We on Award Tour - 2006 MTV Video Music Awards Nominations

A day before their twenty-fifth birthday, which I’m sure they will celebrate with a marathon of The Hills rather than break out Thriller one more time, MTV has announced it’s nominations for its annual Video Music Awards. For most of its existence, the award show was ground breaking and even influenced older one. But lately it has just been a forum for artists to hype their latest endeavors. But with all the complaints, I’ll surely be turning in this year much like I have since I first got cable.

Even though the nominees were announced today, there is still no word on a host yet. You’d think after the debacle two years ago where they were host-less, they wouldn’t let that happen again even if that meant bringing in the unfunny Jimmy Fallon one more time. And after the poor performance the extremely boring Diddy last year that they would throw all their money in the budget at Chris Rock for one more go around. But some performers have already been confirm with Justin Timberlake who may or may not have the first dude on dude kiss in VMA history with former boy bander Lance Bass. Oh wait; Ben Affleck and Kevin Smith already did that, never mind then. Also scheduled are The Killers, Beyoncé, Ludacris, T.I., and five time nominee Panic! at the Disco, you know, that band with that horrible song and cheesy Ringling Brothers in a church video, they got more nominations than everyone but Shakira and the Red Hot Chili Peppers. And there wasn’t even a new category for band that best ripped off Fall Out Boy’s sound. The Raconteurs will provide the soundtrack for the event, not that I have a clue what that means, are they the house band or something?

In an odd change in VMA format, you actually have a chance to vote this year. This was put near the end of the press release from MTV with little explanation. So I’m not sure if the fans have total control or if we get one vote total. Either way, I this is a bad idea to end all bad ideas because as a wise man once said, “The world is full a stupid people.” So the winner won’t be the ones that deserve it rather those who have fans with absolutely no lives who have nothing better to do than sit on the internet and vote all day. But if you would like to vote, head over to the MTV website. Now on to the nominations for the awards that will be handed out August 31 (if you are interested in buying the video, click the song name where available in iTunes, if you just want the song, click the artist's name):


Video of the Year
Christina Aguilera: Ain't No Other Man
Madonna: Hung Up
Panic! at the Disco: I Write Sins Not Tragedies
Red Hot Chili Peppers: Dani California
Shakira f/ Wyclef Jean: Hips Don't Lie

Who Will Win: Dani California
Who Should Win: Hips Don’t Lie
Should Have Been Nominated: Gnarls Barkley: Crazy

I already stressed my dislike for Panic! and another head scratcher is Madonna. How does a chick on the wrong side of forty in a leotard get a Video of the Year nomination? And it wasn’t even a down year as Crazy, Gold Digger, Wake Me up When September Ends, Doesn’t Remind Me by Audioslave could have been in here.


Best Male Video
Busta Rhymes f/ Mary J. Blige, Rah Digga, Missy Elliott, Lloyd Banks, Papoose & DMX: Touch It (Remix)
James Blunt: You're Beautiful
Kanye West f/ Jamie Foxx: Gold Digger
Nick Lachey: What's Left of Me
T.I.: What You Know

Who Will Win: Kanye West
Who Should Win: Kanye West
Should Have Been Nominated: Jack Johnson: Upside Down

A poor category, they didn’t even nominate the right Busta Rhymes video (should have been My Chick). Then throw out the two wusses and the Antoine Merriwether look alike, and the only worthy video here is Kanye.


Best Female Video
Christina Aguilera: Ain't No Other Man
Kelly Clarkson: Because of You
Madonna: Hung Up
Nelly Furtado f/ Timbaland: Promiscuous
Shakira f/ Wyclef Jean: Hips Don't Lie

Who Will Win: Ain’t No Other Man
Who Should Win: Hips Don’t Lie
Should Have Been Nominated: Fiona Apple: Not About Love

Again with the old chick in the leotard, but she doesn’t have chance anyways. Nice to see two dudes in the Best Female Category like in previous years. Clarkson’s daddy issues video and is too depressing to win (Walk Away should have been here instead), so between the two hot chicks and the drag queen I’ll go with the best hip shaker to win (although the drag queen will win).


