Best of the Week - 5/19/12

Quote of the Week: Being voted out I was really, really upset. All three of you hurt me very, very badly. And Kim, I am just destroyed by you. But what I kinda want to tell you is that I have a secret that I want to tell you. When I was little I went through two open heart surgeries when I was 12 years old and in order for me to have kids I had to have another open heart surgery in twelve years which means 22 baby. So I will be going in next year and I am doing it again. So I had to hide that from you guys, so I didn’t want to show you that weakness. But that’s why I don’t have time to be mad at you three. (Kat, Survivor)

Song of the Week: One Hundred Ways - James Ingram (Suburgatory)

Scene of the Week:



Big News of the Week: Network Upfronts: When the network announce their fall schedule, everyone naturally looks to see what is worth watching next season (check out my list of The Five New Shows of the Fall that Will Suck the Least). But also a fun game is trying to figure what will be canceled first, so fun that Grantland even created a Fall TV Cancelation Fantasy League last year. And since every draft needs its own Mel Kiper, I will go ahead and throw my hat in the ring with my first mock draft. Please note that the mock draft has absolutely nothing to do with quality (critical darling Lone Star took home the first canceled award two years ago), but what I think will be canceled first.

1. Guys with Kids (Wednesdays at 8:30 on NBC) – This has everything you look for in a potential cancelation: it looks horrible (Jamie Lynn Sigler doing comedy), in a killer timeslot (established comedy Suburagtory, Survivor, and the train wreck that will be Britney Spears), and a horrible lead in (fellow new show Animal Kingdom; it is clear one of these two show will get canceled early on, I am hoping for the crappier one). Really you could make a case for every new show NBC is premiering this fall, but they cannot possibly cancel everything, can they? Somehow Whitney and Up All Night even got second seasons.

2. Ben and Kate (Tuesdays at 8:30 on Fox) – Also a three tool show as above, but not to the same extent. Although also a tough timeslot (The Voice and Dancing with the Stars result shows and NCIS), it does not air against any other comedy at that hour so if you are against reality shows and are under sixty this may be your only option, and though not strong, Raising Hope does have a built in audience and people may tune into The New Girl early.

3. The Mob Doctor (Mondays at 9:00 on Fox) – The chick from My Boys is playing a doctor. A doctor for the mob. Seriously. Bonus points for airing in the former Lone Star timeslot. Poor Matt Saresen, maybe it is time to stop auditioning for doctor roles.

4. Last Resort (Thursdays at 8:00 on ABC) – Speaking of cursed timeslots, since Ugly Betty, scripted shows that have occupied this timeslot have included Flash Forward, My Generation (was only beaten out by Lone Star for first cancelation of 2010 because it started later), Charlie’s Angels, and Missing. I have a feeling a serialize show about a rouge submarine will not change the timeslot’s luck.

5. Partners (Mondays at 8:30 on CBS) – For the last couple seasons CBS has used The Big Bang Theory and 2 and a Half Men to launch new shows but strangely this season they paired up both shows on Thursdays leaving the aging How I Met Your Mother, that routinely got out-rated by the freshman show that followed it 2 Broke Girls, to launch its lone comedy this fall. Also, have I mentioned that Sophia Bush and Brandon Routh are cast in this supposed comedy? And isn’t Partners just How to Be a Gentleman from last season but instead of an ambiguously gay homosexual, there is an actual gay homosexual? But as Gentleman showed us, CBS has shown in the past a quick hand at pulling horrible comedies that would be the highest rated show not named Modern Family on any other network so expect the not quite canceled yet Rules of Engagement back in this timeslot by Thanksgiving.

