Spin-Offs that Need to Happen

When listening to The BS Report with Bill Simmons the other day, he mentioned how Joey essentially ruined the spinoff. And looking back on the decade he seems to be right with a small exception with lame CBS procedurals, and they really don’t count because they are just the same shows in different cities. The problem with Joey is that you don’t give a spinoff to a main cast member, audiences do not like to see someone from an ensemble by themselves, but instead you should give spinoffs to minor random characters. Like in the eighties when they gave shows to Mike Seaver’s gym teacher (R.I.P. Boner Stabone) and Balki’s elevator attendant. So with networks currently creating new shows to make up the Fall schedule, here are some spinoffs of random characters of current shows I would like to see:

Stuart from The Big Bang Theory: In order to keep his comic book store owner, he needs an investor that comes in the form of Will Wheaton who then takes a more involved role than Stuart would like and then hilarity ensues. Throw in a token hot chick (say, Kristin Kreuk who has some recent experience with nerds on Chuck) they hire as a cashier and I would watch every week.

Jack Burton from Chuck: Seriously, why is Gary Cole not on my television every week? And what better way to alleviate that problem than give Sarah Walker’s father his own series as he roams from town to town conning people. There would be plenty of crossover opportunities as Sarah and her dad need each other’s services to help out with their current cases or capers.

How I Met Your Father starring Rachel Bilson: Bringing in Rachel Bilson to be the mother’s roommate seemed like a complete waste. But that doesn’t have to be a wasted opportunity if you give her, and said mother, their own show as they search for love. Bonus in we actually get to meet the mother while How I Met Your Mother can excruciatingly draw out Ted meeting her.

Leslie Arzt from Lost: Yes he blew up into little pieces in season one, but this will be focused on a still together science teaching Artz in sideways land. Of course the show will have to feature Ben Linus as the European History teacher and the school would eventually hire John Locke full time. Then can even have the dude from Ghostbusters return as the antagonist principal. And what the hey, go ahead and have Walt attend the school (which I was surprised we didn’t see in the flashsideways already).

Mama Smash from Friday Night Lights: When Smash went off to college I was still hoping Mama Smash would still find a way onto the show; have her become the school nurse, let her daughter become the water girl, let her have a torrid affair with Tim Riggins, anything that would keep give her screen name, because let’s face it, no one gives a better reaction shot than Mama Smash. Or just give Mama Smash her own show where she moves to be closer to Smash to see him play and she could get a job at the Texas A&M school clinic. And believe me, there are plenty of entertainment that can come from a college clinic.

Dylan from Modern Family: In classic 80’s fashion, give a spin off to the breakout fringe character where we get to see Dylan and the Rusty Zippers chase fame and stardom. They could even get some mentoring from Izzy LaFontaine, the bassist of Spandau Ballet.



P.S. Bonus points for anyone who can name the shows that featured Mike Seaver’s gym teacher and Balki’s elevator attendant.

Previewing Africa's Lost Eden

We all know the story of Noah and his ark, but have you ever wondered where he landed after the thirty days of rain? Many believe that he finally docked in Mozambique with its numerous wild animals and over five hundred bird that habitat the lush floodplains in the middle of the country. Unfortunately the civil war has ravaged the wildlife there with thousands of zebras, buffalo, hippos, and elephants have been slaughtered for food or ivory tusks with some animals down to the double digits in the Gorongosa Wildlife Park.

Now conservationists are trying to revitalize the park by relocating overpopulated elephants and hippos from South Africa in the farthest by land transport of the creature (sorry, no real life version of Operation Dumbo Drop). Making matters worse, a drought has turning in the local river into just a patch of mud for the crocodiles (the lone animal that hasn’t been depleted by the war) to burrow into. If there is one drawback to the special, it would look awesome in high-def, but new Nat Geo Wild, where Africa’s Lost Eden airs tonight at 10:00, does not have an HD channel yet (orat least it isn’t offered in my area). Check out a preview below:

57 Channels and Only This Is On vol. CXXV

Tool Academy: Another anticlimactic season finale from the show. They really need to figure how to make the last episode more interesting. And the whole marriage onsite is gone too. You can stream recent episodes over at vh1.com. You can also download Tool Academy on iTunes.

