uncle. Seriously, people want a second Clinton as much as they want a third Bush, not at all. Yet both parties seem intent on nominating someone no one else in the country wants as president. Hopefully Canada is more open to immigrants than Trump because there may be an influx no matter who wins in November

8. Pride and Prejudice and Zombies (February 5): I have not been this excited for a film based solely on its title since Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter. Hopefully this one is better.

7. More Live Musicals on Television!: After three tries, NBC finally got their live musical right with the Wiz. No official word if there will be another but I sure they will announce another on during May sweeps in not earlier. And now Fox is getting into the live musical business with Grease Live (starring Julianne Hough, Vanessa Hudgens, Keke Palmer, and Carly Rae Jepsen) coming January 31 and they are righting one of my major gripes with the NBC version and including a live audience. Clueless ABC is also doing a musical this year but their musical version of Dirty Dancing staring Abigail Breslin will not be live. Also not live is another Fox event who is remaking Rocky Horror Picture Show set to air this fall. I have never been much of a fan of the movie and the recent casting of Victoria Justice, who acts about as well as she sings (not very) and a bunch of people I have not heard of does not get me any more excited.

6. Billions (January 17): Paul Giamatti comes to the small screen to shout at people on a weekly basis! Sure I have no idea what is going on as he tries to catch a hedge fund billionaire with ill gotten gain (Brody returns to Showtime!). I have a lengthier write up on the show coming around the time the show premieres.

5. La La Land (July 15): When NBC announced after the success of The Sound of Music Live! that a live musical would be a yearly event, one of my first fantasy castings was Emma Stone and Ryan Gosling in Guys and Dolls. Unfortunately that is not happening (yet) but the duo is starring in a musical (albeit not live) coming out this summer.

4. Angie Tribeca (25 Hour Marathon starring January 17 at 9:00): I have a full write up coming closer to the premiere date but let me say now that this is the funniest show on television.

3. X-Files (January, 24): Reboots can be tricky, but I am cautiously optimist for the new X-Files even though the two stars jumped ship long before the series originally ended and the mediocre at best movie from a couple years back. First off they are just dipping their toe back in the water with just six hours, including four stand alone episode and plenty of fan service with the return of the Smoking Man and the Lone Gunman (despite their demise). And even if it does end up sucking, hey, it is only six episodes.

2. The Suicide Squad (August 5): Have we finally reached superhero fatigue? The Fantastic Four reboot bombed, Ant- Man was the worst performing Marvel film. Yet by my count there are seven more comic book adaptations coming this year. Marvel has two more, DC is starting their cinematic universe with two films itself, while Fox, despite the recent disaster of the Fantastic Four, is going all in with their other Marvel owned property X-Men with three movies. To be honest there is only one that has really gotten me excited; I never cared much about the X-Men, I am two films behind on Marvel, and every passing Superman v Bat Man trailer makes me less excited; and that is The Suicide Squad. Okay I want to cut off the trailer when Jared Leto's Joker shows up because he looks horrible, but sign me up for everything else about it. Just give Margo Robbie her Oscar for Harley Quinn now. Or at the very least an MTV Movie Award.

1. The Olympics (starting August 5): Always one of my favorite events every other year and plenty of story lines for this year's game which will includes Rugby Sevens for the first time: can Micheal Phelps add it his gold medals record? Can Usain Bolt go back to back to back in the Mens 100 Yard Dash? Can the US Women Soccer team be the first team to win Gold the year after winning the World Cup? Will anyone die swimming in Rio's polluted river? Okay the modern Olympics would not be complete with controversies in the lead up and this year's big one is the rivers where they plan to host the outdoor swimming events were unsafe to swim in. A previous scandal was adverted when they announced that the organizers were going to charge for air conditioning but later reversed that decision.

