Hey, How Long 'till You Face What's Goin' On

Ashlee Simpson came to prominence solely because she had a show on MTV even though anyone who watched the show could easily tell she was tone deaf and many episodes focused on her poor performances in the studio. This point was amplified by the laughable performances at Saturday Night Live and the Orange Bowl to the point where Ashlee even had to hire a keyboard player who just happens to sing every word along with her. But thanks to Joe Simpson’s pact with the devil, Ashlee gets a second try with I Am Me.

The album starts off with the disturbingly entertaining Boyfriend coming off as the 2005 version of last years “I know I shouldn’t like it” song from last year, Since U Been Gone. The song bounces along on the uber-catchy guitar hook, and unlike Kelly, didn’t have to steal it from the Yeah Yeah Yeahs. But what really makes the song is the so cheesy it becomes amusing “ha’s” that pepper the song much like the hand claps in Take the Money and Run.

Unfortunately the album doesn’t have a Behind These Hazel Eyes to accompany Boyfriend. The closest is the girl anthem L.O.V.E. The major problem with the song is what is supposed to be a chant along chorus sounds like she is saying “Hello, Hello, Hello, Hello VD.” Of course that phase could ruin any girl power moment. But then, maybe it was intended to sound like it, she was rumored to be dating the dude from That 70’s Show and he sluttied up every girl he’s came in contact with.

Lyrically the album is absurd most of the time. Occasionally they induce a good chuckle like when she is self defacing like in Boyfriend where she is confronted by a jealous girlfriend and Ashlee explains herself by saying “When I go home, I’m going home alone.” So basically she’s saying that not only could I not steal you boyfriend, I couldn’t pick any guy up. Her inability to land a guy continues on Dancing Alone which is reminiscent of Dancing with Myself (the song even sounds out of the 80’s) but without the underlining double entendre that made the Billy Idol song noteworthy. Then there is the ironic line in Boyfriend, “All the lies that you told, just to ease your own soul.” Oh but Ashlee, you are not bigger than that as you blame your drummer, your stomach, Saddam Hussein having WMD’s, and Doug Eddings.

The worst of the worst is Burning Up where Ashlee tries to moan her lyrics suggestively but it ends up sounding as alluring as Ned Beatty squealing like a pig in his underwear. The album also falters whenever they don’t mask Ashlee’s voice with a wall of sound. With only a piano accompanying her, Ashlee’s voice sounds like nails on a chalkboard. For Ashlee’s next album (God forbid) she may want to take another reality star turned pop star, Kelly Osbourne and go techno because the aggravated beats can cover up even the worst voices. And with her nappy extensions, she isn’t even Beautifully Broken like the song title say, she is just broken now.

Song to Download – Boyfriend

I Am Me gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.