57 Channels and Only This Is On vol. XXIX

Quote of the Week: Unless my people were freed by Benjamin Franklin and his five twin brothers you are wasting your time. (Black Nurse, The Big Bang Theory)

Song of the Week: Feels Like the First Time - Foreigner (My Name Is Earl)

Big News of the Week: Networks Announce Their New Schedule: For the first time in a long time I am not physically upset at a show being left off the fall schedule with Friday Night Lights, Eli Stone, Pushing Daisies and The Big Bang Theory all making room on their respective networks. Be sure to be on the lookout early next week for what I will be watching including my preseason top five of the new shows.

But before we get to fall shows, there are the summer shows to debut first. In fact I recently received a postcard from PJ of My Boys fame on her trip to Italy where she met a mystery man. I think I missed something because I was unaware she even went to Italy, the last thing I remember was her making out with her roommate. But anyways. The new season of My Boys premiere’s Thursday, June 12 at 9:30 on TBS. Also coming back that night at 9:00 is The Bill Engvall Show which I will have more on closer to that date.


Coalition Links of the Week:
BuzzSugar got the awesome opportunity to chat with the adorable Bret Harrison (a.k.a. Sam the bounty hunter for the Devil) about the future of Reaper. (BuzzSugar)

Mikey is generally pleased (if slightly underwhelmed) with this year's network upfront presentations. As for the social skills of the So You Think You Can Dance dancers, he's just kind of horrified. (Mikey Likes TV)

If only Kevin and Scotty waited one more week, they could have had a real marriage instead of just a big ol' gay commitment ceremony out there in California! Either way, it was extremely sweet and wrapped up an uneven season of Brothers & Sisters on a high note, well, at least until the whole not-incest thing between Rebecca and Justin. (Tapeworthy)

While Jace attended the upfronts this week and broke down the networks' scheduling decisions, he was more captivating with pondering just who the Final Cylon is on Battlestar Galactica and offered up his theory on who the last sleeper agent might be. (Televisionary)

Dan didn't (still hasn't, actually) get a chance to see this week's Top Chef, but you can get a chance to create your own episode through this Top Chef Mad Lib. (TiFaux)

This week, the TV Addict spent some time in New York professionally reporting on the TV Network UpFronts. Oh who are we kidding... we met 90210's Kelly Taylor! (the TV Addict)

Raoul chatted with Survivor winner Parvati. (TV Filter)


The Big Bang Theory: Maybe the funniest of their post strike episodes and really anything that has an overabundance of Sheldon and Penny scenes is alright in my book. They should really give these two there own episode, which the Sheldon is sick episode should have been as they should have skipped the unfunny Planet of the Apes subplot. Check out the latest episodes over at Innertube. You can also download or The Big Bang Theory on iTunes.


How I Met Your Mother: Please no more Britany Spears. I would almost rather the show die. In fact they should reveal her to be the mother next week and ended the show like that. Check out the latest episodes over at Innertube. You can also download How I Met Your Mother on iTunes.


My Name Is Earl: The anti-list plot was funny and got rid of Billy hopefully forever, but I feel cheated that Earl crossed “stole a chick’s leg” off his list so easily. That deserved an episode by itself. And did I miss the episode where Earl knocked over Joy’s trailer. I have been wondering when that happened for a while. Check out the latest episodes over at NBC.com. You can also download My Name Is Earl on iTunes.


Lost: Earlier this year when I compiled my list of my Favorite Characters on Television, I had left Not-Henry because the wuss they turned him into this season. But after a couple of weeks of him playing the curmudgeon in the worst buddy road trip flick ever I am ready to get him back onto that list. The flash forwards were fairly uninteresting. Jack learning Claire is (was?) his sister was one of the most anticlimactic scenes ever. We learned how everyone thinks they got off the island, but not how they actually got off the island or why they are lying or even who the two who “died” on the island were except that one wasn’t Jin. If we don’t see someone from the island not part of the Oceanic 6 in a flashforward in the finale I will be extremely disappointed. And Not-Henry or ghosts don’t count. Check out the latest episode over at ABC.com.




Promo of the Week: I can’t say I am too thrilled with the latest installment of the Indiana Jones series because old action heroes just doesn’t work and most importantly I can no longer call it my favorite trilogy of all time. Although I have a feeling in time I will ignore The Crystal Skull ever existed and still call the series my favorite trilogy. It is also not a good sign that the promo for The Sci-Fi Channel’s Mystery of the Crystal Skulls airing tomorrow, Sunday, at 9:00 looks more interesting than the movie trailer. Take a look:

(Pardon the technical difficulties, I hope to have the video uploaded soon)


Next Week’s Pick: The Big Bang Theory, Monday at 8:00 on CBS: The funniest new show since My Name Is Earl caps off its freshman season with hopefully more nerdisms. And those that didn’t catch the show yet or just want to see it again, there is also a repeat on Thursday at 8:00.

