The ESPY’s are quickly becoming the most entertaining award show of the year. This is most likely because this is the only award show for athletes, whom are actually gracious and excited to be there whereas there are plenty of award shows for acting and music and it shows on the faces of the attendees who looked bored at having to sit through another one and most likely only show up to promote something. Also unlike the end of the year the ESPY’s have little competition as the only award show in July and a good month after the MTV Movie Awards and a month or so before the Emmy’s and Video Music Awards. Plus the ESPY’s has the best award on the docket with the Arthur Ashe Award for Courage which is always tear jerking and since it’s sports related and on ESPN, it is socially acceptable for dude to cry during it. This year was the first time an actual athlete hosted the show and after setting the bar pretty low with his stint as a Saturday Night Live host, Lance Armstrong pretty much met expectation as the master of ceremony. Here are some observations from the show last night:
- Another reason why the ESPY’s are better than other award shows is because their pre-show doesn’t feature any creepy chicks that have had way too much plastic surgery. Instead we get Stuart Scott, Melyssa Ford, best know as a video ho-fessional, and the Black Widow, Jeanette Lee, someone everyone who has all thirty ESPN probably know, and if you don’t her, she’s a pool player. Not necessarily a murder’s row of interviewers, but at least Star Jones and her remodeled alien face were nowhere to be found.
- Nice that the pre-show starts off with a blatant plug for The Contender. Maybe this is just like every other award show.
- They even gave out some awards in the pre-show including Best Coach which was one by Bill Cowher. As much as I don’t like the dude, it was nice to see he’s re-growing his boy bander beard.
- During a commercial break, I flipped over to I Love the 70’s (which by the way, I don’t) and they were ironically talking about the start of ESPN and they asked Stu Scott what it stood for and he said he didn’t know. Make me fell a little better about not knowing.
- Best part of the pre-show was when Ford asked the High School Payer of the Year where she was going to college and she responded University of Connecticut, Ford asked, “UConn?” Way to pick someone with a low sports IQ.
- You just got to love Julius Jones’ comment about his new teammate Terrell Owens and how his different team, different T.O. sounds exactly like what Donavan McNabb said about this time two years ago. Have fun Cowboys fan.
- It looks like Gary Payton is already positioning himself as a NBA Draft analysis guy after he retires with his “upside” comment on Dwayne Wade. I think a Finals MVP really doesn’t have much “upside” left.
- As much as I wish Carmen Electra would just disappear, she has no discernable talent and you can find hotter chicks going down to your local fitness center, but I love how Stu Scott asked her about former husband Dennis Rodman. C’mon E!, skip the creepy looking Joan Rivers, Star Jones and Kathy Griffin this year and have Stu on the red carpet at the Emmy’s this year. I’d turn in for that.
- Obvious edit after Stu asked Danica Patrick about her boss David Letterman, I wonder what was cut out.- Is it wrong that I have to chuckle every time I see Kobe Bryant out with his wife? Too bad Stu didn’t ask them about the white chick.
- The pre-show just happened to be ESPN2, and when 9:00 came around, Stu reminded us to switch over to ESPN, but when I did just that, it was the seventh inning of a Mets-Cubs game. Not only that, the game was a blow out, 13-5. with thirty channels, I don’t know why they just didn’t move the game to The Ocho. What’s worse was the actual awards were handed out Wednesday, a day with no sports going on. I don’t know why they just didn’t show it live them. What else could have been going on, the WNBA All-Star Game? Then I didn’t realize that I could have been watching Chappelle’s Show while I waited until after it ended. Then finally the ESPY’s started at 9:40.
- The show started out with quite possible the highlight of the evening, with it’s images of the past year that included highs and lows as well as obligatory memoriam section and a section for those who retired in the past year.
- As mediocre as Lance is at delivering a punch line, I still had to laugh at when he said he’d give his left nut to host the show and of course what award show would be complete without a Brokeback Mountain joke, this time when Lance said he was surprised to see Jake Gyllenhaal in the front row because he likes it in the rear. Nice to see they employed middle schoolers to write the monologue.
- First presenter of the night is Janet Jackson whose last appearance at a sporting event went… well, you know. She was out to present the Best Championship Performance. I find it interesting that the winner, Dwayne Wade, was also the only nominee whose championship performance wasn’t just one game. I’m not sure this is actually fair, maybe they should split this into two categories, one for game/match, the other for series.
- The Kip Pringle skit was decent, not quite the quality of MTV Movie Awards skits (Jessica Alba one’s not withstanding). Essentially what you have is Dwight Shrute from The Office playing himself but switched Lance in place of Michael Scott.
- Shawn White’s face when he lost Best Breakthrough Athlete was priceless. It’s like for the last month people were telling him he was a show-in, not realizing they were just blowing smoke. You’d think he just saw his girlfriend on a sex tape with another dude.
- Now it’s time for the serious part of the ceremony where Lance hypes his charity along with the Jimmy V Foundation. For these that were wondering who the mother and daughter they kept on showing during this part, they were ESPY nominee for Best Moment, Dakota Dowd and her mother, who has terminal cancer. Also, if you didn’t catch them, the websites that were talked about here were livestrong.org and JimmyV.org.
- I find it interesting the chick that presented with LeBron James wouldn’t let go of is arm. Now I’m not saying she’s a golddigger…
- As great as the thumb wresting challenge was, I fear after putting on “sports” like dominos, Scrabble, and spelling bees, this may give the programmers at ESPN an idea.- You got to love how they played the sexist You Shook Me All Night Long during the Best Female Athlete montage.
- Did we really need what boils down to a ten minute commercial for the Ricky Bobby? The movie itself asks the question, its their enough humor in dudes turning left for hours to warrant a movie lampooning it?
- Next up is the reason why people who don’t even pay attention to sports should watch the ESPY’s: The Arthur Ashe Award for Courage. This year’s recipients were two young Afghani women who organized a soccer league for girl their age. It’s heartbreaking to hear these girls have to play behind a military wall for their own protection. I’ve said it before, but I’ll say it again, this is the best part of any award show.- Yet another Will Ferrell bit. I’m beginning to think I’m the only one who doesn’t think this guy is funny. Really the funniest part of his serenade to Lance was Matt Leinart’s expression when Ferrell sang the line, “you’ve been everywhere in France except for Paris… Hilton’s pants.” Speaking of dudes who just saw his girlfriend’s sex tape.
- As much as I don’t understand the allure of dues turning left, I’m equally puzzled by the popularity of college football. This may have to due with my college team winning about as many games as years I attended. But really the fan base of many teams are guys who didn’t go to that school, or are not even smart enough to get into college. It a sham that the National Championship Game beat out a walk of home run in the 18th that ended a series after the winner game back from five down, tieing it up with their last batter in the 9th. They should bring back the IQ test for voting whether it be for the president or the ESPY’s.
- For those keeping track at home, there were three Brokeback Mountain jokes last night.
- The best part of Jason McElwain winning for best moment was how exited the other nominees looked when he won (there was a four way cut screen when the winner was announced) with the George Mason coach being the first to congratulate him. Hopefully Shawn White takes note when he watches the rebroadcast.
- As much as I dislike Marky Mark, I got to love how he made fun of Ben Roethlisberger just before the Steelers won Best Team. I find it interesting who ESPN tried to build this up to be a big, touching event. This isn’t Christopher Reeves at the Oscars, did they really expect people would cheer a dude fore making a bonehead decision. It would have been like had the ESPY’s made Kobe the big surprise appearance right after being acquitted of raping a white chick. And after reading live reports of the award show, I wouldn’t be surprised had ESPN edited in some cheers. And a question for Steelers fan, did Ben have a lazy eye before the accident? His right eye has definitely been wondering around lately, maybe I just never noticed it before.- The show ends appropriately enough, with an audience full of overpaid athletes, with The O’Jays singing for The Love of Money. Fun times.
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