I Want My Music Television vol. XCII

There have been a couple of videos that have caught my eye lately so I thought I’d give them some love since the death of Musical Television left a void for a forum on the art form. If you are interested in buying the video through iTunes, click the title link (where available). If you are interested in buying the song, look for a link in the analysis.


Loca – Shakira



It may be time for Shakira to take a vacation because it wasn’t that long ago I was finish being underwhelmed by her last album, and by the sound of the first single off the next one, I am set to be underwhelmed once again. But is nice to see Dizzee Rascal get some work on a mainstream artist’s track.


Mama's Song - Carrie Underwood



Mama's Song - Play On has sang some overlycheesy songs in her short career, but Mama’s songs make take the prize for her cheesiest yet.


White Knuckles - OK Go



Here is yet another awesome OK Go video (now with 100% more dog) set to another mediocre at best songs.


Obsession - Sky Ferreira



I have no idea who Sky Ferreira is, she seems to be some sort of cross Avril Lavinge and the creepy chick from Gossip Girl who thinks she is Courtney Love. Whoever she is she gets points for the Reservoir Dogs reference, which I guestimate a movie that may actually be older than she is, even getting Mr. Blonde himself Michael Madsen to appear.

I Want My Music Television vol. LXXXV

There have been a couple of videos that have caught my eye lately so I thought I’d give them some love since the death of Musical Television left a void for a forum on the art form. If you are interested in buying the video through iTunes, click the title link (where available). If you are interested in buying the song, look for a link in the analysis.


Airplanes - B.o.B. featuring Hayley Williams of Paramore



I really hated the first single from B.o.B. and am getting tired of all the emo rap been going on lately, but there is something about the chorus, courtesy of the chick from Paramore, that just gets stuck in my head and bounces around there for hours.


Dear God 2.0 – The Roots featuring Monstars of Folk



The last time The Roots updated another artists song was so good that I deemed it the best song of 2003 but where The Seed 2.0 took Cody ChestnuTT’s low-fi song and pumped it throw a full band stomp, Dear God 2.0 just adds some raps and an extra beat to the Monsters of Folk which just seems lazy and disappointed compared to The Seed 2.0.


End Love - OK Go



Another interesting video from OK Go to go along with an “eh” kind of song.


Waka Waka (This Time for Africa) [English Version] {The Official 2010 FIFA World Cup (TM) Song} (feat. Freshlyground) - Shakira



Big soccer game today for us Yankees (which will probably be over by the time you read this) and I am not sure if this Shakira official 2010 FIFA theme will do much to get many players excited (this time for Africa didn’t really come true as it looks like none of the continent’s teams will advanced). And Shakira’s home nation of Columbia didn’t even qualify (but was the subject of the most recent ESPN 30 for 30 episode).

I Want My Music Television vol. LXXV

There have been a couple of videos that have caught my eye lately so I thought I’d give them some love since the death of Musical Television left a void for a forum on the art form. If you are interested in buying the video through iTunes, click the title link (where available). If you are interested in buying the song, look for a link in the analysis.

Stylo – Gorillaz



So does the lead singer of Gorillaz, 2-D, have to undergo a name change now that they have had a visual upgrade? And I have to say I was a little disappointed that Bruce Willis got the better of the band instead of the other way around.


Kandi – One EskimO



Another semi-animated video (you can check out the fully animated version here), this time from One EskimO for a song I just can’t get out of my head the last couple weeks.


This Too Shall Pass – OK Go



Ladies and gentlemen: the greatest game of Mouse Trap ever. Now if only OK Go could make music that was as entertaining as their videos.


Gypsy – Shakira



What is it about tennis players that make Latin artist want to put them in their video? First Maria Sharapova starred in an Enrique Iglesias video and here is Raphael Nadal (sans his patented Capri pants) moonlighting in the latest from Shakira.

I Want My Music Television vol. LXX

There have been a couple of videos that have caught my eye lately so I thought I’d give them some love since the death of Musical Television left a void for a forum on the art form. If you are interested in buying the video through iTunes, click the title link (where available). If you are interested in buying the song, look for a link in the analysis.


Brick by Boring Brick – Paramore



I would say the new Paramore video is Alice in Wonderland on a psychedelic trip, but the original was already that to begin with. And though it may not fit with her persona, Hayley Williams actually looks thoroughly attractive with the blonde hair and summer dress here.


Cousins – Vampire Weekend



When you hear a band is going to name their album Contra, you assume it is some pretentious political statement about the Nicaraguan rebels. But no, Vampire Weekend named their new album after one of the great video games of all time which gave way to the greatest cheat code of all time that, even though I haven’t played the game in almost two decades, I still know by heart.


Give it Up to Me – Shakira featuring Lil Wayne



I’m really not a fan of Shakira’s turn into electronic and Lil’ Wayne is the most overrated rapper of all time, but she really hasn’t looked much better than the two videos from her new album.


Remember December – Demi Lovato



I am not sure what is more disturbing, that Demi Lovato raided Rob Halford’s closet for the performance portion of the video, that she is sporting the Amy Winehouse for the girls night out scenes, or that I even watched it. At any rate, I swear this song was on the Less Than Zero soundtrack even though it actually predates the person singing the song.

