40 Worst Songs of 2008

A strange thing happened while compiling this year’s worst songs list: I actually had a hard time coming up with forty songs. Usually I can easily come up with a list off the top of my head. I am not sure if it was because there actually didn’t release as many bad songs as usual this year or if I was able to avoid them better this year. But in the end I was actually able to come up with the usual forty to signify the death of Top 40 radio. Here are the songs that made my ears bleed the last three hundred and sixty-five days. Wait, sixty-six, it was leap year. And don’t forget the extra second they are tacking onto the end of this year.

1. When I Grow Up - The Pussycat Dolls

2. Womanizer - Britney Spears

3. I Kissed a Girl - Katy Perry

4. Lollipop - Lil’ Wayne and Static Major

5. Damaged - Danity Kane

6. Higher - Heidi Montag

7. So What - P!nk

8. Outta My Head (Ay Ya Ya) - Ashlee Simpson

9. Official Girl - Cassie featuring Lil’ Wayne

10. Break the Ice - Britney Spears

11. 4 Minutes - Madonna featuring Justin Timberlake and Timbaland

12. Can't Believe It - T-Pain featuring Lil’ Wayne

13. Like Me - Girlicious

14. I'm So Paid - Akon, Lil’ Wayne, and Young Zeezy

15. In the Ayer - Flo Rida featuring will.i.am

16. Ur So Gay - Katy Perry

17. Something In Your Mouth - Nickelback

18. Single - New Kids on the Block featuring Ne-Yo

19. Spotlight - Jennifer Hudson

20. Hot N Cold - Katy Perry

21. Chopped N Skrewed - T-Pain featuring Ludacris

22. Nine In the Afternoon - Panic at the Disco

23. Handlebars - Flowbots

24. Feels Like Tonight - Daughtry

25. Got Money - Lil’ Wayne featuring T-Pain

26. Dangerous - Kardinal Offishall featuring Akon

27. Elevator - Flo Rider

28. What About Now - Daughtry

29. Circus - Britney Spears

30. One Step At a Time - Jordin Sparks

31. Summertime - New Kids on the Block

32. Over You - Daughtry

33. Love In This Club - Usher featuring Young Jeezy

34. Fly On the Wall - Miley Cyrus

35. Sorry - Buckcherry

36. Put On - Young Jeezy featuring Kanye West

37. The Time of My Life - David Cook

38. Falling Down - Scarlett Johansson

39. Pocketful of Sunshine - Natasha Bedingfield

40. Crush - David Archuleta

2008 Winter Music Preview

For the past couple years, the first quarter of the year has been a vast wasteland where record companies drop albums by artist they hope to break in the new year (see last year with Amy Winehouse) or albums that were supposed to release before Christmas but held them because they sucked (see the chick from The Pussycat Dolls this year). Yet scrolling over this years’ Winter Music Preview, even though there really is not a blockbuster among them aside maybe Jack Johnson, there is a decent amount of good (and more than enough crappy) music being released the first four months of 2008.

If you are interrested in preordering the albums from Amazon, the link on the album name will take you their, the links on artists names will take you to their iTunes page. If I left one of your favorite artists off the list with an upcoming album feel free to drop me a comment or feel free to wax poetic in the comment section on which albums you are looking forward to. (Note: release dates subject to change):


January 22

Jukebox - Cat Power: Chan Marshall is back to get her indie queen back from Feist with a album full of cover songs with songs made famous by Frank Sinatra, Hank Williams and James Brown. The album is available for pre-order on iTunes.

Pocketful of Sunshine - Natasha Bedingfield: Of the new songs I have heard, it sounds like Natasha will go down as a two hit wonder. The album is available for pre-order on iTunes.


January 29

Tim's House - Kate Walsh: No not that Kate Walsh, this is a British singer that is more Norah Jones than Lily Allen. The album is already available on iTunes.

Just A Little Lovin' - Shelby Lynne: She won the Grammy for Best New Artist in 2001 (almost a decade after releasing her first album) and has been (unfairly) ignored pretty much ever since by the general public.