Best Group Video
The All-American Rejects: Move Along
Fall Out Boy: Dance, Dance
Gnarls Barkley: Crazy
Panic! at the Disco: I Write Sins Not Tragedies
Red Hot Chili Peppers: Dani California

Who Will Win: Dani California
Who Should Win: Crazy
Should Have Been Nominated: Death Cab for Cutie: Soul Meets Body

Death Cab for Cutie released two great videos in the past year yet neither got any love, except from me. I’m convinced that Panic! and Fall Out Boy are actually the same band so they cancel each other out so I think muck like the old guard Green Day were the big winner last year, the Red Hot Chili Pepper will get it this year.


Best Rap Video
50 Cent: Window Shopper
Busta Rhymes f/ Mary J. Blige, Rah Digga, Missy Elliott, Lloyd Banks, Papoose & DMX: Touch It (Remix)
Chamillionaire: Ridin'
T.I.: What You Know
Yung Joc f/ Nitty: It's Goin' Down

Who Will Win: What You Know
Who Should Win: Nothing

First off, there’s a rapper named Nitty? If you are on a song with some dude named Young Joc and you have the wussier name, that’s not a good sign. But anyways. It’s been five years since they introduced the Best Hip-Hop Video award but I still have no idea what the difference between these two awards yet. None of these videos or songs are any good so like my mom told me, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything.” So I’ll just go to the next category.


Best R&B Video
Beyoncé f/ Slim Thug: Check on It
Chris Brown: Yo (Excuse Me Miss)
Jamie Foxx f/ Ludacris: Unpredictable
Mariah Carey: Shake It Off
Mary J. Blige: Be Without You

Who Will Win: Check on It
Who Should Win: Be Without You
Should Have Been Nominated: Prince: Black Sweet

Another pretty sad category with only Mary J. the only thing worth watching here. Remember the good old days when there weren’t any rappers in R&B videos? No? Well it has been a long time.


Best Hip-Hop Video
Black Eyed Peas: My Humps
Common: Testify
Daddy Yankee: Rompe
Kanye West f/ Jamie Foxx: Gold Digger
Three 6 Mafia: Stay Fly

Who Will Win: Gold Digger
Who Should Win: Testify
Should Have Been Nominated: Heard ‘em Say: Kanye West &Adam Levine

Um, the Black Eyed Peas are considered hip-hop? Yeah, okay. Kanye will run away with this award anyways, but Testify had a much more entertaining storyline with actual actors, not just eye candy. In all actuality though, Kanye could have been nominated three times over here.


Best Dance Video
Madonna: Hung Up
Nelly Furtado f/ Timbaland: Promiscuous
Pussycat Dolls f/ Snoop Dogg: Buttons
Sean Paul: Temperature
Shakira f/ Wyclef Jean: Hips Don't Lie

Who Will Win: Hips Don’t Lie
Who Should Win: Temperature

Two of the video don’t even want to make me dance (Madonna, Pussycat Dolls) and it’s odd that the other ones were all featured in a cell phone commercial (good marketing ploy though because I can’t remember which one) so I’d give this to Sean Paul solely because of the bowling dude in his ad.


Best Rock Video
30 Seconds to Mars: The Kill
AFI: Miss Murder
Green Day: Wake Me up When September Ends
Panic! at the Disco: I Write Sins Not Tragedies
Red Hot Chili Peppers: Dani California

Who Will Win: Dani California
Who Should Win: Wake Me up When September Ends
Should Have Been Nominated: Pearl Jam: Life Wasted

Holy Jared Leto sighting! How did he sneak in here? Looking at these nominations, it looks like rock is truly dead. Where’s Pearl Jam, U2 or Snow Patrol? Seriously, will anyone care about Leto, AFI or Panic! in a year or two? Well at least there was no Nickelback.


Best Pop Video
Christina Aguilera: Ain't No Other Man
Madonna: Hung Up
Nelly Furtado f/ Timbaland: Promiscuous
Pink: Stupid Girls
Shakira f/ Wyclef Jean: Hips Don't Lie

Who Will Win: Hips Don’t Lie
Who Should Win: Hips Don’t Lie

Wait, isn’t this the same as the Best Female Video? Although why switch in Pink for Kelly Clarkson?


