The 100 Worst Songs of the 00's

1. London Bridge - Fergie

2. Lollipop - Lil' Wayne and Static Major

3. If U Seek Amy - Britney Spears

4. Stars Are Blind - Paris Hilton

5. Jenny from the Block - Jennifer Lopez featuring Styles P and Jadakiss

6. The Anthem - Good Charlotte

7. Cameltoe - Fannypack

8. I'm in Luv with a Stripper - T-Pain featuring Mike Jones

9. When I Grow Up - Pussycat Dolls

10. Gimme More - Britney Spears

11. A Bay Bay - Hurricane Chris

12. My Humps - Black Eyed Peas

13. This Is Why I’m Hot - Mims

14. Axel F - Crazy Frog

15. Fergalicious - Fergie

16. Liquid Dreams - O-Town

17. Crank That (Soulja Boy) - Soulja Boy Tell ‘Em

18. Laffy Taffy - D4L

19. Chain Hang Low - Jibbs

20. My Neck, My Back (Lick It) - Khia

21. Put it On Me - Ja Rule featuring Lil' Mo and Vita

22. Lip Gloss - Lil’ Mama

23. Confessions of a Broken Heart (Daughter to Father) - Lindsay Lohan

24. Get Low - Lil' Jon and the Eastside Boyz and Ying Yang Twins

25. I Know You Want Me (Calle Ocho) - Pitbull

26. Salt Shaker - Ying Yang Twins and Lil' John and the Eastside Boyz

27. Stanky Legg - GS Boyz

28. Blue (Da Be Dee) - Eiffel 65

29. Shots - LMFAO and Lil' John

30. Poker Face - Lady Gaga

31. You're a Jerk - New Boyz

32. Low - Flo Rida featuring T-Pain

33. She Hates Me - Puddle of Mudd

34. Boom Boom Pow - Black Eyed Peas

35. It’s Not Over - Daughtry

36. Just Dance - Lady Gaga and Colby O'Donis

37. Grills - Nelly featuring Paul Wall, Ali & Gipp

38. Right Round - Flo Rida featuring Ke$ha

39. Grace Kelly - Mika

40. Hollaback Girl - Gwen Stefani

41. It's Goin' Down - Yung Joc featuring Nitti

42. Pop - N*SYNC

43. Eat You Alive - Limp Bizkit

44. Home - Daughtry

45. Do I Make You Proud - Taylor Hicks

46. Word Up! - Korn

47. Clothes Off!!! - Gym Class Heroes featuring Patrick Stump

48. All the Above - Maino featuring T-Pain

49. I’m Not OK (I Promise) - My Chemical Romance

50. Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous - Good Charlotte

51. She Thinks My Tractor’s Sexy - Kenny Chesney

52. LoveGame - Lady Gaga

53. Party Like a Rock Star - Shop Boyz

54. I Write Sins Not Tragedies - Panic! at the Disco

55. 3 - Britney Spears

56. Big Girls Don’t Cry (Personal) - Fergie

57. My Way - Limp Bizkit

58. Kiss Me Thru the Phone - Soulja Boy Tell 'em and Sammy

59. American Life - Madonna

60. Behind Blue Eyes - Limp Bizkit

61. Ur So Gay - Katy Perry

62. Break Stuff - Limp Bizkit

63. 24's - T.I.