Tuesday, December 29, 2015

The 50 Best Music Videos of 2015

1. Anna - Will Butler

2. Good for You - Selena Gomez

3. Feel Right - Mark Ronson featuring Mystikal

4. She's Not Me - Jenny Lewis

5. Actin Crazy - Action Bronson

6. Bad Blood - Taylor Swift featuring Kendrick Lamar

7. Time Machine - Ingrid Michaelson

8. That Black Bat Licorice - Jack White

9. For Free? (Interlude) - Kendrick Lamar

10. Here - Alessia Cara

11. Dearly Departed - Shakey Graves featuring Esme Paterson

12. Empty Threat - Chvrches

13. Biscuits - Kacey Musgraves

14. Style - Taylor Swift

15. I'm in Love with My Life - Phases

16. Magnets - Disclosure featuring Lorde

17. Adventures of a Lifetime - Coldplay

18. Shut up and Fish - Maddie and Tae

19. Pedestrian at Best - Courtney Barnett

20. I Can Be Somebody - Erin McCarley

21. Hands to Myself - Selena Gomez

22. I Love You, Honeybear - Father John Misty

23. Close Your Eyes (and Count to (Expletive Deleted)) - Run the Jewels featuring Zach de la Rocha

24. Renegades - X Ambassadors

25. Same Old Love - Selena Gomez

26. S.O.B. - Nathaniel Rateliff and the Night Sweats

27. Doing It! - Charli XCX

28. Lonely Town - Brandon Flowers

29. One Last Time - Ariana Grande

30. Love 3X - ZZ Ward

31. I Really Like You - Carly Rae Jepsen

32. Heartbeat - Mat Kearney

33. Lampshades on Fire - Modest Mouse

34. King Kuta - Kendrick Lamar

35. Focus - Arianda Grande

36. Bittersweet - Archis

37. Bloosdstream - Ed Sheeran and Rudimental

38. California Roll - Snoop Dogg featuring Pharrell Williams and Stevie Wonder

39. Bulletproof Picasso - Train

40. St. Jude - Florence and the Machine

41. Song for Someone - U2

42. Weight of Love - The Black Keys

43. Too Many Rapper - Beastie Boys featuring Nas

44. Work Song - Hozier

45. We Are Giants - Lindsey Sterling featuring Dia Frampton

46. Flesh without Blood / Life in Vivid Dream - Grimes

47. Delilah - Florence and the Machine

48. coffee - Miguel

49. Famous - Charlie XCX

50. First - Cold War Kids

Wednesday, February 18, 2015

I Want My Movie Trailers

Pitch Perfect - May 15

The first domestic trailer did very good job to get excited for the sequel; the group doing the Cups song from the original, Anna Kendrick making fart noises. The Super Bowl spot gave up an a capella version of Before He Cheats and the Green Bay Packers covering Bootylicious. The latest trailer brings the funny (...because of World War II... boom). We got some new musical performances: Wrecking Ball.. yawn. But the Germans pick things up with an eerie snippet of Muse and a funny take on Bell Biv DeVoe. Then something that is giving me pause about the second movie happened: Rebel Wilson giving her take on the A Tribe Called Quest / Leaders of the New School classic collaboration. Hopefully that turns out better than the trailer would have me believe. I would be much more confident if Anna Kendrick had taken lead on that one after she crushed No Diggity in the first film. Maybe they are saving her for the epic Busta Rhymes part which is so great you have to spend money to see it, they just will not give away something that good during a free trailer.

Aloha - May 29

News broke last year that Cameron Crowe was filming a new movie in Hawaii with Emma Stone, Bill Murray, Rachel McAdams, and Danny McBride. Just the casting and with Crowe writing and directing I was almost ready to call it the greatest movie in the history of cinema. I probably would have if they cast Ryan Gosling instead of Bradly Cooper. Last week we finally a title (Aloha) and a trailer. It was not as great as I was hoping (though I cannot confirm nor deny I have already watched it over twenty-five) most it falling on me being disappointed that it stars Cooper instead of Gosling and Stone as an Air Force liaison (with that said if she were cast in a female reboot of Top Gun, I would start camping out at my local multiplex tomorrow). But of course there are some good times in the trailer: "You're gonna wear this like Flavor Flav wears a clock," the dude from The Office saying "a lot," the best Cold War Kids song in their catalogue, the scene with Emma covering her face with her hands (if I was a fourteen year old girl with a Tumblr I would gif the crap out of that, granted if I were a fourteen year old girl, I would probably be giffing Cooper rolling his eyes at Emma playing guitar instead; wait Emma Stone plays guitar in this movie? Why is this not out yet?); and most importantly the triumphant return of Rachael McAdams who has not been in a watchable movie since maybe Morning Glory five years ago.

