You Turned Something so Good so Bad

Ladies and gentlemen, Ashlee Simpson finally has some competition to worst album of the year and her name is Lindsay Lohan who has just released her second album, A Little More Personal (Raw). For anyone who has had to wait in line at the supermarket and glance and the tabloid rags with Lohan dancing on table with the like of Tara Reid and Paris Hilton could easily tell that Lohan has daddy issues, but that didn’t keep Lohan from writing songs about it including the album opener, Confessions of a Broken Heart which lyrics sheets reads like a diary entry from the annoying moody chick in Middle School who just got grounded for the first time. To add to the agony, the song even stoops to the worst cliché in songwriting, ending the song with exactly the same line which started it. Okay, you’re waiting for the postman to bring you a letter, I get it. Maybe you should check your e-mail every once in a while too.

Thing don’t get much better from there. Where Ashlee Simpson at least sound like she has had some vocal training, not much, but at least some. But for the most of the album, Lohan hits almost every note as if she has never read sheet music before and that’s when she’s not screaming at notes why out of her range as if she was auditioning for Rock Star: Pantera. The only time she remotely comes close to reaching the right notes are on the already established cover song in Cheap Trick’s I Want You to Want Me which is the closest to entertaining that this album gets. And it’s only entertaining in the way a drunk chick singing the song at karaoke is entertaining, even Antonio Sabato Jr. was able to do a better version on But Can They Sing? Unfortunately her stab at Stevie Nick’s Edge of Seventeen failed miserable because, for some reason, she tried slutting the song up.

There is also a funny exchange at the beginning, where Lohan says, “No I like when people talk in the beginning of songs I think that kinda rad,” to which someone relies, “I don’t think you should use it.” I had to laugh because they should at least take out the dude because he was right and only made Lohan look foolish. Of all of her own songs, the only redeeming one is Who Loves You which wisely pumps up the techno beat while toning down Lohan’s vocals where she coos the title over and over. At least that is until the ending where she screams it only to coyly says, “Me” afterwards, but that just means it fits in well with the rest of the album.

Song to Download – Save your money, but if you enjoy wasting money feel free to donate to the “Scooter McGavin Is Poor” fund.

A Little More Personal (Raw) gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.

We on Award Tour - VH1 Big in 05 Awards

Vh1’s Big in (insert year) Awards have quickly become the most solid award shows even though it brings in less star power than the America Music Awards. And that could be the reason why, where other award shows have just become a vehicle for artists to promote their latest projects (I’m talking to you Video Music Awards), VH1 cares more about putting on a good show rather to pander to get stars. This year’s host, DL Hughley was entertaining enough to make anyone wonder why CBS picked the dude from Drew Carey to replace Craig Kilborn on the Late Late Show and why MTV still invites Jimmy Fallon back to host after bombing every time. Here are some other observations:

- The festivities starts off with a lame pre-show hosted by an extremely gay Ant and the not all that attractive chick from My Fair Brady. She actually won a modeling competition?

- During the pre-show they gave the Old School Triumph Award to INXS who dedicated the award to Michael Hutchence. I’m sure he’s thrill that you guys are trampling his legacy by doing a reality show to replace him.

- The Big show starts off with a Lost parody that was more entertaining than the show has been this season. Of course if the writer of Lost only had to fill five minutes, maybe it would be better.

- Ten years after becoming Playmate of the Year Jenny McCarthy is still hot as ever, granted she’s still as annoying too.

- Jessica Simpson for some reason wins the Big Stylin’ Awards. I have a feeling that VH1 stuffed the ballot box just so they could have her first post break up apperence. Then after she rambled threw her acceptance speech, including laughing at apparently at what she thought was a joke, I understood why Nick would let her go. I just hope he didn’t sign a pre-nup. Now I ain’t saying he’s a gold digger…

- The chicks from Laguna Beach seemed to get lost as they walked right in front of INXS to present them. And after seeing INXS perform with their new lead singer, I can’t believe this guy actually won. I didn’t watch a second of the show, but did everyone else actually suck worse than him. It’s like the chick from My Fair Brady winning a modeling contest. Get that dude a chorographer quick.

- Jeremy Piven rightly wins the Big Breakthrough Award even though I’ve been a fan since the PCU days.

- Kanye West wins the Big Entertainer Award and he was so big he didn’t bother showing up.

- Audioslave’s performance was cool but where was Tom Morello? Is this band breaking up already? Hopefully there won’t be a Rock Star:Audioslave.

- Hollaback Girl wins Big Download. Funny, I wouldn’t bother stealing this song let along spend .99 cents.

- All I got to say about Dancing with the Star Wars – classic. Funny than anything MTV has produced for their award shows in years.

- Again with the Gotti Boys? They make Paris Hilton celebrity look well deserved.

- Bo Bice Bice Baby wins Big Reality Star. Not bad for being a loser. Say hello to Justin (what’s his name?) in relative obscurity at the Big in 06 Awards.

- Peter Gallagher stoops low to introduce the Reality All-Star. I guess it’s a good thing that I didn’t recognize 90% of the singers. Unfortunately one I did recognize was Johnny Fairplay who is always unwatchable. Can he just overdose already and put us the viewer out of misery.

- Another person who just needs to go away – Kathy Griffin. Although her joke about Hilary Duff’s teeth sure got Lindsay Lohan laughing.

