The Nine Most Anticipated Events of 2019

9. Shaft (June 14): Shaft is one of our greatest cinematic heroes and it is a shame that we have only gotten one Shaft film in the last fourth-second year. They are finally dusting off the baddest mother… (I better shut my mouth)  in a third reboot, this time with the son of the Sam Jackson Shaft and grandnephew of the Richard Roundtree original. And that is really all I know and really all I need to know.

8. Maggie Rogers – Heard it in a Past Life (January 18): Alaska was one of those songs that reignite your faith in music. It was something new but also feels old and timeless at the same time. Every song she has released since has been at the very least good (netting three songs of each of my last two best songs of the year lists) and Maggie Rogers is finally releasing her full length debut this year.


7. Wu-Tang: An American Saga (TBA): Netflix may have a massive every expanding library of original content, but I would much rather pay for Hulu because they ordered straight to series a show based on the origins of the Wu-Tang Clan. And this is not even the most anticipated Hulu show this year.

6. Captain Marvel (March 8): I have been a Brie Larson supporter going back to the days she was making crappy Avril Lagine knock-offs. Okay, it was her turn as Envy Adams in Scott Pilgrim vs. the World where I realized she could make it as an actress (what forking murderer’s row of actresses that movie launched: Mary Elizabeth Winstead, Ellen Wong, Anna Kendrick, and Aubrey Plaza). Half a decade later she was winning an Oscar. And now she is playing the strongest Avenger in the Marvel Universe who will get her own movie before (likely) taking down Thanos a month later. Ironically DC’s Captain Marvel (who now goes by Shazam) gets his movie in April. So we will get three Captain Marvel movies in seven weeks. And that does not even include the six other superhero movies this year and five new superhero television shows this year (and that does not include the Disney+ shows that may or may not launch this year).


5. Kingdom Hearts 3 (January 29): I joke whenever I do my music round up lists that maybe this is the year we get to hear Dr. Dre’s Detox. And before that I joked about the Chinese Democracy release. But the music industry is nothing compared to video game delays which are very frequent and sometimes very long. The second Kingdom Hearts came out in 2005 (just three years after the first). But fourteen years later, the Final Fantasy / Disney mash up is finally getting released. New areas include Kingdom of Corona (based on Tangled), San Fransokyo (Big Hero 6), Toy Box (Toy Story), Monstropolis (Monsters, Inc.), and Arendelle (Frozen).


4. Zombieland Too (October 11): Zombies have completely dominated this decade with The Walking Dead launching in 2010 and just way to many zombie themed movies and shows to count at this point. But there was one movie that predated the current trend: Zombieland. A wacky look at the zombie apocalypse with maybe the greatest cameo ever in the history of cinema. Such a great concept that it was one of Amazon’s first attempt at a scripted series. But the pilot was killed online so hard it did not get picked up to series. The big problem is they recast everyone instead of created new characters. Well that original cast is back and there is no movie I am more excited about.

3. Women’s World Cup (June 7-July 7): The greatest women soccer players are heading to France this year and the United States are not the slam dunk they have been in the past. The home squad will be tough and Germany and England will not have far to travel. Of course first up is the Knockout Round of which the US may have the easiest draw.

2. Game of Thrones (April, HBO): I finally caught up on the show last summer and now I am completely ready for the final season of the show. Very few things live up to the hype, but Game of Thrones is as good as people say it is. But I am a bit wary of the final season because of how uneven the last sixth season was. I have noticed a trend when shows based on books run out of written material as the Handmaid’s Tale second season was a bit of a disappointment too But c’mon how bad can a shoe with a forking ice dragon be?


1. Veronica Mars (Summer, Hulu): It feels like a lot of things coming this year got incepted from my brain: a Wu-Tang show, Brie Larson: Superhero, another Zombieland, and I did not even have room for the Deadwood movie. But there is one event that tops them all. This was almost like a fever dream, seeing this on Deadline and reading it a couple times to make sure I was reading it correctly. Wait, a Veronica Mars reboot? And it is going to be on Hulu. Oh hey, I have Hulu. The show was one of the most perfectly crafted shows ever about a spunky teenager who solves crime, but it is significantly better than that logline. The Kickstarter movie was fine in a fan service-y kind of way of having to cram in all the characters we loved. Creator Rob Thomas says the new show will be darker. But we will see some familiar faces like Dick Casablancas and Deputy Leo. Oh and Kareem Abdul Jabbar is a staff writer on the show. Seriously. For those that missed the show the first time around, or just want to watch again, all three seasons and the movie will be on Hulu this summer.