Lyrics Quiz: Grand Theft Auto

Just to show how bad things have gotten for the music industry, in one day, Grand Theft Auto IV sold more games than all but one album sold in all of 2007. Ironically, one of the things that makes the game so enjoyable is that you can just cruise around in your car listening to music. I have found myself playing the game sitting in the car waiting for the song to end before I got out of the car to get some hot coffee. This month’s quiz is dedicated to songs that can be found in a previous GTA games. As always you need to put both artist and title in the comments section (or you can e-mail me) and if you are correct I will un-bold it and give you credit. The Lyrics Quiz is for entertainment purposes only so please do not use anything besides your own meandering mind to help you up with the answers. Now onto the quiz:


1. Reaching out for something to hold, looking for a love where the climate is cold. Manic moves and drowsy dreams or living in the middle between the two extremes. (Out of Touch - Hall and Oates; guessed by Dara)
2. I am the one who would dance on the floor in a round. (Billie Jean - Michael Jackson; guessed by Angie)
3. Oh, the night is my world. City light, painted girl. (Self Control - Laura Branigan; guessed by Angie)
4. I know her love is true, but it is so damn easy making love to you. (Run to You - Bryan Adams; guessed by Angie)
5. We are young but getting old before our time. We’ll leave the TV and radio behind.
6. Heart of the city street is beating. Light from the neon’s turning dark today.
7. So you think my singing’s out of time: it makes me money. I don’t know why.
8. I said to my reflection, “Let’s get out of this place.” (Tempted - Squeeze - guessed by Dara)
9. Diary sits by the bedside table. Curtains are closed, cat’s in a cradle. ((I Just) Died in Your Arms - Cutting Crew; guessed by Angie)
10. Baby it’s all I know that you’re half the flesh and blood that makes me whole. (Broken Wings - Mr. Mister; guesed by Angie)
11. And so the conversation turned until the sun went down. And many fantasies were learned on that day. ((Keep Feelin ) Fascination - Human League; guessed by Angie)
12. Ladies love me; girls adore me I mean even the ones that never seen me like the way that I rhyme at a show. (It Takes Two - Rob Base and D.J. E-Z Rock; guessed by Angie)
13. Your bark was loud, but your bite wasn't vicious and them rhymes you were kicking were quite bootylicious.
14. Some drop science, well I’m dropping English.
15. Lovers, I know you've had a few. But hide your heart beneath the covers and tell 'em they're the only one.
16. Worried, why do I let myself worry. Wondering what in the world did I do? (Crazy - Willie Nelson; guessed by Dara)
17. I love to hear the thunder, watch the lightning when it lights up the sky. You know it makes me feel good. (I Love a Rainy Night - Eddie Rabbit; guessed by Angie)
18. Patti gave birth to a ten pound baby boy. (Young Turks - Rod Stewart; guessed by Angie)
19. Got a surprise especially for you, something that both of us have always wanted to do. We’ve waited so long. (Two Tickets to Paradise - Eddie Money; guessed by Dara)
20. After three days, in the desert fun, I was looking at a river bed and the story it told, of a river that flowed made me sad to think it was dead. (A Horse with No Name - America; guessed by Angie)
21. Never trust a big butt and a smile. (Poison - Bell Biv DeVoe; guessed by Angie)
22. From fancy cars to diamond rings, I've just about given you everything. There’s really not much I won't do for you. I bought you twelve yellow roses and candy, too. (Don't Be Cruel - Bobby Brown; guessed by Angie)
23. If you got the money, honey, we got your disease. (Welcome to the Jungle - Guns n' Roses; guessed by Angie)
24. Neon lights, Nobel Prize. When a leader speaks, that leader dies. (Cult of Personality - Living Colour; guessed by Dara)
25. Where you going with the mask I found? (Plush - Stone Temple Pilots; guessed by Angie)

I Think I Just Rusted Myself

In a measure of full discloser, I have never seen an episode of Tripping the Rift, or could even tell you what channel it is on, before checking out the aptly titled Tripping the Rift: The Movie. So this review is from that point of view and if you are a longtime fan of the show you may want to skip this review.

For those that haven’t seen the show, it wants to believe it is South Park meets Star Trek in that the characters are fowl mouthed in a setting of space. But the planets that they visit should look familiar because they are all based on pop culture. First the crew head to a black and white setting reminiscent of the old Frankenstein, followed by trips to an Indiana Jones themed planet before going low key on Hysteria Lane surround by desperate, albeit green, housewives.

