Public Service Announcement

Ladies and gentlemen, well, mostly this is for you ladies out there, there is a grown problem that has been plaguing our nation in recent months: chicks with uber-bangs. Some once hot chicks have for some reason have got caught spotting this trend and have become instantly unattractive. Recent causalities include:


Alicia Keys




The Asian Chick From Lost




Reece Witherpoon




and even Kristen Bell




In fact I was recently talking to my mother about the midseason finale of Veronica Mars and she told me, “I know why Logan broke up with Veronica.” Why? “Her new haircut.” Yes ladies, sporting bangs like these are break-up-able offence. So don’t do it. And it’s not even hot chick that are doing it, some ugly chicks have been seen sporting theuber-bangs but only look uglier than they did before much like:


Gwen Stefani




as well as the very manish Fergie




Somehow even newcomers have gotten jobs with this horrible trend much like:


Coach Taylor's Kid




and Jennylee from Beauty and the Geek



I’m not entirely sure where the trend started, all I know that it needs to stop now. If I wanted to look at chicks with bangs, I’d open up my Middle School yearbook. If you look in the mirror and cannot see your either of your eyebrows, it is time to try something different. If you were thinking of emulating one of your favorite stars that are doing it, don’t. Seriously ladies, dudes don’t like the look, other females are mocking you, and it’s time to put an end to the uber-bangs and only you can stop it. This has been a public service announcement from Scooter McGavin.

Record People Are Shady VII: Winter Preview Edition

It was a month ago today when I last posted an album review for Hip Hop Is Dead from Nas, and it will still be a couple of days until I publish my first review of the year with the first album in five years from John Mellencamp, Freedom’s Road sometime next week. As it has been for the last couple years, the record business placed all its eggs in one basket releasing all there big name albums within two months before Christmas while releasing very little in the first quarter of the year. This of course has lead to record lows for record companies including this week where the Dreamgirls Soundtrack broke the record for the least amount sold for a number one album on the Billboard charts with just 66,000 albums sold breaking the low record that is only three years old by Outkast’s Speakerboxxx/The Love Below, which was also set in January of that year. And I won’t be surprised if that record is broken next week as there were no big titles released last week.

Of course this is all because the music industry is the worst run industry in America (well, it’s neck and neck with the airlines). All they have to do is look in the past to cure the winter sales blues. Like in January 1992 where Nirvana shot to number one with their debut Nevermind when all the teenagers traded in Michael Jackson’s Dangerous that they got for Christmas for the new band their parents never heard of at the time. But instead, this year in the three Tuesdays since Christmas we have gotten nothing. Luckily things will start to pick up a little nest week with Mellencamp’s album as well a new album from the band that was supposed to change my life (but didn’t), The Shins.

The record sales will get a big boost at the end of the month with the latest from Norah Jones who has already sold 24 million albums in her career. Also out that week will be the debut of karaoke loser Katharine McPhee who will most likely have a decent first week before heading of to obscurity or The Surreal Life house. But while moms across the country will be picking up those two albums all us cool hipsters will be picking up British sensation Lily Allen’s first album, Alright, Still. Here a complete run down of winter releases (dates subject to change):

January 23
Freedom’s Road - John Mellencamp
Wincing the Night Away - The Shins

January 31
Alright, Still - Lily Allen
Never Too Late - Norah Jones
Katherine McPhee - Katherine McPhee
Oh, My Nola - Harry Connick Jr.

February 6
Infidelity on High - Fall Out Boy
Headstrong - Ashley Tisdale (A High School Musical alum)


Nothing really worth mentioning past early February that this set in stone but you also expect albums to be released by spring from Joss Stone, The White Stripes, Maroon 5, Arctic Monkeys, Avril Lavigne, as well as a solo outing from Chris Cornell which I hear will feature a cover of Billie Jean. Oh and Chinese Democracy by Guns n’ Roses is supposedly going to be released March 6th. But don’t expect new albums from marquee names like Dr. Dre, Green Day, Kanye West, and U2 until late 2007. Feel free to drop me a line in the comment section if there is anything I missed that you are looking forward to coming out this winter.

Technology Can Be Scary

Recently the good people over at Give Me My Remote asked me about some latest technology and I had to laugh a little because I’m the last person you want to ask about the newest gadgets, or even older ones. I’m not cool enough to own a Tivo, my camera still uses film, and if it weren’t for my Playstation 2 I probably wouldn’t own a DVD player yet. My cell phone is only that, a phone, no games, internet or cool ringtones, not that I use it anyways, I don’t think anyone outside of my mother knows my number. And long time readers may be surprised that the music fan that I am, I may have been the last person in the middle class to get a CD player and only did so because record stores stopped stocking cassette tapes of the latest releases. I didn’t get an iPod until around the fifth generation and I still have yet to upgrade to a surround sound system. I even am typing this with a desktop computer while browsing the internets with Internet Explorer.

With my low-fi life there were plenty of things that went over my head with the technology gone wrong thriller Pulse. The movie stars Kristen Bell (Pooty Tang) whose computer wiz ex-boyfriend has seemed to fall of the face of the Earth. Unlike most ex’s, Bell seems to be worried when her ex stops calling which prompts her to pay him a visit only to see him swinging from the ceiling of his apartment. Although the next day her and her friends, including Horshack from Veronica Mars and singer Christina Milian, all get an IM from the dude.