I Want My Music Television vol. LX

There have been a couple of videos that have caught my eye lately so I thought I’d give them some love since the death of Musical Television left a void for a forum on the art form. If you are interested in buying the video through iTunes, click the title link (where available). If you are interested in buying the song, look for a link in the analysis.


CNR – “Weird Al” Yankovic



Last month I implored “Weird Al” Yankovic to stick with parodied, well slide me some crow because his latest “style parody” is as cool as any real parody. Al takes the Chuck Norris (who makes a cameo if you look closely) facts and goes one ups man with game show legend Charles Nelson Riley in the style of The White Stripes. Watching this makes me think of the old Remote Control category Dead or Alive (the answer for Riley at the bottom of the post).


She Wolf – Shakira



Excuse me for not being able formulate a cognitive thought to the new Shakira video because my mind has turned to mush. I am pretty sure this would have constituted as softcore porn in the eighties.


Let Me Be Myself – 3 Doors Down



If you remember last month I mentioned Jet made a Teen Wolf reference in their latest video and now another one pops up in the new 3 Doors Down video. Although it may have supposed to be a caveman. I guess we should blame the makeup guy. But between the two videos and the previously mentioned Shakira wolf themed song, I want to again push my McLovin in a Teen Wolf remake with Ellen Paige as Boof. Seriously, I should be a Hollywood executive.


Sleep Alone – Bat for Lashes



There is something extremely haunting about Bat for Lashes but I can never seem to turn it off or turn away whenever she is on.


Sadly Charles Nelson Reilly died in 2007.

We on Award Tour: 2007 Grammy Awards

The Grammy’s are always the best award shows of the year, but going into this year’s event you had a sense that the show would be an off year considering that 2006 wasn’t the best year for music in recent year. I first realized this as every year I make a mix tape for my sister of the best songs of the year for Christmas but this past year but only came up with about forty-five minutes of music. I ended up filling the rest of the album with seven different versions of Gnarls Barkley’s Crazy. In the end this year’s Grammy’s were solid but were missing a big water cooler event. In fact the only unannounced performers were Earth Wind & Fire jumping on stage with Ludacris. The show may have been better off not announcing The Police reunion instead tease something big. But anyways. Her are some more thoughts on the big show:


- The big show starts off with the much hyped reunion of The Police performing their very first hit Roxanne. If I had a complaint it would be they only performed one song. Well, at least Quincy Jones’ daughter didn’t jump on stage to sing Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic.

- No host this year, but Jamie Foxx takes it upon himself to do a short monologue anyways that includes a funny Snoop Dogg left because he heard The Police were there joke.

- Natalie Maines defiantly looks better as a brunette. Although the darker hair didn’t help her fashion sense as the ruffles on her dress was a bad idea.

- Wow, two Prince sightings in as many weeks. And only he could have save the bland Beyoncé performance. Should have gone with Irreplaceable and put Prince to wok with his phallic guitar instead B.

- If there were a Jump the Shark equivalent in music it would letting the chick from Kids Incorporated in the Black Eyed Peas. Need to come up with a catchy name though.

- It is nice to know that anyone with a record contract, a hand held camera, and a YouTube account can win a Grammy as OK Go takes home the Best Short Form Video Award.

- Can anyone explain to me why Justin Timberlake needs three piano players on stage with him when he is playing one too? But I like how he tried to convince everyone that the song What Goes Around... was written in voice of a friend of his. What I didn’t need though was the extreme close up during the Interlude part of the song.

- In the biggest shock of the night, in awards handed out earlier, “Weird Al” Yankovic didn’t win Best Comedy Album. I demand a recount.

- I wasn’t quite sold on it when I first heard it, but after sleeping on it, I appreciate the collaboration between Corrine Bailey Ray, John Legend (whose Coming Home stole the segment) and John Mayer much more. Although I am now convinced Mayer is purposely making the Joe Cocker faces during his guitar solos, not coming naturally. And after hearing his acceptance speech for Best Pop Album I’m also convinced that his IQ is dropping fast since hooking up with Jessica Simpson.

- Who invited the chick from The Pussycat Dolls? (Fun fact, the only chick that sings in that group was also in the reality made group, Eden’s Crush, um not that I remember them either.)

- Yeah Shakira basically did the same performance as the one she did at the VMA’s this past year except instead of Indian garb her and her dancers wore golden breast plates for some reason. They also edited something out of Wyclef’s rap which to me sounded like he was trying to say, “I move the crowd like I’m Obama.” A network censoring someone shouting out Barack Obama, what is this Fox?

- Leave it up to the liberal commies of the music industry to give the Song of the Year to the anti Bush Not Ready to Make Nice over the pro-God Jesus Take the Wheel. Fascists. And was that the dude from Semisonic up accepting the award with the Dixie Chicks?

- Wow, CBS held out its blatant product placement until the second hour with the chicks from How I Met Your Mother out to present Gnarls Barkley. The costumes were a little bit of a letdown as I’ve already seen the airport theme, but they by far had the best performance of the night.

