The Five Most (and Least) Anticipated New Shows of Fall 2013

A surprising thing happened this week, most every show I watch got renewed. The only shows that got the ax that I watched every episode of were Deception, Happy Endings, Last Resort, and Go On (Hannibal still hangs in the balance which may not a very good sign). And really the latter of the three was the only one I will be sad to go (maybe TBS will pick it up to make a post-Friends hour with Cougar Town). So I really am not looking forward to adding many new shows, but here are a few that piqued my interest as the most promising shows of the upcoming season

1. Marvel’s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (Tuesdays at 8:00 on ABC) – I am not sure if airing the most buzzed about new show of the fall against the most watched show on television. Sure ninety percent of the NCIS audience is in nursing homes and S.H.I.E.L.D. looks to attract a much more younger and hip audience so even with the stiff competition it should debut big. But will people stick around after they realize Robert Downey Jr., Samuel Jackson, Scarlette Johansson, Mark Ruffalo (in human or CGI form) or even Chris Evans probably will never even make a cameo on the show. All you will get is the reanimated corpses of Phil Coulson (and I am guessing maybe Maria Hill if there is a second season when How I Met Your Mother is no longer on the air). But Joss Whedon has already made three extremely entertaining television shows and if this is show is anything like the Item 47 short (which I assume it is), it should be entertaining in its own right even without any superheroes flying around.


2. The Blacklist (Mondays at 10:00 on NBC) – For the last two season, all the networks have been greenlighting a bunch of shows that look like they would be better as a movie than a twenty-two episode season, and most of them do not even make it to its fourteenth episode let alone its twenty-second. The Blacklist is another in that phylum, but two things make it more palatable than its predecessors. It looks like they will be crossing one person off “the blacklist” every episode making it very procedural. It also has the benefit of airing after The Voice which means it will likely make it to a second season before it is sent off to die on Wednesdays in the fall of 2014 (sorry Revolution, have fun being burned off on Saturdays by Thanksgiving). Though I am not sure what to think of James Spader slowly morphing into a combination of Corbin Bersen and Hunter S. Thompson.


3. The Michael J. Fox Show (Thursdays at 9:30 on NBC) – I may have been the only person who enjoyed Matthew Perry’s dead wife show so I am not sure if there will be an audience for Michael J. Fox’s Parkinson’s show, but I have to admit I laughed pretty hard at his daughter exploited class video presentation.


4. The Millers (Thursdays at 8:30) – There is probably no one happier at the Arrested Development reboot than Will Arnett because he has not been funny since the show went off the air. So maybe things will be turning around for Arnett. He is headlining the new show from Greg Garcia (My Name is Earl) except it is a multi-camera laugh track comedy. It also stars Mags Bennett as his mom. But it is Mags Bennett doing comedy. This show can go either way.


5. Back in the Game (Wednesdays at 9:30 on ABC) – I have always like Maggie Lawson but she always cast in crappy one and done sitcoms (anyone remember Inside Schwartz, It’s All Relative, or Crumbs?). I got excited when she showed up on Justified only to be show dead by Raylan. Hopefully her new show breaks the curse even if it sounds a lot like the recently canceled How to Live With Your Parents (For the Rest of Your Life). But this could work if they go full on Bad News Bears and not the watered down television sitcom version I fear it may be. Then again, the trailer opens with Lawson saying, “See you on the field, Dick,” so there is hope.


As the great philosopher Butt-Head once pondered, “If it weren’t for things that sucked, how would we know if something was awesome,” here are the least anticipated shows of the season (click on their names to check out their trailers).

1. Mixology (Midseason ABC) – An entire season takes place at one bar over one night? Wow, this sounds like the dumbest premise ever. Even at midseason with about twelve episodes, that is still six hours at the same bar. Did no one actually think this out?

2. Ironside (Wednesdays at 10:00 on NBC) – It is not a good sign that my only take away from the trailer of this show is that the chick from Greek may overtake Rachel Leigh Cook on Perception as the most unrealistic law enforcement agent currently on television. It is so absurd I may watch all four episodes it airs before being cancels just to see her try to act like a cop.

3. Killer Woman (Midseason ABC) – I got a good laugh at “executive produced by Sofia Vergara”. Sadly this is not a comedy. And Canadian Trisha Helfer as a Texas Ranger may rival Spencer Grammer for the title of most unrealistic law enforcement agent currently on television.

4. Mom (Mondays at 9:30 on CBS), Dads (Tuesday at 8:00 on Fox) – Chuck Lorre and Seth McFarlane are two of the least funny people on television, yet CBS and Fox keep giving them more and more shows. Even worse, America keeps watching them.

5. Dracula (Fridays at 10:00 on NBC), Sleepy Hollow (Mondays at 9:00 on Fox), and Once Upon a Time in Wonderland (Thursdays at 8:00 on ABC) – After the success of Once Upon a Time and Grimm, it was only a matter of time before we got a bunch of famous retellings. Now we get three including a Once Upon a Time spin-off and they all look dreadful.


Of course the most fun part of the schedule release is guessing which shows will be canceled first and here are the five most likely candidates.

1. We Are Men (CBS)
2. Lucky 7 (ABC)
3. Sean Saves the World (NBC)
4. Betrayal (ABC)
5. Hostages (CBS)


And here is what I will be watching next far including the new shows in italics that I will at least check out once or twice.

