I Want My Music television: 6/18/2018

Fall In Line - Christina Aguilera feat. Demi Lovato


Were those children in the beginning supposed to be young Christina Aguilera and Demi Lovato because the former has to have a decade on the latter. It is kind of weird to have this female empowerment song and video that ends with: directed by a dude. As for the song itself, meh.


Lost My Mind - Lily Allen


When Lily Allen released her last album, songs went into two categories, her usually bratty songs that she did on her first two album while the other half were more adult sounding. At the time I said I wished Lily would dump the bratty persona and just do grown up songs. Her new album is mostly adult sounding, unfortunately it is mostly boring.


Rocket Man - Little Big Town


Elton John was made for MTV. Too bad most of his best songs predated the music video format. Weird that \Little Big Town went with a Phantom Zone look for their version of Rocket Man.


Give Yourself A Try - The 1975


Is the lead singer of The 1975 transitioning into Haley Williams?

I Want My Music Television 5/8/2018

Cry Pretty - Carrie Underwood



Carrie Underwood recently had an accident where she injured her face and itt sounded like she now may now look the guy from The Mask. Nope, in her first music video, she still looks like Carrie Underwood. And she still sounds like her mostly inoffensive, boring self too. Although I guess the power ballad guitar at the end was a nice touch. I miss the good cheesy power ballad.


This Is America - Childish Gambino



Childish Gambino started out as a backpack rapper in a time of ringtone rappers. Then hi last alnbum he went full funk for now apparently reason. Apparently next he is going fully African music inspired sound yet with a very political bent to the visuals which I do not believe he release a video for the last album. .


Accelerate - Christina Aguilera feat. Ty Dolla $ign & 2 Chainz



So is Christina Aguilera trying to be Bangerz-era Miley Cyrus now because even Miley has moved on from that gross phase? And that choppy rapper cadence is even more annoying when a which chick does it.


Ashes (from the Deadpool 2 Motion Picture Soundtrack) - Céline Dion



Deadpool is super-meta and I get it, having Mrs. Titanic Céline Dion topline your soundtrack is a get, but c’mon, but if you are going to go super-meta, even in your soundtrack, you should have gotten king of the soundtracks Kenny Loggins to contribute a song. Okay, sure, this video is funnier than anything they could have done with Kenny Loggins.

It’s True What You Heard, I am a Freak, I’m Disturbed

Two years ago Christina Aguilera released Bionic and it sank like a rock. It features songs where it sounded like Christina was trying to out-Gaga Lady GaGa at a time when most people were already tiring of Lady Gaga. It mirrored her debut album where she was riding the teen pop coattails of Britney Spears. But the thing is, Christina Aguilera, unlike the two other pop star (and many that populate the charts for the past decade) can sing. She is even the lynchpin coach on a show called The Voice. A half a year after Bionic dropped off the charts, Adele released 21 showing that people who can sing without all the trappings of a modern day pop singer. I thought to myself, Christina Aguilera should not be competing with the Britney Spears and Lady Gaga’s of the world; she should be competing with Adele.

So how does Christina Aguilera start her first album, Lotus, in the post-Adele era? With a heavy dose of auto-tune. Not only that, the first single was co-written and produced by Max Martin, the pop maestro who have us Baby One More Time. And like most songs from the Max Martin catalogue, Your Body is ultra catchy, but you think less of yourself when you catchy yourself singing along. I guess after three seasons of The Voice I should have seen this coming as everyone on her team have been bland pop singer with the exception of Jesse Campbell and Lindsey Pavao (neither of who inexplicably made the finales of her team) leading her to two straight last place finishes and with the new rule change this season will probably have her entire team voted off before the finals.

Christina did recruit two of her fellow coaches from The Voice to her new album (apparently Moves Like Jagger was enough studio time with Adam Levine). Cee Lo Green shows up on Make the World Move where Cee-Lo plays a glorified hype-man for the club ready track. Just a Fool is the closest thing Christina has ever come to country so it is not surprising she trades verses with the resident country voice on her show Blake Shelton, but I was left after the song was over wishing that Christina would had kept the song for herself as it could have been her one of her strongest ballads.