- In categories handed out earlier, Ludicris takes home Best Rap Song for Money Maker with lines like, “It took yo momma nine months to make ya, so ya better shake what yo momma gave ya.” Did someone forget to tell the voters that this was a songwriting award? Luda then picks up the Grammy for Best Rap Album and gives the best shout out of the night that wasn’t censored thanking Oprah and Bill O’Reilly.

- Your random presenters of the night are Mandy Moore, Luke Wilson and LeAnn Rimes as they give the Best Country Album to the Dixie Chick who quote Nelson from the Simpsons. Classy.

- It would be too easy to mention that naturally all Carrie Underwood did was last night was sing karaoke. But I swear her drummer is the black writer for Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip. She then walks away with the Best New Artist award. Be sure to say hello to the Starland Vocal Band on your way to obscurity.

- In categories handed out earlier, My Humps won a Grammy. Also winning a Grammy this year: Ike Turner. Feel free to discuss amongst yourself which is more disturbing.

- Samuel L. Jackson comes out and says his favorite words are “Rhythm and Blues.” C’mon Sam everyone knows one of your favorite words is “Mother.” If you are unsure of the other word check out my review of Snakes on a Plane.

- During the R&B section, Smokey Robinson comes out and sings one of my favorite songs of all time, The Tracks of My Tears. Then Lionel Richie sings one of my favorite songs of the eighties, Hello. Then some dude named Chris Brown comes out and proves Rolling Stone’s assertion that he’s a better dancer than he is singer. Then in the most inexplicable moment of the night Christina Aguilera finally completes her transition into a drag queen by singing It’s a Man’s, Man’s, Man’s World.

- Token Old Dude alert. Well at least he didn’t spend his time whining about illegal downloading like Michael Greene always did.

- Your random transition of the night goes to the Ludacris with Mary J. Blige and Earth, Wind and Fire morphing into James Blunt.

- They spent way too much hyping that lame Grammy Moment contest. If I wanted to hear mediocre singers singing other people’s crappy songs I’d watch America Karaoke.

- For those keeping track at home, Justin Timberlake and Carrie Underwood both got to sing three songs, The Police: one.

- In the second biggest upset of the night, Not Ready to Make Nice beats out Crazy for Record of the Year. I really need someone to explain what exactly what is it about NRtMN that makes it better than Crazy. And was I just not paying attention, did CBS do some crafty editing to not promote a show not on their network, or did the dude from Heroes show up late because I didn’t notice him up to this point.

- The break announcer said the Red Hot Chili Peppers were going to have the performance that everyone will be taking about today. Um, what exactly should I be talking about, that it snowed, a trick they pulled at the VMA’s circa the Dave Navarro era?

- I had to chuckle at Al Gore when he talked about environment friendly the music industry is considering the stage was just covered in fake snow which I doubt is too good for the environment.

- Scarlett Johansson is recording an album. But how bad can it be when people like Lindsay Lohan and Jennifer Lopez have set the bar so low for actresses turned singers? She and Don Henley are out to give the Dixie Chicks a complete sweep for the night adding Album of the Year to names. Yeah they made a good album, but I wonder if people voted for them more because of their anti-Bush statements then the music itself.

Don't Download These Videos vol. VI

There have been a couple of videos that have caught my eye lately so I though I’d give them some love since the death of Musical Television left a void for a forum on the art form so here they are courtesy of YouTube. I advise you to watch them before you read my reviews if you don’t want me to spoil things. If you are interested in buying the video through iTunes, click the title link (where available, if not the link goes to YouTube where you can watch the video in full screen). If you are interested in buying the song, look for a link in the analysis.


Do I Creep You Out - “Weird Al” Yankovic



If there is one good thing about American Karaoke, it gave us Carrie Underwood who is moderately attractive. But if there were a second good thing to come out from the show it would be that it spawned this video and parody from “Weird Al” Yankovic. Yeah, I can't say I have heard the orginal version, but that doesn't make it any less brilliant. I may actually like this more than the White and Nerdy video. And for those that were wondering, the video is from Jib Jab, the guys behind those brilliantly funny political parodies from two years ago. Oh and what really makes the song great is that Taylor Hicks dude totally creeps me out so it's nice to know Al thinks the same thing.


Learn to Live with What You Are - Ben Folds



Then there’s Al’s buddy Ben Folds who has a hilarious video of his own. I can’t help think of Dodgeball with Folds walking around the city in a pirate’s outfit.


Illegal - Shakira



It should go without saying that Shakira is uber-hot, but I always thought her perm was somewhat of a turn off so the look in this video is easily her best yet. Throw in some boxing and I’m thoroughly entertained. Oh and for those who didn’t realize, that’s Carlos Santana on the guitar.


No Description (and not necessarily safe for work)



I really can’t describe this video, just watch it, you should definitely like it. If you don’t, well I feel sorry for you. Oh and don’t forget to check out the new Johnny Cash video if you haven’t already.