64. The Kill - 30 Seconds to Mars

65. Hot N Cold - Katy Perry

66. My Prerogative - Britney Spears

67. Lean Back - Terror Squad

68. I Kissed a Girl - Katy Perry

69. I Don’t Want to Be in Love (Dance Floor Anthem) - Good Charlotte

70. Not too Young, Not too Old - Aaron Carter featuring Nick Carter

71. Buy U a Drank (Shawty Snappin’) - T-Pain featuring Yung Joc

72. Wait (The Whisper Song) - Ying Yang Twins

73. Don’t Trust Me - 3OH!3

74. Ms. New Booty - Bubba Sparxxx featuring Mr. ColliPark and the Ying Yang Twins

75. Hotel Room Service - Pitbull

76. With Arms Wide Open - Creed

77. Bartender - T-Pain featuring Akon

78. Handlebars - Flobots

79. Something in Your Mouth - Nickelback

80. Right Now (Na Na Na) - Akon

81. Goodies - Ciara featuring Petey Pablo

82. I’m Real - Jennifer Lopez featuring Ja Rule

83. One Minute Man - Missy Elliot featuring Ludacris and Trina

84. Bodies - Downing Pool

85. My Sacrifice - Creed

86. U & Ur Hand - P!nk

87. My Love - Justin Timberlake featuring T.I.

88. Prom Queen - Lil' Wayne and Shanell

89. Ready, Set, Don't Go - Billy Ray Cyrus featuring Miley Cyrus

90. Turn My Swag On - Soulja Boy Tell ‘em

91. Love Don't Cost a Thing - Jennifer Lopez

92. L.O.V.E. - Ashlee Simpson

93. 1, 2 Step - Ciara featuring Missy Elliot

94. Shoulder Lean - Young Dro featuring T.I.

95. Get the Party Started - P!nk

96. Pimp Juice - Nelly

97. Right Thurr - Chingy

98. Womanizer - Britney Spears

99. Show Stopper - Danity Kane featuring Yung Joc

100. Save a Horse (Ride a Cowboy) - Big and Rich

The 40 Worst Songs of 2009

For better or worse 2009 was the year of Lady Gaga. Okay it is mostly the later because she is everything wrong with music today promoting style over substance. Lady Gaga is just Marilyn Manson with a sunnier disposition and much more hype (and a lot of hype it was, keep in mind even though people consider Lady Gaga the artist of 2009, Susan Boyle sold more albums in one month then Lady Gaga did in over a year). But with all the horrible music she put out this year, 2009 was so abundant of ear-splitting music, she only managed two of worst forty twice and couldn’t even crack the top ten. Here are the thirty-eight other songs besides the white noise Lady Gaga dispensed songs from the past twelve months that I would live a better life if I never hear again.

1. If U Seek Amy - Britney Spears

2. Kiss Me Thru the Phon - Soulja Boy Tell ‘em featuring Sammy

3. Boom Boom Pow - Black Eyed Peas

4. I'm a Celebrity… Get Me Out of Here Rap - Spencer Pratt

5. You're a Jerk - New Boyz

6. Right Now (Na Na Na) - Akon

7. Birthday Sex - Jeremih

8. All the Above - Maino featuring T-Pain

9. Turn My Swag On - Soulja Boy Tell ‘em

10. Stanky Legg - GS Boyz

11. LoveGame - Lady Gaga

12. Replay - Iyaz

13. Sugar - Flo Rider featuring Wynter

14. Don't Trust Me - 3OH!3

15. Fresh out the Oven - Jennifer Lopez featuring Pitbull

16. Dead and Gone - T.I. featuring Justin Timberlake

17. Take Your Shirt Off - T-Pain

18. I Gotta Feeling - Black Eyed Peas

19. Radar - Britney Spears

20. Right Round - Flo Rider

21. Shots - LMFAO and Lil' John

22. Hoedown Throwdown - Miley Cyrus

23. Whatcha Say - Jason Derula

24. Just Dance - Lady Gaga featuring Colby O’Donis

25. Love Sex Magic - Ciara featuring Justin Timberlake

26. I Hate This Part - Pussycat Dolls

27. Obsessed - Mariah Carey

28. Battlefield - Jordin Sparks

29. 3 - Britney Spears

30. Diva - Beyoncé

31. Beautiful - Akon featuring Colby O’Donis and Kardinal Offishial

32. Hush Hush; Hush Hush - The Pussycat Dolls

33. Hotel Room Service - Pitbull

34. Hot N Cold - Katy Perry

35. I Know You Want Me (Calle Ocho) - Pitbull

36. S.O.S. (Let the Music Play) - Jordin Sparks

37. Fire Burning - Sean Kingston

38. Circus - Britney Spears

39. No Surprise - Daughtry

40. Prom Queen – Lil’ Wayne

We on Award Tour: 2009 Grammy Awards

A fairly low key event this year at the Grammy’s missing the usual goosebumps moments the show is known for instead there were too many head scratching moments. Really, the big surprise of the night was Stevie Wonder performing with the Jonas Brothers. And if I am not mistaken, this was the first year they didn’t run the “Awards previously handed out earlier” segment instead opting for a “go to gammy.com” to see those. Granted I am too lazy to do so. Here are some other thoughts from the night:

- Even though they were not up for any award, U2 opens up the show. Hopefully Get on Your Boots isn’t a preview of what is to come on their new album as it is just a Vertigo retread. Then we get our first awkward moment of the night with Bono throwing to Whitney Houston.

- I know they were engaged, but it is hard not to start laughing seeing I Love New York castoff Punk next to Jennifer Hudson, who takes home worst dressed award (M.I.A. gets a pass on account that she is nine months pregnant).

- The biggest showdown in the night didn’t actually take place in any announced category, but between The Rock and Jay Mohr between for most uncomfortable dialogues.

- The Rock throws to the next awkward moment of the evening with Justin Timberlake rambling on about stalking Al Green or something. Granted this performance was rushed together after Rihanna canceled her performance early Sunday after she may or may not have been assaulted by Chris Brown.

- I was a little disappointed that Coldplay didn’t get served during their performance. I actually thought that was Jay-Z was doing before I recognized him. And is Coldplay winning a Grammy for Viva la Vida the musical equivalent of Barry Bonds being the home run king?

- Was that Lita Ford playing guitar for Carrie Underwood?

- Miley Cyrus should go back to lip-syncing Hanna Montana songs for ten year olds. Singing live just isn’t her strong suit.

- A little part of my soul died watching Stevie Wonder slumming it with the Jonas Brothers. And isn’t Superstition a little too heavy for the teens. Will they be performing Walk on the Wild Side with Lou Reed next year?

- Do we really need a Blink-182 reunion? Certainly their sophomoric rock was fine when you’re twenty-three, but not when you are thirty-three.

- Did I miss the point of My Grammy Moment? Wasn’t it to perform with someone on stage at the Grammy’s, not having your video played on a screen behind someone for about twenty seconds? And one of the Jonas Brothers looked a little too excited during the Katy Perry performance.

- And here is why CBS is the number one network and NBC will be battling The CW soon. During their big event last week, NBC only promoted one night of television, while CBS actually spread out all their shows including upcoming ones. Although if I am Vegas, I setting the Over/Under on Harper’s Island at 5 episodes. That just looks cheesy. And can I go ahead and predict the Bride does it.

- It may be time for a Kanye West intervention. It is never a good sign when you are starting to look and dress like Michael Jackson circa Off the Wall.

- Well at least the Adele / Sugarland wasn’t as bad as when the country band joined Beyoncé onstage for Irreplaceable.

- Why is USC the go to marching band? Certainly being in Los Angeles has something to do with it. But can’t someone give UCLA a little love?

- Shouldn’t T.I. be in jail by now? Since when do we let felons just wonder the country for a couple months before repaying their debt to society? To make maters worse, I have to sit through that horrible Justin Timberlake collaboration. That should add a couple more months to his sentence.

- Holy Neil Diamond sighting. But how do not get an all-star chorus to sing a drunken backup like has happen in every bar for the past thirty years? That could have been the highlight of the show.

- I would like to make it known I am completely against doubling and tripling up the tribute portion of the program.

- And the least surprising part of the night was the Robert Plant & Alison Krauss sweep. And that is your 2009 Grammy’s. Yay.

I Want My Music Television vol. XL

There have been a couple of videos that have caught my eye lately so I though I’d give them some love since the death of Musical Television left a void for a forum on the art form so here they are courtesy of YouTube. I advise you to watch them before you read my reviews if you don’t want me to spoil things. If you are interested in buying the video through iTunes, click the title link (where available, if not the link goes to YouTube where you can watch the video in full screen). If you are interested in buying the song, look for a link in the analysis.


