Scooter McGavin's 9th Green

Saturday, February 26, 2005

Things Tham Make You Go MMM

I was at Burger Kong today going through the drive-thru window and I actually heard the person working the window say to a car behind me, "No cheese will cost extra." How can wanting less cost more? How does this even make sense?

I was going to make an Oscar prediction blog but came to the realization that I have not seen one picture that was nominated. Seriously, how could Dodge Ball not get a nod? I will be watching, a least some just to see what Chris Rock says. It should be good. Even the Video Music Awards haven’t been good since he last hosted.

Friday, February 25, 2005

I'm Sooooooooooooooooooooo Moving On

I spent a lot of time in my last blog blasting some recent music that has really bugged me. But not all music I find corny music I find absolutely horrible. Case in point is the latest song by Kelly Clarkson, Since U Been Gone. Yes I know Kelly Clarkson is a glorified karaoke contest winner. I know this song totally rips off the Yeah Yeah Yeah's Maps. I know this song doesn't come close to the best "I Hate You" tune, Song for the Dumped. I know most of her music is unbearable. But there is something about the song that makes it so corny that it becomes enjoyable. I have pinpointed that exact place to where she sings, "I'm sooooooooooooooooooooooooo moving on." It's soooooooooooooooooo bad that it become a great karaoke song in it own right, up their with ...Baby One More Time or a fat guy in a baritone voice singing I Feel Pretty (that one kills me every time). Sooooooooooooooooo for everyone who is ashamed to have Since U Been Gone on your iPod, I now make it sociably acceptable. Unfortunately I can't help you out with your Céline Dion fixation. Sorry.

Tuesday, February 22, 2005

If You Know What I Mean

I have this friend who is a master at the single entendre. And of course he always finishes with the obligatory "If you know what I mean." And, sadly, I always do. Now this phrase has seeped into one of the worst pop song in recent memory, Destiny's Child's Soldier. Now I was totally on the Destiny's Child bandwagon circa the Survivor era. During my Best Songs of 2001 countdown DC charted 3 times (Bootylicious - #6; Survivor - #8; Emotions - #43) and Beyoncé has made my countdown in recent years by herself. But Soldier is just bad on so many levels. First of which is the previously mentioned, "... if you know what I mean." And in the song it preceded by, "Known to carry big things..." As much as I don't want to, sadly I know what they mean. But there are things they talk about that I don't know what they mean. Like, "He knows how to split the money three ways." What do they mean by that? Does that mean the three girls get the money while the guy gets none? It makes no logical sense.

Then there are the rappers. First up you have T.I. whom for some reason thinks he is hard. I have no respect for a rapper who claims he's hard but when it comes down to it I could beat him in a fight. The guy even wears his hats like Antoine Merriwether of "Men on Film" fame. Then there is Lil' Wayne, who already violates one of my rules for rapper stating that all rappers with Lil' in their names suck massively (i.e. Lil' Bow Wow, Lil' Kim, Lil' Romeo and so on). Then to make thing worse, the Lil' one raps "Cash Money is an army. I'm walking with purple hearts on me." Um, does he not realize that there is real war going on right now where real soldier are earning purple hearts, not just rapping about it in a corny pop song? I doubt Lil' Wayne or the Antoine Merriwether wannabe could last one day as a real soldier.

There is another song that as might as well have a "if you know what I mean" in it, 50 Cent's Candy Shop. The line in question is, "I'll let you lick the lollipop." Or, "I'll melt in your mouth not in your hand." How sophomoric. Is this the same guy how wrote the eternally clever How to Rob? Of course that was back in the "Bashing Ja Rule" days. Unfortunately 50 has slowly become Ja Rule. Have a female R&B artist sing your hooks - check. Tell the female singer to "keep it between me and you" - check. Run with a talent less crew - check. Appeal to fourteen year old white girls - check. It's about time to have an intervention for 50 before he does a video based on a musical ala Mesmerized or worse a duet with Jennifer Lopez.

Sunday, February 20, 2005

NyQuil, We Love You, You Giant coughing Q

It seems I've recently been bitten by the flu bug. But don't cry for me Argentina, the flu means I can partake in the greatest part of the flu season, NyQuil. There is nothing better than what a wise man once called the "Green Death Flavor." Then the marketing geniuses at Vick came up with the greatest marketing ploy of all time, package NyQuil with its own shot glass. How did this trend not seep into the liquor aisle? Although Vicks couldn't let a good thing alone and thus we also now have DayQuil. And this is where the problem lies. I wake up in the morning and take DayQuil. Then when it's time to go to bed, break out the shot glass and down some NyQuil. It's like I turned into Elvis. And we all know how the movie ended. There can't possibly be a worse way to die.