We on Award Tour - 2006 Video Music Awards

There were high hopes for this year’s MTV Music Video Awards after two years of well below sub-par shows. But in the end this year’s VMA’s were just as bad as the previous one with Jack Black somehow finding a way to be unfunny (and this may be a tipping point for Black after being universally panned for Nacho Libre). What was worse was for a show that has built itself of big stage productions and surprised guest, the performances seemed extremely low-budgets compared to years past and the surprised guests this year were Montel Williams, the little kid from the movie no one but movie snobs saw, and Lou Reed and the dude from ZZ Top who were most likely only there because The Raconteurs invited them. Here are more disappointing moments from the five hours of my life that I’ll never get back:

- Just as worthless as the big show was the hour and a half pre-show this basically was a vehicle for people to promote upcoming albums. Usually they have a world premiere video or exclusive interview, but nothing but two horrible performances.

- The show starts out with the chick from Kids Incorporated performing London Bridge, a song easily a lock for the Worst Songs of 2006 list. Blatant guided vocal track here as she didn’t even bother to even lip-sync half the time.

- Kurt Loder and John Norris must have something on the higher ups at the network because as MTV tries to distance itself from what it used to be (even refusing to even acknowledge it’s 25th anniversary) these two still show up every year at the VMA’s.

- Does the world really need a rock opera from My Chemical Romance? Really the world doesn’t need another album from them let along a concept album. But with the goth Sergeant Pepper garb, the creepy skeleton children’s choir, and the lead singer actually trying to sing with a fake British accent maybe the musical version of Jumping the Shark. Oh as for the premiere of their new song, it is easily a lock for the Worst Songs of 2006 list.

- Can we please end the Diddy era? The dude is now walking around with his own spokesman because he’s too elf important to talk. Really no one has capitalized on the death of someone else. Well except for all the Elvis impersonators.

- We start off the big show with Jay-Z welcoming the show back to New York City from a top of a building. This would have been a lot cooler had they not had the My Chemical Romance performance there earlier.

- Who ever decided the show should start off with a performance of a song that no one has ever heard should be fired. Worst show opening ever. When Justin Timberlake then switched to Worst Song of 2006 nominee SexyBack and brought out Big Head Timberland and a blatant guided vocal track, things didn’t get much better. What’s worse is it seems that the phrase Sexyback is going to overtake the go to phase for the corny old dudes replacing Fiddy (as in Fiddy Cent) after corny old dudes Al Gore and Jared Leto both used it.

- I kept waiting and waiting for the opening Jack Black skit to get funny, but sadly it never did. I think that it may have been the goal with the “everything going wrong” theme, but that’s just too high brow for me. Although I like how the MTV execs were the Douches. And what was with Black kissing everyone’s butt all evening? MTV really need to bring Chris Rock back.

- The first presenter is the straight from jail Lil’ Kim. Seeing her makes me wonder should you lose all the street cred you receive for going to jail but by getting released early for good behavior?

- The first shocker of the night was James Blunt for winning Best Male Video. I have a suspicion that this was a last minute decision to give him the award just to give his girlfriend some airtime.

- The least hip-hop song nominated wins Best Hip-Hop award. And up the irony quotient one of the Black Eyed Peas talked about how there is a place for positive rap as he picks up an award for a song about a woman’s naughty bits.

- Shakira and her Indian themed performance for Hips Don't Lie was probably the best of the night, but that’s not really saying much.

- Can someone please explain the allure of Jackass to me? Am I the moron for not finding naked midgets and dudes hitting each other in the testicles funny?

- Lil’ John is up next and tells everyone to get on the feet, but as the camera scans the place, everyone is as slow to get up as if a hymn started to play at church. But I can’t blame them considering it was just for Ludacris whose set looked like it was on a lower budget than most high school plays. Not a good sign for a song called Moneymaker. And had Ludacris not namedropped them, I would have never known that it was the Pussycat Dolls that came on stage at the end of the song.

- Speaking of the Pussycat Dolls, it’s sad tat we live in a world where they actually won a music award. But it’s nice that they thanked God for winning an award that tells dudes to loosen up their buttons. Classy.

- Jessica Simpson actually used the phrase “Push My Tush” while presenting the awards. I actually can feel my IQ dropping. Oh, and to follow up a story I broke here a couple days ago about her hooking up with John Mayer, just days later, Mayer posted on his blog that he really like the Public Enemy song Don’t Believe the Hype.

- OK Go redid their Here it Goes Again video with the treadmills step for step. What a waste of time. I could see the same exact routine on YouTube whenever I want, why would I want to see it live. The least they could have done was to screw p somewhere to make this performance memorable. Complete waste of time.

- What was on Paris Hilton’s head? But something has to be said that her album has been out more than a week and she has yet to perform a song live once. Even Ashlee Simpson’s people trusted her enough to lip-sync, it’s not a good sign that Paris cannot even be trusted to do that. Luckily she didn’t try doing it tonight instead she was just relegated to present the dude from Smallville and his band.

- Did some backstage dude grab Nicole Richie’s butt as she went onstage? I wonder if Nicole realized that Pink was making fun of her during her acceptance speech. I wonder if Pink realized that no one knew she was trying to be ironic.

