Thou Shall Watch The Ten

Hands down, I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry will be the funniest movie of the summer. But from watching the trailer, The Ten could be a close second considering it stars Paul Rudd, Vinnie Van Lowe, the dude from the I Love the (Insert Decade), and Jessica Alba (the trailer does a much better job naming all the stars, well, by better I mean funnier). For those that do not mind a little course language and nudity (unfortunately of the male kind) check out the unrated trailer. For us prudes, below in the more formal version.

Lyrics Quiz: Oh the Places You'll Go

It’s summertime so that means it is time to think about summer vacation and this month’s lyrics quiz is dedicated to some good (and some not so good) recommendations on where you can go this year. As usual, place your guesses in the comment (or you can e-mail me), both artist and song title, and if you are correct I will un-bold the lyric. Now onto the lyrics:


1. I wanna take you: Bermuda, Bahamas. (Kokomo - Beach Boys; guessed by Slaygal1981)
2. I know that I must do what’s right as sure as Kilimanjaro rises like Olympus above the Serengeti. (Africa - Toto; guessed by Slaygal1981)
3. They said that Queens could stay; they blew the Bronx away, and sank Manhattan out at sea. (Miami 2017 (I've Seen the Lights Go Out on Broadway) - Billy Joel; guessed by Tony)
4. We in that sunshine state where the bomb (expletive deleted) hemp be. The state where you never find a dance floor empty. (California Love - 2Pac and Dr. Dre; guessed by Tony)
5. Oceans of angels, oceans of stars, down by the sea is where you drown your scars. (Malibu - Hole; guessed by Tony)
6. I just wanna see some palm trees. I will try to shake away this disease. (Santa Monica - Everclear; guessed by Tony)
7. Don’t get me wrong, Chi-town got it going on, and New York is the city that we know don't sleep, and we all know that L.A. and Philly stay jiggy. (Miami - Will Smith; guessed by Slaygal1981)
8. Good morning this ain’t Vietnam still people lose hands, legs, arms for real. (Diamonds From Sierra Leone (Remix) - Kanye West; guessed by Tony)
9. You might laugh you might frown walking around Londontown. (LDN - Lily Allen; guessed by Tony)
10. Get out of California, tired of the weather. (Boston - Augustana; guessed by Tony)
11. The king he waited on my doorsteps while the Joker and me went own our way. (Tennessee - The Wreckers; guessed by Tony)
12. I’d be safe in warm if I was in L.A. (California Dreamin' - Mamas and the Papas; guessed by Tony)
13. The Ice Age is coming. The sun’s zooming in. (London Calling - The Clash; guessed by Slaygal1981)
14. No, not the one in south California. They got one in south Patagonia. (Los Angeles - Frank Black; guessed by Tony)
15. Another plane another train another bottle in the brain. (No Sleep 'til Brooklyn - Beastie Boys; guessed by Tony)
16. In Birmingham they love the governor. (Sweet Home Alabama - Lynyrd Skynyrd; guessed by Tony)
17. A movin’ like Floyd commin’ straight to Florida. Lock all your windows then block the corridors. Pullin’ off on bell ‘cause a whipping’s in order. I like a three piece fish before I cut your daughter. Yo quiero Taco Bell, then I hit the border. (B.O.B. (Bombs Over Bagdad) - Outkast; guest by Tony)
18. Used to take the subway up to Houston and 3rd, I would wait for you and I'd try to hide. (New York, New York - Ryan Adams; guessed by Slaygal1981)
19. I really like Drew Carey and I’d love to see the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. (Ohio (Come Back to Texas) - Bowling for Soup; guessed by Slaygal1981)
20. Way down here you need a reason to move, feel a fool running your stateside games. (Mexico - James Taylor; guessed by Slaygal1981)
21. Sunday all the lights of London shining, sky is fading red to blue. (Babylon - David Gray; guessed by Slaygal1981)
22. Look at all those movie stars, they’re all so beautiful and clean. (Beverly Hills - Weezer; guessed by Slaygal1981)
23. Other arms reach out to me, other eyes smile tenderly. Still in the peaceful dreams I see the road leads back to you. (Georgia on My Mind - Ray Charles; guessed by Slaygal1981)
24. Well they blew up the chicken man in Philly last night. (Atlantic City - Bruce Springsteen; guessed by Slaygal1981)
25. All this energy calling me back where it comes from. It’s such a crude attitude, it’s back where it belongs. (Cleveland Rock - The Presidents of the United States of America; guessed by Slaygal1981)


For those that have nothing better to do tonight other than racking your brain trying to figure out these lyrics, tonight is the seasonpremiere of Man vs. Wild on the Discovery Channel at 9:00. Here's a press release (Personally I will be at the local Relay for Life tonight so if I have not updated the quiz with right answers, that is most likely why):

EVERGLADES

This premiere episode finds host Bear Grylls stranded in the swamps of the Florida Everglades, where each year at least 60 tourists need to be rescued. With more than a million alligators, thousands of snakes and even black bears roaming these waterlogged lands, the area has more than its share of hazards. Bear demonstrates how to keep alligators at bay, deal with vicious razor-sharp grass and find stomach-churning food that will keep you alive if you find yourself stranded in this beautiful but dangerous destination.

REAL LIFE STORIES

· After becoming stranded, a young man died of exposure after leaving his uncle in their boat to go in search of help. After slogging through swamps and 12-foot-high sawgrass, the man was found dead just 24 hours later and two miles away from his boat. Disorientation and heat exhaustion is a real problem in the swamps, even for people who live there and know the area intimately.

· A 62-year-old jogger survived for four days, stranded in waist-deep mud after getting lost and falling into a swamp during his daily run. Searchers found him stuck in a bog, covered in insect bites and drinking the fetid water surrounding him.

First Impressions: Rescue Me

There is only one show that can make me flip on the clicker during the summer and luckily Rescue Me made its (almost) triumphant return last night. It has been nine months since we were left wondering if how Tommy was going to make it out of the fire after being drugged by Sheila who accidentally started the blaze and was unable to pull him to safety. And the rest of the crew wasn’t that well off either as the chief had a heart-attack, Franco failed the chief’s exam, Lou’s plan of sailing off into the sunset fell apart when he realized he didn’t have the sea legs, and Shawn was saddled with the vow of honoring Tommy’s sister the rest of his life. And apparently Probie is no longer gar nor a probie.

It apparently has been nine months on the show as Janet already had her baby whose is Tommy’s dead brother. And making it out of the fire seems to be the least of his worries now as the insurance company is on his back assuming the fire was part of fraud scheme thanks to accelerate that was found at the scene. It doesn’t help that his signature showed up on papers to insure the new house from fire and Sheila’s life not too long before the house when down. Add that to Tommy talking care of his newborn nephew, being stalked by the volunteer firefighter that pulled him out of the fire (wait, since when is being stalked by Jennifer Esposito a bad thing?), and everyone around him assuming he is going to jail, it has not been a good nine months for Tommy Gavin.

If there was a complaint about the season four premiere is that it took way to long to get to any action as them spent too much time tying up loose ends from last season. But when the crew finally went out for their first call, it was a doozie as the simple cat run turned into something more quickly. When Mike I thought, “Holy frak, they killed the Probie” and my jaw dropped as each of them dropped one by one only to see that a wall went out too saving their lives. They did a good job setting up storylines for this season besides the insurance fraud with Mike’s family health scare and Franco getting serious. And Mike isn’t the only one that is no longer gay as Colleen has also gone back to guys and has gotten a little too serious with an older man. And it is probably a good bet that the house will bet the black probie who will undoubtedly run into Franco’s girlfriend’s retarded brother.

Verdict: This episode was a little weak for a premiere but Rescue Me is still better than anything else that will air this summer and still better that most show that air in the winter. Rescue Me airs Wednesdays at 10:00 on FX.

Don't Download These Videos vol. XX

There have been a couple of videos that have caught my eye lately so I though I’d give them some love since the death of Musical Television left a void for a forum on the art form so here they are courtesy of YouTube. I advise you to watch them before you read my reviews if you don’t want me to spoil things. If you are interested in buying the video through iTunes, click the title link (where available, if not the link goes to YouTube where you can watch the video in full screen). If you are interested in buying the song, look for a link in the analysis.


The Game - Common



Common has always been considered one of the most credible rappers around, well, that was until he started showing up in Gap ads and Joss Stone videos. Nice to see all his cozying up to Madison Avenue and the pop crowd hasn’t corrupted his art as The Game stands up with his best with some help from DJ Premier. And you gotta love the black and white ungrounded performance piece for the video.


Do You Know? (The Ping-Pong Song) - Enrique Iglesias



You can chart the relevance of Enrique Iglesias by the co-stars in his videos. He went from Shannon Elizabeth to Jennifer Love Hewitt to Anna Kornakova to Micha Barton. And now he is just resigned to groping just random video hofessionals. But I have to admit I like the whole ping pong gimmick, but they should have made that more pronounced throughout the whole song.


Spies Like Us - Paul McCartney



During my review of the latest album from Paul McCartney (see: Searching for the Time That Went By so Fast), I mentioned that he hasn’t had a legitimate hit during since leaving Wings. Well Monique apparently took offence to that bringing up the theme to the Dan Aykroyd/Chevy Chase film Spies Like Us. I remember the movie to b a classic, but the song, not so much. So I was off to YouTube to see if there was video to listen to the song to give the song a listen and of course it was there (God bless the internets). And after listening to the song I completely stand by my no legitimate hits statement. After hearing this song, feel free to chime in on this debate and keep in mind, this was McCartney’s second highest charting song since leaving Wings.


(Explitive Deleted)hole - Denis Leary
(Despite labeled the “Censored Version” still not very safe for work)



Another old school video, this time to remind you the only summer series worth watching, no not the Flavor of Love rip-off Rock of Love staring the dude from Poison, but Rescue Me starts tonight at 10:00 on FX. And for those that are taping, be warned, much like last season, this episode is set to go long, going until 11:08. As for the song, is it wrong I still laugh when Denis Leary sings, “Sometimes I park in handicapped spaces while handicapped people make handicapped faces” almost fifteen years after I first heard the song?

Best Television Shows of 2006-2007 Redux

It has been one of those days weeks, and it looks like it may turn into one of those months. On a side note, is there anything more annoying than someone saying, "I don't want to get your hopes up but..." If you don't want to get someone's hopes up, then don't especially when you end up not delevering. But anyways. If I were to have any free times these days, they may be spent playing around with this new website I discovered a couple days ago, UnSpun. Basically you make a list and let people vote on it and create their own version and combine them all. I did make one comprised of my list of the Best Shows of 2006-2007. Below is a widget of that list and feel free to vote up or down on the curent list or use the "Add an item to this list fuction to rank your favorite shows and have it instantly be added to this chart (you must have an Amazon ID to make your list though to deture cheating).

Searching for the Time That Went By so Fast

Time has not been kind to Paul McCartney. Once the Beatles, for which Paul was the cute one (or so my mom would have me believe) were referred to as that band McCartney was in before Wings. Not only was he above John Lennon in the pecking order of the band, Lennon was actually third in the post-Beatles work. That was until he was shot to death and all that changed. People began to remember the Beatles again and are to this day widely regarded as the greatest band ever and Lennon is now considered the musical mastermind behind the group. And in the almost thirty since Lennon’s death, McCartney hasn’t had a legitimate hit aside when dueting with other artist such as Stevie Wonder and Michael Jackson. What’s worse is now he is mostly known these days as the future ex-husband to a one-legged reality star.

But the lack of hits weren’t because of a lack of trying as he has released eleven albums since leaving Wings. The twelfth being the newly released Memory Almost Full, the first on the new Starbucks Hear Music label after leaving his longtime label EMI. The album comes two years after the critically acclaimed, and publicly ignored, Chaos and Creation in the Backyard. But the man behind that album, Nigel Godrich, best know for producing Radiohead, didn’t return for this go around.

Memory Almost Full starts off with the very spry ditty Dance Tonight that relies heavy on a mandolin and yet still will give you the urge to follow the song’s direction, even if you are listening to it during the day. The rest of the album, despite being listenable, comes off as derivatives of his former self. It’s hard to listen to the dark and haunting Mr. Bellamy and not think of Eleanor Rigby. McCartney is much better when he tries to create something new much with Dance Tonight. Only Mother Knows is a driving rocker that gets the job done (but doesn’t nearly rock as much as Live and Let Die).

Song to Download - Dance Tonight

Memory Almost Full gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.

57 Channels and Only This Is On vol. XXII

With the lack of summer shows, the 57 Channels will most like be spotty for the next couple months if not none existent. But I would be remised if I didn’t mention something. And most know by now, CBS has ordered up a couple more episodes of Jericho, which had originally been missing from the fall lineup in part because of a fan drive that sent lots of nuts (don’t ask, I don’t know either) to network. This was a surprised to me that people cared so much of the show because it wasn’t very good and was better off being canceled. The show was so slow moving that it made Invasion seem action packed in comparison, with worse acting to boot, and I jumped ship after five or six episodes.

With the surprise renewal of Jericho, it seemed to light a fire under the Save Veronica Mars movement, a show that is more deserving of a renewal, but instead of nuts, fans started sending Mars Bars to the point that fans have bought up all remaining Mars Bars in America and have moved onto Snickers Almonds, which replaced Mars Bars in America, as well as marshmallows, because as Wallace once told Ronnie, she’s a marshmallow. In fact the company that is these foods are being bought from even set up a blog to chart the progress, you can check that out over at The Indian Food Store - Bars for Mars Campaign. All order should be made Monday June 11th at 3:00 CST to make the shipping deadline. Other good sources of the drive are at Ain’t it Cool: Mission To MARS!! CW To Be Buried UnderPallets of Diabetes-Inducing Foodstuffs?? as well as Save Veronica Mars.

Now sending food is a nice symbolic gesture, but it is possibly the only thing that will accomplish is to give The CW executives cavities. Really the best way to help save Veronica Mars is to buy its products. In conjunction with the food drive, Save Veronica Mars is also having a Veronica Mars iTunes-athon where supporters should buy, appropriately enough; The Bitch Is Back on iTunes this Tuesday, June 12th for the low, low price of $1.99. If you have a lot of disposable income, you can always buy the season pass and/or gift the episode to friends and family. Of course you can also buy the first two seasons on DVD, which would make a great present for dads and grad and of course yourself. There is no better time than now to buy it because it is currently discounted on Amazon, both under $30. The people at Save Veronica Mars even bought an ad in The Hollywood Repoter (click to enlarge):



Okay, now onto some non Veronica Mars news, there is still some time left to enter my Win a Kyle XY Prize Package, also:

Flavor of Love Girls: Charm School: There is nothing more disturbing than New York being called a “celebrity interviewer.” Well actually the 24 hour coverage on “news” station even though there was a very important immigration bill in Congress. Who is actually interested in seeing Paris being driven OJ style to court? Okay to be honest, I have enjoyed this a little thanks to Al Sharpton’s outrage and the person who, after Paris was ordered back to jail, called it the OJ decision for white people. You can download the whole season on iTunes.

Pirate Master: I have had a lot to cover lately on the 9th Green so I didn’t have time to give a proper First Impressions for this show but it is pretty much in line with the few people that have also watched it: it sucks. The show is a complete rip off of Survivor, but it is almost like the producers knew this and decided to purposely change thing to make it less like Survivor, but changed the best parts like switching teams ever week and not reading the votes off, instead the host just looking at them and telling the person who is gone. The worst though is they don’t utilize the best part of the pirate life, walking the plant. Instead the person is “cut adrift”. Lame. With that said, I’ll most likely still turn in next week.

Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip: Since coming back, the show has gotten progressively worse. It is almost like Sorkin stopped trying after he realized the show wouldn’t be coming back next year. But they did end the episode with one of my favorite songs of all-time Have a Little Faith in Me by John Hiatt. It also made a great backdrop to Matt and Harriet’s ongoing fight over religion. Check out the latest episode over at NBC.com.




Next Week’s Pick: Rescue Me, Wednesday at 10:00 on FX: The only summer show worth watching is back this week on a new day I believe (wasn’t the first three seasons on Tuesday). When we left, Tommy was drugged and in the middle of a fire. I think it is safe to assume he will make it out. Elsewhere, Shawn got married at his new dead brother in law, Franco failed his chief’s exam, Probie is no longer a probie but may or may not still be a gay homosexual, and the chief was tending bar in Neptune.

You Gotta Keep Playin', No Matter with Who

Going all the way back to the Bosom Buddies days, I have been a big Tom Hanks guy (no pun intended, okay, maybe a little). Many kids today probably never heard of that show or even now that Hanks was arguably one of the funniest men of the eighties. This may be thanks to his back to back academy awards for Philadelphia and Forrest Gump along with the one that got away, Apollo 13. With that trio of films, Hank pretty much had carte blanche to do as he pleased in Hollywood and after a few serious films, Hands decided for a lighter fair that he decided to write and direct himself.

That Thing You Do! followed the rise of a sixties band, the One-ders, from talent shows in Erie, Pennsylvania to the Billboard charts thanks their the uber-catchy song that shares the name of the movie. Even though stars in the movie, he doesn’t show up until the middle of the movie as the bands’ big time manager who wisely changes the band’s name to the Wonders to avoid confusion and mispronunciation. Instead Hanks leaves the movie in the hands of a cast who were relative unknowns back in 1996.

Leading the way was the Tom Hanks look-alike Tom Everett Scott (Dead Man on Campus) as the last minute replacement for a talent show as the band’s original drummer, played by Earl Hickey’s old pal Ralph, broke his hand right before the show. Not that he endeared himself to his new band mates, primarily principle writer Johnathon Schaech (The Sweetest Thing), who song Scott speeds up as Schaech wrote That Thing You Do as a balled. But the rest of the band, Steve Zahn (Saving Silverman) the rambunctious guitarist, and Ethan Embry (Can’t Hardly Wait) filling out the quiet one quota in the band.

And Hanks isn’t the only one in the cast with a little golden man as the film was one of the first times anyone saw Charlize Theron (Sweet November) as she shows up as Scott’s disinterested girlfriend. Then there was Liv Tyler (Jersey Girl), who may be a little more well versed in seventies rock than sixties pop, as the unofficial fifth member of the band and Schaech’s main squeeze. Hanks wasn’t shy about also giving some work to his friends and family as both his wife and kid, Colin in his first on screen roll, make cameos as well as his former Bosom Buddy Peter Scolari who hosts the Ed Sullivan like show the Wonders performs on.

Just as important as the casting was the role of writing a song that actually could have been a hit back in the sixties. And they definitely were successful with that with That Thing You Do, a catchy ditty written by Adam Schlesinger, who later got a hit singing about Stacy’s Mom with his band Fountains of Wayne years later. The song was so good that not only did the song fictitiously land in the top ten on the Billboard charts in the sixties, it peaked at forty-one back in 1996 for real.

Over ten years after its initial release, the movie gets a special edition treatment with the Tom Hanks’ Extended Cut with over thirty minutes of footage of scenes that originally saw the cutting room floor for the original theater version. This does make the the Extended Cut a little long in the tooth in parts of the film (but you can always check out the Original Theatrical Release if the extended version is too long for you). There is also a second disk chalk full of extras that includes three featurettes, a reunion of the cast, HBO First Look, your garden variety of TV spots and trailers, and more.

That Thing You Do! Tom Hanks’ Extended Cut gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.

Don't Download These Videos vol. XIX

There have been a couple of videos that have caught my eye lately so I though I’d give them some love since the death of Musical Television left a void for a forum on the art form so here they are courtesy of YouTube. I advise you to watch them before you read my reviews if you don’t want me to spoil things. If you are interested in buying the video through iTunes, click the title link (where available, if not the link goes to YouTube where you can watch the video in full screen). If you are interested in buying the song, look for a link in the analysis.


Fluorescent Adolescent - Arctic Monkeys



Take out the obvious Karma Police rip off of an ending, and the latest from the Arctic Monkeys could be the most entertaining video of the year. C’mon, old dudes and clowns beating the crap out of each other, how has someone not thought of this already?


Stranger - Hilary Duff



I never thought it would happen, but someone when and made Hilary Duff remotely attractive, specifically the Indian set up and the purple dress look. Granted even though she looks almost good, it is still hard not to laugh during her dance sequence. As for the plot of the video, your guess is as good as mine.


When You’re Gone - Avril Lavigne



I’m not sure what we need less in the world, another silly little pop song that shamelessly exploits the war, this time from a Canadian no less, are a love song written about the dude from Sum41. Okay, but at least the whole walls falling down near the end were pretty cool so I will give Avril Lavigne some points there.


The Rat Cage - Beastie Boys



I own every Beastie Boys album, but I’m not sure I can get behind an album of all instrumentals. They are cool when they slip one or two on a usual album and The Rat Cage is really funky, but I’m sure I would want to hear their trademark quirky lyrics eventually. Hopefully one of those isn’t too far behind. As for the video, it is still classic Beasties.

Now That it's Raining More Than Ever

With her previous two albums released over the previous two years, Rihanna was always good for at least one great summer jam that most people have forgotten by the time the leaves began to fall. For the third straight summer, the Barbados native attempts the three-peat of summer anthems but unfortunately Umbrella falls way short of Pon de Replay and SOS. Not surprisingly, the song was rumored to be passed on by artists such as Hilary Duff among others, but the song actually could have been as catchy as her previous hits if it wasn’t for that annoying chorus (“Umbrella-ella-ella-ella-eh-eh-eh-eh-eh-eh”). Seriously, how could no one, from the writer, producer, anyone at the label or Rihanna herself not hear that chorus and think, “yeah, that doesn’t work.”

But even though the highs are not as high as previous outings, Rihanna’s latest album, Good Girl Gone Bad is the most solid as a whole that her previous. This is thanks to a diverse range of songs that range smooth R&B (Hate That I Love You with Ne-Yo which is a much better anti-love song than Unfaithful) disco (Don’t Stop the Music), rock (Shut Up and Drive), Caribbean (Lemme Get That), and old school R&B with a modern twist (Say It). And with the success of the Tainted Love sampling SOS, Rihanna has dug into the eighties hit to be the basis of a couple songs on this album including Running with the Night on Push Up on Me, Wanna Be Startin’ Somethin’, and Blue Monday on Shut Up and Drive.

That’s not to say there aren’t some clunkers, Breakin’ Dishes is a Ring the Alarm wannabe but without the siren in the background or even the sound of breaking dishes. Plus you could tell Beyoncé was legitimately pissed, Rihanna sounds like she is singing just another song. Then the three Timbaland tracks, Sell Me Candy, Lemme Get That and Rehab just song like cookie cutter filler. And sadly Rehab isn’t even an Amy Winehouse cover instead the rehab in the song is just a cheesy metaphor because “you’re my disease.” Yawn. But what can you really expect from a song written by Justin Timberlake? If you are asking me if you should download that song then I say, “No, no, no.”

Song to Download - Shut Up and Drive

Good Girl Gone Bad gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.

We on Award Tour: 2007 MTV Movie Awards

After years of just having random hot chicks host, we finally have an actual comedian host the MTV Movie Awards. But as soon as the get something right, they do something as equally wrong to cancel out the goodness, namely replacing professionally done movie spoofs with amateur ones which after seeing the final three, was a huge mistake. You know the spoofs were really bad when the best actually spoofed United 93. You know, the movie that documented the flight that went down in Pennsylvania on September 11th. But the show wasn’t all bad; here are some more thoughts on the festivities:

- We get are very first commercial free pre show and it is pretty clear the Transformers was the one that picked up the tab. I would say a good twenty minutes of the half hour was devoted to the movie. And even though I was a huge Transformers in my youth, there is no way you can get me to see a live action movie version. I have leaned my lesson from the live action Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movies.

- One of the few non Transformers interviews was with Mandy Moore and the dude from The Office (I choose not to type his name not because I can’t spell it but because, well actually, that pretty much sums it up) who hilariously pull out the sarcasm when it is mentioned that Paris Hilton arrive.

- That may have been the worst opening in the awards history. Obviously someone was smoking something when they wrote that.

- At least that was saved but the monologue when Sarah Silverman has even more fun at Paris Hilton’s expense. Is it wrong that my biggest laughs of the night were when people started cheering when Silverman mentioned Hilton’s impending jail team and the subsequence look on her face when Hilton realize everyone hates her.

- We are live for the first time tonight and it seemed there were a lot more cursing then usually even if you take away Silverman’s closing song.

- The cast of Fantastic Four is out first to present. Pretty much every presenting team was a cast of a movie (I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry, Live Free or Die Trying, License to Wed, Transformers, Hairspray). It’s like MTV doesn’t even try not to hind they are a complete industry shill. I guess they don’t have to when people like me come back every year. Not surprisingly they handed out the award for best villain to Jack Nicholson because he was prominently shown during the monologue and Jack isn’t showing up if he didn’t win. And since there were no gratuitous shots of him after the award, I bet he walked right out of the auditorium after picking up his award.

- Seriously, the Mac guy is going to be in the next Die Hard movie? Did Bruce Willis just okay this to get iPods for his family? And did he get the Windows guy a cameo?

- They really needed to black out more than they did in the Borat fight scene.

- Apropos that Dane Cook introduced all of the laughless amateur spoof. Almost as unfunny as the spoofs and Cook were those Human Giant spots. Now I know to never watch that show.

- In the rare non-cast presenting team, they took the time machine back to 1997 to team up Posh Spice and Chris Tucker.

- Is Umbrella really the number one song in the country? The live rock version is was a little better than the album version. Although Rihanna must really be talented if she can sing if we can hear her without her lips movie like at the ends of the performance.

- At least we got one good spoof with Silverman trying to find a presenter. Unfortunately it ended with another poor idea, having a random webcam user present an award.

- Why have an Orbitz Dirty Mouth if they don’t even show the winner let along the nominees. Oh yeah, it was just for a blatant cooperate sponsorship.

- They are resurrecting the Unplugged series for Bon Jovi? Or are they reshowing one from twenty years ago?

- It was nice that MTV made fun of all the annoying people who quote Borat ad nausea with the Boratititus segment. Yes random frat boy, I’m talking to you, stop it, it is not funny when you do it.

- When I heard Mike Myers was going to win the Generations Awards I was excited thinking they were going back to their roots like the great Lifetime Achievement Awards. That was until I realized they were awarding it to Austin Powers not the unkillable homicidal maniac. What was really sad was Myers pulled out an old Wayne’s World joke with the whole sell out part of his acceptance speech.

- As much as I like Amy Winehouse, her performance was a little disappointing as it was the same as her Letterman performance and every other show of the like. They could at least show pictures of Lindsay Lohan, Britney Spears, et al, behind her. In fact, they just released a remix of the show with Jay-Z, he was already there, he could have jumped on stage.

- I would personally like to thank whoever decided to turn Amanda Bynes into a stripper. She didn’t quite pull it off entirely, but it still worked for me.

- It was nice to see a movie that was universally panned by critics and viewers alike, Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest actually took home the Best Movie award. And it is not a good sign when your live awards show actually ends two minutes early. No wonder we rarely saw the morbidly obese dude with the freakish bellybutton.

Best Television Shows of 2006-2007

Much like the STA’s, to be eligible, the show must have had the bulk of the season’s episode between June 2006 and May 2007. So without further ado, here are the top ten best shows of the past year:

1. Veronica Mars 3.x (CW)
2. Friday Night Lights 1.x (NBC)
3. Rescue Me 3.x (FX)
4. My Name Is Earl 2.x (NBC)
5. Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip 1.x (NBC)
6. Knights of Prosperity 1.x (ABC)
7. The (White) Rapper Show (VH1)
8. Lost 3.x (ABC)
9. Heroes 1.x (NBC)
10. Survivor: Fiji (CBS)


The breakdown of the networks is below as NBC dominated quality television last year, yet sadly they have been near the bottom of the ratings for most of the year. Also I added up all the Quote of the Week and Song of the Week winners from my 57 Channels and Only This Is On posts that I started back in January of this year just for the fun of it:

NBC (4)
ABC (2)
CW (1)
FX (1)
VH1 (1)
CBS (1)


Quote of the Week
My Name Is Earl (5)
Veronica Mars (5)
Friday Night Lights (3)
Knights of Prosperity (1)
Supernatural (1)
Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip (1)
South Park (1)
Late Night with Conan O’Brien (1)
Everybody Hates Chris (1)
Lost (1)
How I Met Your Mother (1)


Song of the Week
Knights of Prosperity (5)
Veronica Mars (4)
My Name Is Earl (2)
Friday Night Lights (2)
Everybody Hates Chris (2)
How I Met Your Mother (1)
Smallville (1)
Late Show with David Letterman (1)
Jimmy Kimmel Live (1)

3rd Annual Scooter Television Awards

Welcome to the 3nd Annual Scooter Television Awards honoring show that aired new episodes between June 2006 and May 2007. I will save the explanation of certain winner's when I do a comprehensive review of that season in the near future (for the reviews I done already check out my Terror Alert Scale archives). Before we get to handing out the awards, let me take time out for the obligatory memoriam section, so cue up It’s So Hard to Say Goodbye to Yesterday and pour some chocolate milk out Randy style out for the homies that are no longer with us:

Big Chubby
Charlie Pace
Dean O’Dell
Don Lamb
Future Paining guy and his girlfriend
Knights of Prosperity
Linderman
Mindy O’Dell
Random Castaways
Shaft
Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip
Veronica Mars
Zeke

Now without further ado, here are the winners of the 2007 STA's:

Best Scripted Show: Veronica Mars

Best Sitcom: My Name Is Earl

Best Cable Show: Rescue Me

Best Reality Show (Game Show): The (White) Rapper Show

Best Reality Show (Documentary): Ice T’s Rap School

Best Talk Show: Pardon the Interruption

Best New Show: Friday Night Lights

Best Awards Show: Big in 2006 Awards

Best Hour of TV: Mud Bowl (Friday Night Lights)

Best Half Hour of TV: Two Balls, Two Strikes (My Name Is Earl)

Worst Idea: Not Killing Peter the Five Times they Teased It (Heroes)

Best Shocker: Lost’s Flashforward

Best Promo:



Best Song Placement: What’s Left of Me - Nick Lachay (Veronica Mars)

Best Karaoke: Ronnie singing Bad Day (Veronica Mars)

Hottest Token Hot Chick:





Best Character: Dick Casablancas (Veronica Mars)

Best New Character: Landry Clarke (Friday Night Lights)

Best Guest Appearance: Mick Jagger (Knights of Prosperity)

Best Cast Addition: Juliet (Lost)

Most Entertaining Reality "Star": Brooke Labaraba (The Real World: Denver)

Best Quote: “It’s my job to make sure you don’t grow up stupid; it’s bad for the world.” (Tammi Taylor, Friday Night Lights)

Show That Should Be Brought Back: Veronica Mars

Win a Kyle XY Prize Package

For the astute readers who read the Cleaning Out My Inbox post might have seen the line “For those who missed the season, I may or may not be able to help you out with that in the near future” and realized I was hinting at a contest and after ironing out the rules and the like I am happy to announce my latest contest where you can win a Kyle XY prize package. Here is what is up for grab:

- Kyle XY Season 1 on DVD

- Kyle XY Soundtrack

- Kyle XY postcards/tattoos

- 3 different teaser posters (as seen below, click to enlarge)



So know you know what you will be getting, here is how you can enter the contest to win yourself. There are three different ways you can enter to win:


1. In the series, Kyle is taken in by the Trager’s. Name your favorite TV foster family of all time.

2. As I mentioned before, the whole no belly button creeps me out, name something that creeps you out but you know shouldn’t.

3. Link this contest on your blog or link it on a message board (only one entry allowed per message board and link must be posted at least 24 hours before the conclusion of the contest).

You can e-mail your entries to ScooterKSU(at)aol(dot)com (subject: Kyle XY) or leave them here in the comment section (but if you leave a comment make sure there is an easy way for me to find how to contact you). If you link the contest, make sure you let me know you did so you get credited with an entry. You may enter multiple times (up to three times), but can only win once. The contest ends Sunday, June 10 at 11:59 PM EST. The winners will be picked at random from all eligible entries and will be contacted shortly after. Also this contest is only open to people with shipping addresses in the continental Untied States or Canada.

A new season of Kyle XY starts up Monday June 11 at 8:00 on ABCFamily. Reader Allison also commented that ABC Family is running a marathon of season 1 of the series the day before, June 10, so check your local listings for the exact start time if you want to check out the show to see what you will be winning or get a refresher if you have already seen the show. If you are not the lucky winner, you can download season 1 on iTunes or buy the DVD on Amazon (see below).



(Scooter's Note: to get this contest posted as soon as possible, I have postponed the latest induction into the Scooter Hall of Fame until later next week)

Man, it’s Three’s Company, Call Me Jack Tripper

There is good news and bad news when it comes to the latest album from R. Kelly, Double Up. The bad news first: no new chapters in the greatness that is the Trapped in the Closet saga. But the good news is, well there actually isn’t any good news regarding this album, but luckily we won’t have to wait too long (July 24) until we get updates on Rufus et al.

Unfortunately his latest disk plays out much like his last, TP3: Reloaded (see: I Hope You'll Got Your Playa Cards), same tired over exaggerated sexcapades over the same R&B/Hip Hop beats with uninspired guest spots, but without Trapped in the Closet to save it. Oddly the new album is bookend by the two of the rare songs that don’t have to do with how Mr. Kelly performs in the bed starting with The Champ where Robert compares his career to a boxing match and ends with Rise Up, a I Believe I Can Fly style anthem that disturbingly is dedicated to Virginia Tech. Really after listening to songs that can’t but help conjure up visions of his alleged video that won’t get any play on MTV anytime soon.

For those like me waiting for another installment of Trapped in the Closet, the closest song here is Real Talk that concludes with a very entertaining, profanity laden ending. Mildly entertaining, but don’t hold up on repeat listens, are the songs where R likens sex to different things like The Zoo (animal lovin’), Sweet Tooth (candy), and Sex Planet (seriously, if you want a good laugh at your next party, do a serious reading of the lyrics to this song because with lines “Can I taste your Milky Way?” and “We’ll take a trip to Uranus” you will bring down any house).

Now the uninspired guest spots, most of which actually bring down the songs they are on, the worst being Nelly who just brings his tired themes to the worst track on the album, Tryin’ to Get a Number. Speaking of tired themes, how sad is it that self promotion in rap has gotten so oversaturated that artist are now promoting their own music on guest spots like T-Pain who shamelessly brings up he was in love with a stripper on the I’m a Flirt (Remix). And should I know who Huey is? Is he in a group with rappers named Dewey and Louie? The only people that actually bring something to the song they are on are Snoop Dogg on the title track and Ludacris on Rock Star. But R. Kelly really shouldn’t do anymore collaboration unless it is with Sylvester, Gwendolyn, Rufus, Twan, the fat white chick, and the midget who did his midget business in his pants.

(Scooter’s Note: I tend to not believe anything I read on the internets especially anything without notation on Wikipedia, but if it is true that R. Kelly is actually negotiating a Trapped in the Closet series with Fox Television, I may lift my ban on the network, if only for that show)

Song to Download - Sex Planet (just because it is frakking hilarious)

Double Up gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.