Moment Of Forever - Willie Nelson: With Kenny Chesney producing, Willie takes on songs by Dave Matthews, Bob Dylan and a few songs he wrote himself.

Vampire Weekend - Vampire Weekend: This year’s buzz band which means the album will most likely fall under the weight of all the hype.

Her Name Is Nicole - Nicole Scherzinger: As I mentioned in the intro, it is never a good sign when you get moved from the fourth quarter to the first.


February 5

Sleep Through the Static - Jack Johnson: My most anticipated album of the winter, nothing like a surfer to warm things up with snow on the ground. The album is available for pre-order on iTunes.

Detours - Sheryl Crow: Maybe it is a coincidence that Crow hasn’t had a hit since duetting with Kid Rock, but Tuesday Night Music Club producer is back for this album which was recorded in Nashville which could hint at a more folksy sound.

It Is Time For A Love Revolution - Lenny Kravitz: The album title is reminiscent of his first Let Love Rule, a romp of tree hugging 60’s inspired jams.

Lucky - Nada Surf: Who had the group the recorded Popular in the late 90’s sustain a career a over decade later in their office pool?


February 12

25th Anniversary of Thriller - Michael Jackson: Yeah, seeing that this album hit its half a century mark doesn’t make me old at all. But anyways. If I am not mistaken, this will feature remixes by Kanye West and will.i.am.

Shine - Estelle: Speaking of Kanye and will, they will both be appearing on this album British singer/rapper Estelle, the first released on John Legend's label.


February 19

Mockingbird - Allison Moorer: Younger of Shelby Lynn, Moorer releases an album of cover songs with her take on songs by Nina Simone, Joni Mitchell and Johnny Cash.


February 26

On a Clear Night - Missy Higgins: Huge in her native Australia, where this album already hit number one last May, now she tries to conquer the States. Again (her debut, The Sound of White was essentially overlooked here). This album is already available on iTunes.

Discipline - Janet Jackson: Insert your own wardrobe malfunction jokes here.

Another Country - Tift Merritt: She is Ryan Adams approved, that is all I need to know.

March 4

Warpaint - The Black Crowes: The first album from the band since Kate Hudson tried to pull a Yoko Ono.

Asking for Flowers - Kathleen Edwards: Made some of the best alt-country music this decade that is not credited to Ryan Adams, expect more on this album.


March 11

Hello - Tristan Prettyman: I think I may be the only one who check out her first album that was very Jack Johnson with a female twist, hopefully more people check out the follow up.

Ego Trippin' - Snoop Dogg: Snoop has set the bar high after the Sexual Seduction video. Snoop says there will not be any guests on this album but expect prodution from the Neptunes.

These Are Good Times People - The Presidents of the United States of America: Peaches is one of the greatest songs ever in the history of the world. Or at least from the ninties.


March 18

Bittersweet World - Ashlee Simpson: Yeah, this is going to suck.


March 25

Saturday Nights & Sunday Mornings - Counting Crows: I already talked about this in the Fall 2007 Music Preview but it seemed to be pushed back every couple weeks.


Sometime April

Accelerate - R.E.M.
Atlantis - Gnarls Barkley
The Glass Passenger - Jack's Mannequin
Rising Down - The Roots
That Chick - Mariah Carey

I Want My Music Television vol. XIV

There have been a couple of videos that have caught my eye lately so I though I’d give them some love since the death of Musical Television left a void for a forum on the art form so here they are courtesy of YouTube. I advise you to watch them before you read my reviews if you don’t want me to spoil things. If you are interested in buying the video through iTunes, click the title link (where available, if not the link goes to YouTube where you can watch the video in full screen). If you are interested in buying the song, look for a link in the analysis.


Outta My Head (Ay Ya Ya) - Ashlee Simpson




Hopefully this song isn’t a bad omen for 2008 because it really isn’t the best way to start of the New Year with the mannequin that Ashlee Simpson has become. But then again, I cannot imagine how anyone could make a song worth than this aside from Ashlee herself. It just shows you how messed up the music business is when they are pushing a reputed lip-syncer down our throats again even after her last album bombed as bad as her Saturday Night Live performance. As for the video, if I were Salvator Dail, I would sue.