- Did anyone else start to feel old when Snoop Dogg was talking about how all the new rappers were in diapers when he started? He then presents the Best Rap Video to Chamillionaire who said the best advice he ever got was to stay humble. Keep in mind this is coming from a guy who then named himself Chamillionaire.

- Guided Vocal Alert! Beyoncé gets no introduction and performs her second single off her new album. It’s never a good sign when a label has to rush out a second single before the album is never a good sign. Maybe we can expect that Destiny’s Child reunion sooner than later.

- T.I. is out next to perform a medley of songs I’ve never heard before and hope to never hear again.

- How funny was it that the dude who won Ringtone of the Year actually brought a list of people to thank? Apparently he didn’t get the memo that’s this was a joke award.

- It’s official, I am now totally sick of Fall Out Boy. And what was with the dude with the cape? The band is out to present Panic! at the Disco, or as I like to call it, a bathroom break. The performance would have been much better had the lead singer would have gotten hit with a bottle early in the song. If you want to see that happen, check out YouTube. Now that was entertaining.

- What's with bringing out the ten-year-old girl to the sounds of Rick James Superfreak. That is just totally wrong.

- I know that people like to make fun of past scandals but when your scandal is that you are horrible parents, it’s not a good idea to parody that sediment like Britney and her baby daddy did. Someone please send that tape to child services.

- Christina Aguilera for some reason to performed a balled. The massive guns she was showing off didn’t help with those drag queen comparisons.

- I thought they took out Michael Jackson from the Video Vangard award. Granted they have been sporatic giving it out lately. Hype Williams wins. It's sad that the rap cliches his videos created over a decade ago are still being used today.

- So AFI wins Best Rock Video and they were the only one all night who brings up the voting. This was something I was really wondering about, in the press release for the nominees, it mentioned that there was voting on the website, but I never heard anything about it after that. Nor did anything mention what the votes meant or if they meant why there was still a Viewer’s Choice Award. This is really bugging me.

- During one of their many mini-songs The Raconteurs changed the lyrics of historic song to “internet killed the video star.” Clever. Although this is about a year after I declared Podcasts Killed the Video Star.

- Worst Dressed of the night goes to Jennifer Lopez and her gypsy outfit. Seriously, who brought her out of obscurity? Can we quickly send her back there before she makes more crappy music? She appropriately presents Video of the Year to Panic! at the Disco, a crappy song to top off the crappy year.

- The night ends with The Killers. As the song ends they go to the nosebleed camera and just when you think they are setting up for something special, they cut back to Jack Black who ends the show.

Don't You See Baby, This Is Perfection

There have been a couple of videos that have caught my eye lately so I though I’d give them some love since the death of Musical Television left a void for a forum on the art form. I advise you to watch them first (the links to the video are the bold headers, inside the post will lead you to iTunes where you can buy the song and in some cases the video itself) before you read my reviews if you don’t want me to spoil things.


Shakira - Hips Don’t Lie (Fans Only)

Quite possibly the funniest thing ever. I don’t know why any video outlet would show the other version. Well, then again it does have Shakira in it moving like Shakira. They should have thought of doing a dudes only version too because those are the best part especially the ones who thought it was a good idea to film themselves without their shirts most notably the dude during the line, “Don't you see baby, yhis is perfection.” Sadly my tape must have been lost in the mail.


Kelly Clarkson - Walk Away

This video would have been more entertaining had it been not for the Shakira video as it has basically the same theme but with actors in scripted situations instead of real people. But the scene with the dudes in the locker room almost makes up for it. The song itself basically ends Kelly Clarkson’s run as guiltiest of all pleasures as her last two songs were no where as entertaining as Since U Been Gone and Behind These Hazel Eyes. Plus she looks nowhere as good in this video either, but I wonder with her constantly moving her hips, was this her submission to be in the Shakira video?


Not Ready to Make Nice - Dixie Chicks

I’m sure this video has some deep meaning to it, but it went way over my head which means it will go over every country fan’s head. But I have a feeling it has something to do with Bush, and his supporters, being morons. Way to continue to alienate your fan base Dixie Chicks. If you understand what’s going on, please fill me in.


The Flaming Lips - The Yeah Yeah Yeah Song

Again, I have no idea what’s going on, but I’m not sure I want to. But really you can’t go wrong with weird Chinese chicks with penchants for putting croissants, doughnuts, and raw red meat on random people then have them chased by fat dudes, cops, and a dude in a grizzly suit respectively. The dude from The Flaming Lips was even the dude who got the red meat treatment.


The Wreckers - Leave the Pieces

Nothing really special about the video, but this the first real contender to top my Best Songs of 2006 list. And since I plan on buying the album, this is the only place I can listen to it before it’s released because I’m not dropping .99 for a song if I’ll be buying the album later. For those who are not sure who The Wreckers are, it’s basically Michelle Branch and some other chick.


Rihanna - S.O.S.