Talking about drugs, anyone think it's a coincidence that a couple weeks after implicating President Bush saying he knew about the rampant steroid use when he owned the Rangers and now it turns out Jose Canseco owns money in back taxes? Something to ponder.

Tuesday, February 15, 2005

Good Riddance

In a recent post I mention that there three actions I took when I first started Madden 2005. One was to dump Butch Davis for Romeo Crennel. Today the Browns took another page out of my playbook by dropping Jeff Garcia. (Now if only the real Lee Suggs wasn't injury proned as cyber Suggs, the Browns could drop William Green too.) Hopefully the Brown's learn from Garcia's mistake and not pick up other old stiff for like Drew Bledsoe, Brad Johnson, Rich Gannon, or Kurt Warner for big money. I say suffer through another season with the combination of Kelly Holcomb and Luke McCown, use the draft picks on an Offensive Line, and then try to find a quality QB. And for anyone who feels like questioning any of Crennel's moves, take note of this picture:

Monday, February 14, 2005

Genius Loves Company (and Trophies)

Grammy Awards were this past weekend. I went 14 for 25 in my predictions. Ouch, that's about as good as Bush's approval rating. Well maybe not that bad. Here are some of my random thoughts on the festivities:

8:00 - Surprise, surprise, the Black Eyed Peas start things off with "Let's ~~Retarded~~ Get It Started." Where have I heard that song before? Mmm.

8:02 - Gwen Stefani and Eve take the stage. Guided Track Alert! Everyone rips on Ashlee Simpson for her guided track on SNL but you never hear about the others who do the same thing. Granted everyone else don't have drummers who are not smart enough to press the right button. But there is a good thing that has come out of the "Fiddler on the Roof" ripoff, the hot dancer in the iTunes commercial. Can we get that girl a starring role in something?

8:05 - Nice to see the Los Lonely Boys are out of jail. But was anyone surprised that one of them got caught with weed. It really wasn’t a question of if but when.

8:08 - It's interesting that some cable channels censer when Maroon 5 says, "coming" while network TV doesn't. If you hear the song and think of something dirty you, and the people who think SpongBob Squarepants, are the ones with the dirty mind. But with that said, I did call the FCC just to see if the would do anything. I wonder if I get a finders fee. If they are going to start fining stations $500,000 then the whistle blowers should get a cut.

8:09 - Black Eyed Peas "Get ~~Retarded~~ It Started" again. Yeah.

8:10 - The best band ever named after some one who started a World War, Franz Ferdinand take the stage. Cue "I Love the 80's" theme music.

8:11 - Cool ending with the mixing of all the songs that were previously play although Miss Guided Vocals was not surprisingly missing from the others who were playing live. Mash-up artist - your move. This performance begs the question, "Why don't they offer these once in a lifetime song on a CD or for download?" Who doesn’t want to hear that opening again? Well, minus the Stefani part.

8:12 - Ellen gets a first row seat. Who does the seating arraignments?

8:14 - Queen Latifah makes an appearance. Worst. Host. Ever. Unless you count the Wayans Brothers.

8:19 - If there is one rule that always holds up throughout Grammy history is if you just performed, you will win the next award if you were nominated. But the Grammy’s put a wrench into this rule when three bands in the opening medley were up for the first award. One of them won anyways but so I don't know if this counts or not.

8:24 - Survivor starts this week. Most. Surprising twist. Ever. Or so I'm told. It always seems the Survivor "twist" tend not to be too exciting.

8:25 - The first of 572 Lifetime Achievement Awards is passed out. If they pass that many out a year, Limp Bizkit could win one by 2054.

8:26 - Alicia Keys performs with an orchestra securing her in the Best Grammy Performance Hall of Fame. Then Jamie Fox comes out and he and Keys do their best Elton John/Billy Joel impersonations. Did anyone else notice the weird thing on the back of Foxx's head? Was it a tattoo? Did he shave something in the back? I need the answer to this or it will keep me up at night.

8:30 - Barely a half an hour in and we've already had a third Ellen in the crowd shot. Seriously, is there a reason for this, are the producers purposely trying to mess with my head?

