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Saturday, January 14, 2006
It's All About the Hamiltons
There have been a couple of videos that have caught my eye lately so I though I’d give them some love since the death of Musical Television left a void for a forum on the art form. First I like to mention the latest addition to the iTunes library, classic Saturday Night Live skits. Granted they seem a little overpriced because the price of a skit is the same as the price of a whole episode of Lost, $1.99. They are also selling Best of… collection at $9.99 a pop and even have one for Jimmy Fallon which must be over an hour of dead air. Unfortunately you cannot buy the skits here separately so you can just get the Cowbell skit from the Best of Christopher Walken. So if you want to take a look at what they have, including the great Lazy Sunday rap from a couple weeks ago from where I stole the title of this post, click on the ad in my sidebar. For the other videos, I advise you to watch them first (the links to the video are the bold headers, inside the post will lead you to iTunes) before you read my reviews so I don’t ruin things.
Fiona Apple – Not About Love
Just when you think it’s going to be yet another pretentious, self involved Fiona Apple video, the camera jerks as comic Zach Galifianakis ends up lip syncing the words. The best part of this is that he didn’t even bother learning the lyrics and is blatantly reading them off his paper. The best is when the lyrics get over pretentious and Zach turns to Fiona and gives the “what the hell does this even mean” look. Then the video gets even better when they hit the streets. Absolutely brilliant. Fiona even manages to crack a smile during the video. Now if there were a video outlet that would actually play this.
The White Stripes – The Denial Twist
This is another video with a little comedic help this time from Late Night’s Conan O’Brian. But O’Brian is the side note to a mind trip of a video. No matter how many times I see it, I can’t quite figure it out even though they scan the whole set at the end. No wonder why O’Brian got self conscience with his expanding head. But in the end, another great addition to the already impressive video library of The White Stripes.
Weezer – Perfect Situation
Even though their music has been spotty in recent years, Weezer still puts out some of the best videos. Here we get an alternative universe where an earlier version of Weezer, named Weeze, was fronted by the token hot chick from 24 and Rivers was just a roadie. The hot chick does a great job channeling Courtney Love but I was a little disappointed that they don’t explain how Weezer got the “R” added to their name. But maybe there will be a sequel.
Ray-J – Clocks
Okay this is just live footage but his performance of the great Coldplay song goes into the "so bad it becomes entertaining" category. Listen at your own risk.
As a reminder, tomorrow is the 15th of the month so it will be time for a new Lyrics Quiz. As a hint, Best of 1996 will be the themes so make sure you study up on the songs from that year. I should have the quiz posted by noon, so make sure you show up before all the one you know are guessed so you can get on my winners list and a free plug. Also I would like to congratulate myself as this is my 300th post on the 9th Green. Hopefully my next 300 are more entertaining.
Friday, January 13, 2006
First Impressions - Beauty and the Geek 2
![Beauty and the Geek is back for another round](http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/5031/827/320/beautyandthegeek2.jpg)
So one can expect a falloff from a show like Beauty and the Geek and there is even a possibility that some of the hot chicks faked dumb to get on the show although on the flip side, it can be pretty hard to fake geeky. There’s even a dental assistant in the beauty group and really how dumb can that girl be? At least I’m hoping that someone who sticks sharp objects in my mouth has had plenty of formal education no matter how attractive she is. But to keep the contestants on their toes they already switched things up giving one team the power to change up the pairing however they want.
![Look for Josh to have a mental breakdown this season](http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/5031/827/320/josh.jpg)
There is even a celebrity in the cast, well if you consider someone in the Guinness Book of World Records
As for the ladies, none of them stick out like last year’s lingerie model, Lauren Bergfeld. But this season does include Amanda Horan the hairstylist, Brittany Knott who is labeled “the innocent one” which I have a feeling is nice for the dumbest, beer spokesmodel Cher Tenbush, Danielle Gonzalez the cocktail waitress, Jennipher (yes that’s how she spells it) Johnson the camp counselor, Sarah Coleman is the dental assistant, Thais is your token model this year, and Tristin Clow who one up’s Danielle and is a cocktail waitress/shot girl. And since I’m shallow here’s how I rank the girls:
![She's no Laurn Bergfeld, but I still hook up with Tristan](http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/5031/827/320/tristan.jpg)
2. Thais
3. Brittany
4. Sarah
5. Cher
6. Danielle
7. Amanda
8. Jennipher (yes that’s how she spells it)
Verdict: No where near as entertaining as My Name Is Earl, but still worth taping because there is a good chance Josh has a mental breakdown. As for a prediction I say Sarah and Wes end up winning.