Mondays
8:00 – How I Met Your Mother (CBS)
8:00 – The Voice (NBC) (assuming it does not become the country and RnB show this season became)
9:00 – 2 Broke Girls (CBS)
10:00 – Castle (ABC)
10:00 – The Blacklist (NBC)

Tuesdays
8:00 – Marvel’s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (ABC)
9:00 - The Goldbergs (ABC)
9:00 – The Voice (NBC)

Wednesdays
8:00 - Survivor (CBS)
8:00 – The Middle (ABC)
8:30 – Back in the Game (ABC)
9:00 – Modern Family (ABC)
9:30 – Super Fun Night (ABC)
10:00 – Nashville (ABC)

Thursdays
8:00 – The Big Bang Theory (CBS)
8:30 – The Millers (CBS)
8:00 – Once Upon a Time in Wonderland (ABC)
9:30 – The Michael J. Fox Show (NBC)
10:00 – Parenthood (NBC)

Fridays
8:00 – Last Man Standing (ABC)
8:30 – The Neighbors (ABC)
9:00 – Grimm (NBC)

Sundays
8:00 – Once Upon a Time (ABC)
9:00 - Homeland (Showtime)
9:00 – Revenge (ABC)
10:00 - Masters of Sex (Showtime)
10:00 – Betrayal (ABC)

57 Channels and Only This Is On: 5/5/13

Once Upon a Time: Wait, I thought Maleficent was dead. Didn’t Emma slay her in dragon form? Ugg, This show is getting annoying.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Once Upon a Time on iTunes.

Mad Men: Last week I was convinced Matthew Weiner was just messing with us with the glimpse and you missed it cameo from Jefferson D’Arcy. So of course this week featured Harry Hamlin with just one line. Of course it did. Screw you Matthew Weiner. But all the toying with the audience was worth it just for the Ethan Rom pitch for insurance. I am pretty sure Bobby is aging backwards.
You can download Mad Men on iTunes.

Vikings: Who knew there tribes of Amazonian women in Scandinavia? And those I feel bad for the son having to see his father make babies with someone other than his mother, but I hate break it to the kid, but the jump off is a lot more attractive than the Mrs.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Vikings on iTunes

The Voice: I will be releasing my latest Power Ranking tomorrow just in time for the start of the Live Playoffs (here is a preview: there is a new number one), but one thing I want to mention that did not quite fit in the post is how I missed the backstage shots of the other contestants waiting to be chosen. My favorite moment of the Knockout Round last season was when Caitlin Michele was signing along with Nicholas David.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu.

How I Met Your Mother: Near the end of the episode I was thinking that this was one of the better episodes in recent memory, Ralph Macchio (who has not aged a day) a stripper, a creepy clown, and a completely evil plan; it was severely disappointing that they were not able to bring in Billy Zabka. Not thirty seconds after I said that, Barney says the same thing and Billy starts wiping off his clown makeup. Well done How I Met Your Mother.
You can stream recent episodes over at CBS.com. You can also download How I Met Your Mother on iTunes.

Castle: Well that was a silly excuse for a clips show. But I wonder why that was not the 100th episode, seems more like a place for a clip show, not the 102nd.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Castle on iTunes.

Survivor: Caramoan: Oh Andrea, I love you, I thought you should have won this season because you were playing the best game up until this week, but girl, you made three extremely bad mistakes this week. First and foremost, how stupid was it to bring up Dawn to Cochran, that was his number one ally, at least wait until final four or five to broach that subject. And where taking Dawn to the finals who could rack up some sympathy votes, it would be worse to take Douchebag #2; the guy already has three automatic jury votes: Malcolm, Douchebag #2, and the gay homosexual, that could be enough for a win. All he would need is one more vote for at least a tie (assuming there will be a final three). And lastly, how do you go home with an Immunity Idol in your pocket? You have been paranoid this whole time, how do you not play the Idol. It is not a good sign when Erik gives away another Idol and he was not the dumbest person of the episode.
You can stream recent episodes over at CBS.com. You can also download Survivor: Philippines on iTunes.

Nashville: Has Juliette never seen Behind the Music? Rule number one: do not let strangers handle your money. Or as Billy Joel learned, do not even let family members handle your money. You hire a professional accountant, then hire a second one to keep the first on in check. A lot more shocking was the neighbor going in for the kiss on Gunner. Certainly did not see that coming.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Nashville on iTunes.

Community: Nerdy Annie was surprisingly extremely attractive (okay, maybe it is not that surprising, it would be hard to ugly up Allison Brie). Even bettet it looks like we may get Evil Annie next week. I may not be that sad to see Zombie-Community to go, but I will definitely miss Allison on my television every week.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Community on iTunes.

Hannibal: Oh Bryan Fuller, I am sure you did not just happen to name My Girl’s character Miriam Regina Lass, so I am just going to go ahead and assume she is George Lass’s little sister. My sources tell me George herself will be showing up later this season as a character named Georgia so I wonder if she will be playing Miriam’s older sister, even if the original George Lass is dead (like Miriam).
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Hannibal on iTunes.

57 Channels and Only This Is On: 3/30/13

Once Upon a Time: The scene back from the last commercial break may have been the most absurd thing ever aired on network television. First off you had Pinocchio die from a taser, c’mon, how does someone made of wood be harmed by a little electricity? But of course before he died, he was able to crawl out of the police station utter a couple nonsensical words before going to the big wood chipper in the sky. But since he died trying to help someone (and failing at that), the blue fairy was able to turn him into a real boy (again). And by real boy, an actual ten year old who apparently has no memory of the past twenty years. So Pinocchio gets to live even though he helped no one. In fact they are in more danger because of him.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Once Upon a Time on iTunes.

Revenge: What a weird way to wrap up the foster brother storyline. Why not to tell Amanda your plan the whole time?
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Revenge on iTunes.

The Walking Dead: I guess it is surprising Merle made it this long. He probably should have never made it off the roof. Or out of Woodbury. Or in a prison with Michonne. But it became pretty clear that it is a worse punishment not to die, because instead of putting a bullet in Merle’s head, he sentenced him to a life of a zombie. That may have been the most evil of all of the Governor’s evil deeds.
You can download The Walking Dead on iTunes.

