I Want My Music Television: 5/12/14

There have been a couple of videos that have caught my eye lately so I thought I’d give them some love since the death of Musical Television left a void for a forum on the art form. If you are interested in buying the video through iTunes, click the title link (where available). If you are interested in buying the song, look for a link in the analysis.


Headlights – Eminem featuring Nate Ruess


Eminem has to be the last guy I would think would release a touching music video on Mother’s Day (directed by Spike Lee to boot), but here it is, a Debbie Mathers stand in (presumably) looking for her son, with Marshal even giving her a hug.


I Choose You – Sara Bareilles


On the other end of the emotional spectrum, Sara Bareilles participated in a couple elaborate marriage proposals because how can you say no if Sara Bareillies is standing right there. I would have to think about it if Post-It Note origami was also involved..


The Wall – Willie Nelson


At eighty, Willie Nelson is getting a little nostalgic with his latest music video, listing his numerous accomplishments over his career. One stat that stood out to me was that the video listed only one Grammy Award. I had to look it up, if Wikipeadia is to be believed, he only won two more in the Country Collaborations category. That seems low for someone who has been around as long as he has.


Dare (La La La) – Shakira


It looks like Shakira is also getting a little nostalgia, at least that opening looked a lot like her first English language music video for Whenever Wherever. Or maybe I am just reading too much into it. Unfortunately this new song is annoyingly bad. Maybe she should go back to her old sound.

I Want My Music Television: 4/2/14

There have been a couple of videos that have caught my eye lately so I thought I’d give them some love since the death of Musical Television left a void for a forum on the art form. If you are interested in buying the video through iTunes, click the title link (where available). If you are interested in buying the song, look for a link in the analysis.


Empire - Shakira


I may be reading into it too much but the whole runaway bride could explain why Shakira has yet to walk down the aisles with her baby daddy. And I usually do not comment on these sorts of things, but whoever the cinematographer Shakira has been working with needs some sort of award because her last two are just absolutely beautifully shot.


Supernova - Ray LaMontagne


Listening to the new Ray Lamontange song and its seventies pop-rock vibe and hearing that he brought in The Black Keys Dan Auerbach to produce made me think that the singer is finally trying to be an actual rock star. He even released his very first music video. Sure it has the production value of your average lyric video, but hey, its baby steps.


Gulls – David Gray


Recently Coldplay went full Bon Iver for the first song off their upcoming album and it sounds like David Gray has been listening a lot to the Minnesota woodsman too. He even combined that sound with a trippy music video. Coldplay quickly followed up that Bon Iver sounding song with a more traditional sounding song, I hope the same goes for David Gray, but I am not really digging this new musical path.


High Ball Stepper – Jack White


As previously mentioned, I thought Coldplay releasing a Bon Iver meets Radiohead type song was a weird first impression to make. But at least it had words; the first song we get to hear off the upcoming Jack White album is an instrumental. But the paint and glitter in speakers motif of the music video is all sorts of awesome.

I go Back Again, Fall off the Train, Land in His Bed, Repeat Yesterday's Mistakes

Poor Shakira, during her first season on The Voice no one wanted to join her team and ended up with arguably the worst team in the history of the show (though Christina Aguilera’s first and third season teams were just as bad). Though better this season, she is still looking at a last place finish. More importantly, the first single off her new album did not really set radio on fire despite having the biggest radio star of the last five years Rihanna on the track. But other than Maroon 5, none of the coaches on The Voice have gotten much of a bump from the show (at least in terms of pop radio, Blake Shelton is still ruling country radio but still lacks a crossover hit). Christina’s album bombed, Cee-Lo’s Goodie Mob comeback was met with a resounding yawn. Ironically many of the guest performers get a good boost after appearing on the show; Robin Thicke shot to number, and Christina, despite not being able to kick start her own career on the show, managed another hit via guest spot on the show with A Great Big World. Granted it is possible Shakira will get the big break when she performs the song on the show (but will Rihanna show up for anything short of the finale which is still two months away).

Granted the reason why Can’t Remember to Forget You is not a hit is most likely has less to do with some sort of The Voice coach curse and more with pop radio itself. If you listen to a top radio station you will hear mostly watered down EDM or folk rock songs (or in the case of Wake Me Up, both). Soul is making some inroads thanks to Aloe Blacc (getting some Wake Me Up rub) and Pharrell Williams (who has been placed in multiple advertisements in the last couple month). But it is very hard for different sounds making it on to pop radio. Case in point Lorde released Royal in March of last year but it did not become a hit until the fall. So it is not very surprising, even with Rihanna’s name attached, that the ska-rock from the nineties vibe of Can’t Remember to Forget You is having a hard time breaking through even with a music video that could have passed for softcore porn when ska last had a moment.

