After years of pop radio being filled with bland pop and watered down rap with an occasional adult contemporary or country crossover song, Foster the People crashed the Top 40 last year with the weirdest hit song since the alternative craze of the nineties when MTV was still pushing buzzworthy bands. Their success opened up the door for more weird pop songs by fun. and the xylophone heavy Somebody That I Used to Know by Gotye, both of which have kept more traditional pop songs from boy bands, Justin Bieber and the Call Me Maybe chick out of the number one spot on the Hot 100 since fun. topped the chart back on St. Patrick’s Day.
As good as the Goyte song is, let’s face it, Kimbra is what takes a good song and makes it great. We have all heard their fair share of kiss off songs, but rarely do we ever get to hear the other side of the story in the same song (I am sure the guy referenced in Since U Been Gone would have liked the chance to refute some of the claims in that song). I cannot remember it happening since Positive K’s I Got a Man. After two verses and a chorus of accusations of being coldhearted, Kimbra comes in and shoots back about how manipulative he is. Oh, snap.
They say you never get a second chance to make a first impression and Kimbra did a very good job with her first impression here in the States. Even with Somebody That I Used to Know still at number one, Kimbra is ready to make a name for herself with her debut album Vows being released this week in America. Vows is the left of center pop music that you would expect from the small sliver of Kimbra you heard on the Gotye track, but it is a little jarring with how angry that song was that her album is very happy and hopeful and filled with tales of a much healthier relationship.
Right off the bat, Kimbra is ready to Settle Down, and raise a family and even has names picked out (Nebraska Jones). Throughout the thirteen tracks she shows off a vocal charisma that rivals her flashy persona using her voice as an instrument and not just a vessel to deliver lyrics be it the peppy boom’s in Settle Down or the haunting ooo’s in Plain Gold Ring. Musically the songs on Vows are so diverse you are not going to confuse one song from another be it the RnB flavor of Something in the Way You Are, the disco feel of Cameo Lover, Good Intent is the catchiest pop song on the album, the horns infused rock of Come Into My Head, the techno beats of Sally I Can See You.
As good as the previous songs on the album are, none are as good as the bonus track of Warrior, the song Kimbra did with Mark Foster (of the People fame) and producer A-Trak is the best song on the album and none of the songs reach the high of Somebody I Used to Know. But Vows lays down the foundation of what could be a great sophomore album, the way Adele took the massive jump inbetween her first two albums.
It dawned on me while listening to the new John Mayer new album that all his previous albums had a musical theme. Room for Squares was his pop album. Heavier Things was his blues album. Continuum was his soul album. And Battle Studies was his crappy concept album about dating and breaking up with Jennifer Aniston. It is clear listening to Born and Raised that he has entered his folk phase. The album even features about as much harmonica as electric guitars. Most of the album is just him as part of a four piece band with an occasional guest like trumpeter Chris Botti, violinist Sara Watkins formerly of Nickel Creek, and David Crosby and Graham Nash (sans Stills or Young) doing backing vocals.
Of course one of the main reasons Mayer may have retreated to the frozen country of Montana was that his stupid mouth got him in trouble time and time again in the promotion of his last album when talking about his racist genitalia and sexual napalm. When first single Shadow Days hit, it sounding like the singer was apologizing for saying too much again when he opens the song with the lines, “Did you know that you could be wrong and swear you’re right” and adds in the chorus, “I’m a good man with a good heart. Had a tough time, got a rough start.”
It turns out repentance is a big theme of Born and Raised. On If I Ever Get Around to Living It is hard not to think he is talking to himself when he asks somebody, “When you gonna wise up boy?” And I may not be a shrink, but Whiskey, Whiskey, Whiskey (which is followed by water, water, water, sleep) kind of sounds like a lyrical excuse for his spoken words. Then in the verses, there are lines like “The only deal I ever signed, the old devil drew a dotted line. The stage was set, the words were mine, I’m not complaining” which is followed by “it’s just a phase, it’s not forever (but I still might have a ways to go).”
Mayer saves his biggest regrets for the title track, a heartbreaking tale of his parents dissolving marriage which is worthy of the country sound where he laments it is “such a waste to grow up lonely.” But it is not all doom and gloom because the album actually ends with the Born and Raised (Reprise) is a bit more optimistic in a sitting around the firepit and singing a song with your friends at the end of the day kind of way. Born and Raised was a nice diversion into folk, hopefully John Mayer’s rock opus is coming next.
On her first album, Meiko created some of the quirkiest indie, acoustic guitar based, snarky songs that it is surprising she was not featured in an iPod commercial. She was basically Sara Bareilles with a guitar that would take an extra step across the preverbal line. With her snark in full view four years later it is surprising how mature she sounds on her sophomore album The Bright Side and stays serious for the most part (a song titled Good Looking Loser notwithstanding).
Not just mature but she at times even sounds sexy and she clearly has the voice for it. This is no more evident than on the first single Leave the Lights On where she coos over a subtle electro beat about secrets and something between the sheets. It may take a few listens for fans of her first album to get used to the dancey beat, but the song pushes her places that no one could have thought of after her debut. When the Doors Close takes those sensibilities from the first single and slows them down to great effect.
For those that loved that first album, there is still plenty to draw you in. Stuck on You and Let it Go are as catchy as anything on her freshman outing and you probably won’t be able to wait until she comes to your hometown so you can sing them back to her. But the highlights of The Bright Side are where Meiko expands her sound. I’m in Love is Meiko’s Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band - Sgt. Pepper moment with an ultra-catchy sing-a-long with some new instrumentations. The growth culminates on the last track, the sultry New Orleans jazz of I Wonder. If Meiko can make a leap like this musically from her first album to her second, I personally cannot wait for what she has in store for the listeners on her third.
Once Upon a Time: I call shenanigans. How it is after countless numbers of times that Emma has touched the book that this time is the time she touched it and all the saddened started to believe? Shenanigans. And why, at this point, does no one go with true love’s kiss to begin with? It popped in my mind last week when Henry first ate the turnover yet no one realized that it could cure him until after it happened. I am a bit surprised that the curse ended up breaking at the end of the first season finale. So are there going to be any fairytale flashbacks next season? It seems silly if there is going to be magic and everyone knows their past in the real world.