Thursday, January 12, 2006
Toss Up: Lost vs, Wait, Where's Veronica Mars?
![Mr Eko ready to put the smack down on Charlie](http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/5031/827/320/normal_psalm03.jpg)
Much like Ana Lucia, and unlike the first flashback from the originals, Eko’s flashback doesn’t explain why he ended up on the plane but I think it is easy to assume that Eko was in search of his brother and had a layover in Australia. Although if you are in Nigeria, wouldn’t it be faster to reach Los Angeles going West? Unfortunately Mapquest doesn’t have a fastest route between the two. But Anyways. I also think the producer missed out on a great storyline and ended up having Eko’s brother survive the crash and then find his way to the third bunker or be captured by the Other because he is a “good” guy.
The big new from last night was that we finally got a better look at the monster which we have only see once before which could be pointed to as when the show started to lose it’s luster. All throughout season one, the monster was this huge mystical entity that could easily mutilate a human and tear down trees. Then in the finale, the crazy French chick mentioned it was the island’s security system and when we got a look at it, the monster turned out to be black smoke. But that was just a quick glance and last night we got a longer look at, and inside the monster. So apparently the monster is a fan of traveling vessels because it has shown up near the front of plane, near the Black Rock (the slave ship), and near the Nigerian plane. Then the only other time I can remember the monster showing up was when he met up with Locke. So we learned nothing about the monster unless you believe those who saw people from Eko’s past when the camera went inside it (click picture below to make larger).
![Do you see anyone in here?](http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/5031/827/320/23psalm-cap407.jpg)
Elsewhere on the island we learned a little more about Charlie and his statue. Apparently he has been hording the heroin filled statue so it is very possible he has been using again. But I do like the battle between his youth as an alter boy as represented by the Virgin Mary with his adult life of drub abuse to his current link to is currently encased inside the statue. Also we get to see more of Michael and (presumably) Walt’s primitive IM conversation. This just seemed to be filler until the next episode where Michael takes off with a gun to find his boy.
As for Veronica Mars
Wednesday, January 11, 2006
They Say Misery Loves Company
The first thing I do everyday when I fire up the computer and hop onto the internet is to check out ESPN.com, which is my homepage, to check out the main headlines and have the page customized so it also has the top headlines for my favorite team then quickly answer the current poll. But this only takes a couple seconds as I then spend the majority of my time on Page 2 of the site which is basically editorials by some great writers like Bill Simmons and Dan Shanoff who writes the Daily Quickie which is basically a one person, written version of Pardon the Interruption (who rudely reminded me that today is the annaversary of The Drive). But when I open Page 2 yesterday, this image was staring back at me:
![Yep, that what it feels to be a Browns fan](http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/5031/827/320/miserynfl.jpg)
Needless to say as a Browns fan I found the cartoon as painful as the guy in it must felt. The cartoon goes along with Page 2's NFL Misery Index where they rated each team on six criteria to determine which NFL team's fan has suffered the most. Of course my hometown team topped the list beating the Saints out by a whole point and the Houston Oilers/Texans by almost five points. (On a side note, I thought the Oilers turned into the Titans, did I miss something?) But things could have been worse because I think they low-balled the Browns on some of the categories like recent pain was only a 6.0. In the past ten years we had a team unceremoniously move going four years without a team only to come back to be mired in bad drafts and bad coaching. Then in our one playoff appearance, our rivaPittsburghrg came back from behind to beat us for the third time that year. It should at least warrant a 9.0. They then end the Browns section with "Lousy teams, painful losses, a hijacked team. Sheesh. The only thing missing from the Browns' misery is Kathy Bates' crushing their ankles with a sledgehammer." Ouch, that really hurts.
To add to the misery, Page 2 also released its 25 NFL Misery Moments and indeed the Browns had multiple entrees including the top spot. And it is insulting that we had to share the top spot with the Baltimore Colts because Baltimore ended up getting our team and promptly won a Super Bowl. Then we showed up again at number five with The Fumble. Somehow The Drive didn't make the list even though I found it more miserable to watch than The Fumble.
And in an updated MLB Misery Index, my Houston Astros still in the top ten most miserable landing in at number seven. I should really think about picking new teams (as the St. Louis Blues haven't had thatsuccessucsess in my lifetime and outright stink this year). And while on the subject of the Astros, for anyone interested on what is going to happen to Roger Clemens this season, here is the most logical scenerio I can think of. This does hinge on USA not winning the World Baseball Championship so Clemens cannot go out on top there. So because the Astro did go through arbitration to keep Clemens and are unable to sign him until May. Clemens will take the first month off because he will need rest from the WBC anyways. Then when May comes around he will sign with Astros and have a couple warm up games in the minors where he will pitch to his son who was drafted as a catcher by the Astros in last years draft pitching for the big league team by June which will then boost the Astros into contention after yet another poor start eventually reaching the playoffs and hopefully with Preston Wilson and another bat they pick up along the way and win the World Series thus bolting then into double digets for next years Misery Index.
Tuesday, January 10, 2006
First Impressions - Emily's Reasons Way Not
![Emily's Reasons Why Not](http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/5031/827/320/heather_graham1.jpg)
The show itself utilizes narration to guide the show. And if that sounds familiar, it should as every new sitcom does it, and for those keeping track at home that includes My Name Is Earl, Everybody Hates Chris, How I Met Your Mother, The War at Home, and I wouldn’t be surprised if I were missing some. But what sets Emily’s Reasons Why Not apart is ERWN is 75% narration which could be good because I believe Heather Graham
The appearance of Mark Valley
As poor of an actress that Heather Graham, the writing doesn’t help either. It took me forever to figure out what the Reasons Why Not were, and when I finally figured it out I wish I hadn’t. Apparently once Emily figured out five reasons why not to date a guy, she then dumps him. This will be the basis of the rest of the shows: Emily meets a dude, figured out five reasons, dumps him and repeat. The first unlucky guy seems to be gay but turns out he’s Mormon and hilarity doesn’t ensue. Helping her out are a girlfriend who looks like a dud and a gay guy who is nowhere as funny as the gay guy on Will & Grace
Verdict: When does Monday Night Football start up on ESPN? Well not that this show will last that long anyways.
Monday, January 09, 2006
First Impressions - The Book of Daniel
![The Book of Daniel](http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/5031/827/320/bookofdaniel_240.jpg)
So I ended up taping the show to see what the fuss is about and I have to say I was a little disappointed. Not in the entertainment value but after all the hoopla I was expecting Sodom and Gomorra but it was no where near as bad as most stuff on TV today and I would say Lost
The show has a nice blend of well respected actors such as Aidan Quinn
Sadly the least interesting character is Jesus himself who is no where as entertain as God on Joan of Arcadia. Jesus shows up usually whenever Quinn is thinking about taking one of his pills. This is not to be confused with Denis Leary on Rescue Me
Verdict: Not as offensive as some my have you believe and is worth a second or third look. But with a 10:00 on Friday timeslot, make sure to set your VCR.
Sunday, January 08, 2006
I Got the Shakes That'll Make You Quake
![The Longest Yard](http://images.amazon.com/images/P/B000A0GP0Y.01._SCLZZZZZZZ_.jpg)
I have to start off this review by saying that I have never seen the 1974 original
Of course the movie is about the washed up QB in prison but how he gets there is great with cameos by Courtney Cox
Even though most of the inmates and guards are played by former football player, pro wrestlers and other non-actors, most of the characters are so well written, it makes up for any lack of acting experience. Ultimate Fighter Bob Sapp is great as the mentally slow Switowski, Michael Irvin in a role before he started holding onto his buddies narcotics plays a con who still doesn’t trust Sandler after selling out his teammates in the NFL, and the giant Dalip Singh English was so bad they had to subtitle everything. As for the guards, Stone Cold Steve Austin, Brian Bosworth
But not all the characters are well flashed out. It’s hard to relate to Nelly talking how poor his character is when he has a couple gold teeth and Goldberg one running gag that his, um, chariot swings low, so to speak, gets old before it starts. The cast is filled out with more traditional actors with Chris Rock
The Longest Yard gets a
![Terror Alert Level: High [ORANGE]](https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhebDZ0qqwOVKMZj7oFSUe8Hm3ax54U9Hp1fThJPgiddTyzcdwx_5SV6E3b7hkKyxbaDiym4COmUXT2YJnsKCUjBHI_a2xZtNoY7qFQRslP5AGO5gLkJwn2ZbO0wIF80ycbKrgPPA/s400/small_high.png)
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