But at least you can easily classify Can’t Remember to Forget You, second single Empire is much harder to pin down. It definitely has an epic, rock tinged power ballad feel to it, but more Céline Dion nineties type power ballad than eighties Bon Jovi type with weird auto-tune in the chorus. And there may be the problem with Shakira. (yes, the album title has a period in it) it tries to be everything at once. She tries to cram Latin, pop, rock and many other sub genres into the same song. Instead of the songs sounding eclectic, they just come out sounding jumbled. The worst case is the duet with Black Shelton which adds country to her musical jumbo which finds Shelton singing lines like “p-p-p-p-popping the pills.” Blake duet with Christina Aguilera was significantly better.

But these genre mash-ups are not all jumbled messes, when she infuses some reggae into Cut Me Deep which features some Canadian reggae band named MAGIC! (yes their band has an exclamation point and all caps and no I will not be making a Snow joke), it turns into one of the better tracks on the album. Another standout is the new wave meets rock sounding Spotlight (which was actually written with the same Nashville based team that also co-wrote the Shelton assisted song but not nearly as embarrassing). And showing that less is sometimes more, the acoustic 22 is better than most of the overproduced songs on the album.

Song to Download – Cut Me Deep

Shakira. gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.

I Want My Music Television: 2/4/14

There have been a couple of videos that have caught my eye lately so I thought I’d give them some love since the death of Musical Television left a void for a forum on the art form. If you are interested in buying the video through iTunes, click the title link (where available). If you are interested in buying the song, look for a link in the analysis.

Can't Remember to Forget You - Shakira featuring Rihanna


It is interesting in a time when almost every song on the radio has an EDM twist to it, Shakira went rock tinged ska on her new single and, um, why I am still tying, no one is reading this, they are just hitting repeat for the next hour.


Ain’t it Fun – Paramore


Paramore breaking the most world records in a music video sounds like a novel idea until you realize the old record was maybe just one. If I were in an indie band trying to make a name for myself, I would trying to make a music video breaking every record in this video plus one bonus one.


Everyday Robots – Damon Albarn


After two decades of being in bands, from Blur to Gorillaz, and even a one off groups like The Good, The Bad & The Queen, Damon Albarn is releasing his first solo album later this year. And the computer animated music video, which builds his head from the bottom up, is freaking me the frack out. It is even creepier than the Lionel Ritchie bust from Hello.


All Wash Out – Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros


Sophia Glaser was a fan of Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros who made a music video for their song All Wash Out. After the band received a letter from her sister, they officially released Caroline’s version as their official music video for the song. Here is the full letter:

Dear Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros
Thank you for your incredible music. I first heard your songs, when my sweet sister Sophie entered a music video contest producing a video for your song: "All Wash Out". The combination of your beautiful music and her great talent has left an eternal imprint on my mind.
Sophie, my little sister was just 20 when she entered the contest. This Sunday we played the video at her memorial service. She passed away recently during an exchange semester in Prague. She suffered from a brain hemorrhage and just never woke up from her sleep one night.

I find the description (which went along with her video); "A girl goes on a journey to wash away what's behind her leading to her rebirth" incredibly moving as she would have no idea that she would soon leave this earth. Sophie was not meant to act in the video, but due to incredible karmic circumstances, the actress who was supposed to participate was prevented to come (last minute) and Sophie stepped in. Both acting and directing.

It gives indescribable joy and comfort to be able to turn to this video, during this period of grieving and to know that it will stay with us. She spread such an unbelievable amount of joy and light during her -- much too short -- life. And has left the world forever richer.

I realize that it is a long shot, but it would mean very, very much to us if there were any way you would be able to help share this last memory of Sophie.

In any case, I truly thank you for having been a catalyst in Soph leaving the world this beautiful video.

I apologize that my English is not sufficient to express my emotions (I am from Denmark), but I hope it has made sense.

Thank you again, Luna.

I Want My Music Television vol. XCII

There have been a couple of videos that have caught my eye lately so I thought I’d give them some love since the death of Musical Television left a void for a forum on the art form. If you are interested in buying the video through iTunes, click the title link (where available). If you are interested in buying the song, look for a link in the analysis.