Chuck: I really do not understand why one of Casey’s conditions to giving over the director of The Ring was to deputize Morgan. Does Casey not realize he will be the one who has to deal with Morgan? Morgan going on missions really doesn’t get me that excited for the rest of the season. Here is hoping he gets hit in some crossfire. But at least we got rid of Superman. And I never got his endgame, if he was going to kill Sarah in retaliation for his wife, why not do it in the warehouse, or when they were in the The Ring headquarters? Why fly all the way to Paris? Just for the symbolism of killing her where Sarah shot his wife? All it did was extend the episode thirty minutes more than it should have. At least Casey taking down The Ring in the background was pretty cool. You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Chuck on iTunes.

Castle: Aw, curses. Even though I loved how the gang rigged thing to break around Castle to make him think he was under it. Fun times. You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Castle on iTunes. Also be sure to check out my chat with Stana Katic.

Lost: I really hope they were not insinuating what I think they were insinuation, that the flashsideways are all happening inside Desmond’s brain. That would be autistic kid looking at a snow globe lame. And if this is some mindjumping by Desmond, isn’t Penny his constant? If so, why did he not leap back until he met Penny? And speaking of Penny, who is her mother? Is there a Mrs. Milton out there somewhere? She seems a little older than the scientist formally known as Faraday, did Charles cheat on Eloise? Did they meet just after she was born? Is this a Time Traveler’s Wife situation? But of course, the time for questions is over! You can stream recent episodes on Hulu.



Justified: I am not sure who was more entertaining, the moron girlfriend, or the moron driver. Wait, definitely the driver simply because Raylan gave him the option to drop his gun or use it and he made the wrong decision. And that was just after his Raylan told his buddy that he would shoot him if he took one more step, only to take another shot. You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Justified on iTunes.

Survivor: Heroes vs. Villains: Considering it was a lackluster episode, they should have cut five minutes and just made the promo featuring the dumbest moments that much longer, granted they forgot this season’s own Tyson blunder that got him voted off. Or could we just get a full special devoted to dumb Survivor moments? Although I sure hope JT doesn’t join that list by giving Russell the hidden immunity idol. That makes no sense. Even if you think there is an all girl alliance, if the Heroes lose the immunity challenge (assuming there is no merge), he would safe. And if they win, they would have even numbers, and if they merge after that, they could use the idol to break a potential tie. You can stream recent episodes over at cbs.com.

Best of the Week vol. XL

Quote of the Week: Use it or throw it away. (Raylan Gibbons, Justified)

Song of the Week: Young Folks – Peter, Bjorn and John (Parenthood)

Big News of the Week: Tiger Woods Back on the Course: To be honest, I stopped caring about the Tiger Woods scandal after I stopped laughing that one of his mistresses appeared on Tool Academy. So I could care less that he returned to gold this weekend and the only way they could have gotten me to watch is if they had placed a different mistress at each of the eighteen holes. But I did get drawn back into the controversy when I saw the creepy new Nike commercial with Wood’s father preaching to a motionless, black and white Tiger. Seriously, what marketing genius thought this was a good idea. Don Draper he is not. On the Brightside, it did produced plenty of hilarious parodies, this one being my favorite:



Gratuitous Token Hot Chick Picture of the Week:



Free Download of the Week: I Learned the Hard Way – Sharon Jones and the Dap Kings (Amazon MP3)

Deal of the Week: Blu-ray Blowout: Save Up to 52% (District 9, Up, 300)

Video of the Week: Michael Cera once again goes for the “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it” philosophy to acting as it looks like he is playing the same character for the eighth straight movie, a pseudo-emo rocker wannabe. Cera apparently has ninety-nine problems; girls seem to be all of them. Scott Pilgrim vs. the World looks to his the worst problem yet as he has to battle seven evil ex’s to get the girl, including George Michael Bluth’s old fame. Yes, Her?



Next Week Pick of the Week: Real World / Road Rules Challenge, Fresh Meat 2, Wednesday at 10:00 on MTV: Once again I missed that there was a new Challenge and will be playing catch up before the second episode this week. Here’s hoping MTV will repeat the premiere before then (just in case it didn’t come across in written form, that last sentence was sarcasm, it probably be one twenty times before then).