This leads Bell to Ian Somerhalder (The Rules of Attraction) who knows his way around a computer himself and theorizes that the dead dude opened some frequency to the beyond wehre all the spirits want to suck the life out of the living. Why? Who knows. But wherever there is a wireless connection, there they will be, well except if you have red tape. Why red tape? Who knows. And there is the problem with the movie is there are way too many plot holes add to that the death are uninspired and of course there are plenty of gadgets that I have no clue what they do so they take me out of the movie.

The one saving grace is Bell who almost makes you believe the things on the screen are actually scary. But it’s a bad sign when the most entertaining thing on a DVD is a trailer for another movie, in this case Fan Boys, which also happens to star Bell.

Pulse gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.

Win a Knights of Prosperity T-Shirt - Sticky

This is a sticky post, please scroll down for the latest posts



Check out this post: 57 Channels and Only This Is On, for your chance to win your very own official Knights of Prosperity t-shirt as seen worn by the cast at right. Want more chances to win Knights of Prosperity swag? Swing over to Ducky’s brand new website to win the contest he's running. And don’t forget to watch Knights of Prosperity Wednesdays at 9:00. Or you can stream the latest episode at ABC.com.

Lyrics Quiz: Best Songs of 1997

Long before I even had a blog, at the end of the year I would countdown my favorite songs from the past twelve months and here are my twenty-five songs from a decade ago in their original order from that list (so please don’t mock me for those songs that haven’t quite stood the test of time, you know you liked them back them too). As always leave your guesses in the comment section, both song title and artist (Hint: all songs are from 1997, so make sure you list the artist that recorded the song that year which may not be the most well known version.). If you are correct, I will un-bold the lyric and give you credit. The person with the most correct lyrics will be added to the Winner’s list on my sidebar. Now on to the lyrics:


1. You’re always brilliant in the morning, smoking your cigarettes and talking over coffee. (Foolish Games - Jewel; guessed by Angie)
2. I will follow you down till the sound of my voice will haunt you. You’ll never get away from the sound of the woman that loves you. (Silver Springs - Fleetwood Mac; guessed by Monique)
3. I wipe the spots above the mirror; don’t leave the keys in the door. I never put white towels on the floor anymore. (You Were Meant for Me - Jewel; guessed by Angie)
4. She said, “It’s cold, feels like Independence Day and I can’t break away from this parade." (One Headlight - The Wallflowers; guessed by Angie)
5. Can't no Ph.D. (expletive deleted) hold me down. Cooter schooled me to the game, now I know my duty. Stay humble stay low blow like Hootie. (Mo Money, Mo Problems - The Notorious B.I.G. featuring Ma$e and Puff Daddy; guessed by Tony)
6. I watch you there through the window and I stare at you wear nothing but you wear it so well. (Crash Into Me - Dave Matthews Band; guessed by Angie)
7. My best friend took a weeks vacation to forget her. His girl took a weeks worth a Valium and slept. (The Freshmen - The Verve Pipe; guessed by Angie)
8. I can fill ya wit real millionaire (expletive deleted). Escargot, my car go, one sixty, swiftly. Wreck it buy a new one. Your crew run run run, your crew run run. (Hypnotize - The Notorious B.I.G.; guessed by Tony)
9. If I could find that Heina and that Sancho that she'd found well I'd pop a cap in Sancho and I'd slap her down. (Santeria - Sublime; guessed by Jonas)
10. I should have changed my (expletive deleted) lock, I would have made you leave your key if I had known for just one second you’d be back to bother me. (I Will Survive - Cake; guessed by Tony)
11. It’s kind of hard with you not around; I know you’re in heaven smiling down. Watching us while we pray for you, everyday we pray for you. (I'll Be Missing You - Puff Daddy featuring Faith Evans and 112; guessed by Angie)
12. You know sugar never ever was so sweet and I'm dying for ya, crying for ya, I adore ya. One hit of your love addicted me. Now I'm strung out on you darling. (Honey - Mariah Carey; guessed by Tony)
13. Drove up to Hillside Manor sometime after 2 A.M. and talked a little while about the year. (A Long December - Counting Crows; guessed by Anna)
14. He drinks a whiskey drink, he drinks a Vodka drink, he drinks a Laager drink, he drinks a cider drink. (Tubthumping - Chumbawumba; guessed by Angie)
15. Reason will not reach a solution. I will end up lost in confusion. I don't care if you really care as long as you don't go. (Lovefool - The Cardigans; guessed by Erica)
16. It feels like spring time in winter. It feels like Christmas in June. It feels like heaven has opened up its gates for me and you. (Everytime I Close My Eyes - Babyface; guessed by Tony)
17. Everywhere I go people stop and they see, twenty-five years old, my mother God rest her soul. (Fly - Sugar Ray; guessed by Anna)
18. You give us a tantrum and a know-it-all-grin just when we need one, when the evening’s thin. (Building a Mystery - Sarah McLachlan; guessed by Anna)
19. Referee won’t blow the whistle, God is great but will he listen. I’m nearly great, but there’s something missing. (Staring at the Sun - U2; guessed by Tony)
20. And their kids were hippie chicks all hypocrites because fashion is smashing the true meaning of it. (Walkin' on the Sun - Smash Mouth; guessed by Angie)
21. For those of you that think gospel music has gone too far. You think we got too radical with our message. Well I got news for you, you ain’t heard nothing yet, and if you don't know now you know. Glory, Glory!! (Stomp - Kirk Franklin's Nu Nation; guessed by Tony)
22. After all you been through, I will make it up to you, I promise you, baby. And after all that has been said and done, you’re just a part of me I can’t let go. (Hard to Say I'm Sorry - Az Yet and Peter Cetera; guessed by Monique)
23. I’m not black like Barry White; no I’m white like Frank Black is. (Fire Water Burn - The Bloodhound Gang; guessed by Anna)
24. Finally I figured out but it took a long, long time. But now there's a turnabout maybe ‘cause I'm trying. (All for You - Sister Hazel; guessed by Tony)
25. Trying to make a train at sunrise gonna have to run a red light. Tangling with my Carolina you know the girl kept me up all night. And when my Carolina throw down you know the girl knows how to fight. (Carolina Blues - Blues Traveler; guessed by Tony)