You can stream current episodes on Hulu. You can also download Once Upon a Time on iTunes.
Mad Men: Like last week when all I could think about was why is Rory Gilmore giving it up to the obnoxious Pete Campbell (and what the frack was Mr. Belding doing there), this week all I could think of after the episode was why was Rory Gilmore topless on Mad Men? I vaguely remember Betty eating whip cream out of a can and the Jewish alien throwing a hissy fit, but the stunt casting on the show this season is really getting distracting. Almost as distracting: titling the episode Dark Shadows the same week the movie reboot is released to theaters.
You can download Mad Men on iTunes.
How I Met Your Mother: The first half reminded me of the most recent Community clip show that was not an actual clip show where the writers complied all their half baked ideas into one show. The second half was pretty predictable as I saw Barney proposing to Quinn via magic trick only for the bride turning out to be Robin miles away, the same for Victoria showing up to the bar on her wedding day with Ted driving her back to the church. Granted I did not see him driving past it. Not that I really mind because much like Robin, I think Victoria is the best girlfriend Ted has had and certainly the only one I would like see ending up the mother. Though it would be hard to explain how she turns out to be the mother if Ted met the mother at Barney’s wedding as previously stated.
You can stream recent episodes over at cbs.com. You can also download How I Met Your Mother on iTunes.
Suburgatory: Holy James Ingram< sighting! I actually thought James was going to turn out to be Lisa’s real father but I guess her brother is still in play.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Suburgatory on iTunes.
Revenge: I am always against the “x amount of time early” cold open to an episode, but to promise a death early on only for it to turn out to be a dog is cruel and inhumane. Just how many death sequences can one show screw up?
You can stream current episodes on Hulu. You can also download Revenge on iTunes.
Community: For the second half the season, it has been fun watching each episode trying to figure out the exact moment where Chevy Chase really got fed up with the absurd storyline. I think we had a winner with the 8-bit episode. As much as I loved the old school Nintendo games, it was hard not to think that Scott Pilgrim vs. the World’s ode to the time period in gaming was much better with its live action homage. And it is odd that they ended the season not with the epic heist episode but the more low key (or as low key as an episode with an evil doppelganger trying to hack off someone’s arm can be) trail episode especially since they just did a Law and Order episode not too long ago. It was like the season Buffy the Vampire Slayer vanquished the Big Bad in the penultimate episode and spent the finale dreaming about cheese.
You can stream current episodes on Hulu. You can also download Community on iTunes.
Quote of the Week: Being voted out I was really, really upset. All three of you hurt me very, very badly. And Kim, I am just destroyed by you. But what I kinda want to tell you is that I have a secret that I want to tell you. When I was little I went through two open heart surgeries when I was 12 years old and in order for me to have kids I had to have another open heart surgery in twelve years which means 22 baby. So I will be going in next year and I am doing it again. So I had to hide that from you guys, so I didn’t want to show you that weakness. But that’s why I don’t have time to be mad at you three. (Kat, Survivor)
Big News of the Week: Network Upfronts: When the network announce their fall schedule, everyone naturally looks to see what is worth watching next season (check out my list of The Five New Shows of the Fall that Will Suck the Least). But also a fun game is trying to figure what will be canceled first, so fun that Grantland even created a Fall TV Cancelation Fantasy League last year. And since every draft needs its own Mel Kiper, I will go ahead and throw my hat in the ring with my first mock draft. Please note that the mock draft has absolutely nothing to do with quality (critical darling Lone Star took home the first canceled award two years ago), but what I think will be canceled first.
1. Guys with Kids (Wednesdays at 8:30 on NBC) – This has everything you look for in a potential cancelation: it looks horrible (Jamie Lynn Sigler doing comedy), in a killer timeslot (established comedy Suburagtory, Survivor, and the train wreck that will be Britney Spears), and a horrible lead in (fellow new show Animal Kingdom; it is clear one of these two show will get canceled early on, I am hoping for the crappier one). Really you could make a case for every new show NBC is premiering this fall, but they cannot possibly cancel everything, can they? Somehow Whitney and Up All Night even got second seasons.
2. Ben and Kate (Tuesdays at 8:30 on Fox) – Also a three tool show as above, but not to the same extent. Although also a tough timeslot (The Voice and Dancing with the Stars result shows and NCIS), it does not air against any other comedy at that hour so if you are against reality shows and are under sixty this may be your only option, and though not strong, Raising Hope does have a built in audience and people may tune into The New Girl early.
3. The Mob Doctor (Mondays at 9:00 on Fox) – The chick from My Boys is playing a doctor. A doctor for the mob. Seriously. Bonus points for airing in the former Lone Star timeslot. Poor Matt Saresen, maybe it is time to stop auditioning for doctor roles.
4. Last Resort (Thursdays at 8:00 on ABC) – Speaking of cursed timeslots, since Ugly Betty, scripted shows that have occupied this timeslot have included Flash Forward, My Generation (was only beaten out by Lone Star for first cancelation of 2010 because it started later), Charlie’s Angels, and Missing. I have a feeling a serialize show about a rouge submarine will not change the timeslot’s luck.
5. Partners (Mondays at 8:30 on CBS) – For the last couple seasons CBS has used The Big Bang Theory and 2 and a Half Men to launch new shows but strangely this season they paired up both shows on Thursdays leaving the aging How I Met Your Mother, that routinely got out-rated by the freshman show that followed it 2 Broke Girls, to launch its lone comedy this fall. Also, have I mentioned that Sophia Bush and Brandon Routh are cast in this supposed comedy? And isn’t Partners just How to Be a Gentleman from last season but instead of an ambiguously gay homosexual, there is an actual gay homosexual? But as Gentleman showed us, CBS has shown in the past a quick hand at pulling horrible comedies that would be the highest rated show not named Modern Family on any other network so expect the not quite canceled yet Rules of Engagement back in this timeslot by Thanksgiving.
