57 Channels and Only This Is On - 8/4/12

Quote of the Week: The Russians just moved in two doors down. The wife’s a real sizzling piece of (expletive deleted). The guy is terrifying real Eastern Promises (expletive deleted). Each tattoo is someone he killed. (Doug, Weeds)

Song of the Week: The Man Comes Around – Johnny Cash (Dallas)

Big News of the Week: Chick-Fil-A: With every argument there is usually a right side and a wrong side, sometimes there is some grey area, and in some rare occasion, both sides are horribly wrong, the later is the case in the recent Chick-Fil-A controversy. For those unaware, last week, Chick-Fil-A COO came out against same sex marriage. Not the best idea to alienate a large percentage of the population, but dude has his freedom of speech.

That should have been, for those that were offended by the statement should have just found another fast food place to make them morbidly obese. But no, the opposition had to go just as absurd, organizing sit-ins and same-sex-kiss-ins which only raised the chain’s profile (this was the first time I had ever heard of Chick-Fil-A) and they actually reported record breaking sales. Even worse, politicians in Boston and Chicago set out to ban the chain from their cities. You should never ban any company for saying stupid things, if they forbid certain groups from buying their product, then you can step in, but all Americans are in their right to say stupid things.

But in the end, anyone who argues about, or eats fast food (which I have not done in four years) is a complete moron. Seriously, put the Big Mac down and make yourself a salad.

Preview Picture of the Week:


Weeds: There are very few things I needed to see less that Sugar from Survivor fully naked.

Pretty Little Liars: Um, why are they making Ezra’s mom out to being evil, she is completely right. Their relationship is completely wrong. Take the money and run Aria. And he is not even the creepiest old dud on the show because the doctor has to be way older than him. Erza is plausibly twenty-two, but the doctor has to be pushing thirty and has already made out with two teenagers. Chris Hanson needs a cameo on this show stat.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Pretty Little Liars on iTunes.

Dallas: After being a bit of a bore the first half of the season, Rebecca is getting more and more interesting by the episode. I am guessing I am not the only one who assume that her “brother” (who shockingly is working with Cliff Barnes’s rent boy) was the mastermind of the operation , but he implied is was Rebecca who came to him. I cannot wait to see what is revealed about Rebecca next (c’mon, you know she is not the one who gets the bullet even though he has about fifty more pounds on her right). In fact I could not wait, and watched the finale immediately after I watched this week’s episode, and learning her complete(ish) back-story is quite jaw dropping.
You can download Dallas on iTunes.


Free Download of the Week: Lolapolooza Sampler (Google Play): Get free tracks from Red Hot Chili Peppers, Miike Snow, Afghan Whigs and more.

Deal of the Week: $2.99 Albums: This week Amazon has some deeply discounted album from those on tour this summer including Dave Matthews Band, The Back Keys, Bruce Springsteen, and Jimmy Buffett.


New Album Release of the Week: Lost In Transition - Sixpence None the Richer

New DVD Release of the Week: Grimm: Season One

Video of the Week: I thought the first two Paranormal Activity movies were well made, even if they were the least scary Scary Movies of all time. But I was out with the VHS enhanced third movie and feared a reel to reel version fourth installment. Well my fears were unfounded (for now) as the fourth movie is the first that takes part after the original movie. Aside from the introduction of iChat, it looks like it will be the exact same movie.


Next Week Pick of the Week: Olympics All Week on the NBC Networks: One week down, one more to go. And since it was so successful last time, NBC is using the Olympics to launch shows (sure it infuriated everyone that they switched away from the Closing Ceremony to air the crappy Marriage Ref, but it pulled in big numbers). Animal Practice, which has the best Olympic themed ads this year, gets the post Closing Ceremony treatment next Sunday while the Chandler Bing starring Go On will air after primetime coverage this Wednesday. And to carry momentum from the games, the Monday after they are over NBC will be premiering new show Stars Earn Stripes followed by the second season premiere of Grimm.