Even though she goes the ultra-pop route for most of the album, there is a quick Adele-type interlude for two songs in the middle of album starting with Sing for Me where Aguilera shows she is still the best voice of her generation. That is followed by Blank Page, which goes the stripped down Someone Like You route where it is just Christina and a piano (and some subtle strings flourishes). I would much rather have had a whole album like this especially where a song latter she starts a weird reggae segment includes pair of songs, Cease Fire and Circles.

But Lotus, for better or worse, is a pure pop album. Of course the album is littered with self empowering anthems, about half the tracks. While Red Hot Kind of Love harkens back to her Genie in the Bottle days. Army of Me and Make the World Move are good old school dance songs that thankfully do not utilize any of that annoying dub-stop or EDM trends that every pop song has to have these days (unfortunately Let There Be Love does jump on the annoying trend). It is clear from her choices on The Voice, Christina Aguilera still loves pop music, I just wished she would put out a record that rivals Adele.

Song to Download – Blank Page

Lotus gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.

I Want My Music Television 10/4/12

There have been a couple of videos that have caught my eye lately so I thought I’d give them some love since the death of Musical Television left a void for a forum on the art form. If you are interested in buying the video through iTunes, click the title link (where available). If you are interested in buying the song, look for a link in the analysis.

Your Body - Christina Aguilera


Christina Aguilera has a new song out and it is better than Not Myself Tonight. Which I guess does not say much. But thanks to The Voice, Maroon 5 were able to climb back to the top of the charts with mediocre music so this will probably be a hit too. But I am more interested in the video. What is up with the blue goo in the bathroom? Did she just kill an alien? Am I better off not knowing?


Cherry Wine – Nas featuring Amy Winehouse


When I first heard this song on the new Nas album I thought it was exploitive because it did not really fit and really was not that good and doubt if a dead Amy Winehouse did not sing it the song would have never been released. After seeing the video, I have the same feeling.


Kimbra – Come Into My Head


I guess it should not be much of a surprise that Kimbra may be mentally unstable, but it is oh so enjoyable. I actually would like to go inside her head after watching this.


All Your Gold – Bat for Lashes


I do not know what to say about the new Bat for Lashes music video other than I cannot stop watching it.

I Want My Music Television - 8/10/11

There have been a couple of videos that have caught my eye lately so I thought I’d give them some love since the death of Musical Television left a void for a forum on the art form. If you are interested in buying the video through iTunes, click the title link (where available). If you are interested in buying the song, look for a link in the analysis.


Cry Baby – Cee-Lo Green



My favorite part of the new Cee-Lo video: when not-Laura Winslow gets a befuddled, why did Urkel just break out in song and choreographed dance with a street full of people face.


Moves Like Jagger – Maroon 5 featuring Christina Aguilera



When I first heard this song by Maroon 5 I thought do any chivks really want a dude with moves like Jagger? I always though why chick went for Mick Jagger was because he was rich and famous. I don’t Bob the bus driver who can move like Jagger is not getting many more chicks because of it. But anyway. For all the pervs out there that would get excited over a couple half seconds of naked women, there is an unedited version of this video.


Rise Above 1 – Reeve Carney featuring Bono and The Edge



The U2 Spiderman musical has been universally panned but you would figure at the very least the music would be good, but I am not sure if their collaboration with Spiderman himself Reeve Carney is even good enough to be on the Pop album. Hopefully their album with Danger Mouse comes out sooner than later so I can forget about this song.


Comeback Kid (That's My Dog) - Brett Dennen



Is it too late to nominate Comeback Kid by Brett Dennen the song of the summer? It is absurdly catchy and the video even features baseball. Plus how can you not get behind a white dude with thick read hair who turns That’s My Dog into a catchphrase?

We on Award Tour: 2011 Grammy Awards

- What a way to attract an audience that an Aretha Franklin tribute. Why they introduced everyone involved twice. And poor Christina Aguilera, first she flubs the national anthem then falls on the Grammys. It almost makes up for having to sit through Burlesque.