Preview Picture of the Week: New show Bunheads about a Vegas showgirl turned small town dance instructor premieres June 11 and ABC Family has released its first pictures from the show, here is one:
Free Download of the Week: Good Vibrations – Beach Boys (Google Play)
Next Week Pick of the Week: Revenge, Wednesday at 10:00 on ABC: The first season of Revenge asked the very important question of: when does a guilty pleasure stop being guilty and becomes just a pleasure? I am still on the fence because there is still some pretty bad acting (silly teenagers) and I still am not happy how they resolved what the set up in the premiere, but I am still really looking forward to the finale. Hopefully unlike the least episode, there better be blood. And not just of the canine version (R.I.P. Sam).
I have gotten a plethora of cool press releases have been flooding my inbox recently that you may find interesting. This post will include blurbs on NBC, Veep, True Blood, The Geo Bee 2012, CMT Music Awards, Seventeen, The New Yorker, Oprah's Next Chapter, Forensic Firsts, Saturday Night Live, Mob Wives, and TNT:
- NBC unveiled its Fall schedule this week and here is a look of the new shows coming your way in about four to five months.
- Here is the latest deleted scene from the HBO show Veep:
- Last week HBO released its first posters for the new season of True Blood and this week they released a new poster created by you the fans of the show. Take a gander below:
- Spelling enthusiasts have had the Spelling Bee for a while now, and not there is a Bee for those of us that are a fan of geography. The Geo Bee 2012 premieres Thursday 8:00 on National Geographic channel and will be hosted by Alex Trebek.
- The first list of performers for this year’s CMT Music Awards was announced so look out for Kenny Chesney, Lady Antebellum, Little Big Town, Brad Paisley, Carrie Underwood and Zac Brown Band to take the stage Wednesday June 6 starting at 8:00.
- Modern Family‘s Sarah Hyland covers the June / July issue of Seventeen where she discusses a very serious illness where she has been battling kidney dysplasia and her life saving transplant she underwent in April.
- In the most recent issue of The New Yorker, Emily Nussbaum reviews ABC’s new series Scandal and more generally about race on television.
- Coming this Sunday on OWN, Carrie Underwood and her husband Mike Fisher talks to Oprah in their first joint interview on Oprah’s Next Chapter. Also coming to the shjow soon is Neil Patrick Harris (June 3) and Newark, New Jersey Mayor Cory Booker (June 10).
- New show alert! Forensic Firsts will premiere Sunday, June 17 at 9:00 on the Smithsonian Channel which will uncover the secrets behind the science of today’s criminal investigators.
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- For the first time ever, Saturday Night Live will be using new technology (the free Color app) to live broadcast backstage on their May 19th Season Finale featuring host Mick Jagger and special guests Foo Fighters and Arcade Fire. The cast and crew will be using Color, the new app that lets you instantly capture and share LIVE video broadcasts and photos with friends on Facebook. Essentially SNL will broadcast from their phone to yours, and fans will get a rare peek into what really happens backstage during the week of rehearsals and during the LIVE show and the commercial breaks.
- Mob Wives Season 2 Reunion – Part One hosted by Joy Behar airs this Sunday at 8:00. And you guessed it, Part 2 airs next Sunday. My sources tell me it will be intense and explosive.
- The major networks (and The CW) were not the only ones hold their upfronts this week, TNT and TBS both unveiled some projects they have in development, take a look at them below:
TNT Scripted Series in Development
King and Maxwell – Bestselling author David Baldacci's popular characters Sean King and Michelle Maxwell aren’t your typical pair of private investigators. Both are former secret service agents, and their unique skill set (not to mention their razor-sharp chemistry) often gives them a leg up on both suspects and conventional law enforcement. Baldacci serves as a consultant on the project. Executive Producer: Shane Brennan. Produce r: Karen Spiegel and Grant Anderson. Studio: CBS Television Studios.
The Last Ship – In this exciting action/adventure project based on the popular novel by William Brinkley, the crew of a naval destroyer is forced to confront the reality of a new existence when a pandemic decimates most of the earth's population. Michael Bay (Transformers) intends to direct the pilot if it is green lit. Executive Producers: Michael Bay, Brad Fuller, Andrew Form, Hank Steinberg (showrunner and writer) and Steve Kane (writer). Production Company: Platinum Dunes.
Legends – This suspenseful, action-packed drama is being developed by Howard Gordon, Jeffrey Nachmanoff and Mark Bomback from the novel Legends by Robert Littell. The story follows a deep-cover operative named Martin Odum, who has an uncanny ability to transform himself into a different person for each job. But his own identity comes into question when a mysterious stranger suggests that Martin isn’t who he thinks he is. Executive Producers: Howard Gordon, Jeffrey Nachmanoff, Alexander Cary and Jonathan Levin. Studio: Fox Television Studios.
Lew Archer – Based on the title character from Ross McDonald's popular novels, this project from The Closer creator James Duff and Close to Home creator Jim Leonard follows the sleuth many consider to be "the original P.I." Executive Producers: James Duff, Jim Leonard (writer) and Steve N. White. Studio: Warner Horizon Television.
Tom Clancy's Homeland Security – This event-based procedural written by Javier Grillo-Marxuach and set in Tom Clancy's world of espionage pits a select team of domestic intelligence operatives against enemies within and without, from narco-traffickers and nuclear terrorists to cyber-criminals and human smugglers. Executive Producers: Tom Clancy, Michael Ovitz, Javier Grillo-Marxuach and Chris George.
Untitled Steven Bochco Murder Mystery project – This suspenseful and intriguing crime drama will intimately dissect a single murder case over an entire season, from the commitment of the crime through the investigation, arrest and trial. Executive Producer: Steven Bochco (writer). Co-Executive Producer: Eric Lodal (writer).
Untitled Ron Shelton family drama – A disgraced football coach loses his high-profile job in Los Angeles and winds up moving his three kids and 70-year-old father to Louisiana. But this might just be the fresh start they need in this insightful drama from the writer/director of Bull Durham. Executive Producers: Ron Shelton (writer), Michele Weisler and Andrea Buchanan.