8:33 - It looks like Nelly has raided André 3000's closet.

8:35 - In a ceremony held earlier today, Grammy’s went out to... Bill Clinton? Sadly he isn't even the first Clinton to win a Grammy, Hilary beat him to it. I really need to start recording audiobooks so I can get my own Grammy.

8:41 - Bono can make anything sound cool. He's become the white James Earl James.

8:46 - First token "crazy coupling" of the evening with Mark McGrath (does he still have a band?), Penelope Cruz (quick, name one of her movies not entitled "Blow") and Pharrell (what would a Pharrell sighting be without the obligatory Startrac plug?).

8:57 - It's time for the heavily plugged Jennifer Lopez/Marc Anthony duet. That could only mean I thing - bathroom break. Too bad I didn't have to go longer because I caught the tail end and I'm beginning to understand the whole guided vocal track idea because Lopez cannot carry a tune.

9:02 - Now it's the Southern Rock tribute with today country stars. Um, I just used my bathroom break. Well, let's see what going on at "Desperate Housewives." Ooo, Frumpy Spice's husband forgot Valentine's Day.

9:17 - Now Queen Latifah is going to sing. They must have put all the horrible music at 9:00 knowing people were going to switch to "Desperate Housewives." Speaking of which, let's see what's going on. Sweet, token hot chick is in lingerie. Than you Queen for sucking so much.

9:21 - Looks like Hoobastack is picking up the Worst. Band name. Ever. Award. Wait; no they are presenting Best New Artist with Tyra Banks whom seems to be a good foot taller than all the band members. Kanye West seemed a little too upset for losing the Most. Cursed award. Ever. I'm sure if he really wants a Best New Artist Grammy, he could buy Milli Vanilli's on E-Bay.

9:30 - Out to introduce Green Day is Quentin "I've spent too much time hanging out with the Wu-Tang Clan" Tarantino in his new ghetto apparel.

9:34 - Holy Ricky Martin sighting! I haven't seen him in a while. Remember it was not too long ago when he owned the Grammy’s.

9:40 - Kanye West performs with a Staple Sister, John Legend, the Blind Boys of Alabama and his mom. I must stress again they really need to put these performances on iTunes or something.

9:51 - On cue, Kanye wins the Grammy after performing. Extra points for the Al Bundy reference.

10:00 - Janis Joplin tribute featuring Joss Stone and... a bald Melissa Etheridge. Wow, wasn't expecting that.

10:12 - Tim McGraw takes the stage. Mmm, "Desperate Housewives" is over. Let's see what's happening on "Celebrity Fit Club." Judge Mablean lost six pounds this week. Get back to the Grammy’s just in time to see McGraw's one person standing obviation. I guess it wasn't quite Kanye West's performance where everyone in the house stood up. Oh, and the one person standing, his wife.

10:27 - John Mayer continues his "I want to be Jimi Hendrix" phase with a power trio version of "Daughters."

10:36 - In a ceremony held earlier today, U2 picked up Best Rock Song, a songwriters award, for “Vertigo." A great song, but a songwriting award shouldn't go to a song that starts out with "one, two, three, fourteen" in Spanish.

10:38 - In the first blatant CBS plug on the show, Anthony LaPaglia introduces a bunch of Gammy nominees singing the Beatles "Across the Universe" led by Bono. Finally a song I can download on iTunes. Now where is Kanye West, U2 or Alicia Keys' performances?

10:46 - Now when Stevie Wonder took off his glasses to "read" the winner was funny when he did it years ago, but now it's time for new material. I feel now people are just giving him a courtesy laugh.

10:54 - Usher continues his "I want to be Michael Jackson" phase. (Insert "keep young boys away from Usher" jokes here.)

10:59 - Nothing better when the orchestra tries to cut some one's acceptance speech and they keep talking. How can you cut off some one speaking for a dead guy anyways?

11:10 - Cheesy Old Guy Alert! Why is the Grammy’s always headed by a guy whose only band they've been in was the marching band in high school. Of course Cheesy Old Guy brings up illegal downloading. When will these people realize that the music business is slumping because the music they put out sucks not because of downloading?

11:14 - Nice to see the Grammy’s remembered Ol' Dirty Bastard (aka Big Baby Jesus, aka Osirus, aka Dirt McGirt, aka Joe Bannanas, aka Dirt Dog, aka Unique Ason) during those have passed tribute considering he was the reason for the most entertaining moment in Grammy’s history when he bum rushed Shawn Colvin's acceptance speech shouting "Wu-Tang's for the children."

