If You Wrote Me Off, I'd Understand It

Ben Folds, formally of the numerically deficient Ben Folds Five (there were only three of them), rode high on the Geek Rock phase in the late 90's that also included Weezer and Barenaked Ladies. After the release of the great Whatever and Ever Amen, featured the best break up song ever, A Song for the Dumped, and the big hit Brick, Ben dropped the other four two and released a lackluster debut solo album, Rockin' the Suburbs. Piano pop has since been taken over by the females such as Alicia Keys and Vanessa Carlton. I was about to write Ben off until I discovered the brilliant (expletive Deleted) Ain't (Expletive Deleted) and it renewed my faith. This was when I heard the first single, Landed, from the new album, Songs for Silverman. In the song, Folds almost admits his recent lackluster past with the line "If you wrote me off, I'd understand it." He may know that this may be his last shot and he comes out with some of his best work. Landed, like most of the songs on the album, is a grandioso song in vein of Elton John's 70's catalog (this is a guy who is known to sing Rocket Man in concert).

Ben Folds has shown much growth as a songwriter with this album, dealing with more relationship from a more mature vantage point. This most evident in the opener, Bastard, an ode to an old man who thinks he know everything. In the song, he points out "The wiz man never fit you like the wiz kid did." It's almost as if he's talking about the smart-aleck Ben Folds that appeared on earlier albums. Jesusland, keeping with the 70's vibe, sounds disturbingly like Kansas' Dust in the Wind. The song is a drive through Red State America through the eyes a Blue States, so channeling Kansas (a Red State) almost makes sense. Gracie continues Folds love of names songs after females like Kate, Jane, and Julianne, Annie, along with Judy on this album. Gracie sounds like a lullaby to a young daughter that does better for the father-daughter relationship better than John Mayer could do and is not as sappy as Billy Joel's Lullaby.

Songs for Silverman gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.

I am the Champion, My Friends

A very funny site I like to visit is The George Comics Blog. Over at the site is a weekly "Caption This Picture" contest and this week's winner in none other than yours truly, Scooter McGavin. So to everyone who says I'm not funny, all I have in response is "Suck it Trebek." Feel free to drop by the site yourself and see if you can do any better. So without further ado, here is the award-winning caption:


I thought you said you were going to build me a maid that looked like Natalie Portman.

Like a Fat Kid Loves Cake

I’m sick of all these people taking pot shots at Sesame Street because they are making the Cookie Monster more health conscience. First, if you care that much about a kid’s show and you have already gone threw puberty, than you, my sir, are a loser. And that includes you too, Jerry Falwell.

Secondly, have these morons gone out to the supermarket, among other places, and seen all the morbidly obese people waddling along. Call me shallow, but I'd rather look at more attractive, skinny people and if having the Cookie Monster eat some lettuce every once in a while, I’m fine with it. They could start calling him the Lettuce Monster if they want. Maybe it’s time for a major switch in our society so that it is no longer socially acceptable to have a majority of out population overweight. It's OK if we rip smokers for making an unhealthy choice but not the obese? But seriously, it's not that hard to do the 15-30 minutes of exercise each day that is recommended. If it takes doing your sit-ups during Oprah, than do it. Find the time chief. And if you need some more suggestions, they was a good article in Newsweek’s April 25th edition. I'll stop my rant there because there is nothing more I can say that Denis Leary hasn't already said.

And just in case you were wondering what Sesame Street character I am, here you go:


The Count's Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder


It started with a simple affection for counting and
the terror it induced in others, didn't it?
But now it's turned into a full-blown
life-consuming chaotic nightmare of order,
repetition, zealousness, and perfectionism.
You used to be so grand, but now you find
yourself obsessively worrying over the littlest
things--like, maybe if you don't check the
light switch at least once every two minutes,
the electricity will go out (and darnit, you're
a vampire--that shouldn't be a problem!), or
maybe if you don't wash your hands until your
seams are coming out, you'll get some fatal
disease. Get yourself some treatment.

Which Sesame Street Muppet's Dark Secret Are You?
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2005 NFL Draft day 2

It's time for day 2 analysis of the Browns' part in the 2005 NFL draft. Scroll down a little for day 1 if you missed it. Before I get into the picks, let me handle some non-Browns issues. First, kudos to ESPN for playing the very appropriate The Choice is Yours by the Black Sheep to play going into the commercial breaks. This is a great song that always takes me back to Middle School. Secondly, more on taking a kicker with your first pick, I don't care how bad mine was last year, I never want see my team draft a kicker that early. If you are really that hard up for a kicker, go to Europe or South America and scout a minor league soccer player and offer him NFL money. That way you won't even need to waste a draft pick, and the soccer player will most likely better than anyone who will be in the draft. Hey, recruiting a soccer player worked in Necessary Roughness (granted you won't be able to find anyone as hot as Kathy Ireland). The Browns also picked up another draft pick (203) when they shipped Luke McCown to Tampa Bay. This is a good move for every one as I stated yesterday, cold weather teams need cold weather QB's. So with Frye, a warm weathered McCown was disposable. Plus I'm always a fan of stockpiling draft pick.

4th Round (103rd Overall) - Antonio Perkins (CB Oklahoma) - Yet another DB from OU. At least he and Pool will know each other’s tendencies so no honeymoon period need there. That is if either plays together as this makes 12 DB's on Cleveland's roster right now but Perkins should be a dime back option and help Northcutt out on returns.

5th Round (139th Overall) - David McMillan (DE Kansas) - Now we are getting to addressing the major problem with the Browns, the DL. McMillan seems a little small at weighing in at 262 pounds. Although he makes up for lack of size with his speed, but with Jamal Lewis in your division, what you need is some one to plug holes up from.

6th Round (176th Overall) - Nick Speegle (OLB New Mexico) - Joins an already crowded young LB crew. Granted most are poor Butch Davis draft picks that will be gone by the start of the season.

6th Round (203rd Overall) - Andrew Hoffman (DT Virginia) - This was from the McCown trade. Hoffman is a bit bigger, but a whole lot slower, than McMillan. So he will at least be a hole-plugger.

7th Round (217th Overall) - Jon Dunn (OT Virginia Tech) - First thing that jumps out at me about Dunn was he was suspended for a game for violating team rules. I couldn't find out exactly what the offence was but one game is virtually a slap on the rest so I'm not too worried about his character. Otherwise the guy seems like a horse, just what Cleveland needs up front.

Overall I give the Browns 2005 draft a B-. They touched on all their problem areas, but I feel that they should have gone for linemen on both sides of the ball on the first day. Hopefully they bring in more free agents to help in those positions. My early prediction is 6 wins for the Browns this year.