Shameless: So Jimmy has had two years of med school and only one more to go? Since when did becoming a doctor only take three years? I thought it took ten.

The Voice: If there was any question to if the new judges could successfully replace the former ones, it was answered when Shakira pulled out her English to Country dictionary. And Usher had a very entertaining moment when he called Nashville a state despite being born in the same state where the city resides. Even though the coaching panel turned out to be solid, I was a bit worried with the talent on the stage after the first episode because all the contestants were petty lackluster including the weakest four chair audition in the Morgan Sisters. Things turned around the next day (no pun intended, okay, maybe a little) with two artists that deserved all the coach’s button pushes in Midas Whale and Sarah Simmons, both who ended up on Adam’s team making him the early frontrunner (not to mention the Michael Jackson backup singer he picked up a day earlier who I found overrated; Judith Hill is no Amanda Brown). And they really amped up the sob stories this season between the dead bandmates and dead children (made worse by no one turning around). Of course there some absurd sob stories. When you look like a cross between Amanda Seyfried and Emma Stone and the worst thing that has happened to you is getting teased about a snaggletooth, you probably should not be singing Mean.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download songs from The Voice using the widget at right.


How I Met Your Mother: I would have liked this episode much better if the chopped off the last five minutes. The only way the ending could have been more depressing would be if they played a Ryan Adams song during it. And no, I will not tell you the ingredients of The Scooter McGavin alcoholic beverage that I created back in college because I am paranoid someone with plagiarize it. That and I may have forgotten the ingredients because I drank too many Scooter McGavin’s in college.
You can stream recent episodes over at CBS.com. You can also download How I Met Your Mother on iTunes.

Castle: When we saw Ryan at home I thought, oh goodness, I have zero interest following that guy home. And then he went and got himself slapped by a mobster. Unfortunately the rest of the episode was not as entertaining as him getting slapped.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Castle on iTunes.

Go On: Between this episode and Cougar Town, I am beginning to wonder if there ever was a time when Courtney Cox was ever funny.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Go On on iTunes.

Justified: It became pretty clear that Colton would not make it to the end of the season, most likely at Tim’s hand, it is a little surprising he got gunned down before the finale (was this Tim’s first on screen kill in the series?) Which makes me wonder who will they kill off in the finale, or how many? Mike O’Malley cannot possible survive after threatening the life if Raylan’s unborn daughter. And will Theo Tonin finally make an appearance or will they be saving him to be the big bad of season five? I cannot wait to find out.
You can download Justified on iTunes.

Survivor: Caramoan: Apparently Philip did not learn that much from Boston Rob because I image Rob would have cut Corrine lose last night. He would have at the very least given Michael the boot because Corrine was cozying up with him. And splitting the vote was silly. If Michael or whatshername actually had the Idol, they would have played it last week. It is a shame that a Favorite is going to win because these are some of the most inept players in the history of the game.
You can stream recent episodes over at CBS.com. You can also download Survivor: Philippines on iTunes.

57 Channels and Only This Is On: 3/24/13

Once Upon a Time: Well that was the most boring Groundhogs Day homage ever. At least they let us now Ethan Embry was the young boy by the end of the episode because it was pretty obvious who the young boy would grow up to be. But this begs the question, is has his father remain in suspended animation like the rest of Storybrooke all this time or is old enough to join AARP now? Presumably he has been hanging out in the dungeon Belle was all these years.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Once Upon a Time on iTunes.

Revenge: So much for no more distractions. Now Emily has multiple distractions between her foster brother and whatever Jack is up to.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Revenge on iTunes.

The Walking Dead: The show really does not know its audience when it does an Andrea-centric episode.
You can download The Walking Dead on iTunes.

Shameless: The sad thing is, I do not think Frank becoming a gay icon even ranks in his top five most offensive scams.

House of Lies: Wait, did Clyde actually develop a conscience? He would be the last in the pod that I thought would feel bad that he orphaned a kid.

Vikings: When the previews showed the Vikings invading English speaking countries I wondered how the show would deal with the language barrier. Two episodes later and the answer is a resounding not very well. Sometimes they both speak English and not understand each other and this week they have both parties subtitled and not understanding each other. They should have just kept the Vikings speaking English and just have the English speak Gaelic or some other dead language. But I do like the new relationship between Ragnar and the priest. He is a much more interesting foil to Ragnar than the Earl is.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Vikings on iTunes

How I Met Your Mother: If Barney’s bed was not supposed to be an homage to Remote Control, I am going to go ahead and pretend it is.
You can stream recent episodes over at CBS.com. You can also download How I Met Your Mother on iTunes.

Dallas: With the reintroduction of Gary Ewing and his wife, you have to wonder if TNT is toying with the idea of a Knot’s Landing reboot.
You can download Dallas on iTunes.

Deception: Not The Killing bad, but I am still a bit disappointed with the killer’s reveal. I long wrote off Robert because I could not see him killing his own daughter after the lengths he went through to keep his son out of jail. And we still do not know why he killed her. Ugg.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Deception on iTunes.

Pretty Little Liars: I have predicting since the beginning of the show that Allison was still alive and later she was under the red hood despite her body being identified, and this is the closest thing to a confirmation with both Hanna and Mona seeing a not so dead Allison pulling them out of the fire. But I am not totally convinced what they saw was indeed Allison. But if it was, then were the other time the Liars saw Allison in dream like sequences, like when Aria was being drugged by her dad’s girlfriend, or when Emily was trapped in the barn when she was looking for the psychiatrist? And if Red Hood did not start the fire, does that mean Jenna, Melissa and the random lesbian who showed up last week (is she just a stand in because the actor they wanted was not available?) did do it? And is the start of a war between The A-Team and what I would like to coin The Dukes of Hazard (the second best television show of the eighties) with the Liars caught in the middle? And what the frack was in the trunk? Or should I be asking who?
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Pretty Little Liars on iTunes.