11:24 - To present Album of the Year are Grammy Award winner Bonnie Raitt and... Gary Sinise. Um, yeah, that makes sense. To nobody's surprise, Ray Charles wins proving there is no better way to sell records than to die.

11:28 - And we are done so it's time to pass out my awards:

Best Performance - Kanye West et al.

Best Acceptance Speech - Kanye West

Best Dressed (Female) - Alicia Keys

Best Dressed (Male) - Anthony Hamilton

Worst Dressed - Sheryl Crow

Saturday, February 12, 2005

We On Award Tour

Grammy Awards are tomorrow so here are my predictions and more importantly who should win:

Album of the Year
Ray Charles & Various Artists - Genius Loves Company
Green Day - American Idiot
Alicia Keys - The Diary Of Alicia Keys
Usher - Confessions
Kanye West - The College Dropout

Who will win: Genius Loves Company
Who should win: The College Dropout
Should have been nominated: Heavier Thing

Record Of The Year
Let's Get It Started - The Black Eyed Peas
Here We Go Again - Ray Charles & Norah Jones
American Idiot - Green Day
Heaven - Los Lonely Boys
Yeah!! - Usher Featuring Lil Jon & Ludacris

Who will win: "Yeah!"
Who should win: "Yeah!"
Should have been nominated: "All Falls Down"

Song of the Year
John Mayer - "Daughters”
Alicia Keys - "If I Ain't Got You”
Kanye West - "Jesus Walks
Tim McGraw - "Live Like You Were Dying”
Hoobastank - "The Reason”

Who will win: "If I Ain't Got You"
Who should win: "Jesus Walks"
Should have been nominated: "American Idiot"

Best New Artist
Los Lonely Boys
Maroon 5 Joss Stone
Kanye West
Gretchen Wilson

Who will win: Kanye West
Who should win: Kanye West
Should have been nominated: Jet

Best Female Pop Vocal Performance
Björk - "Oceania"
Sheryl Crow - "The First Cut Is The Deepest"
Norah Jones - "Sunrise"
Gwen Stefani - "What You Waiting For?"
Joss Stone - "You Had Me"

Who will win: "The First Cut Is The Deepest"
Who should win: "You Had Me"
Should have been nominated: "If I Ain't Got You"

Best Male Pop Vocal Performance
Elvis Costello - "Let's Misbehave"
Josh Groban - "You Raise Me Up"
John Mayer - "Daughters"
Prince - "Cinnamon Girl"
Seal - "Love's Divine"

Who will win: "Daughters"
Who should win: "Daughters"
Should have been nominated: "Clarity"

Best Pop Performance by a Duo or Group With Vocal
Evanescence - "My Immortal"
Hoobastank - "The Reason"
Los Lonely Boys - "Heaven"
Maroon 5 - "She Will Be Loved"
No Doubt - "It's My Life"

Who will win: "My Immortal"
Who should win: "She Will Be Loved"
Should have been nominated: "Sunday Morning"

Best Pop Collaboration With Vocals
Johnny Cash & Joe Strummer - "Redemption Song"
Ray Charles & Elton John - "Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word"
Ray Charles & Norah Jones - "Here We Go Again"
Paul McCartney & Eric Clapton - "Something"
Stevie Wonder & Take 6 - "Moon River"

Who will win: "Here We Go Again"
Who should win: "Redemption Song"
Should have been nominated: "Diary"

Best Pop Vocal Album
Ray Charles & Various Artists - Genius Loves Company
Norah Jones - Feels Like Home
Sarah McLachlan - Afterglow
Joss Stone - Mind, Body & Soul
Brian Wilson - Brian Wilson Presents Smile

Who will win: Genius Loves Company
Who should win: Genius Loves Company

Best Solo Rock Vocal Performance
Ryan Adams - "Wonderwall"
Steve Earle - "The Revolution Starts Now"
Melissa Ethridge - "Breathe"
Bruce Springsteen - "Code Of Silence"
Tom Waits - "Metropolitan Glide"

Who will win: "Code Of Silence"
Who should win: "Wonderwall"
Should have been nominated: "If I Had Possession Over Judgment Day"

Best Rock Performance by a Duo or Group With Vocal
Elvis Costello & The Imposters - "Monkey To Man"
Franz Ferdinand - "Take Me Out"
Green Day - "American Idiot"
The Killers - "Somebody Told Me"
U2 - "Vertigo"