Loca - Shakira featuring Dizzee Rascal



It may be time for Shakira to take a vacation because it wasn’t that long ago I was finish being underwhelmed by her last album, and by the sound of the first single off the next one, I am set to be underwhelmed once again. But is nice to see Dizzee Rascal get some work on a mainstream artist’s track.


Mama's Song - Carrie Underwood



Carrie Underwood has sang some overlycheesy songs in her short career, but Mama’s songs make take the prize for her cheesiest yet.


White Knuckles - OK Go



Here is yet another awesome OK Go video (now with 100% more dog) set to another mediocre at best songs.


Obsession - Sky Ferreira



I have no idea who Sky Ferreira is, she seems to be some sort of cross Avril Lavinge and the creepy chick from Gossip Girl who thinks she is Courtney Love. Whoever she is she gets points for the Reservoir Dogs reference, which I guestimate a movie that may actually be older than she is, even getting Mr. Blonde himself Michael Madsen to appear.

I Want My Music Television vol. LXXXV

There have been a couple of videos that have caught my eye lately so I thought I’d give them some love since the death of Musical Television left a void for a forum on the art form. If you are interested in buying the video through iTunes, click the title link (where available). If you are interested in buying the song, look for a link in the analysis.


Airplanes - B.o.B. featuring Hayley Williams of Paramore



I really hated the first single from B.o.B. and am getting tired of all the emo rap been going on lately, but there is something about the chorus, courtesy of the chick from Paramore, that just gets stuck in my head and bounces around there for hours.


Dear God 2.0 – The Roots featuring Monstars of Folk



The last time The Roots updated another artists song was so good that I deemed it the best song of 2003 but where The Seed 2.0 took Cody ChestnuTT’s low-fi song and pumped it throw a full band stomp, Dear God 2.0 just adds some raps and an extra beat to the Monsters of Folk which just seems lazy and disappointed compared to The Seed 2.0.


End Love - OK Go



Another interesting video from OK Go to go along with an “eh” kind of song.


Waka Waka (This Time for Africa) [English Version] {The Official 2010 FIFA World Cup (TM) Song} (feat. Freshlyground) - Shakira



Big soccer game today for us Yankees (which will probably be over by the time you read this) and I am not sure if this Shakira official 2010 FIFA theme will do much to get many players excited (this time for Africa didn’t really come true as it looks like none of the continent’s teams will advanced). And Shakira’s home nation of Columbia didn’t even qualify (but was the subject of the most recent ESPN 30 for 30 episode).

I Want My Music Television vol. LXXV

There have been a couple of videos that have caught my eye lately so I thought I’d give them some love since the death of Musical Television left a void for a forum on the art form. If you are interested in buying the video through iTunes, click the title link (where available). If you are interested in buying the song, look for a link in the analysis.

Stylo – Gorillaz



So does the lead singer of Gorillaz, 2-D, have to undergo a name change now that they have had a visual upgrade? And I have to say I was a little disappointed that Bruce Willis got the better of the band instead of the other way around.


Kandi – One EskimO



Another semi-animated video (you can check out the fully animated version here), this time from One EskimO for a song I just can’t get out of my head the last couple weeks.


This Too Shall Pass – OK Go



Ladies and gentlemen: the greatest game of Mouse Trap ever. Now if only OK Go could make music that was as entertaining as their videos.


Gypsy – Shakira



What is it about tennis players that make Latin artist want to put them in their video? First Maria Sharapova starred in an Enrique Iglesias video and here is Raphael Nadal (sans his patented Capri pants) moonlighting in the latest from Shakira.

I Want My Music Television vol. LXX

There have been a couple of videos that have caught my eye lately so I thought I’d give them some love since the death of Musical Television left a void for a forum on the art form. If you are interested in buying the video through iTunes, click the title link (where available). If you are interested in buying the song, look for a link in the analysis.


Brick by Boring Brick – Paramore



I would say the new Paramore video is Alice in Wonderland on a psychedelic trip, but the original was already that to begin with. And though it may not fit with her persona, Hayley Williams actually looks thoroughly attractive with the blonde hair and summer dress here.


Cousins – Vampire Weekend



When you hear a band is going to name their album Contra, you assume it is some pretentious political statement about the Nicaraguan rebels. But no, Vampire Weekend named their new album after one of the great video games of all time which gave way to the greatest cheat code of all time that, even though I haven’t played the game in almost two decades, I still know by heart.