Preview Picture of the Week: New show Bunheads about a Vegas showgirl turned small town dance instructor premieres June 11 and ABC Family has released its first pictures from the show, here is one:



Free Download of the Week: Good Vibrations – Beach Boys (Google Play)

New Album Release of the Week: Born and Raised - John Mayer

New DVD Release of the Week: Sherlock: Season Two

Video of the Week: History’s latest miniseries Hatfields and McCoys premieres this Memorial Day and here is a clip to get you prepared:

Hatfields and McCoys: The Beginnings


Next Week Pick of the Week: Revenge, Wednesday at 10:00 on ABC: The first season of Revenge asked the very important question of: when does a guilty pleasure stop being guilty and becomes just a pleasure? I am still on the fence because there is still some pretty bad acting (silly teenagers) and I still am not happy how they resolved what the set up in the premiere, but I am still really looking forward to the finale. Hopefully unlike the least episode, there better be blood. And not just of the canine version (R.I.P. Sam).

Around the Tubes - 5/18/12

I have gotten a plethora of cool press releases have been flooding my inbox recently that you may find interesting. This post will include blurbs on NBC, Veep, True Blood, The Geo Bee 2012, CMT Music Awards, Seventeen, The New Yorker, Oprah's Next Chapter, Forensic Firsts, Saturday Night Live, Mob Wives, and TNT:

- NBC unveiled its Fall schedule this week and here is a look of the new shows coming your way in about four to five months.

The Show, It’s the Thing


- Here is the latest deleted scene from the HBO show Veep:



- Last week HBO released its first posters for the new season of True Blood and this week they released a new poster created by you the fans of the show. Take a gander below:



- Spelling enthusiasts have had the Spelling Bee for a while now, and not there is a Bee for those of us that are a fan of geography. The Geo Bee 2012 premieres Thursday 8:00 on National Geographic channel and will be hosted by Alex Trebek.

- The first list of performers for this year’s CMT Music Awards was announced so look out for Kenny Chesney, Lady Antebellum, Little Big Town, Brad Paisley, Carrie Underwood and Zac Brown Band to take the stage Wednesday June 6 starting at 8:00.

- Modern Family‘s Sarah Hyland covers the June / July issue of Seventeen where she discusses a very serious illness where she has been battling kidney dysplasia and her life saving transplant she underwent in April.

- In the most recent issue of The New Yorker, Emily Nussbaum reviews ABC’s new series Scandal and more generally about race on television.

- Coming this Sunday on OWN, Carrie Underwood and her husband Mike Fisher talks to Oprah in their first joint interview on Oprah’s Next Chapter. Also coming to the shjow soon is Neil Patrick Harris (June 3) and Newark, New Jersey Mayor Cory Booker (June 10).

- New show alert! Forensic Firsts will premiere Sunday, June 17 at 9:00 on the Smithsonian Channel which will uncover the secrets behind the science of today’s criminal investigators.
-
- For the first time ever, Saturday Night Live will be using new technology (the free Color app) to live broadcast backstage on their May 19th Season Finale featuring host Mick Jagger and special guests Foo Fighters and Arcade Fire. The cast and crew will be using Color, the new app that lets you instantly capture and share LIVE video broadcasts and photos with friends on Facebook. Essentially SNL will broadcast from their phone to yours, and fans will get a rare peek into what really happens backstage during the week of rehearsals and during the LIVE show and the commercial breaks.

- Mob Wives Season 2 Reunion – Part One hosted by Joy Behar airs this Sunday at 8:00. And you guessed it, Part 2 airs next Sunday. My sources tell me it will be intense and explosive.

- The major networks (and The CW) were not the only ones hold their upfronts this week, TNT and TBS both unveiled some projects they have in development, take a look at them below:

TNT Scripted Series in Development
King and Maxwell – Bestselling author David Baldacci's popular characters Sean King and Michelle Maxwell aren’t your typical pair of private investigators. Both are former secret service agents, and their unique skill set (not to mention their razor-sharp chemistry) often gives them a leg up on both suspects and conventional law enforcement. Baldacci serves as a consultant on the project. Executive Producer: Shane Brennan. Produce r: Karen Spiegel and Grant Anderson. Studio: CBS Television Studios.

The Last Ship – In this exciting action/adventure project based on the popular novel by William Brinkley, the crew of a naval destroyer is forced to confront the reality of a new existence when a pandemic decimates most of the earth's population. Michael Bay (Transformers) intends to direct the pilot if it is green lit. Executive Producers: Michael Bay, Brad Fuller, Andrew Form, Hank Steinberg (showrunner and writer) and Steve Kane (writer). Production Company: Platinum Dunes.