Who will win: "Vertigo"
Who should win: "Vertigo"
Should have been nominated: "Are You Gonna Be My Girl"

Best Hard Rock Performance
Incubus - "Megalomaniac"
Metallica - "Some Kind Of Monster"
Nickelback - "Feelin' Way Too Damn Good"
Slipknot - "Duality"
Velvet Revolver - "Slither"

Who will win: "Some Kind Of Monster"
Who should win: "Megalomaniac"
Should have been nominated: "Pain"

Best Rock Song
Green Day - "American Idiot"
Velvet Revolver - "Fall To Pieces"
Modest Mouse - "Float On"
The Killers - "Somebody Told Me"
U2 - "Vertigo"

Who will win: "American Idiot"
Who should win: "American Idiot"
Should have been nominated: "Pain"

Best Female R&B Vocal Performance
Janet Jackson - "I Want You"
Alicia Keys - "If I Ain't Got You"
Teena Marie - "I'm Still In Love"
Jill Scott - "Whatever"
Angie Stone - "U-Haul"

Who will win: "If I Ain't Got You"
Who should win: "If I Ain't Got You"
Should have been nominated: "Me, Myself and I"

Best Male R&B Vocal Performance
Anthony Hamilton - "Charlene"
R. Kelly - "Happy People"
Brian McKnight - "What We Do Here"
Prince - "Call My Name"
Usher - "Burn"

Who will win: "Burn"
Who should win: "Call My Name"
Should have been nominated: "Musicology"

Best R&B Performance by a Duo or Group With Vocals
Destiny's Child - "Lose Your Breath"
Earth, Wind & Fire Featuring Raphael Saadiq - "Show Me The Way"
Floetry - "Say Yes"
Alicia Keys Featuring Tony! Toni! Toné! - "Diary"
Usher & Alicia Keys - "My Boo"

Who will win: "My Boo"
Who should win: "Diary"
Should have been nominated: "Maybe"

Best Urban/Alternative Performance
Mos Def - "Sex, Love & Money"
Musiq - "Are You Experienced?"
N.E.R.D. - "She Wants To Move"
The Roots - "Star"
Jill Scott - "Cross My Mind"

Who will win: "Cross My Mind"
Who should win: "Star"
Should have been nominated: "Don't Say Nuthin'"

Best R&B Song
Usher - "Burn”
Prince - "Call My Name” Prince
Usher & Alicia Keys - "My Boo"
Usher Featuring Lil Jon & Ludacris - "Yeah!"
Alicia Keys - "You Don't Know My Name”

Who will win: "Call My Name"
Who should win: "You Don't Know My Name"
Should have been nominated: "Diary"

Best R&B Album
Anita Baker - My Everything
Al Green - I Can't Stop
Alicia Keys - The Diary Of Alicia Keys
Prince - Musicology
Jill Scott - Beautifully Human: Words & Sounds Vol. 2

Who will win: The Diary Of Alicia Keys
Who should win: The Diary Of Alicia Keys

Best Rap Solo Performance
Lloyd Banks - "On Fire"
Eminem - "Just Lose It"
Jay-Z - "99 Problems"
Twista - "Overnight Celebrity"
Kanye West - "Through The Wire"

Who will win: "Just Lose It"
Who should win: "99 Problems"
Should have been nominated: "Jesus Walks"

Best Rap Performance by a Duo or Group
Beastie Boys - "Ch-Check It Out"
The Black Eyed - "Let's Get It Started"
The Roots - "Don't Say Nuthin'"
Snoop Dogg & Pharrell - "Drop It Like It's Hot"
Terror Squad - "Lean Back"

Who will win: "Let's Get It Started"
Who should win: "Drop It Like It's Hot"
Should have been nominated: "Got It Twisted"

Best Rap/Sung Collaboration
Jadakiss Featuring Anthony Hamilton - "Why"
Christina Milian Featuring Fabolous - "Dip It Low"
Twista Featuring Kanye West & Jamie Foxx - "Slow Jamz"
Usher Featuring Lil Jon & Ludacris - "Yeah!"
Kanye West & Syleena Johnson - "All Falls Down"

Who will win: "Yeah!"
Who should win: "All Falls Down"
Should have been nominated: "Bridging the Gap"

