We on Award Tour: 2006 ESPY's

The ESPY’s are quickly becoming the most entertaining award show of the year. This is most likely because this is the only award show for athletes, whom are actually gracious and excited to be there whereas there are plenty of award shows for acting and music and it shows on the faces of the attendees who looked bored at having to sit through another one and most likely only show up to promote something. Also unlike the end of the year the ESPY’s have little competition as the only award show in July and a good month after the MTV Movie Awards and a month or so before the Emmy’s and Video Music Awards. Plus the ESPY’s has the best award on the docket with the Arthur Ashe Award for Courage which is always tear jerking and since it’s sports related and on ESPN, it is socially acceptable for dude to cry during it. This year was the first time an actual athlete hosted the show and after setting the bar pretty low with his stint as a Saturday Night Live host, Lance Armstrong pretty much met expectation as the master of ceremony. Here are some observations from the show last night:

- Another reason why the ESPY’s are better than other award shows is because their pre-show doesn’t feature any creepy chicks that have had way too much plastic surgery. Instead we get Stuart Scott, Melyssa Ford, best know as a video ho-fessional, and the Black Widow, Jeanette Lee, someone everyone who has all thirty ESPN probably know, and if you don’t her, she’s a pool player. Not necessarily a murder’s row of interviewers, but at least Star Jones and her remodeled alien face were nowhere to be found.

- Nice that the pre-show starts off with a blatant plug for The Contender. Maybe this is just like every other award show.

- They even gave out some awards in the pre-show including Best Coach which was one by Bill Cowher. As much as I don’t like the dude, it was nice to see he’s re-growing his boy bander beard.

- During a commercial break, I flipped over to I Love the 70’s (which by the way, I don’t) and they were ironically talking about the start of ESPN and they asked Stu Scott what it stood for and he said he didn’t know. Make me fell a little better about not knowing.

- Best part of the pre-show was when Ford asked the High School Payer of the Year where she was going to college and she responded University of Connecticut, Ford asked, “UConn?” Way to pick someone with a low sports IQ.

- You just got to love Julius Jones’ comment about his new teammate Terrell Owens and how his different team, different T.O. sounds exactly like what Donavan McNabb said about this time two years ago. Have fun Cowboys fan.

- It looks like Gary Payton is already positioning himself as a NBA Draft analysis guy after he retires with his “upside” comment on Dwayne Wade. I think a Finals MVP really doesn’t have much “upside” left.

- As much as I wish Carmen Electra would just disappear, she has no discernable talent and you can find hotter chicks going down to your local fitness center, but I love how Stu Scott asked her about former husband Dennis Rodman. C’mon E!, skip the creepy looking Joan Rivers, Star Jones and Kathy Griffin this year and have Stu on the red carpet at the Emmy’s this year. I’d turn in for that.

- Obvious edit after Stu asked Danica Patrick about her boss David Letterman, I wonder what was cut out.

- Is it wrong that I have to chuckle every time I see Kobe Bryant out with his wife? Too bad Stu didn’t ask them about the white chick.

- The pre-show just happened to be ESPN2, and when 9:00 came around, Stu reminded us to switch over to ESPN, but when I did just that, it was the seventh inning of a Mets-Cubs game. Not only that, the game was a blow out, 13-5. with thirty channels, I don’t know why they just didn’t move the game to The Ocho. What’s worse was the actual awards were handed out Wednesday, a day with no sports going on. I don’t know why they just didn’t show it live them. What else could have been going on, the WNBA All-Star Game? Then I didn’t realize that I could have been watching Chappelle’s Show while I waited until after it ended. Then finally the ESPY’s started at 9:40.

- The show started out with quite possible the highlight of the evening, with it’s images of the past year that included highs and lows as well as obligatory memoriam section and a section for those who retired in the past year.

- As mediocre as Lance is at delivering a punch line, I still had to laugh at when he said he’d give his left nut to host the show and of course what award show would be complete without a Brokeback Mountain joke, this time when Lance said he was surprised to see Jake Gyllenhaal in the front row because he likes it in the rear. Nice to see they employed middle schoolers to write the monologue.

- First presenter of the night is Janet Jackson whose last appearance at a sporting event went… well, you know. She was out to present the Best Championship Performance. I find it interesting that the winner, Dwayne Wade, was also the only nominee whose championship performance wasn’t just one game. I’m not sure this is actually fair, maybe they should split this into two categories, one for game/match, the other for series.

- The Kip Pringle skit was decent, not quite the quality of MTV Movie Awards skits (Jessica Alba one’s not withstanding). Essentially what you have is Dwight Shrute from The Office playing himself but switched Lance in place of Michael Scott.

- Shawn White’s face when he lost Best Breakthrough Athlete was priceless. It’s like for the last month people were telling him he was a show-in, not realizing they were just blowing smoke. You’d think he just saw his girlfriend on a sex tape with another dude.

- Now it’s time for the serious part of the ceremony where Lance hypes his charity along with the Jimmy V Foundation. For these that were wondering who the mother and daughter they kept on showing during this part, they were ESPY nominee for Best Moment, Dakota Dowd and her mother, who has terminal cancer. Also, if you didn’t catch them, the websites that were talked about here were livestrong.org and JimmyV.org.

- I find it interesting the chick that presented with LeBron James wouldn’t let go of is arm. Now I’m not saying she’s a golddigger…

- As great as the thumb wresting challenge was, I fear after putting on “sports” like dominos, Scrabble, and spelling bees, this may give the programmers at ESPN an idea.

- You got to love how they played the sexist You Shook Me All Night Long during the Best Female Athlete montage.

- Did we really need what boils down to a ten minute commercial for the Ricky Bobby? The movie itself asks the question, its their enough humor in dudes turning left for hours to warrant a movie lampooning it?

- Next up is the reason why people who don’t even pay attention to sports should watch the ESPY’s: The Arthur Ashe Award for Courage. This year’s recipients were two young Afghani women who organized a soccer league for girl their age. It’s heartbreaking to hear these girls have to play behind a military wall for their own protection. I’ve said it before, but I’ll say it again, this is the best part of any award show.