Justified: When it was shown that Drew skipped down on the 4:30 train I tho9ught why did Raylan not go with him instead stay in the principal’s office where he could get gunned down by Tonin’s thugs. I realized quickly that was a stupid question because of course Raylan is going to stick around and taunt Boyd and Tonin’s boys because he is Raylan Motherfracking Givins. If there is a hard way to do something, Raylan is going to do it. And that ended up being the best scene in the episode. Well that and Constable Bob getting beat to the sounds of Love Train. Actually, now that I type that out, I realized that was an awesome foreshadowing.
You can download Justified on iTunes.

Survivor: Caramoan: It is hard not to think of Laura’s plea to her tribe two weeks ago saying they should keep her because strength would not necessarily translate to wins and you never know when there would be a twist. The next week the Fans lost the Reward Challenge even with Douchebag #1 and Douchebag #2 and were gifted Immunity when Brandon Hantz went, well, Brandon Hantz. Then the very next week, they switched up the tribes and now Sherri is stuck on a tribe with four Favorites and the only Fans with her are Douchebag #1 and Douchebag #2. Speaking of Brandon, all he had to do was keep it together another day or two and he could have joined up with some Fan in a new tribe either vote Philip out or be in a tribe with no Philip. But that is not the Hantz way. And it is interesting that Douchebag #1 and Douchebag #2 managed to be on a tribe with the two on the outskirts of the Favorite tribe which makes you wonder if they stay loyal to the Favorites or jump ship. But after the challenge, they may never have to make that decision.

I do not know what was more surprising: that Special Agent Philip Sheppard admitting he never went to college, what exactly are the requirements for the FBI, or Julia spoke for the first time and was not voted off. I pegged her as the token contestant this season that does not get any screen time until the episode they are voted off. Maybe that will turn out to be Brenda this season. One more thing, Corrine’s love for gay homosexuals really bordered on creepy. I was really hoping that after one of her numerous comments on the subject the camera cut to Michael, who I not even remember up to this point even talking about his sexuality, who would say something like get this crazy chick away from me.
You can stream recent episodes over at CBS.com. You can also download Survivor: Philippines on iTunes.

Subugatory: This season has not been as entertaining as the first mostly because they have chosen to focus too much on the adults (the show needs more Dalia) but it was almost worth the extra old people storylines just to hear George’s rock version of Bump N' Grind.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Suburgatory on iTunes.

The Americans: Well that was an interesting plot twist with Philip all but asking Elizabeth for a divorse. Although I do not agree with him that the KGB would agree with him that it would be okay because they are not really married in their eyes to begin with so there is no need to get a divorce. But as they slowly become more American (Philip even faster), I have to wonder at what point, if ever, do they switch side like suggested in the premiere.
You can download The Americans on iTunes.

57 Channels and Only This Is On: 3/17/13

Once Upon a Time: It was pretty silly that they tried to make us wonder who in the cast was going to die when it was quite obvious that Cora would be the one that perished. And that was before the flashbacks featured her (anyone who watched Lost knows if someone was going to die, it would be whosever flashbacks were that week).
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Once Upon a Time on iTunes.

Revenge: Emily claimed after Amanda’s funeral there would be no more distractions, the promo monkeys even made a marketing campaign around the saying, but it is hard to take the writers at their word when her foster brother shows up to her doppelganger’s funeral which I assume will be a pretty huge distraction next week. He better be gone soon some Emily can actually take down some more people this season. Come to think of it, I think the Grayson’s have taken down more people this season than Emily.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Revenge on iTunes.

The Walking Dead: It is too bad that the summit did not involve Hershel and Milton because their conversation was much more interesting. Adn I like how the two henchmen knew they were going to end up killing each other soon enough.
You can download The Walking Dead on iTunes.

Vikings: There are plenty of ways to show just how evil a character is, but offering up your wife to someone to see if he is dumb enough to take you up on the offer is a new one. I kind of like it.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Vikings on iTunes

Dallas: I know some grumbled about disrespecting the memory of Larry Hagman by having fights breakout during the J.R. Ewing memorial and going the Who Murderer J.R. plotline, but the guy played J.R. Ewing, it would seems more disrespectful to not send him out with a bang. And I doubt Patrick Duffy and Linda Grey would have been a part of anything that would have disrespected Hagman’s legacy.
You can download Dallas on iTunes.

Deception: The big question going into the finale is that Robert have Julian’s girlfriend killed because he thinks she killed his daughter or did he kill his daughter and she made a good scapegoat who now cannot defend herself in court, essentially closing the case. But Robert never struck me as someone who would kill his own family considering the lengths he went through to keep his son out of jail and to hide her pregnancy. I have pretty much thought from the beginning and still believe his wife was the one who killed Vivian because she threatened to tell Mia who her real mother was. Hopefully we get a definitive answer and not some lame fake out like The Killing because unlike The Killing, there will probably not be a second season.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Deception on iTunes.

Pretty Little Liars: Wait, what? Spencer joined the A Team?!? Sure I have a feeling she just joining to be a mole to bring down the A Team from the inside, but still shocking nonetheless. But I still do not believe Toby is dead until I see something more than a fading tattoo. And why is it the only time the Liars are candy stripers is when they sneak into the morgue.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Pretty Little Liars on iTunes.

The Lying Game: I pretty much figured Thayer last week was behind the murders last week when he had to be the guy who burglarized Rebecca’s place, I just have not figured out why. Does the dude just have serious rage issues; killing Derek and then killing Teresa because she somehow found out? Then had the hubris to think he could pin it in Alec (who in turn thought he could pin it on Rebecca who herself thought could pin it on Alex; what a marriage). I also cannot figure out why Rebecca would throw Alex through the skylight. Unless she did not and Alec actually went so far as to throw himself through the skylight to make sure Rebecca gets pinned for all three murders. This is getting confusing.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download The Lying Game on iTunes.