Legends – This suspenseful, action-packed drama is being developed by Howard Gordon, Jeffrey Nachmanoff and Mark Bomback from the novel Legends by Robert Littell. The story follows a deep-cover operative named Martin Odum, who has an uncanny ability to transform himself into a different person for each job. But his own identity comes into question when a mysterious stranger suggests that Martin isn’t who he thinks he is. Executive Producers: Howard Gordon, Jeffrey Nachmanoff, Alexander Cary and Jonathan Levin. Studio: Fox Television Studios.

Lew Archer – Based on the title character from Ross McDonald's popular novels, this project from The Closer creator James Duff and Close to Home creator Jim Leonard follows the sleuth many consider to be "the original P.I." Executive Producers: James Duff, Jim Leonard (writer) and Steve N. White. Studio: Warner Horizon Television.

Tom Clancy's Homeland Security – This event-based procedural written by Javier Grillo-Marxuach and set in Tom Clancy's world of espionage pits a select team of domestic intelligence operatives against enemies within and without, from narco-traffickers and nuclear terrorists to cyber-criminals and human smugglers. Executive Producers: Tom Clancy, Michael Ovitz, Javier Grillo-Marxuach and Chris George.

Untitled Steven Bochco Murder Mystery project – This suspenseful and intriguing crime drama will intimately dissect a single murder case over an entire season, from the commitment of the crime through the investigation, arrest and trial. Executive Producer: Steven Bochco (writer). Co-Executive Producer: Eric Lodal (writer).

Untitled Ron Shelton family drama – A disgraced football coach loses his high-profile job in Los Angeles and winds up moving his three kids and 70-year-old father to Louisiana. But this might just be the fresh start they need in this insightful drama from the writer/director of Bull Durham. Executive Producers: Ron Shelton (writer), Michele Weisler and Andrea Buchanan.

TNT Unscripted Series in Development
American Troubadours –From one of the executive producers of American Idol and film star Matthew McConaughey, this new reality competition series is on a mission to discover the best unsigned bar band in America, singer/songwriter bands that represent the greatest tradition of rock and roll. Executive Producers: Nigel Lythgoe, Matthew McConaughey and Anastasia Brown. Production Companies: Nigel Lythgoe Productions and J.K. Livin Foundation.

Cold Justice – This docu-drama, produced by EmmyÒ winners for such series as Law & Order, Project Runway and Top Chef, will follow former prosecutor Kelly Siegler and crime scene investigator Yolanda McClary as they crack cold cases. Executive Producers: Dick Wolf, Tom Thayer, Dan Cutforth and Jane Lipsitz. Production Companies: Wolf Films and Magical Elves.
Rivals – From the producers of Laguna Beach and Jockeys comes this riveting series set in the glamorous world of thoroughbred horse racing. Executive Producers: Gail Berman, Lloyd Braun and Gene Stein for BermanBraun; Gary Ravet for Promark Productions; and Gary Auerbach and Tina Gazzero for Go Go Luckey.

24/7: Los Angeles – OscarÒ-winning documentary filmmaker Robert Port crafted this gripping, all-access look at the men and women who protect the streets of Los Angeles. Executive Producers: Robert Port, Michael Goldstein and Michael Larkin. Production Company: Port Films.

TBS Scripted Series in Development
The Kid – To try and get his game back, a young and socially naïve golf prodigy named Quinn teams up with Joey, an unconventional new caddy. But much to the dismay of his father, Quinn learns more than just golf, as this new duo makes its way into the high-rolling, fast-moving big-time world of professional golf. The Kid is written by Donald Todd from a story by Sports Illustrated senior writer Michael Bamberger and writer Jay Hass, along with David Morse (Tremé) and professional golfer Phil Mickelson's longtime caddy, Jim "Bones" Mackay. Executive Producers: Donald Todd, Greer Shephard and Michael M. Robin. Production Company: The Shephard/Robin Company. Studio: Warner Horizon Television.