Previewing House of Lies: Season Three

Season two of House of Lies was all about Marty maneuvering so he could start his own firm and bringing his pod along with him. Except by the time the season ended, Doug decided to stay behind at Galweather Stone, feeling betrayed, Clyde jumped ship to work under Monica at Kinsley Johnson. Jennie was already to make the move, but after she professed her love for Marty, he blew her off and their last interaction was Jennie telling Marty she never wants to talk to him again. So it was up in the air just where she would end up.

So at the start of season three, Marty’s former pod resides at three different agencies (no, Jennie does not end up a fourth unknown firm). None of the four main characters seem that happy in their new surrounding or old jobs with new co-workers. Clyde really did not think through jumping ship to work with Monica or just did not believe she could be as crazy as Marty makes her out to be, but he, and the audience, quickly sees just how evil she is in her natural habitat.

Since the four former pod members are now in three different pod, there are plenty of new faces on the show (for those that need the math done for them, that is seven new pod-mates not including Monica), the females of which are much more interesting (though most of the guys seem to be intentionally dull). The one in Clyde’s pod may be as crazy as Monica but in a different way. The newly married Doug may hilariously be overselling his new pod member’s unattractiveness. And the new girl at Marty’s firm just ranks very high on the likeability scale.

There are some familiar faces outside the new pods. Daniel Stern (who has to get nice royalty checks this time of the year after all the December airings of A Christmas Story and Home Alone), Drew Carey’s cross-dressing brother pops up as a new rival to Jennie who also has a run in with former (and future) co-star Ryan Hansen in a scene that doubtful be reenacted by Dick and Ronnie in the upcoming Veronica Mars movie. Ryan even gets in a discussion about pitchers and catchers that he had during Veronica Mars. And if that is enough Veronica Mars for you, there is a very obscure reference to the show in the season premiere where Don Cheadle has a conversion that Ronnie had word for word back in the season two premiere of Veronica Mars. It seems like the writers of House of Lies re-watched Kristen’s previous series to get ready for the movie. Whatever the reason, House of Lies, after a rough first two seasons, seems to be hitting its stride in the start of the third.

House of Lies airs Sundays at 10:00 on Showtime. For those that cannot wait four days until the premiere, you can watch the season three premiere below to she just where Jennie ends up and if you can catch the Veronica Mars reference. House of Lies will be followed by the third season of Episodes of which you can watch the premiere of here.

57 Channels and Only This Is On: 7/14/13

Falling Skies: So Hal was the mole? I still do not buy it (and the promo monkeys would seem to agree with me). I still find Gloria Rubin the most likely culprit although the bigger question to me is does the mole have a bug in their ear or are they doing this under their un volition?
You can download Falling Skies on iTunes.

Switched at Birth: It was only a matter of time before the show did an alternative timeline episode but I am a little surprised this was the route the writers took with the new timeline starting if Regina told the Kennish’s about the switch as soon as she figured it out. I assumed we would get a what if the girls were never switched to begin with timeline. Instead we get a Jon fever dream of a worse case scenario where everyone is much worse off had the switch happened earlier (what does it say about Jon that he killed off Regina). I kind of laughed when the end of the dream, Jon ended up dying because Regina was not there to give him CPR and is now glad that she is around all of the sudden. It is a little absurd.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Switched at Birth on iTunes.

Defiance: Since it premiered during the end of the spring season, I was behind on the show from the start and finally got caught up in time for the finale. Kind of a middling season at best. It is weird they killed off the main antagonist a couple episodes before the finale and never really replaced her (unless the white dude is supposed to be the main villain but I always found him more of an annoyance that scary). I am also not a fan of shows that leaves everyone in the cast in peril at the end of the season (Smallville was always the worst at this), and the only way they can make it worse is if everything is back to normal by the second episode (which was always the case on Smallville). I will not be surprised if the hooker turns up alive next season or the white people end up not being exiled. Hopefully the video game is better. Not that I will be playing it.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Defiance on iTunes.