Justified: A bit of an anti-climatic episode after learning that Sherriff Shelby is Drew Thompson though it was nice to see Limehouse again. But I am intrigued about the next episode with the final line, “We just have to get out of Harlan alive.” Maybe they can sneak out in Wynn Duffy’s Wynnabego.
You can download Justified on iTunes.

Survivor: Caramoan: Note to CBS: Stop it with the Hantz family. This is the second time a tribe threw a challenge just to get rid of a person with the last name. The Favorites did not even go through the motions of throwing; they just showed up to the Immunity Challenge and said just take us to Tribal Council, something that has never happened before. I actually feared for the safety of the tribe, you could have told me Brandon raped Andrea, pushed Philip into the fire, or harmed himself in some way and I would have believed you. Seriousyl CBS, no more Hantz’s
You can stream recent episodes over at CBS.com. You can also download Survivor: Philippines on iTunes.

The Neighbors: Usually television shows wait until they run out of ideas to do a musical number so I am a little worried about the quality of the rest of the season.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download The Neighbors on iTunes.

The Americans: The length spies will go through to get their way. You had Philip’s former flame telling him he had a son just to manipulate him, Beeman’s asset sleeping with him, telling him there were no strings when there were strings all over the place. Who would have guessed Elizabeth’s crotch grab would be the tamest way of getting things done this week? And I have a sinking suspicion that, much like on Justified, Mags Bennett will only last one season.
You can download The Americans on iTunes.

The Big Bang Theory: Speaking of running out of ideas, I really hate when comedies try to force heavy subjects into their plots which always seems to happen. Although I would not mind a Very Special Episode like the ones in the eighties. There really are not any Very Special Episodes anymore.
You can stream recent episodes over at CBS.com. You can also download The Big Bang Theory on iTunes.

Community: C’mon, if you are going to reference Memento, just go ahead and do a full Memento parody. Hopefully it was a hint of what is to come and Chang Kevin will be covered in tatoos next episode.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Community on iTunes.

57 Channels and Only This Is On - 2/24/13

Once Upon a Time: Wow, eyeless girl was creepier than anything on The Walking Dead this week. Although will Mr. Gold be willing to get rid of his grandson just because he will be his downfall? Stupid question, this is a guy who let his son slip through a portal alone just to keep his powers.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Once Upon a Time on iTunes.

Revenge: It was pretty obvious that the person at the bottom of the boat would turn out to be the evil dock guy, but I never would have guessed that he would take Amanda down with him. After she had Jack’s baby, I assumed she would be here for the long haul of the show. Hopefully this inspires Emily to get back to taking people down again and stop with all this slow and boring cooperate espionage that has gone on this season.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Revenge on iTunes.

The Walking Dead: I thought crazy Rick stopped after he realized he was getting phone calls from beyond the grave. Ugg. And all the zombies that came out of that delivery truck might as well all had wigs on because that was essentially a clown car.
You can download The Walking Dead on iTunes.

Shameless: Of course child services shows up at the most chaotic time ever on the show. It will be hard for to get the Gallagher’s to get out of this one, but I have a feeling the inept worker will help them out inadvertently or not. And can you really get pregnant with a turkey baster? I always that that was an urban legend.

House of Lies: Uh, oh, Veronica Mars went on a blind date with the Hearst rapist this week. Hopefully she will be back next week with all her hair.

How I Met Your Mother: I am too lazy to even bother to think about it, but I am pretty sure the show has done the three stories from three perspectives before, probably multiple times, and it it gets less interesting every time. With that said, I kind of want to watch this episode again just to see of Barney’s Austrian king actually shows up in the background somewhere.
You can stream recent episodes over at CBS.com. You can also download How I Met Your Mother on iTunes.

Switched at Birth: I had the new girl pegged to be a mole, she was acting a little too weird, but I would not have guessed that she would turn out to be the opponent’s daughter. But will Toby be able to use that to his father’s advantage?
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Switched At Birth on iTunes.

Bunheads: I did not think the show could top the weirdness Istanbul dance from last summer, but I think they may have done so with the dancing miners.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Bunheads on iTunes.
2 Broke Girls:

Castle: I was going to take this time to make numerous Taken jokes, but the promo monkeys already beat me to it with the previews showing an upcoming Liam Neeson joke. Hurmph.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Castle on iTunes.

Pretty Little Liars: Do people in the suburbs really have shower / spas like that in their homes? I defiantly need one.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Pretty Little Liars on iTunes.

Go On: I am really ready for Simone to go back to wherever she came from.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Go On on iTunes.

Justified: The video that Jody made for Raylan (with the aid of Paul Kinsey!) was so entertaining I will completely ignore that he really never had the time to make said video (or how implausible that basically every episode this season so far took part in less than a week). Also the show could use more Jackie Nevada. I take her over Ava, Wynona, or the barmaid from earlier this season. If you cannot get enough of Nevada, I highly recommend Raylan the book (see my review here), this episode is basically the end of the book, except there was no doubt if Raylan got any. Then again, in my experience, whenever a girl leaves the bathroom door open when she takes a shower, it is a sign she wants you to join her. Okay, that has never actually happened to me.
You can download Justified on iTunes.

Survivor: Caramoan: I really like the trend of people outing other people at tribal council who have a Hidden Immunity Idol. I do not like the trend of people claiming that they are going to use said Idol but keep it in their pocket. I also do not like how the “Player of the Week” commercial is almost always spoilery. When both Laura and Douchebag #1 (not to be confused with Douchebag #2 whose name I also have no desire to learn) were up for the award, you knew they were going to do something but they did nothing interesting before then. I am usually good at skipping the ad, but the show really needs to move it to the last commercial break to avoid such spoilers.
You can stream recent episodes over at CBS.com. You can also download Survivor: Caramoan - Fans vs. Favorites on iTunes.

