The Game Is Afoot Jeff

Back during the first episode of Survivor: One World when the one chick broke her wrist and Probst gave the guys a choice to either take the win or continue the challenge with the girls short a player and I warned the guys, do not anger the Survivor Gods by taking the cheap win and lo and behold, three month later, the most despicable of the guys had to be medically evacuated, they voluntarily gave away immunity (strike two for the Survivor Gods), and all the guys that made the merge are sitting on the jury while the women made up the final five contestants.

If there was one dude who angered the Survivor Gods more than the other dudes it was Colton Cumbie. I never thought I would hate a contestant on the show more than I hated Russell Hantz but Colton managed to slither under the very low bar. He called the first little person on the show every offensive name you could think of, the called the lone black dude ghetto trash to hi face while telling another contestant she might as well jump into the fire so she did not have to wait to be voted off. That must have been the final straw for the Survivor Gods because he could vote off Christa Cha, he had to be air listed off the show with appendicitis like symptoms. Hopefully he never gets asked back (but I unfortunately would not put my money on never seeing him again).

But as horrible as Colton was, Kat Edorsson was oppositely awesome. Quite possibly the dumbest person ever to play Survivor, everything that came out her mouth was a gem (well expect for her constant burping) like the post-appendicitis discussion. And Kat just had to go out with a bang after giving a long winded speech in her signature hoodie about how awesome blindsides are, only to be blindsided a minute later leading to the single greatest Ponderosa episode ever. Everyone should bug Jeff Probst until he lets Kat back on the show.

Poor Greg “Tarzan” Smith, on any other season the plastic surgeon would have been the breakout star of the season but had to play second fiddle to Kat. He even went with they if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em philosophy by donning Kat’s tank top and bikini bottoms on his head right before his elimination. And that was not even his most entertaining moment. That had to be either when he confronted Chelsea Meissner who he thought harbored ill will against him because she did not think her plastic surgeon did a good job with her new breasts or when he told the tribe he had an affection that kept him from learning other people’s names just moments before having to jot down someone’s name at Tribal Council. Seriously, as much as I hated Redemption Island, I would not mind if they brought it back just so we had a Kat vs. Tarzan season. Or at least do an All Star season of Morons vs. Masterminds.

With all the colorful characters this season, it was the most even keel that ended up winning. Kim Spradlin rolled over everyone all season. I thought it would have been wiser to take Alicia and Christina to the end but in the end it did not really matter because she still won in a landslide. I was a bit surprised Sabrina got all the not-Kim votes instead of Chelsea. But that was not even close to being surprising as Kat being profound during the Final Tribal Council.

Survivor: One World gets a on my Terror Alert Scale. You can stream recent episodes over at cbs.com. You can also download Survivor on iTunes.

As mentioned above, with Kat and Tarzan this season it got me thinking that the next All-Star season of Survivor should be Morons vs. Masterminds. I even have suggestions of who should make up the cast:


Morons
Jamie Dugan (China)
James Clement (China)
Erik Reichenbach (Fans vs. Favorites)
Shannon “Shambo” Waters (Samoa)
Jane Bright (Nicaragua)
Philip Sheppard (Redemption Island)
Natalie Tenerelli (Redemption Island)
Brandon Hantz (South Pacific)
Kat Edorsson (One World)
Greg “Tarzan” Smith (One World)

Masterminds
Richard Hatch (Borneo)
Rob Cesternino (Amazon)
Sandra Diaz-Twine (Pearl Islands)
Cirie Fields (Panama)
Parviti Shallow (Cook Islands)
Todd Herzog (China)
Stephen Fishbach (Tocantins)
Sophie Clarke (South Pacific)
Colton Cumbie (One World)
Kim Spradlin (One World)