It's Like a World's Greatest Hits Collection of Nightmares

Vampires are lame. They just sleep all day, slick their back, and wear a wardrobe that Liberace would consider too over the top. I actually just described a cousin of mine who is a prime candidate for the next season of Tool Academy. And as lame as vampires are, they somehow managed to become even lamer last decade when they all decided to become annoyingly whiney, became impotent (seriously, a vampire that doesn’t kill?!) and then these two hundred year old dudes started hanging out in high school, picking up sixteen year old girls. Someone get Chris Hansen on the phone.

If you want a cool supernatural being, look no further than Zombies: George Romano, Evil Dead, Thriller, Shaun of the Dead, Resident Evil. There is a reason Robert Bartleh Cummings did not use for his pseudonym Rob Vampire. Now it is time to add another win for Zombies column in their battle vs. Vampires: Zombieland.

Zombieland is one of those movies you can pretty much tell is going to be great just by the title along. That thought was validated with first look at the trailer with a banjo swinging Woody Harrelson set to Van Halen’s Everybodt Want Some!! And Zombieland isn’t one of those comedies where the only funny two minutes are jammed into the trailer; in fact the high point of the film features the greatest cameo ever, yes even better than Bob Barker beating up Happy Gilmore.

The plot revolves around Jesse Eisenberg (Cursed) who manages to have as many friends after the zombies took out almost all of humanity as before that happened and has only stayed alive thanks to a list of rules (#31 Check the Backseat). He is picked up hitchhiking by Harrelson (Kingpin) who has made it this far because of his love for killing zombies. Along their way they run into sisters Emma Stone (Ghosts of Girlfriends Past), who does a decent impersonation of Linda Hamilton in Terminator 2, and Abigail Breslin (Ghost Whisperer), because what is more entertaining than watching a twelve year old unload a double barrel into a zombie?

If there one gripe to have about Zombieland it would be Eisenberg’s narration can get long in the tooth and his monotone maybe wasn’t the best idea, but whenever the drone started to start in, another entertaining zombie elimination happened. And the climatic amusement park scene is an edge of your seat rush that will make you fall off it when it throws in an unexpected joke. Word is a 3-D sequel is in the works, but considering the movie was originally developed for the small screen, hopefully they revisit that idea and bump off one of those lame vampire television shows to make room for Zombieland: The Series.

Zombieland gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.

Revisting Lost 1.x

The fans of Lost are basically just like the two main characters on the show: you are either a man of faith, or a man of science. If faith is your bag, you are giddily waiting tonight’s premiere of the last season and trust that the creators will deliver a satisfying end to the series because they have had a plan all along. If you are a man of science, you spent the ten months since the last season finale coming up with the 100 Questions Lost Better Answer or We’ll Be Pissed. I fall into the later and could have easily came up with more than a hundred, but to be honest I stopped caring sometime during the second season and may have dumped the show around the fourth had they not named an end date.

But back when I still was a Lost obsessive, I created my own mini list at the end of the first season with a bunch of unanswered questions bback in 2005 (see Guys (Dramatic Pause) Where Are We). So as we go into the final season, I am jumping into the Dharma time machine and see just how they did in answering questions I was left wondering after season one.


What did Kate do that was so bad that her mom is scared of her?
My Guess: Eco-terrorist blamed for the death of an oil tycoon.
Has There Been a Satisfying Answer: Yes, she blew up her father

How did Locke get in the wheelchair?
My Guess: Complications to surgery.
Has There Been a Satisfying Answer: Yes, his father pushed him out a window.

What is the monster?
My Guess: A specter.
Has There Been a Satisfying Answer: No, Ben ambiguously said it was the island’s security system, but that is really it.
Chance There Will Be a Satisfying Answer: 75%.

What is the hatch to?
My Guess: A submarine.
Has There Been a Satisfying Answer: Yes, it was to a Dharma station. Not so satisfying, there ended up being an easier entry point.

What happened to Rose?
My Guess: She went looking for her husband around the island.
Has There Been a Satisfying Answer: Not really, she just was not written into those last couple episodes.

Why did the fortune teller change his mind about Claire keeping her baby?
My Guess: The fortune teller didn't change his mind. There is no couple in LA. He saw another castaway's future and made Claire get on that flight.
Has There Been a Satisfying Answer: No
Chance There Will Be a Satisfying Answer: 10%.

