Warning: Parental Advisory

Ever walk out of a movie and thought, how did that garner a PG-13 rating when it drops a couple F-Bombs. How many F-Bombs is too many before it gets bumps up to an R rating? That is the basic premise of This Film Is not Yet Rated, a documentary where Kirby Dick (I won’t point out the irony that the dude behind figuring out the ratings system is named Dick) tries to figure out how the Motion Picture Association of America (MPAA) comes up with their basis on which films get which ratings and an even harder task, who exactly is on the board that gives out the ratings.

The second is the much more interesting part of the film as Dick hires a private investigator team to track down these raters that are hidden in secrecy. These segments have a distinct Veronica Mars feel to it as the investigators involves one of their moderately attractive daughter to help out with clerical work and the occasional field work where it would be easier for an attractive young woman to gain access. But in a very un-Ronnie way, the mother daughter team is on the case over a month. And the hypocrisy of the raters remaining anonymous is that head of the MPAA, Jack Valenti, has stated the secrecy is to keep them from being pressures, but they are in constant contact with movie studios, the very ones that would have the most to gain from influencing the raters.

The other part looks at the inequalities between how certain films are rated featuring interviews with filmmakers that had there own wars with the ratings board including John Waters (A Dirty Shame), Kevin Smith (Jersey Girl), and Matt Stone (South Park). First is how Independent films are rated compared to one from the major studios. Keep in mind the MPAA are made up of members from the big six studios formed to advance the interest of the studio. So a major studio movie like Basic Instinct can show Sharon Stone in all her glory and get an R yet the independently released The Cooler gets an NC-17 for showing parts of Maria Bellow that is usually covered by undergarments. If you show heterosexual intercourse, you can get an R (well depending on the number of thrusts which leads to a funny montage in the documentary), but if it is two dudes: NC-17.

But the biggest argument, one that has been going on for decades, is how violent acts can get a PG-13. So in the mind of the MPAA, you can kill as many people, but as long as there is no blood it is okay. There is something significantly wrong with that yet the MPAA decides ignore all the psychological reports on how it violent images effect kids because they make more money off of PG-13 movies than R rated ones, which is the main reason they created PG-13 back in 1984 to get better box office revenue from Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom.

The highlight of the film is when Dick himself submitted This Movie Is Not Yet Rated into the ratings board and of course got slapped with the NC-17 rating. This led to an appeals possess which is shrouded in as much secrecy as the original rating process. Once you get to this point of the documentary it is not surprising that the appeal was rejected, although getting the ruling overturned never looked like Dick’s goal of the appeals process.

I’m actually a big proponent of censorship as it spawns creativity. But it is obvious that the current system for rating movies is broken. The biggest problem is that the movies are being rated by the very system that makes the movies which sets up a big conflict of interest. Second is the lack of general guidelines and since raters are changed out occasionally, you run the risk of movies that could get different rating depending on who the raters are at any given time. It may be time for someone to set up an independent ratings board as the lack of competition has led the MPAA rate on how things suit their interests.

The Film Is Not Yet Rated gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.

Just a Bit Outside

The DVD format has been around so long now that almost every movie has been released on it. But unfortunately there are a few movies that just get released and that’s it, no special features or anything. These are mostly older movies that wouldn’t have had much in the way of special features because there really wasn’t need for them back when they were released, but at the very least they could throw in the trailer for the movie on the disk. One of the more egregious examples was one of the greatest sports movies of all time; and this month’s induction into the Scooter Hall of Fame, Major League which has gotten two releases on DVD with a combined zero extras.

Well that is going to change as the movie is finally getting the special edition treatment with the release next week of Major League: Wild Thing Edition. And they didn’t skip on the extras either as you can expect an audio commentary from Commentary by Writer/Director David S. Ward and Producer Chris Chesser. There are also a couple featurettes including My Kinda Team which includes interviews with Charlie Sheen, Corbin Bernsen, Tom Berenger, Dennis Haysbert, and Bob Uecker, A Major League Look at Major League, and Bob Ueker: Just A Bit Outside. There is also an alternate ending, a tour of Cerrano's locker and the very lucrative photo gallery (has anyone actually looked at photo gallery included on a DVD?).

The movie itself hits close to home as a life long resident of Northeast Ohio who, back in 1989, had never seen the Cleveland Indians end higher than sixth. In fact even my parents couldn’t remember the last time the team had a winning record. What’s worse, in retrospect, was the storyline of a team moving out of Cleveland thanks to an evil owner actually came to fruition less than a decade later thanks to evil Art Modell and the horrible coaching job of Bill Belichicken.

But enough about the Browns. Watching Major League is a trip down memory lane for me because I lived with the Tribe losing so much that I actually preferred the team back then compared to the team of the nineties when they brought in hired thugs like Joey “corked bat” Bell and Robbie” I spit on umpires” Alomar. I even remember as a child seeing Greg Swindell’s first major league start where he gave up seven earned runs on no outs. For those keeping track at home, that’s an ERA of infinity. Those were good time.

