57 Channels and Only This Is On vol. CXLVIII

Quote of the Week: Cruelty is the mother of all invention. (Miles, Rubicon)

Song of the Week: Wild One - Little Darlins (Terriers)

Big News of the Week: VMA's Still Living in 2009: It is not a good sign that the only thing worth talking about from your award show is what happened last year. And the two participants were more than eager to talk about it. Taylor Swift debuted a not so subtle ode to Kanye West (but has Taylor ever written a subtle song about a boy yet?) which was an odd mix of scolding and forgiveness of the guy who stole her spotlight. Then after apologizing for most of the last year, Kanye, in the same bright red color Taylor sported last year, jumped onstage to revel in his behavior, beginning his new song to toast the douchebag, jerkoffs and scumbags. Though he apologized for us having to put up with his (expletive deleted) since way too long. And sadly neither of them performed the song that Kanye wrote for Taylor. In the only other non I’mma let you finish news, did the show really open and close with Ellen DeGeneres and Cher? Biggest disappointment of the night is the only award winning video of the night that actually deserved an award, Tighten Up by the Black Keys for Breakthrough Video, was the only winner that wasn’t actually announced during the show. On a side note, does anyone know where I can get the Deadmau5 remix of the song?

Rubicon: When they cut to Tanya in the bathroom after the drug test I was really hoping it was going to reveal that she was using a Whizzinator. Which begs the question, is there a Whizzinator for women? You can download Rubicon on iTunes.

Parenthood: Isn’t it enough that Dax Sheppard has tainted Veronica Mars, is he really going to hook up with Lyla Garrity too? It sure looks that is the root they were going. But then again I thought Crosby would take the place of Jabbar in the sleep over. Surely would have made for the better sight gag in the bunk beds. And now I have to decide what will be the annoying catchphrase that I will be using ad nausea for the next couple months, “I hear you; I see you” or “Let’s have a toast for the douchebags.” You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Parenthood on iTunes.

Covert Affairs: Holy Vada Sultenfuss sighting! I was actually hoping she would turn out to be one of the good guys because I liked her character much more than any of the tertiary characters on the show. You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Covert Affairs on iTunes.


Free Download of the Week: Pilot - Terriers, Season 1 (iTunes): Missed what I called the best new show of the Fall? Here is your chance to give it a look.

Deal of the Week: DVD's $6.49 and Under (Blazing Saddles, The Wedding Crashers, Little Shop of Horror)

Video of the Week: If you missed last week’s Stand Up 2 Cancer, you missed the two funniest people on television, Eric Stonestreet of Modern Family and Jim Parsons of The Big Bang Theory, cross network lines to show us that lung cancer is no laughing matter, or is it. And if you missed the show, you can download Stand Up to Cancer on iTunes or the individual musical performances from the show with proceeds going to Stand Up 2 Cancer.

Laughing at Lung Cancer


Next Week Pick of the Week: The Big Bang Theory, Thursday at 8:00 on CBS: CBS has always been known as the network that plays it safe which is why we have multiple versions of CSI, NCIS and CM (Criminal Minds). But CBS took a big chance by moving The Big Bang Theory after its breakout ratings year to Thursday which was previously occupied for most of last decade by Survivor. And then paired the new show with the least amount of buzz, $#!% My Dad Says. Will this gamble pay off? We will find out Friday when the ratings come in. If it doesn’t pay off expect The Mentalist: Boise in the timeslot next year.

Around the Tubes vol. LXVII

I have gotten a plethora of cool press releases have been flooding my inbox recently that you may find interesting. This post will include blurbs on Chuck, The Event, Boardwalk Empire, Real Time with Bill Maher, Syfy, ParTea, Ripley's Believe it or Not, Hawthorne, and Memphis Beat.

- Chuck returns Monday at 8:00 and here’s hoping there are no Superman sighting (though I wouldn’t mind the return of Lana Lang). Here is Zach Levi, Yvonne Strahovski and straight from the success of The Expendables, guest star Dolph Lungran talking about the new season.