Again, nothing special here with the video, but the song is great, you just can’t buy it yet. And the music industry wonders why people continue to steal their product. Well don’t build up a demand if you cannot supply the product especially if they can get it elsewhere for free. Actually the video is worth watching to see Rihanna go from uber-hot to uber-creepy when she busts out her 80’s look. That is of course because the song samples the Soft Cell classic Tainted Love. I was a little weary when I first heard it but it definitely grew on me. And it looks like she will have the rare feat of having the summer anthem in back to back summers. Granted Pon de Replay grew old as the temperature grew cold and landed at the paltry 69 on my Best Songs of 2005 list. But with the nostalgia feel, maybe S.O.S. will have some staying power.



There are a bunch of cool new things over on iTunes this week. First and foremost is almost all of the Dave Matthews Band studio albums, along with Dave Matthews and Boyd Tinsley’s solo albums, for the very first time. For fans of the Red Hot Chili Peppers, there is a really cool offer for those who preorder their new album, Stadium Arcadium, you get first crack to get tickets to their summer tour. And for you television buffs, NBC just recently added Scrubs to the iTunes library. I wonder if the show will have a The Office type surge, which, when put up on the service late last year, was one of the most downloaded shows and even saw a ratings boost quickly taking the show from almost canceled to being moved to NBC’s Must See TV lineup. Too bad Veronica Mars is still not on the service that way I could have downloaded the show Thursday morning and watched it later that day, but instead I have to wait until tomorrow to see the episode because it would be wrong to download it threw other means. Of course if I did, it would take until Saturday for it to actually download anyways, not that I know that from experience or anything.

What Language Do You Speak if You Speak at All

Shakira came along during the Latin explosion of the late 90’s except unlike many who populated the genre, she wasn’t born and raised in the United States nor was English her first language. Her lack of experience in the language showed on her first English speaking album, Laundry Service, she made up in presentation and was much more experimental than the Latin pop of Jennifer Lopez or Ricky Martin whose songs all sounded alike.

After taking a couple years off, Shakira came back this year with two albums, back in July she released the Spanish language Fijacion Oral vol. 1 (translation Oral Fixation) that featured La Tortura, a song with so much sexual tension even American didn’t need a translation, and more recently she released the English language Oral Fixation vol. 2 (translation Fijacion Oral). There are two songs that overlap both albums, the lovely Something and the uplifting The Day and the Time.

Volume 2 actually starts of with some people chanting the Lords Prayer. I think this is the first time chanting was included in a pop song since Enigma scored their only hit with Sadness part 1. But the song, How Do You Do, quickly turns into a rocker about the violence that surrounds religion with lyrics like, “How many people die, and hurt in your name? Hey, does that make you proud, or does it bring you shame?” Apparently George Bush and Osama bin Laden have the answers.

After the opener, Shakira deals with a failed relation on Don’t Bother and Illegal, the later which feature Carlos Santana and his trademark guitar and sound like a more somber version Underneath Your Clothes claiming “it should be illegal to break a woman’s heart.” Don’t Bother, on the other hand is a more upbeat kiss-off to a former flame who is trying to reunite.

Even though this time around Shakira seems to master the English language a little better, her strong point is still in the presentation. And it seems as if she has been listening to a lot of American 80’s since her last album. During How Do You Do, there is a guitar solo that song very similar to Edie Brickell’s What I Am, while on Don’t Bother, the guitars seemed to be borrowed from the Cure’s Just Like Heaven. The bouncy Hey You sounds like something out of the Stray Cats catalog had a female been the lead singer. And she even seems influenced by bands who themselves like the 80’s retro sound as The Day and the Time sound much like The Killer’s Smile Like You Me It. But she does go old school Latin music with the inclusion of mariachi horns on Animal City. But in each case she is able to make it her own.

The album ends much like it starts off but instead it’s a children’s choir that does the chanting on yet another 80’s influenced Timor which relays heavy on synthesizers and drum loops. But instead of religion, politics is the topic with the kids asking throughout the song, “How about the people who don't matter anymore?” Taking aim at the apathy that plagues the youth around the wealthy world who care more about what’s on MTV than those less fortunate who are dieing whether it be by war or by hunger.

Song to Download – Hey You

Oral Fixation vol. 2 get a on my Terror Alert Scale.

We on Award Tour - 2005 Video Music Awards Recap

The MTV Video Music Awards have come and gone this year. A lot of cool thing that happened this year, but much like last year, there was not a defining water cooler moment again granted I was at the water cooler today gushing over the return of Beavis and Butthead. Diddy was your host and he didn’t suck as bad as the Wayans Brothers yet he came no where close to Chris Rock, Dennis Miller or even Arsinio Hall. And why has no one pointed out the Diddy has adopted the name of a cheesy rap song from the early 90’s yet. Am I the only one who remembers that song? “Do the diddy if you won’t do me cause damn I can see that you want me.” But anyways, here are some of my highlights from the show:

Pre-Show
- So there was a car show of the pimpest rides on the pre-show with Green Day’s car from the Holiday video stealing the show. But can we retire the word “pimp” as a positive adjective. Let’s not forget a true pimp is someone who forces women to sell their bodies for money. This is a word that should ever be glorified.