The fake Indians were just as pitiful leading the team’s owner to bring in a bunch of has been’s and never were’s to try out for the team (sounds suspiciously how they cast Dancing with the Stars) in hopes that they will be so bad the team can move to Florida. The team is anchored by Tom Berenger (Eddie and the Cruisers), a catcher with chronic knee problems and had spend the last couple years in the Mexican League. But I guess that is more respectable than Charlie Sheen (Two and a Half Men), a pitcher with a lot of speed and little command, who came from the California Penal League. Then there is Corbin Bernsen (LA Law) as an athlete we see way too often these day, the one that doesn’t try as he bides his time until free agency.

The movie also a few unknowns who because breakout stars thanks to their roles including Wesley Snipes (Demolition Man) who ungraciously didn’t return for the sequel as the brash centerfielder who had a penchant for popping out. Also in her first major role was Rene Russo (The Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle) as the token hot chick and love interest for Berenger. Then there is Dennis Haysbert who would go on to become president and Allstate pitchman, but, along with Jobu, stole every seen in Major League with his voodoo antics. But no one stole the movie more than former baseball player Bob Uecker (Mr. Belvedere) who has reverted to drinking while doing commentaries on the games.

As great as the movie is, the film has actually Also had a lasting impact on Major League Baseball as it become common place for relief pitchers to come to the mound with accompanying music just like Sheen did in the film with The Troggs’ Wild Thing (as performed by X in the film). The film also introduced that song to an all new generation including myself. So I’ll definitely be picking up the DVD on the 10th and hope to see you in line. Now hopefully a fully loaded Major League II DVD won’t be far behind.

57 Channels and Only This Is On vol. XIII

Quote of the Week: RAZZLE DAZZLE!!! (Nikki - Lost)

Song of the Week: Read My Mind (Like Rebel Diamonds Mix) - The Killers (Friday Night Lights)

Big News of the Week: ABC.com Finally Goes Full Scene: Well, sort of. ABC.com was easily the worst network that offered streaming of their episodes. Their “Big” screen didn’t live up to its title and even though I on a cable line, it sometimes wouldn’t go Big saying I didn’t have the bandwidth and it was a pain if you wanted to skip to a certain scene. But there was something on Lost that I wanted to re-watch and noticed that they have a brand new player that offers Full Screen. So I disagree with ABC’s definition of Full Screen but it is at least bigger than Big. In addition to streaming some of their shows, there is also an internet only show, Voicemail. I haven’t had time to check it out yet, but you can head over to its Official Site and it even has its own MySpace page. You know what else is still available for streaming, The Knights of Prosperity. If you haven’t done so yet, go over to check out the funniest new show of the season over at ABC.com.

Friday Night Lights: After teasing all season with conversations that lasted about a word we finally got a bunch of great Tyra and Landry scenes. It may be time to do one of those extremely lame name mash-ups: Tandry? Landra? Okay, maybe not. But when it comes down to it, this episodes wasn’t just one of the best episodes of Friday Night Lights, it was easily one of the top five best episodes of any show this season. And to be honest the reason why Friday Night Lights didn’t get the coveted Quote of the Week was because I couldn’t decide which my favorite was this week. Really anything between Tyra and Landry, Matt talking about Landry’s “date” or the Taylor’s in the cow pasture would have been worthy. In the action department there was just something extremely jarring (in a good television kind of way) of the juxtaposition of the final moments of the game and the attempted rape. And as an added bonus to an already great episode we get Lyla handling a gun, you really can’t get hotter than that.

I was a little disappointed that Lyla going demolition derby on her dad’s showroom last week wasn’t mentioned at all. You got to imagine there should have been some major fallout from that. Maybe it will be picked up later. And having them playing Voodoo in the state finals sets up a lose-lose situation for the season finale. If the team loses then there is the disappointment that the chump Voodoo gets a ring. And if the Panthers win, then there will be nothing to strive for in a second season. Although I wonder where the second season will start off (I refuse to think there won’t be a second season), will it focus on the football off-season or will it fast forward to the start of the next season? Or could we be following Coach Taylor to college?

Anyway, Mud Bowl goes right into the hunt for best episode of the year with Spit and Eggs, Mars Bars, The Wrap Party, The Christmas Show, Our Cops Are On, and Company Man (did I miss anything?). Check out the latest episode over at NBC.com.



Lost: What better way to make up for an episode so inane that saying it jump the shark would be too nice than to start of an episode featuring a nominally hot chick wearing very little clothes on a fake show about strippers that fight crime that features Billy Dee Williams. This episode could easily be the most entertaining episode of the last two seasons. Well in a so bad it’s good kind of way as the episode had a very B-movie feel to it. And the island flash backs had a Saturday Night Live skit with throwing characters we know weren’t there but drops them in there thanks to some blue screening.