Under the Dome: So the one kid is telling everyone he is living alone? Um, is he ever going to notice that his sister is missing? By my count she has not been home for two days, it is about time he starts noticing her absence.
You can stream Under the Dome exclusively on Amazon Instant Video, free for Prime members.

Siberia: I was going to complain at how stupid some of these characters are like the computer nerd going into the forest to see how that one dude died violently or trying to hide bullets under your mattress. But this is supposed to be a reality show, and there are plenty of stupid people who populate these type of shows to the extent that I made a list of the 25 Dumbest Survivor Contestants Ever and that list is not even five years old and I could easily already expand it to 50.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Siberia on iTunes.

Pretty Little Liars: Oh Hanna, you really need to leave the thinking up to someone else because you are no criminal mastermind. You really should have just stayed home and had more Melrose Place flashbacks (sure it was a different character but I am sure that is what they were going for). And should I have recognized who the den mother in the picture from the end of the episode was?
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Pretty Little Liars on iTunes.

Perception: Apparently I am not the only person watching Brain Games because that unintentional blindness as the basis of an episode earlier this year (where they managed to have a cheerleader strip in front of me without me even noticing). But the ended was such a stretched I could not help think of the South Park episode where the one dude had sex with chickens as a way to get people to read.
You can download Perception on iTunes.

The Bridge: The show is as good as I expect coming from FX, but much like the last show they launched, The Americans, it is just missing something to make it great. Most notably being that I am completely worn out on television characters that fall somewhere on the autism spectrum. I had to roll my eyes when Diane Kruger had her first moment of social awkwardness. I also do not like it when it has random characters that are seemingly unrelated storylines that end up intersecting much later in the show. After one episode, I already do not care about Annabeth Gish or the creepy kidnapper. Hopefully the show finds its footing and soon.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download The Bridge on iTunes.

The Challenge: Rivals II: I thought the inception of Redemption Island to bring back Boston rob and Russell Hantz was the dumbest way to pair off any two reality contestants, but Johnny and Frank’s Twitter war just beat that. If the show really wanted to bring back those two, they should have paired CT with his backpack Johnny (which was the greatest moment ever in The Challenge history) and had Frank team up with the gay porn star from last season (and as a bonus, that would have meant no Wes this season). And there are a lot of boring people on this season, they could have eliminated both teams in The Jungle and I would not have mind. Really all the rookies are worthless up to this point. They really need to step their game up. And I have absolutely no clue who Zach’s partner is and I watched that season. Hopefully things get more interesting from here. Otherwise it might be time for another Fresh Meat season.
You can download The Challenge: Rivals II on iTunes.

The Hero: Wow, those eliminations were really lame. C’mon, you got to add some pomp and circumstance to them. Have them in the war room with The Rock there to ask questions before the decision. Just having a dude come back, say "Shawn", and be done with it is a little lame. I was really hoping Patty would have been eliminated second because you have to take the money. It is not being a hero to pass up $30,000 and get tear gassed for it, that is stupid plain and simple.
You can download The Hero on iTunes.

Hollywood Game Night: Darn you Kristen Bell, making me turn into this crap. Alright, it turned out not to be completely horrible. It reminded me of all those cheesy game shows I grew up on. The different being those were only a half hour and this would benefit from chopping it in half. If they did that, this show could be a good fill in whenever their new sitcoms inevitably fail this fall.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu.

57 Channels and Only This Is On: 6/8/13

Quote of the Week: Sometimes all we can do is watch. (Dr. Bedelia Du Maurier, Hannibal)

Song of the Week: Harper Valley P.T.A. – Jeannie C. Riley (Mad Men)

Scene of the Week:


Big News of the Week: I Watched the CMT Awards Again This Year: Kristen Bell has gotten me to watch some horrible crap like Heroes, Pulse, Burlesque, but the worse of them all was the Country Music Television Awards last year. I audibly groaned when it was announced she would host again this year, but something surprising happened this year, it was actually enjoyable. For some reason Lenny Kravitz of all people kicked off the show, the opening skit was funny, some random country band did a solid version of The Chain originally by Fleetwood Mac (when a guitarist was raiding out of the floor, I thought, oh goodness, they really got Lindsey Buckingham to do the solo, unfortunately it turned ou just to be Keith Urban), Kristen sang Human league, the was the completely random presenting team of Ed Sheeran and Lisa Marie Pressley, the dude from Nashville got to present with a chick in a see-thru dress (and humorously tried not to get caught on camera peaking at her), and the performances were by artists I actually like: Kacey Musgraves, Miranda Lambert, the dude from Hootie & The Blowfish, Taylor Swift and Carrie Underwood. There was even a couple good unintentional funny segments with Cassadee Pope (she sings two country songs on The Voice and apparently she is country now) and her hyping Twitter. Is 100,000 tweets over the course of a three hour telecast really that impressive? But this year's CMT Awards was better than any Video Music Awards show from the past decade. Which I guess really does not say much.

