I Want My Music Television: 10/21/13

There have been a couple of videos that have caught my eye lately so I thought I’d give them some love since the death of Musical Television left a void for a forum on the art form. If you are interested in buying the video through iTunes, click the title link (where available). If you are interested in buying the song, look for a link in the analysis.


Gorilla – Bruno Mars


I probably do not give Bruno Mars enough credit because I find the majority of his music bland and I really only have room for one animal sex song on in my library and that slot goes to Closer, but I have to take this time to thank him for casting Freda Pinto in his latest music video.


Submarines – The Lumineers


When I saw the dude drink the submarine, I could not help think of the scene in Poltergeist (or maybe one of the many sequels) where the dude drank the demon worm in the bottle of Tequila and very bad things started to happen to him. Thanks The Lumineers, now I will not be able to sleep again for days. I just got over watching that scene as a child.


If I Loved You – Delta Rae


C’mon chick from Delta Rae, you cannot just walk out on a dude after you get a puppy with him. That is just bad form.


Let Me Go - Avril Lavigne featuring Chad Kroeger


It was weird enough to hear Avril Lavigne and the dude from Nickelback got married and he was going to produce her latest album, but did they really need to record a song and creepy video together?

I Want My Music Television - 8/23/12

There have been a couple of videos that have caught my eye lately so I thought I’d give them some love since the death of Musical Television left a void for a forum on the art form. If you are interested in buying the video through iTunes, click the title link (where available). If you are interested in buying the song, look for a link in the analysis.

Trying Not to Love You – Nickleback


Big news in the Nickelback world this week: a new music video featuring George Costanza and… um, that one who who was the host of that one reality show that no one watched. In lesser news, apparently the dude from Nickleback got engaged to Avril Lavigne. The internet for some reason wondered why Lavigne would get married to the dude from Nickelback, but c’mon, he is still a step up from the dude from Sum 41.


Modern Love - Matt Nathanson


When I saw all the people put on headphones I thought great, finally someone is copying the great Cake videos for Short Skirt / Long Jacket where they have people on the street critique the new Matt Nathanson song. Sadly they just listen to the song, keeping their comments to themselves; aside from place cards what I assume is what they consider modern love. Le sigh. Instead of the Lyric Video crazy video that has been going on for a year, they should introduce songs like Short Skirt / Long Jacket did.


Watch the Corner – Dinosaur Jr.


Who would have guessed that the latest Dinosaur Jr. music video (you remember that band from the nineties that was the best grunge band that never managed to have a hit), would premiere on Funny or Die and star Tommy Gavin’s daughter


St. Croix – Family of the Year


Just in time to start reminiscing about summer, here is Family of the Year in what looks to be a remake of a lost The Beach Boys music video.

40 Worst Songs of 2008

A strange thing happened while compiling this year’s worst songs list: I actually had a hard time coming up with forty songs. Usually I can easily come up with a list off the top of my head. I am not sure if it was because there actually didn’t release as many bad songs as usual this year or if I was able to avoid them better this year. But in the end I was actually able to come up with the usual forty to signify the death of Top 40 radio. Here are the songs that made my ears bleed the last three hundred and sixty-five days. Wait, sixty-six, it was leap year. And don’t forget the extra second they are tacking onto the end of this year.