Best Rap Song
Snoop Dogg & Pharrell - "Drop It Like It's Hot"
The Black Eyed Peas - "Hey Mama"
Kanye West - "Jesus Walks"
The Black Eyed Peas - "Let's Get It Started"
Jay-Z - "99 Problems"

Who will win: "Jesus Walks"
Who should win: "Jesus Walks"
Should have been nominated: "Through the Wire"

Best Rap Album
Beastie Boys - To The 5 Boroughs
Jay-Z - The Black Album
LL Cool J - The Definition
Nelly - Suit
Kanye West - The College Dropout

Who will win: The College Dropout
Who should win: The College Dropout
Should have been nominated: The Tipping Point

Best Short Form Music Video
Franz Ferdinand - "Take Me Out"
Green Day - "American Idiot"
George Michael - "Flawless"
Stereogram - "Walkie Talkie Man"
U2 - "Vertigo"

Who will win: "American Idiot"
Who should win: "Vertigo"
Should have been nominated: "All Falls Down"

Thursday, February 10, 2005

Deja Vu All Over Again

Back at the beginning of the current T.V., I was drawn into the new show, Lost. It had the making of a great show, good writing, comic relief, one of the hottest token hot chicks in T.V. history, and some shocking plot twists (Locke was in a wheelchair? Wow). But lately the plot twist have been predictable (Boone hooks up with his "sister") or just lame (Walk can summon animals). But yesterday, Lost used one of the worst plot devises of all time amnesia. Doing a little research, jump the shark had 58 different shows that had the amnesia episode/story arc including such time-honored shows as Golden Girls, Alien Nation, Knight Rider and the kings of T.V. clichés Beverly Hills 90210, Melrose Place and Star Trek not mention every single daytime soap opera. The worst aspect of the amnesia trend is the inevitable magical return of the memory. I think Vegas set the line at the end of the season. I'm currently leaning towards the over because I don't think she will make it to next season.

The truly bad omen of Lost's future is amnesia was the second of the three worst plot devises in T.V. The first was the "it was all a dream" episode. You find 63 show on jump the shark, many whom would also find under amnesia. (Twin Peaks and Dynasty being clichéd? No, not them.) Also if you were counting, that episode brought up the "they aren't really dead) up to two.

Lost might as well go for the trifecta as shown in next week's preview, "Coming soon to Lost. Charlie bets Hurley he turn anyone Hurley chooses into 'Miss Deserted Island.' Watch as Hurley pass up the only girl on the island fatter than he is only to select a girl with frizzy hair and glasses, who is, in her own way, extremely cute. But after the token hot chick gives homely girl a makeover, thus making here a token hot girl herself, former homely girls finds out about Charlie and Hurley's bet and dumps Charlie. But in the end Charlie learns a lesson in love." The only think worse than this type of T.V. episode is when some one gets the horrible idea, to make the storyline 4 times longer and make it into a movie. I'm currently in court trying to get the hour and a half of my life back from the producers of "She's All That."

But I still have faith that Lost can salvage the rest of the season. That metal door must have something really cool. Maybe next week will be when they get it back. I want to call it right now that Sawyer killed or had a part in Jack's dad's death. But whatever happens next week, please, no betting.

Tuesday, February 08, 2005

Harder Now That it's Over

After all the ranting yesterday, I forgot the worst aspect of the Super Bowl - no football for six months. Not to mention with no hockey and Artest's suspension ruining my fantasy basketball team (thanks John Green) there is no sports worth following until the March Madness brackets come out in about 6 weeks. So I guess the only thing to watch until then is the "new" MTV2. Although the "new" MTV2 seem a lot like the old MTV2 but with 50% less videos and more shows that have already been shown on MTV 100 times. Oh wait; there is a new two-headed dog logo too. Great programming choice guys. But then maybe I can catch the funniest TV promo in recent memory where Ashlee Simpson tells her mom, "I don't care about the business side; I only care about the music."

Monday, February 07, 2005

Worst. Super Bowl. Ever.

From the start pre-show until the end of American Dad and everything in-between, this was the worst super bowl that I can remember. Thanks Janet. Here's a running tally of everything that happened yesterday.

Pre-Show

Seeing Charlie Daniels dancing with the Black Eyed Peas was possibly the most disturbing thing I've ever seen. Nonetheless, Black Eyed Peas have performed at every event in the last 2 years. Super Bowl, Awards Show, Democratic National Convention. (There a many reasons why Kerry lost the election, but I would put having a group perform ~~"Lets Get Retarded"~~ "Lets Get it Started" has to be near the top.)