TNT Unscripted Series in Development
American Troubadours –From one of the executive producers of American Idol and film star Matthew McConaughey, this new reality competition series is on a mission to discover the best unsigned bar band in America, singer/songwriter bands that represent the greatest tradition of rock and roll. Executive Producers: Nigel Lythgoe, Matthew McConaughey and Anastasia Brown. Production Companies: Nigel Lythgoe Productions and J.K. Livin Foundation.
Cold Justice – This docu-drama, produced by EmmyÒ winners for such series as Law & Order, Project Runway and Top Chef, will follow former prosecutor Kelly Siegler and crime scene investigator Yolanda McClary as they crack cold cases. Executive Producers: Dick Wolf, Tom Thayer, Dan Cutforth and Jane Lipsitz. Production Companies: Wolf Films and Magical Elves.
Rivals – From the producers of Laguna Beach and Jockeys comes this riveting series set in the glamorous world of thoroughbred horse racing. Executive Producers: Gail Berman, Lloyd Braun and Gene Stein for BermanBraun; Gary Ravet for Promark Productions; and Gary Auerbach and Tina Gazzero for Go Go Luckey.
24/7: Los Angeles – OscarÒ-winning documentary filmmaker Robert Port crafted this gripping, all-access look at the men and women who protect the streets of Los Angeles. Executive Producers: Robert Port, Michael Goldstein and Michael Larkin. Production Company: Port Films.
TBS Scripted Series in Development
The Kid – To try and get his game back, a young and socially naïve golf prodigy named Quinn teams up with Joey, an unconventional new caddy. But much to the dismay of his father, Quinn learns more than just golf, as this new duo makes its way into the high-rolling, fast-moving big-time world of professional golf. The Kid is written by Donald Todd from a story by Sports Illustrated senior writer Michael Bamberger and writer Jay Hass, along with David Morse (Tremé) and professional golfer Phil Mickelson's longtime caddy, Jim "Bones" Mackay. Executive Producers: Donald Todd, Greer Shephard and Michael M. Robin. Production Company: The Shephard/Robin Company. Studio: Warner Horizon Television.
Most Likely – It has been ten years since high school, and the former “most likely to succeed” star student returns to his hometown after losing his job. He winds up working for the former (and still) “most popular” jock in this mismatched buddy comedy penned by Josh Heald (Hot Tub Time Machine). Executive Producers: Conan O’Brien, Jeff Ross and David Kissinger. Co-Executive Producer/Writer: Josh Heald. Production Company: Conaco LLC. Studio: Warner Horizon Television.
Zone Lord – Conan O'Brien serves as executive producer on this sitcom with an intergalactic twist. Three roommates awake one morning to discover an evil but very hip alien has moved into their building, along with his diminutive navigator. Executive Producers: Conan O'Brien, Jeff Ross and David Kissinger. Co-Executive Producer/Writer: Ross Venokur. Production Company: Conaco LLC. Studio: Warner Horizon Television.
TBS Unscripted Series in Development
Norm MacDonald is Trending – TBS has ordered a pilot presentation of this talk show from some of the executive producers behind Sports Show with Norm MacDonald and Real Time with Bill Maher. SNL alumnus and former "Weekend Update" anchor Norm MacDonald hosts as he and his team of correspondents sort through the churning mass of pop culture and social media to pull out the funniest, most bizarre and entertaining events so you don’t have to. Executive Producers: Norm MacDonald, Marc Gurvitz and Lori Jo Hoekstra.
Untitled Competition Game Show – This big, unique and physically challenging competition series is being developed by Jared Hoffman and produced by Alloy Digital's Generate Studios, which was co-founded by Jordan Levin and Pete Aronson. Executive Producer: Jared Hoffman. Production Company: Generate Studios.
It is not a good sign for next season when the biggest news coming out of the Upfronts this year was Britney Spears judging a singing competition. And just when you thought The X-Factor could not be an even bigger joke, they hired a nineteen year old Demi Lovato, who is probably best known to the general public as someone who went to rehab to sit next to Britney. At least Britney is also known as a horrible singer in-between her rehab stints. Now let me go back to believing Fox does not exist.
But the most important news of the week did not even come from the networks, but instead from cable network TBS who announced during their Upfronts that they have hired a pilot presentation of a show called Norm MacDonald Is Trending. It is described as, “SNL alumnus and former "Weekend Update" anchor Norm MacDonald hosts as he and his team of correspondents sort through the churning mass of pop culture and social media to pull out the funniest, most bizarre and entertaining events so you don’t have to.” Just order that to series now TBS.
Usually around this time I take a look of all the promos for upcoming shows for next season and come up with my premature list of the best new shows of next season, except there were not really any shows that excited me that were announced (is it too late for ABC to pick up the Mandy Moore sitcom?). So this is an election year where I usually not vote for the best candidate but instead vote for the candidate I think sucks the least, here is my list of The Five Shows From Next Season that Will Suck the Least:
1. Last Resort (ABC): Want to know just how bad this year’s crop of shows is? The best one can best be described as a serious version of Gilligan's Island. But I do like creator Shawn Ryan (Terriers) and actors Andre Braugher (Men of a Certain Age), Autumn Reeser (No Ordinary Family), and Jessy Schram (Veronica Mars), features a recurring Robert Patrick (Terminator 2) it does have the coolest premise: a nuclear submarine the refuses an order to take out Pakistan and becomes a rogue nation with its own nuclear weapon to keep them safe. Of course because of all that and its Thursday at 8:00 timeslot (which has been the ABC death slot since Ugly Betty stated to tank about four years ago), Vegas will probably put the Over / Under of episodes at 5.
2. Animal Practice (NBC): For some reason I kept thinking that the show was a drama until I saw the trailer. A trailer that featured the monkey from The Hangover Part II as a doctor. I also give this show five episodes (it is going up against established comedy The Middle, Survivor and the trainwreck that will be Britney Spears), but I will enjoy all five of them.
3. The Neighbors (ABC): A sitcom starring Jami Gertz: pass. But it also stars aliens that named themselves Jackie Joyner Kersey, Reggie Jackson, Larry Bird and Dick Butkis: yes please. If ABC does not get the rights for an Alf cameo I will be severely disappointed.