I Believe in Father Christmas - U2



Christmas just doesn’t feel like Christmas until I have Bono tell me, “Well thank God tonight it’s them instead of you.” Much like Do They Know its Christmas, proceeds to this song goes to a good cause as it is part of the new (Red)Wire music service where you get exclusic music with the money going to buy medicine for people in need.


My Lucky Day - Bruce Springsteen



Remember the days when new music videos were such an event that Michael Jackson’s Black or White was simulcast on Fox, MTV, VH1, and BET? To put in perspective how far the music industry has fallen, the latest Bruce Springsteen video debuted this on Amazon.com. Oh, and if this is any indication, music is gonna suck under an Obama administration. Huckabee 2012!


Listen Up - EPMD and Teddy Riley



It took me a while to figure out this wasn’t a long lost video from the nineties. EPMD featuring Teddy Riley with Max Headroom-quality graphics and references to Andre Rison and Jim Carey. Really if it weren’t for the E-Bama mention I probably would have continued to think that.


Mixed Up S.O.B. - Presidents of the United States of America



The Presidents of the United States of America is one of those bands you feel bad for because they should be remembered as a One Hit Wonders but actually scored a second hit and sadly VH1 doesn’t run Two Hit Wonders specials. But on the bright side one of those two hits was actually parodied by “Weird Al” Yankovic who coincidentally directed their latest video. Speaking of Al, he has finally discover he can release songs as singles on iTunes right after writing them instead of waiting to have enough to fill an album. So if you haven’t already checked out his version of T.I.’s Whatever You Like do so ASAP. Now if you excuss me, I am going to move to the country and eat me some peaches.

Worst Songs of 2006

It’s no secret that the Top 40 radio is dieing off thanks to shrinking playlists and more specialized stations. So in honor of that I present to you the 40 Worst Songs of 2006. And you know you have compiled a list of some crappy songs when Kevin Federline doesn’t crack the Top 10. It’s disturbing how many of the “artist” on this list come from reality television (for those keeping track at home, fifteen songs were from reality stars which beats out songs that “feature” by one) showing that record executives are too lazy to find nor market good artists. And not surprisingly the same artists that topped the Worst Albums of the Year list do the same here taking up three of the worst three songs of the year. Download these songs from iTunes at your own risk and feel free to let me know what songs of the past year that you dislike in the comment section:


1. Nothing In This World - Paris Hilton
2. About Us - Brooke Hogan featuring Paul Wall
3. London Bridge - Fergie
4. Stars Are Blind - Paris Hilton
5. Wind it Up - Gwen Stefani
6. I'm N Luv (Wit a Stripper) - T-Pain featuring Mike Jones
7. My Love - Justin Timberlake featuring T.I.
8. I Write Sins Not Tragedies - Panic! at the Disco
9. Fergalicious - Fergie
10. Welcome to the Black Parade - My Chemical Romance
11. U & Ur Hand - Pink
12. Show Stopper - Danity Kane
13. Lose Control - Kevin Federline
14. Lips of an Angel - Hinder
15. Come to Me - Diddy featuring Nicole Scherzinger
16. Do I Make You Proud - Taylor Hicks
17. Stupid Girl - Pink
18. The Real Thing - Bo Bice
19. Invisible - Ashlee Simpson
20. Goodbye My Lover - James Blunt
21. Ms. New Booty - Bubba Sparxxx featuring Mr. ColliPark & Ying Yang Twins
22. The Kill - 20 Seconds to Mars
23. Shoulder Lean - Young Dro featuring T.I.
24. Hood Boy - Fantasia featuring Big Boi
25. Control Myself - LL Cool J featuring Jennifer Lopez
26. Chain Hang Low - Jibbs
27. Let U Go - Ashley Parker Angel
28. It's Goin’ Down - Yung Joc featuring Nitti
29. Land of Confusion - Disturbed
30. Lean Wit It, Rock Wit It - Dem Franchize Boyz featuring Peenut & Charlay
31. SexyBack - Justin Timberlake featuring Timbaland
32. Maneater - Nelly Furtado
33. Hate Me - Blue October
34. What's Left of Me - Nick Lachey
35. I Belong to Me - Jessica Simpson
36. Sideline Ho - Monica
37. Unpredictable - Jamie Foxx featuring Ludacris
38. So Excited - Janet Jackson featuring Khia
39. Hanging On - Cheyenne Kimball
40. Buttons - Pussycat Dolls featuring Big Snoop Dogg