Around the Tubes vol. XLV

I have gotten a plethora of cool press releases have been flooding my inbox recently that you may find interesting. This post will include blurbs on The Real Face of Jesus, Explorer: Solitary Confinement, Dr. Who, The Roots, NBC Renewals, Parenthood, and Shameless.

- What Jesus looked like has been hotly debated for years and now a team of scientists are trying to find out what he may have really looked like on Time Machine: The Real Face of Jesus? (click the link to pre-order from Amazon). “The Real Face of Jesus is a documentary that follows a team of graphic experts as they use cutting-edge 3D software to bring a holy relic known as the Shroud of Turin to life. Many believe Jesus Christ was buried in this ancient linen cloth, which bears traces of blood and the faint, ghostly image of a man. With the help of modern technology, can HISTORY finally unlock the secrets of one of the world’s most scrutinized and controversial artifacts?”

- Coming up Sunday is the new National Geographic Channel special Explorer: Solitary Confinement to look at the controversial prison practice at 9:00. To mark the program, three people volunteers to put themselves into solitary confinement and you can watch their experience live at explorersolitary.com.

- Looking for a sneak peak of the new season of Doctor Who? Well iTunes has a nine minute video available to download for free.

- Next on The Roots awesome collaboration list: Tom’s Diner with Suzanne Vega:



- Fans of unscripted television rejoice as NBC has renewed Minute to Win It, The Marriage Ref and Who Do You Think You Are for another season. Fans of scripted television, though, will apparently have to sweat it out another month to learn the fates of Chuck, Parenthood, Mercy and Trauma (though I wouldn’t hold my breath for the last two).

- Speaking of Parenthood, according to the promo below, the next episode will feature Lyla Garrity Gone Wild. Yes please.



- New show alert: Showtime has just picked up Shameless, about a patriarch of ten children who is “making ends meet is always difficult especially with a mother who is AWOL (guest star Allison Janney) and an alcoholic patriarch -- played by William H. Macy -- who usually ends up passed out on the living room floor. Oldest daughter Fiona (the highly likeable Emmy Rossum) is left to the task of keeping her five younger brothers and sisters on track, a task that usually proves impossible.” No word on a premiere date yet.

I Want My Music Television vol. LXXVIII

There have been a couple of videos that have caught my eye lately so I thought I’d give them some love since the death of Musical Television left a void for a forum on the art form. If you are interested in buying the video through iTunes, click the title link (where available). If you are interested in buying the song, look for a link in the analysis.


Young Blood – Norah Jones



And now for the most literal interpretation of a song ever. Well at least the most hilariously literal one. I think the sleeping shotgun wedding sequence is my favorite. Thank you Norah Jones and your silly red hat.


Tighten Up – The Black Keys



And I didn’t think that The Black Keys wouldn’t be able to top their laser tag inspired Strange Time, but a self awar dinosaur puppet with an E-Harmony account will do that.


The Last of the American Girls – Green Day



Okay, who put up a web cam in bedroom because Green Day totally stole my daily morning routine of having blonde twins pull off my bed sheets before breaking into a morning long dance routine.


Die by the Drop – The Dead Weather



I could not actually find a full embeddable version of the new video from the Dead Weather, but as I write this, you can download the full version of Die by the Drop on iTunes for free. And it is as creepy as the above teaser would have you believe.

The Most Anticipated Albums of Spring 2010

Record executives recently realized that the only time people actually buy music these days are when they are buying it for someone else and so there are an overabundance of titles that come out in the fourth quarter, big releases in the other three are far and few in between. Here are the five that will be released over the next couple months followed by a broader chronological list. Please note that release dates are subject to change. Click the album name (or album artwork) for an album is available for pre-order on Amazon. Click the artist’s name for their iTunes directory.

1. Brothers – The Black Keys (May 18): Inevitably whenever you make a list a hundred deep, no matter how much research you do, you are bound to forget something. The day after I posted The 100 Greatest Duos of the 00’s, I was in the shower and realized, oh crap, I forget Dan Auerbach and Patrick Carney. I am sure I will be beating my head even more when I get a listen to their latest. The boys are back to their do it yourself esthetic after their turn to Danger Mouse who produced Attack and Release (he is back for one track, the first single Tighten Up).

