I Want My Music Television: 3/8/17

Green Light - Lorde


My first impression when listening to the new Lorde song was, good, it sounds like she is not just making Pure Heroine 2.0. But on further listening, I am beginning to realize it may be too glossy. The rawness is what made her first album great. I think we have Jack Abramoff to thank, he of Fun and also produced Out of the Woods, the most bland of Taylor Swift’s single. I am still cautiously optimistic for the new album.


That's What I Like - Bruno Mars


Bruno Mars said he wanted his new album to sound like the RnB heavy middle school dances he went to in the nineties. I did not think he quite hit his goal, except his latest video does look very nineties.


Beauty and the Beast – John Legend and Ariana Grande


Remakes are universally reviled by the internet but they keep happening because for some reason people in the real world keep seeing them. One of the worse remakes ever did not happen on the silver screen but was a musical remake: We Are the World 25. Seriously, Michael Jackson headlined the orginal. The biggest name in the remake was Lil’ Wayne. I think The Pussycat Dolls were involved too. Just a huge embarrassment. But where the eighties version featured a murders row of future first ballot Hall of Famers, in the new millennium, there just are not any superstar singers anymore. Taylor Swift. Adele. That is it. That is the list. Basically every other modern day singer would be happy to be Kim Carnes level of successful today. Now I will not call the Ariana Grande / John Legend remake as bad as the We Are the World Remake but it is weird that Ariana Grande is the best they can get to replace Celine Dion. I guess Legend is an upgrade for Peabo Bryson. But I fear the Sean Mendez version of Circle of Life for the upcoming Lion King Remake.


No Lives Matter - Body Count


Nothing more annoying when both sides of the political divide fight over stupid thing (case in point: who the fork cares where people go to the bathroom). Now police violence against unarmed black man is important, but the fighting over the “(insert subsection here) lives matter” got way out of control. Leave it to Ice-T, (you know, the guy from the lemonade television commercial) and No Lives Matter - Body Count to tell it like it is, that in actuality, No Lives Matter.

I Want My Music Television: 6/3/14

There have been a couple of videos that have caught my eye lately so I thought I’d give them some love since the death of Musical Television left a void for a forum on the art form. If you are interested in buying the video through iTunes, click the title link (where available). If you are interested in buying the song, look for a link in the analysis.

Problem – Ariana Grande featuring Iggy Azalea


When I first saw Ariana Grande, I thought it was a Rebecca Black situation. Not that she was horrible, The Way was pleasurable in a guilty kind of way, but the video looked like mommy and daddy put their 401K into it while Ariana had a creepy dead behind the eyes stare to her and just looked uncomfortable the whole time. It turned out Grande is a real thing, and apparently a kiddie television star despite looking like she had never been in front of a camera for The Way. With her next hit Problem instantly going to number one, she is apparently turning out to be the next big thing. Yeah the new song is also moderately catchy (though I could have done without the rap, sure the Fancy video is kinda of awesome but can we please keep Iggy Azalea from becoming a thing please) still her visuals are uncomfortable. For the music video, she broke out the same awkward middle school talent show routine that was met with a resounding, “Huh?!?” from Blake Shelton and Luke Bryan at whatever award show that was. I know the modern pop star has to front and center in everything they do, but Ariana should really consider pulling a Pearl Jam and just stop making music videos for a while, or at the very least do what George Michael did and just fill your video with supermodels.


Talk (Expletive Deleted), Get Shot – Body Count


People have been throwing dirt on rock as a genre for a while now (myself included) but The Black Keys and Jack White have been putting out great music (even if they will not admit it about the other act) and racking up awards, just last week Coldplay had the biggest album debut of the year. So rock may be on life support, but it still has a pulse. Now heavy metal, that genre has been dead for a while now. Seriously, when was the last time you heard a good heavy metal song? There is probably why you rarely see any act from the past decade or two on That Metal Show. So when Ice-T debuted the new Body Count song on his Final Level Podcast (which comes highly recommended from me), I figured that I would listen to about thirty seconds and then fast forward to Ice talking Dungeons and Dragons again. Except the song actually turned out to be legitimately good. And I not just saying that because I fear the title may come to fruition if I did not like it. And the music video is just as entertaining as a more violet version of the plotline of Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back. (Fun fact: the I got the (Expletive Deleted) idea from this movie).