1. When I Grow Up - The Pussycat Dolls

2. Womanizer - Britney Spears

3. I Kissed a Girl - Katy Perry

4. Lollipop - Lil’ Wayne and Static Major

5. Damaged - Danity Kane

6. Higher - Heidi Montag

7. So What - P!nk

8. Outta My Head (Ay Ya Ya) - Ashlee Simpson

9. Official Girl - Cassie featuring Lil’ Wayne

10. Break the Ice - Britney Spears

11. 4 Minutes - Madonna featuring Justin Timberlake and Timbaland

12. Can't Believe It - T-Pain featuring Lil’ Wayne

13. Like Me - Girlicious

14. I'm So Paid - Akon, Lil’ Wayne, and Young Zeezy

15. In the Ayer - Flo Rida featuring will.i.am

16. Ur So Gay - Katy Perry

17. Something In Your Mouth - Nickelback

18. Single - New Kids on the Block featuring Ne-Yo

19. Spotlight - Jennifer Hudson

20. Hot N Cold - Katy Perry

21. Chopped N Skrewed - T-Pain featuring Ludacris

22. Nine In the Afternoon - Panic at the Disco

23. Handlebars - Flowbots

24. Feels Like Tonight - Daughtry

25. Got Money - Lil’ Wayne featuring T-Pain

26. Dangerous - Kardinal Offishall featuring Akon

27. Elevator - Flo Rider

28. What About Now - Daughtry

29. Circus - Britney Spears

30. One Step At a Time - Jordin Sparks

31. Summertime - New Kids on the Block

32. Over You - Daughtry

33. Love In This Club - Usher featuring Young Jeezy

34. Fly On the Wall - Miley Cyrus

35. Sorry - Buckcherry

36. Put On - Young Jeezy featuring Kanye West

37. The Time of My Life - David Cook

38. Falling Down - Scarlett Johansson

39. Pocketful of Sunshine - Natasha Bedingfield

40. Crush - David Archuleta

We Got No Class, No Taste

In two months, Barack Obama will be sworn in as the next president of the United States of America and there will be plenty of items on his plate from day one: two wars, the impending depression, Detroit imploding. One thing that should not be overlooked is NAFTA. It is hard to gauge Obama’s stance on the trade agreement as he would say it is working while campaigning in the South but here in Ohio he would say he was against it. Hopefully he was lying to the Texans because NAFTA needs a complete overhaul. Case in point: Nickelback. Think of all the goods and services that we send up to our northern neighbor over the life of NAFTA and what we get in return in a bland rock band.

The thing about Nickelback is they would have sufficed as a one hit wonder. How You Remind Me was a catchy ditty with a sing a long chorus. And the band should have quit while there were ahead because since then they have just released album after album with cheesy mid temp schlock and their attempt at heavy medal, of which they fail most of the time.

Three albums and twenty five million albums sold later, the band is back for more of the same that is so derivative of their previous songs you have to wonder if the band has some sort of Mad Libs for songwriters where they change the chord progressions and a few words and viola: a new album. It seems almost apropos that the band brought in Mutt Lange, the dude who launched Def Leppard before marrying Shania Twain to produce the album, because the band is the closest thing this generation has to a hair band making the future prom ballads and pseudo-metal even shinier than in the past.

Dark Horse starts off in true Nickelback fashion with Something in Your Mouth, that something being a, wait for it, wait for it, a thumb. If you listen closely you can hear the band snicker like sixth graders at the lamest double entendre ever. Even less subtle is S.E.X. which includes the chorus, “S is for the simple need, E is for the ecstasy.” Apparently they don’t care enough to come up with an X although it would have sufficed to stand for ecstasy. But these aren’t MENSA members we are dealing with.

The band dives deeper in to hair band territory with I’d Come for You (cue even more sixth grade snickering) which rips off even more than these five words they promised you in How You Remind Me in an almost a note for note Ad Libs type recreation of I’ll Be There for You by Bon Jovi. Nickelback even tries to recreate their one and only new idea at the end of the album when tries too hard to be Rockstar. Excuse me if I am the last to use the quasi-ironic phrase, but that is not change you can believe in.

Song to Download - Gotta Be Somebody

Dark Horse gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.

2008 Fall Music Preview

To say the summer for music was bad would be an understatement. Between Coldplay and Metallica which was released this past weekend, there were no releases to get excited about unless you were a fourteen year old girl (horary Jonas Brothers). Need more proof, check out Tapeworthy’s list of the Best Songs of the Summer. Yeah, sad (but where was I’m Yours?). And fall got a little less anticipated with the recent announcement that U2 has pushed No Line on the Horizon back to 2009. But here is a list of the albums you can plan to give to loved ones for Christmas this year (dates subject to change; click the album name for Amazon pre-order and the artist name to check out them on iTunes). If I left off your favorite artist, let me know in the comments and I will add it later:

September 16
Learn to Live - Darius Rucker
The Way I See It - Raphael Saadiq
Keep Coming Back - Marc Broussard
Gift of Screws - Lindsey Buckingham


September 23
Love, War, and the Ghost of Whitey Ford - Everlast
Big Bad World - Plain White T's
Loyalty to Loyalty - Cold War Kids
Acid Tongue - Jenny Lewis
Lenka - Lenka