Yeah, the episode sputtered at the end especially with the completely useless Not-Henry/Juliet sighting. They seriously trekked across the island just to watch the monitor for less than a minute and they just happen to leave their walkie-talkie. And despite overhearing their intentions to kidnap Jack, Sawyer, and Kate, Paulo didn’t bother to warn them. But it was good to see Arnst and the token hot chick back again. Although I wonder what was with the absence of Michael and Walt? Did the writers just completely leave them out or did one or both of the actors turned down returning?

And I was surprised that everyone is assuming that Nikki and Paulo are dead. Nikki said that the paralysis would wear off in eight hours about eight hours before they were buried and we saw Nikki open her eyes at the end. Really, would them clawing themselves out of their graves be any less plausible than Locke surviving being pushed out a eight story window onto concrete? And it was Locke who said earlier in the episode that things don’t stay buried on the island. Check out the latest episode over at ABC.com.



Survivor: Is it wrong that I was disappointed that no one almost set themselves on fire like Brandon back in Africa? More importantly, is it wrong that I still remember something that happened way back in the Africa season? And it looks like they are going to have the tree person finale again as Jeff mentioned that Rocky was the first member of the jury. I was really hoping they wouldn't do that again. Maybe the worst idea in Survivor history. Check out the latest episode on Innertube.



Promo of the Week: Tomorrow marks one month until we finally get a new Veronica Mars episode on May 1st so below is the promo for that episode. Seriously, what is better than Ronnie handling a paintball gun? And don’t forget to vote for Veronica Mars at the SOS Poll, there is only one week until the voting period ends.



Pick of the Week: Friday Night Lights, Wednesday, 8:00, NBC: After a five star episode hopefully next week’s episode can continue that tradition as we will hopefully see more Tyra and Landry interaction with the fallout over the attempted rape, see the boys start preparing for the state championship, and it looks like Coach Taylor has made a decision on if he is going to accept the college job offer. And maybe we will finally see the fallout at the Garrity house over Lyla’s bumper car incident.

Download the latest episodes on Amazon Unbox which you can watch on your Tivo DVR's:

Welcome Me Back Like Kotter

There is no greater moment in the history of Cribs then when Redman demonstrated how you had to rub two wires together to make is doorbell ring. Okay, that may be the only great moment in the history of the worthless series. But what I’m getting at is that in a genre where everyone acts and talks exactly the same Redman is the rare original. He’s always good for a classic verse whenever he shows up on someone else’s song (see Christina Aguilera’s Dirrty) or when he working with a super group like Def Squad. But he was at his best when he paired up with Method Man going back and forth on Blackout!

But that album was released eight years ago and it’s been six years since his last solo album. In the interim, he teamed up with Method Man in other mediums including movies (How High), on the television (Method and Red, yet another great show Fox axed hitting double digit number of episodes) and even were a featured tag team in the video game Def Jam: Vendetta. Finally Redman is back to doing what he does best, and I’m not talking about starting in Chucky slasher flick, no, I’m talking about his new album Red Gone Wild.

On the album, Reggie Noble continues to show his wry humor and love of similes. But the album suffers from being uneven at points with the runtime being way too long at almost an hour and fifteen minutes. Not even the best rappers can fill an album that long with all bangers. The unevenness can also be attributive to the number of different producers that show up, fourteen to be exact, on the twenty different tracks. Surprisingly both Timbaland and his current feud partner Scott Storch both show up behind the boards. Needless to say Timbaland’s track Put it Down was the winner of the two songs on the album.

Had Redman trimmed the fat down to about the regulation fifty minutes, he would have had a pretty decent album. He is at his best when surrounds himself with friends most notably on the best track Walk in Gutta with his Def Squad buddies Erick Sermon and Keith Murray and legend Biz Markie providing the hook. But I wonder if The Funk Doc was at all upset that Keith had the best line on the track, “We get drunk and tongue kiss (expletive deleted) like Flavor Flav”. Similarly Snoop Dogg’s line “I’m the black Jack Tripper” on Merry Jane. But that doesn’t mean Red doesn’t deliver classic lines elsewhere on the album, but you will have to check out the album to hear them.

Song to Download - Walk in Gutta

Red Gone Wild gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.

You Had a Bad Day, You're Taking One Down

Ugg, it's just one of those days where you just want to cue up that cheesy Bad Day song and put it on repeat. I was planning a proper post for today but spent to much time studying for a quiz that I'll be happy to get credit for getting my name right. And if my posts become sporadic over the next week it is because I have a test in the same class and need to make up for the goose egg I laid today plus another test in my other class. The one bright spot to my day is I came across a trailer on YouTube for a movie that looks like will be the greatest movie in cinematic history. Check it out:



On a side note, when do I get my own production company where I can hire Jessica Biel to star opposite of me and grab her breasts? (And to any movie studios out there, yes I have a script.)