Modern Family: Holy Bud Bundy sighting! T is a shame that it took Al this long to get his son some work.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Modern Family on iTunes.

The Americans: It is weird watching this episode with all the paranoia that the Russians were behind the shooting of Ronald Regan when we now know that some crazy dude did it just to impress Jody Foster (I hear she’s currently single). I guess the closes thing similar that I can think of was when the power went out here and most of the northeastern part of the United States right after 9/11 and everyone thought it was another terrorist attack, but just turned out that our power grid just sucks. And a decade later, they still have not fixed it.
You can download The Americans on iTunes.

Community: I am now convinced the new showrunners are just fracking with us between the Stockholm Syndrome attempt and Luke Perry and Jennie Garth ruining Inspector Spacetime. This is going to be a long final season.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Community on iTunes.

King of the Nerds: It is weird that for a show entitled King of the Nerds, that there is only one guy that remains even though the game started out with more guys than girls. I guess it may not be all that surprising that a bunch of male nerds would get flustered with chicks around, losing ever head to head gender battle in the Nerd Off. Now will the chicks band together to make sure Ivan (like when Parvati won Survivor) or with the self implode and let the guy win (like that season with Eliza)? Actually come to think of it, has there ever been an all male final on Survivor? (Researching… It has happened three times out of twenty-five seasons; five were all female)

57 Channels and Only This Is On - 2/17/13

Once Upon a Time: So Jack of the beanstalk fame was a chick? Alrighty. About as realistic as watching Hurley trying to run. I also like the promo monkeys making it sound like the reveal of Mr. Gold’s son is going to eb a shocking reveal as anyone who has watched has already figured out that his son is also Henry’s baby daddy.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Once Upon a Time on iTunes.

Revenge: It is common knowledge that the second season of the show just is not as entertaining as the first. I would argue that the Jump the Shark moment was when it was revealed that it was not Daniel who died as witnessed during the series premiere but the Rent Boy instead. And it looks like the show is going to pull that cheap storytelling again this season as it was teases that Jack would end up at the bottom of the ocean at some point but will not actually pull it off as I bet the evil dock owner is the one that will end up dead. Hurmph.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Revenge on iTunes.

The Walking Dead: So after coherently invading Woodbury and successfully saving Glen, Maggie, and then Daryl, Rick is bat-ish crazy again. Yep, seems right. Welcoming back The Walking Dead.
You can download The Walking Dead on iTunes.

Shameless: Just when you think the show has run out of new ways to offend the audience, a third Malkovich child shows up with an extra package. Apparently nothing came out of Frank calling child services a couple weeks ago, but I am beginning to think maybe a representative should start showing up on set.

House of Lies: I try to avoid anything that involves Matt Damon and got tired of actors playing a douchebag version of themselves a long time ago, but this may have been the most entertaining episode of the show yet.

Switched at Birth: Is it wrong that I started yelling “Deaf Fight!!!” during this episode? Please do not answer that, I already know the answer.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Switched At Birth on iTunes.

How I Met Your Mother: Just when you think this was going to be another episode where the writers beat an already not very funny joke into the ground, out walks Mike Tyson. Well done writers, well done.
You can stream recent episodes over at CBS.com. You can also download How I Met Your Mother on iTunes.

Dallas: I wonder why Ryland and his mother are perpetrating Bobby lie that he shot him. Does Ryland actually not remember and his mommy told him who shot him? As much as they hate Anne, why not let her rot in jail?
You can download Dallas on iTunes.

Deception: O wow, I was actually right that the dude from the John Laraquette Show was actually Mia father. And now I am beginning to think he killed Edward’s one night stand to have leverage over the Bowers family. But even if the statute of limitations of statutory rape runs out after five years, would accessory to murder still get him jail time. I may just have to move him up on my list of suspect to number two after step-mommy.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Deception on iTunes.

Pretty Little Liars: Huh, it looked like Jason’s flashback was going to show what happened after Mr. Montgomery got threatened by Allison and then Spencer’s sister walked out of her house, but instead of Allison, Jason saw… CeCe? Huh? Maybe it is CeCe is the red coat that is the Master A. And where did Jason go? Unles the Liars are that unobservant that h would just slip by, did he really jump out of the window after falling down an elevator shaft?
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Pretty Little Liars on iTunes.

Justified: I guess I was not the only one who thought Major Dad was also Drew Thompson. Granted until I see his high school wrestling pictures under the name Josiah, I would be highly suspicious that he still is. But if Major Dad is not Drew Thompson, who is? Since the show like to recycle its guest stars, I have a feeling we have already met him (for half a second, I actually thought that Arlo may be Drew Thompson, but Raylan is too old to not know his father changed his name). Could it be the half naked judge from News Radio? Sherriff Shelby? Constable Bob? Wynn Duffy? Please oh, please let it be Dewey Crowe.
You can download Justified on iTunes.

Nashville: I wonder if Gunner and Scarlett ditch Avery’s band just like Avery did. They get wind that Rayna may want to sign them, and no mention of the other guys. I guess with a show with this name, someone needs to stay in Nashville.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Nashville on iTunes.

The Americans: Holy Mags Bennett sighting! You knew when Mags showed up in dinner, she was not going to be just some random creepy chick; the only question would be if she were KGB or FBI (or some other three letter agency). It turns out she is the new KGB boss and has no problem killing a chick. But I guess that was the only reasonable outcome (again showing again just how soft the Jennings are getting), with the kid going to his grandparents in Mother Russia.
You can download The Americans on iTunes.

Community: Note to the new showrunner: no more Scary Annie please.  It is not brain surgery, put her in highly GIF-able situations.  No need to over-think things when it comes to her.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Community on iTunes.