Give it Up to Me – Shakira featuring Lil Wayne



I’m really not a fan of Shakira’s turn into electronic and Lil’ Wayne is the most overrated rapper of all time, but she really hasn’t looked much better than the two videos from her new album.


Remember December – Demi Lovato



I am not sure what is more disturbing, that Demi Lovato raided Rob Halford’s closet for the performance portion of the video, that she is sporting the Amy Winehouse for the girls night out scenes, or that I even watched it. At any rate, I swear this song was on the Less Than Zero soundtrack even though it actually predates the person singing the song.

I Want My Music Television vol. LX

There have been a couple of videos that have caught my eye lately so I thought I’d give them some love since the death of Musical Television left a void for a forum on the art form. If you are interested in buying the video through iTunes, click the title link (where available). If you are interested in buying the song, look for a link in the analysis.


CNR – “Weird Al” Yankovic



Last month I implored “Weird Al” Yankovic to stick with parodied, well slide me some crow because his latest “style parody” is as cool as any real parody. Al takes the Chuck Norris (who makes a cameo if you look closely) facts and goes one ups man with game show legend Charles Nelson Riley in the style of The White Stripes. Watching this makes me think of the old Remote Control category Dead or Alive (the answer for Riley at the bottom of the post).


She Wolf – Shakira



Excuse me for not being able formulate a cognitive thought to the new Shakira video because my mind has turned to mush. I am pretty sure this would have constituted as softcore porn in the eighties.


Let Me Be Myself – 3 Doors Down



If you remember last month I mentioned Jet made a Teen Wolf reference in their latest video and now another one pops up in the new 3 Doors Down video. Although it may have supposed to be a caveman. I guess we should blame the makeup guy. But between the two videos and the previously mentioned Shakira wolf themed song, I want to again push my McLovin in a Teen Wolf remake with Ellen Paige as Boof. Seriously, I should be a Hollywood executive.


Sleep Alone – Bat for Lashes



There is something extremely haunting about Bat for Lashes but I can never seem to turn it off or turn away whenever she is on.


Sadly Charles Nelson Reilly died in 2007.

We on Award Tour: 2007 Grammy Awards

The Grammy’s are always the best award shows of the year, but going into this year’s event you had a sense that the show would be an off year considering that 2006 wasn’t the best year for music in recent year. I first realized this as every year I make a mix tape for my sister of the best songs of the year for Christmas but this past year but only came up with about forty-five minutes of music. I ended up filling the rest of the album with seven different versions of Gnarls Barkley’s Crazy. In the end this year’s Grammy’s were solid but were missing a big water cooler event. In fact the only unannounced performers were Earth, Wind & Fire jumping on stage with Ludacris. The show may have been better off not announcing The Police reunion instead tease something big. But anyways. Her are some more thoughts on the big show:


- The big show starts off with the much hyped reunion of The Police performing their very first hit Roxanne. If I had a complaint it would be they only performed one song. Well, at least Quincy Jones’ daughter didn’t jump on stage to sing Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic.

- No host this year, but Jamie Foxx takes it upon himself to do a short monologue anyways that includes a funny Snoop Dogg left because he heard The Police were there joke.

- Natalie Maines defiantly looks better as a brunette. Although the darker hair didn’t help her fashion sense as the ruffles on her dress was a bad idea.

- Wow, two Prince sightings in as many weeks. And only he could have save the bland Beyoncé performance. Should have gone with Irreplaceable and put Prince to wok with his phallic guitar instead B.

- If there were a Jump the Shark equivalent in music it would letting the chick from Kids Incorporated in the The Black Eyed Peas. Need to come up with a catchy name though.

- It is nice to know that anyone with a record contract, a hand held camera, and a YouTube account can win a Grammy as OK Go takes home the Best Short Form Video Award.

- Can anyone explain to me why Justin Timberlake needs three piano players on stage with him when he is playing one too? But I like how he tried to convince everyone that the song What Goes Around... was written in voice of a friend of his. What I didn’t need though was the extreme close up during the Interlude part of the song.

- In the biggest shock of the night, in awards handed out earlier, "Weird Al" Yankovic didn’t win Best Comedy Album. I demand a recount.

- I wasn’t quite sold on it when I first heard it, but after sleeping on it, I appreciate the collaboration between Corinne Bailey Rae, John Legend (whose Coming Home stole the segment) and John Mayer much more. Although I am now convinced Mayer is purposely making the Joe Cocker faces during his guitar solos, not coming naturally. And after hearing his acceptance speech for Best Pop Album I’m also convinced that his IQ is dropping fast since hooking up with Jessica Simpson.