Best New Artist in a Video
Angels and Airwaves: The Adventure
Avenged Sevenfold: Bat Country
Chris Brown f/ Juelz Santana, Run It!
James Blunt: You're Beautiful
Panic! at the Disco: I Write Sins Not Tragedies
Rihanna: S.O.S.

Who Will Win: S.O.S.
Who Should Win: None
Should Have Been Nominated: Crazy

S.O.S. is the best video here, but I swear Rihanna was nominated in this category last year, so I refuse to put my support behind it. The rest of the nominees are all contenders for making my Worst Songs of 2006 list.


Viewer’s Choice
Chris Brown f/ Juelz Santana: Run It!
Fall Out Boy: Dance, Dance
Kelly Clarkson: Because of You
Rihanna: S.O.S.
Shakira f/ Wyclef Jean: Hips Don't Lie

Who Will Win: Dance, Dance
Who Should Win: Hips Don’t Lie
Should Have Been Nominated: Crazy

Again, this award typically goes to the artists whose fans are the biggest losers, so naturally Fall Out Boy will win. Oddly, the only category you cannot vote on as I write this is this one. All in all, this viewer chooses Gnarls Barkley as the best video of the past year. And not that I miss it, but what happened to the MTV2 award?


Best Direction in a Video
10 Years: Wasteland (Director: Christopher Sims)
AFI: Miss Murder (Director: Marc Webb)
Common: Testify (Director: Anthony Mandler)
Gnarls Barkley: Crazy (Director: Robert Hales)
Red Hot Chili Peppers: Dani California (Director: Tony Kaye)

Who Will Win: Dani California
Who Should Win: Testify

Testify could win a short film award, it’s that good. But in a measure of full discloser, I’ve never heard of 10 Years, let alone seen their video.


Best Choreography in a Video
Christina Aguilera: Ain't No Other Man
Madonna: Hung Up
Pussycat Dolls f/ Snoop Dogg: Buttons
Sean Paul: Temperature
Shakira f/ Wyclef Jean: Hips Don't Lie

Who Will Win: Hung Up
Who Should Win: Hips Don’t Lie

Déjà vu all over again as these videos were all nominated in the Best Dance Video category too. I’m sure Madonna will get one of these awards just to get her to show up and more out with more video hofessionals bevause that was that last time anyone actually talked about the VMA’s aside from how bad they were.


Best Special Effects in a Video
Angels and Airwaves: The Adventure
Beck: Hell Yes
Missy Elliott: We Run This
Pearl Jam: Life Wasted
U2: Original of the Species

Who Will Win: Life Wasted
Who Should Win: Original of the Species
Should Have Been Nominated: Crazy

A hard one between U2, Pearl Jam and Beck (which I though was last year though), but how was the Rorschach inspired Crazy not get a nod?


Best Art Direction in a Video
10 Years: Wasteland
Common: Testify
Panic! at the Disco: I Write Sins Not Tragedies
Red Hot Chili Peppers: Dani California
Shakira f/ Wyclef Jean: Hips Don't Lie

I think I’ll just end the commentary here because I don’t really care about the technical awards and I didn’t play any of the video games, but again, the awards will be handed out on August 31.


Best Editing in a Video
The All-American: Move Along
Angels and Airwaves: The Adventure
Gnarls Barkley: Crazy
Red Hot Chili Peppers: Dani California
U2: Original of the Species


Best Cinematography in a Video
AFI: Miss Murder
Ashlee Simpson: Invisible
James Blunt: You're Beautiful
Red Hot Chili Peppers: Dani California
Prince: Black Sweat

Okay one more comment: seriously, Ashlee Simpson?


Best Video Game Soundtrack
Final Night Round 3 (Electronic Arts)
Burnout Revenge (Electronic Arts)
NBA 2K6 (2K Games)
Driver: Parallel Lines (Atari)
Mark Ecko's Getting Up (Atari)


Best Video Game Score
Hitman: Blood Money (Jesper Kyd)
Ghost Recon: Advanced Warfighter (Tom Salta)
Dreamfall: The Longest Journey (Even Magnet Johansen)
Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion (Jeremy Soule)
Electroplankton (User Generated Soundtrack)

Why Go Up There When People Are Dying to Get Down Here?