Go ‘Head Be Gone with It

In a measure of full discloser, for the age ol’ debate of who from the boy band era sucked the least, I would always side with the Backstreet Boys. When it came down to, they were the better group to do karaoke to, and don’t try to tell me you and you’re boys never did a sing I Want it That Way at sometime in a drunken stupor. With that said, I won’t let bias taint my review of former the former *NSync member not currently making out with dude (well at least not in public), Justin Timberlake and his second solo outing FutureSex/LoveSounds.

The album starts out with the title track; well actually it is a little different as the song is entitled FutureSex/LoveSound because apparently the song just has a singular “sound” while the album as a whole has “sounds.” You’re a tricky one Justin Timberlake. The song plays almost like an intro that sets the mood with Timbaland futuristic beats that almost drown out the vocals that just repeat themselves anyways. Granted this intro drags on for almost four minutes, so the mood that is set isn’t a good one. The trend of futuristic beats follow for the next few songs making me feel like I’m in a techno club, but I haven’t taken the required mild altering drugs to make the music bearable.

Then about halfway through the album, the beats slow down and the song become more tolerable starting with the I Think She Knows (Interlude). It’s never a good sign when an interlude is one of the better songs on the album. This is actually attached to Love Stoned and in lies a major a major problem with the album, besides of course the music itself. A bunch of the songs blend into each other on the official track listing. To put it better there are sixteen different songs but there are only twelve tracks (if you are confused, check out iTunes or Amazon and it should make more sense).

Back to the music, once the tolerable arrives, it leaves just as quickly with the arrival of Oscar winners Three 6 Mafia. After hearing this song I have a better understanding why Crunchy Black left group (okay, I really have no clue why Crunchy Black left the group, or who Crunchy Black is, but I make it my mission to reference Crunchy Black as much as possible because it’s my new favorite name). And in his pitch to become the least credible rapper ever (which will be hard considering Nelly and Kevin Federline are still out there) the Antoine Merriwether look-a-like T.I. makes an appearance on My Love. Surprisingly his rap isn’t the most annoying part of the song as the intro could easily cause seizers and I would recommend pregnant women not listen to it. Then the once creditable Will.i.am shows up on Damn Girl (and the obscenity only get worse on the album as shown by the Parental Advisory sticker).

Then after fifty minutes of over-sexual music over headache inducing techno beats, TJ decides to make a social statement where he talks about how messed up things are in the world today on Until the End of Time. Ah, but wait, it’s all a rouse because he was using the end in near trick to bed some chick. Classy. And Prince better contact his lawyers because the song blatantly steals from The Beautiful Ones. On the next track Losing My Way, Timberlake makes a social commentary on crack but comes across as pretentious especially after saying, “I’m tired of trying to save the world” in the previous song. Then the song goes into almost parody mode when he brings in the church choir to close the song. I can just imagine JT in the studio thinking, “hey let’s bring in a church choir like on Man in the Mirror.” And we all know what happened to the dude who sang that song.

The album surprisingly ends with an actual song that doesn’t suck. Not surprising that (Another Song) All Over Again is the lone song produced by Rick Rubin who has worked on iconic albums like early Run-DMC ones and Johnny Cash’s American Recordings. The slow song recalls Memphis soul albums from the seventies to much effect. Now if Timberlake would recruit Rubin for his next album, make more songs like the closing track, and stop making inane goals like trying to bring SexyBack, that album may be worth listening to. And to that point, I don’t know why anyone would want to bring SexyBack because as a wise man once said, “It’s hip to be square.”

Song to Download - (Another Song) All Over Again

FutureSex/LoveSounds gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.

We on Award Tour - 2006 MTV Video Music Awards Nominations

A day before their twenty-fifth birthday, which I’m sure they will celebrate with a marathon of The Hills rather than break out Thriller one more time, MTV has announced it’s nominations for its annual Video Music Awards. For most of its existence, the award show was ground breaking and even influenced older one. But lately it has just been a forum for artists to hype their latest endeavors. But with all the complaints, I’ll surely be turning in this year much like I have since I first got cable.