4. Nashville (ABC): I have some good news and bad news about the show. The good news is that it stars Tami Taylor. The bad news is it stars the annoying cheerleader from Heroes. Is it too late to recast her with Julie Taylor?
5. Friend Me (CBS): McLovin on CBS? A premise so stupid it may work. But to work it definitely needs a name change before hitting airwaves because it is the worst titled new show of the season not named How to Live with Your Parents (for the Rest of Your Life).
And since there is an abundance of horrible looking shows that will be hitting the airways next season, here is a list of The Five Shows Networks Could Not Pay Me to Watch (for at least under $100).
1. Revolution (NBC): Since J.J. Abrams is a hack who only deals in high concept / low rewards I had no hopes that the show would be any good. Then I got a look at the trailer and it managed to slither under the bar of my low expectations. You should expect some major plot holes in a J.J. Abrams show, but there are huge ones already in the first trailer.
2. The New Normal (NBC): If J.J. Abrams is the biggest hack still working in Hollywood, Ryan Murphy is the second biggest hack. And as a straight dude I am a bit offended that a show called “The New Normal” does not feature a single heterosexual man (and to a lesser extend anyone of color). What are you trying to say, straight dudes (and to a lesser extent people of color) are no longer normal? Somebody get the ACLU on the phone.
3. Partners (CBS): I know it may look bad that both gay-centric shows are in my Horrible Show list, but in my defense, I am not homophobic because I would totally push my way through a bunch of chicks to make out with Shamar Moore. That and this sitcom features Brandon Routh and Sophia Bush who makes Elisha Cuthbert look like Kristin Wiig when it comes to comedic timing.
4. Next Caller (NBC): You would think after the Chelsea Handler debacle, you would think NBC would think twice about giving a polarizing comic their own show, but coming this midseason is a show staring Dane Cook. And it is becoming very clear that Jeffrey Tambor does not know how to say “no.” Let’s go over his post-Arrested Development career: Twenty Good Years (four episodes), Welcome to the Captain (five episodes), Bent (six episodes). But I have a felling Next Caller may not make it to seven episodes.
5. Guys with Kids (NBC): If it were not for Sophia Bush, Jamie Lynn Sigler would have easily won the Why the Frack Is Jack Bauer’s Daughter in a Comedy Award that goes to the most head scratching casting decision of the season. Also the promo for the show features three guys giving chest bumps with their babies. Seriously.
Enough of the crap, here is what I will be watching next season:
Mondays
8:00 – The Voice (NBC)
8:00 – How I Met Your Mother (CBS)
9:00 – 2 Broke Girls (CBS)
10:00 – Castle (ABC)
Tuesdays
8:00 – The Voice (NBC)
9:00 – Go On (NBC)
9:00 – Happy Endings (ABC)
9:30 – Don’t Trust the B---- in Apartment 23 (ABC)
10:00 – Parenthood (NBC)
Wednesdays
8:00 – Survivor (CBS)
8:00 – The Middle (ABC)
8:30 – Suburgatory (ABC)
9:00 – Modern Family (ABC)
9:30 – The Neighbors (ABC)
10:00 – Nashville (ABC)
Thursdays
8:00 – The Big Bang Theory (CBS)
8:00 - Last Resort (ABC)
Fridays (TGIF returns! Sort of)
8:00 – Last Man Standing (ABC)
8:30 – Community (NBC)
9:00 – Grimm (NBC)
Sundays
8:00 – Once Upon a Time (ABC)
9:00 – Revenge (ABC)
9:00 – Dexter (Showtime)
10:00 – Homeland (Showtime)
Retro has made a big comeback over the past half decade ranging from the ultra polished soul singers like Amy Winehouse to the lo-fi rockers like Best Coast. El Paso garage band The Royalty sits somewhere in the middle, a garage rock band with Vampire Weekend style guitar flairs with a singer that sounds heavily influenced by the Motown girl groups of the sixties.
Their first album via Victory Records Lovers effortless transitions between power-pop songs like Bartender or Mr. Hyde and songs that sound like fuzzed out guitar versions of The Ronettes songs like How I Like ‘Em or Other Boys. The upbeat I Want You is just pure fun and should be added to every party you are planning on hosting this summer. Actually most of Lovers will take you back to your early summer days (even if you didn’t grow up in the sixties where a lot of the sounds on the album come from) like the sweet Bottle Breaker.
As the album goes on, the more adventurous the band gets. Every Little Bit starts off with a similar drum beat from Lykki Li’s Get Some and features a chant along chorus. If the youth of America listened to better music, Witchcraft would be a middle school slow dance staple for the next half a decade at least. The Royalty even pulls out an epic Saint Bowie which is the closest they get to a stadium anthem. The album then ends with the sweet piano-based Won’t Be Long which shows how the band could be even more versatile on future albums.
As we wind down the television season, I am going to run down the best music placement of the past twelve months and as an added twist, I am going to do it in Lyrics Quiz form so you have to guess to see the actual list. As usual, place your guesses in the comment (or e-mail me), both artist and song title, and if you are correct I will un-bold the lyric. For fun, feel free to also guess which television shows the song was used on, a couple of the ones on my list even have multiple answers. Please note in one case where the artist namedropped himself, I changed his name to my own as to not make the artist of the song obvious.
1. Smelling like Dolce and Gabbana. Shorty you the baddest and to meet you is an honor.
2. Dans les buissons sous le ciel du mois d'août. Les amoureux glissent à pas de loup. Comme les oiseaux ils ont rendez-vous. On l'entend partout.
3. There is so much a man can tell you so much he can say. You remain my power, my pleasure, my pain.Kiss from a Rose - Seal; guessed by Rebekah) 4. Even saw the lights of the Goodyear blimp and it read (Scooter McGavin) is a pimp.
5. I’ve loved you since I knew ya. I wouldn’t talk down to ya. I have to tell you just how I feel, I won’t share you with another boy. (Roxanne - The Police; guessed by Rebekah) 6. I was last in my class. Barely passed at the institute. Now I’m trying to avoid, yeah I’m trying to avoid a malpractice suit.