Simplethings – Miguel


There comes a time in every singer’s career when it is time to roll around on the beach with an absurdly attractive model in black and white. Everyone can thank Chris Isaak for that. So why is Miguel ending the music video right where should be starting. Is he saving that for his own personal collection?


Bridges - Broods


It seems like every month this year I am posting a new video for Bridges. The last one was the “international version” and this is apparently the “American version.” And much like Lorde’s Royals which the US version has 500% more Lorde, the US version of Bridges actually features Broods frolicking in what looks to be a clothing advertisement geared at teenage girls. Sadly that is how you sell new artists stateside.

The 100 Greatest Songs from the Golden Age of Hip-Hop

1. Fight the Power - Public Enemy

2. Mama Said Knock You Out - LL Cool J

3. My Mind Playin Tricks On Me - Geto Boys

4. Award Tour - A Tribe Called Quest

5. Passin' Me By - The Pharcyde

6. Nuthin' but a G Thang - Dr. Dre featuring Snoop Doggy Dogg

7. Mass Appeal - Gang Starr

8. Crossover - EPMD

9. The Choice Is Yours - Black Sheep

10. Sometimes I Rhyme Slow - Nice and Smooth

11. Regulate - Warren G and Nate Dogg

12. Children's Story - Slick Rick

13. Express Yourself - N.W.A.

14. If I Ruled the World (Imagine That) - Nas featuring Lauryn Hill

15. Paul Revere - Beastie Boys

16. They Reminisce Over You (T.R.O.Y.) - Pete Rock & CL Smooth

17. New Jack Hustler (Nino's Theme) - Ice-T

18. Insane In the Brain - Cypress Hill

19. Summertime - DJ Jazzy Jeff & the Fresh Prince

20. It Takes Two - Rob Base and DJ E-Z Rock

21. Gangsta's Paradise - Coolio featuring L.V.

22. Gin and Juice - Snoop Dogg

23. La Di Da Di (Live) - Doug E Fresh and Slick Rick

24. Scenario - A Tribe Called Quest featuring Leaders of the New School

25. Down With the King - Run-D.M.C. featuring Pete Rock and CL Smooth

26. Paid In Full - Eric B. and Rakim

27. Drop - The Pharcyde

28. Jump Around - House of Pain

29. Slam - Onyx

30. Peter Piper - Run-D.M.C.

31. C.R.E.A.M. - Wu-Tang Clan

32. Big Poppa - The Notorious B.I.G.

33. They Want EFX - Das EFX

34. Wu-Tang Clan Ain't Nuthing ta F' Wit - Wu-Tang Clan

35. Around the Way Girl - LL Cool J

36. It Was a Good Day - Ice Cube

37. Straight Outta Compton - N.W.A.

38. King of Rock - Run-D.M.C.

39. Follow the Leader - Eric B. & Rakim

40. Bring the Noise - Public Enemy

41. Getto Jam - Domino

42. California Love - 2Pac and Dr. Dre

43. No Sleep Till Brooklyn - Beastie Boys

44. Now That We Found Love - Heavy D and the Boyz

45. Bonita Applebum - A Tribe Called Quest

46. Runnin' - The Pharcyde

47. I Know You Got Soul - Eric B. & Rakim

48. Hip Hop Hooray - Naughty By Nature

49. Hey Ladies - Beastie Boys

50. I'll Be There for You / You're All I Need to Get By - Method Man featuring Mary J. Blige

51. Pop Goes the Weasel - 3rd Bass

52. Shake Your Rump - Beastie Boys

53. Check Yo Self ('The Message' Remix) - Ice Cube featuring Das Efx

54. Damn It Feels Good To Be A Gangsta - Geto Boys

55. Mistadobalina - Del tha Funkee Homosapien

56. Just a Friend - Biz Markie

57. Funky For You - Nice and Smooth

58. Loungin' - Guru Featuring Donald Byrd

59. Case Of The P.T.A. - Leaders of the New School

60. So What'cha Want - Beastie Boys

61. I Used to Love H.E.R. - Common Sense

62. Bring the Pain - Method Man

63. Eric B. Is President - Eric B. and Rakim

64. Let Me Clear My Throat (Old School Reunion Remix '96) - DJ Kool, Biz Markie and Doug E. Fresh

65. It's Tricky - Run-D.M.C.

66. I Get Around - 2Pac featuring Digital Underground

67. I Left My Wallet In El Segundo - A Tribe Called Quest

68. Dwyck - Gang Starr Featuring Nice and Smooth

69. Fight for Your Right - Beastie Boys

70. The Symphony - Marley Marl Master Ace, Craig G, Kool G Rap and Big Daddy Kane