- Lohan then picks up the Big It Girl Award and makes some lame joke about the paparazzi. So let’s recap, she can’t act, can’t sing, can’t make a joke, and no longer has breasts – why exactly is she an It girl?

- But this lead to the best shot of the night as they showed the chick from Laguna Beach looking pissed that she didn’t win. Where’s the dude from The Real World who called out his roommate for thinking he was Ben Affleck even though he was only on a reality show.

- Best line of the night, “UPN has better ratings than George Bush”

- Hulk Hogan comes out and say, “do you wanna see big?” and proceeds to take off his shirt only to show us he has bigger breast that Lindsay Lohan.

- You know you a low on stars when you recruit someone from Entertainment Tonight to present, not that I have a problem with Maria Menonous, I just think they should be a law that she must always wear the dress she wore at the Oscars a couple years back.

- That Fall Out Boy just isn’t entertain without an appearance by the antler boy from the video. But I must admit of all the pseudo-punk bands that have replaced boy bands on the walls of Middle School girls in the last couple years, they suck the least.

- The best part of the show was actually a commercial for the upcoming show, Flavor of Love where Flavor Flav picks girls Bachelor style. This has to be good.

- The best dresriuption of Kelly Clarkson during the Big Music Artist, “She’s accessible like the girl who works at Subway kind of way but you don’t have to wash the samwich smell off of her.” Needless to say, I’d totally hit that.

- Of course the Big in 05 Awards ends with a performance by a band that hasn’t been big since 88. Um, yeah.

What Language Do You Speak if You Speak at All

Shakira came along during the Latin explosion of the late 90’s except unlike many who populated the genre, she wasn’t born and raised in the United States nor was English her first language. Her lack of experience in the language showed on her first English speaking album, Laundry Service, she made up in presentation and was much more experimental than the Latin pop of Jennifer Lopez or Ricky Martin whose songs all sounded alike.

After taking a couple years off, Shakira came back this year with two albums, back in July she released the Spanish language Fijacion Oral vol. 1 (translation Oral Fixation) that featured La Tortura, a song with so much sexual tension even American didn’t need a translation, and more recently she released the English language Oral Fixation vol. 2 (translation Fijacion Oral). There are two songs that overlap both albums, the lovely Something and the uplifting The Day and the Time.

Volume 2 actually starts of with some people chanting the Lords Prayer. I think this is the first time chanting was included in a pop song since Enigma scored their only hit with Sadness part 1. But the song, How Do You Do, quickly turns into a rocker about the violence that surrounds religion with lyrics like, “How many people die, and hurt in your name? Hey, does that make you proud, or does it bring you shame?” Apparently George Bush and Osama bin Laden have the answers.

After the opener, Shakira deals with a failed relation on Don’t Bother and Illegal, the later which feature Carlos Santana and his trademark guitar and sound like a more somber version Underneath Your Clothes claiming “it should be illegal to break a woman’s heart.” Don’t Bother, on the other hand is a more upbeat kiss-off to a former flame who is trying to reunite.

Even though this time around Shakira seems to master the English language a little better, her strong point is still in the presentation. And it seems as if she has been listening to a lot of American 80’s since her last album. During How Do You Do, there is a guitar solo that song very similar to Edie Brickell’s What I Am, while on Don’t Bother, the guitars seemed to be borrowed from the Cure’s Just Like Heaven. The bouncy Hey You sounds like something out of the Stray Cats catalog had a female been the lead singer. And she even seems influenced by bands who themselves like the 80’s retro sound as The Day and the Time sound much like The Killer’s Smile Like You Me It. But she does go old school Latin music with the inclusion of mariachi horns on Animal City. But in each case she is able to make it her own.

The album ends much like it starts off but instead it’s a children’s choir that does the chanting on yet another 80’s influenced Timor which relays heavy on synthesizers and drum loops. But instead of religion, politics is the topic with the kids asking throughout the song, “How about the people who don't matter anymore?” Taking aim at the apathy that plagues the youth around the wealthy world who care more about what’s on MTV than those less fortunate who are dieing whether it be by war or by hunger.

Song to Download – Hey You

Oral Fixation vol. 2 get a on my Terror Alert Scale.

Toss Up: Lost vs Veronica Mars week 8

First off, I’ll be discussing the alternative ending to Veronica Mars, so if you haven’t already, check it out here. Both Lost and Veronica Mars dealt with coming to terms with having a parent who isn’t perfect but they took dramatically different paths. On one hand, Kate gave up all hope that there were any redeeming qualities about her (step) father while Veronica wouldn’t give up hope that her mother was indeed a good person. Now let’s get the first topic from the producer over the load speaker (bonus points for anyone who gets that last part):

Token 90’s TV Star
Lost – Kate’s mom was played by Sabrina’s aunt that didn’t get her own failed talk show
Veronica Mars – Two Buffy alums for the price of one
Winner – Veronica Mars

Machiavelli Wanna-Be
Lost – The Dharma people who have even got skeptic Jack to become button obsessed
Veronica Mars – Vice Principal Clemmons, excuses me, Principal Clemmons orchestras his promotion
Winner – Veronica Mars