- Who invited the chick from The Pussycat Dolls? (Fun fact, the only chick that sings in that group was also in the reality made group, Eden's Crush, um not that I remember them either.)

- Yeah Shakira basically did the same performance as the one she did at the VMA’s this past year except instead of Indian garb her and her dancers wore golden breast plates for some reason. They also edited something out of Wyclef’s rap which to me sounded like he was trying to say, “I move the crowd like I’m Obama.” A network censoring someone shouting out Barack Obama, what is this Fox?

- Leave it up to the liberal commies of the music industry to give the Song of the Year to the anti Bush Not Ready to Make Nice over the pro-God Carrie Underwood. Fascists. And was that the dude from Semisonic up accepting the award with the Dixie Chicks?

- Wow, CBS held out its blatant product placement until the second hour with the chicks from How I Met Your Mother out to present Gnarls Barkley. The costumes were a little bit of a letdown as I’ve already seen the airport theme, but they by far had the best performance of the night.

- In categories handed out earlier, Ludicris takes home Best Rap Song for Money Maker with lines like, “It took yo momma nine months to make ya, so ya better shake what yo momma gave ya.” Did someone forget to tell the voters that this was a songwriting award? Luda then picks up the Grammy for Best Rap Album and gives the best shout out of the night that wasn’t censored thanking Oprah and Bill O’Reilly.

- Your random presenters of the night are Mandy Moore, Luke Wilson and LeAnn Rimes as they give the Best Country Album to the Dixie Chick who quote Nelson from the Simpsons. Classy.

- It would be too easy to mention that naturally all Carrie Underwood did was last night was sing karaoke. But I swear her drummer is the black writer for Studio 60 On the Sunset Strip. She then walks away with the Best New Artist award. Be sure to say hello to the Starland Vocal Band on your way to obscurity.

- In categories handed out earlier, My Humps won a Grammy. Also winning a Grammy this year: Ike Turner. Feel free to discuss amongst yourself which is more disturbing.

- Samuel L. Jackson comes out and says his favorite words are “Rhythm and Blues.” C’mon Sam everyone knows one of your favorite words is “Mother.” If you are unsure of the other word check out my review of Snakes on a Plane.

- During the R&B section, Smokey Robinson comes out and sings one of my favorite songs of all time, The Tracks of My Tears. Then Lionel Richie sings one of my favorite songs of the eighties, Hello. Then some dude named Chris Brown comes out and proves Rolling Stone’s assertion that he’s a better dancer than he is singer. Then in the most inexplicable moment of the night Christina Aguilera finally completes her transition into a drag queen by singing It's a Man's, Man's, Man's World.

- Token Old Dude alert. Well at least he didn’t spend his time whining about illegal downloading like Michael Greene always did.

- Your random transition of the night goes to the Ludacris with Mary J. Blige and Earth, Wind and Fire morphing into James Blunt.

- They spent way too much hyping that lame Grammy Moment contest. If I wanted to hear mediocre singers singing other people’s crappy songs I’d watch America Karaoke.

- For those keeping track at home, Justin Timberlake and Carrie Underwood both got to sing three songs, The Police: one.

- In the second biggest upset of the night, Not Ready to Make Nice beats out Crazy for Record of the Year. I really need someone to explain what exactly what is it about NRtMN that makes it better than Crazy. And was I just not paying attention, did CBS do some crafty editing to not promote a show not on their network, or did the dude from Heroes show up late because I didn’t notice him up to this point.

- The break announcer said the Red Hot Chili Peppers were going to have the performance that everyone will be taking about today. Um, what exactly should I be talking about, that it snowed, a trick they pulled at the VMA’s circa the Dave Navarro era?

- I had to chuckle at Al Gore when he talked about environment friendly the music industry is considering the stage was just covered in fake snow which I doubt is too good for the environment.

- Scarlett Johansson is recording an album. But how bad can it be when people like Lindsay Lohan and Jennifer Lopez have set the bar so low for actresses turned singers? She and Don Henley are out to give the Dixie Chicks a complete sweep for the night adding Album of the Year to names. Yeah they made a good album, but I wonder if people voted for them more because of their anti-Bush statements then the music itself.