- Yet another Will Ferrell bit. I’m beginning to think I’m the only one who doesn’t think this guy is funny. Really the funniest part of his serenade to Lance was Matt Leinart’s expression when Ferrell sang the line, “you’ve been everywhere in France except for Paris… Hilton’s pants.” Speaking of dudes who just saw his girlfriend’s sex tape.

- As much as I don’t understand the allure of dues turning left, I’m equally puzzled by the popularity of college football. This may have to due with my college team winning about as many games as years I attended. But really the fan base of many teams are guys who didn’t go to that school, or are not even smart enough to get into college. It a sham that the National Championship Game beat out a walk of home run in the 18th that ended a series after the winner game back from five down, tieing it up with their last batter in the 9th. They should bring back the IQ test for voting whether it be for the president or the ESPY’s.

- For those keeping track at home, there were three Brokeback Mountain jokes last night.

- The best part of Jason McElwain winning for best moment was how exited the other nominees looked when he won (there was a four way cut screen when the winner was announced) with the George Mason coach being the first to congratulate him. Hopefully Shawn White takes note when he watches the rebroadcast.

- As much as I dislike Marky Mark, I got to love how he made fun of Ben Roethlisberger just before the Steelers won Best Team. I find it interesting who ESPN tried to build this up to be a big, touching event. This isn’t Christopher Reeves at the Oscars, did they really expect people would cheer a dude fore making a bonehead decision. It would have been like had the ESPY’s made Kobe the big surprise appearance right after being acquitted of raping a white chick. And after reading live reports of the award show, I wouldn’t be surprised had ESPN edited in some cheers. And a question for Steelers fan, did Ben have a lazy eye before the accident? His right eye has definitely been wondering around lately, maybe I just never noticed it before.

- The show ends appropriately enough, with an audience full of overpaid athletes, with The O’Jays singing for The Love of Money. Fun times.

Lyrics Quiz: Scooter’s Choice

One year ago, I started my monthly Lyrics Quiz. It all started when a meme was making its round last year and even though I never do them, this one was right up my wheelhouse. You were supposed to put iTunes on random and pick lyrics from the next 10-15 songs that were played. From there I decided to make a monthly game out of it and with the Scooter Hall of Fame on the first of every month, I though I’d split the month down the middle and have the Lyrics Quiz on the fifteenth of each month. I also decided quickly to have a theme every month; the first was of Live 8 performers, but on the anniversary I’m going with some of my favorite songs and/or lyrics. As always, put both the song title and artist in the comment section and if you are right, I will un-bold the song and give you credit. The person will then be added to the Winner's List on my sidebar. Now onto the quiz:

Hint:
23. A couple people have guess the right song so far, but I haven't been satisfied with the artist given. With many songs being covered and would have multiple artists, I only accept two different types of artist when it comes to specific lyrics: the orginal arist or the artist that gave the definative version (i.e. All Along the Watchtower was orginally done by Bob Dylan, but Jimi Hendrix gave the definitive version. For lyric 23, the same artist fill both criteria (of course I am the jury when devising who gave the definative version. For a hint, whenever he is not related to the chick from The Devil Wears Prada (think last names).


1. Dig if you will a picture of you and I engaged in a kiss. (When Doves Cry - Prince; guessed by Greyspace)
2. Don’t look to us, phony Beatlemania has bitten the dust. (London Calling - The Clash; guessed by Greyspace)
3. Backbeat, the word is on the street that the fire in your heart is out. (Wonderwall - Oasis; guessed by Erica)
4. With a name I’ve never chosen I can take my fist steps as a child of twenty-five. (Chocolate - Snow Patrol; guessed by Kristi)
5. It’s been too hard living but I’m afraid to die. (A Change Is Gonna Come - Sam Cooke; guessed by Kristi)
6. You used to be so amused, and Napoleon in rags and the language that he used. (Like a Rolling Stone - Bob Dylan; guessed by Greyspace)
7. Did you make it to the Milky Way to see the lights are faded and that heaven is overrated? (Drops of Jupiter - Train; guessed by Erica)
8. Leonard Bernstein! (It's the End of the World as We Know It (And I Feel Fine) - R.E.M.; guessed by Greyspace)
9. Name my kids ghetto names: Little Mookie, Big Al, Lorraine. (I Wish - Skee-Lo; guessed by Greyspace)
10. I couldn’t have a one conversation if it wasn’t for the lies, lies, lies. And still I want to tell you everything until I close my eyes. (Bad Reputation - Feedy Johnston; guessed by Kristi)
11. Never trust a big butt and a smile. (Poison - Bell Biv DeVoe; guessed by Greyspace)
12. I asked her her name, she said, “Blah, blah, blah.” (Just a Friend - Biz Markie; guessed by Rae)
13. Ain’t no (lovin’) good enough to get burnt while I’m up in it. (Nuthin' but a "G" Thang - Dr. Dre and Snoop Doggy Dogg; guessed by Kristi)
14. People say I’m the life of the party because I tell a joke or two, although I might be laughing loud and hardy, deep inside I’m blue. (Tracks of My Tears - Smokey Robinson and the Miracles; guessed by Greyspace)
15. When the band plays Hail to the Chief, they point the cannon at you. (Fortunate Son - Creedence Clearwater Revival; guessed by Greyspace)
16. Whatever happened to Tuesday and so slow going down to the old mine with a transmitter radio. (Brown Eyed Girl - Van Morrison; guessed by Greyspace)
17. But I’d gladly go down in a flame if a flame’s what it takes to remember my name. (Bigger Than My Body - John Mayer; guessed by Kristi)
18. A broom is drearily sweeping up the broken pieces of yesterday’s life. (The Wind Cries Mary - Jimi Hendrix Experience; guessed by Greyspace)
19. You say you want a diamonds on a ring of gold, you say you want story to remain untold. (All I Want Is You - U2; guessed by Greyspace)
20. The highway’s jammed with broken heroes on a last chance power-dive. (Born to Run - Bruce Springsteen; guessed by Greyspace)
21. Me and Cinderella put it all together. (One Headlight - The Wallflowers; guesssed by Erica)
22. Every time she sneezes I believe it’s love. (Anna Begins - Counting Crows; guessed by Greyspace)
23. I love in a place where there’s no space or time, I love you for my life, you’re a friend of mine.
24. Take a small example, take a tip from me, take all of your money, give it all to charity. (What I Got - Sublime; guessed by Kristi)
25. Emancipate yourselves from mental-slavery, none but ourselves can free our minds. (Redemption Song - Bob Marley and the Wailers; guessed by Kristi)


There have been (almost) 300 different lyrics in the past year and 55 different participants in the past year. And after twelve months, here is the leader board in term of all-time points (and of course check out the Winners List on the side board).

Sha Shinizzle - 32
Dame Bramage - 22
Angie - 18
Guppyman - 17
Shelia - 15

So be sure to be back every fifteenth of the month (I suggest subscribing to my feed) and maybe you will be up there next month. For the anniversary, I have a bonus lyric that I don't think anyone would get, but if get it correct, you will get two extra points - “If Mary drop my baby girl tonight, I would name her Rock n Roll.” (The Seed (2.0) - The Roots and Cody ChestnuTT; guessed by Erica)

Who Rapper You Know Before His Record Drop Is a Grammy Winner

A couple months ago I went to get the Free Single of the Week on iTunes and that week featured a rare rap track. But unlike most rap songs in recent memories, this one didn’t make me reach for the mute button. This could be attributed to the word “Bling” not being uttered once nor were there any signs of flossing. But really I marveled out how no rapper up to this point failed in recognizing the entertainment value in sampling Jimmy Walker’s signature catch-phrase.

Fast forward four months and said rapper, Rhymefest has finally released his debut album, Blue Collar. Even though the bling isn’t there is still plenty of swagger in his rapping as Fest will be the first to inform you that he is already a Grammy winner as he co-wrote Best Rap Song winner, Jesus Walks. Kanye West does return the favor showing up on two tracks on his fellow Chicagoan. Make sure you give Brand Know a chance because even though it seems to be annoying, there’s a good chance it will grow on you like it did me. And even though it’s just a guest spot, Kanye brings his “A” game, my favorite line being, “I leaving you haters like when Shaq left the Lakers just to Heat it up.” As for Rhymefest, he had me with the line, “Besides your breasts is augmented - I like things authentic.”

Rhymefest also has an eclectic ear when it comes to music sampling everybody from One by Three Dog Night on Tell a Story to Someday by The Strokes on Devil’s Pie. He also reworks the old Peggy Lee classic Fever into a Latin theme. The best though is when he reworks the overlooked Bullet and a Target by Citizen Cope. For old school hounds, look out for the Peter Piper hook on Stick. But for a more silly, karaoke vibe, look out for the album closer where the late great Ol’ Dirty Bastard a.k.a. Big Baby Jesus a.k.a. Dirk McGirk a.k.a. Osirus sings… wait for it… wait for it… Build Me Up Buttercup. Man, I miss the ODB.

The album’s title is a nod to Rhymefest’s former job as a janitor, so unlike his peer, there are no tales of drug dealing or hustling on the album. Instead what we get is the plight of the lower middle class in the Midwest. The self proclaimed Ghetto Regis has plenty of stories to tell that reflect that, the most touching is the story in Bullet where he tells of a kid who joins the Army out of high school because he doesn’t have any other way to pay for college, but Fest ends the verse by telling us, “don’t be mad, he died for the flag.” Too bad storytelling like this in rap left a decade ago. And not since Tupac’s Keep Your Head Up has there been a rap song as uplifting for the fairer sex on Sister.

If there was one strike against this album, it would be its length at just under an hour. Even the best MC’s find it hard to full a whole album worth of classic tracks and this set could have been improved by shaving two to three songs that bring down the middle of the album. But it is still worth the price of admission to hear the ODB sing.

Song to Download - Dynamite (if you got it free like I did, go with Bullet)

Blue Collar gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.

2006 Emmy Nominations: A Week Later

This time last week, like many of my fellow blogger that routinely wax poetic about our favorite television shows ripped the Emmys different year, same results despite the new voting system. But after a week of thinking about it I have come to realize it is not the new voting system that is still flawed, in fact it may not have been broken in the first place.

If you let me go on a tangent for a moment, last year Rolling Stone put out a list of the 500 greatest songs of the Rock ‘n’ Roll era and like most lists of its ilk, I overanalyzed every selection and read through it multiple times. There were a bunch of sequencing issues that bugged my like my two favorite songs, All Along the Watchtower and Superstition were 48 and 74 respectively. But the part of the list that really got under my skin was how songs from formative years were omitted with bands like Dave Matthews Band, Beastie Boys, Weezer, and A Tribe Called Quest getting overlooked. To put things in perspective, The Beatles charted 23 songs while there were 24 songs released in the nineties on the list.

At the end of the list, Rolling Stone also published the list of music journalist and musicians that made up the panelist and there was a distinctive characteristic that ties most of them together: they were extremely old. If fact when I scanned the list the only people on the list that I was familiar list (and that was most) the only ballots cast by people under forty were by members of The Donnas. So for the first time in my decade of subscribing to the magazine, I actually wrote them a letter about it, granted they did edit it before printing it, they took out the part where I wrote “You did something that even the Republican were unable to do this year: suppress the youth vote.”

Back to the Emmys, unlike the Rolling Stone list where the voters were released, we don’t know (at least I don’t) who the Emmy voters are, but I think it is safe to assume that they are all extremely old themselves which could explain Martin Sheen, and if there is anything my grandpa taught me, old people love Martin Sheen. So in my long winded explanation, it’s not the voting system that is flawed, it’s the people that are doing the voting who are most likely well past the age of the majority of television watchers which could explain how Stockard Channing could get a nomination for a show no one watched over her more deserving, younger contemporaries.

So instead of changing the voting system, what the Emmys need to do is change how the select voters to get more younger people involved, then maybe Lauren Graham, Kristen Bell, and Everybody Hates Chris will get the respect they deserve because it’s not their respective channels get overlooked, it’s that old people just don’t watch UPN or WB. But with all the rampart ageism in this year’s nomination who would have, five years ago predicted, the chick from Poison Ivy 3 (and I know all the guys out there, or at the very least saw the clips) would be the only actor of her generation to get a nomination?

One other suggestion I made last week, that may have got lost in the shuffle since it was at the bottom of a very long post, so I put it here so it will get more viewers (or you can always check out my original Emmy Nominations post):

Usually I prepare what I am going to write the night before and I had an anti-Desperate Housewives being included in the Comedy categories rant already to roll, but surprisingly only one supporting nomination this year so I was unable to use it in the individual nomination analysis. But since I thought it was a good idea, I’m still going to throw it out there to the people who run the Emmys: create a new Dramedy category. Back in the eighties and earlier, most shows were strictly in either in the drama or comedy column. But in the nineties and shows like Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Ally McBeal, more and more shows are equal parts laughs and tears and have been routinely overlooked. And the addition of the category would benefit the award show because it would mean more stars to nominate. Had there been a Dramedy Series category, it may have looked something like this:

Desperate Housewives
Everybody Hates Chris
Gilmore Girls
Rescue Me
Veronica Mars

And to the Emmys people, if you do decide to use my idea, all I ask in return is to be included as one of the people that does the nominating. Oh and one of those gift bags you give out to all the presenters.

Goodnight Michelle

Yesterday didn’t see the arrival of not one album that is the product of an MTV reality show, but two. But unlike yesterdays other release Cheyenne which is repeated ad nauseam, Blowin’ Up rarely gets a repeat so I really haven’t caught much because I really don’t know when the first run episodes show. From what I have seen, the show is hit and miss with Jamie Kennedy playing the slightly mentally retarded one and his sidekick Stu Stone as an overanxious wannabe.

But after seeing the video for Rollin’ w/ Saget, I had high expectations thinking the duo could become the twenty-first century “Weird Al” Yankovic. Unfortunately for half the album, it sounds like they are actually trying to be legit. But the beats are second rate making them sound like Brian Austin Green (who they ironically shout-out during the album). They even were able to corral actual rappers to donate verses like Kardinal Offishal. E-40 recreates (along with Jason Biggs) his Jamie Kennedy diss track and straight off is appearance on the Brooke Hogan song, Paul Wall shows up on Mattress Mack. This begs the question what is Paul Wall’s sadder guest appearance. But I do have to give it up to Stu for throwing the line, “Homeruns in H-Town like my name was Berkman” into that song. Luckily Ice-T doesn’t degrade himself bye rapping on a track but just shows up to show his support for Kennedy, but his wife Coco steals the track by giving Stu some love.

As for the songs that I think that were supposed to be funny, they rarely warrant a chuckle. 1984 may have been funnier had Bowling for Soup hadn’t lampooned the seminal time period two years ago. The token diss track Knuckle Up is upstaged by the previous skit where Kennedy is hesitant about dissing Ashton Kutcher and Colin Ferrell. Celebrity Stalker is slightly funnier where the boys hit on ckicks that normal dudes would pass up, “My favorite show to (expletive deleted) to? Gotta be The Facts of Life. (Expletive deleted) Lindsay Lohan, give me Mindy Cohn.” But the song does have very little replay value. Then there is Bologna, and the previous Blaine’s Story Skit, which should have gay right groups up in arms. Not that it makes fun of them, instead just on the principal that it is one of the dumbest songs ever recorded.

But the crown jewel of the album, and the only song worth listening to again is Rollin’ w/ Saget. After hearing the rest of the album, it’s clear that it is Danny Tanner himself that is the comical genius behind the song as there are very few bits more hilarious then hearing him say, “I got a (expletive deleted) like a donkey, (expletive deleted) as a rock and a trigger finger itchier than chicken pox.” We did indeed witnessed the strength of Bob Saget and you got to love the N.W.A. reference to intro Saget. Before the song there’s even a bit with Saget calling Kennedy’s voice mail suggesting they go out and date someone’s daughters. Although it’s a crime that iTunes wants a full ninty-nine cents for twenty-two seconds (for those keeping track at home, that’s four and a half pennies per second).

Song to Download - Rollin’ w/ Saget

Blowin’ Up gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.

This Is Gonna Rock Until it Rolls

Before I get to the album review, I must comment on the show Cheyenne. The show is the most boring reality show ever to be put on the television. Yes more boring than The Hills, more boring than My Fair Brady, I’d even suggest that if Al Gore or Tiger Woods had a reality show, Cheyenne would even be more boring than Al’s show. But at least it doesn’t chronicle how little talent she has much like the Ashlee Simpson reality show did. With that said, the sleep inducing show will have no bearing on my review of the debut album by Cheyenne Kimball. Oh, so she does has a last name.

But her theme song, which happens to also be her first single, Hanging On is not off limits for this review. Her whiney, nasal voice is extremely hard to listen too, Ashlee Simpson at the Rose Bowl bad. Oh and she has had a bad day. I think I’ll pass on her suggestion to alleviate the problem by laugh about it anyways because I much rather sing a sad song just to turn it around.

Okay, cheesy jokes aside, The Day Has Come starts of with a pretentious Intro, you rarely see that in the teen pop genre. After the Radiohead through the mind of a teenage girl starter, it’s time to rock with I Want To. Luckily the song doesn’t feature the annoying nasal singing from Hanging On but Kimball’s voice still sounds inexperienced here. One Original Thing (I won't point out the irony of someone who’s selling her album via a reality show wanting “One original thing”) is bouncy and will most like emanate from Middle Schools around the country by Halloween. At least that’s better then hearing under-aged girls constantly singing the cursed-filled Hollaback Girl like last summer.

Unfortunately throughout the album, nasal voice comes and goes which is really downer like on Good Go Bad and Everything. But when it comes down to it, The Day Has Come is music for those who liked Avril Lavigne’s first album, but thought the second one was too edgy especially when Kimball sings the power pop Hello Goodbye. Cheyenne tries to get her Michelle Branch on for the more sensitive songs These Four Walls and Full Circle but the former is plagued by the dreaded nasal voice during the chorus and she still can’t avoid sounding her age.

One thing Kimball has going for her is that she surrounded herself with a decent group of musicians who elevate some poor songs to actually listenable unlike say Ashlee Simpson whose backing band plays just about as good as she sings (yes, I’m trying to break the most Ashlee Simpson digs in a post). Maybe after she’s put a few more years behind her Kimball will have enough life experiences to put together to write enough songs and grow out of, or at least learn to avoid using her nasal voice. But then again, Hanson eventually did the same thing and look what happened to them.

Song to Download - I Want To

The Day Has Come gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.

R.I.P. Syd Barrett

Shine On You Crazy Diamond.


For more on the life and death of Syd Barrett, check out this article on vh1.com.

Lost Impressions - Chappelle’s Show

Last week during the review of the new Johnny Cash (see He Said “John Go Do My Will”) album I mentioned how it’s a touch subject releasing an album posthumously because you don’t really know if that is how the artist wanted you to hear the songs like that. Chappelle’s Show: The Lost Episodes get a little touchier because Dave Chappelle is still around and very adamant that Comedy Central not air the episodes that were to comprise of skits for the third season of his show before he shut down production an bolted for Africa.

But not to miss a way to milked their cash cow even after it dried up, the channel decided to package those skits together anyways with help from Chappelle’s former writing partner and friend Neil Brennan. Also on board are to take over hosting duties are Charlie Murphy and Donnell “I’m Rich biooootch” Rawlings. And the two were quick to explain why they would sell out their former employer, money and more camera time. I really don’t understand why they didn’t give Charlie Murphy his own show after Chappelle bolted because his True Hollywood Stories were the best skits plus there’s the whole legacy thing too. But anyways.

As for the skits, naturally they dealt with his recent enlarged bank account. The first one went long by the time he went to the IRS man. Then the payback skit was great for the first two segments but lost steam by the time he got to the dude in the wheelchair. On the other hand, the return of the whiter Chuck Taylor had me on the floor laughing, but I have a feeling those who haven’t heard the unedited version of Bring the Pain by Method Man were left scratching their heads. The clunker of the night was the Tupac is still alive sketch, a joke I beat to death about eight years ago. For the record, I think he is hanging out in Hawaii with Biggie, Elvis, and my sources tell me Ken Lay just arrived. But I digress.

For year, cable stations have repeated their shows about ten times a week, thirty for MTV. But last night showed a disturbing recent trend of showing the same episode back to back. I really never understood this, especially Rescue Me where you run the risk of turning in too soon and seeing the ending first because the show routinely runs over. Back to Chappelle’s Show, if my math is correct, there are only two more “Lost” episodes and hopefully they squeeze another Charlie Murphy True Hollywood Story because from last night’s sketches, maybe Chappelle was right in wanting to keep them in the vault considering it wasn’t the funniest thing I saw on television yesterday. Instead that award goes to this video below:

Trust the Power in My Voice

In a measure of full disclosure, I have to admit that the only reason why I gave a listen to an album by Alice Peacock is because the similarity to the name of a girl I went to high school with. When the next reunion comes around I may have to thank her because what I found on the Chicago native’s sophomore album, Who I Am were extremely refreshing songs that could be put on whenever I need time to relax. As she states in the title track, “There’s nobody else quite like me in this Wonderland.”

With softer piano based songs, the inevitable comparisons to another soothing songstress, Norah Jones, are easily heard. But Peacock does have a slight edge to here due to what seems to be a bad breakup. She doesn’t get as angry as Alanis Morissette, but the bitterness can definitely still be heard especially on Taught Me Well where she tells a former flame, “I thank my lucky stars everyday I’m not your wife.” Ouch. There is also a since of sarcasm to the opener, Different from the Rest, a song again about a past boyfriend, this one a letter to one on his wedding day thinking back to the day, “You asked me if I could tell the truth, and I said I couldn’t, that I didn’t love you.”

But Who I Am isn’t solely songs from a bitter woman. Baby Come Back is a heart wrenching plea for another chance. On the happier side of the spectrum, Runaway Day is a whimsical romp and could be a great soundtrack to a picnic. Then there’s the romantic Finding My Way that could fit on any occasion with your special one.

Another bright spot on the album is that the musicianship is always on point. Even though it is always subtle, you can tell all the musicians came in at the top of their game. The drumming on Taught Me Well is almost a march setting it up to be a something you may want to listen to while walking after getting out a bad situation. The title track on the other hand has grandeur about it with its ebb and flow.

There is also musical diversity to the album. Even though most of the songs are piano based like the staccatos of Anyone but Me, new instruments are introduced throughout the album including and acoustic guitar, strings, and even a French Horn on the soothing Sunflower. This breaks up the monotony that are the downfall of similar albums and should give you plenty hours of relaxing time listening to Alice Peacock for years to come.

Song to Download - Who I Am

Who I Am gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.

Oh, So Now Killing People Is a Good Time

After suffering through a chick flick last week (see She Did Not See My “A” Game), this week was more of a manly film with death, destruction, and nudity, not necessarily in that order. The Matador follows an assassin, Julian, and a business man, Danny, who have a chance meeting in Mexico City. The movie plays out like your regular odd couple with a few surprises thrown in. But when the fun south of the border ends, they both go their separate ways back to their separate worlds giving Danny what Julian calls the best cocktail party story ever.

Pierce Brosnan (Remington Steele) plays the out of touch assassin perfectly and nails every line especially the inappropriate on he delivers to Danny. There is even some extra entertainment value in seeing James Bond with graying hair, a beer gut and a cheesy mustache. And if Early Hickey has taught up anything is that mustaches are funny. As for Danny, Greg Kinnear (Talk Soup) looks like he is still trying to corner the neurotic middle age man market left by Garry Shandling, but doesn’t nearly does as good a job. Rounding out the cast is Hope Davis (nothing I’ve seen) as Danny’s wife who is basically just there. Also look out for Veronica Mars social studies teacher, Mr. Rooks, who was ousted for a little after school activity with a student as Danny’s business partner.

But the problem with The Matador is that it lags a bit at times throughout the movie, and a movie about killing people should never get boring. Then there were a couple inexplicable scenes that you just sit there and wonder why are they in the film like when Julian walks through the hotel lobby in a Speedo then jumps into the pool, alcoholic beverage in hand, only to find a shark. Was Julian just tripping? Was I tripping? There were a few scenes like this. Then the apex of the film went back to a scene earlier in the movie that I didn’t realize wasn’t resolved. They should have just done what the movie should have been in the first place, randomly killing anonymous dudes. Then this film may have been saved.

The Matador gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.