The Best of R.E.M.

For long time readers to the 9th Green know I love making mix tapes. A subset to this is my Best Of series. I routinely make my own because inevitably they leave off some of my favorite songs on Greatest Hits packages (the worst offender being I’m on Fire being left off of Bruce Springsteen’s). A couple years back I made one for recent Rock and Roll Hall of Fame inductee R.E.M. and here is the track list to the CD. This CD comes in at 76:56.


1. Fall on Me - Life’s Rich Pageant (1986)
2. The One I Love - Document (1987)
3. It’s the End of the World as We Know It (And I Feel Fine) - Document (1987)
4. Stand - Green (1988)
5. Pop Song 89 - Green (1988)
6. Orange Crush - Green (1988)
7. Losing My Religion - Out of Time (1991)
8. Radio Song (with KRS-One) - Out of Time (1991)
9. Man on the Moon - Automatic for the People (1992)
10. Drive - Automatic for the People (1992)
11. Find the River - Automatic for the People (1992)
12. Everybody Hurts - Automatic for the People (1992)
13. Nightswimming - Automatic for the People (1992)
14. Strange Currencies - Monster (1994)
15. You - Monster (1994)
16. What’s the Frequency, Kenneth? - Monster (1994)
17. At My Most Beautiful - Up (1998)
18. Bad Day - In Time: The Best of R.E.M. (2003)
19. The Outsiders (with Q-Tip) - Around the Sun (2004)


If one of your favorite songs of the band is missing feel free to comment on what you would add and or subtract. But be warned, if you suggest Shiny Happy People, you run the risk of being publicly mocked.

Baby You Can't Drive My Car

The first thing I do when I fire up my computer everyday is check out my Bloglines subscriptions and very rarely is there a title that makes me laugh, but when I opened up my ESPN there was the headline Comedian Griffin Wrecks $1.5M Ferrari at Track. Why I found this funny, I’m not sure, but at least he wasn’t hurt so I really didn’t have to feel bad for laughing. But the humor doesn’t stop there, if you open the story, the big block quote for the article is Eddie Griffin saying, “Undercover Brother's good at karate and all the rest of that, but the brother can't drive.” Whenever anyone evokes the third person about themselves is comic gold, and is the may reason why I voted for Bob Dole, but Griffen brought out the unprecedented talking about himself in the third person using a past character. Scooter McGavin thinks that’s brilliant.

In the article, it was also mentioned that there was video footage showing the Ferrari Enzo crashing into a barricade, and Scooter McGavin thought to himself, “Please, oh, please let this footage be on YouTube. Low and behold after Scooter McGavin searched for it, there it was.




And as an added bonus, here’s another of Scooter McGavin’s favorite in recent memory with Peyton Manning’s United Way commercial from the most recent Saturday Night Live. Scooter McGavin’s favorite part is when he uses a kid to pick up a chick. Reportedly during the dress rehearsal, Manning took a stab at Tom Brady when a heckler said Brady had two more rings than him which Manning responded that rings aren’t the only thing Brady will have two more of (as in illegitimate kids). Hopefully that shows up on YouTube sometime, until then here’s the United Way sketch:

The Fight to the Famousest

Much like slowing down to check out a car crash, I feel oddly compelled to check out all the cheesy VH1 reality show. The granddaddy of them of course being The Surreal Life which had it start of the now defunct UPN but moved to Video Hits One that started the channel’s all reality most of the time scheduling philosophy. And like most reality shows that started earlier this decade, The Surreal Life finally got its own All-Stars edition in the form of The Surreal Life: Fame Games.

The ten Fame Gamers, as host Robin Leach liked to call them, were culled from all six seasons yet surprisingly didn’t include any of the past token reality contestant which every season features as they are the biggest fame mongers of them all. An even bigger surprise was that VH1 staple, Flavor Flav was nowhere to be found. Instead we get some of the more memorable housemates in the series history including Vanilla Ice, Brigitte Nielsen, and Chyna.

The contests themselves were pretty absurd with rules seem to shift and make little sense in the first place. But I guess the show was more about the journey than who actually win. The start of the show started with them dividing the contestants into “The A-List” and “The B-List” even though for many of them, being on “The B-List” would be an upgrade. This was a waste as they were haphazardly thrown back together on “The A-List” shortly after.

The judging for each contest was just as absurd especially when they had celebrity judges like when Kennedy was brought in to figure had the most famous friends with the lowest being eliminated in the only round that didn’t have a “Back to Reality” game to determine it. What was worse is they let Kathy Griffin solely decide who won the $100,000 prize, a prize that actually went to the winner, not charity unlike most celebrity edition. It is something sad that Traci Bingham was the actual winner.