Trainwreck - July 17

After popularizing the beta male bro comedy genre ten years ago, Judd Apatow seems to be trying to get the female version of the genre off the ground. He produced Bridesmaid and now the first film he has ever directed but not write looks to continue that beta female route with Trainwreck. The movie was instead written by star Amy Schumer. I am a little iffy about the trailer because I am one of the few Clevelanders still hates LeBron James. But hey, there is Brie Larson (if Amy is Seth Rogan, does that make Briw Paul Rudd?) And it seems clear LeBron is playing himself, does that mean John Cena does too? Either way I do not think I could lookm at him the same way ever again.

Hot Pursuit - May 8

When I heard Reese Witherspoon and Sofia Vergarra were in a trailer together for a female buddy comedy I though it was a fake one for Funny or Die. After seeing it and learning it is a real movie, I am still suspicious that it may really end up being fake. Maybe Reese was right to stop making comedies and should have continued to take serious roles.

Monday, January 06, 2014

The 14 Events That Will Make 2014 Awesome

2014 may be less than a week old, but in no way means it is too early to do a Best of 2014. Here are fourteen events that will hopefully keep us entertained over the next twelve months.

14. Detox – Dr. Dre: Let’s start off the list as I always do by suggesting this may very well be the year we get to hear Detox. Hey, maybe Dre will launch it with his Beats Music Service which is supposedly going live sometime this month as a rival to Spotify (YouTube’s music service is also due this month). But where Spotify is made by software engineers, Dre has teamed up with Trent Resnor and legendary record executive Jimmy Iovine. Though it will not be in use until a still unspecified date earily in 2014, grab your Beats Music username now.

13. The End of How I Met Your Mother: Okay, the show has not been great for a while (I would argue the show started going downhill right after Victoria left for Paris) and the last season has been as I expected considering it takes place over one weekend (and that is not very), but it is an end of an era when the show comes to a close after nine seasons this spring. Well that is until it is replaced with the rumored How I Met Your Father next fall.

12. Frank Miller on Screen: For the very small niche of Frank Miller fans who hate reading, 2014 will be a good year for them because two of his graphic novels will once again be given the big screen treatment. First up in March is 300: Rise of an Empire, a prequel to the original focusing on those evil Persians. Then in August Sin City a Dame to Kill For will get its long delayed release bringing back Bruce Willis, Jessica Alba, Rosario Dawson, and Josh Hartnett in four segment, two straight from the Frank Miller graphic novel and two original stories for the film.

11. World Cup: Real football fans rejoice, it is World Cup time and it is back in the Western Hemisphere for the first time in twenty year. Sure Brazil and soccer has been in the headlines recently because of referee beheadings, but that is juts minor considering the controversies surrounding the other major sporting event this year. There should be less refereeing complaining this time around because this will be the first World Cup with goal line technology. Also new this year: vanishing spray for referees to mark the ten year mark which disappears a minute after application. Oh technology, what will they think of next. The World Cup kicks off June 12 on ABC and ESPN, while America starts off June 16 against Ghana who has beaten the USA at the last two World Cups.

10. The Strain: I have been on a vampire moratorium since the series finale of Angel but it may be time to lift that because of The Strain. The show was created by Guillermo de Toro who knows a thing or two about creepy storytelling, just check out Pan’s Labyrinth for proof. Just like The Walking Dead, The Strain is based on a graphic novel but hopefully del Toro can avoid the pitfalls Frank Darabount did when he tried to adapt The Walking Dead. We do not have any footage of the series just yet (there is a viral marketing video featuring rats) but expect the show to debut sometime in July on FX.

9. Penny Dreadful: If that is not enough supernatural being for you, or fears that even basic cable will not be able to go there, there is Penny Dreadful which was picked up by Showtime. The show will weave together the origins of literary horror characters, such as Victor Frankenstein, Frankenstein's monster, Dorian Gray, and Count Dracula, as they grapple with their monstrous alienation in Victorian London. And the cast boasts Josh Hartnett, Eva Green, and Billie Piper while the show is executively produced by Sam Mendes director of the Daniel Craig era James Bond films. No premiere date other than “spring” but I am guessing it will be the week after the Shameless season finale, so sometime in early April.

8. Live Television: Whenever something is successful, expect more of it. Yeah The Sound of Music Live! Go panned, but it went head to head with ratings champ The Big Bang Theory. So expect more scripted live events this year. I was hoping NBC would do a live adaptation of A Christmas Carol but the network has already tasked the producers behind The Sound of Music revival to do another musical. The next beloved music would probably be West Side Story. Is Selena Gomez as Maria too obvious? Sure the internet will probably like that casting as much a Carrie Underwood but at least Selena can act (though she does not have as good a voice as Carrie). Then for Tony, let me suggest Jason Street. Then much like The Sound of Music Live! Fill out the rest of the cast with actual Broadway veterans. Well, and have Neil Patrick Harris and Bill Hader make a cameo as Lieutenant Schrank and Officer Krupke. Granted if I ran NBC (or any other network getting into the Live television game), I would throw all the money in my coffers at Emma Stone and Ryan Gosling to star in a live adaptation of Guys and Dolls in the rolls of Sister Sarah Brown and Sky Masterson.

7. More Marvel Movies: Marvel is going to dominate the movie theaters this year with sequels to Captain America (April 4), Spider-Man (May 2), and an X-Men (May 23) movie that bridges the 00’s trilogy and the most recent prequel. Oh yeah, and the studio is also launching a new property Guardians of the Galaxy (August 1) which features a gun toting raccoon and a talking tree. Meanwhile over at DC, there are no movies on the docket for this year, but…

6. DC on TV:.. by this time next year there could be as many as five DC comics based shows on television. Right now there is only Arrow on The CW based on Green Arrow but the show is developing a spin-off based on The Flash. And apparently The CW is beginning to realize that only targeting teen girls is a bad strategy because they have yet another funny book adaptation in development with Hourman, a pharmaceutical analyst who discovers that the visions that have plagued him since childhood are actually glimpses of tragic events occurring one hour in the future. Now if only the network would hire real actors instead of Ambrocrombie models and became a superhero only network (aside from a Veronica Mars reboot of course), it may become watchable. Meanwhile over on Fox they have already picked up Gotham to series based on James Gordon in a pre-Batman city (granted the last Batman-less Batman show Birds of Prey did not do very well). Then over at NBC, they are developing a show based on Constantine comic (last seen come to life in the Keanu Reeves movie). And this does not even include the long gestating Wonder Woman television show that almost made it to air a couple seasons ago on NBC and has long been in development as a origin story for The CW but never made it to the Pilot phase at the network.

5. New Music from U2: It seems like there has been a rumored U2 album coming soon ever since the release No Line on the Horizon was released back in 2009. Though those albums never materialized, the band wrapped up recording of their latest with Danger Mouse (who will have his album with Broken Bells out this year, and if you believe TMZ ambush interviews will be re-teaming with Cee-Lo Green for a new album in the new year) producing just prior to the holidays. And where Beyonce just airdropped her latest album out of nowhere, rumor has it U2 will go the completely opposite direction and will make their announcement for a new album during a Super Bowl commercial. Unless of course that commercial announces you can get the album starting at the end of the commercial on iTunes which may be the only way anyone could ever out-Beyoncé Beyoncé.

4. Untitled Cameron Crowe Project: Not much is known about the next Cameron Crowe (writer / director of Singles and Jerry McGuire) project but all I need to know is that it reunites Zombieland costars Emma Stone and Bill Murray. Throw in Rachel McAdams (who is due for a career resurgence) and you have a movie that you cannot miss.

3. Interstellar: Another movie shrouded in mystery. It supposedly has something to do with wormholes, but the recent teaser which was basically just Matthew McConaughey driving a beat up truck down a dirt road like he was in a country music video. But the movie comes from Christopher Nolan who messed with everyone’s heads on Inception and had fanboys everywhere geeking out with his Batman trilogy. Go ahead and mark November 7 on your calender now.

2. Winter Olympics: Curling enthusiast rejoice because the sport is coming back to television when the Olympic hit Sochi, Russia starting February 7. Sure no one watches any of these sports when not played under the Olympic flag besides hockey (though now that NBC has its own sports network, I do not see why they do not start airing curling league games). Still I will watch all that I am able to be it biathlon (Skiing! Shooting! All in one silly event) or luge. Sure there are some political aspects that could put a damper on the games be it Chechen terrorists or that Johnny Weir could be arrested right off the plane and shipped to Siberia just for being who he is.

1. Veronica Mars: Almost ten years after it debuted on television, Veronica Mars will hit the big screen March 14 with Neptune’s finest returning for a class reunion with all the major castmembers returning along with fan favorites like Vinnie Van Lowe, Amanda Sinclair, and Leo D’Amato making an appearance. Oh year, and the official trailer hit the internets recently, take a gander below.