I Don't Like Porn, Guns, I Don't Fit in This House

Like many reality shows VH1 rolls out, Supergroup didn’t really show up on my radar. But like reality shows on VH1, I seemed to catch every single minute. The premise was pretty basic and was pretty much Making the Band but with established artist. Well established artists and a dude from Biohazard. I guess there are not many marquee hard rock bass players as Flea from Red Hot Chili Peppers is too busy still being relevant. Rounding out the rest of the group was Ted Nugent on lead guitar, who is always good for a one-liner my favorite being when he describe the new songs as, “so obnoxiously Ted Nugent, I may have to (expletive deleted) myself tonight.” Then there was Scott Ian of Anthrax on rhythm guitar, Jason Bonham, as in John’s son, behind the drum kit, and Sebastian Bach of Gilmore Girls fame on vocals, although they kept on mentioning some band he was apparently in before Gilmore Girls. Who knew?

Considering this was a rock group, there was plenty of sex, drugs and rock and roll, not necessarily in that order. The sex portion came when the wives arrived for a visit as the dude from Biohazard’s wife just so happens to be a porn star who convinced Mrs. Bach to join her in a pictorial. But the porn star wasn’t even the most surprising significant other as Ian just so happened to be engaged to Meatloaf. I have a feeling we may have a preview of the next VH1 reality series. And who wouldn’t want a little Anthrax on their Meatloaf?

The drugs part of the equation was interesting as the group included a member as clean as a whistle (for those who saw Ted Nugent Behind the Music will no his only addition has to do with a female species, he eats them raw like sushi), two recovering addicts, and two full on drinkers, one of which, Bach, went through a forced detox after his drinking got out of control leading to the most entertaining part of the show when the dude from Biohazard punched him.

But the real stars of the show were Valerie (who uttered this post’s title) and Jay, part of a PR team brought in to sell the band that went through names like Rawdog and Fist before settling on Damnocracy. It seemed like every one of their ideas were turned down from stylists to clothing designers and even tried to get Bach to cut his hair while the band became more disinterested with more with every suggestion. Then ever time a band member flat out told them no, they would stood they shocked, mouth open, that someone would reject their ideas. But nothing topped the look on their faces when they walking in of the wives very naked photoshoot. Who know whether there will be a second season or if that second season will be of Damnocracy or a group made up of entirely new members, but hopefully Valerie and Jay are back.

Supergroup 1.x gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.

We on Award Tour: 2006 Emmy Nominations

If I had secondary headlines on this blog, this post’s would be, “Different Year, Same Results.” Much was made about the new nomination system for the Emmys this year where I believe all the nominators sat in a room and al watch each and every show’s entry. Yet looking through the nominations, it looks like the same old nominations with nods going to the old guard like West Wing. Will & Grace even got double digit nominations the most of any network show not named 24. I know I said this last year, and if the 9th Green was up a year before that, I would have said it then too, but seriously, Will & Grace is still on? I am now convinced that the Emmys are messing with my mind and the show really ended five years ago.

As for the former CW entities, they received a combined six nominations, two for Everybody Hates Chris (Costumes, Cinematography), Supernatural (Musical Composition, Sound Editing), Smallville (again, Sound Editing, CW will have a stranglehold on this category next year), and Reba (Cinematography). Wait seriously, Reba? No Veronica Mars, no Everwood, no Gilmore Girls, no Beauty and the Geek, but Reba gets a nod. To add more insult, even Kathy Griffin got a nomination. Okay that is officially reason number one why the new system failed, check out my analysis for many more reasons. But since I could care less about cinematography (sorry Reba), this is only an abridged list. For the excruciating long list, check out the Emmys site.


Comedy Series
Arrested Development, FOX
Curb Your Enthusiasm, HBO
The Office, NBC
Scrubs, NBC
Two And A Half Men, CBS

Who Will Win: Curb Your Enthusiasm
Who Should Win: Arrested Development
Should Have Been Nominated: My Name Is Earl

So I will be complaining a lot today, but here is something the Emmys actually got right, no Desperate Housewives. Best Comedy Series should go to the funniest show on TV and even though it produces a few chuckles, anyway who actually laughs during Desperate Housewives should be checked into a mental institution. Also people who should be checked into a mental institution, anyone who thinks Two and a Half Men is funnier than My Name Is Earl. Earl, also Scooter Televistion Award winner for Best Sitcom, being snubbed is reason number two why the new system failed.


Drama Series
Grey's Anatomy, ABC
House, FOX
The Sopranos, HBO
24, FOX
The West Wing, NBC

Who Will Win: Grey’s Anatomy
Who Should Win: Don’t Care
Should Have Been Nominated: Veronica Mars

Reason number three that the new system failed, The West Wing here. All I have heard since Alan Sorkin left the show is how bad it is, yet it still gets nominated every year. And on that subject, everyone complained how much The Sopranos was down this year, yet it also gets its obligatory nomination. I’m sure a lot will be made about the omission of Lost here, but all they did was switch ABC’s big buzz show from last year to its big buzz show from this year. And much like last year this ear’s buzz show, Grey’s Anatomy will win. And hopefully like Lost this year, GA will fall off because I’ve never understood the allure of that show.


Reality-Competition Program
The Amazing Race, CBS
American Idol, FOX
Dancing With the Stars, ABC
Project Runway, Bravo
Survivor, CBS

Who Will Win: The Amazing Race
Who Should Win: Survivor
Should Have Been Nominated: Beauty and the Geek

I believe The Amazing Race has won this award every year and I doubt dudes sing karaoke will be able to change that. And Dancing the Stars gets the nod? Its has-beens and never-wills dancing. Where is the entertainment value in that? I’d take Beauty and the Geek, Real World/Road Rules Challenge and Flavor of Love over that show (or dudes singing karaoke) any day.


Lead Actor in a Comedy Series
Larry David, Curb Your Enthusiasm, HBO
Kevin James, The King of Queens, CBS
Tony Shalhoub, Monk, USA
Steve Carell, The Office, NBC
Charlie Sheen, Two And A Half Men, CBS

Who Will Win: Larry David
Who Should Win: Don’t Care
Should Have Been Nominated: Jason Lee - My Name Is Earl

Probably the most pathetic category this year. And who in this category grew a 70’s gay porn mustache for their craft? Even if Jason Lee just stood there doing nothing for a half an hour, he’d still be funnier than any of these nominations. Seriously, Charlie Sheen and Kevin James? Reason number three why the new system failed. I could take Tony Shalhoub in a drama category, but not here. And where’s Jason Bateman? Again, much funnier than anyone here.