MIA Black Kid Who Was Recently Reunited with His Father
Lost – Walt hasn’t been seen this season communicated with his dad via primitive instant messaging
Veronica Mars – Wallace hasn’t been seen in weeks communicated with Veronica via e-mail
Winner - Lost

Animal of the Week
Lost – Kate is haunted by a black horse
Veronica Mars – Keith is keeping the dead rat from the bus in his freezer
Winner - Lost

Dead Token Hot Chick
Lost – Sadly Shannon’s still dead
Veronica Mars – Luckily Meg only died on the alternative ending
Winner – Veronica Mars

Are They Still in the Cast?
Lost – I think Kate’s mom has had more lines this season than Claire
Veronica Mars – I think Mac has been in more episodes than Jackie this season
Winner – Lost

Start of Something?
Lost – Jack and Kate finally kissed
Veronica Mars – Beaver and Mac seemed to hit it off
Winner – Veronica Mars

Déjà vu All Over Again
Lost – Kate was involved in another crash, that’s four by my count
Veronica Mars – Beaver once again is in search of his daddy’s approval and considering he’s chose Kendall as his partner he will fail miserably again
Winner – Veronica Mars

Shocked
Lost – Hurley, that Bernard was white
Veronica Mars – Veronica, that Meg was pregnant
Winner - Lost

Male Bonding
Lost – Shaft and Locke bond over faith
Veronica Mars – Weevil and Logan have tea and talk about their feelings like Weevil agreeing with Logan that it wasn’t him who killed Felix, well that was until the beat the crap out of each other
Winner – Veronica Mars

Well after a close race last week, Veronica Mars once again asserted its dominance going to 7-1 while Lost slipped back into predictable mode granted it wasn’t as bad as the beginning of the season. The big new this week is that we finally learned what Kate did. Last week I predicted that she killed either her father or step-father and apparently I was right on both accounts. So Kate killed him because she thought she wouldn’t be a good person knowing that he was part of her. And here in lies the twist, by killing him it only made her fears come to fruition. And much like Sawyer was stalked by the man he killed reincarnated by a boar, Kate instead got a horse. Although I don’t understand why the horse showed up at after she escaped from the marshal. Hopeful Shannon will stalk Ana Lucia in person instead of a lame animal.

Elsewhere on the island, Shaft comes up with the missing piece of the film even though what was missing wasn’t that interesting and obviously was going to lead to Michael to use the computer in the way that was forbidden by the missing film. I was surprised that the metal doors that he discovered earlier didn’t drop during his chat. But if I were a betting man I wouldn’t rule that out as being the first scene of the next episode which, according to my sources, won’t be until next year.

Veronica Mars once again pumped up the action even though there was only one major storyline this week that involved Veronica trying to find out why exactly her mother was suspended during her senior year. Even though Trina was my first thought when Veronica found out about the prom baby, she is the only one we’ve met in Neptune that was in their mid-twenties, that didn’t take away from the episode as a whole because that was just one of numerous twists in the show. The biggest twist being that the whole thing was staged by Vice Principal Clemmons who gave Veronica the detention in the first place and all the essential leads. This then begs the question what else is Clemmons capable of? Much like with Sheriff Lamb two episodes, Clemmons just got a whole lot more interesting. Granted we haven’t seen Lamb since then.

This week there seemed to be an extra amount of pop culture reference than usual with Clemmons even dropping a Cold Case reference. But my favorites had to Veronica describing Trisha as “the second female lead in Wilder Things” and Trish claiming “Big Pat” owed her after leaving pervy messages on her answering machine. Classic. And they didn’t even have to stoop to a blatant Buffy reference when Cordelia and Willow reunited on screen but they did have a nice catty fight of words that brought back fond memories of such war of words the two had back in the Sunnydale High library.

Even though the Lianne storyline took up much of the time, they were able to add some other important scenes including Duncan and Logan’s powwow, Veronica discovery of the rat, and of course the ending with a pregnant Meg. Again I’m not a betting man, but I think good ol’ Chris Talley from Seattle is the leading candidate of being daddy dearest. Originally I like the alternative ending more with Meg’s mom killing her daughter but the more I thought about it, the less it made sense. First why did her mom wait so long to do so and also, even as good the Mars clan are, they couldn’t be able to clear Veronica’s name when she was caught with the smoking gun by the nurse. So I’m glad they went with the ending they did, plus now we have a newly conscious Meg.

And next week on Veronica Mars, someone will be Lost forever. Okay, sorry for the pun, I couldn’t help myself. But much like Lost, I really don’t like having a major plot point revealed in the preview. But hopefully it won’t be as easy to figure out who will be the one who dies much like it was in Shannon’s (and Boone’s for that matter) case. And right now the list is a long one as the only people I consider safe are Veronica, Keith, and assuming since they just killed Meg in an alternative scene, they won’t do it for real the very next episode. The leading candidates have to be Logan and Weevil after what happened this week but for some reason Grace stood out to me during the preview and I do have a sinking suspicion that it would be a member of the Manning family and if we were playing Clue, I would guess it was Pappa Manning killed by Sheriff Lamb with a revolver in the library.

