Better Run Through the Jungle

The latest season of Survivor set in Guatemala seemed to be the hardest yet in the series run. The show started out with an 11-mile hike to an ancient ruin, the winner who then wins it as their camp. Now an 11-mile hike doesn’t sound that bad, but when it is done deep in a jungle with very little in the way of help or a clear path, I wouldn’t be surprised if the tribes logged more than 11-miles in total distance traveled. And challenges didn’t get much easier from their including multiple challenges where tribes squared off head to head in brute strength competition rather than the usual race format. Also much of the challenges had multiple layers to them making sure the winner earned the reward or immunity. And to top things off, most of the challenges took place in triple digit temperatures, or at least that’d what Jeff Probst would have us believe.

But Survivor is more so about the social experiment than the competition itself. It’s always interesting to see how people interact with strangers who just so happen to be their way of winning a million dollars and may cast a ballot on whether they get the money or not. The big twist in terms of the social experiment this year was to bring in people the other contestants may already know in Survivor: Palau alumni Bobby John and Stephanie. I was surprised how little maneuvering their was to get these two out early fearing that they would be huge threats, but the other players were content to let Stephanie control the game securing herself into the final two while Bobby John ended up just being a casualty of a numbers game. Aside from Jamie floating the idea of bumping Stephanie off at their first tribal council, I don’t think either was ever considered until Bobby John hit the merge.

As for the newbies, the breakout star was Judd who gave the biggest exiting tirade ever with his scumbags outburst, in fact I don’t remember anyone ever having a post vote out hissy fit unless you count Greg, who may or may not have been faking during his exit in the first season. The there was the gay Mormon who moral compass led him to not holding Danni to their final two agreement. Odd that he blamed it on his morals after orchestrating the outing of two of his alliance not to mention the whole being gay is considered one of the worst sins by the church. But Anyways. Sadly what could have been the most interesting characters were all voted out early with the three token hot chicks being voted off in consecutive weeks after the token old dude got shafted first. Survivor should really make a rule that keeps this from ever happening again. Instead we were left with Danni, who quickly started to look like Skeletor in a stupid hat, Cindy, who surprisingly had a hot twin sister yet looked worn out as if she had been the star of one hundred too many pornos. And I was never sold on Stephanie as being attractive. She had that annoying accent and her eyebrows just creeped me out. Add on to that she wore more makeup at the reunion than Bozo the Clown. If there is one rule I live by, never trust girls who wears a lot of makeup because they have something to hide.

One thing I notice for the first time in the last episode as the final three did their usual look back upon the fallen survivors was how white everyone’s teeth were. The producer had to be slipping them some sort of teeth whitening products during the game because there is no way after weeks without brushing your teeth that they would still sparkle. This leads me to wonder what other amenities they get throughout the show.

In the end, Skeletor wins because everyone else is a moron. Stephanie and Rafe had the game won until they decided to pick off people in their alliance too early by blindsiding Jamie, Judd, and Cindy. Had they stuck to the plan and vote off the old tribe first, they could have still gotten to the final four because Stephanie had Lydia and Judd in her back pocket while Rafe had Cindy. And since Skeletor only betrayed Rafe of the last day, the vote ended up in a blowout. I really don’t understand why anyone wouldn’t look at Judd and Jamie and think, “That’s who I want next to me in the final two.” It would have been an easy win had you brought either two along with you. I don’t care how annoying someone is, I’ll spend a month with them if it gives me a better chance at a million dollars.

During the finale we got a look at the next season which once again puts the survivors in Panama. For those keeping track that would be the third time in about five seasons. It seems no one outside of Latin America really want to host the show anymore. The big new though is that they look to have the biggest twist in the game since they switched tribes back in Africa. Next season, every week (presumably in real life this will only be a day) someone will banished to live alone on a separate island. Granted the island may hold the key to winning the million dollar prize. I assume the key will be a hidden immunity idol much like the one Gary found this season. Although the other twist in which the 16 (yes they are going back to only 16 contestant unlike the 18 in recent seasons) will be split up like never before will be less interesting much like every “big twist” since the Africa shocker.

Survivor: Guatemala gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.