- After the Chuck premiere is the start of The Event. For those that cannot wait until Monday (and live near New York City), on Sunday night they will be screening the Pilot in Times Square at 7:00.

- It is odd to lead an article calling the upcoming television bleak but suggests nine shows to watch (granted only two are network shows) and only six to shun. Head over to The Daily Beast to see what shows they are.

- One show you can see on the above list, and basically everyone’s must watch this fall list is Boardwalk Empire on HBO (except mine because I am too cheap to subscribe, but I will defiantly be anticipating the show when it comes out on Blu-Ray). Below is a promo of the show that starts up this Sunday at 9:00, or just head over to its Facebook page for an extended promo.



- As for show returning to HBO this weekend, Real Time with Bill Maher returns tonight at 10:00. If you are too cheap for HBO like me, check Podcasts I Listen To in the sidebar and you can download audio versions of the show for free on iTunes.

- Syfy has some new programming coming this fall and here is a teaser of what is coming up:



- Are you an opinionated fan of politics and own an iPhone/Pad/touch? If so you may want to check out the apt for ParTea (nice play on words) for the low, low price of free (but only for a limited time). ParTea America lets users record battles and send them to friends or foes, while allowing the general public to comment via text or audio. And if your argument is good enough it may even be added to the Featured Section.

- The latest Ripley's Believe It or Not! Enter If You Dare! is out now and features stories about a 26 hour soccer match (featuring 500 goals), a blind one armed golfer who hit a hole in one (which is one more than I have), and find out which professional athlete got traded for a twenty-five pound turkey. Check out a spread from the book below (click to enlarge).



- “Sugar” Shane Mosley and Sergio Mora will be fighting tomorrow and if who wantto watch the match in HD, head over to FathomEvents.com to see if it will be playing at a theater near you.

- For those in Boston, they are going to relight the famous Boston CITGO Sign in Kenmore Square tonight during the 7th Inning Stretch of the Red Sox game after being dark the last couple months due to renovations.

- If gambling on football over the weekend isn’t enough for you, check out the odds for the latest season of Dancing with the Stars with the dirty dancer herself Jennifer Grey leading at +200. Check out other current events over at YouWager.

- Fans of Hawthorne and Memphis Beat will be happy to learn that both show has been renewed for a third and second season respectively and are slated to return in 2011.

First Impressions: Survivor: Nicaragua

It is weird to think how much the world has changed in the short amount of time I have inhabited this planet. Thanks to the fall of the Berlin War, Europe looks completely different then when I entered grade school. Nicaragua was a war zone growing up and now they are hosting game shows in the country and Sandinistas and Contras are just album names by The Clash and Vampire Weekend (though the later admits they named it after the NES game).

Nicaragua thankfully is the first Russell Hantz free installment of Survivor in over a year. Though with just the first episode under our belt, all the contestants this year seem a little too nice, in fact is was a pretty pedestrian start to the season after all the bombast of the previous All-Star season. Even without any All-Stars, that doesn’t mean we didn’t’ get a familiar face as former Dallas Cowboy coach and current Fox commentator Jimmie Johnson who promptly started puking during his first night.

We do get two new twists this season. As mentioned previous, this year’s tribes are divided by age, over forties in one tribe and under thirty in another. This probably means that they will switch them up within a month. I kind of wished they would have gone four tribes, twenties, thirties, forties and fifties. The other new twist may be the worst idea the show has had. The Medallion of Power allows the owner gets a head start in challenges and if they choose to use the medallion it will then go to the other tribe. Lame.