7. Got the right to vote and will elect and other rappers can’t stand us but give us respect.
8. I’ll follow you down until the sound of my voice will haunt you. You’ll never get away from the sound of the woman that loves you. (Silver Springs (Live) - Fleetwood Mac; guessed by Rebekah)
9. There’s nothing where he used to lie. Conversation has gone dry. That’s what’s going on. (Torn - Natalie Imbruglia; guessed by Rebekah) 10. Never opened myself this way. Life is our, we live it our way. All these words I don’t just say.
11. Is this the real life. Is this just fantasy. Caught in a landslide no escape from reality. (Bohemian Rhapsody - Queen; guessed by Rebekah)
12. I’ve been alone with you inside my mind. And in my dreams I kissed your lips a thousand times. (Hello - Lionel Richie; guessed by Rebekah) 13. If you’re seeing things running through your head, who you gonna call?
14. You say go slow and I fall behind. The secondhand unwinds. (Time After Time - Cyndi Lauper; guessed by Rebekah) 15. You’ll think you’re looking at Aquaman. I summon fish to the dish.
16. If you got a problem, yo I’ll solve it. (Ice Ice Baby - Vanilla Ice; guessed by Rebekah) 17. Plant a seed, plant a flower, plant a rose. Plant any one of those. Keep planting to see which one grows.
18. The first thing I met was a fly with no buzz and the sky with no clouds.
19. I’m sure I might be rude but it’s just your attitude it’s tearing me apart, its ruining me every day. (Linger - The Cranberries; guessed by Rebekah) 20. I will pray for you. I will sell my soul for something pure and true. For someone like you.
21. Sometimes everything is wrong. Now it’s time to sing-along. When your day is night alone, hold on. (Everybody Hurts - R.E.M.; guessed by Rebekah) 22. You only know what I want you to. I know everything you don’t want me to.
23. Gotta have a celebration. Rock my soul.
24. When the rain is blowing in you face and the whole world is on your case. I could off you a warm embrace. (Make You Feel My Love - Bob Dylan; guessed by Rebekah) 25. I am thinking it’s a sign that the freckles in our eyes are mirror images and when we kiss they’re perfectly aligned.
Back during the first episode of Survivor: One World when the one chick broke her wrist and Probst gave the guys a choice to either take the win or continue the challenge with the girls short a player and I warned the guys, do not anger the Survivor Gods by taking the cheap win and lo and behold, three month later, the most despicable of the guys had to be medically evacuated, they voluntarily gave away immunity (strike two for the Survivor Gods), and all the guys that made the merge are sitting on the jury while the women made up the final five contestants.
If there was one dude who angered the Survivor Gods more than the other dudes it was Colton Cumbie. I never thought I would hate a contestant on the show more than I hated Russell Hantz but Colton managed to slither under the very low bar. He called the first little person on the show every offensive name you could think of, the called the lone black dude ghetto trash to hi face while telling another contestant she might as well jump into the fire so she did not have to wait to be voted off. That must have been the final straw for the Survivor Gods because he could vote off Christa Cha, he had to be air listed off the show with appendicitis like symptoms. Hopefully he never gets asked back (but I unfortunately would not put my money on never seeing him again).
But as horrible as Colton was, Kat Edorsson was oppositely awesome. Quite possibly the dumbest person ever to play Survivor, everything that came out her mouth was a gem (well expect for her constant burping) like the post-appendicitis discussion. And Kat just had to go out with a bang after giving a long winded speech in her signature hoodie about how awesome blindsides are, only to be blindsided a minute later leading to the single greatest Ponderosa episode ever. Everyone should bug Jeff Probst until he lets Kat back on the show.
Poor Greg “Tarzan” Smith, on any other season the plastic surgeon would have been the breakout star of the season but had to play second fiddle to Kat. He even went with they if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em philosophy by donning Kat’s tank top and bikini bottoms on his head right before his elimination. And that was not even his most entertaining moment. That had to be either when he confronted Chelsea Meissner who he thought harbored ill will against him because she did not think her plastic surgeon did a good job with her new breasts or when he told the tribe he had an affection that kept him from learning other people’s names just moments before having to jot down someone’s name at Tribal Council. Seriously, as much as I hated Redemption Island, I would not mind if they brought it back just so we had a Kat vs. Tarzan season. Or at least do an All Star season of Morons vs. Masterminds.
With all the colorful characters this season, it was the most even keel that ended up winning. Kim Spradlin rolled over everyone all season. I thought it would have been wiser to take Alicia and Christina to the end but in the end it did not really matter because she still won in a landslide. I was a bit surprised Sabrina got all the not-Kim votes instead of Chelsea. But that was not even close to being surprising as Kat being profound during the Final Tribal Council.
As mentioned above, with Kat and Tarzan this season it got me thinking that the next All-Star season of Survivor should be Morons vs. Masterminds. I even have suggestions of who should make up the cast:
Morons
Jamie Dugan (China)
James Clement (China)
Erik Reichenbach (Fans vs. Favorites)
Shannon “Shambo” Waters (Samoa)
Jane Bright (Nicaragua)
Philip Sheppard (Redemption Island)
Natalie Tenerelli (Redemption Island)
Brandon Hantz (South Pacific)
Kat Edorsson (One World)
Greg “Tarzan” Smith (One World)
Masterminds
Richard Hatch (Borneo)
Rob Cesternino (Amazon)
Sandra Diaz-Twine (Pearl Islands)
Cirie Fields (Panama)
Parviti Shallow (Cook Islands)
Todd Herzog (China)
Stephen Fishbach (Tocantins)
Sophie Clarke (South Pacific)
Colton Cumbie (One World)
Kim Spradlin (One World)
Once Upon a Time: There was nothing more predictable this week than Emma not being the one that ate the apple. Although I did think maybe Mary Margret would be taking the bite over Henry as a juxtaposition of her eating it in the fairy tale land. But nothing was more entertaining than the fairies joining the battle to storm the castle.
You can stream current episodes on Hulu. You can also download Once Upon a Time on iTunes.
