Everyone seems to be going country these days, Jewel, Michelle Branch, the dude from Hootie and the Blowfish and even Snoop Dogg hooked with Willie Nelson for a country song. Jessica Simpson being one not to ever set trends has followed suits with adding an occasional fiddle to her songs and submitting it to country radio stations.
The result is Do You Know that leans heavy on emotional ballads with the occasional upbeat song with its token banjo like first single Come on Over. The overall sound seems like Carrie Underwood light with Simpson leaning closer to the easy listening side of the musical spectrum than Underwood does (any patron of gossip rags should find the irony of Simpson once again following in the footsteps of Underwood).
Country fans already weary of Simpson just from judging her first single probably not be converted from the rest of Do You Know as it is the most “country” song on the album along with Still Beautiful. Those two are only topped by the title track that was written by and features Dolly Parton. And these two are a natural pairing Simpson could play Parton in a bio-pic. Well, assuming the casting diroctor on the film isn’y looking for someone that can act to play Parton.
The biggest problem is that most of the songs written for the album are just your run of the mill pop songs that Simpson tries to add some twang to. Country music has a long tradition of storytelling, but all these songs are the same cliche love songs that peppered Simpson’s previous albums. She didn’t even bother to put in a blatant “my dog left me, my wife left me and all I have left is beer to keep me company” tongue and cheek country song. Maybe try New Wave next Jessica because this country thing just isn’t working out.
There have been a couple of videos that have caught my eye lately so I though I’d give them some love since the death of Musical Television left a void for a forum on the art form so here they are courtesy of YouTube. I advise you to watch them before you read my reviews if you don’t want me to spoil things. If you are interested in buying the video through iTunes, click the title link (where available, if not the link goes to YouTube where you can watch the video in full screen). If you are interested in buying the song, look for a link in the analysis.
Well that was disturbing. Granted Zooey (half of She & Him, M Ward being the other half) was always the darker Deschanel sister. Creepy videos aside, at least the song is catchy. And if you like the song, I have been given permission to let you, my loyal readers, download the song for free for a limited time. And by I, I mean Border.com, so head over there for the free mp3.
John Mellencamp made two videos for this song, this being my favorite if only for the replay value and the George Bush cameo. Wait, why is George given the “believe” frame exactly.
So let me get this straight, a bunch of Wisconsin country fans booed Jessica Simpson, born and raised in Texas, for not being country enough. Um, alright. Of course it may have been residual booing from the unwatchable Dukes of Hazard remake (a brunette Daisy Duke is blasphemy). And this song isn’t bad for a country song which, granted, doesn’t mean much.
Hope - Jack Johnson
Like most Jack Johnson videos not involving Ben Stiller, Hope is not that interesting. But it is a great song.
There have been a couple of videos that have caught my eye lately so I though I’d give them some love since the death of Musical Television left a void for a forum on the art form so here they are courtesy of YouTube. I advise you to watch them before you read my reviews if you don’t want me to spoil things. If you are interested in buying the video through iTunes, click the title link (where available, if not the link goes to YouTube where you can watch the video in full screen). If you are interested in buying the song, look for a link in the analysis.
The first will.i.am man love video for Barak Obama was entertaining in a where did they find Ashley Banks kind of way. But this is just overkill. C’mon, Landry, I expect better of you. And like a dude from Texas in a Christian death metal band would ever vote Democrat. The only thing than can be considered entertaining about this video is figuring out which “stars” appear because the whole heartedly think Obama would make a great president and which ones just signed on for self promotion. This harkens back to the last election cycle with Diddy’s Vote or Die campaign when some of the spokespeople weren’t even registered to vote (*cough* Paris Hilton *cough*). And Jessica Alba’s diatribe makes me think that it is about time to bring back the IQ test for voting.
I am not entirely sure if this is a serious video from Mariah Carey or if she is thinking she is semi-ironic. I guess I am too busy figuring out why she wears less clothing the older she gets. Can we expect a Playboy layout when she his sixty?
What do you do when people don’t find you funny anymore, well if you are Willie Nelson you get Owen Wilson, Woody Harrelson and, um, Jessica Simpson to drive lawnmowers. And unlike the previous video, this one is legitimately funny.