Most Likely – It has been ten years since high school, and the former “most likely to succeed” star student returns to his hometown after losing his job. He winds up working for the former (and still) “most popular” jock in this mismatched buddy comedy penned by Josh Heald (Hot Tub Time Machine). Executive Producers: Conan O’Brien, Jeff Ross and David Kissinger. Co-Executive Producer/Writer: Josh Heald. Production Company: Conaco LLC. Studio: Warner Horizon Television.

Zone Lord – Conan O'Brien serves as executive producer on this sitcom with an intergalactic twist. Three roommates awake one morning to discover an evil but very hip alien has moved into their building, along with his diminutive navigator. Executive Producers: Conan O'Brien, Jeff Ross and David Kissinger. Co-Executive Producer/Writer: Ross Venokur. Production Company: Conaco LLC. Studio: Warner Horizon Television.

TBS Unscripted Series in Development
Norm MacDonald is Trending – TBS has ordered a pilot presentation of this talk show from some of the executive producers behind Sports Show with Norm MacDonald and Real Time with Bill Maher. SNL alumnus and former "Weekend Update" anchor Norm MacDonald hosts as he and his team of correspondents sort through the churning mass of pop culture and social media to pull out the funniest, most bizarre and entertaining events so you don’t have to. Executive Producers: Norm MacDonald, Marc Gurvitz and Lori Jo Hoekstra.

Untitled Competition Game Show – This big, unique and physically challenging competition series is being developed by Jared Hoffman and produced by Alloy Digital's Generate Studios, which was co-founded by Jordan Levin and Pete Aronson. Executive Producer: Jared Hoffman. Production Company: Generate Studios.

The Five Shows From Next Season that Will Suck the Least

It is not a good sign for next season when the biggest news coming out of the Upfronts this year was Britney Spears judging a singing competition. And just when you thought The X-Factor could not be an even bigger joke, they hired a nineteen year old Demi Lovato, who is probably best known to the general public as someone who went to rehab to sit next to Britney. At least Britney is also known as a horrible singer in-between her rehab stints. Now let me go back to believing Fox does not exist.

But the most important news of the week did not even come from the networks, but instead from cable network TBS who announced during their Upfronts that they have hired a pilot presentation of a show called Norm MacDonald Is Trending. It is described as, “SNL alumnus and former "Weekend Update" anchor Norm MacDonald hosts as he and his team of correspondents sort through the churning mass of pop culture and social media to pull out the funniest, most bizarre and entertaining events so you don’t have to.” Just order that to series now TBS.

Usually around this time I take a look of all the promos for upcoming shows for next season and come up with my premature list of the best new shows of next season, except there were not really any shows that excited me that were announced (is it too late for ABC to pick up the Mandy Moore sitcom?). So this is an election year where I usually not vote for the best candidate but instead vote for the candidate I think sucks the least, here is my list of The Five Shows From Next Season that Will Suck the Least:

1. Last Resort (ABC): Want to know just how bad this year’s crop of shows is? The best one can best be described as a serious version of Gilligan's Island. But I do like creator Shawn Ryan (Terriers) and actors Andre Braugher (Men of a Certain Age), Autumn Reeser (No Ordinary Family), and Jessy Schram (Veronica Mars), features a recurring Robert Patrick (Terminator 2) it does have the coolest premise: a nuclear submarine the refuses an order to take out Pakistan and becomes a rogue nation with its own nuclear weapon to keep them safe. Of course because of all that and its Thursday at 8:00 timeslot (which has been the ABC death slot since Ugly Betty stated to tank about four years ago), Vegas will probably put the Over / Under of episodes at 5.

2. Animal Practice (NBC): For some reason I kept thinking that the show was a drama until I saw the trailer. A trailer that featured the monkey from The Hangover Part II as a doctor. I also give this show five episodes (it is going up against established comedy The Middle, Survivor and the trainwreck that will be Britney Spears), but I will enjoy all five of them.