The lead cartoon Chode (voiced by Office Space’s Stephen Root) is your typical purple captain who cares more about sex than, well, just about everything else combines. Which could explain the inclusion of Six (voiced by Singled Out’s Jenny McCarthy) in the crew, a sex slave cyborg. Rounding out the rest of the crew is Chode’s inept nephew Whip, T’nuk, who sounds like a combination of every lunch lady ever (prudes and females in general may not want to spell her name backwards), and the ambiguously gay robot Gus. Although they should have learned from Ace and Gary, ambiguously gay dudes are much funnier in pairs.

Also thrown in the mix for the movie is a killer robot clown from the future sent back in time to kill Chode. Yes this is an obvious Terminator reference, but instead of going into a biker bar to get cloths, it is a bar that launches plenty of Gus jokes. There are plenty of decent laughs throughout the movie that it almost makes me want to hunt down where the television show airs. Almost.

Tripping the Rift: The Movie gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.

And They Carried on Like Long Division

Much has been made of the eight and a half minute epic first single from Death Cab for Cutie, I Will Possess Your Heart and its four and a half minutes of a bass line on a constant loop before a single lyric is uttered. But ironically Narrow Stairs starts right off with the voice of Ben Gibbard. In fact Bixby Canyon Bridge sounds like it could have been an unheard track off of their last album Plans. That is until the track deconstructs around the two thirty mark into a fuzzy distortion for the last nearly singer-less three minutes. Which could explain why it takes the next track, I Will Possess Your Heart took almost as long to finally find its groove.

Aside from the extended outro and intro of the first two songs, Narrow Stairs really doesn’t deviate too far from the band’s previous sound. Sure you find some more feedback on Talking Bird and the organ bounce of You Can Do Better Than Me is reminiscent of the golden era of The Beach Boys as well as the abrupt end of Pity and Fear. While the track length ranges from under two minutes to over eight.

As the music of the band evolves, the songwriting really doesn’t deviate as Gibbard’s old stand bys of love, loss, and obsession are still preeminent. The latter of course show up in I Will Possess Your Heart (how disturbingly great is that title) which could be the best song written by a stalker since Crash into Me. The ode to California wildfires Grapevine Fires is beautiful and heartbreaking at the same time.

And no one is better at making depressing things sound gloomy like when he asks what became of a girl “in a hand-me-down wedding dress” on Cath… Then there is something funny yet sad about the girl in Your New Twin Sized Bed who downgrades from a queen because she just doesn’t need the extra space after realizing no one was going to it take up. But Gibbard saved the most lovelorn story for himself when he declares on You Can Do Better than Me that he can’t do better than her.

Song to Download - I Will Possess Your Heart

Narrow Stairs gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.

You Guys Are Dumber Than You Look

Survivor has been consistently entertaining even though it has hit a double digits number of seasons and despite it being obvious who will get voted out next as soon as the previews from the previous week’s episode. Not that the editors didn’t try to put a speck of doubt in your mind not that made the next castoff any less apparent. But those editors must have had a field day during the most recent installment Fan vs. Favorites.

In previous season we were lucky to get more than one shocking tribal council, but in this installment we had eight blindsides, two removals because of injury, one quitter, and even thought he was voted out, you had Johnny Fairplay asking to be voted for. Then you can throw in that two people got tossed while in the possession of a hidden immunity idol (Ozzy Lusth and Jason Siska), a surprised played idol by Amanda Kimmel as well as a fake idol that Eliza Orlins.

Then there was the most shocking tribal council play possibly ever and unarguable dumbest move ever in the history Survivor when ice cream scooper Erik Reichenbach inexplicably gave up his immunity necklace and promptly got voted out unanimously. I have been racking my brains these last couple days and I cannot even come up with a dumber move ever in the history of reality television in fact.

What was almost as worse is that earlier in the season, the same thing should have happened to Jason when he stupidly agree to step out of the immunity challenge if everyone promised not to vote for him. You know what else can get people to not vote for you at tribal council? Actually having the immunity necklace. The only thing that saved him was half the tribe wanted to blindside Ozzy.

Usually as good as any season is, the finale is always the most boring episode because there are so little contestants left, the stupid remember the fallen segment, the last challenge is a boring endurance one, and the final tribal councils tend to be anti-climatic. But not this one. First was the twist of a final two that no one saw coming. Granted I realized it back when James left thanks to counting out the remaining episodes. And thanks to Natalie's bizarre question about Parvati's bedroom habits, which she did not actually answer, the final tribal was almost enjoyable. Granted Ozzy ruined it with his lame melodrama. Which made me glad Parvati won just to spite him.

Survivor: Fans vs. Favorites gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.