Even though he didn’t win, Vanilla Ice remained the star of the show. It was guaranteed that every episode Ice would do something stupid. It was an added treat whenever he would do one in front of Robin just to see his “I didn’t know I would have to baby-sit during this gig” face. The silliest of his tirade is when he got caught in a gay homosexual scandal during the paparazzi challenge as if anyone would question his sexuality from looking at that picture. And he save the best for last when Ron Jeremy swore on his mother’s grave that he wouldn’t vote Ice to go home only to do just that. Classic. How soon until VH1 gives Ice his own demolition reality show?

The Surreal Life: Fame Games gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.

57 Channels and Only This Is On vol. XII

Quote of the Week: It’s not Rabbit-ussin, it’s Robitussin. (Julius, Everybody Hates Chris)

Song of the Week: Endless Love - Lionel Richie and Diana Ross (as sung by guest host Adam Sandler and Don Cheadle, The Late Show with David Letterman)

Big News of the Week: All the shows I watch are on the verge of being canceled: Last week I mentioned the cancellation rumors are already starting and now the “Save Our Shows” polls are popping up and wouldn’t you know it, almost every show I watch popped up on one poll including Friday Night Lights, How I Met Your Mother, Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip, Supernatural, and Veronica Mars. Head over to the webpage to vote. Now I’m not going to tell you to vote for Veronica Mars, but vote for Veronica Mars.

Pardon the Interruption: Here is one show I never miss. In fact I haven’t missed an episode since it premiered. Unfortunately Tony Kornheiser likes his reality show and three days a week we have to put up his lame American Karaoke ramblings. Another show he occasionally rambles on about is other show I avoid like the plague, Dancing with the Has Been’s and Never Were’s. I bring this up because they featured Apollo Anton Ono and more importantly his partner. If there were a reason why I’d watch that show it would be her. In fact if you know who she is or actually are her, shout me a holla.

How I Met Your Mother: I’m really hoping they break up Ted and Robin by the end of the season because the whole will they or won’t they end up together thing is getting tired considering we already know they aren’t ending up together. One thing not getting tired, Barney, his Top 10 was classic. Check out the latest episode on Innertube.

Friday Night Lights: Somewhat of a weak episode coming out of the hiatus aside from the boys night out at the high school. And I’m beginning to wonder if Riggins ever actually goes to school. Presumably if the kid has school, the high school would also been in session. But the episode did end with an “Oh, snap” moment when Lyla played demolition derby with her dad’s dealership. Check out the latest episode over at NBC.com.



Lost: Many point to an episode in season two where the show jumped the shark, for me it was when they killed off the token hot chick. But if the show jumped the shark back then, they need to find a completely new term for the latest episode. I’m not surew what was more inane, that Locke survive a eight story fall after being pushed through a window, Locke blowing up the submarine, or Locke’s father showing up on the island. For a comparison, if killing off the token hot chick was Britney Spears marring Kevin Federline, this past episode was Britney shaving her head. Oh and just when the show revealed the big secret that everyone already assume already last week with Jack and Claire being sibling, now how many seasons until we get the hyped, shocking revelation that the original Sawyer is Locke’s dad? Check out the latest episode over at ABC.com.



Survivor: Since the show was on Wednesday this week and I was already taping Friday Night Lights, I had to watch the episode online this week and the brain trust over at CBS.com decide to advertise that Anthony was going to be on Survivor Live ruining any suspense on who was getting voted out or winning immunity. Thanks guys. With that said, the immunity challenge has to go up there with one of the coolest in the show’s history and I would love to give that a try sometime. Check out the latest episode on Innertube.



Smallville: For those keeping track home, the three Zoners this season have been played by two WWF’ers and rapper Bow Wow. Think about that for a moment. And the Lana pregnancy takes another turn. Was Lex behind the miscarriage, and if so why? Hopefully we find out soon than later.

Don't forget to check out my review of The Loop 1.x: Exec by Day, Excess by Night.

Pick of the Week: Lost, Wednesday 10:00 ABC: Okay, so I didn’t care too much about the last episode but at least next week we get a Paulo/Nikki-centric episode. Wait, who are they again?

Exec by Day, Excess by Night

Since I have not watched anything on Fox since the series finale of Arrested Development, naturally I haven’t been up on the new shows that have debuted on the channel since. One such show is The Loop which I hadn’t heard of until someone was nice enough to send along a promotional copy of season one of the show. And since the first season only had seven episodes, it must be great because Fox doesn’t let quality shows get into the double digit number of episodes (see Firefly). The only problem with that is theory is on the package of DVD is a sticker saying the second season is coming soon. But that doesn’t necessarily mean that it will ever make to air as the network already cut the number of episodes and this is Fox so they could always burn the ones that have already been shot to run against the Opening Ceremony of the Olympics.