Saturday, December 14, 2013

Best of the Week: 12/14/13

Quote of the Week: Nick, I don’t even begin to defrock until its 98 degrees. (Ben Folds, The Sing-Off)

Song of the Week: Hit Me With Your Best Shot – Pat Benatar (as sung by Haley Goldberg, The Goldbergs)

Scene of the Week:

Big News of the Week: Golden Globe Nominations Announced: Do not care. The Golden Globes are a sham. Moving on.

Preview Picture of the Week:

Free Download of the Week: 25 Days of Free - It is that time of year again when Amazon MP3 gives away a new free holiday song every day in December until Christmas day. Right now you can get one from Ronnie James Dio. Seriously.

New Album Release of the Week: The Voice concludes is second lackluster season in a row on Tuesday. But on the bright side the two most entertaining singers from those two season are releasing new music this week. Holly Henry from the most recent season has a five song EP hitting iTunes Tuesday which has a Bon Iver feel to it. On the same day, season four’s Caroline Glaser has a three sing EP which will be available on Bandcamp which you can bundle with a t-shirt or signed picture. Caroline’s EP features Money Tree which is super catchy while the more melancholy Rosalee was co-written by one of the Pistol Annies that is not married to her former coach Blake Shelton. There is also a cover of I Will Follow You into the Dark originally by Death Cab for Cutie. Both are available for pre-order now by clicking their names.

New DVD Release of the Week: Justified: The Complete Fourth Season

Video of the Week: The first two trailers for The Amazing Spiderman 2 were released in consecutive week. Both could have used more Emma Stone (granted everything could use more Emma Stone). The domestic trailer featured blink and you will miss them cameos from Doc Octopus and The Vulture (Sony announced yesterday they are moving forward with a Sinister 6 movie) while the international trailer, below, focuses more on Spidy’s witty dialogue.

Next Week Pick of the Week: Too Much TV Tomorrow: Fall television pretty much comes to a close tomorrow (there are still CBS comedies Monday a well as the conclusion of Mob City, and even more The Sing-Off with its finale next Monday) but is not going out with a whimper. Tomorrow sees the season finales of Masters of Sex, Homeland as well as the two hour finale of Survivor and its reunion special. Tomorrow also sees the fall finale of what may be the greatest night of hate watching of all time on ABC with the back to back to back episodes of Once Upon a Time, Revenge, and Betrayal. But can you really call something a “finale” when there will be new episodes in less than a month?

Tuesday, May 21, 2013

10 Remakes I Would Pay to See

It was announced this week that Warner Bros. was moving forward with its reboot of Gremlins which was met by everyone over thirty with a resounding, “Noooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” Now I do not have a blind hatred of remakes but you have to be weary of them because it is clear that the movie executives put no thought into these movies other than, “people love the original so we can con people into watching a newer version even if it sucks.” So they usually spend their entire budget on acquiring on the rights to the original subject and put little time and effort into the writing, directing, or the casting which is how the Footloose remake ended up with a lead that had about a tenth of the charisma that Kevin Bacon had. Or they take what was great in the first film and replace it with something lame like changing the tractor duel to a bus derby duel (to be fair, Julianne Hough was an upgrade over Lori Singer). I have just resigned to the fact that the Gremlins reboot will be in CGI when the charm of the original was they looked like something you could have gotten down at Toy’s R Us. And this is why the Star Wars prequels did not work, why you CGI everything to death you take the heart out of the story.

What movie executives do not realize, if they actually take known properties that people love and give them to directors who know what they are doing and cast it with actors people know and actually like, they could make a lot more money. Just look at what Christopher Nolan did for the Batman franchise or Sam Mendes with James Bond. Now I really am not much of a behind the scenes but I do spend way too much time thinking up fake movie casting. Yeah, a Gremlins remake may sound horrible at face value, but how about a Gremlins reboot starring Mary Elizabeth Winstead as Phoebe Cates, Adam Brody as Zach Galligan, and Mr. Wu from Deadwood as the creepy Asian dude? I’d watch that. And maybe even enjoy it if they opt for animatronics over CGI (get Guillermo del Toro to direct or produce and he will definitely avoid CGI).