As for Lost, if my source was correct, we won’t get a new episode for about a month but they did leave us with a preview of what looks to be an Eko-centric episode where Shaft himself was for some reason spouting Coolio lyrics. (Cues up Gansta’s Paradise)

You're a Mean One Mr. Grinch

There are a few things for everyone that until it happened, it just doesn’t feel like Christmas. For me I must hear U2’s Christmas (Baby Please Come Home) , eat some of my mom’s special holiday jello, watch somebody shoot their eye out (no need to watch all of A Christmas Story), and number one on the list is I have to watch How the Grinch Stole Christmas which is December’s induction into the Scooter Hall of Fame. I hope it goes without mention but I’m referring to the original cartoon, not the live action Jim Carrey version that came out a couple years ago.

As versatile as Jim Carrey is, he just can’t compete with Boris Karloff’s narration of the classic Dr. Seuss book and captures the book much better than the movie that drags on too long. At 26 minutes, the cartoon was a perfect way to tell myself, back in my younger days, what truly matter at the holidays and it can still hit home with the youth of today even after almost forty years.

I’m sure everyone is different in what reminds them of Christmas, but whatever it is, make sure you take time out in the next couple of days to make sure you check off all you holiday tradition list and also take some time out to remember what Christmas is all about.

Won't Get Fooled Again

I have had a long standing ban of the Fox network. The television network typically puts on three types of shows. First are the unfunny sitcoms who think that being shocking should be enough not realizing that you still need a good story and funny jokes to make it a good show (see my review of The War at Home). Then there are the reality show that are either stolen from other networks (Trading Spouses) or ones so vile no other network, or even cable station, would consider (Who’s Your Daddy, The Littlest Groom, the list could go on forever).

Then there are the shows that are actually great, not that anyone knows because Fox would rather cancel than actually promote properly. My original ban originated after they unceremoniously canceled Wonderfalls after only four episodes which even included a timeslot change. Wonderfalls easily was the best show on television at the time and after viewing the unaired episodes from the DVD, the show could have went down as one of the best ever. Granted I have been soft on my ban because since then I’ve been conned into watching other quickly canceled Fox shows including Firefly, Family Guy, Keen Eddie, The Jury, Tru Calling, Point Pleasant, and The Inside. Granted I must admit Tru Calling and Point Pleasant were subpar but there was room to improve. And they even had to eat some crow and bring back the Family Guy. I have also been watching Arrested Development which they didn’t cancel after only a few episodes but considering how Fox has moved around the show and reduced the number of episodes last season and has cut this season too just so they can air repeats of the overrated Prison Break.

And that leads me to the latest casualty of Fox shows that I watch. Just a week after I named it the third best new show of the 2005 Fall Season, Fox announced that they were going to cancel Reunion. Yeah the show was predictable and it has some of the worse acting aside from whatever Pam Anderson show is currently on. Except I’m addicted and neeed to know how the show turns out and who killed Sam. But alas, Fox has screwed me again. And with another spot open on the schedule, that mean another lame hour of American Karaoke. Oh what, I think Skating with the Stars, yet another reality rip-off, is going to be on Fox soon. Yipee. So once again, I will have to fire up my ban on Fox. Feel free to join me and bring down that worthless network once and for all.

It Ain't Pretty After the Show

INXS was one of my favorite bands of the 80’s. But like many bands from the era, the transition to the 90’s were not a smooth one and was brought to a screaming halt with the death of lead singer Michael Hutchence in 1997. So now in 2005, what is the band to do, well exactly what every washed up 80’s celebrity does, get its own realist show. So in American Karaoke fashion, the voting public would tune in every week, voting off the worse karaoker until they crown the winner how would spend the rest of his life singing Need You Tonight while everyone in the audiences wished Hutchence was still alive.

But much in the Rolling Stones tradition of releasing a new album before the new tour even though everyone would much rather hear Jumpin' Jack Flash than any of the new material, INXS pumped out an album, Switch, featuring their karaoke winner just weeks after the end of the show. And it is easy to tell that the recording of the album was rushed as all the songs slug along as if an INXS cover tried to record their own material. The album starts off with Devil’s Party which the band tries to recreate their classic Devil Inside but fails miserably.

The closest the band gets to its past glory is Afterglow, a slowed down song that could have benefited from a singer that could handle the delicate cadence, but ruins the song whenever he tries to hard. He just can’t handle the subtleties that Hutchence was so good at. But instead the karaoke champion can’t decide throughout the album rather he should channel Hutchence or find his own voice and ends up failing at both. And the karaoker isn’t all to blame as even Hutchence couldn’t have save such bland songs as Hot Girls, Perfect Strangers, and God’s Top 10.

Song to Download – Don’t Bother, just pick something from their back catalog instead (check out my recommendations)

Switch gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.

5% Pleasure, 50% Pain

Most people will know Mike Shinoda as the rapper of multi platinum group Linkin Park, but after spending the most of the time with the rock group Shinoda decided to take a break and get back to his rap roots with he hip-hop troupe, Fort Minor. Then for the album The Rising Tied (yeah I know its spelled wrong, but I’m sure there is some deep meaning to it, but it when over my head) he recruited some of his favorite rapper such as Common and Black Thought of The Roots to give some lines as well as singers like John Legend and Holly Brook then rounded out the album with having Jay-Z as the executive producer.

Even though it is always refreshing to hear a rap album that doesn’t rely on money, drugs, bling, and ho's, the album fall flat partly because the beats are sub par and Shinoda really doesn’t know what to do with a beat if there was one. Certain songs are saved by the previously mentioned guest stars in addition to the rap due Styles of Beyond who appear on five track. The best of which is Remember the Name with one of the few beats that I would blare in my car.