The show centers around Bret Harrison (Grounded for Life) who is straddling the line between work, where he is the youngest executive at the twelfth largest airline, and his life at home with his three roommates are still reveling in their mid-twenties party lifestyle. This leads to two basically different shows, the zany workplace type show with quirky co-workers (see Night Court) and friends hanging out at their apartment and favorite watering hole (see, well, Friends) with one working much better than the other.

The part that works is the time at work thanks mostly to Phil Baker Hall (Ghostbusters II) as Harrison’s boss who isn’t afraid to say what he means and never fails to make you laugh as well as Joy Osmanski as Harrison’s jaded secretary who is quick to remind anyone about her fancy degree and the irony that they are the same name. The weak link at the office though is Mimi Rogers (the first Mrs. Tom Cruise) as the token cougar who for some reason goes in-between trying to hook up with Harrison and making gay jokes about him in every other episode.

The other part of the show is something we have seen before, not too mention done better currently on How I Met Your Mother and no one has done a better job in expressing the post college life than Wonderfalls, but of course Fox canceled it. But anyways. At home, Harrison lives with his older brother, played by Eric Christian Olsen (Dumb and Dumberer) who averages about a new job per episode including three in the Pilot. Also living college friend and Harrison crush that, of course doesn’t know he does, Amanda Loncar. Rounding out the roommates is the very serviceable token hot chick Sarah Mason (7th Heaven) who works at the bar the group patrons.

The episodes are pretty hit or miss that run the gambit from thoroughly funny to something only a Fox audience would find funny for instance in the Pilot having Harrison change from his work clothes to his party one while driving which ends up being part of the opening credits (don’t try that at home kids) and text on the screen that mentions that Olen’s mother smoked herb while pregnant. The text, that shows up occasionally really has no purpose as for the most part it states the obvious. Well this is from Fox whose viewers need a game show to figure out if they are smarter than a fifth grader.

Sadly another negative is Harrison himself who is the least interesting character on the show which wouldn’t be so bad as Ted is the least interesting on How I Met Your Mother as well as Will and Grace from their show, but what makes thing worse is Harrison for some reason ends every sentence by having his voice go up two octaves.

In the end, with only seven episodes, the show is a good way to kill a lazy afternoon especially at the low cost of the DVD or just throw it into you favorite movie rental queue. Just don’t expect much in the way of extras on the disk as it only feature a short featurette just has the cast members going over the premise of the show. Although the disk does start off with your usual, “The views expressed in the commentaries…” yet I couldn’t actually find any commentaries anywhere. But I implore any fifth grader to actually find them. For those just interested in the token hot chick, just go straight to Tiger Express where she decides to dance whenever someone buys a certain drink of course leading to someone taking advantage of the situation and Bear Drop Soup where I only have one word: hot tub.

The Loop 1.x gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.

Don't Download These Videos vol. XII

There have been a couple of videos that have caught my eye lately so I though I’d give them some love since the death of Musical Television left a void for a forum on the art form so here they are courtesy of YouTube. I advise you to watch them before you read my reviews if you don’t want me to spoil things. If you are interested in buying the video through iTunes, click the title link (where available, if not the link goes to YouTube where you can watch the video in full screen). If you are interested in buying the song, look for a link in the analysis.

Trapped in the Drive-Thru - “Weird Al” Yankovic



The greatness that is R Kelly’s Trapped in the Closet is parody proof mainly because the opera is basically a parody upon itself so everyone who have tried to make a parody of it has failed. Well until now. Leave it up to the parody king “Weird Al” Yankovic to come up with the best try to date. Granted that doesn’t mean his version comes close to the original and could have done better job. First the narrator only takes on three different characters and he doesn’t split the song into chapters lie the original. But he does leave it on a cliffhanger so maybe we will get more someday. As for the video, it could have been much better had it been live action with Al playing all the different characters. That would have been classic.


Bump de Hump - Red Hot Chili Peppers



Seriously, how can you go wrong with the Red Hot Chili Peppers and Chris Rock? Well I guess only when you put the band in “ironic” grillz. The only thing that would be lamer is if they would have ironically claimed to be bringing SexyBack will wearing the grillz. Other than that this video is pretty cool with the Peppers playing Rock’s block party.


Say OK - Vanessa Hudgens



I just wanted to showcase this video to see if anyone can explain to me why Vanessa Hudgens is wearing one of the drive thru mikes along with a hand held mike. What makes that combo odder is I wouldn’t be all surprised if she’s pulling a Milli Vanilli. With that said, I actually find the song entertaining.