Us Placers - CRS



Now onto some actual good music. This song appeared on Kanye West’s mixtape last year and even though it is doubtful we will get an actual album from CRS anytime soon, this Thom York sampled track definitely wets the palette and make me reminisce about the early nineties when there actual great rap crews, not just one decent rapper and his crappy friends that populate the rap landscape this decade.


Pumpkin Soup - Kate Nash



In a story I broke yesterday, Kate Nash is the next big thing and here is the best song off her new album (see: You Said I Must Eat So Many Lemons ‘cause I Am So Bitter). Just don’t ask me what is with the creepy human sized cats.


Gravedigger - Willie Nelson



Yes this is Willie Nelson covering Dave Matthews and somehow Willie made it sound creepier than the original.

40 Worst Songs of 2007

It seems as the years go by the music on the radio gets worse and worse thanks in part this year to karaokers, mom rockers, pseudo-punk rockers, and ringtone rappers that polluted the air worse than any Hummer. And can we please stop inviting Akon to sing on every song? In honor of the top 40 radio stations that have ruined radio here are the forty worst songs of the year even though I bet playlists are down to 25-30 songs these day.

Before I get into the worst of this year, I would like to make a special mention of Outta My Head (Ay Ya Ya) by Ahslee Simpson which is too new to make this list but has certainly set the bar pretty high (or low depending how you look at it) for the Worst Songs of 2008. But anyways. Feel free to leave the songs that really irritated you this year in the comment section and of course if you disagree with any of my selections, you have the power to influence the 9th Green Reader’s Favorite Songs of 2007 Poll:


1. This Is Why I’m Hot - Mims

2. Big Girl’s Don’t Cry (Personal) - Fergie

3. Piece of Me - Britney Spears

4. It’s Not Over - Daughtry

5. Straight to the Bank - 50 Cent

6. Let Me Talk to You (Prelude) / My Love - Justin Timberlake featuring T.I.

7. Lip Gloss - Lil’ Mama

8. Buy U a Drank (Shawty Snappin’) - T-Pain featuring Yung Joc

9. U and Ur Hand - P!nk

10. A Bay Bay - Hurricane Chris

11. I Don’t Wanna Be in Love (Dance Floor Anthem) - Good Charlotte

12. Ayo Technology - 50 featuring Justin Timberlake and Timbaland

13. Home - Daughtry

14. Bartender - T-Pain featuring Akon

15. Whatever U Like - Nicole Scherzinger featuring T.I.

16. Gimme More - Britney Spears

17. Amusement Park - 50 Cent

18. Tattoo - Jordin Sparks

19. The Sweet Escape - Gwen Stefani featuring Akon

20. Glamorous - Fergie featuring Ludacris

21. I Get Money - 50 Cent

22. Chocolate Rain - Tay Zonday

23. Teenagers - My Chemical Romance

24. Crack That (Soulja Boy) - Soulja Boy Tell ‘Em

25. Come to Me - Diddy featuring Nicole Scherzinger

26. Love Stoned / I Think She Knows Interlude - Justin Timberlake

27. Cloths Off!!! - Gym Class Heroes featuring Patrick Stump

28. Over You - Daughtry

29. Sorry, Blame it On Me - Akon

30. Grace Kelly - MIKA

31. Who Knew - P!nk

32. Summer Love - Justin Timberlake

33. Better Than Me - Hinder

34. Walk it Out - Unk

35. Wait for You - Elliot Yamin

36. Don’t Matter - Akon

37. Break Anotha - Blake Lewis

38. So Hott - Kid Rock

39. Get Me Bodied - Beyoncé

40. Don’t Waste Your Time - Kelly Clarkson

Worst Songs of 2006

It’s no secret that the Top 40 radio is dieing off thanks to shrinking playlists and more specialized stations. So in honor of that I present to you the 40 Worst Songs of 2006. And you know you have compiled a list of some crappy songs when Kevin Federline doesn’t crack the Top 10. It’s disturbing how many of the “artist” on this list come from reality television (for those keeping track at home, fifteen songs were from reality stars which beats out songs that “feature” by one) showing that record executives are too lazy to find nor market good artists. And not surprisingly the same artists that topped the Worst Albums of the Year list do the same here taking up three of the worst three songs of the year. Download these songs from iTunes at your own risk and feel free to let me know what songs of the past year that you dislike in the comment section:


1. Nothing In This World - Paris Hilton
2. About Us - Brooke Hogan featuring Paul Wall
3. London Bridge - Fergie
4. Stars Are Blind - Paris Hilton
5. Wind it Up - Gwen Stefani
6. I'm N Luv (Wit a Stripper) - T-Pain featuring Mike Jones
7. My Love - Justin Timberlake featuring T.I.
8. I Write Sins Not Tragedies - Panic! at the Disco
9. Fergalicious - Fergie
10. Welcome to the Black Parade - My Chemical Romance
11. U & Ur Hand - Pink
12. Show Stopper - Danity Kane
13. Lose Control - Kevin Federline
14. Lips of an Angel - Hinder
15. Come to Me - Diddy featuring Nicole Scherzinger
16. Do I Make You Proud - Taylor Hicks
17. Stupid Girl - Pink
18. The Real Thing - Bo Bice
19. Invisible - Ashlee Simpson
20. Goodbye My Lover - James Blunt
21. Ms. New Booty - Bubba Sparxxx featuring Mr. ColliPark & Ying Yang Twins
22. The Kill - 20 Seconds to Mars
23. Shoulder Lean - Young Dro featuring T.I.
24. Hood Boy - Fantasia featuring Big Boi
25. Control Myself - LL Cool J featuring Jennifer Lopez
26. Chain Hang Low - Jibbs
27. Let U Go - Ashley Parker Angel
28. It's Goin’ Down - Yung Joc featuring Nitti
29. Land of Confusion - Disturbed
30. Lean Wit It, Rock Wit It - Dem Franchize Boyz featuring Peenut & Charlay
31. SexyBack - Justin Timberlake featuring Timbaland
32. Maneater - Nelly Furtado
33. Hate Me - Blue October
34. What's Left of Me - Nick Lachey
35. I Belong to Me - Jessica Simpson
36. Sideline Ho - Monica
37. Unpredictable - Jamie Foxx featuring Ludacris
38. So Excited - Janet Jackson featuring Khia
39. Hanging On - Cheyenne Kimball
40. Buttons - Pussycat Dolls featuring Big Snoop Dogg

I Wish I Was Mr. Gates

I have to admit I was a late-comer to You Tube, but I’ve found myself spend more and more time on the sight checking out mostly live performances, although I wish people would stop posting crapping videos taken off their camera phones because the quality is usually horrible. Even one of my favorite reads, Bill Simmons recently inducted thirty-three videos into the You Tube Hall of Fame including videos of Beavis and Butthead watching Hulk Hogan’s video and the top 10 baseball fights (how was the minor leaguer who mule kicked the catcher not number one; greatest move ever). And don’t let the Sports Guy moniker fool you because, much like the 9th Green, it's not just about sports as he takes on pop culture too, but you may want to skip whenever he starts going on and on about Boston sports. But anyways. Aside from the videos on his list, here are some videos I’m checking out.


Bruce Springsteen - Pay Me My Money Down (Conan O’Brien)



I used to be a faithful watcher of David Letterman (which I once appeared, sadly which hasn’t got onto You Tube yet) but as I grow older, I, much like Tony Kornheiser, can’t stay awake to watch it anymore. But I still check out the late night shows to see if they have any great guests on to tape (I’m not cool enough to Tivo) and that was the case Friday with Bruce Springsteen on Conan O'Brien. If this is any indication of what his tour is going to be like, I’m, going to have to pick up some tickets. But while watching it, I swear I saw Conan O’Brien on acoustic guitar and low and behold, it was him. They even let Jimmy Fallon, who was on earlier for an “In the Year 2000” bit, play the spoons and if you look closer, you can see Thomas Hayden Church in the background playing the glockenspiel or something.