But what Shinoda lacks in rap skills, he makes up in content. Where Linkin Park stays neutral in their songs, as Fort Minor, Shinoda isn’t afraid to talk about touchy subjects. On Right Now, featuring Black Thought, the two trade verses about the injustices in the world like, “For the act of freedom right now somebody is stuck in Iraq hoping that he gets shipped back breathing in a war that he’s not really sure of the reasons.” He also takes on racism, but not the usual racism addressed in rap song. On Kenji he raps about how poorly Japanese immigrants were treated during World War II and even though the war ended decades ago, those types of issues still need to be address today substituting Muslims for Japanese.

As for the other guest artist, John Legend is sadly relegated to the chorus and some chopstick type chords on the piano on High Road where Shinoda rags on all his haters even though he says he’s taking the high road, but obviously with all the smack talk he isn’t. Common ads some class on Back Home with a decent verse despite the lame beat, but he was used to those before he hooked up with Kanye West. And Holley Brook is a star in the making with her addition to Where’d You Go and makes me wish that they would have dropped the aggravated drum loop and Shinoda’s rap and focused the song around her instead. In the end, this is a side project that should have stayed on the sidelines.

Song to Download – Remember the Name

The Rising Tied get a on my Terror Alert Scale.

The Longer We Talk, the Less We Say

Many of us will remember the Spin Doctors for the early 90’s classic Little Miss Can’t Be Wrong which put stuck up brats in their place. Sadly a decade later those stuck up brats are rewarded reality shows and equally sad is how the Spin Doctors slipped into obscurity. Granted part of the blame is on the band that followed up their breakout album with a lackluster album and some lineup changes hurt the chemistry of the bad. Now the band is back, original lineup and all with a new album, Nice Talking to Me.

Much like other 90’s group who released albums earlier this year trying to resurrect their career, Blues Traveler (see my review – If Looks Could Kill I’d Die Today) and Oasis (see my review – I Carry the Madness Everywhere I Go), the new album is a vast improvement of recent releases, but it still lacks the one song that sticks out as a smash hit like Two Princes, Run-Around, and Wonderwall did ten years ago. For the Spin Doctors, the closes is the title song that opens the album. The song is a bluesy record built around dirty guitars and even dirtier vocals, and is very reminiscent of English bands trying their hands at roots rock.

After the opener, the band tries to recreate the pop influenced rock song that got them on the radio in the first place. Except Sugar falls flat, but the band does a little better with Margarita, a bouncy song with a catch chorus, “revenge is sweet, but success is sweeter, take the salt from my wounds and put it in my Margarita.” This song is the best chance for the band to get back on the radio.

Happily Ever After sound like a lost song from Pocket Full of Kryptonite and would have fit well on the album. And much like How Could You Want Him off that album, Can’t Kick the Habit shows that the band can slow things down without losing a step. But sadly this album won’t get its deserved attention because it lacks that one break out song to push it onto the charts.

Song to Download – Nice Talking to Me

Nice Talking to Me gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.

Toss Up: Lost vs Veronica Mars week 7

Wow, for the first time in a month, Lost didn’t suck massively. Granted this week’s episode had its boring spots but it did have the most surprising plot twist since it turned out that Locke was in a wheel chair. So with Lost actually putting up a fight, I am bringing back the official Toss Up debate to decide the better episode between Lost and Veronica Mars:

Tied up dude with a dead girlfriend
Lost - Sayid gets tied up fearing revenge
Veronica Mars – Logan gets tied up to determine if revenge is in order
Winner – Veronica Mars

Hispanic who’s losing their leadership
Lost – Ana Lucia fears she will lose her posse because she accidentally shot someone
Veronica Mars – Weevil fears that he’s losing control of his gang after he finds out one of them is selling drugs and possibly working with the Fighting Fitzpatrick’s
Winner – Veronica Mars

Plot Twist
Lost – Ana Lucia lost a child when shot by a thug
Veronica Mars – The underground radio show was being recorded at Vice Principal Clemmon’s house.
Winner - Lost

Unanswered Question
Lost – How does a fugitive on the run become a better golfer than a doctor?
Veronica Mars – How did the gay dude buy the mp3 player on the school’s dime?
Winner – Lost

Intense Moment
Lost - Sayid goes after Ana Lucia with a gun
Veronica Mars – Veronica almost gets a Lucky Charms tattoo from an angry Leprechaun
Winner – Veronica Mars

Reunited
Lost – Ana Lucia & Jack, Rose & Bernard, Sun & Jin, Kate & Sawyer
Veronica Mars – Veronica & Mac join back up for their Bond and Q relationship, Duncan & Meg (by dreams at least)
Winner - Lost

Unconscious hot blonde
Lost – Shannon’s dead
Veronica Mars – Coma Meg appears to Duncan twice
Winner – Veronica Mars (At least Meg may be back)

Guilt
Lost – Shaft carries Sawyer back to camp possible out of guilt of killing people
Veronica Mars – Duncan dreams about Meg possible out of guilt of dumping her that may have led to her current coma
Winner - Lost