The only other contestant of note besides Johnson is the second amputee in the history of Survivor, and first female to walk around the island in a prosthetic. Though I have been starring at the photo of Kelly Bruno (at right, in the pants) and I swear she has two feet there. Did Survivor really Photoshop toes on her for her individual promotion shot but not in the cast photo above? It is interesting the dichotomy between the two tribes where Johnson said they should bring him to the final because no jury would award him a million dollars where the younger tribe talk about how they want to get Bruno out soon because she would be a lock to win Survivor if she made it to the end. Alright it is time to name the hottest hot chick on the beach and who I predict to win.

Contestant I’d Most Like to Have Dirty, Dirty Sex with Even if She Hasn’t Take a Shower in a Month: Alina Wilson

Winner: Kent State’s own Jill Behm

Survivor: Nicaragua airs Wednesdays at 8:00 on CBS. You can stream episodes on CBS.com. You can also download Survivor on iTunes.

Lyrics Quiz: Last Played

I was playing around with iTunes the other day (but not with Ping which manages to be an even more worthless social networking site than Twitter) and though it would be interesting to see which songs that I have gone without playing the longest. The winner by far was Best of Me, Pt. 2 by Mya featuring Jay-Z hasn’t been played since 2005, the year after I first downloaded iTunes (yet managed to get played twelve times that year). The next closest hasn’t been played in three years and here are those songs. As always leave your guesses, both artist and song title, in the comment section or e-mail me. If you are correct I will un-bold the lyric. Please keep in mind the lyrics quiz is for entertainment purposes only so please only use your own meandering mind to guess them. Now onto the lyric quiz:


1. I was a high school loser, never made it with a lady, ‘til the boys told me something I missed. (Walk This Way - Run-DMC and Areosmith; guessed by Rebekah)
2. Acting funny but I don’t know why. ‘Scuse my while I kiss the sky. (Purple Haze - Jimi Henrix Experience; guessed by Rebekah)
3. I fear that I am ordinary just like everyone.
4. You never close your eyes anymore when I kiss your lips. And there’s no tenderness like before in your fingertips. (You've Lost That Lovin' Feelin' - the Righteous Brothers; guessed by Rebekah)
5. Breathing is the hardest thing to do with all I’ve said and all that’s dead for you.
6. So I have some to my dog when he began to beg. And then he licked his bowl and looked at me and did the wild thing on my leg. (Funky Cold Medina - Tone Loc; guested by Rebekah)
7. Hey! What gives you the right to put up a fence and keep me out, or to keep Mother Nature in? If God was here, he’d tell it to your face, man, you're some kind of sinner. (Signs - Tesla; guessed by Rebekah)
8. Tell me why everything turned around? Packing up, shacking up, is all you wanna do. (Go Your Own Way - Fleetwood Mac; guessed by Rebekah)
9. You finally make it home and the fun begins. You try to pass out but here comes the spins. So you turn and toss, then you toss and turn. Your head gets light and your chest starts to burn. So you lay on your stomach and you tuck in your chin. Pail by your bedside, now the breathing begins.
10. I can feel your body when I’m lying in bed. There’s too much confusion going around through my head.
11. I sit on the stairs ‘cause I’d rather be alone. If I can’t have you right now, I’ll wait here. (Patience - Guns 'n' Roses; guessed by Kyra)
12. Rev me up, rev me up my little buttercup. We can tug sheets, snuggle up and get stuck.
13. But as the scenery grows, I see in different lights. The shades and shadows undulate in my perception.
14. I must confess I still believe if I’m not with you I lose my mind.
15. 'Cause I wanna be good for you, I didn’t mean to be bad. But darling I’m still the best that you ever had.
16. What’s a matter with the car I’m driving, can’t you tell that it’s out of style? Should I get a set a white wall tires, are you gonna cruise the miracle mile? (It's Still Rock and Roll to Me - Billy Joel; guessed by Rebekah)
17. I bet you’re hard to get over. I bet the moon just won’t shine. I bet my hands I can stay here. I bet you need more than you mind. (If You're Gone - Matchbox Twenty; guessed by Rebekah)
18. If I ever get out of here, thought of giving it all away to a registered charity. All I need is a pint a day. (Band On the Run - Paul McCartney and Wings; guessed by Rebekah)
19. No, I can’t forget this evening or your face as you were leaving. But I guess that’s just the way the story goes. (Without You - Harry Nilsson; guessed by Rebekah)
20. And I don’t know, I could crash and burn but maybe at the end of this road I might catch a glimpse of me.
21. You shut your mouth. How can you say I go about things the wrong way? I am human and I need to be love just like everyone else does.
22. She’s just like a maze where all of the walls all continually change.
23. I can’t get any rest. People say I’m obsessed. Everything you say is lies but to me there’s no surprised.
24. This ain’t got (expletive deleted) to do with shampoo, but watch your head ‘n’ shoulders. Brother older bold enough to fold, yo, I told ya.
25. Oh she may be weary. Them young girls they do get weary wearing the same old shaggy dress.