Preview Picture of the Week:

Mother and Child Divided, Switched at Birth Monday at 8:00 on ABC Family

Mad Men: After about four episodes, we finally get a name: Sterling Cooper and Partners. And who would have guessed that Pete would be the only one to sniff out the “and Partners” alternative motives. I thought when Pete went to creative after the meeting he was going to try and steal Ginsberg and start his own agency. But I wonder if we are in for a repeat of season three where Sterling Cooper Draper and Pryce move in the middle of the night and start a new agency after a hostile takeover from the British with the dude from Veronica Mars taking over for the dude from The Nanny. And I am a bit disappointed that Jane’s cousin was the token person from the agency’s past that was at the Hollywood party and not the new Star Trek writer Paul Kinsey.
You can download Mad Men on iTunes.

The Voice: Ever since Caroline Glaser was speciously voted off, I swore off this season, but every Monday I still log onto iTunes to see what the contestants were singing to see if I should have a change of heart, but never do. This Monday was actually worse, not only is two-thirds of the singers left bland country artists, but the two non-country artists performed songs by country artists. And then I saw Amber Carrington would be singing I Remember You. Wait, what? The Skid Row song? That was not enough to get me to turn in but I definitely checked out the video the next day her country-fied version of the classic power ballad (which was number 80 on my list of The Greatest Power Ballads of All Time) was as awesomely bad as I expected.


You can stream recent episodes on Hulu.

Hannibal: The puzzle of the first season is coming along nicely. There was a great dichotomy of Dr. Chilton being accused of planting the idea of Dr. Gideon being the Ripper in his patient’s mind when Dr. Lecter has been pulling Will’s strings this season. Will and to an extent Dr. Gideon thought that the Ripper would kill Gideon, but Gideon is beneath Hannibal, he just had Will do it for him. Brilliant. I assume that within the final two episodes, Will will start realizing what Hannibal is doing.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Hannibal on iTunes.


Free Download of the Week: Family Reunion – Wu-Tang Clan (Band Camp): The Wu is back to make you go boom boom like you’re Super Cat. The new song features verses from Masta Killer, Method Man, and Ghostface Killah and samples The O’Jay’s song of the same name. You can get the song for free, it is a name your own price so you can pay for it if you like. But if you know you are going to buy the album when it comes out, you can get the song now for free and not get charged later when you grab the full album later this summer.

Deal of the Week: Albums as Low as $2.99: Get deeply discounted album from Fleetwood Mac, Jessie Ware, Stone Temple Pilots, and the Very Best of Prince.


New Album Release of the Week: Damage - Jimmy Eat World

New DVD Release of the Week: The Newsroom: The Complete First Season

Video of the Week: While watching the trailer for Getaway, you can almost hear the pitch meeting:

Executive 1: We need to find a way to capitalize on the success of the Taken franchise.
Executive 2: How about we combine it with Fast & Furious and make the lead a race car driver.
Executive 1: Great, except all we can get for the Liam Neeson role is Ethan Hawke, he will need someone to help bring people to the theater, preferably the younger demographic.
Executive 2: How about one of the Disney girls who are trying to shed their goodie-goodie image and make her a carjacker who, for some silly reason, has to stay in the car.
Executive 1: Great, let’s get a screenwriter on this.

And of course the twist at the end will be Selena Gomez was working for the disembodied voice the whole time and right after she gets paid and walks away leaving Hawke to fend for himself, has a change of conscious and comes back to save Hawke and his wife and promptly gets adopted by them in the epilogue.