September 30
Way to Normal - Ben Folds
Something Else - Robin Thicke
The Glass Passenger - Jack’s Mannequin
Covers - James Taylor


October 7
Dig out Your Soul - Oasis
OK Now - Jon McLaughlin
Break Up the Concrete - The Pretenders
Elephants - Rachael Yamagata

October 14
Multi-Dimensional Warrior - Santana
Gossip in the Grain - Ray LaMontagne
Pebble to a Pearl - Nikka Costa
Perfect Symmetry - Keane
Be OK - Ingrid Michaelson


October 20
Black Ice - AC/DC


October 28
A Hundred Million Suns - Snow Patrol
Evolver - John Legend
Come - Prince
Sir Luscious Left Foot: The Son of Chico Dusty - Big Boi
Padded Room - Joe Budden


November 4
The Renaissance - Q-Tip
Folie A Deux - Fall Out Boy
Safe Trip Home - Dido
Scream - Chris Cornell


November 11
Fearless - Taylor Swift
On My Radio - Musiq Soulchild
Soul - Seal
Under the Radar - Daniel Powter


November 18
When the World Comes Down - The All-American Rejects
Untitled - Beyoncé
Untitled - Kelly Clarkson
Untitled - Nickelback
Untitled - David Cook
(Scooter’s Note: Anyone want to bet that at least three of these Untitled albums are moved?)


November 25
Day and Age - The Killers
24 Hours - Tom Jones


December 2
The Circus - Britney Spears


December 9
Before I Self Destruct - 50 Cent


December 16
808's & Heartbreak - Kanye West


You may also expect new albums from, Michelle Branch, Rhymefest, Fabolous, Goo Goo Dolls, Eminem, R. Kelly, Franz Ferdinand, and The Fray. Being Christmas season there is your usual Greatest Hits packages from Bob Dylan, Sarah McLauglin, Christina Aguilera, Switchfoot, Celine Dion, Hilary Duff, Bette Midler, and Tim. McGraw. Then actual Christmas albums from Faith Hill, Tony Bennett, Harry Connick Jr., Elvis Pressley, Kristin Chenoweth, Chris Isaak, Al Jarreau, and The Wiggles.

Then the battle of long delayed album is heating up again between Dr. Dre and Guns ‘n’ Roses. A tie in with Detox for Dr. Dre’s own cognac is scheduled to roll out this fall but no date for that or the album. While on the Chinese Democracy front, one track will be featured on the latest Rock Band game but no set date for the whole album. But cross your fingers because if it does come out this year, Dr. Pepper will give everyone in America a free can.

25 Best Music Videos of 2007

It is really hard to complain about MTV and VH1 no longer showing videos anymore because who these days wants to wade through videos that they hand pick when you have almost every video ever made at your disposal whenever you want on sites like YouTube? And here are the best of the best of from the past twelve months. I have embedded the first couple videos, the rest you can click the link to follow to YouTube and if you are interested in buying the videos, click the iTunes links. Now I should mention some of these videos are not safe for work but really nothing on YouTube is all the safe for work because I’m sure you boss wouldn’t be thrilled even if your watching a video of a cat playing with a ball of yarn. But anyways:


1. Can't Tell Me Nothing - Kanye West



2. Trapped in the Closet Chapter 1-12 Recap - R. Kelly



3. Rockstar - Nickelback



4. Throw Some D's - Kanye West



5. Drivin’ Me Wild - Common featuring Lily Allen




6. Windows in the Skies (Modernista Version) - U2

7. Fluorescent Adolescent - Arctic Monkeys

8. Smiley Faces - Gnarls Barkley

9. 1234 - Feist

10. Halloweenhead - Ryan Adams

11. Alfie - Lily Allen

12. Conquest - The White Stripes

13. Read My Mind - The Killers

14. Hot in Herre - Jenny Owen Youngs

15. Oh My God - Mark Ronson featuring Lily Allen

16. Hang Me Up to Dry - Cold War Kids

17. Young Folks - Peter Bjorn and John featuring Victoria Bergsman

18. Stronger - Kanye West

19. Sinkin’ Soon - Norah Jones

20. What I've Done - Linkin Park

21. Ever Ever After - Carrie Underwood

22. Love Song - Sara Bareilles

23. LDN - Lily Allen

24. Sensual Seduction - Snoop Dogg

25. Long Road to Ruin - Foo Fighters