Even though the nominees were announced today, there is still no word on a host yet. You’d think after the debacle two years ago where they were host-less, they wouldn’t let that happen again even if that meant bringing in the unfunny Jimmy Fallon one more time. And after the poor performance the extremely boring Diddy last year that they would throw all their money in the budget at Chris Rock for one more go around. But some performers have already been confirm with Justin Timberlake who may or may not have the first dude on dude kiss in VMA history with former boy bander Lance Bass. Oh wait; Ben Affleck and Kevin Smith already did that, never mind then. Also scheduled are The Killers, Beyoncé, Ludacris, T.I., and five time nominee Panic! at the Disco, you know, that band with that horrible song and cheesy Ringling Brothers in a church video, they got more nominations than everyone but Shakira and the Red Hot Chili Peppers. And there wasn’t even a new category for band that best ripped off Fall Out Boy’s sound. The Raconteurs will provide the soundtrack for the event, not that I have a clue what that means, are they the house band or something?

In an odd change in VMA format, you actually have a chance to vote this year. This was put near the end of the press release from MTV with little explanation. So I’m not sure if the fans have total control or if we get one vote total. Either way, I this is a bad idea to end all bad ideas because as a wise man once said, “The world is full a stupid people.” So the winner won’t be the ones that deserve it rather those who have fans with absolutely no lives who have nothing better to do than sit on the internet and vote all day. But if you would like to vote, head over to the MTV website. Now on to the nominations for the awards that will be handed out August 31 (if you are interested in buying the video, click the song name where available in iTunes, if you just want the song, click the artist's name):


Video of the Year
Christina Aguilera: Ain't No Other Man
Madonna: Hung Up
Panic! at the Disco: I Write Sins Not Tragedies
Red Hot Chili Peppers: Dani California
Shakira f/ Wyclef Jean: Hips Don't Lie

Who Will Win: Dani California
Who Should Win: Hips Don’t Lie
Should Have Been Nominated: Gnarls Barkley: Crazy

I already stressed my dislike for Panic! and another head scratcher is Madonna. How does a chick on the wrong side of forty in a leotard get a Video of the Year nomination? And it wasn’t even a down year as Crazy, Gold Digger, Wake Me up When September Ends, Doesn’t Remind Me by Audioslave could have been in here.


Best Male Video
Busta Rhymes f/ Mary J. Blige, Rah Digga, Missy Elliott, Lloyd Banks, Papoose & DMX: Touch It (Remix)
James Blunt: You're Beautiful
Kanye West f/ Jamie Foxx: Gold Digger
Nick Lachey: What's Left of Me
T.I.: What You Know

Who Will Win: Kanye West
Who Should Win: Kanye West
Should Have Been Nominated: Jack Johnson: Upside Down

A poor category, they didn’t even nominate the right Busta Rhymes video (should have been My Chick). Then throw out the two wusses and the Antoine Merriwether look alike, and the only worthy video here is Kanye.


Best Female Video
Christina Aguilera: Ain't No Other Man
Kelly Clarkson: Because of You
Madonna: Hung Up
Nelly Furtado f/ Timbaland: Promiscuous
Shakira f/ Wyclef Jean: Hips Don't Lie

Who Will Win: Ain’t No Other Man
Who Should Win: Hips Don’t Lie
Should Have Been Nominated: Fiona Apple: Not About Love

Again with the old chick in the leotard, but she doesn’t have chance anyways. Nice to see two dudes in the Best Female Category like in previous years. Clarkson’s daddy issues video and is too depressing to win (Walk Away should have been here instead), so between the two hot chicks and the drag queen I’ll go with the best hip shaker to win (although the drag queen will win).