MIA
Lost – Claire seemed to be missing for the big reunion, but then again she really hasn’t been seen much this season anyways
Veronica Mars – No Dick or Beaver, the new black chick, and Wallace barely warrants a mention
Winner – Veronica Mars

Déjà vu All Over Again
Lost – Jack gets his “Wait a minute, I know you look” when Shaft brings up Ana Lucia much like he did with Desmond
Veronica Mars – Duncan gets a message via a dream from another unconscious hot blonde
Winner – Veronica Mars

(Series Toss-Up) Daddy/Mommy Issues
Lost – Ana Lucia, Jack, Locke, Kate, Shannon, Jin, Walt, Sun, Claire (it’s odd that all the characters have problems with the parent of the same sex; I sense a pattern)
Veronica Mars – Logan, Duncan, Lilly, Mac, Meg and Grace, Wallace
Winner - Lost


So there you have it, Lost put up a fight this week, but Veronica Mars reigns supreme yet again with a dominant 6-1 lead. Going into greater detail into Lost, I thought it was interesting that for the first flashback for the taillies was, I believe, the first time that someone’s first flashback didn’t deal primarily with why they were in Australia and how they had come to end up on the doomed flight. Instead we go back a couple years into Ana Lucia’s back story, circa 2001 by my calculations. For the whole episode we are led to believe that she killed another officer in a case of friendly fire because she’s trigger happy, but instead it turned out that she was the one that shot that lead to the death of her unborn child. This then leads Ana Lucia to create trust issues and a shoot them before they can shoot you philosophy that led to Shannon’s demise.

But on the negative side, Lost once again slips into the same devise where we see a scene again from a third time tying it with the amount of times we saw Jack confront Desmond for the first time. And for those keeping track at home, that would be the fourth time we saw Jack’s “wait a minute, I know you” face when Shaft brought up Ana Lucia.

Speaking of Shaft, he looks to be the most interesting person new to the cast. It should be really interesting to see what happened in his back story to get him where he is today. He seems to be ridden with guilt for killing the two Others that tried to capture him to the point that he has done everything in his power to get Sawyer to the doctor. But one thing that has really bothered me is how he has a “Leave no man behind” philosophy where he helps Jim find Michael, helping Sawyer when some people wanted to leave him behind, yet him, and the rest of his group seem nonchalant about the chick that disappeared last week. I don’t even believe she was even mentioned this week. The taillies seem to care more about these people they just meet than someone that has been with them for forty eight days.

This week’s Veronica Mars started off interestingly enough with a dream sequence hinting at what Duncan really thinks about the girls he’s dated. Meg was in all white, backlit with a bright light, looking almost angelic while Veronica interrupts the vision in a black mesh top with a black bra underneath and a mini skit, mocking coma girl and literally slaps Duncan back into the real world. The dream could have been caused by two things, what transpired at the end of last episode at Meg’s house, even though that incident was never actually mentioned this episode keeping with this season tradition of not mentioning the surprising ending of the week before. The other possibility would be guilt over what he possibly did with Kendall last week. Whatever it was, it compelled Duncan to open the letter he took from Meg’s room last week that was from some dude named Chris Talley, a guy I don’t believe that we, the audience, have been introduced to. And what Chris wrote seemed to shock Duncan, but if the other show enders have shown us, we won’t learn what was on the note for a couple weeks.

Elsewhere in Neptune, the Jets and the Sharks are coming closer to a big rumble, oops, I mean PCH’ers and Fighting Fitzpatrick’s, sorry I always get the feuding Mics and Spics confused. And I wonder if that makes Veronica Maria (I just met a girl named Maria). But anyways. Actually it looks like their might be some collusion between the two as Weevil tries to get to the bottom of it after learning that the witness in the Felix murder case was in cahoots with the Fitzpatrick’s and there may also be some drug running inside his crew. Leading him to wonder if it really was Logan who killer Logan.

Then there was the case of the week with the Mars clan trying to figure out who was harassing the parents of one of the kids who died. Granted this was the most boring of the running storylines this episode but it did lead to Clemmon’s opening up the door with his robe open and Veronica making up the story of Mac having a crush on Butters Vincent which had be on the floor laughing. But the gay lover conclusions just had some conspicuous gaps to make the storyline entertaining as a whole.

Next week we get another Kate episode and the previews hint that we may actually find out why exactly she is on the run and why her dieing mother wouldn’t forgiver her. I’m leaning to she killed her stepfather. But it is Lost so don’t expect to get the whole story. Meanwhile on Veronica Mars we get somewhat of a Buffy reunion with both Willow and Cordelia appearing on the same episode, but since this isn’t Smallville, don’t expect any in-jokes like the did with Spike and the reunion of the real Bo and Luke Duke. As much as I want to learn what exactly Kate did, I have to give the edge to Veronica Mars next week based on the previews.

And for those of you Lost fanatics, be sure to check out the audio commentary for the previous episode on the official Lost podcast which you can sync up with the episode that you can buy threw iTunes, see link on the sidebar to get there.