Yeah we havn’t even reached November yet, but that hasn’t stopped media outlet’s from trying to be the first to get out their Year End Wrap Out. I wouldn’t be surprised that within five years someone will be doing their Year End Extravaganza in August. But anyways. The first to reminisce about the year that was is VH1 that recently opened it’s voting for the Big in 06 Awards, click the link to vote yourself and much like the mid term elections next year, be sure to vote early, vote often., but don’t vote for the incumbents. The Big show will air December 3rd and be hosted by D.L. Hughley of the hopefully not canceled Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip who did a great job hosting the show a couple years back during the Paris Hilton sex tape era. No performers have been announced yet buy if there are any VH1 executives that are reading this, you must do everything in your power to make sure a “Weird Al” Yankovic / Chamillionaire duet happens.And now this years nominees as well as who I voted for in italics:
Gee, it looks like someone has a vested interest in the DVD sales of Employee of the Month. Way to honor Cook long after no one finds him funny anymore. And since when does two movie flops and dismal sales of an album make you a Big Entertainer? Two spots that could have went to Gnarls Barkley. Personally my vote is based on who took up the most of my time in 2006 and that was easily YouTube.
Big Reality Star
No nominees just yet. Right now you can nominate your favorite. I nominated Casey from the Real World/Road Rules Challenges: Fresh Meat/The Duel. Casey is easily the most entertaining reality star that MTV has produced in years. From fights the fights with her partner Wes, to making it to the finals without any physical attributes. Then coming back for The Duel admitting she spent her prize money on a new set of breasts. The final four will be announced November 14th and you can vote on them then. And here is who would fill out my top four: Flavor Flav (Flavor of Love), Josh (Beauty and the Geek), and Danielle’s Breasts (Survivor: Exile Island).
Who would have thought back in the late eighties that twenty years later that the dudes from Can’t Buy Me Love and The Lost Boys would be nominated for this award. Granted I don’t watch either show, so I’ll go with who used to have a talk show on MTV. And where is Earl Hickey?
This is an odd category because most of these were YouTube phenomenon and you can’t actually download those videos. But I’m just knick picking. If we are going by number of YouTube views though, then OK Go should win by a landslide, but nothing beats “Weird Al” in entertainment value.
Yeah, this is a pretty lame category. And you can tell that the nominees were chosen in the short span between when Madonna adopted her African baby and when the father wanted the boy back.
It looks like VH1 also has vested interest in the Borat movie by putting Cohen in the category before he even broke threw. And not to sound like a broken record but where is Gnarls Barkley. When VH1 does I Love the 00’s you know Crazy will get plenty of screen time for the 2006 episode. But of the nominees you have to go with Pressley because after staring in cinematic gems like Poison Ivy 3 and the Jerry Springer movie, she somehow became the most entertain part of the funniest show on television.
Much like Madonna not getting her African baby, the Saints got spanked in New Orleans shortly after the nominees were announced. Yet another reason not to do your best of the year thing before Halloween. But I voted for them just because the other nominees are iffy with two coming back via a reality show and a game show. And how can Rosie be considered a comeback when she went from her own talk show to sharing time with the chick from Survivor and two other blowhards. Maybe I should vote for Gore because the last time I didn’t vote fore him bad things happens.
Four chicks from four shows I avoid like the plague. Let’s see here, one stared in a movie that not only did no one see, I don’t must people have even heard of it (Side Effects anyone? And did anyone see the Ringer while I’m at it?) another can pull off ugly way too easy (remember the nerdy version of Rachel Lee Cook in She’s All That was stilly pretty hittable), and one has Nick Lashey stench on her. And I don’t really follow the karaoke circuit, but didn’t the last one lose? And not only lost but lost to a dude even older than me? I went with Minnillo just because she the one I’d most want to have dirty, dirty sex with which says a lot considering the whole Lashey thing. Seriously where’s Scarlett Johansson, Evangeline Lilly and Kristen Bell, can’t we resurrect Rachel McAdams career for this please. I’d even take the chicks from High School Musical or Cassie over these girls.