Best Group Video
The All-American Rejects: Move Along
Fall Out Boy: Dance, Dance
Gnarls Barkley: Crazy
Panic! at the Disco: I Write Sins Not Tragedies
Red Hot Chili Peppers: Dani California

Who Will Win: Dani California
Who Should Win: Crazy
Should Have Been Nominated: Death Cab for Cutie: Soul Meets Body

Death Cab for Cutie released two great videos in the past year yet neither got any love, except from me. I’m convinced that Panic! and Fall Out Boy are actually the same band so they cancel each other out so I think muck like the old guard Green Day were the big winner last year, the Red Hot Chili Pepper will get it this year.


Best Rap Video
50 Cent: Window Shopper
Busta Rhymes f/ Mary J. Blige, Rah Digga, Missy Elliott, Lloyd Banks, Papoose & DMX: Touch It (Remix)
Chamillionaire: Ridin'
T.I.: What You Know
Yung Joc f/ Nitty: It's Goin' Down

Who Will Win: What You Know
Who Should Win: Nothing

First off, there’s a rapper named Nitty? If you are on a song with some dude named Young Joc and you have the wussier name, that’s not a good sign. But anyways. It’s been five years since they introduced the Best Hip-Hop Video award but I still have no idea what the difference between these two awards yet. None of these videos or songs are any good so like my mom told me, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything.” So I’ll just go to the next category.


Best R&B Video
Beyoncé f/ Slim Thug: Check on It
Chris Brown: Yo (Excuse Me Miss)
Jamie Foxx f/ Ludacris: Unpredictable
Mariah Carey: Shake It Off
Mary J. Blige: Be Without You

Who Will Win: Check on It
Who Should Win: Be Without You
Should Have Been Nominated: Prince: Black Sweet

Another pretty sad category with only Mary J. the only thing worth watching here. Remember the good old days when there weren’t any rappers in R&B videos? No? Well it has been a long time.


Best Hip-Hop Video
Black Eyed Peas: My Humps
Common: Testify
Daddy Yankee: Rompe
Kanye West f/ Jamie Foxx: Gold Digger
Three 6 Mafia: Stay Fly

Who Will Win: Gold Digger
Who Should Win: Testify
Should Have Been Nominated: Heard ‘em Say: Kanye West &Adam Levine

Um, the Black Eyed Peas are considered hip-hop? Yeah, okay. Kanye will run away with this award anyways, but Testify had a much more entertaining storyline with actual actors, not just eye candy. In all actuality though, Kanye could have been nominated three times over here.


Best Dance Video
Madonna: Hung Up
Nelly Furtado f/ Timbaland: Promiscuous
Pussycat Dolls f/ Snoop Dogg: Buttons
Sean Paul: Temperature
Shakira f/ Wyclef Jean: Hips Don't Lie

Who Will Win: Hips Don’t Lie
Who Should Win: Temperature

Two of the video don’t even want to make me dance (Madonna, Pussycat Dolls) and it’s odd that the other ones were all featured in a cell phone commercial (good marketing ploy though because I can’t remember which one) so I’d give this to Sean Paul solely because of the bowling dude in his ad.


Best Rock Video
30 Seconds to Mars: The Kill
AFI: Miss Murder
Green Day: Wake Me up When September Ends
Panic! at the Disco: I Write Sins Not Tragedies
Red Hot Chili Peppers: Dani California

Who Will Win: Dani California
Who Should Win: Wake Me up When September Ends
Should Have Been Nominated: Pearl Jam: Life Wasted

Holy Jared Leto sighting! How did he sneak in here? Looking at these nominations, it looks like rock is truly dead. Where’s Pearl Jam, U2 or Snow Patrol? Seriously, will anyone care about Leto, AFI or Panic! in a year or two? Well at least there was no Nickelback.


Best Pop Video
Christina Aguilera: Ain't No Other Man
Madonna: Hung Up
Nelly Furtado f/ Timbaland: Promiscuous
Pink: Stupid Girls
Shakira f/ Wyclef Jean: Hips Don't Lie

Who Will Win: Hips Don’t Lie
Who Should Win: Hips Don’t Lie

Wait, isn’t this the same as the Best Female Video? Although why switch in Pink for Kelly Clarkson?