3. The Neighbors (ABC): A sitcom starring Jami Gertz: pass. But it also stars aliens that named themselves Jackie Joyner Kersey, Reggie Jackson, Larry Bird and Dick Butkis: yes please. If ABC does not get the rights for an Alf cameo I will be severely disappointed.

4. Nashville (ABC): I have some good news and bad news about the show. The good news is that it stars Tami Taylor. The bad news is it stars the annoying cheerleader from Heroes. Is it too late to recast her with Julie Taylor?

5. Friend Me (CBS): McLovin on CBS? A premise so stupid it may work. But to work it definitely needs a name change before hitting airwaves because it is the worst titled new show of the season not named How to Live with Your Parents (for the Rest of Your Life).

And since there is an abundance of horrible looking shows that will be hitting the airways next season, here is a list of The Five Shows Networks Could Not Pay Me to Watch (for at least under $100).

1. Revolution (NBC): Since J.J. Abrams is a hack who only deals in high concept / low rewards I had no hopes that the show would be any good. Then I got a look at the trailer and it managed to slither under the bar of my low expectations. You should expect some major plot holes in a J.J. Abrams show, but there are huge ones already in the first trailer.

2. The New Normal (NBC): If J.J. Abrams is the biggest hack still working in Hollywood, Ryan Murphy is the second biggest hack. And as a straight dude I am a bit offended that a show called “The New Normal” does not feature a single heterosexual man (and to a lesser extend anyone of color). What are you trying to say, straight dudes (and to a lesser extent people of color) are no longer normal? Somebody get the ACLU on the phone.

3. Partners (CBS): I know it may look bad that both gay-centric shows are in my Horrible Show list, but in my defense, I am not homophobic because I would totally push my way through a bunch of chicks to make out with Shamar Moore. That and this sitcom features Brandon Routh and Sophia Bush who makes Elisha Cuthbert look like Kristin Wiig when it comes to comedic timing.

4. Next Caller (NBC): You would think after the Chelsea Handler debacle, you would think NBC would think twice about giving a polarizing comic their own show, but coming this midseason is a show staring Dane Cook. And it is becoming very clear that Jeffrey Tambor does not know how to say “no.” Let’s go over his post-Arrested Development career: Twenty Good Years (four episodes), Welcome to the Captain (five episodes), Bent (six episodes). But I have a felling Next Caller may not make it to seven episodes.

5. Guys with Kids (NBC): If it were not for Sophia Bush, Jamie Lynn Sigler would have easily won the Why the Frack Is Jack Bauer’s Daughter in a Comedy Award that goes to the most head scratching casting decision of the season. Also the promo for the show features three guys giving chest bumps with their babies. Seriously.

Enough of the crap, here is what I will be watching next season:

Mondays
8:00 – The Voice (NBC)
8:00 – How I Met Your Mother (CBS)
9:00 – 2 Broke Girls (CBS)
10:00 – Castle (ABC)

Tuesdays
8:00 – The Voice (NBC)
9:00 – Go On (NBC)
9:00 – Happy Endings (ABC)
9:30 – Don’t Trust the B---- in Apartment 23 (ABC)
10:00 – Parenthood (NBC)

Wednesdays
8:00 – Survivor (CBS)
8:00 – The Middle (ABC)
8:30 – Suburgatory (ABC)
9:00 – Modern Family (ABC)
9:30 – The Neighbors (ABC)
10:00 – Nashville (ABC)

Thursdays
8:00 – The Big Bang Theory (CBS)
8:00 - Last Resort (ABC)

Fridays (TGIF returns! Sort of)
8:00 – Last Man Standing (ABC)
8:30 – Community (NBC)
9:00 – Grimm (NBC)

Sundays
8:00 – Once Upon a Time (ABC)
9:00 – Revenge (ABC)
9:00 – Dexter (Showtime)
10:00 – Homeland (Showtime)

You See I Got a Plan, We’re Gonna See This Band

Retro has made a big comeback over the past half decade ranging from the ultra polished soul singers like Amy Winehouse to the lo-fi rockers like Best Coast. El Paso garage band The Royalty sits somewhere in the middle, a garage rock band with Vampire Weekend style guitar flairs with a singer that sounds heavily influenced by the Motown girl groups of the sixties.