Happy Martin Luther King Day

Hopefully everyone had a fun and productive MLK Day. I just wanted to pop in to let everyone that this month's Lyrics Quiz will be postponed until tomorrow as I spent all day today painting. Actually I only spent about three hours painting, I spent the rest of the three day weekend stripping wallpaper. And I am ready to declare stripping wallpaper as the least fun thing ever. I defy anyone to come up with something they have ever done to be less fun. In fact if anyone is able to tell me something they have done that is less fun than stripping wallpaper and I agree, I will put you in the hopper to win my Knights of Prosperity Contest. Keep in mind that the contest ends this Wednesday at 11:59 EST. And don't forget to stop by tomorrow for the latest Lyrics Quiz.

57 Channels and Only This Is On vol. II

Be sure to check out my contest to win your own Knights of Prosperity T-Shirt. Contest runs until this Wednesday.

Quote of the Week: You now the woman who could have been the next Faith Hill but somewhere along the way discovered Peach Daiquiris, her diaphragm went wrong and wound up smack down in the middle of trailer hell raising two kids. Yep she still manages to look hot and you can bounce a quarter off her butt; you got to take care of yourself, c’mon. Well that’s me, My Name Is Joy. (My Name Is Earl)

Song of the Week: Do Me! - Bell Biv DeVoe (Knights of Prosperity)

How I Met Your Mother: I have a bad experience with I Had the Time of My Life so this episode was painful to watch.

Beauty and the Geek: Anyone else find it suspicious that the four ethnic looking contestants on the show not only paired up but were the first two teams voted off?

Friday Night Light: Somewhat of an off episode this week, seriously where was Landry? Tyra is back though but it was hard to not laugh at her big scene. But I’m really surprised that it hasn’t turned knocked up from her one night stand with random dude and then claiming Riggins as the baby daddy. But the best scene of the week was when Julie told her parents that they were the best in the world then Coach started to bask in the kind words but mama knew her saying that meant something was wrong.

Presidential Address: When Charles Gibson comes on and goes point by point what George Bush is about to talk about, why do we have to sit through his broken English when we already know what he is going to say?

Let’s Rob Mick Jagger: While lesser people play stupid games like Gay, Straight or Taken, the Knights played a much better game of Intern: Gay or a Virgin. I also loved how they ended the show with the Knights where new shirts with Mick’s access code on them but the same bright orange color.

My Name Is Earl Randy Joy Crabman: The start was pretty slow but as soon as Randy started talking I was on the floor laughing. Of course Joy’s intro was the best. They did spread the joke too thin with My Name Is Doddie. You’d think professional comedy writers would know the rule of three. And a note to NBC, when you say, “Stay tuned for more Earl” have more Earl after the break not an ad for that lame Grease reality show and then go straight into The Office without any more Earl.

Smallville: Tori Spelling was the worst guest star since Paris Hilton on Veronica Mars.

Also check out my First Impressions of I’m From Rolling Stone, The Surreal Life Fame Games, Ego Trip’s The (White) Rapper Show, and why I’m not watching Armed and Famous.

Promo of the Week: Okay I said last week that it was just a onetime thing but here’s another one that caught my eye even though I don’t actually watch Gilmore Girls account that I’m a dude. But I love the line “I knew Tom Hanks when he was a Bosom Buddy,” and even though Regina Spector’s other song Fidelity is getting more attention, including closing out an episode of Veronica Mars, this song On the Radio is much better if just for the odd November Rain reference:



Next Week’s Pick: Smallville, 8:00 The CW: Over the last couple seasons Clark has run into a couple future Justice League members but this week sees them all together for the first time including one Beaver Casablancas as the Flash.

The Class Goes Live

Now I gave up on the show around the time Everybody Hates Chris moved to Mondays, but I may have been a little too hard on The Class considering that it is by far the funniest new show about a chance reunion this season. Speaking of In Case of Emergency, I gave it a second chance and actually laughed less at the second episode. So for those keeping track at home, in two episodes, there has been a total of one laugh. But anyways. Back to The Class, the show is doing something really cool next week and here's a press release and some pictures courtesy of Warner Brothers and CBS:


GO BEHIND THE SCENES OF THE HIT COMEDY SERIES “THE CLASS” AT CBS.COM

Attention, fans! It’s time to go to class. “The Class,” that is. Warner Bros. Television and CBS Interactive invite viewers to experience, for the first time ever, a pair of live events that will provide a unique, behind-the-scenes look at the process of producing an original episode of a major network television series.

First Stop: The Table Read

On Monday, January 15 at 11:00 a.m. PT, fans can go to www.cbs.com to watch a live webcast of the cast, producers and writers of “The Class” participating in a “table read” of an upcoming episode. The table read marks the first day of production on a half-hour multi-camera comedy, offering the actors their first opportunity to work on scenes together and giving the director, writers and producers instant feedback on how the episode is received by an audience. The table read is traditionally followed by rehearsal on Tuesday, leading to the first complete rehearsal performance of the episode on stage on Wednesday. And CBS.com will be there, too.

The Run-Thru: Halfway There

“On Wednesday, January 17 at 1:00 p.m. PT, fan can catch a second live webcast at www.cbs.com to watch the run-thru. Traditionally, this full-episode rehearsal process takes place behind closed doors, but this exclusive event takes viewers directly inside the world of this fresh new comedy series—live and uncut.

The Class”—from comedy kings David Crane (“Friends”) & Jeffrey Klarik (“Mad About You”), along with veteran director/executive producer James Burrows (“Taxi,” “Cheers”)—follows a group of former third-grade classmates whose lives become inextricably bound together after they reunite 20 years later. The series stars Andrea Anders, Jon Bernthal, Lizzy Caplan, Jesse Tyler Ferguson, Heather Goldenhersh, Sean Maguire and Jason Ritter, and it comes from craneklarik productions in association with Warner Bros. Television.

Don’t forget to watch “The Class” Mondays at 8:30 p.m. on the CBS Television Network.

First Impressions: The (White) Rapper Show

I’m not entirely sure who or what Ego Trip is, but they were behind what could have been the best or worst new show of the year. With a name like The (White) Rapper Show there really wasn’t going to be much between. Luckily for those that like to be entertained, it closer to the best side of things. The show takes ten rappers from all around the world of the Caucasian persuasion and has them battle it out to be the next big white hope.

Naturally the auditions are first as host MC Serch of 3rd Bass (who are for some reason missing from iTunes) with the help of producer Prince Paul try to narrow the group of a hundred to the ten that would make the show. With people like the old Jewish dude and the oversized chick who kept on rapping about her kootchiepop, that task didn’t seem all that hard and Serch made it seem. Well maybe it was condidering there were not ten white rappers worth picking from what I saw. Surprisingly one of the chicks had the gull to inform Serch that Vanilla Ice is her biggest influences considering he dedicated a whole song lampooning the future two time Surreal Lifer.

Even big surprise was the same girl, G-Girl, ended up in the final ten and made it into Tha White House (yes that is what they are calling it and there are White Trash cans inside too) in the South Bronx. And looking at the other nine, she may just have a chance of winning. The stand out contestant, and not in a good way, is John Brown. For all you college students out there that still enjoy drinking games, here’s one that will get you messed up quick, take a drink every time Jon Brown mentions “King of the ‘Burbs” or “Ghetto Revival.” No word on why the King of the ‘Burbs would want to revive the ghetto or whether or not John Brown is a sheriff or not. And it doesn’t seem like his housemates like him that much as Persia stuck her, um how do I want to put this, her self pleasuring devise in dude’s face. And he also got into a war of words with Sullee. Now that’s surprising, a dude from Boston named Sullee and he likes to throw down after too many beers. They really are breaking down stereotypes on this show.

Other contestants include include 100 Proof, the Kid Rock one of the group. Then there’s Ohio’s own Dasit although I have never once heard anyone call Toledo T-Town and I even lived with a wannabe rapper from Toledo. He’s also the first one to go so he better not ever bring that weak stuff to my homies in Yompton (Youngstown for those not in the know). Jon Boy may have the most unfortunate rap name of anyone that doesn’t have “Lil” in their name. Jus Rhyme, well I really don’t remember anything from him in the first episode. $hamrock can be best recognized as he’s the only one with those ridiculous grillz in his mouth. Rounding out the house is Misfit who hits the rap trifecta of wack being white, a chick, and British but she will uncertainly be kept around for awhile on account that she’s hot.

Verdict: All of the contestants are closer to Kevin Federline than Eminem but they are all so loony there’s bound to be a can’t miss moment every episode. And despite al the silliness there a sense of responsibility like when Persia drops why too many N-Bombs and is punished for it and they get a history lesson for Rock and Hall of Fame inductee Grandmaster Flash (surely the Flavor Flav guest spot is inevitable). And hey, at least it is more entertaining than just dudes singing karaoke.

The Return of Big Head Barry and the Monsters

I had my review of Ego Trip’s The (White) Rapper Show all ready to go but I had to put that on the back burner once again because my favorite oversized dome made it into the news again. It was reported today that Big Head Barry failed a drug test. Take that all you Bonds backers who said he never failed a drug test because he will forever have one on his resume. Well that and already admitting to using The Cream and The Clear in his grand jury testimony. Although it’s an odd time for this to be released considering that the season ended about four months ago but that is because he failed the test six months ago. As always Major League Baseball is on top of things. And taking a page out of George Bush’s playbook, the buck stops somewhere over there when Big Head Barry blamed the failed test on something he took out of former teammate Mike Sweeney’s locker. So we can add thief to liar and druggie. Well unless he lied about being a thief because guess who didn’t test positive for the drug that was stolen out of his locker: Mike Sweeney.

This wasn’t the best week for oversized domes as surely you all know by now that the original Big Head, Mark McGwire was rejected in his first try into the Baseball Hall of Fame garnishing on 23.5 percent of the 75 percent needed to get in. I never understood the argument for McGwire getting in because even if you took away the cloud of steroids out of the equation he was a mediocre at best player who just had about three great years which were based mostly on the number of home runs he hit. He couldn’t much else and was at times a liability on the field. Other oversized domes didn’t fair as well as McGwire as former Surreal Lifer Jose Canseco only got 1.1 percent of the votes while the first steroid admitter, the late Ken Caminiti received just two votes. Also not receiving enough votes to stay on the ballot for next year (you need at least 5 percent of the vote) was Joey Bell at 3.5 who I’m surprised has avoided all the steroids talk as he is a known cheater who sent a bat boy through the air ducts to steal his corked bats from the umpires.

In non baseball news, THE BRITISH ARE COMING! THE BRITISH ARE COMING! Okay it’s not the Redcoats, it just David Beckham who signed on to play with the Los Angeles Galaxy. This is notable for two reasons, one I find this quote by Becks funny, “I've played now for two of the biggest clubs in the world and played at the highest level for 15 years, and now I think that I need another challenge.” What challenge is that, a less superior league? How is that a challenge? The second is that he will presumably bring along his wife best now on this side of the pond as Posh Spice, whom not only I once met, I also royally irritated her in our meeting. Fun times.

I'd Rather Spend Eternity Eating Shards of Broken Glass

A quick programming note: The Knights of Prosperity, or as I like to call it Let’s Rob Mick Jagger will be on tonight following the Presidential Address at 9:25 so set your alarm clock, VCR, or if your cool enough, your Tivo. If you end up missing it, you can always check it out at ABC.com. And don’t forget to check out my contest on how to win a Knights of Prosperity T-Shirt.

But today I don’t want to talk about entertaining shows like Let’s Rob Mick Jagger or Ego Trip’s The (White) Rapper Show which I’ll be talking about tomorrow. Earlier this week I summed up In Case of Emergency as the least funny show since Four Kings. But there are some shows debuting this year that are so bad that there is no way you can get me to watch them. Topping that list is the Jennifer Lopez driven Dance Life. Just when I think the J-Lo era is finally over they give her and her uber-lame husband their own reality show. Thanks MTV, this better not lead to another crappy album from her.

Next up on the now way I’m ever watching list: Gay, Straight or Taken. What’s worse is this is on Lifetime. So this is what woman do for entertainment? Not only that, wasn’t this a Fox reality show called Playing it Straight at one point? Speaking of ripping off other show, there is I Love New York. What brain trust thought this was a good idea? Didn’t these people learned form The Bachelorette which killed off The Bachelor franchise? Not to mention Flavor Flav is a star, New York, not so much.

Which leads me to tonight’s premiere of another show you won’t ever catch me watching: Armed and Famous. Yeah, why not in the middle of the War on Terror deputize a bunch of publicity seekers who will only mock the profession of protecting us? I have a sinking suspicion that this was the very reality show Jordan McDeere passed on for NBS. But surpisingly it wasn’t picked up by Fox, nope this stinker will air on CBS. And the cast makes the Surreal Life Fame Gamers look like actual A-Listers: Erik Estrada looks like he is trying to beat his Surreal cast mate Trishelle for shaming themselves for the most reality show, LaToya Jackson is a sixth rate Jackson after Michael, Janet, Joe, Tito and Germaine, Jack Osbourne is also the least interesting in his family, Jason Acuna known to drunken frat boys everywhere as Wee Man, and Trish Stratus who left wrestling for this trash. Oh and I have pictures courtesy of CBS:



Want more, head over to Ficken Chingers where Angie has amateur pictures of Wee Man and Jack as she lives in Muncie, Indiana where the show was film. Somehow she didn't get any camera time herself even though I know she watched My Name Is Earl this past week and should have had plenty of suggestions on how to get on a reality cop show. But anyways. For those interested in the show, and I can’t imagine anyone outside of Muncie would, the show airs tonight at 8:00. Me, I'll be watching quality programming like Friday Night Lights and Beauty and the Geek at that hour. Oh and don’t forget Let's Rob Mick Jagger after Bush’s speech. Oh and for those that din't catch it, the title for this post is from a Weird Al song.

First Impressions: The Surreal Life Fame Games

We all have our reality guilty pleasures; some enjoy watching dudes singing karaoke while others enjoy watching rich kids talk about how hot they are. Some people somehow find enjoyment on watching people sitting around a house and do nothing 24/7. Me, my reality bane is watching has been celebrities humiliate themselves in the hopes that they may become relevant again. And no show has been better at humiliating celebrities than the six seasons of The Surreal Life that takes singers and actors from our formative years and sticks them in a house with reality stars and other people that are less famous. Now much like the show it ripped off, The Real World, The Surreal Life is bringing back some of it’s former contestants for The Surreal Life Fame Games.

As seen with the “game” played in the first episode, the show is about how much fame one has or what they will do to hang onto it. In the inaugural game, the ten Surreal Lifers had to be picked by a group of thirty random people to get a picture taken with. Who had Vanilla Ice getting the most photos? But anyways. Then the bottom three with the least amount of pictures would then have a mini game where the two losers would be banished to the “B-List” which, let’s face it, would be an upgrade for pretty much everyone in the cast. But they let the non-losers pretend they are still on the “A-List” in the lavish part of the house where the “B-List” part looked more like a low rent motel.

Ironically the biggest fame seekers, the token reality star, none of them were selected for these games. Instead the contestants were primarily made up of the token actor from the eighties and the token rocker or rapper. From season one we get Emmanuel Lewis (Webster). From the second season there is Vanilla Ice (Ice, Ice Baby), Traci Bingham (Baywatch), and Ron Jeremy (porn). After Jordon Knight (NKOTB) dropped out for personal reasons Brigitte Nielsen (Red Sonja) is the lone representative from season three. Chyna Doll (wrestler) and Verne Troyer (Mini-Me), who replaced Knight, are from season four. Pepa (Push It) is the only one who survived the infamous season five. Then C.C. DeVille (Poison) and Andrea Lowell (Playboy TV) are from the latest season.

Wait, no Flavor Flav? How can VH1 do a reality show without Flavor Flav?

Back to the game, I’m really not sure what the rules of the game are. Supposedly someone gets kicked off the show until there is only one celeb left. But all that happened was two contestants, Chyna and Mini-Me, were banished to the B-List but weren’t eliminated, or so I took from it. And instead of all the other celebrity editions game show, the person the wins gets to keep the money, and is not playing for charity which is something cheap. Couldn’t they have at least gone halfsies?

Verdict: Complete and utter trash. And I’ll be watching every week despite the disturbing Brigitte and Chyna hookup in the first episode. Go Webster! The Surreal Life Fame Games airs Sundays at 9:00 on VH1 and will most likely be repeated contantly throughout the week and will probably have twenty marathons before Groundhog’s Day.

First Impressions: I'm From Rolling Stone

After Let’s Rob Mick Jagger, my second most anticipated new show of the year was I’m From Rolling Stone. I got my very first Rolling Stone way back in 1993 with the iconic Cindy Crawford cover with her holding her boobs sparking a trend that still goes on today. Needless to say, with that as my first issue, I’m still a loyal subscriber to this day. And that is why I was so excited for the premiere of this reality show as it follows six interns with one getting a contributing editor job at the end of the summer. Yes summer, as in last summer, and there is one of the cons to this show in that it can’t be to hard to find out who won.

Although another is that after one episode, I really don’t care to do the easy research to find out who won as most of the interns are not all that interesting. The only two that stand out, and not by much are Peter Maiden, the resident drunk (hey, this is still a reality show on MTV), and the rebel without a clue Russell Moore who was so brazen when Jann Wenner called to tell him he got the internship Moore said he didn’t want it afterwards only to say he was just kidding. Of course that was better than Krishtine de Leon who butchered Wenner’s name. How do you apply for a job for the most well known music magazine in the world and not know the Founder, Publisher and Editor of the magazine? Maybe it’s me, but I make it a point note to know any potential bosses name.

Rounding out the contestants is Krystal Simpson, the bright-eyed one with the least amount of world experience. Colin Stutz is your token modern day hipster who wasn’t that memorable from the first episode. And if I were to make a preseason pick on who gets the contributor job I would put my money on Tika Milan who seems the most dedicated of the bunch. The first episode was basically just them getting the call as well as getting their first assignment which was then critiqued by Executive Editor Joel Levy.

Verdict: The first episode was a snore fest but hopefully now that the introductions are over with things will start to pick up. I’m From Rolling Stone airs Sundays at 10:00 on MTV.


In other music news, the latest crop of inductions into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame were announced today with R.E.M., Van Halen, Grandmaster Flash and the Furious Five, Patti Smith, and The Ronettes all entering the Hall on March 12. Interesting to see which, if any, former Van Halen front men will show up and/or perform. Not to mention it wasn’t too long ago when Eddie Van Halen announced that he replaced original bassist Michael Anthony with his son Wolfgang. I’m sure to have a full recap of the festivities whenever it airs on VH1.

Don't Download These Videos vol. VIII

There have been a couple of videos that have caught my eye lately so I though I’d give them some love since the death of Musical Television left a void for a forum on the art form so here they are courtesy of YouTube (but no (Expletive Deleted) in a Box; when it first aired on SNL it was funny, when you’re the 1000th blog to feature it, not so much). I advise you to watch them before you read my reviews if you don’t want me to spoil things. If you are interested in buying the video through iTunes, click the title link (where available, if not the link goes to YouTube where you can watch the video in full screen). If you are interested in buying the song, look for a link in the analysis.