Best New Artist in a Video
Angels and Airwaves: The Adventure
Avenged Sevenfold: Bat Country
Chris Brown f/ Juelz Santana, Run It!
James Blunt: You're Beautiful
Panic! at the Disco: I Write Sins Not Tragedies
Rihanna: S.O.S.

Who Will Win: S.O.S.
Who Should Win: None
Should Have Been Nominated: Crazy

S.O.S. is the best video here, but I swear Rihanna was nominated in this category last year, so I refuse to put my support behind it. The rest of the nominees are all contenders for making my Worst Songs of 2006 list.


Viewer’s Choice
Chris Brown f/ Juelz Santana: Run It!
Fall Out Boy: Dance, Dance
Kelly Clarkson: Because of You
Rihanna: S.O.S.
Shakira f/ Wyclef Jean: Hips Don't Lie

Who Will Win: Dance, Dance
Who Should Win: Hips Don’t Lie
Should Have Been Nominated: Crazy

Again, this award typically goes to the artists whose fans are the biggest losers, so naturally Fall Out Boy will win. Oddly, the only category you cannot vote on as I write this is this one. All in all, this viewer chooses Gnarls Barkley as the best video of the past year. And not that I miss it, but what happened to the MTV2 award?


Best Direction in a Video
10 Years: Wasteland (Director: Christopher Sims)
AFI: Miss Murder (Director: Marc Webb)
Common: Testify (Director: Anthony Mandler)
Gnarls Barkley: Crazy (Director: Robert Hales)
Red Hot Chili Peppers: Dani California (Director: Tony Kaye)

Who Will Win: Dani California
Who Should Win: Testify

Testify could win a short film award, it’s that good. But in a measure of full discloser, I’ve never heard of 10 Years, let alone seen their video.


Best Choreography in a Video
Christina Aguilera: Ain't No Other Man
Madonna: Hung Up
Pussycat Dolls f/ Snoop Dogg: Buttons
Sean Paul: Temperature
Shakira f/ Wyclef Jean: Hips Don't Lie

Who Will Win: Hung Up
Who Should Win: Hips Don’t Lie

Déjà vu all over again as these videos were all nominated in the Best Dance Video category too. I’m sure Madonna will get one of these awards just to get her to show up and more out with more video hofessionals bevause that was that last time anyone actually talked about the VMA’s aside from how bad they were.


Best Special Effects in a Video
Angels and Airwaves: The Adventure
Beck: Hell Yes
Missy Elliott: We Run This
Pearl Jam: Life Wasted
U2: Original of the Species

Who Will Win: Life Wasted
Who Should Win: Original of the Species
Should Have Been Nominated: Crazy

A hard one between U2, Pearl Jam and Beck (which I though was last year though), but how was the Rorschach inspired Crazy not get a nod?


Best Art Direction in a Video
10 Years: Wasteland
Common: Testify
Panic! at the Disco: I Write Sins Not Tragedies
Red Hot Chili Peppers: Dani California
Shakira f/ Wyclef Jean: Hips Don't Lie

I think I’ll just end the commentary here because I don’t really care about the technical awards and I didn’t play any of the video games, but again, the awards will be handed out on August 31.


Best Editing in a Video
The All-American: Move Along
Angels and Airwaves: The Adventure
Gnarls Barkley: Crazy
Red Hot Chili Peppers: Dani California
U2: Original of the Species


Best Cinematography in a Video
AFI: Miss Murder
Ashlee Simpson: Invisible
James Blunt: You're Beautiful
Red Hot Chili Peppers: Dani California
Prince: Black Sweat

Okay one more comment: seriously, Ashlee Simpson?


Best Video Game Soundtrack
Final Night Round 3 (Electronic Arts)
Burnout Revenge (Electronic Arts)
NBA 2K6 (2K Games)
Driver: Parallel Lines (Atari)
Mark Ecko's Getting Up (Atari)


Best Video Game Score
Hitman: Blood Money (Jesper Kyd)
Ghost Recon: Advanced Warfighter (Tom Salta)
Dreamfall: The Longest Journey (Even Magnet Johansen)
Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion (Jeremy Soule)
Electroplankton (User Generated Soundtrack)