Mad Men: The show is supposedly the best written show but I it is so profoundly written, why is it when I sat down to write about the show the only thing that comes to my mind is what the frack was Mr. Belding, who apparently has been spending the last decade doing nothing but eating Cool Whip, doing there? (I vaguely remember Megan quitting or something and Don hating The Beatles). And if the former Bayside principal was not distracting enough, there was Pete Campbell nailing Rory Gilmore to increase the nineties nostalgia even more after Ken Cosgrove married Alex Mack (and her father Leland Palmer). Who’s next on the casting couch: Kimmy Gibler? The chick from My Two Dads?
You can download Mad Men on iTunes.
The Voice: After such a strong season it is head scratching that this was finals. With only Jermaine Paul being the only contestant that was better than any of the finalists last season I could not bring myself to watch either episodes this week. After America constantly got everything wrong (with some help from the coaches) this season, I was shocked to learn the voting for the finals went the way it should have: Jermaine, Juliet Simms, Tony Lucca with Chris Mann coming in dead last. I laugh at any notion that the Christina-Adam feud hurt Tony and Chris because they earned their finishing spots and should thank their coaches for taking them a lot further than they deserved. If Adam and Christina hurt anyone it was themselves because they were so focused on destroying each other they let people that may not have come in last place go like Lindsey Pavao, Jesse Campbell, Mathai, or Katrina Parker. So congratulations to Christina on her second straight last place finish even though she came out of the Blind Auditions with the strongest team. Maybe next season you do not take your ninth best team member to the finals with you. Even though I did not bother to watch the finale, there is one performance I checked out the next day:
Castle: It is inevitable for a show built around an antagonist relationship of two characters of different gender that they will eventually hook up if the show stays on the air long enough, but that was a horrible ending for the episode and season. Well almost ending as there was one last scene to remind us that Kate’s mom’s case is still wide open. They better solve it by the end of next season (preferably much earlier). They already hinted at some sort of conspiracy surrounding Castle’s dad, how about solve Mama Beckett’s murder and move onto the mystery of Papa Castle? Unless he is the mysterious boss behind Mama Beckett’s murder (which I suspected when they first brought him up).
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Castle on iTunes.
Survivor: One World: Oh Kat, you can take the girl out of the game but you just cannot keep her quite. I was surprised to learn that Christina turned out to be one of Alicia’s “minions.” Didn’t Alicia once suggest to Christina that she should jump in the fire so she did not have to wait an extra day before being voted out? Is this some sort of Stockholm Syndrome situation?
You can stream recent episodes over at cbs.com.
Modern Family: Holy Dylan sighting! As everyone has spent the last couple months complaining how the show isn’t funny anymore, I think it is clear what was missing this season was Dylan who has not been seen since the season premiere when the Dunfy family left him at the dude ranch. Hopefully he is the spark that can get the fourth season back on track. Maybe a Dylan-Hayley wedding is in order.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu.
Revenge: I am a bit surprised that we had an origins story that did not feature the sensei. Maybe that is for the next flashback episode next season.
You can stream current episodes on Hulu. You can also download Revenge on iTunes.
Community: Didn’t they already do a clip show that wasn’t a real clip show before? Although I get a sense that we got a glimpse of the series finale with everyone being a part of a mental institute. You know the ending is going to be some sort of head trip (assuming they get a proper ending). And somehow insane Annie managed to be hotter than regular neurotic Annie.
You can stream current episodes on Hulu. You can also download Community on iTunes.
Big News of the Week: Britney Spears to Judge a Singing Competition: Excuse me until I stop laughing. Seriously, how can you fire Paula Abdul and one of The Pussycat Dolls and replace them with one of the few singers out there that is actually a worse singer. And calling Britney Spears a singer is a bit generous because no one has heard her sing live in probably over a decade so she is basically a lip-syncing dancer. And even that is a bit generous because her last public performance, the 2007 Video Music Awards, she did not even bother to lip-sync most of the time. Sure Spears will not be the first karaoke judge with nominal singing ability (I am looking at you Jennifer Lopez) but at least J-Lo can form full sentences, Spears does not even have the mental capacity to get through an entire interview unless it is scripted before hand, how is she going to handle live television? The X-Factor was a joke last season and managed to be a bigger joke in its second season with this announcement. If you wanted credibility, how about throwing the $15 million dollars at someone that can actually sing and still sell music (last year’s Femme Fatal has yet to even pass the million sold mark) like Adele? I’d tune in for that. The only people Britney Spears can attract these days are fans of train wreck television, but she will likely scare off more people than she attracts. The X-Factor is already third in the karaoke genre and with the premiere of Duets later this month, which like The Voice boasts actual credible singers, could be pushed to fourth even with the biggest prize and highest paid judge. Which may mean its final season unless they pick up viewiers.
Preview Picture of the Week:
Grant’s Last Day on Ghost Hunters
Free Download of the Week: Stay – Sara Bareilles (SaraBMusic.com): Get a song from the upcoming album for the low, low price of free, but there is a small catch that you have to share the offer on either Facebook or Twitter.
Video of the Week: After starting off as one of the guiltiest pleasures ever in the history of television, Pretty Little Liars got a bit tedious but starting picking up again when they announced A would be revealed at the end of last season. But everybody learning Mona was A was just the beginning. Mona hinted at a biggest conspiracy (I assuming when she told Spencer she could join “The A-Team” was not just a reference to the awesome show) and do not forget that Maya met her untimely demise in the finale too. The new season starts in less than a month and ABC has released its first promo.
Next Week Pick of the Week: Survivor, Sunday (tomorrow) at 8:00 on CBS: How apropos that Mother’s Day would feature an all female final five on Survivor. Sure it would have been even more apropos is any of them were actual mothers. Kim is in the driver’s seat playing both alliances remaining. Will she go with Alicia and Christina and the easier win, or her original alliance of Chelsea and Sabrina, both that could easily siphoned jury votes from her? Or will the four girls realize she is playing both sides and blind side her? Should make for an interesting finale. But not nearly as interesting as whatever Kat has install for the final three as the last Tribal Council.
