Man, it’s Three’s Company, Call Me Jack Tripper

There is good news and bad news when it comes to the latest album from R. Kelly, Double Up. The bad news first: no new chapters in the greatness that is the Trapped in the Closet saga. But the good news is, well there actually isn’t any good news regarding this album, but luckily we won’t have to wait too long (July 24) until we get updates on Rufus et al.

Unfortunately his latest disk plays out much like his last, TP3: Reloaded (see: I Hope You'll Got Your Playa Cards), same tired over exaggerated sexcapades over the same R&B/Hip Hop beats with uninspired guest spots, but without Trapped in the Closet to save it. Oddly the new album is bookend by the two of the rare songs that don’t have to do with how Mr. Kelly performs in the bed starting with The Champ where Robert compares his career to a boxing match and ends with Rise Up, a I Believe I Can Fly style anthem that disturbingly is dedicated to Virginia Tech. Really after listening to songs that can’t but help conjure up visions of his alleged video that won’t get any play on MTV anytime soon.

For those like me waiting for another installment of Trapped in the Closet, the closest song here is Real Talk that concludes with a very entertaining, profanity laden ending. Mildly entertaining, but don’t hold up on repeat listens, are the songs where R likens sex to different things like The Zoo (animal lovin’), Sweet Tooth (candy), and Sex Planet (seriously, if you want a good laugh at your next party, do a serious reading of the lyrics to this song because with lines “Can I taste your Milky Way?” and “We’ll take a trip to Uranus” you will bring down any house).

Now the uninspired guest spots, most of which actually bring down the songs they are on, the worst being Nelly who just brings his tired themes to the worst track on the album, Tryin’ to Get a Number. Speaking of tired themes, how sad is it that self promotion in rap has gotten so oversaturated that artist are now promoting their own music on guest spots like T-Pain who shamelessly brings up he was in love with a stripper on the I’m a Flirt (Remix). And should I know who Huey is? Is he in a group with rappers named Dewey and Louie? The only people that actually bring something to the song they are on are Snoop Dogg on the title track and Ludacris on Rock Star. But R. Kelly really shouldn’t do anymore collaboration unless it is with Sylvester, Gwendolyn, Rufus, Twan, the fat white chick, and the midget who did his midget business in his pants.

(Scooter’s Note: I tend to not believe anything I read on the internets especially anything without notation on Wikipedia, but if it is true that R. Kelly is actually negotiating a Trapped in the Closet series with Fox Television, I may lift my ban on the network, if only for that show)

Song to Download - Sex Planet (just because it is frakking hilarious)

Double Up gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.