Alicia Keys was one of the few bright spots all day. Then again, it seems she can't do any wrong. Well barring hanging out with Usher. It was too bad Ray Charles couldn't be them himself because he always did do a great version on "America the Beautiful." I would highly recommend "Ray Charles Sings for America" if you don't have it already.

OK back to the bad stuff. Did anyone else notice that the coin "flip" didn't actually flip at all? I don't know if that kid didn't know how to flip a coin or if was trying to rig the outcome. It's time to bring back the legends to do the flipping.

The Game

I'm not going to restate the reasons why I don't think Belachick is not a genius, but I'd like to add that he went to the wrong bench to start the game. How does anyone lose to this guy? I'd resign in shame if I were Andy Reid. The real test of Belachick's "wisdom" will be next year when both coordinators are gone. By the way, Romeo Crennel meet Jeff Garcia. Have fun next year.

Did anyone find the irony in T.O. being guarded by some one named Randle Gay? But you have to give it up to T.O. for putting up triple digit yards, even if most of his catches were short out patterns. Although for a guy who once said if you don't want to see me celebrate, keep me out of the end zone, he did seem to break out the eagle flap about 30 yards away from said end zone. Which then led to Mike Vrabel to mocking him. Twice. This seems to be a start of a trend. If you remember 3 weeks ago, FredEx (the only time you will see his name) did the reverse moon twice. Doesn't this count as excessive celebration? But back to T.O., can you imagine what would happen if T.O. was 100%. Well, most likely, McNabb would have underthown him. Worst. Super Bowl performance. Ever. Three interceptions, not to mention one that was called back due to a penalty away from the play, and a fumble that was called back due to instant replay. Ouch. And as bad as McNabb was, the Eagles only lost by three.

Halftime

Paul McCartney is your anti-Janet this year perform good wholesome Beatles songs about illegal drugs. When I first saw McCartney going to the piano, I thought, "Oh, no, it's the obligatory ten minute version of Hey Jude," but was instead saved but "Live and Let Die" (which I believe he stole from Guns 'n' Roses). Another great message. Then it finally came, the obligatory ten minute version of "Hey Jude." I remember seeing McCartney doing this song on SNL once I swear at one point during the NaNaNa's he went, "OK 5 more times." Um, yeah, bathroom break time. At least this year's Super Bowl alleviated the major problems that have been plaguing most halftime shows, having someone perform than no one in the stand would enjoy. Sports fans tend to be middle aged white guys, so a former Beatle was a good choice. Do you think anyone who was at or watched the Orange Bowl listens to Ashlee Simpson? The problem with most halftime shows is they try to bring in a TV audience that would not normally watch the game itself. And that, in turn, is why most of them get booed. That and Ashlee Simpson is tone def. On another musically not "Sunday, Bloody Sunday" was not the best choice for a theme song. Although it wasn't the most out of place that song has been played this year. That award would go to the Clinton Library Opening.

Commercials

Here's my top 5:

5) Diet Pepsi (P.Diddy) - Nice social commentary on how people will do anything copy anything to be cool. Bonus points for putting the youngest Desperate Housewives in the spot. it is also interesting that that "Pimp My Ride's" own Xzibit has no problem selling himself for money. Honorable Mention for there other ad with the guy waking down the street turning every women's head including Cindy Crawford and one of the Queer Guys.
4) Mustang Convertible - If I had a convertible, I'd have it down at all times too. While I'm talking about car, I can't remember which one is was but why did some car maker drop 2.4 million on a car that doesn't come out until the end of 2005. Buzz doesn’t last that long as proven by how I can't even remember it's name.
3) NFL Network (Everyone is undefeated tomorrow) - One of the best sports ideas ever. Unfortunately it won't take the Brown's too long change that. My only problem is that I only recognized 3 people in the ad, Joe Montana, Ben Rothhngfhnkslflituebuger, and Dante Cullpepper, whom I only recognized him because he was singing with a Viking.
2) SBC (Wonderful Tonight) - Anyone who has had to wait an hour for a girl to get dressed can relate to this ad.
1) MBNA Credit Card - Charlie Daniels dancing with Black Eyed Peas, disturbing. Gladys Knight playing rugby, freaking hilarious.

Sadly it wasn't too hard to come up with this list because most of the ads were boring or just lame (LeBron, I’m taking to you). Seriously, two companies picked M.C. Hammer as their spokesmen. For those keeping track $4.8 million were spent on the selling power of M.C. Hammer. One ad even pointed out his poor money management. Did no one realize this in the pitch meeting? Also the only erectile dysfunction didn't air until 9:05. Thanks Janet (no sarcasm this time)

Another recent trend is the summer movie trailer during the Super Bowl. Here are the one's I will most likely see.

5) War of the World - I'm not actually see this movie since I've already seen Independence Day, but it was either this or Robots. Ever notice that the little girl in this movie is the new go to kid. I have a feeling Hailey Joel Osmont is rueing the day he went threw puberty.
4) The Pacifier - Even though it has Vin Diesel in it. Even though I saw it back when it was called Kindergarten Cop (Governor Diesel? shiver.) This may end up as a rental solely on the appearance of Brittany Snow who make "American Dreams" watchable each week.
4a) xXx - Ice Cube for Vin Diesel - upgrade.
3) Be Cool - Pulp Fiction meets Swingers via Get Shorty, I'm in.
2) The Longest Yard - It has Adam Sandler, but it also has Nelly. It has Chris Rock but it has Brian Bosworth. It has Michael Irving but it has Bill Romanowski. This could be the best or worst movie of the year.
1) Batman Begins - One word, Scarecrow. Best. Batman villain. Ever. But I'm not sold on the American Psycho as Batman and I like the Bat mobile as a sports car rather than a Hummer.

Post Game

Did anyone notice that the "Under 5" Post Show went almost 30 minutes? Oh well. Nothing hurt more then when Chris Collingsworth said, "There is not a person in Cleveland not scratching their heads and saying 'can you believe what we're seeing?" Ouch. As for the Simpsons, the show seemed a little dated touching on all most of the topics that shaped LAST year. At least the Comic Book Guy gave me a title for this commentary.

To cap of the Worst. Super Bowl. Ever. was Fox's newest show, American Dad, which apparently was from the makers of Family Guy. Did they really need to tell us that? Let's look at the families: Idiot Father - Check. Loving Mother - Check. Nerdy Son- Check. Smart Daughter - Check. Talking Pet - Check. Member with a weird accent - Check. Oh, what the heck, one for the road - Worst. Post-Super Bowl Show. Ever.

Saturday, February 05, 2005

Your rhymes are incomplete like Vinny Testaverde

For my first true entry I thought I would pass along some opinions on the upcoming Super Bowl. So here it goes.

T.O.

Obviously the best place to start is the most talked about player (maybe) in the Super Bowl. Should he play? The answer is up to him. If he feels if he can play, he should. It's the Super Bowl, something that even the best players don't reach. If I were in his shoes, if I could walk I would be on the field. I've played with broken toes, bum knees and other painful predicaments for games that a lot less meaning than the Super Bowl.

Bill Belichick

As a guy who is lodged in my top 10 most hated people alive list, I cannot root for this guy. And to add insult to injury all the sports guys continually call this guy a genius or best coach ever. Whenever anyone says this, I want to show them tapes of his old Brown's (my team bye the way) days. This guy was so bad it gave Modell (who ranks #2 on my most hated list) a reason to move the team out of town. He even benched then traded one of Cleveland most beloved sports star ever only to replace him with... Vinny Testaverde who inspired one of the best sports-inspired rap lyric of all time, "Your rhymes are incomplete like Vinny Testaverde." (A Tribe Called Quest)

Romeo Crennel

Let me take you back to last August when I bought Madden 2005. When I started up franchise mode, here were my first three moves. 1. Traded Jeff Garcia for draft picks, started Luke McCown (luckily cyber McCown's player rating doesn't drop 20 points in cold weather) 2. Traded William Green for draft picks, started Lee Suggs (luckily cyber Suggs isn't as injury proned as the real person) 3. Dropped Butch Davis and signed... you guessed it Romeo Crennel. Seriously, why was I not considered for the Browns' GM job. Look what happened when the Red Sox hired Theo Epstein. Back in the real world the Browns better schedule a press conference on Monday to announce Crennel the new head coach, barring Philly dropping 50 against his defense.

Prediction

Eagles17, Patriots 12 (Of course I always bet against Belichick, and I always lose, so don't take my prediction seriously) Wait I just thought of something:
~~Eagles17, Patriots 12~~
Patriots 33, Eagles 6