Toss Up: Modern Family vs. Parenthood

When television schedules were announced last year, I marked Wednesdays on my calendar are a good family block with two new shows, Parenthood at 8:00 and Modern Family at 9:00. Both were similar in that they both focused on an extended family which made for easy comparisons. Unfortunately Parenthood got yanked from the schedule and when it popped up it was at the unfamily friendly timeslot of 10:00 on Tuesdays (where it returns tonight). But despite the separation, they were still the best two new network programs and so I thought I would do an old school toss up to see which family show was in fact better.


90’s Sitcom Refugee
Modern Family: Al Bundy
Parenthood: Coach
Winner: Modern Family

Created By
Modern Family: Christopher Lloyd who may or may not be Doc Brown
Parenthood: The guys who brought us Arrested Development and Friday Night Lights
Winner: Parenthood

Younger Brothers Is…
Modern Family: ADHD
Parenthood: Autistic
Winner: Modern Family

Mom from Boston Legal
Modern Family: Carol Vessey
Parenthood: Monica Potter
Winner: Modern Family

Mr. Mom
Modern Family: Cameron Tucker
Parenthood: Joel Graham
Winner: Modern Family

Costume of Choice
Modern Family: Clown
Parenthood: Pirate
Winner: Parenthood

Temptresses
Modern Family: Phil’s ex-girlfriend Judy Greer
Parenthood: Joel’s PTA buddy
Winner: Parenthood

Dude from The Class
Modern Family: Jesse Tyler Ferguson
Parenthood: Jason Ritter
Winner: Modern Family

Absentee Dad
Modern Family: Manny’s father
Parenthood: Crosby
Winner: Parenthood

Underaged Daughter Who, Thank Chris Hansen, Is Over 18 in Real Life
Modern Family: Haley
Parenthood: Haddie
Winner: Modern Family

Ethnic Diversity
Modern Family: Al Bundy married a Latina
Parenthood: Cosby hooked up with a black chick
Winner: Modern Family

Guest Stars
Modern Family: Edward Norton, Elizabeth Banks
Parenthood: Dr. Harold Abbott, Lyla Garrity
Winner: Parenthood

Theme Song
Modern Family: Bob Dylan’s Forever Young
Parenthood: an instrumental
Winner: Parenthood

There you have it, Modern Family squeaks out a victory 7-6. Parenthood airs Tuesdays at 10:00 starting tonight. You can stream episodes on Hulu. You can also download Parenthood on iTunes. Modern Family airs Wednesdays starting next week at 9:00. You can stream episodes on Hulu. You can also download Modern Family on iTunes.

Previewing The League 2.x

Despite having the best dramas on basic cable, FX struggles on the comedy side thing. Sure Louis has been funny but it certainly isn’t must see TV or something worth talking about around the watercooler. Last year’s The League had its moments but nothing that really stuck out as particularly funny and was one of those comedies that tried too hard to cross the preverbal line.