71. The Gas Face - 3rd Bass

72. Wild Wild West - Kool Moe Dee

73. South Bronx - Boogie Down Productions

74. Electric Relaxation - A Tribe Called Quest

75. Me, Myself and I - De La Soul

76. Because I Got It Like That - Jungle Brothers

77. Wild Thing - Tone-Loc

78. Method Man - Wu-Tang Clan

79. Potholes in My Lawn - De La Soul

80. Check the Rhime - A Tribe Called Quest

81. You Had Too Much To Drink - EPMD

82. Same Song - Digital Underground and 2Pac

83. Vapors - Biz Markie

84. Juicy - The Notorious B.I.G.

85. Going Back to Cali - LL Cool J

86. Ain't No Half-Steppin' - Big Daddy Kane

87. 911 Is a Joke - Public Enemy

88. I Wish - Skee-Lo

89. Fallín' - De La Soul and Teenage Fanclub

90. My Hooptie - Sir Mix-A-Lot

91. B Girls - Young and Restless

92. Sweet Potatoe Pie - Domino

93. Pass the Mic - Beastie Boys

94. Woo Hah!! Got You All In Check - Busta Rhymes and Rampage

95. How I Could Just Kill a Man - Cypress Hill

96. Shamrocks and Shenanigans - House of Pain

97. Nuttin' But Love - Heavy D and the Boyz

98. (Explative Deleted) Wit Dre Day (And Everybody's Celebratin') - Dr. Dre featuring Snoop Doggy Dogg

99. Wicked - Ice Cube

100. Give the People - EPMD

Honorable Mention: Christmas In Hollis – Run-D.M.C.


For more on this list, check out Breaking Down the 100 Greatest Songs from the Golden Age of Hip-Hop.

Best of the Week - 4/21/12

Quote of the Week: You’re a grimy little pimp. (Lane, Mad Men)

Song of the Week: Hello – Lionel Richie (Don't Trust the B---- in Apartment 23)

Scene of the Week:



Big News of the Week: A Melancholy Happy Trails to Dick Clark: American Bandstand was a bit before my time but like anyone born in the past fifty years, New Years Eve was not New Years Eve without Dick Clarke counting down the ball. Even after his stroke I still had to check in with him because there was no one better to ring in the New Year with. This year would have been Dick’s fortieth anniversary of Rocking Eve special and it will not be the same without him.

Preview Picture of the Week:

Susan Sarandon on The Big C Tomorrow  

Free Download of the Week: Live to Rise – Soundgarden (iTunes): The grunge gods have recorded their first new song in over fifteen years and you can get it for the low, low price of free.

Deal of the Week: R&B Classics for $3.99: Amazon MP3 has some R&B classics for only $3.99 including The Temptations, Marvin Gaye, Al Green and Lionel Richie.




New Album Release of the Week: Blunderbuss - Jack White

New DVD Release of the Week: The Innkeepers

Video of the Week: A documentary on the history of rap directed by Ice-T? Yes please. Hopefully this is just part one of a hundred. Actually, was is this not a series on VH1 Classic like the recent great Metal Evolution?


Something From Nothing: The Art of Rap Official Trailer


Next Week Pick of the Week: NFL Draft, Thursday at 8:00, Friday at 7:00, and Saturday at Noon on ESPN: For fans of preferential bottom feeders like myself, the NFL Draft is our Super Bowl, three days where hope springs eternal where hopefully our horrible players are replaced by better ones. And with the Browns having thirteen picks and three in the top thirty-seven and with plenty of holes needing to be filled, there will plenty for me to pay attention to this year.

Previewing The Peacemaker: L.A. Gang Wars

Ice-T is the original O.G., or dare I say, the O.O.G.. He went from singing Cop Killer to playing one for over a decade. Then in his spare time he films reality shows like Ice-T presents Rap School (which really needs another season). He returns to reality television Thursday at 10:00 on A&E as producer of The Peacemaker: L.A. Gangs. Ice-T isn’t the titular character, or even shows up in front of the camera, but contributed the theme song (not the obvious Colors, but a new song) and serves as the executive producer).