Another reason why the awards are too soon in the year, they missed Snoop Dogg’s double whammy of drug and weapon charges on two separate occasions at an airport. Despite being the only one on the list that wasn’t actually charged, I went with Cheney solely in the hope that he shows up to accept the award and inadvertently shooting Hilton in the face.
Big Power Couple Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie Matthew McConaughey and Lance Armstrong Britney Spears and Kevin Federline Beyoncé and Jay-Z
Another lame award. I just went for the boys again just to see the acceptance speech which could be interrupted by Jake Gyllenhaal who was jealous that he wasn’t nominated with them.
Big Shocker North Korea Tests a Nuke Mark Foley Gets Caught John Mark Carr Confesses Bill Clinton Losses His Cool
It is well known that Kim Jong Il love Hollywood so if you tell him Clint Eastwood id there, he may just show up to accept the award so that why I voted for him. And if he doesn’t show you have the potential for the Kim Jong Il marionette from Team America to accept the award; either way this could be the most entertaining part of the whole show.
There were high hopes for this year’s MTV Music Video Awards after two years of well below sub-par shows. But in the end this year’s VMA’s were just as bad as the previous one with Jack Black somehow finding a way to be unfunny (and this may be a tipping point for Black after being universally panned for Nacho Libre). What was worse was for a show that has built itself of big stage productions and surprised guest, the performances seemed extremely low-budgets compared to years past and the surprised guests this year were Montel Williams, the little kid from the movie no one but movie snobs saw, and Lou Reed and the dude from ZZ Top who were most likely only there because The Raconteurs invited them. Here are more disappointing moments from the five hours of my life that I’ll never get back:
- Just as worthless as the big show was the hour and a half pre-show this basically was a vehicle for people to promote upcoming albums. Usually they have a world premiere video or exclusive interview, but nothing but two horrible performances.
- The show starts out with the chick from Kids Incorporated performing London Bridge, a song easily a lock for the Worst Songs of 2006 list. Blatant guided vocal track here as she didn’t even bother to even lip-sync half the time.
- Kurt Loder and John Norris must have something on the higher ups at the network because as MTV tries to distance itself from what it used to be (even refusing to even acknowledge it’s 25th anniversary) these two still show up every year at the VMA’s.
- Does the world really need a rock opera from My Chemical Romance? Really the world doesn’t need another album from them let along a concept album. But with the goth Sergeant Pepper garb, the creepy skeleton children’s choir, and the lead singer actually trying to sing with a fake British accent maybe the musical version of Jumping the Shark. Oh as for the premiere of their new song, it is easily a lock for the Worst Songs of 2006 list.
- Can we please end the Diddy era? The dude is now walking around with his own spokesman because he’s too elf important to talk. Really no one has capitalized on the death of someone else. Well except for all the Elvis impersonators.
- We start off the big show with Jay-Z welcoming the show back to New York City from a top of a building. This would have been a lot cooler had they not had the My Chemical Romance performance there earlier.
- Who ever decided the show should start off with a performance of a song that no one has ever heard should be fired. Worst show opening ever. When Justin Timberlake then switched to Worst Song of 2006 nominee SexyBack and brought out Big Head Timberland and a blatant guided vocal track, things didn’t get much better. What’s worse is it seems that the phrase Sexyback is going to overtake the go to phase for the corny old dudes replacing Fiddy (as in Fiddy Cent) after corny old dudes Al Gore and Jared Leto both used it.
- I kept waiting and waiting for the opening Jack Black skit to get funny, but sadly it never did. I think that it may have been the goal with the “everything going wrong” theme, but that’s just too high brow for me. Although I like how the MTV execs were the Douches. And what was with Black kissing everyone’s butt all evening? MTV really need to bring Chris Rock back.
- The first presenter is the straight from jail Lil’ Kim. Seeing her makes me wonder should you lose all the street cred you receive for going to jail but by getting released early for good behavior?
- The first shocker of the night was James Blunt for winning Best Male Video. I have a suspicion that this was a last minute decision to give him the award just to give his girlfriend some airtime.