Their first album via Victory Records Lovers effortless transitions between power-pop songs like Bartender or Mr. Hyde and songs that sound like fuzzed out guitar versions of The Ronettes songs like How I Like ‘Em or Other Boys. The upbeat I Want You is just pure fun and should be added to every party you are planning on hosting this summer. Actually most of Lovers will take you back to your early summer days (even if you didn’t grow up in the sixties where a lot of the sounds on the album come from) like the sweet Bottle Breaker.

As the album goes on, the more adventurous the band gets. Every Little Bit starts off with a similar drum beat from Lykki Li’s Get Some and features a chant along chorus. If the youth of America listened to better music, Witchcraft would be a middle school slow dance staple for the next half a decade at least. The Royalty even pulls out an epic Saint Bowie which is the closest they get to a stadium anthem. The album then ends with the sweet piano-based Won’t Be Long which shows how the band could be even more versatile on future albums.

Song to Download – I Want You

Lovers gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.

Lyrics Quiz: As Seen on TV 2012

As we wind down the television season, I am going to run down the best music placement of the past twelve months and as an added twist, I am going to do it in Lyrics Quiz form so you have to guess to see the actual list. As usual, place your guesses in the comment (or e-mail me), both artist and song title, and if you are correct I will un-bold the lyric. For fun, feel free to also guess which television shows the song was used on, a couple of the ones on my list even have multiple answers. Please note in one case where the artist namedropped himself, I changed his name to my own as to not make the artist of the song obvious.

1. Smelling like Dolce and Gabbana. Shorty you the baddest and to meet you is an honor.
2. Dans les buissons sous le ciel du mois d'août. Les amoureux glissent à pas de loup. Comme les oiseaux ils ont rendez-vous. On l'entend partout.
3. There is so much a man can tell you so much he can say. You remain my power, my pleasure, my pain.Kiss from a Rose - Seal; guessed by Rebekah)
4. Even saw the lights of the Goodyear blimp and it read (Scooter McGavin) is a pimp.
5. I’ve loved you since I knew ya. I wouldn’t talk down to ya. I have to tell you just how I feel, I won’t share you with another boy. (Roxanne - The Police; guessed by Rebekah)
6. I was last in my class. Barely passed at the institute. Now I’m trying to avoid, yeah I’m trying to avoid a malpractice suit.
7. Got the right to vote and will elect and other rappers can’t stand us but give us respect.
8. I’ll follow you down until the sound of my voice will haunt you. You’ll never get away from the sound of the woman that loves you. (Silver Springs (Live) - Fleetwood Mac; guessed by Rebekah)
9. There’s nothing where he used to lie. Conversation has gone dry. That’s what’s going on. (Torn - Natalie Imbruglia; guessed by Rebekah)
10. Never opened myself this way. Life is our, we live it our way. All these words I don’t just say.
11. Is this the real life. Is this just fantasy. Caught in a landslide no escape from reality. (Bohemian Rhapsody - Queen; guessed by Rebekah)
12. I’ve been alone with you inside my mind. And in my dreams I kissed your lips a thousand times. (Hello - Lionel Richie; guessed by Rebekah)
13. If you’re seeing things running through your head, who you gonna call?
14. You say go slow and I fall behind. The secondhand unwinds. (Time After Time - Cyndi Lauper; guessed by Rebekah)
15. You’ll think you’re looking at Aquaman. I summon fish to the dish.
16. If you got a problem, yo I’ll solve it. (Ice Ice Baby - Vanilla Ice; guessed by Rebekah)
17. Plant a seed, plant a flower, plant a rose. Plant any one of those. Keep planting to see which one grows.
18. The first thing I met was a fly with no buzz and the sky with no clouds.
19. I’m sure I might be rude but it’s just your attitude it’s tearing me apart, its ruining me every day. (Linger - The Cranberries; guessed by Rebekah)
20. I will pray for you. I will sell my soul for something pure and true. For someone like you.
21. Sometimes everything is wrong. Now it’s time to sing-along. When your day is night alone, hold on. (Everybody Hurts - R.E.M.; guessed by Rebekah)
22. You only know what I want you to. I know everything you don’t want me to.
23. Gotta have a celebration. Rock my soul.
24. When the rain is blowing in you face and the whole world is on your case. I could off you a warm embrace. (Make You Feel My Love - Bob Dylan; guessed by Rebekah)
25. I am thinking it’s a sign that the freckles in our eyes are mirror images and when we kiss they’re perfectly aligned.