Tonight is a new season, both of the television show and the football season which means it is time for a new draft. And the boys are going all out this year, drafting in Vegas, with reality dater Chad Ochocinco. There is a funny bit about how they determine their draft order, but I really do not recall much else laughable aside from someone being excited about drafting Monterio Hardesty.

Same goes for episode which sees the inclusion of a new league member when Ruxin’s recruits his brother-in-law who seems to know even less about football than Taco. On the plus side, my sources tell me that Cleveland Brown Joshua Cribbs will make an appearance this season making him the second Kent State alumni to appear on the show after Antonio Gates last season. Granted my alma mater deserves better.

The League airs Thursdays at 10:30 on FX. You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download The League on iTunes.

57 Channels and Only This Is On vol. CXLVII

Quote of the Week: All we need is Boyz II Men and we’d have a prom. (Tanya, Rubicon)

Song of the Week: (They Long to Be) Close to You – The Carpenters (as hummed by Hank, Terriers)

Big News of the Week: TNT Is Heading to Dallas: For those that had Dallas in your office pool of what eighties project Hollywood would exploit next, collect your prize (I unfortunately drew The Greatest American Hero). Although, I thought that there was a movie in the works with Eva Longoria. But anyway. Much like the unwatchable 90210 rehash, the show will focus on the next generation, with the offspring of brothers JR and Bobby Ewing taking center stage. No word yet on when the show will show up on TNT.

Leverage: You can never go wrong with the Dead Hooker Con (which is what the real name of the con was). Though I really could not follow the cat and mouse game between Nate and the Italian. She really wanted him to believe she intended to kill him in hopes that he would go after the target without her? I really do not get it. You can stream recent episodes on TNT.tv. You can also download Leverage on iTunes.

Rubicon: In the first couple episodes, the comic relief seemed shoehorned in and almost like a completely different show, but the show is doing a much better job blending the humor in. I especially like Tanya chiding Grant for not getting the Boyz II Men (though it is about time for a comeback because R&B sucked last decade). reference when the group hasn’t been big since her prom and Cale’s general condescending nature during his test. You can download Rubicon on iTunes.

Also check out my first impressions of the season and series premieres of Sons of Anarchy and Terriers.

Free Download of the Week: Americana Music Awards Sampler (Amazon MP3): Features song by The Avett Brothers, John Hiatt and Steve Earle.

Deal of the Week: The Big Blu Ray Sale (The Dark Knight, Chuck Seasons 1 and 2, The Never Ending Story)

Video of the Week: A new Kristen Bell movie hits the big screen and when she is not campaigning for a revival of Veronica Mars, she apparently is getting in verbal catfights with the cast of You Again. Heartbreakers. Ha ha.

You Again Cast Fight

You Again Cast Fight from Betty White

Next Week Pick of the Week: Survivor, Wednesday at 8:00 on CBS: Survivor is switching it up again this time dividing up its tribes by age in Nicaragua. Granted if I were a bookkeeper, I would set the over/under for how long until the switch up the tribes at 3.5 episodes. Here’s hoping they named the tribes Sandinistas and Contras (and not because of the Clash or Vampire Weekend albums).

In other premiere news, two show are getting early previews after this week’s episodes of America’s Got Talent and I do not think it is a coincidence they both have ties to the 2002 cinema classic Swinf@n. Erika Christensen returns for the second season of Parenthood on Tuesday (which will be its regular night) and the object of her affection Jesse Bradford shows up on Wednesday (before settling into its regular Friday death slot) in the cast of Outlaw, a show about the most conservative member of the Supreme Court who resigns to fight for the little guy. Another Parenthood tie is that Ellen Woglom, who is the best part of Outlaw, could past as Monica Potter’s younger sister. Outlaw tries a little too hard to be House set in a courtroom, but the first episode does feature the RZA.

You will have to wait until next week until another Swimf@n alum gets his own show when The Event starring Jason Ritter premieres September 20. No word when NBC will be giving Shiri Appleby her own show.