Instead of Ice-T, The Peacemaker follows gang mediator Malik Spellman who is on a mission to bring peace to the neighborhood he has called home for over three decades, a vow he made after getting out of prison himself. Armed with only words, Malik tries to get mediate peace between various gangs in Los Angeles. In the first episode, after the murder of a pregnant woman, Malik gets in-between two neighboring Crips gangs to avoid retaliation and escalation and it is a race against time as Malik tries to get the gang heads face to face before that happens.

The tension in the show is real and you can cut it with a knife through your television screen. You know the situation is getting bad when Spellman puts on his bulletproof vest as soon as he steps out his car before going into a gang members territory. And the story hits an emotional high when someone else, who we met moments earlier, gets shot in the first episode before Spellman can even get the two gangs in the same vicinity. The Peacemaker: L.A. Gangs may be the more real reality show currently on television.

Also in the first season Spellman attempts to mediate a truce between opposing gangs that are run by brothers from the same biological family. And in Imperial Courts, the largest housing project west of the Mississippi, Spellman works to calm tensions after gunplay erupts over a game of dice.

The Peacemaker: L.A. Gang Wars airs Thursdays at 10:00 on A&E. Check out a preview of the show below:

Musings From the Back 9: VH1 Reality Albums Edition

Earlier this summer, MTV had two of its reality stars release albums in the same week (see Jamie Kennedy and Cheyenne Kimball) and now MTV for old people, VH1 tries to outdo it with the release of three albums by its reality stars in a two week period. And let’s face it, Vh1 shows some of the guiltiest of the guilty pleasures. The channel started its reality empire when it fleeced The Surreal Life from the now defunct WB in its third season. That was the season that brought us the very first reality show for the greatest hype man in the business, Flavor Flav, who would later go on to star in two spin-offs, Strange Love and Flavor of Love, whose two finales garnered VH1 its two highest ratings in the channel’s history.

And I was one of the seven million that say New York get rejected not once, but twice. The main reason why I sat there week in and week out was because I am a long time fan of Public Enemy and will support the group no matter how trashy the venue is. Okay so the main reason I watched Flavor of Love was I find woman degrading themselves just to get on television entertaining and will stoop so low to hook up with a midget, crack-head on the wrong side of forty just to get screen time. But anyways.

To coincide with the finale of his show, the former William Drayton has released his first solo album that has been in the works for a while. The problem though with a Flavor Flav solo album is that he as his best as the hype man and not the center of attention and just making an occasional comment to Chuck D’s political words. Yeah 911 Is a Joke is a classic, but do you really want to hear a whole album full of those types of song? Listening to Flavor Flav answers that question with a no. The bright spot on the album is the production which Flav does most of as well as play most of the instrumentation himself (young Drayton was a trained classical pianist). But really the only song of any interest would be for those that have wanted to get the Flavor of Love theme song that shows up on the album as Flavor-Man.

New to the reality game is Ice-T who has been biding his time in recent years on the set of one of the Law & Order shows. But he got recruited by VH1 to turn eight middle schoolers at a prep school into a rap group. The show is surprisingly heartfelt and okay for the whole family with the Iceman actually doing a good job teaching the kids. But don’t bring the kids to listen to his latest album Gangsta Rap that definitely lives up to the title. The album is the first by Ice-T in seven years and still sounds like vintage Ice which is not necessarily a good thing. I’m sure if I was still a youngster who memorized every gangsta rap album I could get my hands on, this album would be right up my album. Unfortunately I have matured in my old age so nothing really strikes me on the album. And Ice replaces he usual tracks about various women with one about his wife Coco (whose appearance on the cover has gotten the album banned in a few stores) which show a softer side of the man that we haven’t hear on an album yet. But for any of you that love the watered down rap that finds its way to the radio, you may want to check out the album to here what real gangsta rap sounds like.

Then in a completely different musical direct there is the debut album from Brooke Hogan better known as Hulk’s daughter. The Hulkster has been quite open about the reason he signed up for a reality show and that was to advance his daughter’s music career using the VH1 connection to get tickets to various award shows. It eventually paid off when Brooke was the first artist signed to producer Scott Storch’s record label. Storch was also responsible for the production on Hogan’d debut Undiscovered. The album is filled with your token R&B songs over rap beats that oversaturated the market two years ago. And I don’t think it’s a coincidence that the voice that appears on this album sounds suspiciously like the one that appears on Paris Hilton’s album considering Storch was involved in both projects. This begs the question who’s voice is it, Brooke’s or Paris’, or could it be a third singer all, together? Either way, I smell something fishy and that fish looks strikingly like Milli Vanilli.