Windows in the Skies - U2



Okay, I’m a big history guy so whenever you get a video like this I’m watching it over and over again. It hard to quibble with the selections (okay, maybe a little: no Springsteen, Prince, or Beastie Boys). This video just missed the cut off for The Best Videos of 2006 list but it’s already the video to beat for 2007’s list. Now this is where I link the video in iTunes but there is only one problem, you can’t buy the song. Yeah you can get it if you buy the U218 Singles greatest hit package, but the problem is, I already own all the other songs on the album. And record companies wonder why people still resort to staling songs.


How to Save a Life (Mark Pellington Version) - The Fray



Surely everyone has seen what boils down to as a commercial for the cheesy nighttime General Hospital show, but this version is a much better fit for the song (rumor has it the lead singer of The Fray wrote this song after having a talk with a depressed kid who then went home committed suicide one day) and so transplanting hacks with actually people is a vast upgrade.


Memories - Eisley



This video seemed to escape me when it was originally released a couple months ago even though Eisley is one of my favorite bands in recent years with their album Room Noises, which happens to be the first album I ever reviewed on this site (see: You Humor Me Today) and landed at number four on my Best Albums of 2005 list. Some cool effect throughout the video. The band is currently working on a follow up that should be out this year so look out for that and surely it will be reviewed here whenever it is released.


Just a quick story, when I listen to iTunes I usually have it on shuffle which occasionally pops up some great songs that I haven’t heard in a while. Yesterday it shuffled on Santana featuring Musiq with Nothing at All and I forgot how much I loved the song. In fact if I were to ever try out for some lame karaoke show, this would be my audition song. Well either that or When Doves Cry because you haven’t lived until you have heard my drunken rendition of When Doves Cry.

One last thing I forgot to mention during my TV post was that Showtime send me some promo stuff for The L Word which fourth season starts tonight. Unfortunately they didn't let me check out the first episode like they did for Dexter but they did point me in the way of this not all that safe for work video: The Most Awesome Make-Out Montage and it definately lives up to its title. And if you order Showtime now and you can get an exclusive designer top from The L Word collection (retail value $179). Keep in mind this is more of an offer for chicks, but check out that offer here.

57 Channels and Only This Is On

Starting a new weekly segment today where every week (no set date, just sometime during the weekend, maybe Monday at the latest) I discuss my favorite things that happened on television the past week. In honor of this new segment I have a new contest:

Win a Knights of Prosperity T-Shirt
Now this isn’t one of those Café Press shirts I’ve made myself, this is an official shirt like the ones worn by the cast straight from ABC (see at right, click picture to enlarge and sorry guys, Sofia Vergara not included). ABC is even throwing in cookies as part as the prize package. Here’s how to win: I’m not really sold on the title for this post to be called 57 Channels and Only This Is On so what I need from you is to send me a better name for this segment (ScooterKSU@aol.com; Subject: I Want to Rob Mick Jagger). Now for those that want the shirt but don’t think they can come up with a better title, all you have to do is tell me what pop culture reference 57 Channels and Only This Is On is referencing (be specific, I'm looking for two key phrases) then out of all the entries I will randomly pick one person to win the prize packet from everyone who sends an e-mail. Also anyone who plugs this contest on their blog will get a bonus entry into the contest (but you must e-mail me to let me know you have done so to get an entry). This contest will run until January 17 and the winner will be e-mailed shortly after.

* Fine Print: This contest is open only to those in the US and Canada. Also the only shirt size available is Large. Want more chances to win Knights of Prosperity swag? Swing over to >Ducky’s brand new website to win the contest he's running as well as the TV Addict who is also running one. And don’t forget to watch Knights of Prosperity Wednesdays at 9:00 or you can always stream the latest episode for free at ABC.com.


Now for my favorite moments on television for the past week:

Best Quote of the Week (Friday Night Lights, Coach Taylor’s wife to the failing Tim Riggins): “It’s my job to make sure you don’t grow up stupid; it’s bad for the world.” (Every teacher across the country should hang this quote up somewhere in their classroom.)

Friday Night Lights: Finally they gave my boy Landry an actual storyline this week with trying to tutor Riggins and by tutoring I mean reading Of Mice and Men to him everywhere including the weight room. And will I go to hell because I laughed that Landry wanted to call his band Stigmatlingous? In other news I never thought wheelchair sex could be so hot.

My Name Is Earl: Quite possible the funniest half hour on television since the My Name Is Earl pilot. As funny as it is to see Earl cross things off his list, seeing what he does to get such things on his list may be funnier. For this episode I’ll start at the end because there has been nothing funnier on TV this season that Randy getting shot out of the tree with a tranquillizer gun. Someone needs to send a clip of that to Tony Kornheiser quick.

Other great scenes from the episode are too many to name, but it was great to see former guests including the one-legged woman, Earl’s ex who thought he was dead, the gay dude (anyone else notice he was circling around the block with the naked dude with the snake scene), the cop who’s badge Earl stole, the voice box dude and we even learned how the mailman lost his eye. The only person missing was Ralph (Giovanni Ribisi); you know Ralph wouldn’t miss a chance to be on Cops. We were even introduced to some other Camden County locals including local celebrity Timothy Stack (who just so happened to write the episode) and Mimi from The Drew Carey Show. I can’t wait to see how Earl crosses her off his list for stealing her cop car.