- The first award goes to Train and is the only award given out in the first hour which is why the Grammys is the only award show worth watching. Instead of expanding Best Movie, the Oscars should make Best Song ten to fifteen nominees and perform them all and push most of the awards to “handed out before the telecast.”

- Lady GaGa’s performances are known for being painfully to watch with her smearing herself with fake blood or fake ash, but Born This Way is most notable for just being painfully boring. And “Don’t be a drag, be a queen” may be the lamest chant in a song ever. Hopefully this is the official end of the Lady Gaga era.

- Marky Mark is officially off the hook for worst use of Walk on the Wild Side because that HP now holds that honor.

- I wonder if Muse gets asked to perform if the lead singer didn’t knock up Kate Hudson.

- It is a shame Janelle Monáe isn’t bigger than she is, she is the female embodiment of James Brown. And I really enjoyed the do-wop version of Grenade. Also, bonus points to B.o.B for rocking a monocle.

- Wait, Jewel is a country artist now? Was that common knowledge?

- Odd that Eva Longoria came out just as Desperate Housewives was starting on another station.

- What was with the Sub Zero dancers during the Justin Bieber performance?

- Speaking of Beiber, Donny Walberg is in no position to scoff at the crappy teen starlet because he was ten times worse.

- I liked how Selena Gomez hightailed it out of there after she announced Lady Gaga as the winner. I would too.

- Despite Bob Dylan being even more gravelity voiced than usual, the Mumford & Sons / The Avett Brothers stole the show with the best performance of the night.

- Teddy Pendergrass deserves better than having one line song in honor of him. And didn’t Lady Antebellum sing Need You Now last year?

- Kings of Leon did not look happy that they were paired with Miley Cyrus. And speaking of Cyrus I am completely against her hosting Saturday Night Live because The Miley Cyrus Show is the break out sketch of the season and I fear her showing up on it with ruin it.

- Apparently the Grammys made Cee Lo Green change so many lyrics that he actually forgot them. Or maybe he was distracted by his Elton John costume.

- Just when you thought Katy Perry couldn’t get any worse she breaks out a balled featuring pictures of Russell Brand. Eww.

- I liked how they referred the Cee-Lo song as “The Song Otherwise Known as Forget You” much more entertaining than simply “Forget You.”

- Lady Antebellum wins Song of the Year. Keep in mind this is a songwriter’s award, which went to a song about drunken dialing.

- When Seth Rogan said Adam Levine was part of the Eminem / Rihanna / Dr. Dre performance I thought he was joking, but there he was at the piano. And Dre, it time to stop teasing us and give us an official release date for Detox.

- At least they spruced up the token old white guy moment this year by playing music over him. Now he knows how long winded award winners feel like. Although it was odd how he talked about accepting free speech right after a heavily censored Eminem set.

- I am not the biggest The Rolling Stones fan out there, but Mick Jagger tore the roof off the place. Too bad Raphael Saadiq get mentioned as the guitar player.

- Okay, Lady Gaga wasn’t as boring as Barbra Streisand. It’s too bad Duck Sauce didn’t come out and perform with her.

- Walk Up is a good song and all, but I have never gotten Arcade Fire as a whole.

- If Arcade Fire wins Album of the Year but lost Best Alternative Album to The Black Keys, doesn’t that mean Brothers is really the true Record of the Year?

I Want My Music Television vol. LXXXVIII

There have been a couple of videos that have caught my eye lately so I thought I’d give them some love since the death of Musical Television left a void for a forum on the art form. If you are interested in buying the video through iTunes, click the title link (where available). If you are interested in buying the song, look for a link in the analysis.


Amongst the Waves (Live) - Pearl Jam



Surfing enthusiast Eddie Vedder had another song about his favorite pastime on the latest Pearl Jam album and with the recent assault on our oceans, no better time that heal out the ecosystem in the Gulf. Proceeds from the U.S. sale of Pearl Jam's video “Amongst the Waves” will benefit Conservation International's Marine Programs. To learn more about this program and Conservation International, visit www.conservation.org/marine


The Fire – The Roots featuring John Legend



When I first saw this new video from The Roots, I had no idea what was going on, then I read this description from directorRik Cordero:

"The Fire" chronicles a post-apocalyptic death march set in 1945 during the final stages of World War II in Europe. After a cataclysmic event renders the war futile, a paramilitary splinter group -- led by a Kurtz-like figure known as The Commodore -- forces the transfer of young men who will be used as labor...and food. The last survivor of the march receives a mysterious White Box which holds the key to survival.

Yep, still no clue.


You Lost Me - Christina Aguilera



It seems clear that Christina Aguilera should take the Eminem route and start disavowing this album like he did Relapse. This video seems like it is trying to be weird and artsy but just doesn’t go far enough instead coming off amateurish. Seriously, what is up with that effect when she sings about being infected?


He's Not a Boy - The Like



Of course The Like go for a retro video to the great retro song.

I Want My Music Television vol. LXXXI

There have been a couple of videos that have caught my eye lately so I thought I’d give them some love since the death of Musical Television left a void for a forum on the art form. If you are interested in buying the video through iTunes, click the title link (where available). If you are interested in buying the song, look for a link in the analysis.


Next Girl – The Black Keys



Frank the Funknosaurus Rex is back for the latest Black Keys video and those the boys in the band don’t seem to like him (I am just hoping that was a pretencious musician meta joke), but I am glad he is back and better than ever.


Not Myself Tonight – Christina Aguilera



Had Christina Aguilera made this exact video a decade a decade ago I may have thought it was the greatest music video ever in the history in the world. But since then she got the most unnecessary breast augmentation ever in the history of the world, started looking more like a contestant from RuPaul’s Drag Race than the girl from Genie in a Bottle, got married, had a kid and now knowing all that, watching the video now just feels, well, dirrty.


Rewind – Diane Birch



Not the head scratcher of her last video, but when Diane Birch writes a song as beautiful as this you do not need all the bells and whistles (or whips and gags).


Rise Up – Cypress Hill featuring Tom Morello



This may not Prince, but Cypress Hill teaming up with Tom Morello makes me want to party like its 1999. I am not sure that is a good thing. The video even looks very 90’s.

The Most Anticipated Albums of Spring 2010

Record executives recently realized that the only time people actually buy music these days are when they are buying it for someone else and so there are an overabundance of titles that come out in the fourth quarter, big releases in the other three are far and few in between. Here are the five that will be released over the next couple months followed by a broader chronological list. Please note that release dates are subject to change. Click the album name (or album artwork) for an album is available for pre-order on Amazon. Click the artist’s name for their iTunes directory.

1. Brothers – The Black Keys (May 18): Inevitably whenever you make a list a hundred deep, no matter how much research you do, you are bound to forget something. The day after I posted The 100 Greatest Duos of the 00’s, I was in the shower and realized, oh crap, I forget Dan Auerbach and Patrick Carney. I am sure I will be beating my head even more when I get a listen to their latest. The boys are back to their do it yourself esthetic after their turn to Danger Mouse who produced Attack and Release (he is back for one track, the first single Tighten Up).

2. To the Sea – Jack Johnson (June 1): Thankfully the greedy record execs are not holding this out for Christmas time because if there is an artist that should be listened to during the summer not while there is snow on the ground, it is Jack Johnson. Look out for the new single You and Your Heart coming to an adult contemporary station any day now.

3. Court Yard Hounds – Court Yard Hounds (May 4): You may not recognize the band name, but you know it members, the sister two thirds of the Dixie Chick. Emily has taken over the singing and writing (with the exception of Marti who takes lead on one track). The album will also feature a duet with Jakob Dylan.

4. Bionic – Christina Aguilera (June 8): Like most double albums, Back to Basics could have sufficed as a single disk. Four years after that release, Christina is back and brought with her an eclectic group of songwriters and producers for Bionic including M.I.A., Sia, La Tigre, Polow da Don (The Neptunes (rumored) and longtime collaborator Linda Perry who co-wrote You Life Me up which debut during the Haiti marathon.

5. How I Got Over – The Roots (June 8): I believe I included this in my album rundown last fall, here’s hoping it finally reached the light of day this summer.


Today
Women and Country – Jakob Dylan
I Learned the Hard Way – Sharon Jones and the Dap-Kings
Midnight Souvenirs – Peter Wolf

April 13
Leave Your Sleep – Natalie Merchant

April 20
My Best Friend Is You – Kate Nash
Tears, Lies and Alibis – Shelby Lynne
Country Music – Willie Nelson
Rise Up – Cypress Hill

April 27
Nobody’s Daughter – Hole
Sparks Fly – Miranda Cosgrove

May 4
Live at the Troubadour – James Taylor and Carol King
Tonic – Tonic
Pulse – Toni Braxton
Uni-5: The World’s Enemy – Bone Thugs-N-Harmony

May 11
Sea of Cowards – The Dead Weather
Night Train – Keane

May 18
The Archandroid - Janelle Monáe

May 25
Stone Temple Pilots – Stone Temple Pilots
Distant Relatives – Nas and Damien Marley

June 1
Shout it Out – Hanson

June 8
We Are Born – Sia
Grace Potter and the Nocturnals - Grace Potter and the Nocturnals
Destroyer of the Void – Blitzen Trapper

June 15
The Laws of Illusions – Sarah McLachlan

June 22
The Sellout – Macy Gray

No Release Date Yet (So I would not expect them until fall)
Songs of Ascent – U2
Hot Sauce Committee, Pt 1 – Beastie Boys
Life Styles - Nelly Furtado
Hands All Over – Maroon 5
Everything Comes and Goes – Michelle Branch
The Business – Mark Ronson
100 Miles to Memphis – Sheryl Crow
Mojo – Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers
Relapse 2 - Eminem
Fresh – Devo
TBA – Sara Bareilles
TBA – KT Tunstall

And of course, what would a music preview be with the obligatory; maybe this will be the season that we actually get to hear Dr. Dre’s Detox.

Recasting We Are the World

When Michael Jackson passed away, like most people I went back and listened to the music of his on my iPod which included We Are the World. That got me to thinking it that there was still plenty of poverty in Africa and it may be time to remake the song for a newer generation (especially considering Do They Know it's Christmas? is already on it'd third version). While doing research, I realized the twenty-fifth anniversary was this year so I sat on the suggestions I made at the time so I could release it to coincide with the anniversary. Then new came out last week that the co-writers of the song Lionel Richie and Quincy Jones (along with Jackson) were planning on doing so after the Grammy’s next week to benefit Haitian relief (so I guess they will be renaming the group USA for Haiti). So here are my suggestions next to those that did the original part. And as a point of reference, here is the original song:




Lionel Richie – Ne-Yo

Stevie Wonder – Maxwell

Paul Simon – John Mayer

Kenny Rogers – Taylor Swift

James Ingram – John Legend

Tina Turner - Beyoncé

Billy Joel – Norah Jones

Michael Jackson – Michael Jackson

Diana Ross – Christina Aguilera

Dionne Warwick – Alicia Keys

Willie Nelson – Keith Urban

Al Jarreau – Justin Timberlake

Bruce Springsteen – dude from Green Day

Kenny Loggins – dude from Fall Out Boy

Steve Perry – dude from Maroon 5

Daryl Hall – Robin Thicke

Michael Jackson – Michael Jackson

Huey Lewis – dude from The Fray

Cyndi Lauper – Lady Gaga

Kim Carnes – Kelly Clarkson

Bob Dylan – Dave Matthews

Ray Charles – Jamie Foxx

Stevie Wonder – Stevie Wonder

Bruce Springsteen – Bruce Springsteen

Dan Akroyd – Adam Sandler

Jackson Family Chorus – Jonas Brothers and other Disney stars Chorus


Naturally the hardest singer to recast was Michael Jackson himself and came I up with three alternatives; Bono, who technically is not American; Prince, who was actually supposed to duet with Jackson in the original but didn’t show up the first time; or have a chorus do all his part. But maybe it would be best to just pipe in his original vocals. And even though I recast their earlier parts, I still have to bring back Bruce Springsteen and Stevie Wonder to recreate their duet which was the highlight the orginal. Not bringing them back would have been like not asking Bono to sing "Tonight thank God it's them instead of you" for the new Do They Know it's Christmas? versions.

We on Award Tour: 2008 Video Music Awards

What the frak happened to the Video Music Awards? Once the bastion of everything cool has turned into the most unwatchable thing on television. Even in the lean years, they were still able to line up legitimate stars. As much as I complained about last year’s show it still featured Kanye West, Alicia Keys, Linkin Park and Foo Fighters. This year is packed with groups that in past years would not have the resume to land them an opening show spot. Really only Kid Rock has actually sold multimillion albums. Seriously, who the frak is Tokyo Hotel? Danity Kane? Yeah, there was no blatant synergy there at all. MTV obviously knew the star power equaled that of your local public access begging to get Christina Aguilara and Kanye West to perform at the last minute pulling Kanye out of his MTV ban a year after promising never to go on the show again.

And it isn’t just the performers that were low star wattage because, the people handing out the moonmen were pretty sad too: Miley Cyrus, the cast of High School Music, the dude from Gossip Girl? You know what the VMA’s have turned into: the Teen Choice Awards. This may be my swan song for the VMA because they have decided that anyone older than fifteen and with male parts could possibly enjoy anything this crap. Here are other complaints with this year’s show:

- Instead of any music in the pre-show we get random people dancing. Um, yeah, okay. I guess that makes sense because all the pre-show quality artists were sadly invited to play on the big show. Yeah, that was the most worthless pre-show ever.

- Ooo, a new Survivor-style version of the Real World/Road Rules Challenge. Can’t wait. One thing I can wait for: another Paris Hilton reality show.

- Who invited Kobe Bryant? Aren’t there too many teenage white girls around for him to be invited to? If you invite Kobe Bryant, shouldn’t you invite Chris Hansen too?

- “Better luck next year T-Pain, if you’re still relevant,” I not sure who the dude who said that, but no truer words were spoken tonight. I bet less than half the people this year won’t warrant an invite next year.

- Britney Spears opening the VMA’s again. Yawn. Have we not learned from Crossroads that she cannot act.

- Wow, the place where the VMA’s took place looked about the size of the TRL set. This is really sad. The economy is really as bad as they say it is.

- I really dislike that Disturbia song, it is an obvious attempt at trying to recreate Thriller but it is no where near as catchy. But I did like the Seven Nation Army interlude. And can we keep the clippers away from Rihanna. It is like ever single she releases she cuts off even more hair.

- Congratulation Russell Brand, you went from hilarious to humongous tool even faster than Dane Cook. I guess I shouldn’t have expected much from a guy who dressed up like Osama bin Ladin the day after 9/11. If you can get on your knees to get Kanye West back, why can’t you do the same for Chris Rock?

- DJ AM and Travis Barker are the house band? Really? Since when is dating reality stars make you relevant?

- For those lucky enough to avoid the Jonas Brother phenomenon, they are basically Hanson but without legitimately catchy songs. That in no insult to Hanson who actually play all the instruments themselves when they play live.

- Luckily we only have to put with ten seconds of Katy Perry singing.

- Yeah, the Michael Phelps hosted Saturday Night Live isn’t going to be any good.

- Why invite Lil’ Wayne to perform if you are just going to censor every third word out of his mouth? Then you have T-Pain who didn’t bother to lip-sync half his performance.

- Did Lindsay Lohan said she had a dance off with AC/DC. When did this happen? Was Angus wearing his kilt? And is it on YouTube? And wasn’t Fannie Pack the people that did that horrible Camel Toe song from a few years ago.

- Paramore: best made for the pre-show.

- Wow, Russell Brand just got put on blast by Jordin Sparks. You go girl.

- Was T.I. just rapping over his song playing on the CD player? That’s some eighth grade talent show stuff.

- Add to my who are these guys list: Josh and Drake.

- I guess it is apropos that Brittany would win three awards at the biggest train wreck of the year.

- Kanye, don’t sing ever again. Ever.

- So there is another VMA, no big surprises and we are stuck at the watercooler again for the forth year in a row with nothing to talk about except about how bad it was.

Toss Up: Christina Aguilera vs Avril Lavigne

It’s not all that uncommon to see the same themes throughout the entertainment industry. A couple summers ago there were competing asteroid destroying the Earth movies, this past year there were two television shows that dealt with backstage at a Saturday Night Live clone ironically on the same network. And last week, there was not one, but two music videos premieres that featured the singer as a blonde, brunette, and a redhead. Again the irony being that they are both on the same record label. So let’s fire up a game of Toss Up to see which video is better. First let’s take a look at the two videos:


Candyman - Christina Aguilera




Girlfriend - Avril Lavigne




To check out the videos on YouTube, click the bold links above the videos, to buy the songs, click on their names in the Toss Up below, also if you want to buy the Avril Lavigne video, click here. Now to the Toss Up:

Sounds Like
Christina Aguilera: Something from a World War II USO
Avril Lavigne: Something from an Ashlee Simpson album
Winner: Christina Aguilera


Looks Like
Christina Aguilera: A drag queen
Avril Lavigne: Christina circa 1999 with bad teeth
Winner: Avril Lavigne


Former Look
Christina Aguilera: A dirrty, dirrty girl
Avril Lavigne: A tie wearing pseudo punk
Winner: Christina Aguilera


Obscene Lyric
Christina Aguilera: He’s my one stop shop with a real big (expletive deleted)
Avril Lavigne: Don’t pretend that I think you know I’m (expletive deleted) precious and (expletive deleted) yeah I’m the (expletive deleted) princess
Winner: Avril Lavigne


Dance Sequence
Christina Aguilera: Something out of a gap commercial ten years ago
Avril Lavigne: Something from a Tony Basil video two decades ago
Winner: Christina Aguilera


Hang Out
Christina Aguilera: A malt shop
Avril Lavigne: A putt-putt golf course
Winner: Avril Lavigne


Song Promotes
Christina Aguilera: Monogamy
Avril Lavigne: Home wrecking
Winner: Christina Aguilera


Daring Fashion Choice
Christina Aguilera: The Aunt Jemima bandana
Avril Lavigne: Knee high striped socks with high heels
Winner: Avril Lavigne


YouTube Views (as of when I posted this)
Christina Aguilera: 23,416
Avril Lavigne: 146,852
Winner: Avril Lavigne


Husband
Christina Aguilera: Some random Jewish dude
Avril Lavigne: The dude from Sum41
Winner: Christina Aguilera


As a Blonde
Winner: Christina Aguilera


As a Brunette
Winner: Christina Aguilera


As a Redhead
Winner: Avril Lavigne


So there you have it, by the numbers, Christina Aguilera is your winner. Agree, disagree? That’s what the comment section is for. (Did I mention I recently got rid of the Word Verification? But I did make it so you cannot comment anonymously to combat spammers)

100 Best Songs of 2006

Since 1996, long before I had a blog, I have made of my favorite songs from that year once it concluded. Sometimes songs near the top of those list haven’t stood the test of time while some songs near the bottom have over the years have become some of my favorites. This year I took a list of 162 songs that caught my ear the past twelve months and came back with my top 100 using a complex racking system that makes the BCS look like Middle School algebra. So here are the songs that you should have been listening to this past year:


1. Crazy - Gnarls Barkley

2. God's Gonna Cut You Down - Johnny Cash

3. Waiting On the World to Change - John Mayer

4. Boston - Augustana

5. How to Save a Life - The Fray

6. One - Mary J. Blige and U2

7. Leave the Pieces - The Wreckers

8. Hurt - Christina Aguilera

9. I Will Follow You Into the Dark - Death Cab for Cutie

10. When You Were Young - The Killers

11. Black Horse and the Cherry Tree - KT Tunstall

12. Unwritten - Natasha Bedingfield

13. Fidelity - Regina Spektor

14. Hips Don't Lie - Shakira featuring Wyclef Jean

15. Not Ready to Make Nice - Dixie Chicks

16. Smile - Lily Allen

17. Chasing Cars - Snow Patrol

18. Nothing Left to Lose - Mat Kearney

19. The Saints Are Coming - Green Day and U2

20. Save Room - John Legend

21. Over My Head (Cable Car) - The Fray

22. I Wish I Was a Punk Rocker (With Flowers In My Hair) - Sandi Thom

23. Cab - Train

24. Gone - Pearl Jam

25. Dynomite (Going Postal) - Rhymefest

26. Hip Hop Is Dead - Nas featuring Will.I.Am

27. Before He Cheats - Carrie Underwood

28. White & Nerdy - “Weird Al” Yankovic

29. The Mixed Tape - Jack’s Mannequin

30. Promiscuous - Nelly Furtado & Timbaland

31. Suddenly I See - KT Tunstall

32. In the Rough - Anna Nalick

33. 9 Crimes - Damien Rice

34. I Gotcha - Lupe Fiasco

35. Wine Red - The Hush Sound

36. I Bet You Look Good On the Dancefloor - Arctic Monkeys

37. Hospital Food - David Gray

38. Here I Come - The Roots

39. Put Your Records On - Corinne Bailey Rae

40. Steady As She Goes - The Racontuers

41. Ever the Same - Rob Thomas

42. Black Sweat - Prince

43. Call Me When You're Sober - Evanescence

44. Bad Day - Daniel Powter

45. Crooked Teeth - Death Cab for Cutie

46. Original Fire - Audioslave

47. SOS - Rihanna

48. Dani California - Red Hot Chili Peppers

49. Three More Days - Ray LaMontagne

50. Streetcorner Symphony - Rob Thomas

51. For Us - Pete Yorn

52. Help Me - Johnny Cash

53. Cry Now - Obie Trice

54. Irreplaceable - Beyoncé

55. Not About Love - Fiona Apple

56. Where'd You Go - Fort Minor featuring Holly Brook and Jonah Matranga

57. Is It Any Wonder? - Keane

58. Temperature - Sean Paul

59. Touch the Sky - Kanye West featuring Lupe Fiasco

60. Memories - Eisley

61. Hands Open - Snow Patrol

62. Say It Right - Nelly Furtado

63. Remember the Name - Fort Minor featuring Styles of Beyond

64. Heaven - John Legend

65. Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is - Jet

66. Move Along - The All-American Rejects

67. Mama's Room - Under the Influence of Giants

68. Brand New - Rhymefest featuring Kanye West

69. Can't Let Go - Anthony Hamilton

70. Be Without You - Mary J. Blige

71. I Call It Love - Lionel Richie

72. Ain't No Other Man - Christina Aguilera

73. Ridin' - Chamillionaire and Krayzie Bone

74. Rollin' W/ Saget - Jamie Kennedy and Stu Stone

75. That's That (Explative Delteted) - Snoop Dogg featuring R. Kelly

76. Take It Back - Barenaked Ladies

77. Walk Away - Kelly Clarkson

78. Curious - Holly Brook

79. Easy - Barenaked Ladies

80. Drive Slow - Kanye West featuring Paul Wall & GLC

81. It Ends Tonight - The All-American Rejects

82. Too Little, Too Late - JoJo

83. Upside Down - Jack Johnson

84. World Wide Suicide - Pearl Jam

85. When Your Heart Stops Beating - (+44)

86. Gold Lion - Yeah Yeah Yeahs

87. Don't Download This Song - “Weird Al” Yankovic

88. Come Back to Me - Vanessa Hudgens

89. Get out of My Mind - Hootie and the Blowfish

90. Don't Forget to Remember Me - Carrie Underwood

91. No Hay Igual - Nelly Furtado

92. Snakes On a Plane (Bring It) - Cobra Starship

93. Vato - Snoop Dogg featuring B-Real

94. Bones - The Killers

95. Cash Machine - Hard-FI

96. Work It Out - Jurassic 5 and Dave Matthews Band

97. Under the Weather - KT Tunstall

98. Kick, Push - Lupe Fiasco

99. It's All Coming Back to Me Now - Meat Loaf featuring Marion Raven

100. Lithium - Evanescence