- Also part of the car show was Ludacris who drove in a custom Louis Vuittan car. Did I miss something; I thought LV was for chicks. Any guy I see with LV gets mocked thoroughly.

- The Game also rolled up in his car. Although the commentator called him just Game. So what is it, “The Game” or just “Game?” Did he drop the "The" like Diddy dropped the "P?" I’m just a corny old white dude; I need help figuring these things out.

- MTV apparently has a new fashion consultant, Coltrane. Just what MTV needs, their very on Joan Rivers critiquing clothes.

- During the pre-show, they were hawking a new Madonna concert DVD. Is there anyone who would actually spend money to see a 40 year old lip-sync?

- Okay, it seems that Houston is the new hot rap city, but after hearing the medley of Houston rappers perform, I think it may be time to move to the next city. Topeka anyone?

- Yes, those were Ice-T’s wife’s nipples you saw. Brings back fond memories of Rose McGowan.

- John Norris was heard asking everyone who is going to win the big prize but would always interject, “A lot of people say Kanye will take home the big one.” John, actually you were the only one who was saying it.

The Main Show
- Odd choice with a Green Day performing a relatively low key Boulevard of Broken Dreams. Not quite as good as my suggestion.

- Yes that was a teleprompter you saw in Diddy opening “performance.” He comes out to Frankie Goes to Hollywood’s Relax, Diddy is the only one who loves the 80’s more than VH1. And for those keeping track, that’s the second gay anthem that Diddy has associated himself with, Diana Ross’ I’m Coming Out.

- The opening itself was cool, but reminded me too much as a mini version of the Olympics ceremony. The water theme was also cool, especially how they transitioned the video nominees.

- Winning the Carrie Fisher Award for hot chick that has fallen the quickest goes to Lindsay Lohan. She just gets uglier and uglier. Someone buy her a Big Mac please.

- Interesting to mix up the Best Male and Female Videos together. Kanye West and Kelly Clarkson win, okay mash-up artist, it’s time to give that a try. Behind These Gold Digging Eyes anyone?

- Big Daddy Butthead and fire loving Beavis are back. Now where exactly can I vote for them to get back on MTV?

- I have a theory that Ciara is the black Britney Spears. Marginally attractive but shows a lot of skin – check. Limited vocal range – check. Attaches herself to an equally talent less boyfriend – check. Focuses more time on her dancing than singing – check. Make music that makes my ears bleed – check.

- Now I’m a sucker for steel drum, but I was still disappointed there was no Mike Myers during Ludacris’ performance, instead we get some dude named Bobby Valentino.

- Did Diddy really call Orlando Bloom the prettiest person in the world?

- It was nice to see Grandmaster Flash. Too bad it was ruined with a dance off between Diddy and Omarion. Which then led to the biggest surprise of the night, an appearance by Hammer? Hey, anything can happen. And yes, I still know every word to U Can’t Touch This. And thinking about it, I know Hammer wasn't a one hit wonder, but can anyone name another one of his songs?

- Worst outfit award goes to Jessica Simpson weird backless, yet still wearing a bra, French Maid ensemble. She also takes home worst hair award.

- Am I mistaken, or did Alicia Keys wear the same unfavorable, form fitting, dress as last year?

- What was with the dude with Shakira and his guitar? He only strummed it about two times; it was like members of N’Sync performing with microphone. I wonder if the dude was carrying it because he needed to hides something.

- Umm, should I know what clowning or crumping is? My spell check doesn’t even know what the crumping is.

- Missy Elliot wins Best Dance Video. Shouldn’t this award go to a song you could actually dance to?

- Holy Eric Roberts sighting! Nice plug for his step-son’s, Keaton Simons, album and website. Now how exactly do I go about getting my refund that he offered?

- Now typically I rip anyone who lip-syncs, but I’ll let R. Kelly slid on account they he gave the most entertaining performance o the night. And just when I thought nothing could top Chapters 1-5 videos for Trapped in the Closet, Kelly goes and tops himself with a one man show debuting Chapter 6. I can’t wait for Chapters 7-12. Kelly was also seen on the red, oops, white carpet wearing an “I’m Rick James’ Bitch” shirt. I’m sorry to hear that and I sure hope your crack-pipe burns have healed by now R.

- Did we really need to see a naked Sean Combs? Although Kunta Combs was funny. It was nice to see Diddy take a pot shot at half the country when he brought up his Vote or Die campaign. Which reminds me, when is Diddy going to get around to killing Paris Hilton, she didn’t even register to vote.

- Diddy announces that Hilary Duff and Joel Madden are the Jay-Z and Beyoncé of rock. Well except Jay-Z wait for Beyoncé to be well past 18 before they started dating. Now Joel may be the Roman Polanski of pseudo-punk, that might be a better comparison. I wonder what the age of consent is in Florida.

- The Killers are remote from some hotel. Very Miami Vice setting, fitting for the band’s love for the 80’s is only trumped by Diddy.