The Game Is Afoot Jeff

Back during the first episode of Survivor: One World when the one chick broke her wrist and Probst gave the guys a choice to either take the win or continue the challenge with the girls short a player and I warned the guys, do not anger the Survivor Gods by taking the cheap win and lo and behold, three month later, the most despicable of the guys had to be medically evacuated, they voluntarily gave away immunity (strike two for the Survivor Gods), and all the guys that made the merge are sitting on the jury while the women made up the final five contestants.

If there was one dude who angered the Survivor Gods more than the other dudes it was Colton Cumbie. I never thought I would hate a contestant on the show more than I hated Russell Hantz but Colton managed to slither under the very low bar. He called the first little person on the show every offensive name you could think of, the called the lone black dude ghetto trash to hi face while telling another contestant she might as well jump into the fire so she did not have to wait to be voted off. That must have been the final straw for the Survivor Gods because he could vote off Christa Cha, he had to be air listed off the show with appendicitis like symptoms. Hopefully he never gets asked back (but I unfortunately would not put my money on never seeing him again).

But as horrible as Colton was, Kat Edorsson was oppositely awesome. Quite possibly the dumbest person ever to play Survivor, everything that came out her mouth was a gem (well expect for her constant burping) like the post-appendicitis discussion. And Kat just had to go out with a bang after giving a long winded speech in her signature hoodie about how awesome blindsides are, only to be blindsided a minute later leading to the single greatest Ponderosa episode ever. Everyone should bug Jeff Probst until he lets Kat back on the show.

Poor Greg “Tarzan” Smith, on any other season the plastic surgeon would have been the breakout star of the season but had to play second fiddle to Kat. He even went with they if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em philosophy by donning Kat’s tank top and bikini bottoms on his head right before his elimination. And that was not even his most entertaining moment. That had to be either when he confronted Chelsea Meissner who he thought harbored ill will against him because she did not think her plastic surgeon did a good job with her new breasts or when he told the tribe he had an affection that kept him from learning other people’s names just moments before having to jot down someone’s name at Tribal Council. Seriously, as much as I hated Redemption Island, I would not mind if they brought it back just so we had a Kat vs. Tarzan season. Or at least do an All Star season of Morons vs. Masterminds.

With all the colorful characters this season, it was the most even keel that ended up winning. Kim Spradlin rolled over everyone all season. I thought it would have been wiser to take Alicia and Christina to the end but in the end it did not really matter because she still won in a landslide. I was a bit surprised Sabrina got all the not-Kim votes instead of Chelsea. But that was not even close to being surprising as Kat being profound during the Final Tribal Council.

Survivor: One World gets a on my Terror Alert Scale. You can stream recent episodes over at cbs.com. You can also download Survivor on iTunes.

As mentioned above, with Kat and Tarzan this season it got me thinking that the next All-Star season of Survivor should be Morons vs. Masterminds. I even have suggestions of who should make up the cast:


Morons
Jamie Dugan (China)
James Clement (China)
Erik Reichenbach (Fans vs. Favorites)
Shannon “Shambo” Waters (Samoa)
Jane Bright (Nicaragua)
Philip Sheppard (Redemption Island)
Natalie Tenerelli (Redemption Island)
Brandon Hantz (South Pacific)
Kat Edorsson (One World)
Greg “Tarzan” Smith (One World)

Masterminds
Richard Hatch (Borneo)
Rob Cesternino (Amazon)
Sandra Diaz-Twine (Pearl Islands)
Cirie Fields (Panama)
Parviti Shallow (Cook Islands)
Todd Herzog (China)
Stephen Fishbach (Tocantins)
Sophie Clarke (South Pacific)
Colton Cumbie (One World)
Kim Spradlin (One World)

57 Channels and Only This Is On - 5/13/12

Once Upon a Time: There was nothing more predictable this week than Emma not being the one that ate the apple. Although I did think maybe Mary Margret would be taking the bite over Henry as a juxtaposition of her eating it in the fairy tale land. But nothing was more entertaining than the fairies joining the battle to storm the castle.
You can stream current episodes on Hulu. You can also download Once Upon a Time on iTunes.