Don't Download These Videos vol. VI

There have been a couple of videos that have caught my eye lately so I though I’d give them some love since the death of Musical Television left a void for a forum on the art form so here they are courtesy of YouTube. I advise you to watch them before you read my reviews if you don’t want me to spoil things. If you are interested in buying the video through iTunes, click the title link (where available, if not the link goes to YouTube where you can watch the video in full screen). If you are interested in buying the song, look for a link in the analysis.


Do I Creep You Out - “Weird Al” Yankovic



If there is one good thing about American Karaoke, it gave us Carrie Underwood who is moderately attractive. But if there were a second good thing to come out from the show it would be that it spawned this video and parody from “Weird Al” Yankovic. Yeah, I can't say I have heard the orginal version, but that doesn't make it any less brilliant. I may actually like this more than the White and Nerdy video. And for those that were wondering, the video is from Jib Jab, the guys behind those brilliantly funny political parodies from two years ago. Oh and what really makes the song great is that Taylor Hicks dude totally creeps me out so it's nice to know Al thinks the same thing.


Learn to Live with What You Are - Ben Folds



Then there’s Al’s buddy Ben Folds who has a hilarious video of his own. I can’t help think of Dodgeball with Folds walking around the city in a pirate’s outfit.


Illegal - Shakira



It should go without saying that Shakira is uber-hot, but I always thought her perm was somewhat of a turn off so the look in this video is easily her best yet. Throw in some boxing and I’m thoroughly entertained. Oh and for those who didn’t realize, that’s Carlos Santana on the guitar.


No Description (and not necessarily safe for work)



I really can’t describe this video, just watch it, you should definitely like it. If you don’t, well I feel sorry for you. Oh and don’t forget to check out the new Johnny Cash video if you haven’t already.

We on Award Tour - 2006 Video Music Awards

There were high hopes for this year’s MTV Music Video Awards after two years of well below sub-par shows. But in the end this year’s VMA’s were just as bad as the previous one with Jack Black somehow finding a way to be unfunny (and this may be a tipping point for Black after being universally panned for Nacho Libre). What was worse was for a show that has built itself of big stage productions and surprised guest, the performances seemed extremely low-budgets compared to years past and the surprised guests this year were Montel Williams, the little kid from the movie no one but movie snobs saw, and Lou Reed and the dude from ZZ Top who were most likely only there because The Raconteurs invited them. Here are more disappointing moments from the five hours of my life that I’ll never get back:

- Just as worthless as the big show was the hour and a half pre-show this basically was a vehicle for people to promote upcoming albums. Usually they have a world premiere video or exclusive interview, but nothing but two horrible performances.

- The show starts out with the chick from Kids Incorporated performing London Bridge, a song easily a lock for the Worst Songs of 2006 list. Blatant guided vocal track here as she didn’t even bother to even lip-sync half the time.

- Kurt Loder and John Norris must have something on the higher ups at the network because as MTV tries to distance itself from what it used to be (even refusing to even acknowledge it’s 25th anniversary) these two still show up every year at the VMA’s.

- Does the world really need a rock opera from My Chemical Romance? Really the world doesn’t need another album from them let along a concept album. But with the goth Sergeant Pepper garb, the creepy skeleton children’s choir, and the lead singer actually trying to sing with a fake British accent maybe the musical version of Jumping the Shark. Oh as for the premiere of their new song, it is easily a lock for the Worst Songs of 2006 list.

- Can we please end the Diddy era? The dude is now walking around with his own spokesman because he’s too elf important to talk. Really no one has capitalized on the death of someone else. Well except for all the Elvis impersonators.

- We start off the big show with Jay-Z welcoming the show back to New York City from a top of a building. This would have been a lot cooler had they not had the My Chemical Romance performance there earlier.

- Who ever decided the show should start off with a performance of a song that no one has ever heard should be fired. Worst show opening ever. When Justin Timberlake then switched to Worst Song of 2006 nominee SexyBack and brought out Big Head Timberland and a blatant guided vocal track, things didn’t get much better. What’s worse is it seems that the phrase Sexyback is going to overtake the go to phase for the corny old dudes replacing Fiddy (as in Fiddy Cent) after corny old dudes Al Gore and Jared Leto both used it.

- I kept waiting and waiting for the opening Jack Black skit to get funny, but sadly it never did. I think that it may have been the goal with the “everything going wrong” theme, but that’s just too high brow for me. Although I like how the MTV execs were the Douches. And what was with Black kissing everyone’s butt all evening? MTV really need to bring Chris Rock back.