As a child, one of the many reasons I loved Christmas was the many stop-motion animated specials that were shown at the time. But with the advent of CGI and other special effects of the like, the stop-motion art has nearly died. But luckily the genre has a savior in director Tim Burton who created A Nightmare before Christmas back in 1993. Over a decade later he Burton put out his second full length stop-motion animation feature film The Corpse Bride.

And since this is Tim Burton, the story is macabre and somehow sweet at the same time. The story takes place in Victorian times focusing on the arranged marriage of Victor, Johnny Depp in his sheepish Edward Scissorhands mode, and Victoria, voiced by Emily Watson (Punch-Drunk Love), yet somehow a joke was never made at this similarity. Unlike many arranged marriages, the two are smitten wit each other but this makes Victor a little too nervous as he messes up rehearsal. So he heads off to the woods to practice his vows only to unknowingly put the wedding ring on the finger of the undead who becomes, naturally, his corpse bride, as voiced by Helena Bonham Carter (Planet of the Apes, the Marky Mark version) and hilarity ensues. To all the dues that had to explain the stripper at your bachelor party, try explaining to you fiancée how you ended up married to the undead the night before your wedding.

The puppets themselves were brilliantly crafted and very similar to those seen in Nightmare with a lot of very tall, very skinny or very short and very obese characters. Each and every puppet that shows up on screen is so entertaining and detailed in their own way they each could have warranted their own movie. The motions of the puppets are very slick and are not at all choppy like the old Christmas specials. There are plenty of plot twists to keep you guessing who Victor end up with and even if you are like me and are able to guess the big twist early, it still doesn’t take away from the story.

The only problem with the movie is the stop-motion animation does get a little old as the film progresses. Maybe the Christmas specials had the right time frame with a half an hour runtime. But that is totally made up for in the DVD extras as there are seven mini-documentaries that run about five to ten minutes that show the behind the scenes on how the movie got made. Those alone make the DVD alone worth watching.

The Corpse Bride gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.

Give a Little Bit

Blogathon starts up in a couple hours (or already has depending on when you read this), not that I’ll be participating on account that I need as much beauty sleep as I can get. Well that and the people over at Blogathon didn’t think the Scooter McGavin Is Poor Fund was worthy enough. But anyways. Just because I won’t be doing a post every thirty minutes, doesn’t mean you can’t donate to some of my favorite charities, oh, like:

Liverstrong

Susan G. Kormen Breast Cancer Foundation

Leary Firefighters

Red Cross

Jimmy V Foundation

And of course if you are interested in donate to the Scooter McGavin Is Poor Fund, just shoot me an e-mail.

Now you may be saying “But Scooter, I’m so poor I make you look like Warren Buffet.” Well if that is the case, let me tell you a story. There was one guy who like us was so poor all he had to give at a recent Relay for Life was a quarter. He then said to one of the workers,

“I know twenty-five cents isn’t much, but do you know what a quarter can buy? It can buy a microscope slide and hopefully mine is the slide that is used when they finds the cure for cancer.”

So even if all you can spare is a quarter, that just may be the quarter that makes a difference.

Now like I said I won’t be participating in the Blogathon, but here are some of my favorite bloggers who will be, so you can check them out all day Saturday with a new post every thirty minutes:

Luka (National Down Syndrome Society)

All Night Org. (Maryland SPCA)

Katili (Planned Parenthood)


And maybe if you ask nicely in my comments, I may add you to the list if you are participating.

I Know This Part Ain’t Pretty but You Know I’ll be Busy

In the past decade, no one has had more influence on what the radio plays than the Neptunes production team. After a couple years of making hits for other artists, Pharrell Williams and Chad Hugo decides to make hits for themselves and released an album under the moniker N.E.R.D. (for those keeping track at home stands for Nobody Ever Really Dies), but their two albums were heavily ignored. Now Pharrell is out on his own for his first solo album, but unlike the N.E.R.D. projects that primarily used live musicians, In My Mind relies heavily on the beats that made him famous in the first place.