Holiday Schedule 2005

First I’d like to wish a Happy Thanksgiving to everyone or for those outside the U.S. like to call it, Thursday. Just a heads up with the holidays upon us, here’s a look at the schedule the blog will be taking the next couple weeks. There is a link on the sidebar for future reference. Feel free to dive into the archives on days that I will be taking off and on day that are not listed, they will be filled by the regular reviews and such you have come to find at the 9^th Green (card subject to change):

November 24-25 – off for Thanksgiving
November 26 – Lost vs. Veronica Mars week 7
December 1 – Induction into the Scooter Hall of Fame
December 2 – Loss vs. Veronica Mars week 8
December 5 - Big in '05 Recap
December 7 – Grammy Nominations & Predictions
December 15 – Lyrics Quiz: Best of 2005
December 19 – Best Free Songs of 2005
December 23 – Worst Albums of 2005
December 24-25 – off for Christmas
December 26 – Worst Songs of 2005
December 27 – Best Albums of 2005
December 28 – Best Videos of 2005
December 29 – Best Mash-ups of 2005
December 30 – Top 100 Songs of 2005
December 31/Januray 1 – off for New Years
January 2 – Induction into the Scooter Hall of Fame

Record People Are Shady VI: Don't Mess with Texas

A couple days ago I mentioned how it was reported that Sony was putting in spyware embedded into their CD that would be transferred to anyone who put it into their computer’s CD drive (see Record People Are Shady V). I mentioned that that a layer should write up a class action lawsuit and apparently the Attorney General of Texas Greg Abbott was reading because of a new Texas law forbidding hidden tracking tools like the ones found on Sony’s CD’s. Says Abbott:

“Consumers who purchased a Sony CD thought they were buying music. Instead, they received spyware that can damage a computer, subject it to viruses and expose the consumer to possible identity crime.”

Now Sony claims to recall the affected CD’s last Friday but according to the Houston Chronicle they could still find the CD’s in question in local record stores. But that still doesn’t account for the 2 million CD’s that have already been sold. Abbott is seeking $100,000 for each infraction and if that includes all 4.9 million CD’s that were made, that would be (where’s my handy calculator) $490,000,000,000. God bless Texas. And if Ohio, or any other state for that matter, law makers need some quick cash, start up your lawsuits now.

Texas isn’t the only people getting in on the action, the Electronic Frontier Foundation, a nonprofit-free speech advocate, has joined in with a class-action suit. The EFF claims that the CD’s,

“degrades the performance of the (computer), opens new security vulnerabilities, and installs updates through an Internet connection to Sony BMG's servers. The software transmits data about users to [the software's maker] SunnComm through an Internet connection whenever purchasers listen to CDs, allowing the company to track listening habits — even though the [user agreement] states that the software will not be used to collect personal information and SunnComm's Web site says 'no information is ever collected about you or your computer”

And this lawsuit also includes not just the previously mentioned spyware but also includes CD’s with the anti-piracy software, MediaMax, which disallows the ability to rip your songs onto your iPod and most notable on the Dave Matthews Band’s Stand Up (and started my Record People Are Shady rants) and affects 20 million other CD’s.

To add insult to injury, their was a Newsweek article out this week decrying everything surrounding the Song debacle and essentially called the record people morons, “Punishing paying customers by giving them broken product is… insanity.”


Speaking of insanity, I happened to catch bits and pieces of the American Music Awards during the commercials of My Name Is Earl. Going into it I had no desire to watch the show because typically no one shows up to the AMA's (MIA this year were winners Green Day, Kelly Clarkson, Black Eyed Peas, Coldplay, Eminem, 50 Cent, and 2/3rds of Destiny’s Child) and there are no good performances because of the Grammys long standing rule that anyone who performs at the AMA’s won’t be asked to do so on the Grammys. At this point the AMA’s need to pack it up, back thirty years ago they may have been relevant being number two behind the Grammys but not they have slipped behind the Video Music Awards, Billboard Awards, Teen Choice Awards, Kids Choice Awards, and are barely above VH1’s Big in (insert year) Awards in terms of relevance.

I did seem to catch the worst of the worst with Lindsay Lohan’s performance of her new song that made Ashlee Simpson’s performance at the Orange Bowl last year sound like Pavarotti. Then inexplicably, she started to go into Stevie Nicks' Edge of Seventeen which was only listenable because Lohan was drowned out by her backing choir. But at least he went red again and is starting to get her breasts back. Maybe Lohan should have went the Hilary Duff root and just lip-sync. At least I think she was lip-syncing because I was unaware that someone was able to layer their voice live. The Grammy Awards can’t come soon enough. At least they have a ban on lip-syncing and piss-poor singing.

Am I the One Who Plays the Quiet Songs?

John Mayer exploded on the scene a couple years ago with acoustic driven pop songs like No Such Thing, which catapulted him to James Taylor of the 21st Century status and landing him in every co-ed’s music collection. Each song on Room for Squares was a well crafted pop song but if you caught him in concerts or at the very least head his live album Any Given Thursday, he yearned for a little more than your garden variety TRL acts with more bluesy versions of songs and Dave Matthew Band type jams. That transition continued with the more experimental Heavier Things that had a few straight up blues songs on it. Mayer recently completed his transformation into a blues artist when he dumped his touring band and repackaged himself as the John Mayer Trio with Steve Jordan on drums and Pino Palladino on bass with the group channeled the power trios of the past such as Cream and the Jimi Hendrix Experience.