Who was Ethan Rom and why did he want Claire?
My Guess: One of the others looking for the chosen one.
Has There Been a Satisfying Answer: Yes, he was indeed an Other and they wanted to examine how she was pregnant on the island.

How did Claire escape someone who could capture two people at one time?
My Guess: She didn't escape, she was let go after it was realized that her child wasn't the chosen one.
Has There Been a Satisfying Answer: Sort of, she was released by one of The Others but I don’t remember why they didn’t go back after her.

How did Jack single handedly beat up Ethan Rom after be beaten like a red headed step child days earlier?
My Guess: Ethan let him win.
Has There Been a Satisfying Answer: No.
Chance There Will Be a Satisfying Answer: 0%

Why would Sayid hook up with Shannon after being so close to finding his true love?
My Guess: I, personally, would forget about any past loves if I had a chance with Shannon.
Has There Been a Satisfying Answer: No, but my guess should suffice.

What's with the number?
My Guess: Just a way to connect everyone and everything.
Has There Been a Satisfying Answer: Pretty much, they had to be inputted to keep from the world to end though no word on why those numbers or why they seem to bring bad luck.

What did the French chick say to Hurley to calm him down?
My Guess: Haven't a clue.
Has There Been a Satisfying Answer: No, but to be honest it took me a while to remember exactly what this scene and don’t remember a resolution either.
Chance There Will Be a Satisfying Answer: 5%

Why did Claire name here kid Aaron? If she lost all her memory, what could the significance of this be?
My Guess: I think the writers screwed up.
Has There Been a Satisfying Answer: No and No
Chance There Will Be a Satisfying Answer: 25% and 0%.

What do the Others want with Walt?
My Guess: He can control the monster.
Has There Been a Satisfying Answer: Not really, Ben said Jacob wanted him, but we never learn why (besides “he’s special”) and since leaving the island, the writers don’t seem to care about Walt anymore, he didn’t even have to be part of the recreated plane ride back to the island.

What will happen to Michael, Sawyer & Jin?
My Guess: They will float back to the island and will discover the other survivors like Rose's husband and Michelle Rodriguez.
Has There Been a Satisfying Answer: Yes, I guessed correctly.

What will Jack and company find down the hatch?
My Guess: Boone, Ethan Rom, the marshal, Scott and anyone else who died.
Has There Been a Satisfying Answer: Yes, it was a Dharma station manned by Desmond.

Why is a flight from Australia carrying so many non-Australians? By my count there is only one Australian that we have met, Claire.
My Guess: It's an American show.
Has There Been a Satisfying Answer: No, it most likely is just a literary licence.

What was the secret Locke told Walt in the pilot?
My Guess: I'm not sure I really want to know.
Has There Been a Satisfying Answer: No but I am sure Chris Hansen would like to ask some questions about his relationship with Walt.
Chance There Will Be a Satisfying Answer: 10%.

For a recap of the questions left open after the first season of Lost:
No: 9
Yes: 6
Not Really: 2
Sort Of: 1
Pretty Much: 1

The Ten Most Anticipated Albums of Fall 2009

Usually at the beginning of each quarter I list what albums are coming out chronologically, instead, this time I am counting down the ten albums I am most looking forward to listen to this fall. Then the rest I sorted by release date. If you are interested in pre-ordering the record from Amazon, click the album name (or the album cover where available). Click the artist name to be taken to their iTunes page to grab their current work. And as always, all dates subject to change.

1. Battle Studies – John Mayer (November 17): When I get around to making the Greatest Albums of the 00’s list, you could make an argument for any of his first three albums to land near the top of the list. Hopefully he goes four for four with Battle Studies.

2. Kamaal the Abstract – Q-Tip (September 15): This should have been on the Most Anticipated Albums of Spring 2002, but the album got shelved by Arista. The record takes the jazz samples of A Tribe Called Quest to the extreme of live instrumentation and even sees Tip sing long before Andre 3000 or Kanye with production from the late J Dilla.

3. Draw the Line – David Gray (September 22): Even though he hasn’t gotten the mainstream following after striking it big with Babylon, Gray has put out consistently good music since. And from the signs of the first single Fugitive, it looks to continue.

4. Everything Comes and Goes – Michelle Branch (November 10): Branch started off her career by making what may end up being the greatest pop album of the decade. Like many other artists this decade, she went country with her duo The Wreckers. Now back with her first solo album in six years, it sounds like she will continue straddling the pop / rock / country fence.

5. Kiss and Tell – Selena Gomez and The Scene (September 29): Just kidding, making sure you are paying attention. But seriously, their first single is disturbingly catchy. Don’t tell Chris Hansen I said that though please.

6. The Seventh Seal – Rakim (September 22): Another rap album that has been taking too long to be released. I have been anxiously waiting for this album ever since Dr. Dre signed him to his Aftermath label back in 2000. He left three years later to sign with Dreamworks that folded shortly after. Hopefully there are no more snags between now and the 22nd.

7. I and Love and You – The Avett Brothers (September 29): I was first introduced to the band when Friday Night Lights used it as the soundtrack to the Landy/Tyra coupling. Now with a Rick Rubin produced, they are posed to be the breakout rock act of the year.

8. Play On – Carrie Underwood (November 3): Unlike #5, this is no joke. Her debut was the guiltiest of guilty pleasures and the follow was exactly what you expect, save the last track Wheel that pushed her boundaries outward. From the sound of the first single Cowboy Cassanova she might be pushing further with the song co-written by Mike Elizondo, one of Dr. Dre’s co-producers.

9. Man on the Moon: The End of Day – Kid Cudi (September 15): Consider me skeptic about a five act rap concept album, the recent three acts from Green Day was heavy-handed. But Make Her Say may go down as the best hip-hop track of year. And bonus points for being from Cleveland.

10. How I Got Over – The Roots (October 20): You would think after agreeing to be Jimmy Fallon’s house band, The Roots would rest on their laurels, but just a year after releasing their last album comes a new one.

Here are some other albums you can expect to drop sometime before Christmas. If I missed anything, let me know in the comments or tell me what fall release you are looking forward to:

September 15
The Resistance – Muse
So Far Gone - Drake

September 22
Backspacer – Pearl Jam
Attention Deficit – Wale
Monsters Of Folk – Monsters of Folk
Last Train To Paris – Sean “Diddy” Combs

September 29
Black Gives Way To Blue – Alice in Chains
Brand New Eyes – Paramore
Memoirs of an imperfect Angel – Mariah Carey
Can't Slow Down – Foreigner

October 6
Do What You Want, Be What You Are:The Music of Daryl Hall & John Oates (Box Set)
Hello Hurricane – Switchfoot
Escape Route – Joe Budden
Is and Always Was – Daniel Johnston
Have Guitar, Will Travel – Joe Perry
The Listening - Lights

October 13
Christmas In the Heart – Bob Dylan
She Wolf – Shakira
Evolution of a Man – Brian McKnight
Dead by Sunrise – Chester Bennington
Slice – Five for Fighting

October 20
Til the Casket Drops – Clipse
Colour Me Free - Joss Stone

October 27
Raditude – Weezer
Strict Joy – The Swell Session
Save Me San Francisco – Train
If On A Winter's Night... – Sting
Live At The O2 - Kings of Leon
Live At The Olympia – R.E.M.
The Essential Weird Al Yankovic
Halford III – Winter Songs – Rob Halford (this is a Christmas album. No, seriously.)

November 3
Before I Self Destruct – 50 Cent
In Love & War – Amerie

November 10
Untitled – Avril Lavigne

November 17
The Fall – Norah Jones

November 24
Stronger – Mary J. Blige

Date Not Yet Announced
Hot Sauce Committee Pt. 1 – Beastie Boys
TBA - Alicia Keys
Lasers – Lupe Fiasco (December)
TBA - Vampire Weekend
Malice in Wonderland – Snoop Dogg
Light and Darkness - Christina Aguilera (November)
Relapse 2 – Eminem
TBA - Barenaked Ladies
Rise Up – Cypress Hill

And now for the obligatory, this may be the season that Dr. Dre releases Detox. Hey, we got Chinese Democracy last year so maybe it is possible.