Flavor Flav gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.

Gangsta Rap gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.

Undiscovered gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.

First Impressions: Ice T's Rap School

Back in 2003, in a time when Jack Black was still funny, he made a movie called School of Rock where Black played a long term substitute teacher at a private school who taught his class how to rock so he could enter a battle of the bands. This then spun off a reality show where Gene Simmons of Kiss did basically the same thing, but with the private school’s approval that naturally appeared on VH1. VH1 is now taking the same concept but with rap and the original gangsta himself, Ice-T as the educator in the appropriately titled Ice-T’s Rap School. Iceberg now has a couple weeks to school the Middle Schoolers in all that is hip-hop before the final exam which is opening up for Public Enemy. Of course it’s Public Enemy because VH1 much fill their minimum requirement to feature Favor Flav on their channel.

But the stars of the show are the students that have no clue how to rap and weren’t even born when Ice recorded New Jack Hustler. The standout is Sophia who complained after Ice announced they were taking a field trip to the South Bronx that she would be shot, murdered, and raped. Then later she endured herself less to Ice when she said that sunglasses he handpicked for her to were “Ghetto.” If Sophia moved out to the west coast in two or three years she could easily be the new star of Laguna Beach. Then there is Dodge who wears pinstripe suits over his prep school uniform and listens to old school music. And by old school I’m not referring to Ice-T, no even older like stuff from the forties.

The cast is rounded out by a student with a stutter, your token kid with a bad case of attention deficit disorder, the stock market playing kid, the uber-shy fat chick, the poor girl who attends the school on scholarship, and another token mean girl that is Sophia’s running mate. The very British headmaster may be showing up quite often as Ice got called to the principal’s office in his first week complaining that he was dressing the kids up like little gangstas. Apparently Mr. Headmaster didn’t do his homework before letting Ice-T supervise his students. Not to mention I don’t think Ice is Highly Qualified under the No Child Behind Act.

Verdict: For a guy who made his living on very aggressive lyrics, Ice surprising is very good around the kids (maybe it’s all those years seeing the bad side of adults and how they treat children with his tenure on Law and Order). Ice-T’s Rap School is a show that is actually something for the whole family, which is rare on television these days. New episodes of Ice-T’s Rap School airs Fridays at 9:00 on VH1 (of course the episodes will be repeated constantly) and you can check out deleted and extended scenes on VH1’s broadband channel VSPOT.

We on Award Tour: 2006 Hip-Hop Honors

In a story I broke yesterday, VH1’s Hip-Hop Honors were last night and for three straight years it failed to disappointed putting the yearly event right up there with the Grammy’s and the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame induction ceremony. Oddly enough for a show that celebrates hip-hop, the show started off with a bunch of people. But the Law and Order skit was hilarious with Ice-T’s cast members from SVU talking about there favorite honorees and T showing up late to ceremony only to be replaced by Mike B. Keep in mind Mike B could just be your next president. (See the end of the post for the video of the skit) As for the show, VH1 were really smart making ?uestlove of The Roots the musical director and should bring him in every year. Here are some thoughts on this year’s honorees and performances:

- The Beastie Boys kick thing off and surprisingly Tracy Morgan was actually funny intriguing them. Q-Tip, the recently bullet-ridden Fabolous, and Diddy come up in full B-Boy get up and spit probably the most recognizable Beastie verse with the start of Paul Revere but not surprisingly they cut off the song before they got to the part about the whiffle ball bat. Then the Beastie themselves came out to a rousing version of So Whatchcha Want, even switching the beat to the one from Fabolous’ Breathe.

- Now I’ve long held onto the belief that chicks shouldn’t rap, but I have to admit if I were to make a mix tape that represents 1996 for me MC Lyte’s Cold Rock a Party would be on it because no party during that summer didn’t feel right if it didn’t feature that song.

- Whenever you see a list of the greatest MC’s you will most likely see Biggie or 2-Pac, but whenever you see a list that is complied by rappers themselves, it would be Rakim that would be on top. Naturally one of the best lyricists of today, Common came out to introduce him. The tribute featuring Black Thought and Talib Kweli. Really there is no better way to start off a house party that something that features the bassline from Paid in Full. And hopefully the long delayed Rakim album comes out soon because the new track was tight especially with the Roots backing him. The horns were off the hook.