Next Week Pick of the Week: Pretty Little Liars, Tuesday at 8:00 on ABC Family: Pretty Little Liars fluctuates every ten episodes or so from guilty pleasure to just plain guilt watching. It seems like we are heading into a period of the former after the season finale where we learned that Alison was Red Coat (sort of, it could have been all a dream). And what is in Waldon’s trunk? I am guessing that since the Liars are all decked out in black in the promos there is probably a body in there but whose? Waldon? Cece? Could it be Melissa?

The 10 Most Anticipated Movies of 2013-14

Yesterday I created ten fake movie remakes (see 10 Remakes I would Pay to See) and today I come back to reality with ten movies that I will actually get to see over the next year or so.

10. Inttersteller (November 7 2013) – Not much is known about this movie based on a treatment from theoretical physicist Kip Thorne, something about wormholes, maybe, but it will be directed by Christopher Nolan who will team up with The Dark Knight Rises collaborators Anne Hathaway and Michael Caine along with Jessica Chastain and Matthew McConaughey. There is a good chance this will be much higher, if not number one by the time I do my next Most Anticipated Movies list.

9. The Wolf of Wall Street (November 15): Martin Scorsese and Leonardo DiCaprio team up for the fifth time and considering the previous ones include Gangs of New York, The Aviator, The Departed, and Shudder Island, this should be another good one. And that is before you add in the co-stars Kyle Chandler, Johan Hill, Matthew McConaughey, Jon Favreau, along with Margot Robbie who was last seen filling out a Pan-Am uniform very well.

8. Now You See Me (May 31) – I am always done for a good magic movie, and though this may not be as good as Christopher Nolan’s The Prestige, the trailer makes it look really good with the magician robbing a bank thousands of miles ago in front of a studio audience. Bonus points for reteaming Zombieland’s Jessie Eisenberg and Woody Harrelson.

7. Man of Steel (June 14) – I am still tepidly optimistic for the latest Superman movie. None of the trailer have given me goosebumps yet, but then none of them really give us much of a glimpse of Michael Shannon as General Zod, and lets face it, superhero movies are only as good as their antagonists and very people do creepy scary like Shannon does.

6. Sin City: A Dame to Kill For (October 11) – The first Sin City was a visual masterpiece and Robert Rodriguez and Frank Miller have teamed up again for the sequil that will see Jessica Alba, Rosario Dawson, Jamie King, Powers Boothe, Mickey Rourke, and Bruce Green reprising their roles with Eva Green, Josh Brolin, and Joseph Gordon-Levitt adding new flavors to four shorts that will comprise the movie. If this is good as the first, hopefully we will not have to wait another eight years for a third installment.

5. Thor: The Dark World (November 8) – Phase 2 of The Avenger’s saga kicked off earlier this month with the third Iron film but for me, of the four precursors to the second Avenger’s film, I am most looking forward to the net Thor movie (Captain America: The Winter Soldier arrives April 4, 2014 while the new kids on the block Guardians of the Galaxy featuring a gun toting raccoon and a talking tree debuts in August of next year). The original was my favorite solo film and Natalie Portman (along with sidekick Kat Dennings) is back along with Loki, who Thor actually calls on for help in the trailer. This should be interesting.


4. This Is the End (June 14) – This may very well be one of those comedies where all the funny bits are in the trailer, but then again, this trailer has more laughs in it than most comedies. And the Apatow family tree rarely disappoints. And speaking of the Apatow family tree, basically everyone associated with him appears in the movie, it is brimming with so many collaborators, most of them do not even make it out of the trailer alive: Aniz Ansari, Jason Segal, David Krumholz, Michael Cera: dead, dead, dead, and dead. And with everyone dead, they will need someone to replace those friends, and so Emma Watson enters with an ax. Awesome. There is no way this ends badly, at least for the viewers.


3. Kick-(Expletive Deleted) 2 (August 14) – Hit-Girl was one of the most memorable characters of the past decade and sure a fifteen year old girl may not be as entertaining as a twelve year old with a mouth of a sailor, but the sequel looks just as fun as the hero formerly known as Red Mist build an army of supervillains to combat Hit-Girl and her ever-growing posse of superheroes which includes Jim Carey doing his best Marry Hamlin impression.


2. The World’s End (July 19) – Edgar Wright, Simon Pegg, and Nick Frost kicked off the zombie crazy with Shaun of the Dead, lampooned the police with Hot Fuzz, and will end their trilogy with aliens with what will probably be the greatest drinking movie ever in the history of time.