Even though this is a solo album, Pharrell does call in some favors from artists he made hits for like Jay-Z (Excuse Me Miss), Snoop Doggy Dogg (Drop it Like it’s Hot), Gwen Stefani (Hollaback Girl), and Nelly (Hot in Herre). He also brings around some artists from his record label including Slim Thug, Pusha T, and Lauren. And let’s be honest, there is a reason why Pharrell is know for his production, so he needs all the help he can get with his vocals.

What Pharrell is know for is making beats, but compared to his résumé, the ones on In My Mind are pretty weak and unmemorable. The best on the album is the drumline sounding How Does it Feel? but it still wouldn’t rank in the top twenty-five of his career. Another problem is that one of Pharrell’s endearing quality was his nerd (he did name his label Star Trak, get it?), skateboarding raps were much different that everything else going, but on this album he spends a lot of time raping about his bling, but just ends up sounding like every other rapper on the radio, but Pharrell’s flow just isn’t as good, well except for Nelly, even Aaron Carter can rap better than Nelly.

About half way through the album, Pharrell does give a try at being an R&B singer, but is about as successful as he is a rapper. Those song tend to be bogged down by cheesy early nineties lyrics like on Take it Off (Dim the Lights) where he tells us he’s a master at your bra. Um yeah, okay. He also occasionally tries to go with the Prince falsetto, but unlike the Purple One, can’t hit one note. Word has it that Pharrell delayed the release of this album multiple times because he wasn’t satisfied with the outcome but put it out now to meet fan demand. But after listening to it, he should have kept on working. The only thing worth listening to is Kanye West’s verse on Number One.

Song to Download - Number One

In My Mind gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.

If You Don't Run You Rust

There isn’t a musician that better represent Americana than Tom Petty with the exception of Bruce Springsteen (I am willing to listen to and argument for John Mellencamp). And with this being the thirtieth anniversary of his debut album, he’s still adding to his legacy with his latest outing Highway Companion. The album is actually a solo act, his third, but much like his previous solo records, this was see many of the Heartbreakers making an appearance including guitarist Mike Campbell who produced the album. Jeff Lynne, of Petty’s “other” group, The Traveling Wilburys, also helped out behind the boards.

There are some high expectations with this album as Petty’s previous solo albums were among the best of his career and whether he’s by himself or with the Heartbreakers, he has yet to release that wasn’t at the very least listenable. Highway Companion doesn’t break that streak but it still doesn’t reach the heights of Full Moon Fever or Wildflowers. Instead Petty shows his age by making songs that are most comparable to Neil Young during his mellow, folksy periods (think Harvest Moon).

The album starts off with the southern blues of Saving Grace. It’s interesting all the flack behind the Red Hot Chili Pepper’s Dani California sounding like Mary Jane’s Last Dance when this song’s guitar lick sounds very close to Chris Isaacs Baby Did a Bad Bad Thing, which in turn owed a little to La Grange by ZZ Top. But anyways. The song is still classic Petty with it’s sitting on the porch and enjoy life appeal. And that’s really all you will hear of the electric guitar being featured on the album until the soothing closer, The Golden Rose. The atmospheric ending puts a great cap to the album.

In between the two bookends are sparse songs that like up to the title of Highway Companion as they would be a great soundtrack for a trip across America. Jack skips around and sound like a long lost song from the mod sixties. Turn This Car Around has the Petty’s trademark cockiness that can be heard on some of he greatest hits. On the other end of the spectrum, the album also includes the sweetest song in Petty’s storied career, Square One. But the album, much like when Neil Young makes these types of album, runs into some tedium near the album and lack diversity in the songs. But there is something to say that these artists are still able to make albums worth listening to thirty years later, or longer in Young’s case.

Song to Download - Saving Grace

Highway Companion gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.