- The least hip-hop song nominated wins Best Hip-Hop award. And up the irony quotient one of the Black Eyed Peas talked about how there is a place for positive rap as he picks up an award for a song about a woman’s naughty bits.
- Shakira and her Indian themed performance for Hips Don't Lie was probably the best of the night, but that’s not really saying much.
- Can someone please explain the allure of Jackass to me? Am I the moron for not finding naked midgets and dudes hitting each other in the testicles funny?
- Lil’ John is up next and tells everyone to get on the feet, but as the camera scans the place, everyone is as slow to get up as if a hymn started to play at church. But I can’t blame them considering it was just for Ludacris whose set looked like it was on a lower budget than most high school plays. Not a good sign for a song called Moneymaker. And had Ludacris not namedropped them, I would have never known that it was the Pussycat Dolls that came on stage at the end of the song.
- Speaking of the Pussycat Dolls, it’s sad tat we live in a world where they actually won a music award. But it’s nice that they thanked God for winning an award that tells dudes to loosen up their buttons. Classy.
- Jessica Simpson actually used the phrase “Push My Tush” while presenting the awards. I actually can feel my IQ dropping. Oh, and to follow up a story I broke here a couple days ago about her hooking up with John Mayer, just days later, Mayer posted on his blog that he really like the Public Enemy song Don’t Believe the Hype.
- OK Go redid their Here it Goes Again video with the treadmills step for step. What a waste of time. I could see the same exact routine on YouTube whenever I want, why would I want to see it live. The least they could have done was to screw p somewhere to make this performance memorable. Complete waste of time.
- What was on Paris Hilton’s head? But something has to be said that her album has been out more than a week and she has yet to perform a song live once. Even Ashlee Simpson’s people trusted her enough to lip-sync, it’s not a good sign that Paris cannot even be trusted to do that. Luckily she didn’t try doing it tonight instead she was just relegated to present the dude from Smallville and his band.
- Did some backstage dude grab Nicole Richie’s butt as she went onstage? I wonder if Nicole realized that Pink was making fun of her during her acceptance speech. I wonder if Pink realized that no one knew she was trying to be ironic.
- Did anyone else start to feel old when Snoop Dogg was talking about how all the new rappers were in diapers when he started? He then presents the Best Rap Video to Chamillionaire who said the best advice he ever got was to stay humble. Keep in mind this is coming from a guy who then named himself Chamillionaire.
- Guided Vocal Alert! Beyoncé gets no introduction and performs her second single off her new album. It’s never a good sign when a label has to rush out a second single before the album is never a good sign. Maybe we can expect that Destiny’s Child reunion sooner than later.
- T.I. is out next to perform a medley of songs I’ve never heard before and hope to never hear again.
- How funny was it that the dude who won Ringtone of the Year actually brought a list of people to thank? Apparently he didn’t get the memo that’s this was a joke award.
- It’s official, I am now totally sick of Fall Out Boy. And what was with the dude with the cape? The band is out to present Panic! at the Disco, or as I like to call it, a bathroom break. The performance would have been much better had the lead singer would have gotten hit with a bottle early in the song. If you want to see that happen, check out YouTube. Now that was entertaining.
- What's with bringing out the ten-year-old girl to the sounds of Rick James Superfreak. That is just totally wrong.
- I know that people like to make fun of past scandals but when your scandal is that you are horrible parents, it’s not a good idea to parody that sediment like Britney and her baby daddy did. Someone please send that tape to child services.
- Christina Aguilera for some reason to performed a balled. The massive guns she was showing off didn’t help with those drag queen comparisons.
- I thought they took out Michael Jackson from the Video Vangard award. Granted they have been sporatic giving it out lately. Hype Williams wins. It's sad that the rap cliches his videos created over a decade ago are still being used today.
- So AFI wins Best Rock Video and they were the only one all night who brings up the voting. This was something I was really wondering about, in the press release for the nominees, it mentioned that there was voting on the website, but I never heard anything about it after that. Nor did anything mention what the votes meant or if they meant why there was still a Viewer’s Choice Award. This is really bugging me.
- During one of their many mini-songs The Raconteurs changed the lyrics of historic song to “internet killed the video star.” Clever. Although this is about a year after I declared Podcasts Killed the Video Star.