- Holy Lil’ Kim sighting! Shouldn’t she be in jail by now, wasn’t she convicted a couple months ago. Oh, I forgot, she’s famous (relatively), she can show up to jail whenever she want. It’s odd that all the famous guys get off yet the famous females get jail time.

- We are then treated to by an appearance by Big Daddy Poseidon and the Roman God of feces and manure. Seriously, where can I vote to get Beavis and Butthead back on the air?

- Nice tribute to Biggie although it was surprising that they went with lesser known Juicy and Warning instead of smashes like Big Poppa or Hypnotize. And they even censored the line “blow up like the World Trade,” I’m not sure that was needed. He wasn’t even alive for reason they bleeped it for. And as the ten year anniversaries of their deaths creep closer, I’m starting to begin to think that maybe Biggie and Tupac are really dead, not hanging out in Hawaii with Elvis as I previously thought.

- The classiest and least classy people, Common and Johnny Knoxville present together. I shouldn’t have to specify which is which.

- Morbidly Obese Joe presents a medley of Reggaeton artists. That was extremely horrible. This could be to my generation what rap was to my parents and rock and roll was to their parents. I really hate the whole getting old thing.

- Missy Elliot defies conventional wisdom again by winning Best Hip Hop. But then again, this category hasn’t had any credibility since Jennifer Lopez won it.

- Worst Bling of the night goes to Pharrell. This is saying a lot with all the mouth bling the Houston rappers were sporting.

- I wonder why Coldplay is now putting MTF on its piano. I’m not sure many people realized that it stands for maketradefair.com. It was nice to see Chris Martin run up to the cheap seats and get surrounded by a bunch of drunken people.

- Should I know who B5 is? And all they do is present other presenter. What that really needed?

- Kelly Clarkson wins best pop and walks through the fountain of water to accept the award. I love the gratuitous Gwen Stefani shots after she losses. It almost like MTV was jabbing at her for threatening to not show up is they didn’t let her perform. They didn’t even show any of the Moonmen she won on the big show.

- Not since Andrew Dice Clay has MTV given a comedian air time at the VMA’s for some stand up, and this year they give time to… Dane Cook? Should I know who he is? Actually the guy was pretty funny, especially the part about putting a detonator in your kid. Maybe they should get this dude to host next year.

- The Killers win Best New Artist and for the first time ever, and drummer actually gives the acceptance speech.

- Stefani win best Diddy’s best dressed challenge even though she’s wearing some leopard spot dress out of the Soprano’s wardrobe. Obviously the female population voted for this as is it was judged by dudes Eva Longoria would have won by a landslide.

- Guided Vocal Alert! As I predicted, Mariah Carey’s performance made for a good bathroom break and her little midget showed to move around like an idiot. And if The Lox ever want to get some street cred, maybe they should stop showing up on J-Lo and Mariah songs.

- I don’t know who Paulia Rubio is, but I’m glad she wore that dress. And I like how she kept trying to say the Gorillaz couldn’t be their as the cartoon’s acceptance speech ran behind her.

- Remember when 50 Cent had credibility? His guided vocal performance was quite boring, and then brings out Mobb Deep, who just became hype men. Then come out the winner of the Macy Gray Award for lamest self promotion, Tony Yayo to perform the worst song of the medley. But thing were almost salvaged as 50 went on a tirade against Morbidly Obese Joe with plenty of obscenities making it on air. For those of those not paying attention 50 said, “Fat Joe is a…” um, as Naughty by Nature put it, “It’s another why to call a cat or kitten, there’s five letters missing here.”

- More reasons why My Chemical Romance suck, they are Diddy favorite band. I recently read in Rolling Stone that the group members are pushing thirty. That’s kind of creepy considering that their fan base is moody 14 year olds. Granted Eminem is on the wrong side of thirty and his fan base are 16 year old brats. And on the subject of MCR, is it wrong that I think the dead chick in their video is hot?

- Can anyone explain why Lil Bow Wow and Paris Hilton are still around? This did lead to the funniest awkward moment and Lil and Billy Joe could figure out if they should shake hands, hug, or give a chest bump.

- Did Michelle from Destiny’s Child really just quote Fall Out Boy?

- Green Day wins Video of the Year and gets much love from Hammer on their way to accept the award. That should be award enough.

- As for a wet Kelly Clarkson and you shall receive a wet Kelly Clarkson. I wonder if anyone let the audience know they were going to be drench because I saw a few unhappy faces in the crowd. And some one should have told Kelly that when she performs in the rain, she may not want to go barefoot, but then had they done so, we wouldn’t have seen her slip in a puddle.

And then that was it. The surprise performances were Hammer and My Chemical Romance. That can’t be a good sign for an awards show. Also, no one got shot, unless you count Suge Knight who was shot at a pre show. But he was not critically injured and neither Lohan nor Hilton got caught in the cross-fire. For those who missed the show, it’s MTV, they will repeat it constantly for a month. And in response to getting panned over AOL’s coverage over Live8, for those with Broadband, you can see the whole show, plus extras, on MTV’s Overdrive internet channel.

My final tally:

3 of 21 (.143) thought should have won.
8 of 21 (.381) I predicted correctly.