- When I first got into N.W.A. it was around the album that I can’t reprint here because my censors won’t allow it. But this was right after Ice Cube left the group and like many rap feuds back then you had to pick your side, do for years I refused to listen to Cube until he did that song with Dr. Dre. The dude from Pimp My Ride did a good job at Check Yo Self. Who knew he would rap?

- Russell Simmons gets the only non- music induction this year deservedly. Hip-Hop doesn’t reach the masses if it weren’t for Def Jam. But where was the love for his running mate at the label Rick Rubin? Nice mix of songs played during his tribute.

- With Eazy-E and Ice Cube being honored kind of makes you wonder why not honor N.W.A. as a whole? No surprise my favorite Eazy-E song, Gimmie Dat Nutt doesn’t make the tribute. Oh well. But my homies from just a couple miles north of me, Bone Thugs-n-Harmony crawled out of obscurity to perform their tribute song The Crossroads.

- I never got into the theatrics of Afrika Bambaataa but it’s nice to see him get his due and it seemed natural that Outkast introduced his tribute with George Clinton and Bootsy Collins participating. Odd that was the only honoree in the history of the show that didn’t perform.

- If there is one thing that I have learned in my life is that Wu-Tang Clan is nothing to (expletive deleted) with. Nice to see the Clan reunite on stage with all the members showing up (sans Ol’ Dirty Bastard, R.I.P.). I remember seeing the troupe perform back in 1998 when they toured with Rage Against the Machine. Granted they were a half an hour late to the venue. And when they arrived the spent time playing basketball backstage before actually coming out minus three members. And when they did they only gave a twenty minute set because they had to get off stage so Rage could do their set before curfew. So it was great to see them perform C.R.E.A.M. and Triumph with Method Man actually jumping into the crowd to spit his verse.

Looking forward to next year, here are my suggestions to honor next year: A Tribe Called Quest, Nas, EPMD, N.W.A., Leaders of the New School, and Slick Rick (feel free to share who you think should be honored and be sure to scroll down to check out my lyrics quiz to see if you can answer any that are left). You can watch performances from the show at VSPOT and I'm sure VH1 will repeat throught the next couple weeks.

Goodnight Michelle

Yesterday didn’t see the arrival of not one album that is the product of an MTV reality show, but two. But unlike yesterdays other release Cheyenne which is repeated ad nauseam, Blowin’ Up rarely gets a repeat so I really haven’t caught much because I really don’t know when the first run episodes show. From what I have seen, the show is hit and miss with Jamie Kennedy playing the slightly mentally retarded one and his sidekick Stu Stone as an overanxious wannabe.

But after seeing the video for Rollin’ w/ Saget, I had high expectations thinking the duo could become the twenty-first century “Weird Al” Yankovic. Unfortunately for half the album, it sounds like they are actually trying to be legit. But the beats are second rate making them sound like Brian Austin Green (who they ironically shout-out during the album). They even were able to corral actual rappers to donate verses like Kardinal Offishal. E-40 recreates (along with Jason Biggs) his Jamie Kennedy diss track and straight off is appearance on the Brooke Hogan song, Paul Wall shows up on Mattress Mack. This begs the question what is Paul Wall’s sadder guest appearance. But I do have to give it up to Stu for throwing the line, “Homeruns in H-Town like my name was Berkman” into that song. Luckily Ice-T doesn’t degrade himself bye rapping on a track but just shows up to show his support for Kennedy, but his wife Coco steals the track by giving Stu some love.

As for the songs that I think that were supposed to be funny, they rarely warrant a chuckle. 1984 may have been funnier had Bowling for Soup hadn’t lampooned the seminal time period two years ago. The token diss track Knuckle Up is upstaged by the previous skit where Kennedy is hesitant about dissing Ashton Kutcher and Colin Ferrell. Celebrity Stalker is slightly funnier where the boys hit on ckicks that normal dudes would pass up, “My favorite show to (expletive deleted) to? Gotta be The Facts of Life. (Expletive deleted) Lindsay Lohan, give me Mindy Cohn.” But the song does have very little replay value. Then there is Bologna, and the previous Blaine’s Story Skit, which should have gay right groups up in arms. Not that it makes fun of them, instead just on the principal that it is one of the dumbest songs ever recorded.