1. Veronica Mars (Early 2014) – Rob Thomas almost destroyed the internet when he created a Kickstarter campaign for the prematurely canceled Veronica Mars. A month later it broke the record for fastest to $1 million dollars (four hours), $2 million (11 hours), most backers ever (by over four thousand), and was the highest funded film on the sight (it more than doubled Zach Braff’s film that was launched after Veronica Mars) and was third overall. Filming starts next month, and as of now only Kristen Bell and her on screen father Enrico Colantoni are officially signed on (along with the waiter who got his role through Kickstarter) but you can expect Logan, Dick, Wallace, Mac, Weevil and surprisingly Rob said there is also parts in the outline for Piz and Parker will not be far behind (here are ten other Neptune residents I hope pop up in the movie). Even though the show has been off the air for six years, if the movie is half as entertaining as the Kickstarter video, it should be thoroughly entertaining.

10 Remakes I Would Pay to See

It was announced this week that Warner Bros. was moving forward with its reboot of Gremlins which was met by everyone over thirty with a resounding, “Noooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” Now I do not have a blind hatred of remakes but you have to be weary of them because it is clear that the movie executives put no thought into these movies other than, “people love the original so we can con people into watching a newer version even if it sucks.” So they usually spend their entire budget on acquiring on the rights to the original subject and put little time and effort into the writing, directing, or the casting which is how the Footloose remake ended up with a lead that had about a tenth of the charisma that Kevin Bacon had. Or they take what was great in the first film and replace it with something lame like changing the tractor duel to a bus derby duel (to be fair, Julianne Hough was an upgrade over Lori Singer). I have just resigned to the fact that the Gremlins reboot will be in CGI when the charm of the original was they looked like something you could have gotten down at Toy’s R Us. And this is why the Star Wars prequels did not work, why you CGI everything to death you take the heart out of the story.

What movie executives do not realize, if they actually take known properties that people love and give them to directors who know what they are doing and cast it with actors people know and actually like, they could make a lot more money. Just look at what Christopher Nolan did for the Batman franchise or Sam Mendes with James Bond. Now I really am not much of a behind the scenes but I do spend way too much time thinking up fake movie casting. Yeah, a Gremlins remake may sound horrible at face value, but how about a Gremlins reboot starring Mary Elizabeth Winstead as Phoebe Cates, Adam Brody as Zach Galligan, and Mr. Wu from Deadwood as the creepy Asian dude? I’d watch that. And maybe even enjoy it if they opt for animatronics over CGI (get Guillermo del Toro to direct or produce and he will definitely avoid CGI).

Periodically I come up with fake movie casting and share them on Facebook, unfortunately this has not led to some studio hiring to head me for their Reboot Department (even though they have taken my advice when it came to casting Tyra Collette as Wonder Woman, Lyla Garrity in the Charlie’s Angels reboot, and hiring Sara Bareilles as a judge on The Sing-Off). So I thought I would round up a list of my favorite fake remakes for you. And for any movie studios out there, I have many more ideas and I am still available to head up your Reboot Department.


1. A female version of Lord of the Flies starring Loretta McCready (Justified), Arya Stark (Game of Thrones), Hit Girl (Kick-(Expletive Deleted)), Alex Dunphey (Modern Family), Sally Draper (Mad Men), and Dana Brody (Homeland). Movie executives will have to come up with a better title than Lady of the Flies on their own.

2. Against All Odds reboot staring Ryan Gosling as Jeff Bridges, Emma Stone as Rachel Ward, and Joseph Gordon Levitt as James Woods with John Mayer covering the theme song. (Honestly about ninety percent of my fake movie ideas involve Ryan Gosling and Emma Stone.)


3. Three Men and a Baby reboot with Barney Stinson (How I Met Your Mother), Steve Stifler (American Pie), and Dick Casablancas (Veronica Mars).

4. A gender bending reboot of Spies Like Us starring Kristen Bell and Alison Brie with Adele covering the Paul McCartney theme song.

5. Swimf@n reboot starring Haley Dunphey (Modern Family) as Erika Christensen, Tessa Altman (Suburgatory) as Shiri Appleby, and Jason Street (Friday Night Lights) as the boring dude.