57 Channels and Only This Is On - 1/27/12

Once Upon a Time: I do not understand why Belle does not remember who Mr. Gold is, I thought if they cross the city line they only forget the fairytale land but still remember Storybrooke. I guess I should not assume that the writers of Lost would remember their own rules. Also, no one cares about Dr. Frankenstein.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Once Upon a Time on iTunes.

Shameless: It looks like we are going to get a power struggle within the Gallagher family as Fiona tries to do things the right way while Lip continues to do it the way the family always has, stealing and scamming. Being that this is Shameless, I have a feeling Lip’s way will win out because I really doubt that Fiona will continue at a loss just to try to dig her way out of her situation. When Frank came back from Mexico I wondered where he landed because he already got kicked out of Sheila’s, his family would not take him back, and the last person he cohabitated with died. Apparently it is back to Shelia’s house, but I still do not see that lasting long.

How I Met Your Mother: Wait, Barney’s half sister is Hanna from Pretty Little Liars? Was this common knowledge? I vaguely remember Barney learning his dad was John Lithgow but I do not remember ever meeting his sister. And how did Lithgow possibly produce someone who looks like Hanna? But I have to admit, I kind of would like Hanna to be the mother.
You can stream recent episodes over at CBS.com. You can also download How I Met Your Mother on iTunes.

Bunheads: I do not really care about what happened this week because all I can remember is the promo for next week featuring roller derby. Awesome.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Bunheads on iTunes.

Castle: Hasn’t the show already done a Girls Gone Wild episode? Or is it just every other crime show has done one and it just seems like everyone has done one at this point?
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Castle on iTunes.

Pretty Little Liars: Allison was extremely busy on her last day (assuming that Aria was hallucinating and really is dead). She had a sleepover with the Liars, met with that dude who is now dead, had a run in with Jenna and Garrett, blackmailed Mr. Montgomery, and now Melissa is the last person to see her alive. At least until Melissa saw Allison with someone else. I am sure at some point we will learn she had a run-in with Ezra who was not even living there at the time before meeting her demise.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Pretty Little Liars on iTunes.

The Lying Game: I feel a little cheated we did not get a full tennis match between Emma and Sutton, that could have been the whole episode and I would have been fine with it. On the bright side, no more Thayer, he overstayed his welcome a long time ago.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download The Lying Game on iTunes.

Justified: So it turns out Robert Quarrels’ Detroit boss has been taking some trips down to Dixie because his name interestingly came up during the interrogation scene this week. One thing that is not interesting is the whole snake preacher storyline. I am ready for the to end anytime now.
You can download Justified on iTunes.

Parenthood: Those Braverman’s are really a fertile bunch (except for Julia of course). That makes nine grandkids for Zeke (not even including Drew’s mistake). That makes three pregnancies and an adoption in four seasons. I would project Sarah gets knocked up next season, except she picked the dude who went to Minnesota (seriously, who goes from California to Minnesota, the Lakers made the right transition). Maybe Amber is up next.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Parenthood on iTunes.

Nashville: I really liked seeing Rayna and Juliette going at each other on tour these last couple episode, but it is only get better throwing Deacon in the mix… in Juliette’s band. The only way it could get better if they hired both Avery and whatever they are calling Scarlett’s new band as opening acts.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Nashville on iTunes.

Last Resort: I guess you really cannot say the ending was rushed because it obviously was as they had to cram an entire series into the last couple episodes. But I am still a bit disappointed we never learned of the conspiracy as to why the president did what he did. Was he just an evil Neo-Con? But it is clear that the that the show would have benefitted had it just been a six episode or so miniseries because it started out strong and came on at the end when they realized it would be canceled, but really dragged in-between.
You can stream recent episodes on Last Resort on iTunes.

57 Channels and Only This Is On - 1/20/13

Once Upon a Time: Just how long was Prince Phillip hanging out with Mulan because I wonder if Sleeping Beauty has something to worry about. Seems like that relationship has being going on for much longer than they let on.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Once Upon a Time on iTunes.

Revenge: How did I not see Rebecca Logan being evil ahead of time? Dilly me, let my guard down on that one. Poor Nolan, no matter which team he bats for, he gets beamed with the baseball. But it was pretty obvious that Emily and Aiden set up that kidnapping to get in the Initiative’s good graces.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Revenge on iTunes.

Castle: Of course the rapper brought his lighting guy to the precinct.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Castle on iTunes.

Deception: Are we really to believe a ruthless businessman who would go to great lengths to keep his secret, even have a gardener beat up a relative to keep her quiet, would have such an easy to guess password. And this happens all the time on these types of shows. At least have some computer nerd give them some cracking program. I would even find it even more believable if they kept their password taped to the bottom of their stapler.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Deception on iTunes.

Pretty Little Liars: I was a bit weary with the newly semi-rehabilitated (but probably not) Mona last week, but I am fully on board and now Mona is my second favorite character after Hanna. Mona is just playing these girls like a fiddle and I love every minute of it because she is plying chess while the Liars are playing checkers. But I am not liking Byron’s evil heel turn. The only way it could get cheesier and more cliché is if Byron hits Aria over the head with a steel chair and then rips off his shirt to reveal a “The A-Team” t-shirt underneath.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Pretty Little Liars on iTunes.

Justified: When the matriarch of the Truth clan stepped out of her house I thought, oh no they are going to recreate the Bennett clan. The actress was even played by someone everyone would recognize but has no clue what her name is. By the time the Marshal’s left, I was kind of sad that it may be the only time we will see the molestation fearing Truth family again. Although I am sure they will find a way to reincorporate them until Raylan has to put one of them down. Even Winn managed to find his way back to Harlen, unfortunately not with the armless Robert Quarrels (who I am officially presuming as dead now but I will hold on to a sliver of hope that he shows up in my proposed Harlen County Prison spin-off) in tow because Winn’s reactions to his craziness was always a highlight of last season.
You can download Justified on iTunes.