Lead Actress in a Comedy Series
Lisa Kudrow, The Comeback, HBO
Jane Kaczmarek, Malcolm In The Middle, FOX
Julia Louis-Dreyfus, The New Adventures Of Old Christine, CBS
Stockard Channing, Out Of Practice, CBS
Debra Messing, Will & Grace, NBC

Who Will Win: Julia Louis-Dreyfus
Who Should Win: Don’t Care

Okay, so I was totally wrong, this is the most pathetic category. I wasn’t even aware that Will and Grace or Malcolm in the Middle were even still on. I though The Comeback got canned a long time ago. Stockard Channing most like was just nominated because the panel though she was still on The West Wing. The sad thing is I can’t even think of someone to put in here. Jamie Pressly and Tisha Arnold are more supporting roles. But when it comes down to it, Kristen Bell is funnier than all these nominees.


Lead Actor in a Drama Series
Christopher Meloni, Law & Order: Special Victims Unit, NBC
Denis Leary, Rescue Me, FX
Peter Krause, Six Feet Under, HBO
Kiefer Sutherland, 24, FOX
Martin Sheen, The West Wing, NBC

Who Will Win: Keifer Sutherland
Who Should Win: Denis Leary

Here is possibly the only place where the new system didn’t fail with the inclusion of Denis Leary, not that he has a chance of winning. I have a feeling that Sheen will get the it’s his last season so lets give him the award treatment but since he’s nominated elsewhere, they may give him to it there. But let’s face it, Ice-T is that star of SVU and it’s a travesty that Meloni got the nod over him.


Lead Actress in a Drama Series
Kyra Sedgwick, The Closer, TNT
Geena Davis, Commander In Chief, ABC
Mariska Hargitay, Law & Order: Special Victims Unit, NBC
Francis Conroy, Six Feet Under, HBO
Allison Janney, The West Wing, NBC

Who Will Win: Allison Janney
Who Should Win: Don’t Care
Should Have Been Nominated: Kristen Bell - Veronica Mars

There are two crimes against humanity going on in this category. To start with, and the fourth reason why the new system failed, ageism. Year after year, the over forty crowd routinely, and most of the time undeservingly, gets nominated over their younger counterpoints and the new system didn’t remedy this. Everyone should give up hope that Bell will never be nominated for Veronica Mars because the Emmys will never recognize high schoolers or people that play them. And this isn’t even solely a Veronica Mars rant, no Evangeline Lilly, no Emily Van Camp, no Eva Longoria (the only Desperate Housewife not to be nominated last year and the only one under forty), no one from Grey’s Anatomy. Maybe if Gilmore Girls is around by the time Lauren Graham gets on the wrong side of forty, she will actually get nominated. And taking up a nomination from the under forty sect, Geena Davis who just so happens to double as the union leader or something like that. Nepotism anyone?


Supporting Actor in a Comedy Series
Will Arnett, Arrested Development, FOX
Jeremy Piven, Entourage, HBO
Bryan Cranston, Malcolm In The Middle, FOX
Jon Cryer, Two And A Half Men, CBS
Sean Hayes, Will & Grace, NBC

Who Will Win: Jeremy Piven
Who Should Win: Will Arnett
Should Have Been Nominated: Doogie Houser - How I Met Your Mother

Reason number six on why the new system failed, the creator of the Lemon Law was denied. Two of the shows aren’t really on any more, then there is the inexcusable Jon Cryer nod. Those holes should have been filled by the other Arrested Development bit players David Cross and Jeffery Tambor.


Supporting Actress in a Comedy Series
Cheryl Hines, Curb Your Enthusiasm, HBO
Alfre Woodard, Desperate Housewives, ABC
Jaime Pressly, My Name Is Earl, NBC
Elizabeth Perkins, Weeds, Showtime
Megan Mullally, Will & Grace, NBC

Who Will Win: Alfre Woodard
Who Should Win: Jamie Pressly
Should Have Been Nominated: Jessica Walter - Arrested Development

The only thing comical about this award would be if the only non-comedy actress actually wins it. Did Woodard actually do anything funny this year? Interesting how the show dominated the lead category last year, but this is the only nomination this year. But no female made me laugh more in the past year than Lucille #1. Well okay Pressly did, but she had twice as many episodes.


Supporting Actor in a Drama Series
William Shatner, Boston Legal, ABC
Oliver Platt, Huff, Showtime
Michael Imperioli, The Sopranos, HBO
Gregory Itzin, 24, FOX
Alan Alda, The West Wing, NBC

Who Will Win: William Shatner
Who Should Win: Don’t Care
Should Have Been Nominated: Ryan Hansen - Veronica Mars

Yet another category without any shows I watch. Should I even now who Gregory Itzin is? But there was no one more entertaining this past year than Dick Casablancas. Biggest snub of the year.


Supporting Actress in a Drama Series
Candice Bergen, Boston Legal, ABC
Sandra Oh, Grey's Anatomy, ABC
Chandra Wilson, Grey's Anatomy, ABC
Blythe Danner, Huff, Showtime
Jean Smart, 24, FOX

Who Will Win: Blythe Danner
Who Should Win: Don’t Care
Should Have Been Nominated: Diane Farr - Rescue Me

Yawn, another boring category. Lost in the shuffle of switching shows, Farr got lost in the shuffle as the lone female in the firehouse.


Guest Actor in a Comedy Series
Patrick Stewart, Extras, HBO
Ben Stiller, Extras, HBO
Martin Sheen, Two And A Half Men, CBS
Alec Baldwin, Will & Grace, NBC
Leslie Jordan, Will & Grace, NBC

Who Will Win: Martin Sheen
Who Should Win: Ben Stiller
Should Have Been Nominated: Giovanni Ribisi - My Name Is Earl

Surprise, surprise, yet another category with shows I don’t watch. But I can’t imagine any of them were funnier than Earl’s not quite conformed old buddy Ralph.