The Raconteurs - Steady as She Goes



This video has something to live up to as Jack White’s other band; The White Stripes always has great videos. The Raconteurs video doesn’t disappoint, but for some reason this video reminds me of an old cartoon that involved racing and included a dog, thing was named Dastardly or something like that, and it’s now totally bothering me that I can’t remember the name. It doesn’t help that Black would looked exactly like the baddie in the cartoon if he put on a top hat.


Ashlee Simpson - Invisible



This video should put to rest all those plastic surgery rumors following Ashlee Simpson these days because it is now obvious that she didn’t go under the knife, instead it was the lead singer of Kajagoogoo that beat the ugly out of her. I love how the video is in black and white to give it the serious edge, but only succeeds in making it harder not to laugh while watching it. What sad though is that I reviewed her album (Hey, How Long Till the Music Drowns You Out?) and don’t even remember this song. Although I don't see this song in iTunes, does this means she has a new album coming out? Maybe that meteor set to hit the Earth on Monday will turn out to be a good thing after all.

Worst Songs of 2005

It seems as the years go by the music on the radio gets worse and worse. Even though I severely limited my radio listening this year thanks to my iPod and my custom made radio station on yahoo (check out the side bar if you give it a listen), every once I’d tune in just to see if they started playing anything good, and the resounding answer was no. Before I list the overplayed crap, I would make special note of Kevin Federline who released a song to the internet that I heard pieces of because I’m sure had I heard it in it’s entirely it or new its name would have made this list. And to Kevin, I’m pretty sure everyone will hate a lot longer than 2008. Now here are the worst forty songs the corroded the air worse than any Hummer could and in honor of the top 40 radio stations that have ruined radio even though I bet playlists are down to 25-30 these day (Feel free to leave the songs that really irritated you this year in the comment section):


1. Confessions of a Broken Heart (Daughter to Father) - Lindsay Lohan
2. Rich Girl - Gwen Stefani & Eve
3. L.O.V.E. - Ashlee Simpson
4. Hollaback Girl - Gwen Stefani
5. Like You - Lil’ Bow Wow & Ciara
6. Get Right - Jennifer Lopez
7. Laffy Taffy - DL4
8. Twisted Transistor - Korn
9. Lose Control - Missy Elliot, Ciara, & Fat Man Scoop
10. Hung Up - Madonna
11. One, Two Step - Ciara & Missy Elliot
12. Mockingbird - Eminem
13. Oh - Ciara & Ludacris
14. When I’m Gone - Eminem
15. Over and Over - Nelly & Tim McGraw
16. Wordplay - Jason Mraz
17. It’s Like That - Mariah Carey
18. Caught Up - Usher
19. Goodies - Ciara & Petey Pablo
20. Do Somethin’ - Britney Spears
21. Cold - Crossfade
22. The Ghost of You - My Chemical Romance
23. Solider - Destiny’s Child, Lil' Wayne, & T.I.
24. Grillz - Nelly, Paul Wall, Ali, & Gipp
25. Shake it Off - Mariah Carey
26. The Great Divide - Scott Stapp
27. Get it Poppin’ - Fat Joe & Nelly
28. Bat Country - Avenged Sevenfold
29. Candy Shop - 50 Cent & Olivia
30. Photograph - Nickelback
31. Just Want You to Know - Backstreet Boys
32. I'm Not Okay (I Promise) - My Chemical Romance
33. Untitled - Simple Plan
34. Blue Orchid - The White Stripes
35. Helena (So Long & Goodnight) - My Chemical Romance
36. Don’t Lie - Black Eyed Peas
37. Have a Nice Day - Bon Jovi
38. Don't Cha- Pussycat Dolls & Busta Rhymes
39. How We Do - The Game & 50 Cent
40. Don’t Phunk with My Heart - Black Eyed Peas

The Worst Albums of 2005

Before I get into the list, anyone who is smart probably has stopped watching Saturday Night Live after the Sandler, Myers, Rock era ended, yet for some reason I still turned but last week I was treated to the funniest sketch since the S/M/R era featuring Chris Parnell and newbie Andy Samburg. If you know what I’m talking about iTunes and NBC have given us a Christmas present in the form of the sketch for free download. If you haven’t seen it, I won’t go into it that much it as it will slightly ruin the hilarity, but watch out for the line "You can call us Aaron Burr by the way we're dropping Hamiltions." You definitely want to download it. Unfortunately iTunes doesn’t have a feature where you can link to videos but if you click on any of my iTunes links and go to the store’s main page, it’s will rotate on one of the top ads. So go ahead and download it, it’s free and I promise you won’t be disappointed.

And before I get into the best of coming after Christmas, I first want to start with those albums that you should all avoid. I would like to note that this list was compiled from albums that I reviewed this year and may not truly represent the worst of the worst, just those that I was willing to listen to. I’m sure albums released this year by Madonna, Korn, or the dude from Creed were even worst than most of the albums on the list, but I couldn’t bring myself to give them a listen. If there were any albums you absolutely hated in the past year feel free to leave them in the comment section. For those that are interested to check these albums on the list out, the link on the album goes directly to iTunes (and you can use it to get to the SNL skit too) while the links in the parentheses go to my original reviews.


1. A Little More Personal (Raw) – Lindsay Lohan (You Turned Something So Good So Bad)
2. The Real Thing – Bo Bice (Is He All the Things You Tried to Change Me Into)
3. I Am Me – Ashlee Simpson (Hey How Long Till You Face What’s Going On)
4. Switch – INXS (It Ain’t Pretty After the Show)
5. A Bigger Bang – The Rolling Stones (I Think I Made the Biggest Mistake of My Life)
6. Get Rich or Die Trying Soundtrack (The Top Is So Much Better Than the Bottom, Yet More Boring)
7. All the Right Reasons – Nickelback (I Guess it Wasn’t Really Right)
8. Almost Honest – Josh Kelley (Hard Times Happen)
9. Mr. A-Z – Jason Mraz (It Takes a Thought to Make a Sound)
10. Tommyland: The Ride – Tommy Lee (I’d Rather Play You on My TV)
11. Somebody’s Miracle – Liz Phair (Do You Really Know Me at All)
12. TP.3 Reloaded – R. Kelly (I Hope Y’all Got Yo Playa Cards)
13. Unpredictable – Jamie Foxx (Things Have Come So Mundane)
14. Oh No – OK Go (Who’s House Are You Haunting Tonight)
15. Seventeen Days – 3 Doors Down (If I Get Boring Would You Still Call Me Superman)

We on Award Tour - 2005 Billboard Awards

Much like the America Music Awards, I have avoided the Billboard Awards because typically not many people show up for fear that they may be overlooked when it came to filling up a performance slot at the Grammys (bbe sure to check back tomorrow for my Grammy nomination special). But even though it conflicted with the number one show on my Best New Shows of Fall 2005 list, My Name Is Earl, I watch the Billboard Awards for one reason, Carrie Underwood. Since giving her album a mediocre review (see Oh There’s Nothing Like Oklahoma) she has grown on me more and more to the point now where I am completely smitten with her and have even changed my stance on Jesus Take the Wheel that I originally found slightly cheesy to the point where I actually enjoy the song. Here are some more observations from last night:

- The show starts off, much like the Video Music Awards, with Green Day. And I’ll just come out and say it; I’m extremely tired with Green Day. Yeah Boulevard of Broken Dreams a good song but the totally done with American Idiot as a whole. Let’s face it; if Kerry won last year, the album wouldn’t have been heralded as it is. Only Michael Moore and Halliburton have made more money off of Bush’s reelection. And what was up with the crutch?

- At the beginning of the show they hyped a performance that everyone was talking about. Okay, everyone apparently except me. Throughout the show they kept on hyping it, but I will save that for later so you are all as let down as I was watching.

- Nothing says, “You’re in for a long night” better than having LL Cool J as host. At least he didn’t try a monologue.