6. The Cannonball Run reboot featuring the teams of Adam Sandler and Chris Rock, Simon Pegg and Nick Frost, Trya Collette and Lyla Garrity, Charles Barkley and Shaq; oh yeah, and Norm McDonald as Burt Reynolds with teammate Burt Reynolds.

7. Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead remake starring Ashley Benson (Pretty Little Liars) as Christina Applegate, Dylan from Modern Family as the older brother, Loretta McCready (Justified), Brick Heck (The Middle), Luke Dunphy (Modern Family), and Mrs. Blankenship (Mad Men) as the dead babysitter.


8. A gender switching reboot of Weekend at Bernie's starring Emma Stone, Haley Dunphy and Kristin Wiig as Bernadette.

9. Innerspace reboot starring McLovin’ (Superbad) as Martin Short, Kristen Bell as Meg Ryan, and Ryan Gosling as Dennis Quaid.


10. Two of a Kind reboot starring Nathan Fillion as John Travolta, Hilary Duff (who would also remake Twist of Fate for the soundtrack) as Olivia Newton-John, Ernie Hudson as Ernie Hudson and Olivia Newton-John as God.

Previewing Burning Love

If I told you there was a series that reunited Veronica Mars vets Ken Marino, Kristen Bell, Ryan Hansen and also featured Ben Stiller, Michael Ian Black, Ken Jeong, and Adam Scott your first question will probably be what channel and when can I watch it. Good news is that you can watch the first episode of Burning Love right now by heading over to Yahoo’s comedy channel.

On Burning Love, Marino plays a firefighter who goes on The Bachelor style dating show to find love by dating twenty women at once with Black playing the host. The girls play all the clichés you have come to know (including plenty of grade school teachers and dental hygienists) and a few you will never see on the show, but would be hilarious if you did like a girl who does not what to be judged by her looks so she wears a bear costume (you will definitely recognize who is under the mask but it will be no fun if I spoiled you to who is it). Other girls out to woo Marino without a bear costume include Bell, Malin Akerman, Carla Gallo, and Sally Draper’s teacher that her dad nailed a couple seasons ago.

Even though I have not seen a second of The Bachelor or its many spinoffs the laughs are really universal and it is not only funnier than other The Bachelor parodies out there (Flavor of Love was a parody, not a real show, right?) but is funnier than any network comedy that aired in the past year. Thankfully the episodes are in the five to ten minute range so the jokes do not get old quick. New episodes are uploaded every Monday and Thursday at BurningLove.com (I am not sure how episodes there will end up being, but there were still about half the girls around by the fifth episode). If you are not sure about the first episode, at least stick with it until Marino takes the girls to a comedy club where Kristen Bell, who plays the religious one, has a drop the mic moment. Check out the trailer for Burning Love below:

Best of the Week - 1/13/12

Quote of the Week: Let’s go steal us a time machine. (Parker, Leverage)

Song of the Week: If You Leave Me Now – Chicago (as sung by Cameron, Modern Family)

Gratuitous Token Hot Chick Picture of the Week:



Scene of the Week:



Big News of the Week: Frank Darabont Coming Back to Television: You would think after he was treated over at AMC with The Walking Dead, you would think it would be a while before Frank Darabont would get back into the television business. But TNT just announced that they ordered a pilot for L.A. Noir (based on John Buntin’s book not the video game) where Darabont will serve as the executive producer as well as write and direct the pilot.

The network is also getting into the reality competition game with The Great Escape from the guys behind The Amazing Race along with Ron Howard and Brian Grazer. The show will feature three pairs of players as they try escaping from exotic locations such as a seven story castle, a deserted island, a sinking ship or a maximum security prison. Rich Eisen is set to host and will hit the network this summer. While over on TNT’s sister station TBS has ordered ten episodes of Men at Work starring Danny Masterson (That ‘70s Show), James Lesure (Las Vegas), Michael Cassidy (The O.C.) and Adam Busch (Buffy the Vampire Slayer), who my sources tell me will not be wearing woman’s clothes as part as their job.

Free Download of the Week: Pennies On the Floor – Little Willies (iTunes): If you are not familiar with The Little Willies, it is Norah Jones’s country band.

Deal of the Week: Over 1,000 Albums $5 Each: With over 1000 albums for $5, here are a couple Greatest Hits that you could find while sorting through all of them including the Steve Miller Band, Otis Redding, Run-DMC, and Roxette.