- The first presenter is the straight from jail Lil’ Kim. Seeing her makes me wonder should you lose all the street cred you receive for going to jail but by getting released early for good behavior?

- The first shocker of the night was James Blunt for winning Best Male Video. I have a suspicion that this was a last minute decision to give him the award just to give his girlfriend some airtime.

- The least hip-hop song nominated wins Best Hip-Hop award. And up the irony quotient one of the Black Eyed Peas talked about how there is a place for positive rap as he picks up an award for a song about a woman’s naughty bits.

- Shakira and her Indian themed performance for Hips Don't Lie was probably the best of the night, but that’s not really saying much.

- Can someone please explain the allure of Jackass to me? Am I the moron for not finding naked midgets and dudes hitting each other in the testicles funny?

- Lil’ John is up next and tells everyone to get on the feet, but as the camera scans the place, everyone is as slow to get up as if a hymn started to play at church. But I can’t blame them considering it was just for Ludacris whose set looked like it was on a lower budget than most high school plays. Not a good sign for a song called Moneymaker. And had Ludacris not namedropped them, I would have never known that it was the Pussycat Dolls that came on stage at the end of the song.

- Speaking of the Pussycat Dolls, it’s sad tat we live in a world where they actually won a music award. But it’s nice that they thanked God for winning an award that tells dudes to loosen up their buttons. Classy.

- Jessica Simpson actually used the phrase “Push My Tush” while presenting the awards. I actually can feel my IQ dropping. Oh, and to follow up a story I broke here a couple days ago about her hooking up with John Mayer, just days later, Mayer posted on his blog that he really like the Public Enemy song Don’t Believe the Hype.

- OK Go redid their Here it Goes Again video with the treadmills step for step. What a waste of time. I could see the same exact routine on YouTube whenever I want, why would I want to see it live. The least they could have done was to screw p somewhere to make this performance memorable. Complete waste of time.

- What was on Paris Hilton’s head? But something has to be said that her album has been out more than a week and she has yet to perform a song live once. Even Ashlee Simpson’s people trusted her enough to lip-sync, it’s not a good sign that Paris cannot even be trusted to do that. Luckily she didn’t try doing it tonight instead she was just relegated to present the dude from Smallville and his band.

- Did some backstage dude grab Nicole Richie’s butt as she went onstage? I wonder if Nicole realized that Pink was making fun of her during her acceptance speech. I wonder if Pink realized that no one knew she was trying to be ironic.

- Did anyone else start to feel old when Snoop Dogg was talking about how all the new rappers were in diapers when he started? He then presents the Best Rap Video to Chamillionaire who said the best advice he ever got was to stay humble. Keep in mind this is coming from a guy who then named himself Chamillionaire.

- Guided Vocal Alert! Beyoncé gets no introduction and performs her second single off her new album. It’s never a good sign when a label has to rush out a second single before the album is never a good sign. Maybe we can expect that Destiny’s Child reunion sooner than later.

- T.I. is out next to perform a medley of songs I’ve never heard before and hope to never hear again.

- How funny was it that the dude who won Ringtone of the Year actually brought a list of people to thank? Apparently he didn’t get the memo that’s this was a joke award.

- It’s official, I am now totally sick of Fall Out Boy. And what was with the dude with the cape? The band is out to present Panic! at the Disco, or as I like to call it, a bathroom break. The performance would have been much better had the lead singer would have gotten hit with a bottle early in the song. If you want to see that happen, check out YouTube. Now that was entertaining.

- What's with bringing out the ten-year-old girl to the sounds of Rick James Superfreak. That is just totally wrong.

- I know that people like to make fun of past scandals but when your scandal is that you are horrible parents, it’s not a good idea to parody that sediment like Britney and her baby daddy did. Someone please send that tape to child services.

- Christina Aguilera for some reason to performed a balled. The massive guns she was showing off didn’t help with those drag queen comparisons.

- I thought they took out Michael Jackson from the Video Vangard award. Granted they have been sporatic giving it out lately. Hype Williams wins. It's sad that the rap cliches his videos created over a decade ago are still being used today.

- So AFI wins Best Rock Video and they were the only one all night who brings up the voting. This was something I was really wondering about, in the press release for the nominees, it mentioned that there was voting on the website, but I never heard anything about it after that. Nor did anything mention what the votes meant or if they meant why there was still a Viewer’s Choice Award. This is really bugging me.

- During one of their many mini-songs The Raconteurs changed the lyrics of historic song to “internet killed the video star.” Clever. Although this is about a year after I declared Podcasts Killed the Video Star.