You’re a Flower Blooming in the Desert Sunshine

Sadly, Toby Lightman’s debut album was overlooked, but now she’s back for another try with a vastly improved and more mature sound. But Bird on a Wire doesn’t stray from the blue-eyed soul of her first outing. The opener Don’t Wake Me starts off with a gospel feel that turns funky quick drawing you into the album. Then Don’t let Go struts along and will make you tap your foot without realizing.

Throughout the album, the songs take you on different journeys like with Tripping which is reminiscing of the girl group era of the sixties. Round and Round lives up to its title as Lightman builds the song up only to have it come crashing down just to build it back up again. The acoustic guitar that starts off Alone sounds like a sped up version of Ryan Adam’s version of Wonderwall only to morph into a rocker that wouldn’t be out of place on a Michelle Branch album while Holding Me Down starts off much like Devils and Angels from her last album, but then goes into a different direction.. Overflowing bounces along like something you make have heard in a cabaret.

Where Lightman shows off her voice is when she slows things down and strips away and softens the backing musicians. On songs like My Sweet Song and One Sure Thing it sounds like she’s channeling Ella Fitzgerald but still makes the songs sound modern at the same time. Then there’s Better which could arguably have the best bass line of a slow song in recent memory aside from Crazy by Gnarls Barkley and Toby’s toned down voice on the track blends perfectly with it. The album closes with two songs, I’d Be Lost and Good Find, that should be listened to at night with the windows rolled down while leisurely driving. Hopefully for Toby Lightman the second time will be the charm.

Song to Download - Better

Bird on a Wire gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.

Musings From the Back 9 vol. XI

- As a big fan of lists, sometimes the absurd are more entertaining than the serious ones like Blender’s 25 Biggest Wusses… Ever! And you know you’re in for some big girly-men when Barry Manilow doesn’t even crack the top ten. But with every list there are the snubs the biggest being James Blunt and it’s odd that Hilary Duff (one of only two females) made the list yet the dude who’s dating Hilary Duff doesn’t. And what does it say about me that I own albums by five of the artists on the list, six if owning a Chicago album counts for Peter Cetera.

- In more horrible music news, Nicole Ritchie is next socialite to record an album. And before you tell me this isn’t a Paris Hilton situation because she is related to someone with actual talent, Lionel Richie, let me remind you she was adopted. Adopted or not, I really wish Nicole would stop tarnishing Lionel’s greatness (and no, he didn’t appear on the Wusses list).

- In more wusses new, Big Head Ozzie is at it again when he ripped apart another pitcher for not retaliate for a teammate being hit properly. Who cares that Jon Garland went into the ninth for a win when he won’t participate in an arcane tradition. And of course the wuss of the story is Bud Selig who won’t suspend Ozzie Guillen even though this will be the second time he ordered a pitcher to throw at someone.

- In more oversized dome news, happy birthday to Big Head Bonds who got an early present when he escaped indictment for the second time. But thanks to his attorney taunting the federal prosecutor, it looks like he will try to make the third time a charm. Maybe this time, try catching Big Head Barry and the Monsters making a ham sandwich because I heard those were so east to indict.

- Expect a few album reviews this week as there are a few good, or at the very least newsworthy, albums being released tomorrow with something for everyone, a little rock, rap, pop, and maybe some R&B.

- The television season ended two months ago yet asides from Rescue Me there hasn’t been anything to watch even though I people continually talking about dudes singing karaoke, dudes dancing, dudes sitting around doing nothing, dudes embarrishing themselves in front of David Hasselhoff, chicks hanging out in Los Angeles. Yawn, yawn, and more yawning. Wake me up in two weeks when the real summer television season starts. Chek out this clip courtesy of YouTube for a preview:




And as an added bonus, here’s some casting footage (you may not want to play this at work, or really if there is anyone around):




- And lastly I will be starting up a fantasy football league soon so if you are interested in getting beat like red-headed stepchild participate, shoot be an e-mail, ScooterKSU@aol.com.

Most of All You've Got to Hide it From the Kids

There is nothing better than finding out your family history is the basis of a book and movie especially when it’s a salacious one. That would be the premise, and pretty ingenious one, for Rumor Has It… The movie follows Jennifer Aniston (Leprechaun) as she slowly starts to realize that her mother and grandmother were the people who inspired The Graduate. Throwing a bigger wrinkle into her life is the possible that the real life Dustin Hoffman character could be her father.