- Lover and Friends by Lil’ John wins Rap Track of the Year. Not bad considering last night was the first time I ever heard it. And I find it extremely disturbing to know I have the exact argyle sweater vest as Lil’ John.

- Always a solid source of entertainment, the Blue Man Group do a cool bit with Jessica Alba, three TV screens, and a Wookie playing a guitar.

- Gwen Stefani wins New Artist of the Year. Did I miss something and warp back to 1996?

- The black Britney Spears strikes again with Ciara doing her best Janet Jackson impression circa the Rhythm Nation era, well, sans the talent. Does she only have a one note vocal range?

- You know you are short presenters why you have to bring on the Hogan’s. You know VH1 only had them at their awards show to promote their show, but for Billboard to have them is just sad.

- Chingy and Larry the Cable Guy come out to battle to see who has the more annoying accent. I think Chingy wins by an "errrr."

- One of the reasons why I hate country music, son titles like Get Drunk and Be Somebody as performed by Toby Keith. Luckily the Barenaked Ladies were on The Tube.

- Next up is a performance by Pretty Ricky. Should I know who Pretty Ricky is? And why is there five of them? They for some reason do a duet with Ashlee Simpson where one of the members, presumably Ricky, says of Ashlee, “She’s not a gold digger but she’s not looking for a broke, broke,” while Ashlee does the patented Kanye head nod. That was extremely disturbing, I really hope Mr. West sues them all.

- And needless to say, Ashlee should really go back to lip-syncing. Also it looks like five years after heroin chic went out of style, Ashlee looks like she trying to start a Meth-addict chic phase. Someone please buy her a hairbrush and force her into a shower before she starts hanging out with Kate Moss.

- 50 Cent accepted his award in France. Insert gay Paris joke here.

- Did Gwen Stefani really rip-off Biggie’s Big Poppa - Ready to Die - The Remaster? There should be laws against that.

- To add some credibility to the ceremony, Tom Petty, for some reason without the Heartbreakers, gets the Century Award. Nice touch when he mocks those who care more about their bling.

- Sadly R. Kelly doesn’t do another chapter of Trapped in the Closet. Instead he’s out at the MGM pool with enough breasts and butt shots that I though they brought back Club MTV.

- I had some hate mail when I had some negative comment for Reggeaton back during my VMA recap, and Daddy Yankee didn’t do anything to change my opinion of the genre. For some reasaon his performance was censored even though I couldn't tell a word he said.

- Next was Carrie Underwood singing Some Hearts. I think I’ll keep my comments to a minimum to avoid a restraining order.

- Kanye West wins the Artist of the Year. Wait a minute, didn’t LL Cool J tell 50 Cent he won the award earlier. Did I miss something again? Was there a tie?

- Oddest intro – playing Gang Starr’s Mass Appeal while Velvet Revolver made their entrance with Jamie Pressly. Of course that stupidity will make sense when you learn who the DJ was.

- Mariah Carey waddles from the back to accept another award. Of course she couldn’t sit in the crowd because that dress wouldn’t bend. Someone should really tell her that she should stop wearing form fitting dresses or do some more sit-ups because she no longer has the body to pull off the slutty look.

- And the big surprise performance turned out to be… Wait for it… Wait for it… Another performance from R. Kelly. So the big surprise performance was from a guy already scheduled to perform? After doing research the special performance that “all the blogs were talking about,” as the promo stated, was actually was supposed to be Kevin Federline. But luckily we were spared. Apparently having Nicole Ritchie’s fiancé as DJ filled the talent less husband quota.

- But R. Kelly ended up performing an all-star charity single that apparently just featured Kelly himself and a choir of about a thousand titled Let Your Light Shine. In fact the song in iTunes credits the artist as R. Kelly & R. Kelly. Although I thought I saw Ryan Cabrara’s hair, so maybe it was an all-star choir, it’s just that they didn’t do any close ups of anyone else. The song itself was actually good and Kelly’s best song, aside from Trapped in the Closet, in about five years. So go ahead and buy it, the money goes to charity. But I'm not sure if the charity is for the Gulf Relief or R. Kelly's legal fund though.