In other news, a melancholy happy trails to Calvert DeForrest, better known as Larry “Bud” Melman. I have been a long time Letterman fan and it was always great whenever Bud would show up. My favorite was whenever Letterman would hype for the first part of the show a big A-lister like George Clooney would be reading the Top 10, only for Bud to come out. Below is a classic appearance:

She Hides in the Melody

What better way for a teenage girl to reintroduce herself than with a soliloquy from footballer Vinnie Jones. Um, yeah, okay. Of course we Americans would call him a soccer player best known for his hilarious turn in Eurotrip. Joss Sone named her latest album the Introducing of Joss Stone because as she says the album is the first that is “truly her,” granted I though she was saying pretty much the same thing about her last album after debuting with an album of cover songs. But anyways.

Even though the album is supposed to reintroduce us to Joss Stone, the album doesn’t sound that different from her past album with Joss goring through neo-soul and Motown era R&B tracks with Aretha Franklin type vocal gymnastics. The biggest changes happened behind the scene. First, unlike her last album that sported seven different producers, there are only two credited on the latest outing, Stone and Raphael Saadiq.

With Saadiq being a master of neo-soul (some credit him as starting the trend), the blame most likely fall on the shoulders of Stone herself as the songs tend too far into the hip-hop genre making the songs sound like all the other bland pop songs littering the radio these days. Maybe a little worse as some of the song fall flat in places. The hip-hop flavor is sometime saved by masters of the genre like Common on Tell Me What We’re Gonna Do Now and Lauryn Hill even comes out of hiding for Music, giving a much more inspired verse than the much ignored Fugees reunion song.

The other big change is that Joss took complete reigns of writing the songs, which in this case is not a good thing. Joss is an incredible singer but much like the karaokers on American Idol, her strength is not creating melodies on her own and does a much better job when she has a template to work off of. So much like post-Idol albums where the karaokers have to sing their own songs, Introducing Joss Stone fall flat, albeit Joss’s voice does save thing a little unlike the karaokers who are unable to get a record contract without appearing on a reality show. Maybe it time too think about hooking up with ?uestlove for a second Soul Session.

Song to Download - Arms of My Baby

Introducing Joss Stone gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.

Coming Home

Today marks the fourth anniversary of combat in Iraq and I’m sure everyone has seen the numbers so I won’t reprint them here, and if you haven’t seen the numbers, it’s time to trade in your subscription to US Weekly for Newsweek. I really don’t want to get into the debate over troop withdrawal and troop surge. I’m sure no matter what side of the political spectrum you lie on, you are hoping that all are troops return home safely. Recently I have been listening a lot to John Legend’s latest album, Once Again, and stuck at the end, after almost an hour of love songs, is the moving song Coming Home about a soldier stuck in the middle of the war. I did a YouTube search and there were a couple of tributes to the troops using the song as a backdrop. Here was the first one on the list and I would like to send it out to all the troops in harms way; hopefully you’ll be coming home safe:

I Ain't No Hood, No Crook, No Robber

Back in 2000, Musiq Soulchild rode the wave of neo-soul with the likes of Jill Scott, D’Angelo but straddled the line between old and new with songs like Just Friends (Sunny) where you could play at any house party, Love which could have fit in well with heyday of soul in the seventies, and Halfcrazy, a song they you just want to put on when you are all alone with the repeat on when going through relationship problems. But after releasing three albums in just over three years, Musiq went on hiatus for four year, in the interim; he brought back the Souldchild surname which dropped for his third album.

Musiq is back not a moment too soon as the R&B genre has been overtaken by raunchy lyrics and over exaggerated hip hop beats. His fourth album Luvanmusiq is much like his predecessors where the singer effortlessly goes between new and old school. As for the new there is B.u.d.d.y. which may be this first song from Musiq that could fit in at a club as it has a very danceable feel to it. But the highlight of the newer sound is Betterman (not a Pearl Jam cover) produced by Raphael Saadiq with it’s driving bass line that will make you either bob your head or clap along, possibly both, and heartfelt lyrics from Musiq himself, who wrote all the album aside from a co-writing credit from Ne-Yo on Ms.philadelphia.

For those who like to kick it old school, head towards the end of the album with Lullaby and Greatestlove along with Thequestions earlier in the album. These two songs that you will want to put on when you are with your special love whether it is in front of the fireplace in the winter or underneath the stars on your porch in the summer. With the return of Musiq, and the rise of John Legend and Anthany Hamilton, hopefully we are on the verge of another neo-soul era that will make the radio safe for those that prefer romantic songs over the sleazy ones.

Song to Download - Betterman

Luvanmusiq gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.

57 Channels and Only This Is On vol. XI

Quote of the Week: People ask, are we ready for a black president.? Why not, we just had a (expiative deleted) one. (Chris Rock, Late Night with Conan O’Brien) 

Song of the Week: You Could Be Happy - Snow Patrol (Smallville) 

Big News of the Week: Look at all these rumors, surrounding me everyday, I just need some time, some time to get away. It seems like every year the “who will get another season and who won’t” discussion starts earlier and earlier. It got into full swing this week as someone posted that Veronica Mars was canceled. That was then retracted minutes later but that didn’t stop people from thinking the show wasn’t coming back for a fourth season. 