Mad Men: The show is supposedly the best written show but I it is so profoundly written, why is it when I sat down to write about the show the only thing that comes to my mind is what the frack was Mr. Belding, who apparently has been spending the last decade doing nothing but eating Cool Whip, doing there? (I vaguely remember Megan quitting or something and Don hating The Beatles). And if the former Bayside principal was not distracting enough, there was Pete Campbell nailing Rory Gilmore to increase the nineties nostalgia even more after Ken Cosgrove married Alex Mack (and her father Leland Palmer). Who’s next on the casting couch: Kimmy Gibler? The chick from My Two Dads?
You can download Mad Men on iTunes.

The Voice: After such a strong season it is head scratching that this was finals. With only Jermaine Paul being the only contestant that was better than any of the finalists last season I could not bring myself to watch either episodes this week. After America constantly got everything wrong (with some help from the coaches) this season, I was shocked to learn the voting for the finals went the way it should have: Jermaine, Juliet Simms, Tony Lucca with Chris Mann coming in dead last. I laugh at any notion that the Christina-Adam feud hurt Tony and Chris because they earned their finishing spots and should thank their coaches for taking them a lot further than they deserved. If Adam and Christina hurt anyone it was themselves because they were so focused on destroying each other they let people that may not have come in last place go like Lindsey Pavao, Jesse Campbell, Mathai, or Katrina Parker. So congratulations to Christina on her second straight last place finish even though she came out of the Blind Auditions with the strongest team. Maybe next season you do not take your ninth best team member to the finals with you. Even though I did not bother to watch the finale, there is one performance I checked out the next day:



You can stream recent episodes on Hulu.

Castle: It is inevitable for a show built around an antagonist relationship of two characters of different gender that they will eventually hook up if the show stays on the air long enough, but that was a horrible ending for the episode and season. Well almost ending as there was one last scene to remind us that Kate’s mom’s case is still wide open. They better solve it by the end of next season (preferably much earlier). They already hinted at some sort of conspiracy surrounding Castle’s dad, how about solve Mama Beckett’s murder and move onto the mystery of Papa Castle? Unless he is the mysterious boss behind Mama Beckett’s murder (which I suspected when they first brought him up).
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Castle on iTunes.

Survivor: One World: Oh Kat, you can take the girl out of the game but you just cannot keep her quite. I was surprised to learn that Christina turned out to be one of Alicia’s “minions.” Didn’t Alicia once suggest to Christina that she should jump in the fire so she did not have to wait an extra day before being voted out? Is this some sort of Stockholm Syndrome situation?
You can stream recent episodes over at cbs.com.



Modern Family: Holy Dylan sighting! As everyone has spent the last couple months complaining how the show isn’t funny anymore, I think it is clear what was missing this season was Dylan who has not been seen since the season premiere when the Dunfy family left him at the dude ranch. Hopefully he is the spark that can get the fourth season back on track. Maybe a Dylan-Hayley wedding is in order.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu.



Revenge: I am a bit surprised that we had an origins story that did not feature the sensei. Maybe that is for the next flashback episode next season.
You can stream current episodes on Hulu. You can also download Revenge on iTunes.

Community: Didn’t they already do a clip show that wasn’t a real clip show before? Although I get a sense that we got a glimpse of the series finale with everyone being a part of a mental institute. You know the ending is going to be some sort of head trip (assuming they get a proper ending). And somehow insane Annie managed to be hotter than regular neurotic Annie.
You can stream current episodes on Hulu. You can also download Community on iTunes.