Speaking of Kat. Once they get to the jury portion of the show, Survivor uploads a video every week of the latest jury member going to the Ponderosa, where Jury members hang out until it is Tribal Council time. Usually they are boring with the latest booted contestant weighing themselves, taking a shower and binge eating. If you are lucky you may get an uncomfortable reunion with someone who turned on their alliances like last season when Cochran had to face the former tribemates he got voted out. Then Kat got voted out last week. I cannot put into words how awesome it is but it is the first time I can remember them breaking out the Survivor Psychologist. Trust me, watch it below, this will be the best six minutes you spend today. And after you are done watching be sure to bug Jeff Probst until he lets Kat back for another season.
I have gotten a plethora of cool press releases have been flooding my inbox recently that you may find interesting. This post will include blurbs on the Cougar Town, Deon Cole's Black Box, Who Gets the Last Laugh, True Blood, America's Got Talent, NPR, Monday Mornings, Veep, Aim High, The Borgias, The Gramblers, Sister Wives, and Redbook.
- I have some bad news / good news for Cougar Town fans. The bad news is that the show will not be on the ABC schedule when the network announces its fall lineup next week. The good news is the show did get picked up by TBS who also secured the rights to the first three season of the show. The fourth season will air early in 2013 but no word on if the network change will come with a much needed title change.
- And TBS keeps on adding show because it also greenlit two other shows. Deon Cole’s Black Box featuring the Conan player. And Who Gets the Last Laugh where two comedians that are pitted against each other in the ultimate prank challenge from the guys that brought you Punk’d. Also look for both shows in early 2013.
- True Blood returns next month and HBO has recently released a bunch of posters hyping the return, one of which you can check out below:
- America’s Got Talent returns Monday and for those not already sick of all the Howard Stern commercials on NBC, here is another one:
- Net Wednesday at 3:00 Buzz Bissinger (you know the guy who wrote the Friday Night Lights book) and Malcolm Gladwell will debate Tim Green and Jason Whitlock on whether or not to ban college football on NPR stations nationwide.
- TNT has greenlit Monday Mornings, a powerful new series from award-winning producer David E. Kelley (Ally McBeal, Chicago Hope) and practicing neurosurgeon and CNN chief medical correspondent Dr. Sanjay Gupta, M.D., on whose book the series is based. The medical drama stars Ving Rhames (Pulp Fiction), Alfred Molina (Spider-Man 2, TNT's The Company), Jamie Bamber (Battlestar Galactica), Jennifer Finnigan (Better with You), Bill Irwin (CSI: Crime Scene Investigation), Keong Sim (Glee), Sarayu Rao (Lions f or Lambs), and Emily Swallow (TNT's Southland).
- HBO released another deleted scene from the previous episode of Veep which you can check out below:
- Warner Bros. recently announced that its digital series Aim High starring Jackson Rathbone and produced by McG will be back for a second season. No word on when the season will hit the internets but you can watch the entire first season on its Facebook page.
- Fans of Showtime’s The Borgias rejoice because the show has been picked up for a third season.
- The Gramblers has been racking up some YouTube views recently with their Van Sessions and recently talked to The Daily about their covers like the recently uploaded Easy by The Commodores.
- Of course Sister Wives is returning on Mother’s Day. The show returns for its third season this Sunday at 9:00 on TLC.
- Bravo’s Andy Cohen is throwing a 80’s prom-themed special on SiriusXM Tuesday May 22 from 7:00-8:30 on SiriusXM Book Radio ch.80 to celebrate the release of his memoir Most Talkative.
- The stars of What to Expect When You’re Expecting, Jennifer Lopez, Elizabeth Banks, Brooklyn Decker, and Anna Kendrick are covering this month’s Redbook cover. And like most guys, I’m expecting to avoid this movie.
![Terror Alert Level: High [ORANGE]](https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhebDZ0qqwOVKMZj7oFSUe8Hm3ax54U9Hp1fThJPgiddTyzcdwx_5SV6E3b7hkKyxbaDiym4COmUXT2YJnsKCUjBHI_a2xZtNoY7qFQRslP5AGO5gLkJwn2ZbO0wIF80ycbKrgPPA/s400/small_high.png)
on my Terror Alert Scale.
![Terror Alert Level: Elevated [YELLOW]](https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6-iVFV0hXCTSYP16K_V0Rrxp3GqFrtBIJKeTUyQ2LpxZQ9XKHFj6QGtqqa7oxhLadLV8vUj8R84AftD8IKUSfN0u_u0CYDtJwhrpCPN2DBWquAIDv0jbVlhZL0mDFKlPKluGyxw/s400/small_elevated.png)
on my 
’s ode to the time period in gaming was much better with its live action homage. And it is odd that they ended the season not with the epic heist episode but the more low key (or as low key as an episode with an evil doppelganger trying to hack off someone’s arm can be) trail episode especially since they just did a Law and Order episode not too long ago. It was like the season 
vanquished the Big Bad in the penultimate episode and spent the finale dreaming about cheese.
- John Mayer
. But I do like creator Shawn Ryan (
), Autumn Reeser (
), and Jessy Schram (
), features a recurring Robert Patrick (
) it does have the coolest premise: a nuclear submarine the refuses an order to take out Pakistan and becomes a rogue nation with its own nuclear weapon to keep them safe. Of course because of all that and its Thursday at 8:00 timeslot (which has been the ABC death slot since Ugly Betty stated to tank about four years ago), Vegas will probably put the Over / Under of episodes at 5.
as a doctor. I also give this show five episodes (it is going up against established comedy 
, 
. Is it too late to recast her with Julie Taylor?
career: Twenty Good Years (four episodes), Welcome to the Captain (five episodes), 
(Justified, Game of Thrones, Midnight in Paris)
- Meiko
got a bit tedious but starting picking up again when they announced A would be revealed at the end of last season. But everybody learning Mona was A was just the beginning. Mona hinted at a biggest conspiracy (I assuming when she told Spencer she could join “The A-Team” was not just a reference to the awesome show) and do not forget that Maya met her untimely demise in the finale too. The new season starts in less than a month and ABC has released its first promo.
.