Parenthood: So if they put in a “healthy” vending machine, where did the students get all those Skittles to shower Max with? I guess the convenient stores are still getting a big share of the allowance money.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Parenthood on iTunes.

Modern Family: Note to the promo monkeys, do not say the show will end with a surprise you will not see coming followed by a baby crying considering Gloria has looked like she was ten months pregnant all season. It would had only been a surprise if Haley was one of those idiots from I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant and gave birth instead and it turned out Gloria was just bloated. Either that or Al Bundy had yet another season that was just a dream wher he thought his wife was pregnant.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Modern Family on iTunes.

Subugatory: They really need to get Tessa hopped up on drugs more often. As Claire Danes showed us (notice the great Homeland reference?), crazy is extreme entertaining.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Suburgatory on iTunes.

Nashville: I feel cheated that they did not force the tour with Rayna and Juilette earlier because the show is much more entertaining when they go toe to toe in a game of one-upmanship. Although I am not sure the tour will last long because I have a feeling Vegas would have the number of shows at 5. It will probably be as productive as the famous Metallica / Guns n Roses joint tour back in the early ninties.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Nashville on iTunes.

Last Resort: Holy frack! Winston Zedmore shot himself on live television. Or as close to live television as C-Span gets. But that is one way to drive up the ratings.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Last Resort on iTunes.

57 Channels and Only This Is On - 1/13/13

Once Upon a Time: If Ruby speaks wolf, why not ask her to speak to the dog because it did seem that the dog knew that it was not really Regina in Dr. Hopper’s office. I guess that would have been too easy.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Once Upon a Time on iTunes.

Switched at Birth: Hey Angelo, how about setting aside some of your winnings for one of your kid’s college fund? The way he is spending it will all be gone by the end of the month. Maybe that is the best thing, spend it all before baby mama number two comes for half (or more) of it.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Switched At Birth on iTunes.

Bunheads: I forgot how awesome the mascing teenagers scene was. Hopefully that shows up on all the “previously on” segments. But I am a bit disappointed that ABC Family did not release the full vial video.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Bunheads on iTunes.

Pretty Little Liars: So was the hand that came out of the ground last episode just a cheap scare for the Halloween episode or is there really a walking dead out there somewhere? We did get two suspects as to who Aria stabbed, although maybe they should not have waited weeks to try to figure out who that was. Again these are not the smartest junior detectives that have ever been on television. But I have decided after this episode the show needs much more slightly crazy Mona (hopefully they do not go the Homeland route and have her on too many crazy pills making the character much less entertaining).
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Pretty Little Liars on iTunes.

The Lying Game: So Rebecca has another kid who looks around the same age as the twins. I vaguely remember theorizing they were actually triplets sometime during the first season but I am too lazy to look this up. Although the show is still missing something. Maybe it is time to kill someone (and someone more important that Derek) to raise the stakes. I wonder if having one actress playing the twins hurts the show because of logistics it is hard to have them go at it very often.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download The Lying Game on iTunes.

Happy Endings: I have noticed that the show really likes to make bad jokes that the characters like to point out as being bad. I guess it makes writing easier when you can keep all you stinkers by pointing out they are bad.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Happy Endings on iTunes.

Justified: With Homeland giving a slightly disappointing second season, I have high hopes for Justified to take back the title of best show on television. And the season premiere set it up to be that way. But it is a slightly odd that it went back to a procedural type episode like from the first season and did not introduce a new Big Bad in the line of The Crowders, the Bennetts, Robert Quarles, or Ellstin Limehouse (unless the new preacher in town is less Godly than he leads on). Granted Also went from mild nuisance to full on evil. But he is locked up so how much trouble can he get in (hopefully he has a run in with Dicky and Dewey and maybe I can finally get my prison spin off I have been hoping for). And the premiere will probably turn out to be less procedural than it let on because it seems safe to assume the bag in the wall is related to the dead parachute guy and we will spend the season figuring out who it was, who the bag belongs to, and how is Arlo involved. I am sure it will be a fun ride.
You can download Justified on iTunes.

Parenthood: This may be the episode where Max goes from annoying little kid to quirky mini-Sheldon Cooper. Unfortunately just as Max becomes entertaining, Victor quickly raised the annoying kid quota. Suck it up Victor, you won the lottery. You went from dirt poor with a deadbeat mother to upper middle class in a loving family. So you have to eat some Brussels sprouts everyone and a while. Sure it is a little creepy that your new mom is extremely hot but you could have been in much worse situations.  With all the trouble they are having, I knew Joel and Julia should have adopted Zoe and her baby instead.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Parenthood on iTunes.

Nashville: I know the show, along with every other on television, lives in a hyper reality, but can you image if, in the middle of the season, Tim Tebow announced his engagement to Taylor Swift in a ceremony that would happen later that week, a day before a game in Cleveland only to be left standing alone at the altar? Skip Bayless’s head would literally explode. Stephan A Smith would have to be admitted to a mental health facility. Pardon the Interruption would just be shocked silence for the entire half an hour for a full week. Basketball would just cancel their games because there would be no coverage of them.

I was surprised they finally brought back the paternity issue with Rayna which the alluded to in the premiere and I do not remember being mentioned since. Almost as surprising was that her husband already knew. Hopefully we do not have to wait another ten episodes for it to be brought out again.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Nashville on iTunes.

The Big Bang Theory: I am morally opposed to GPS’s because they are for the stupid and the lazy, two things I pretend that I am not. But if I were to get a GPS, I would want a Sheldon Cooper voiced one. Either that or one with Snoop Dogg.
You can stream recent episodes over at CBS.com. You can also download The Big Bang Theory on iTunes.