Guest Actress in a Comedy Series
Shirley Knight, Desperate Housewives, ABC
Kate Winslet, Extras, HBO
Cloris Leachman, Malcolm In The Middle, FOX
Laurie Metcalf, Monk, USA
Blythe Danner, Will & Grace, NBC

Who Will Win: Cloris Leachman
Who Should Win: Don’t Care
Should Have Been Nominated: Juliette Lewis - My Name Is Earl

Reason seven why the new system failed, did the Emmy people even watch Earl? This is really beginning to bug me.


Guest Actor in a Drama Series
Michael J. Fox, Boston Legal, ABC
Christian Clemenson, Boston Legal, ABC
James Woods, ER, NBC
Kyle Chandler, Grey's Anatomy, ABC
Henry Ian Cusick, Lost, ABC

Who Will Win: James Woods
Who Should Win: James Woods
Should Have Been Nominated: Michael Emerson - Lost

I was all ready to put Henry Ian Cusick in the "Who Should Win" column thinking that was Henry Gale. But when I double checked, that dude turned out to be Desmond. These people are moron. And in my obligatory Veronica Mars plug, I’d through Harry Hamlin into this category.


Guest Actress in a Drama Series
Kate Burton, Grey's Anatomy, ABC
Christina Ricci, Grey's Anatomy, ABC
Swoosie Kurtz, Huff, Showtime
Patricia Clarkson, Six Feet Under, HBO
Joanna Cassidy, Six Feet Under, HBO

Who Will Win: Swoosie Kurtz
Who Should Win: Don’t Care
Should Have Been Nominated: Lucy Lawless - Veronica Mars

Her verbal beatdown of Sheriff Lamb along should have warranted Lawless a nod.


Individual Performance in a Variety or Music Program
Barry Manilow, Barry Manilow: Music And Passion, PBS
Stephen Colbert, The Colbert Report, Comedy Central
Craig Ferguson, The Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson, CBS
David Letterman, Late Show With David Letterman, CBS
Hugh Jackman, The 59th Annual Tony Awards (2005), CBS

Who Will Win: Stephan Colbert
Who Should Win: David Letterman
Should Have Been Nominated: John Stewart - The Daily Show/Oscars

One of the few times didn’t screw up with Leno not being nominated this year. But Ferguson over Stewart and Conan? At least Conan has hosting the show to fall back on.


Directing for a Comedy Series
Michael Patrick King, The Comeback, (Valerie Does Another Classic Leno), HBO
Robert B. Weide, Curb Your Enthusiasm, (The Christ Nail), HBO
Dan Attias, Entourage, (Oh, Mandy), HBO
Julian Farino, Entourage, (Sundance Kids), HBO
Marc Buckland, My Name Is Earl, (Pilot), NBC
Craig Zisk, Weeds, Good S*** (Lollipop), Showtime

Who Will Win: Don’t Know
Who Should Win: Marc Buckland

I was going to delete this like every other technical category until I noticed Earl got nominate here.


Variety, Music or Comedy Series
The Colbert Report, Comedy Central
The Daily Show With Jon Stewart, Comedy Central.
Late Night with Conan O'Brien, NBC, Broadway Video
Late Show with David Letterman, CBS
Real Time with Bill Maher, HBO

Who Will Win: The Daily Show
Who Should Win: The Daily Show

So what’s the difference between this category and Best Comedy Series? Technically couldn’t The Office et al also be nominated here too?


Animated Program (for Programming Less Than One Hour)
Camp Lazlo, (Hello Dolly / Over Cooked Beans,) Cartoon Network
Family Guy, (PTV,) FOX
Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends, (Go Goo Go,) Cartoon Network
The Simpsons, (The Seemingly Neverending Story,) FOX
South Park, (Trapped in the Closet,) Comedy

Who Will Win: The Simpsons
Who Should Win: South Park

What’s most interesting here is the episode South Park submitted here, Trapped in the Closet also know as the episode that made Isaac Hayes leave, also know as the anti-Scientology episode. I have a feeling the South Park guys submitted this episode as a joke.


Writing for a Comedy Series
Arrested Development, (Development Arrested), Chuck Tatham, Jim Vallely, Richard Day, Mitchell Hurwitz
Entourage, (Exodus), Doug Ellin
Extras, (Kate Winslet), Ricky Gervais, Stephen Merchant
My Name Is Earl, (Pilot), Greg Garcia
The Office, (Christmas Party), Michael Schur

Who Will Win: The Office
Who Should Win: My Name Is Earl
Should Have Been Nominated: My Name Is Earl (Y2K)

Wow, more Earl love and there is no episode on any show that made me laugh harder this past year than its pilot episode. The Y2K episode is a distant second.


Writing for a Drama Series
Grey's Anatomy, (It's the End of the World, As We Know It (Part 1 & 2)), Shonda Rhimes
Grey's Anatomy, (Into You Like A Train), Krista Vernoff
Lost, (The 23rd Psalm), Carlton Cuse, Damon Lindelof
Six Feet Under, (Everyone's Waiting), Alan Ball
The Sopranos, (Members Only), Terence Winter

Who Will Win: Six Feet Under
Who Should Win: Lost
Should Have Been Nominated: Veronica Mars (Donut Run, Normal Is the Watchword, Not Pictured)

Odd choose of Lost episodes here with the first Eko-centric episode getting the nod. I don’t think that was even the best Eko episode. But I’d put up the trio of Veronica Mars episode against any of the other one’s nominated.



Usually I prepare what I am going to write the night before and I had an anti-Desperate Housewives being included in the Comedy categories rant already to roll, but surprisingly only one supporting nomination this year so I was unable to use it in the individual nomination analysis. But since I thought it was a good idea, I’m still going to throw it out there to the people who run the Emmys: create a new Dramedy category. Back in the eighties and earlier, most shows were strictly in either in the drama or comedy column. But in the nineties and shows like Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Ally McBeal, more and more shows are equal parts laughs and tears and have been routinely overlooked. And the addition of the category would benefit the award show because it would mean more stars to nominate. Had there been a Dramedy Series category, it may have looked something like this:

Desperate Housewives
Everybody Hates Chris
Gilmore Girls
Rescue Me
Veronica Mars

And to the Emmys people, if you do decide to use my idea, all I ask in return is to be included as one of the people that does the nominating. Oh and one of those gift bags you give out to all the presenters.