- Worst Dressed of the night goes to Jennifer Lopez and her gypsy outfit. Seriously, who brought her out of obscurity? Can we quickly send her back there before she makes more crappy music? She appropriately presents Video of the Year to Panic! at the Disco, a crappy song to top off the crappy year.

- The night ends with The Killers. As the song ends they go to the nosebleed camera and just when you think they are setting up for something special, they cut back to Jack Black who ends the show.

Don't You See Baby, This Is Perfection

There have been a couple of videos that have caught my eye lately so I though I’d give them some love since the death of Musical Television left a void for a forum on the art form. I advise you to watch them first (the links to the video are the bold headers, inside the post will lead you to iTunes where you can buy the song and in some cases the video itself) before you read my reviews if you don’t want me to spoil things.


Shakira - Hips Don’t Lie (Fans Only)

Quite possibly the funniest thing ever. I don’t know why any video outlet would show the other version. Well, then again it does have Shakira in it moving like Shakira. They should have thought of doing a dudes only version too because those are the best part especially the ones who thought it was a good idea to film themselves without their shirts most notably the dude during the line, “Don't you see baby, yhis is perfection.” Sadly my tape must have been lost in the mail.


Kelly Clarkson - Walk Away

This video would have been more entertaining had it been not for the Shakira video as it has basically the same theme but with actors in scripted situations instead of real people. But the scene with the dudes in the locker room almost makes up for it. The song itself basically ends Kelly Clarkson’s run as guiltiest of all pleasures as her last two songs were no where as entertaining as Since U Been Gone and Behind These Hazel Eyes. Plus she looks nowhere as good in this video either, but I wonder with her constantly moving her hips, was this her submission to be in the Shakira video?


Not Ready to Make Nice - Dixie Chicks

I’m sure this video has some deep meaning to it, but it went way over my head which means it will go over every country fan’s head. But I have a feeling it has something to do with Bush, and his supporters, being morons. Way to continue to alienate your fan base Dixie Chicks. If you understand what’s going on, please fill me in.


The Flaming Lips - The Yeah Yeah Yeah Song

Again, I have no idea what’s going on, but I’m not sure I want to. But really you can’t go wrong with weird Chinese chicks with penchants for putting croissants, doughnuts, and raw red meat on random people then have them chased by fat dudes, cops, and a dude in a grizzly suit respectively. The dude from The Flaming Lips was even the dude who got the red meat treatment.


The Wreckers - Leave the Pieces

Nothing really special about the video, but this the first real contender to top my Best Songs of 2006 list. And since I plan on buying the album, this is the only place I can listen to it before it’s released because I’m not dropping .99 for a song if I’ll be buying the album later. For those who are not sure who The Wreckers are, it’s basically Michelle Branch and some other chick.


Rihanna - S.O.S.

Again, nothing special here with the video, but the song is great, you just can’t buy it yet. And the music industry wonders why people continue to steal their product. Well don’t build up a demand if you cannot supply the product especially if they can get it elsewhere for free. Actually the video is worth watching to see Rihanna go from uber-hot to uber-creepy when she busts out her 80’s look. That is of course because the song samples the Soft Cell classic Tainted Love. I was a little weary when I first heard it but it definitely grew on me. And it looks like she will have the rare feat of having the summer anthem in back to back summers. Granted Pon de Replay grew old as the temperature grew cold and landed at the paltry 69 on my Best Songs of 2005 list. But with the nostalgia feel, maybe S.O.S. will have some staying power.



There are a bunch of cool new things over on iTunes this week. First and foremost is almost all of the Dave Matthews Band studio albums, along with Dave Matthews and Boyd Tinsley’s solo albums, for the very first time. For fans of the Red Hot Chili Peppers, there is a really cool offer for those who preorder their new album, Stadium Arcadium, you get first crack to get tickets to their summer tour. And for you television buffs, NBC just recently added Scrubs to the iTunes library. I wonder if the show will have a The Office type surge, which, when put up on the service late last year, was one of the most downloaded shows and even saw a ratings boost quickly taking the show from almost canceled to being moved to NBC’s Must See TV lineup. Too bad Veronica Mars is still not on the service that way I could have downloaded the show Thursday morning and watched it later that day, but instead I have to wait until tomorrow to see the episode because it would be wrong to download it threw other means. Of course if I did, it would take until Saturday for it to actually download anyways, not that I know that from experience or anything.