Periodically I come up with fake movie casting and share them on Facebook, unfortunately this has not led to some studio hiring to head me for their Reboot Department (even though they have taken my advice when it came to casting Tyra Collette as Wonder Woman, Lyla Garrity in the Charlie’s Angels reboot, and hiring Sara Bareilles as a judge on The Sing-Off). So I thought I would round up a list of my favorite fake remakes for you. And for any movie studios out there, I have many more ideas and I am still available to head up your Reboot Department.

1. A female version of Lord of the Flies starring Loretta McCready (Justified), Arya Stark (Game of Thrones), Hit Girl (Kick-(Expletive Deleted)), Alex Dunphey (Modern Family), Sally Draper (Mad Men), and Dana Brody (Homeland). Movie executives will have to come up with a better title than Lady of the Flies on their own.

2. Against All Odds reboot staring Ryan Gosling as Jeff Bridges, Emma Stone as Rachel Ward, and Joseph Gordon Levitt as James Woods with John Mayer covering the theme song. (Honestly about ninety percent of my fake movie ideas involve Ryan Gosling and Emma Stone.)

3. Three Men and a Baby reboot with Barney Stinson (How I Met Your Mother), Steve Stifler (American Pie), and Dick Casablancas (Veronica Mars).

4. A gender bending reboot of Spies Like Us starring Kristen Bell and Alison Brie with Adele covering the Paul McCartney theme song.

5. Swimf@n reboot starring Haley Dunphey (Modern Family) as Erika Christensen, Tessa Altman (Suburgatory) as Shiri Appleby, and Jason Street (Friday Night Lights) as the boring dude.

6. The Cannonball Run reboot featuring the teams of Adam Sandler and Chris Rock, Simon Pegg and Nick Frost, Trya Collette and Lyla Garrity, Charles Barkley and Shaq; oh yeah, and Norm McDonald as Burt Reynolds with teammate Burt Reynolds.

7. Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead remake starring Ashley Benson (Pretty Little Liars) as Christina Applegate, Dylan from Modern Family as the older brother, Loretta McCready (Justified), Brick Heck (The Middle), Luke Dunphy (Modern Family), and Mrs. Blankenship (Mad Men) as the dead babysitter.

8. A gender switching reboot of Weekend at Bernie's starring Emma Stone, Haley Dunphy and Kristin Wiig as Bernadette.

9. Innerspace reboot starring McLovin’ (Superbad) as Martin Short, Kristen Bell as Meg Ryan, and Ryan Gosling as Dennis Quaid.

10. Two of a Kind reboot starring Nathan Fillion as John Travolta, Hilary Duff (who would also remake Twist of Fate for the soundtrack) as Olivia Newton-John, Ernie Hudson as Ernie Hudson and Olivia Newton-John as God.

Friday, January 04, 2013

The Thirteen Events That Will Make 2013 Awesome

Thirteen is supposed to be an unlucky number, but there are a few things worth looking forward to the thirteenth year of this decade.

13. Detox – Dr. Dre: It is becoming an annual tradition to start off this list by saying this may be the year Dr. Dre finally releases Detox, but considering he was not able to get it out before the Mayan apocalypse, I think it is a safe bet to take the over on the release of Detox compared to any other event, be it the Cubs winning the World Series, a Veronica Mars movie, or Hayden Panettiere winning an acting award. It does not help that last year 50 Cent said that Dr. Dre is no longer interested in Detox (much like the general public) and it may just be released as an EP at some point.

12. The Mayans Were Wrong (Probably): Sure we are in the unlucky thirteen year, but hey, we are still here. Unless of course you did not think the world was going to explode in mid-December and instead the world would die slowly and we were too busy looking for some big apocalypse we missed the small catalyst that will being on the end of the world as we know it. Since you are still alive, make sure you go out and enjoy life this year. I would say that you only live once, but I do not want to get sued by Drake. Plus Nancy Sinatra is significantly better than Drake and she said you only live twice.

11. Sequels That Won’t Suck (Hopefully): The Last Exorcism 2 (March 1), Kick-(Expletive Deleted) 2 (June 28), Grown Ups 2 (July 12), RED 2 (August 2), Percy Jackson Sea of Monsters (August 16), Sin City: A Dame to Kill For (October 4), and Thor: The Dark World (November 8) all had entertaining to great original films and statistically speaking a couple of the seven will probably have a good serial. Okay I do not have high hopes for the second The Last Exorcism because, well, it is an oxymoron but hopefully the other live up to the first movies or at the very least half of them do.