The live album, Try!, starts off with How Did You Think I Was? with a riff so raw all the car companies are probably clambering as you read this to put it in their commercials even if it sound like a Lenny Kravitz rip-off, to be specific, Always on the Run. The lyrics sound as if they were a retort to anyone who questioned Mayer’s credibility, “Am I the one who plays the quiet songs? Is he the one who turns the ladies on?” But even with the power trio, Mayer can’t seem to get away from his lovelorn lyrics that populate his previous albums like on Good Love Is on the Way. And Mayer goes a little too far when he intros Out of Mind by joking the home of the blues is in Connecticut. You can even hear his band roll their eyes when he says this.

No concert is complete without a cover song or two. On Try! the trio runs through the Hendrix gem Wait Till Tomorrow. But the musicians truly gel for a funky version Ray Charles’ I Got a Woman. If you listen closely you can even hear Mayer emulate Kanye West’s Gold Digger, which samples the Charles classic, with his guitar. But when Mayer starts to sing, he ends up like sounding like he’s imitating Jamie Foxx imitating Ray Charles. The song was supposed to close out the show, but anyone who has ever been to a concert, there’s going to be an encore where people cheer for one or no. So after the prerequisite wait, Mayer and crew comes out and go through bluesier versions of song off of his last album, Daughters and Something’s Missing, the later slips back to his teen idol self with the call and response with the “checks” at the end of the song.

Song to Download – Who Do You Think I Was?

Try! gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.

Spoiled

One thing that has really bugging me lately is the advent of the spoiler, or worse the people who think it is common knowledge. The most recent example of this was with Shannon’s death on Lost. It was widely reported for months that a female cast member was going to die early in the second season of the show. Then people on message board would talk freely about it without giving a proper warning that they should so even those of us who didn’t want to be spoiled were anyways. And even though I was able to avoid exactly who was going to die since I was already told it was a female, that ruled out all but three people on the show and since there was no way they would kill off Kate, it then became a toss up between Shannon and Claire.

Then for the few who were able to avoid the spoilers entirely, the show itself let everyone that someone would die in the previews the episode before. And this is another problem that has arisen lately, with the previews giving away too much in the previews and it’s not just Lost, almost every other show does this these days. Is it really that hard to promote an episode without giving away major plot points? Yeah a lot of people turned in to find out who died but how many people stopped after that episode because all the drama has been sucked out of the show because you know pretty much everything that will happen. As soon as Shannon went into the jungle I knew that Ana Lucia was going to shoot her not know who she was. Yeah, I won’t be one of those who will just watching (just yet) but I do feel as embarrassed to watch Lost much like the reality shows on VH1.

But really the people who are to blame are the people that just have to know. And to them I have to ask “Why?” It’s obvious to me show are not as good if you know what’s a going to happen so why don’t you just wait like the rest of us? The easy answer is in our culture to always be first even if it’s the first to know what happens. But I ask to those who do enjoy the spoilers please keep it to yourselves or at the very least create you own top-secret spoiler message boards so as not to annoy those of us that want find things out as we watch our shows. And Lost isn’t the only show that will be ruined for me this season as I’ve run across a couple more deaths spoilers on other show that I watch that will likely ruin that show like it has brought down this season of Lost, but since I am compassionate, I won’t spoil it like the punks that did it to me.

With that all said within the next couple days I will be posting a review on the last Star Wars movie that will have a few spoilers throughout it. The difference between this and the Lost spoilers is that there has been plenty of time for everyone to see the movie. And Episode III is odd in that if you have already seen Episodes I, II, IV, V, and VI, you pretty know everything that’s going to happen anyways. So be sure to look out for that and if you haven’t seen the move, I still will put a spoiler warning at the beginning of the post as not to ruin it for you.

This Blog Is Not Meant to Disrespect any Woman

A couple days ago I mentioned the song from members of the Miami University football team also known as the Seventh Floor Crew and one of my readers was nice enough to send along the song that caused all the uproar among the blowhards across the country. And after listening to it the song isn’t as bad as they mad it out to be, it’s actually worse. And that’s not necessarily a bad thing. The song is very reminiscent of such old school N.W.A. classics as She Swallowed It and Just Don’t Bite It in that it is so over the top it becomes entertaining.

Oddly enough with all the reports of the multiple use of adjectives that typically put down woman, the song starts off with the disclaimer, “This song in its entirety is not meant to disrespect any woman, it its entirely.” Keep in mind that the line was spoken by a dude in college. Then the next line, which is also the chorus, goes “If your (gardening tool) only know that she was getting (expletive deleted) on the seventh floor. If that (expletive deleted) only knew she was getting moneyed by the whole damn crew.” The chorus itself is sung like Aaliyah’s If Your Girl Only Knew.

The song boils down to a nine minute ode to group sex but apparently the sex-ed classes down in Miami are working well because there are multiple references to condoms. At least one department down in Miami is doing their part to uphold higher learning standards unlike their English department. The standout rapper in the Wu-Tang size troupe is G-Reg (at least I think that’s what he called himself, these kids need to learn how to pronunciate, hopefully they have taken a Speech class since recording the song) who utters the best line, “C’mon fellas let’s get weird, stick your (expletive deleted) up in her ear.” That could possibly be the funniest rap lyric I have heard in a longtime. And again, if you find any of this offensive, you may want to avoid every boy’s dorm across the country on every university because this type of language is all you are going to hear.