Now I fully understand that Veronica Mars is definitely on the bubble, but I have a hard time believing someone who writes in the “gossip” section of an internet site. Making me believe even less was the “Exclusive!” tag in front of the post. Whenever I see exclusive anywhere, I usually take it to mean, “I wanted to be the first even though it may not be true.” There in lies what is wrong with all these gossip writers, they care more about being first than being right. This individual gossiper is one of the worst as they have been wrong when it comes to executive decisions than right yet there is no accountability. Nor do we ever know who the “sources” are. Not only do we not know who the sources are, we don’t even know why they are reliable. 

Of course this begs the question how some that is wrong so many times have “reliable” sources. Now onto a rumor that I actually hope is true. Word from a just as unreliable source as the one who “broke” the Veronica Mars story is that Knights of Prosperity may actually get a second season despite being unceremoniously pulled from the schedule two weeks ago. This unreliable source says the head honcho over at ABC loves the show so much they will give the show a second chance hoping that it will pick up viewers in the second much like The Office. Keep in mind this is from a completely unreliable source, but if this is true, ABC should keep in mind that in that second season, The Office has the hilarious My Name Is Earl as a lead in so they better have something great in the pipe to help the Knights of Prosperity find an audience and I’m not talking about the proposed Caveman show and definitely keep it away from In Case of Emergency, According to Jim and the George Lopez Show. Even though it is still currently off the air, you can still stream every episode of Knights of Prosperity over at ABC.com. 

Lost: A surprisingly solid episode this week considering I figured the “shocking connection” a year ago and hate the whole Desmond seeing into the future storyline. Like I predicted, Claire and Jack share the same father, leading to yet another castaway with daddy. But Claire was disturbingly attractive with the dark hair. And back on the island, Charlie lives another day. Yippee. But once again, the best part of the episode happened away from the beach as Locke is back to his ambiguous ways. Not entirely sure what his motive is with bring the C4. But more intriguing was that Eye Patch Man let it slip that Not-Henry isn’t “Him.” I’m still putting my money on Penny’s dad being the “Him” behind everything along with all the other daddies of the castaways leading back to the whole daddy issue thing. Check out the latest episode over at ABC.com.

Smallville: I’m totally surpised that the wedding went off as planned, I never thought Lana would go threw with it ever since they got engaged. But it was nice to see evil Lionel back in full force. I always thought that Lana wouldn’t actually come to term, but now I’m not so sure. But I am beginning to think that the big mystery behind her pregnancy is that she is a test subject for a biologically engineered meteor freak.

Pick of the Week: Bring it On: All or Nothing, Sunday, 8:00, ABCFamily: Okay so it is a slow week, but I got a press release along with some pictures for the movie which is apparently the third in the franchise, granted I totally missed the second. Those Heroes fans that like the show but are disappointed that Claire’s cheerleading team got disbanded and since stopped wearing her cheerleading outfit, this movie is for you as it stars Hayden Hayden Panettiere as, of course, a cheerleader. Also along for the ride is Beyoncé’s sister, Solonge Knowles as her rival. And for all of those missing Claire in her cheerleading outfit, below is a picture to tie you over (over at my sister site, Scooter McGavin Takes Pictures, you can view all the promo pictures I have including one I posted today that is most likely to get you visit from Chris Hansen) along with the press release:

 

BEFORE SHE HAD TO SAVE THE WORLD, TV’S HEROIC CHEERLEADER HAYDEN PANETTIERE HAD TO “BRING IT ON: ALL OR NOTHING” SMASH HIT DVD MAKES ITS BROADCAST DEBUT ON ABC FAMILY MARCH 25th The Film Also Stars Solange Knowles-Smith (“Johnson Family Vacation”)

Burbank, CA (February 26, 2007) — In the third film of the “Bring It On” series, the sassy yet spirited cheerleaders bust out with hotter moves, hotter music and hotter dance sequences when “Bring It On: All or Nothing” airs Sunday, March 25 (8:00 – 10:00 PM ET/PT). Life is good for Britney Allen (Hayden Panettiere), making her the envy of all girls at Pacific Vista High School. She’s beautiful, captain of the cheer squad, has the perfect boyfriend and is the front runner for homecoming queen. All comes to a halt when her father’s job moves them out of their posh neighborhood forcing Britney to join the squad of her rival, Crenshaw Heights High School. Despite Crenshaw Heights’ tough head cheerleader Camille (Solange Knowles-Smith), Britney proves to be a force to reckon with and secures a spot on the squad. Britney and her new squad work vehemently together to prepare their routine to audition for an opportunity to perform on television with pop star Rihanna (as herself). In a heated competition, Britney finds herself in a cheer-off between her new squad and old -- but only one can be #1!