2. To the Sea – Jack Johnson (June 1): Thankfully the greedy record execs are not holding this out for Christmas time because if there is an artist that should be listened to during the summer not while there is snow on the ground, it is Jack Johnson. Look out for the new single You and Your Heart coming to an adult contemporary station any day now.

3. Court Yard Hounds – Court Yard Hounds (May 4): You may not recognize the band name, but you know it members, the sister two thirds of the Dixie Chick. Emily has taken over the singing and writing (with the exception of Marti who takes lead on one track). The album will also feature a duet with Jakob Dylan.

4. Bionic – Christina Aguilera (June 8): Like most double albums, Back to Basics could have sufficed as a single disk. Four years after that release, Christina is back and brought with her an eclectic group of songwriters and producers for Bionic including M.I.A., Sia, La Tigre, Polow da Don (The Neptunes (rumored) and longtime collaborator Linda Perry who co-wrote You Life Me up which debut during the Haiti marathon.

5. How I Got Over – The Roots (June 8): I believe I included this in my album rundown last fall, here’s hoping it finally reached the light of day this summer.


Today
Women and Country – Jakob Dylan
I Learned the Hard Way – Sharon Jones and the Dap-Kings
Midnight Souvenirs – Peter Wolf

April 13
Leave Your Sleep – Natalie Merchant

April 20
My Best Friend Is You – Kate Nash
Tears, Lies and Alibis – Shelby Lynne
Country Music – Willie Nelson
Rise Up – Cypress Hill

April 27
Nobody’s Daughter – Hole
Sparks Fly – Miranda Cosgrove

May 4
Live at the Troubadour – James Taylor and Carol King
Tonic – Tonic
Pulse – Toni Braxton
Uni-5: The World’s Enemy – Bone Thugs-N-Harmony

May 11
Sea of Cowards – The Dead Weather
Night Train – Keane

May 18
The Archandroid - Janelle Monáe

May 25
Stone Temple Pilots – Stone Temple Pilots
Distant Relatives – Nas and Damien Marley

June 1
Shout it Out – Hanson

June 8
We Are Born – Sia
Grace Potter and the Nocturnals - Grace Potter and the Nocturnals
Destroyer of the Void – Blitzen Trapper

June 15
The Laws of Illusions – Sarah McLachlan

June 22
The Sellout – Macy Gray

No Release Date Yet (So I would not expect them until fall)
Songs of Ascent – U2
Hot Sauce Committee, Pt 1 – Beastie Boys
Life Styles - Nelly Furtado
Hands All Over – Maroon 5
Everything Comes and Goes – Michelle Branch
The Business – Mark Ronson
100 Miles to Memphis – Sheryl Crow
Mojo – Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers
Relapse 2 - Eminem
Fresh – Devo
TBA – Sara Bareilles
TBA – KT Tunstall

And of course, what would a music preview be with the obligatory; maybe this will be the season that we actually get to hear Dr. Dre’s Detox.

Previewing Expedition Wild and Mystery Gorillas

Remember the horrible Eddie Murphy version of Dr. Doolittle where he tried to adapt a circus bear into the wild to mildly humorous effect. That is kind of what is going on with Expedition Wild: Project Kodiak premiering tonight at 9:00 on Nat Geo Wild. Casey Anderson is traveling to Kodiak, Alaska to view grizzly bears in the wild so he can teach his 900 hundred pound buddy Brutus to live like his relatives do like swimming in water and even create a waterfall to reenact a bear trying to catch a salmon swimming upstream. Along the trip, we even get a cameo from one of the stars from Soul Plane (no seriously, it took me a couple minutes to realize what I was seeing) who takes on Casey in a game of fly fishing.

Future episodes of Expedition Wild will focus on the wild wolves of Yellowstone, a journey with Casey trekking through Yellowstone during two key seasons – winter and spring – documenting every living thing he encounters; and a one hour special with the complete history of his relationship with Brutus. Check out a preview of tonight’s episode below:



The other programming premiering tonight right after Expedition Wild is Mystery Gorillas at 10:00. The show follows explorer Mireya Mayor as she immerse herself in the jungles of Africa studying wild gorillas including one that they affectionately call Ugly. They even discover gorillas using tools for the first time viewed by a human. But my favorite part of show is how all the westerners are dressed in earth tones that border on camouflage while the native tour guide wears a very bright colored basketball jersey. Check out a clip below: