57 Channels and Only This Is On - 4/14/12

Mad Men: There are very few things I hate less on television than dream sequences. They are basically writers saying, you know that five minutes you just invested yourself in? Psych! It was just a dream. But the thing about the dream sequence in this week’s episode is I sniffed it out as a dream sequence as soon as the mistress knocked on the door. And of course Don poorly pushing her dead body under the bed made it quite clear that it was a dream sequence (though it is not entirely clear when exactly reality stopped and the dream started, did she really show up at Don’s door? Did she leave after they made coitus? Or maybe it was not a dream sequence and Megan disposed of the body. I wonder how this affects the Over / Under of how many episodes it takes this season until Don cheats on Megan.)

The Voice: Before the episode on Monday I wrote on my Facebook page that Christina Aguilera was the only reason to tune in because I figured before anyone sang a note, Mathai, Tony Lucca, and Pip were guaranteed to get America’s Vote barring one of them running off stage crying mid-performance (and I was right) and Cee-Lo’s team would suck massively (and for the most part I was right). I did not realize just how right I was in saying Christina was the reason to tune in (even though at the time I thought it was to see if she managed to look attractive for a second straight week which she did).

Then out of nowhere she calls Lucca one dimensional, I was so shocked had I had a DVR I would have rewound that to make sure I actually heard what I just heard. Christina has always been the most critical coach, but how she drop kicked him under the bus like that (and the show’s producers at the same time for casting him) was quite jaw dropping. But here is the thing, Christina, even if her delivery was not the best, was complete right with what she said. I own multiple albums by Lucca, love his version of Devil Town, and though his version of Trouble was one of the best of the Blind Audition, but his Battle Round performance and this week were lackluster and if I were Christina I would be pissed if I had on my team the best technical sing in the competition as well as the most entertaining performer and I lost because Justin Timberlake got his millions of fans to blindly vote for Tony when there are clearly to anyone watching there are much better singers than Tony. Not only do I no long think Lucca is the best performer this season, based on this week, I no longer think he is the best singer on his own team.

Although critical at times, Christina was pretty much spot on all night including when she called Mathai’s performance “loungy” which I completely agree with. But I completely disagree with Christina’s intent. For me loungy is not an insult and coming from he is is high praise and Mathai clearly had the best performance on the night. With all the guitarists on stilts, male strippers, and faceless political henchmen, it takes true talent to be captivating with just a mic stand with you on stage and Mathai was (even with the gratuitous up-close armpit shot). Her performance was the closest to Dia Frampton’s breakout performance of Heartless last season.

But god bless Cee Lo Green, he was horrible at picking his team (I cannot believe he actually talked about this multiple time about how much Twitter disagreed with his Battle Round selections) but you sure know how to pick songs even if you overdo it on the set pieces like when Tony Vincent looked like he was performing in Marilyn Manson’s interpretation of The Wall. I audibly laughed when he picked Don’t Leave Me This Way for Cheesa and yet it managed to work. On the flip side I yelled, “Nooo!!!” at the screen when Kim Yarbrough suggested to Adam that she do Rolling in the Deep breaking my Cardinal Rule for karaoke shows. Adam really failed as a coach to let her do this.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. Download songs from this episode using the widget at right.

How I Met Your Mother: Well, at least we are guaranteed that we will finally meet the mother sometime in the next two seasons. Unless the show pulls some crap and the mother is actually a step-mother.
You can stream recent episodes over at cbs.com. You can also download How I Met Your Mother on iTunes.

Survivor: One World: I love tribal councils when so many people get multiple votes, the only thing that would have been better had it been Troyzan that had the most votes and for the first time since Heroes and Villains (and to my best recollection only the third time a played Idol affected the outcome). But you have to wonder what exactly the game plans are for Leif and Tarzan (who had the best moment of the episode when he managed to fall off his perch just as Probst was saying the challenge was starting). I hate Colton and everything, but at least he was smart enough to create a misfit alliance, I wonder why no one has thought to resurrect it and bring in Christina, and trying to get at least one more girl. Too bad Troyzan let his ego get in the way and voted out Mike last week because not it is too late to get a counter alliance going because I do not see the five girls in the original alliance cracking at this point.
You can stream recent episodes over at cbs.com.



Suburgatory: Dalia has a therapy season with James Lipton and a dog and adopts a kangaroo. I cannot believe I typed a sentence like that.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Suburgatory on iTunes.

Community: An episode dedicated to a lack of shame? Wow, when the show fails, it fails big.
You can stream current episodes on Hulu. You can also download Community on iTunes.

Best of the Week - 4/13/12

Quote of the Week: Anybody want to get weird and play Mario Kart? (Chloe, Don't Trust the B---- in Apartment 23)

Song of the Week: Infinity Guitars – Sleigh Bells (Don’t Trust the B---- in Apartment 23)

Scene of the Week:



Big News of the Week: Good Riddance Bye Rick Santorum: James Carville is famous for saying “It’s the economy stupid” and that is a great barometer for presidential contests, but there may be one thing more powerful than the economy: Money. So even though he won a couple states and made some talking heads doubt Mitt Romney’s inevitability, I never thought Rick Santorum had a shot at the Republican nomination despite his position as the top Not-Romney candidate. And just how much dos the Republican base hate Romney that the Tea Partiers would rally behind Santorum who introduced a lot of pork during his time in the senate or the evangelicals who view Catholicism much a cult as Mormonism. So goodbye Rick, just do not think your second place showing this year make you think you have a chance in four to eight years because this year was just a case of part of the Republican base hating you less than Mitt Romney and you have no chance the next cycle when stronger candidates like Chris Christie, Mitch Daniels, and / or Jeb Bush run. Sarah Palin may even steal votes from your nutjob wing of the part next time around.

Preview Picture of the Week:

Amish: Out of Order  Tuesday at 10:00 on National Geographic Channel

Free Download of the Week: Coachella All-Stars (Google Play): The music festival is this weekend and for those that are not making the trip this year, you can pick up a playlist of 15 songs from artists playing this including The Verve, Daft Punk, and Snoop Dogg for free.

Deal of the Week: Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Artists for $3.99: The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame takes place tomorrow (sans Axl Rose who does not want to be inducted because he is a douche who does not like that the Hall is inducting his former band mates too because apparently Bumblefoot is more worthy of induction than Slash) and to honor the occasion Amazon has lowered some albums by artists already in Pink Floyd and U2 and new inductees like Beastie Boys and Guns n Roses:



New Album Release of the Week: Picture Show - Neon Trees

New DVD Release of the Week: Frozen Planet: The Complete Series (David Attenborough-Narrated Version) [Blu-ray]

Video of the Week: I am not a big fan of Twitter, I find it un-American to limit free speech to under a hundred or so characters. But I did recently sign up for the service basically just to shamelessly plug new articles here at the 9th Green and it also gives me another avenue to stalk Kristen Bell (but mostly because of the latter). Amidst my unusual shameless plus, I made an tweet saying “I'm trying to figure out how to vote for The Shields Brothers! to advance on The Voice but for some reason they are not listed on the voting page” (In my true anti-Twitter fever I was extremely angry that I had to leave of a period to the post due to the lack of characters left; it’s bad form to sacrifice correct punctuation.) Apparently the brothers enjoyed my sentiments that even because the first celebrities ever to retweet me. And scrolling their twitter feed I noticed they released a video of the song they would have performed at the Live Show had they not been unceremoniously bounced from the show for the painfully bad Erin Martin. Since they were nice to retweet me, here is their version of We Are Young by fun. featuring what looks to be Ava Crowder’s baby sister.



Next Week Pick of the Week: Revenge, Wednesday at 10:00 on ABC: I was not thrill with how the last two episodes of Revenge played out when it turned out that Jack did not kill Daniel like we were led to believe in the series premiere but instead it was the rent boy killed by the sensei. But as it turns out absence does make the heart grow stronger because I am more then ready for the show to return after more than a month hiatus.

Around the Tubes - 4/12/12

I have gotten a plethora of cool press releases have been flooding my inbox recently that you may find interesting. This post will include blurbs on Girls, Amish: Out of Order, BlackBoxTV, Eureka, The Biggest Loser, The Song That Changed My Life, Nurse Jackie, Web Therapy, and, The Real L Word.

- After ruling the movie theaters for the past decade, Judd Apatow is getting back into the television game when Girls premieres this Sunday at 10:30 on HBO and here is Apatow talking with Girls creator and star Lena Dunham about the show.



- If you are like me and are still bitter that Amish in the City never received a second season, I have a television show for you: Amish: Out of Order. If the title alone is not enough to get you to tune in next Tuesday at 10:00. Here is a clip from the show:

The Cage Fighter


- Tomorrow Collective Digital Studios will be re-launching BlackBoxTV, a YouTube channel which features Thriller and Sci-Fi programming. Keep in mind tomorrow is also Friday the 13 (natch). Head over to the YouTube page for a preview.

- Just a reminder, the final season of Eureka kicks off Monday at 9:00 on Syfy.

- This week on the Biggest Loser, First Lady Michelle Obama issued an important goal for the contestants and viewers: sign up for the PALA+ Challenge! The Presidential Active Lifestyle Award Challenge promotes a healthy lifestyle with physical activity and good nutrition. Learn more now: nbc.com/pala.

- On this week’s episode of The Song That Changed My Life, Jack and White (not to be confused with the White Stripes singer) are featured. Upcoming episodes will include Fictionist, Sixpence None the Richer, Over the Rhine, and Dar Williams.

- Knick Carmelo Anthony guest star in this Sunday’s episode of Nurse Jackie. No, seriously.

- In other Showtime news, the network has announced the premiere dates for new seasons of Web Therapy (Monday, July 2 at 11:00) and The Real L Word (Thursday July 12 at 10:00).

- And for this week’s political story, here is an infograph about GOP presidential candidates and email presented by Silverpop.

The Next One Is Coming Faster

Mags Bennett was such a force of nature, and one of the greatest Big Bad’s ever in the history of television, you could not help that during the Justified off season, just how are they going to replace her. Well you go out and cast one of the best bad guy actors of the past decade Neal McDonough (and them supplement him with Bubba Gump). And as great as McDonough was been in his previous baddie role, he and his creepy baby head really went all out in this role as a sadistic mob boss adopted son with a taste for rent boys and literally a firearm up his sleeve.

But the third season of Justified was much different than the sophomore outing which swelled and crested every couple episodes where the most recent was much more a slow build to that final showdown (aside from the tease when Raylan asked Quarrels “Why Wait?” only to wait another three episodes for the actual showdown). The slow burn was more like the first season, but unlike the debut season which was sprinkled with a bunch of standalone “procedural” episodes, the third really only had one of those when Karen Sisco Goodall made an appearance and those breaks were really missing this season.

Instead the entire season was a four person chess match between Raylan, Boyd Crowder, Limehouse and carpetbagger Quarrels with a bunch of moving pawns like Dicky Bennett, Errol (who I just recently learned was not in fact named Arrow), two sheriffs, Arlo, Winn Duffy and his great reaction shots. And those players spent most of season on a wild goose chase for Mags’ dirty coal money with Limehouse artfully getting all the players outside a motel with guns drawn when the real money was safely under Loretta McCready’s mattress waiting to not be spent on a Van Halen themed Sweet 16 party. (This begs the question why has no one started a Save Loretta from Tim Allen campaign yet? Is it because I am the only one actually watching Last Man Standing?)

But none of the chess players ended up dyeing last week setting up one epic showdown between the four principals this week. Except it was not so epic. The climactic scene played out like the rest of the season, great dialogue (“it’s a piggy bank!), some notable action (goodbye Quarrels’ arm), and a funny moment (Raylan kicking Quarrels’ arm away from him) but I could not help wanting more. I could not help but think we the audience was Wynona (who’s apparently still on the show) when Raylan was telling her the story at the end.

As great as the character was, the writers said they killed off Mags last season because there was nowhere else to go with her, so why is Quarrels still on this mortal coil (I am assuming he did not bleed out)? Since they have him on Wynona’s ex-husband murder, and probably countless other lesser charges, the one armed man is going to be in prison for a while along with other pawns this season Dicky, Winn (another one I am surprised survived the season after Raylan threw a bullet at him earlier this season and said, “The next one is coming faster”), and Arlo (depending on whether insanity is a defense in Kentucky). Sure having him around could expand the Theo Tonin into a major plot next season. Or maybe FX is beefing up the cast of my proposed jailhouse spinoff with Dicky and Dewey Crowe that can now add those three to the cast. Please FX, make that happen.

Justified 3.x gets a on my Terror Alert Scale. You can stream episodes on Hulu. You can also download Justified on iTunes.

Previewing Don't Trust the B---- in Apartment 23

What is it with ABC and their crappy television show names? Last year they picked up two shows that had a word in them too racy for television that by the time they actually hit the small screen that they both underwent some name surgery. Last month Good Christian (Expletive Deleted) got shortened to GCB because apparently no one over at ABC realized that no one would know what the show by its initials. Then tomorrow the alphabet network premieres Don’t Trust the B---- in Apartment 23 which started out without the dashes. Both title make $#*! My Dad Says seem like a reasonable title in comparison. What worse, at some point both shows had reasonable titles: Good Christian Belles and the simple Apartment 23 but now one show is a letter away from being the date rape drug and I have no idea what the correct pronunciation of “B----“ is. But I guess I should not expect good titles from a network that gave us Happy Endings, Cougar Town, Better Off Ted and bungled what could have been the greatest name for a television show ever, Let’s Rob Mick Jagger.

Lame names aside, Apartment 23 is your typical Odd Couple situation with the overtly perky Dreama Walker (Gran Torino) and the extremely evil Krysten Ritter (Veronica Mars). Naturally Ritter plays the title character that takes in roommates then scares them off to pocket their security deposit for herself unto Walker becomes the first roommate to fight backs which endears her Ritter for some reason and they stay roommates (though a series where Ritter scares off a new roommate every week could have been entertaining).

The show plays like a middle class version of 2 Broke Girls where the newly unemployed Walker has to move in with someone completely different from who she was used to back in Ohio (or maybe Indiana). Unfortunately the show also shares Two Broke Girls’ penchant for worthless side characters. Instead of the annoyingly horny line cook, there is a annoyingly horny across the street neighbor who leers at the girls sans pants. There is Walker’s new boss who seems to only be there for one liners much like Garrett Morris. There is also someone that lives down the hall who was a former roommate victim who switches back and forth between hating Ritter and stalking her randomly.

Of course there is also James Van Der Beek (The Rules of Attraction) as Ritter’s best friend James Van Der Beek (Varsity Blues) so it looks like we will finally get the answers of just how many Dawson's Creek jokes could there possibly be. Spoiler Alert!: doubtfully enough to sustain the seven episode season let alone a long series run. It reminds me of that horrible show where Jennifer Grey (Dirty Dancing) played Jennifer Grey (Red Dawn) whose name I cannot remember and do not care enough to look up but the it was like, you know, painfully bad.

But much like how Kat Dennings carries 2 Broke Girls, Dreama Walker makes if worth turning into Apartment 23 at least in the short run (the show may need an overhaul if it comes back for a full second season), she plays the aw shucks newbie to NYC perfectly and is a spitfire when she goes head to head with Krysten Ritter who is a much stronger number two then Beth Behrs. And plus it is hard not to down with a show that features the line, “Anybody want to get weird and play Mario Kart?” Yes, yesI do.

Don’t Trust the B---- in Apartment 23 airs Wednesdays at 9:30 on ABC. If you cannot wait, the first two episodes are currently streaming on Hulu. You can also download them both on Don't Trust the B---- in Apartment 23 on iTunes for free.

I Want My Music Television - 4/9/12

There have been a couple of videos that have caught my eye lately so I thought I’d give them some love since the death of Musical Television left a void for a forum on the art form. If you are interested in buying the video through iTunes, click the title link (where available). If you are interested in buying the song, look for a link in the analysis.


Happy Pills – Norah Jones



You just knew when you heard the latest song from Norah Jones that the video would feature murdering some dude. I also like that te video featured Norah in the shower (and not just for the obvious reason) because when I first heard the song, “out, I’m gonna get you out…” made me think Happy Pills is the twenty-first century version of I'm Gonna Wash That Man Right Outa My Hair.


Blood for Poppies - Garbage



It has been bout a decade since Garbage released any new material and for the first single back, it sounds like they never left with them still making dirty pop records. Although am not totally convinced that Shirley wasn’t hermetically sealed in-between albums because she hasn’t aged a day.


Sixteen Saltines - Jack White



The newest Jack White music video features a dude eaching a penut butter and jelly sandwich of trhe ceiling and it does not even crack the top ten weirdest thing that happens in the video. Seriously.


Let's Roll - Yelawolf and Kid Rock



Didn’t Bubba Sparxxx try the hillbilly rap a decade ago and was met with a resounding yawn? I am not sure I will picking up too many Yelawolf stock.