New Album Release of the Week: Voyageur - Kathleen Edwards

New DVD Release of the Week: The Ides of March

Video of the Week: House of Lies is not the only new show Kristen Bell is lending her talents to, Unsupervised is FX’s latest animated series following two 15 year old boys who find themselves without parental guidance. Unsupervised airs Thursdays at 10:30. Check out a promo below:



Next Week Pick of the Week: Justified, Tuesday at 10:00 on FX: In its first two seasons, Justified was kept out of the top slot of my Best Television Shows of the Year by Friday Night Lights and with FNL retiring its jersey last year, Justified is primed to take the Best Show on Television tag. Though with the entire Bennett clan either dead or in jail, it will be hard for the show to find better replacements to be antagonists for Raylan. But the addition of Carla Gugino as Raylan’s boss’s boss will make things interesting especially with Raylan’s high body count that follows him.

Previewing House of Lies

Showtime has carved out a very specific niche for its sitcom (well, half hour shows because sitcom would insinuate that it was actually funny) with very unlikeable lead characters. It started with a drug dealing suburbanite and since then included a sex addicted writer and a pill popping nurse. Considering our current situation, the lead of their new show House of Lies may be the channel’s least likeable yet: a management consultant who helps those who destroyed our economy keep their yachts and high bonuses. But hey, on the flip side, Veronica Mars is back on the small screen.

To show you just how morally corrupt the character on the show are, it is based on a book whose full title is House of Lies: How Management Consultants Steal Your Watch and Then Tell You the Time. Don Cheadle (Boogie Nights) is the lead douchebag of the second ranked firm in the nation (naturally his ex-wife Dawn Olivieri (Veronica Mars) is the head of number one). Just do not ask me what his underling Kristen Bell (Reefer Madness - The Movie Musical), Ben Schwartz (Undercovers), Josh Lawson (The Wedding Party) do other than insult each other and waste client’s money (the crew makes it rain in a strip club in the first episode).

We also get to see Cheadle off the clock and he may actually be a worse person at home than when he is getting paid. He lives with his son with Olivieri, who is having some identity issues (he is trying out for the role of Sandy in the school’s production of Grease) and his father who did about as good a job raising his son as Cheadle did. In both worlds Cheadle has a penchant for breaking the fourth wall that gets annoying really early. But hey, Veronica Mars is back on the small screen where she can curse like a sailor (which I learned firsthand she does in real life) and remove more clothing (which unfortunately she does not utilize in the first episode).

House of Lies premieres Sunday at 10:00 on Showtime. For those that cannot wait and do not mind a little censorship, you can watch the first episode free on iTunes, Sho.com, you cable providers On Demand channel, or just watch it now on YouTube below:

House of Lies: Series Premiere Full Episode

Best of the Week - 11/5/11

Quote of the Week: So you’re a religious man and a torturer. What are you? Catholic? (Saul, Homeland)

Song of the Week: Living In America – James Brown (How I Met Your Mother)

Gratuitous Token Hot Chick Picture of the Week:



Scene of the Week:



Big News of the Week: Nope, Not Gonna Do It: I refuse to give publicity to anyone who sole purpose to what they do is to gain more publicity. Nope, not gonna do it. And anyone who complains about these sorts of thing, just ignore them, even complaining about them is what they want because all they want is to be talked about. So stop taking about them.

Free Download of the Week: Public Enemy No. 1 – Megadeath (iTunes)

Deal of the Week: 100 Albums for $5: This month for only $5, you can get full albums from Coldplay, Lauryn Hill, Stevie Wonder, and the Footloose Soundtrack (the real one).



New Album Release of the Week: Wish You Were Here - Immersion Box Set - Pink Floyd

New DVD Release of the Week: Alpocalypse-HD (Blu-ray)

Video of the Week: Kristen Bell in her underwear; Emmy Rossum wearing less. If this does not get you to order Showtime, I do not know what will. You have until January 8 when House of Lies premieres and Shameless returns to do so.



Next Week Pick of the Week: Hell on Wheels, Sunday at 10:00 on AMC: This may be the least buzzed about show of the fall because I heard very little about it so far. What I gather it is a period piece that has something to do with the railway and Common is in it. I am always up for a history lesson on television so I will at least give it a chance. Worse case scenerio it is a low rent Deadwood and I can be fine with that.