But the crown jewel of the album, and the only song worth listening to again is Rollin’ w/ Saget. After hearing the rest of the album, it’s clear that it is Danny Tanner himself that is the comical genius behind the song as there are very few bits more hilarious then hearing him say, “I got a (expletive deleted) like a donkey, (expletive deleted) as a rock and a trigger finger itchier than chicken pox.” We did indeed witnessed the strength of Bob Saget and you got to love the N.W.A. reference to intro Saget. Before the song there’s even a bit with Saget calling Kennedy’s voice mail suggesting they go out and date someone’s daughters. Although it’s a crime that iTunes wants a full ninty-nine cents for twenty-two seconds (for those keeping track at home, that’s four and a half pennies per second).

Song to Download - Rollin’ w/ Saget

Blowin’ Up gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.

Broken Glass Everywhere

As a young white kid growing up in the suburbs, I listen to nothing but hip-hop throughout the Middle School years. My love of the genre has died down as I have grown mostly due to the blandness rap has gotten with it endless talk of bling over the same bland beats. I was ecstatic last year when VH1 started up their Hip-Hop Honors awards giving props to the innovators and reminding me of a time when rap was truly king. Last year honored some of my favorites such as Run-DMC, Public Enemy, and KRS-One. This years festivities did a better job of focusing on the inductees with only one performance of a song not made famous by an inductee whereas last year there was about three or four. Other highlights included:

- LL Cool J was the first inductee. I have always been on the fence about him as he was the guy who brought love songs into the culture. Buy on the other hand, Mama Said Knock You Out is a top 5 rap song of all time. LL is paid tribute by Nelly and Ciara, the black Britney (can’t sing, moderately attractive but shows a lot of skin). But how much of a tribute can it be when both need guided vocals to sing the songs.

- Next up is one of the mainstays of my Middle School years, Ice-T. To this day I can recite both the clean and dirty versions of New Jack Hustler. Ice-T is joined on stage by the only other gangsta rapper who has somehow crept into the mainstream Snoop Dogg. Had anyone guess back in '92 that one would be on the most successful TV show franchise and the other would be doing commercials with Lee Iacocca, you would have been accuse of dipping into one of their stashes.

- Many point to Rapper’s Delight as the start of rap, but The Message by Grandmaster Flash and the Furious 5 is where hip-hop started. I did find it odd that during there performance of the song the threw in a line from Matthew Wilder’s Break My Stride just like Diddy did back when he was Puff Daddy when he sampled The Message for Can’t Nobody Hold Me Down. What was stranger was Morbidly Obese Joe inclusion in the whole thing.

- Salt-N-Pepa are next with a hyped performance with En Vouge as the first time they performed together. Am I mistaken or didn’t they perform the Whatta Man during one of the Video Music Awards. Can someone give me confirmation for this? Then during the perfomce the for some reason threw up pictures of Barack Obama, Nelson Mandela, Ray Charles and I swear I saw Dave Chappelle too. Um, okay.

- I’ll go ahead and admit it, I’ve never seen Boyz 'N the Hood.

- Who invited the dude from Entourage? Was he there just to fill the token white person quota? Wasn’t Ice-T’s wife enough?

- Kanye West comes out and give the most entertaing performance of the night. I don’t say that because of anything he did but that there was some old fat white dude in the second row that had an Art Garfunkel receding afro that had me cracking up thought the whole thing.

- The midget Jermaine Dupree comes out with charms on his watch. No wonder why anyone with credibility makes fun of the dude.

- The induction of Big Daddy Kane is next and the dude can still move. He gets a tribute from Biz Markie on the turntable, T.I. (or Antoine Merriwether as I like to call him), Black Thought of The Roots, and Common sporting a “I Love Black People” t-shirt which seems to be in response to his boss’ “George Bus hates black people” remark.

- Diddy is up last to induct his friend/meal ticket and mentioned Biggie duets album. I have a feeling I’ll pass on that. The finale with Kanye, Ludacris, and Lil’Cease wasn’t as cool as the VMA tribute, but the choir was a nice touch.

If I were on the selection committee for Hip-Hop Honors, here is who I would nominate for the 2006 class (feel free to add anyone you would nominate in the comment section):

A Tribe Called Quest
Beastie Boys
Eric B. & Rakim
N.W.A.
Slick Rick