10. S.H.E.I.L.D. the TV Series: Joss Whedon back doing television would be awesome enough, but continuing his work in the Marvel universe makes this doubly awesome. The only way it could have been more awesome is if Lizzy Caplain, who starred in the Item 47 short film, would have continued her character on the new show (she is otherwise busy, but more on her later). No superheroes on the television show (unless you count the reanimated corpse of Phil Coulson) and a cast of unknowns but I have full faith in Whedon. Hopefully the show will be ready by the fall and does not flutter out like the Wonder Woman reboot that never ended up making it to air.

9. No National Elections: I am sure most of those that live in the United States do care either way, but for those of us living in swing states, no political ads or robocalls are very welcome in this off election year. Unfortunately it looks like 2016 will be worse than last year because Sheldon Adelson, who may have been the biggest loser after backing numerous losing candidates with what is believed to be over $100 million (almost a dollar for every vote cast), plans to double down in the future.

8. Man of Steel: I am still cautiously optimistic about the latest Superman reboot. Zack Snyder’s last movie was so poorly received that there was a groundswell to kick him off the movie. I love Christopher Nolan’s Batman movies, but as executive producer of the movie I fear he may make Superman more serious than he should be. But on the flipside, it cannot possible be worse than the Krypton in the Atlantic Ocean plot from Superman Returns. Can it? We will find out June 28.

7. A New U2 Album: Ever since U2 released No Line on the Horizon in 2009, the group has been teasing that the session had enough songs for another new album which they even dubbed Songs of Accent. That album has yet to materialize but the group, but their record company announced that they would be releasing a new album this year. No word on if the album will be Songs of Ascent, work they have done with Danger Mouse, or a dance album they have also supposedly been working on.

6. Warm Bodies: After Zombieland I declared the 10’s (the tens? The teens? What exactly are we calling this decade?) the decade of zombies. Since then there has been numerous movies, even the kids in The Cabin In The Woods ended up summoning zombies, The Walking Dead is crushing cable ratings records, and thanks to the bath salt epidemic that created actual living zombies. Of course there would eventually be someone who would come along and bastardize zombies with a crappy Twilight with zombies type movie. At least that is what I thought Warm Bodies was going to be until I saw the trailer and, surprise, not only did it not look painfully bad, it actually looked like it will be good. Warm Bodies, coming February 1, is not the only major zombie movie making its way to theaters this year as the oft delayed Brad Pitt World War Z is set to premiere this summer.

5. The Evil Dead: Does the world need a reboot of The Evil Dead? No. Even if Sam Raimi is involved? Not really. Does it need one where Ash is a chick? Goodness no. Even if it is the chick from Suburgatory? Probably not. Will I get excited if this movie leads to Tessa Altman vs. The Army of Darkness? Frack yes!

4. More From The Black Keys: The duo just released El Camino thirteen months ago but it does not sound like we will have to wait very much longer for the next album as the band expects it to be done by the end of Spring. It seems like only Rihanna releases as much music (seven in eight years), but where a Rihanna album is lucky to have one to three catchy songs, The Black Keys always release great albums. No word yet if the album will again be produced by Danger Mouse, who did two of the band’s last three albums.

3. Gangster Squad: After watching Crazy, Stupid, Love, I decreed that every movie should star Emma Stone and Ryan Gosling. Apparently someone was listening because the duo will be playing opposite each other in the period piece set to hit theaters next week. I am sure the duo could even make an Innerspace reboot awesome (McLovin of course would then play Martin Short, make this happen Hollywood).

2. Grand Theft Auto V: After all the massacres, people wondered if the upcoming Grand Theft Auto will be the last of its kind. It is doubtful as long as there is money to be made. And it is always cheap to blame entertainment for society’s ills when it is the parents that should be accountable for letting their kids to watch or play such violent games. I have played all four GTA games released on the two Playstation games and remain fiercely anti-gun. Plus the games are not all bad, you can also steal ambulances and cop cars and do good through the city. GTA V takes the game out west to San Andreas for the first time in modern times and the first modern game to take place outside of Liberty City. Little else is known about the game except it is supposed to be even bigger than the fourth installment and it is expected to be released sometime this spring.

1. Masters of Sex – Seriously, Lizzy Caplan is starring in something entitled Masters of Sex. The show cannot premiere soon enough (but will probably hit Showtime no sooner than April).