- Worst Dressed of the night goes to Jennifer Lopez and her gypsy outfit. Seriously, who brought her out of obscurity? Can we quickly send her back there before she makes more crappy music? She appropriately presents Video of the Year to Panic! at the Disco, a crappy song to top off the crappy year.
- The night ends with The Killers. As the song ends they go to the nosebleed camera and just when you think they are setting up for something special, they cut back to Jack Black who ends the show.
Among the reality shows, movies, variety shows, and gossip columns, it is sometimes easy to forget Jessica Simpson is first and foremost a singer. Granted when she started back in the late nineties she was a third string blond pop princess (maybe fourth depending on where you rank Mandy Moore). Now just a couple months after her ex-husband released his first post-break up album, Jessica has released her own, the appropriately titled A Public Affair. But unlike Nick Lachey, isn’t solely about dealing with the break-up, this is most likely because Jessica can’t formulate two remotely intelligent sentences in a row let along write a whole song.
The album starts off with the title track, a disco send up the catchy in a “it will get old by the time Jessica is linked to her latest beau.” (Oh, she’s been linked to John Mayer? Yeah this song has started to get stale already now that I think about it.) From there the album sinks into the absurd with the next song You Spin Me Round (Like a Record). “Oh is that a Dead or Alive cover” you may ask. Well yes and no. It’s very similar to last year’s These Boots Were Made for Walking where the chorus is the same, the music is similar, but for some inexplicable reason they changed the chorus. And lets face it, the endearing quality of the song is how every line starts “I, I, I” and at the end “I want your loooooove” which are both missing from the Simpson version
Next on the absurd train is B.O.Y. which features a misplaced sample of The CarsJust What I Needed. Granted Simpson’s fan base will probably wonder what she stole the riff from the Circuit City commercials. But anyways. While If You Were Mine isn’t a cover, it sounds like a bunch of Janet Jackson songs mixed into one. Also a complete rip-off is Between You & I which is basically Unchained Melody with different lyrics and worse singing. The Lover in Me also has the “I’ve heard it before” vibe to it. Possible trying to keep pace with Christina Aguilera’s new retro approach, Jessica has Swing with Me, but the song just comes off as cheesy while Christina did a much better job at the era. Then for some incomprehensible she tries her hand at being a rap hype-man in Fired Up, and Flavor Flav she is not. But easily the worst song on the disk is Push Your Tush. Very much in the mold of Boots but somehow worse, the song is too pop for country fans yet too country for pop fans (for a sample lyric, check the title of this post, yeah, it’s that lame).
But unlike her ex, there are some actual good songs on the album. Walkin’ Round in a Circle is a soothing romp and shows she shouldn’t try to out Christina Aguilera the dirrty girl herself because she just doesn’t have the vocal range because this laid back song is possible her best song to date. Along that same approach, Back to You (not to be confused with the John Mayer song) is equally relaxing. The album closes with an actual faithful cover of the Dixie ChicksLet Him Fly, a novel attempt, but lacks the harmonies of the original. Maybe if she would have stuck to the structure of these songs and not have been all over the place like the rest of the album, the album would be much more listenable.
Vh1’s Big in (insert year) Awards have quickly become the most solid award shows even though it brings in less star power than the America Music Awards. And that could be the reason why, where other award shows have just become a vehicle for artists to promote their latest projects (I’m talking to you Video Music Awards), VH1 cares more about putting on a good show rather to pander to get stars. This year’s host, DL Hughley was entertaining enough to make anyone wonder why CBS picked the dude from Drew Carey to replace Craig Kilborn on the Late Late Show and why MTV still invites Jimmy Fallon back to host after bombing every time. Here are some other observations:
- The festivities starts off with a lame pre-show hosted by an extremely gay Ant and the not all that attractive chick from My Fair Brady. She actually won a modeling competition?
- During the pre-show they gave the Old School Triumph Award to INXS who dedicated the award to Michael Hutchence. I’m sure he’s thrill that you guys are trampling his legacy by doing a reality show to replace him.