If you missed the episode or just want to see it again, NBC.com has started streaming episodes of the show, so head over there to see it.

In Case of Emergency: It’s not a good sign when The Class is the funniest new impromptu reunion show of the season. In fact I haven’t laughed this little since Four Kings (the one lone laugh “Is there any chance your fiancée is a chick?”).

Also check out my First Impressions of Let's Rob Mick Jagger and Beauty and the Geek 3.

This most likely won’t be a weekly segment in these posts, but the best promo of the season goes to this Supernatural one that aired multiple times during the Beauty and the Geek premiere. It may come to a shock to some of you but I’m a huge Johnny Cash fan and this is just a great use of God’s Gonna Cut You Down (they need to get whoever made this promo to do one like this for Veronica Mars):

Next Week’s Pick of the Week (Yeah I need a better name for this too): Awesome, I Shot That (Saturday 9:00 VH1): The Beastie Boys gave out a bunch of camcorders to fans to film a concert. Surprisingly they got back all the camcorders which make up this concert film. You can also buy the unedited version of the concert on DVD.

First Impressions: Knights of Prosperity

Rarely does anything live up to the hype, most recently we saw this with the dismal performance of internet failure Snakes on a Plane. And after making fans wait for over fifteen years, there is no way Chinese Democracy can possibly live up to the hype even if it turns out to be the best Guns N Roses album. But finally after eight months of waiting to see it, Let’s Rob Mick Jagger (also known as Knights of Prosperity) more than lived up to my expectation. And what a pedigree the show has most importantly that it’s from the guys who brought us the second best show this decade, Ed which means it’s being produced by Worldwide Pants, David Letterman’s production company. (All pictures courtesy of ABC)

Then on the other side of the camera you have Donal Logue, one of the funniest men comedic actors around but recently has been stuck in roles that don’t fully represent his talents, but his janitorial turned crime boss Eugene is right up his alley. No annoying kids or improbably hot wife here. And his crew is all top notch too including standout Rockefeller Butts because, well, his name is Rockefeller Butts. His Barry White like delivery makes all his lines automatically funny. The other stand out in the cast, for an entirely different reason, is the gun toting token hot chick who quickly goes to the top of the hottest token hot chick on television today. I don’t really care that her accent is so thick that I can’t understand haft the things she says. Any bets on which other Knight will get lucky with her first (my money’s on the intern)?

Other Knights include Eugene’s toilet cleaning buddy Squatch who apparently isn’t too fond of foreigners (token hot chick excluded) which leads us to the Indian taxi cab driver Gourishanker who is more than happy to throw insults back to Squatch. But it’s Gourishanker who recruits the naive intern who thinks the crew is working on the Jimmy Fallon starring Taxi 2: Step on It. Now I don’t really like doing lists except for award shows but there were a lot of great moments from the first episode I just had to share them:


- “Wisdom? Who do you think I am, Morgan Freeman?”

- The generous of the Incredible Bongo Band’s Apache throughout the episode

- Eugene’s grand entrance

- Everyone’s reaction to Eugene’s “Let’s rob Mick Jagger” proposition

- “I don’t get it, why Mick Jagger? Why not some other celebrity like Alex Trebeck, Willem Defoe, James Wonder Beek, or Jeff Conoway?” “Who?” “Kenicki”

- “Whoa, whoa, Gory-what did-you-just-call-him? Yeah I’m just gonna call you Gary”

- “Issue one, that name sucks.” And there own ideas for their name

- Being criminals with bright orange shirts (win one here)

- Donating to charities like Feline Aides.

- The intern listening to Meredith Brooks lone hit

- “Then why didn’t you think of it Pocahontas” and basically every racial slur Gary and Squatch hurl at each other

- Mick’s indoor penalty kicks

- Squatch’s photo hat.

- Gary’s favorite part of a woman

- Bridges of Madison Country: Wasn’t that a movie?

- The token hot chick’s back story in Colombia

- The guys’ response to the token hot chick’s asking to join the gang: “Mi Casa Su Casa Baby”

- Instead of changing out his janitorial clothes, Eugene puts duct tape over his name

- The token hot chick packing heat. A lot of heat. “What are you, criminals or children?”

- “If either of you come near my Maria again I will humpty dumpy you punks”

- The reveal of Mick’s security while the musak version of Start Me Up plays


course it looks like Mick won’t be the other target as there will be plenty of guests for the Knights to rob including Bob Saget Ray Romano, Sally Jessie Raphael and… Screech? And of course with Letterman involved that means Regis Philbin, along with Kelly Ripa, may be targets. Hopefully Letterman himself or sidekick Paul Shaffer (who wrote the theme song) will eventually become targets. But if the original target Mick Jagger doesn’t get nominated for Best Guest Star in a Comedy Series at next year’s Emmys that will be the biggest sham ever.

Verdict: Now this is must see TV. It may not be as funny as My Name Is Earl but it’s by far the funniest new show this season. Surely it will take a while for them to rob Mick Jagger because even though they were smart enough to steal the key they weren’t smart enough to steal the key to the storage locker. Knights of Prosperity airs Wednesdays at 9:00 on ABC but you can watch an encore of the first episode tonight at 9:00 or you can watch the most recent episodes at ABC.com.