- The Big show starts off with a Lost parody that was more entertaining than the show has been this season. Of course if the writer of Lost only had to fill five minutes, maybe it would be better.
- Ten years after becoming Playmate of the Year Jenny McCarthy is still hot as ever, granted she’s still as annoying too.
- Jessica Simpson for some reason wins the Big Stylin’ Awards. I have a feeling that VH1 stuffed the ballot box just so they could have her first post break up apperence. Then after she rambled threw her acceptance speech, including laughing at apparently at what she thought was a joke, I understood why Nick would let her go. I just hope he didn’t sign a pre-nup. Now I ain’t saying he’s a gold digger…
- The chicks from Laguna Beach seemed to get lost as they walked right in front of INXS to present them. And after seeing INXS perform with their new lead singer, I can’t believe this guy actually won. I didn’t watch a second of the show, but did everyone else actually suck worse than him. It’s like the chick from My Fair Brady winning a modeling contest. Get that dude a chorographer quick.
- Jeremy Piven rightly wins the Big Breakthrough Award even though I’ve been a fan since the PCU days.
- Kanye West wins the Big Entertainer Award and he was so big he didn’t bother showing up.
- Audioslave’s performance was cool but where was Tom Morello? Is this band breaking up already? Hopefully there won’t be a Rock Star:Audioslave.
- Hollaback Girl wins Big Download. Funny, I wouldn’t bother stealing this song let along spend .99 cents.
- All I got to say about Dancing with the Star Wars – classic. Funny than anything MTV has produced for their award shows in years.
- Again with the Gotti Boys? They make Paris Hilton celebrity look well deserved.
- Bo Bice Bice Baby wins Big Reality Star. Not bad for being a loser. Say hello to Justin (what’s his name?) in relative obscurity at the Big in 06 Awards.
- Peter Gallagher stoops low to introduce the Reality All-Star. I guess it’s a good thing that I didn’t recognize 90% of the singers. Unfortunately one I did recognize was Johnny Fairplay who is always unwatchable. Can he just overdose already and put us the viewer out of misery.
- Another person who just needs to go away – Kathy Griffin. Although her joke about Hilary Duff’s teeth sure got Lindsay Lohan laughing.
- Lohan then picks up the Big It Girl Award and makes some lame joke about the paparazzi. So let’s recap, she can’t act, can’t sing, can’t make a joke, and no longer has breasts – why exactly is she an It girl?
- But this lead to the best shot of the night as they showed the chick from Laguna Beach looking pissed that she didn’t win. Where’s the dude from The Real World who called out his roommate for thinking he was Ben Affleck even though he was only on a reality show.
- Best line of the night, “UPN has better ratings than George Bush”
- Hulk Hogan comes out and say, “do you wanna see big?” and proceeds to take off his shirt only to show us he has bigger breast that Lindsay Lohan.
- You know you a low on stars when you recruit someone from Entertainment Tonight to present, not that I have a problem with Maria Menonous, I just think they should be a law that she must always wear the dress she wore at the Oscars a couple years back.
- That Fall Out Boy just isn’t entertain without an appearance by the antler boy from the video. But I must admit of all the pseudo-punk bands that have replaced boy bands on the walls of Middle School girls in the last couple years, they suck the least.
- The best part of the show was actually a commercial for the upcoming show, Flavor of Love where Flavor Flav picks girls Bachelor style. This has to be good.
- The best dresriuption of Kelly Clarkson during the Big Music Artist, “She’s accessible like the girl who works at Subway kind of way but you don’t have to wash the samwich smell off of her.” Needless to say, I’d totally hit that.
- Of course the Big in 05 Awards ends with a performance by a band that hasn’t been big since 88. Um, yeah.
![Terror Alert Level: Guarded [BLUE]](https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhzCbHfExiuXqojow1zxkBUX6j-9BHg9IyrfzqR77jnja2Xq6dbv-7iiqMFzp_UKXGcUF9FyAHqCkNxa5uitXa5Xu2Q1OboN9-TLjsaeI1a2eoGLORU4vkTQ54l1C-_cZyn81QHyQ/s400/small_guarded.png)
on my Terror Alert Scale.