The dude in question is Kevin Costner (Waterworld) who plays the real life graduate even though he never did but as he tells it The Dropout wasn’t as catchy. Shirley McLaine (Cannonball Run II) is the matriarch and first female in the family to bed Costner. Then there is Mark Ruffalo, who has been in almost forty films but has yet to be memorable in one, as Aniston’s fiancée who puts up with her cold feet and search for her possible father because, well, he looks like Mark Ruffalo and she looks like Jennifer Aniston. Rounding out the cast is my hero, Shooter McGavin himself as one of Costner’s business buddies.

Even though the plot is a clever one, the film sinks in its delivery which seems to be a theme in the last couple movies I’ve seen. It is like the producers, which this film actually had ten of including Ocean’s 11 duo of George Clooney and Steven Soderbergh, get a topic that they feel could write itself. But in this film, the laugh are far and few in between or beat to death. The funniest bits come when they reference the film especially when Aniston wonder why she wasn’t told of her family secret to which Ruffalo sing “But most of all you got to hide it from the kids.” But not all The Graduate reference are great as it sometimes felt as if you needed to just see the film to get the joke, which I haven’t in more than a decade. Another sticking point with the film was Aniston in full Rachel Green mode not getting the memo that this was a film and not a sitcom. Her overacting got old quicker as her show did (for those keeping track at home, that would be sometime around the second season).

Rumor Has It… gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.

When They Own the Information They Can Bend it all They Want

There have been a couple of videos that have caught my eye lately so I though I’d give them some love since the death of Musical Television left a void for a forum on the art form. I advise you to watch them before you read my reviews if you don’t want me to spoil things. If you are interested in buying the video click the title (where available), if you just want a song follow the link in the analysis.

Jurassic 5 - Work it Out



So I have ripped people for piling on President Bush lately because I’m just bored of it all and quite frankly most of it isn’t at all entertaining. Well enter Jurassic 5 with the best political commentary since the stolen election. Granted they could have done a better job casting as the dude really don’t look that much like Bush, and I wasn’t sure if the other old white dude was Dick Cheney or Karl Rove until he had a heart attack. As we learned from Arrested Development, there is nothing funnier than a dude on a Segway. And yes, if you missed the iPod screen, that is the namesake of the Dave Matthews Band singing the chorus and I believe the drummer is also on the track. But like I said earlier, piling on Bush just isn’t funny because really, they can’t top what the man does himself like this David Letterman Top 10 List (keep in mind this is even before the German Chancellor back rub incident):




Sandi Thom - I Wish I Was a Punk Rock Girl with Flowers in My Hair



Okay, I hope you ignored the extremely cheesy title, because the song by newcomer Sandi Thom is really catchy. In a measure of full disclosure, I must admit that she does give two (inadvertent) shout outs to me in the song one being the dude who originally song the flower in your hair song is my namesake (my other name, well that may just be a coincidence) and the other you will just have figure out yourself, which I doubt you will.


John Mayer - Waiting on the World to Change



Not a proper video nor the full song, but John Mayer’s first single is am early contender to top the Best Songs of 2006 list. The album Continuum won’t be out until September, but you can download the song in iTunes now see the ad below. But if you are cheap, or like me and will wait and buy the entire album when it comes out, you can stream the song on his website johnmayer.com.

The Best of Pearl Jam

For long time readers to the 9th Green know I love making mix tapes. A subset to this is my Best Of series. I routinely make my own because inevitably they leave off some of my favorite songs on Greatest Hits packages (the worst offender being I’m on Fire being left off of Bruce Springsteen’s). Even though the resurgence of Pearl Jam has since died down after the release of their new album, I’ll still hype the band with my Best Of for the band. Keep in mind this was made before its release, granted I’m not sure if any of those songs could bump something of this set. This CD comes in at 77:28.


1. Alive - Ten
2. Porch - Ten
3. Black - Ten
4. Dirty Frank - Even Flow Single
5. Dissident - Vs.
6. Rearviewmirror - Vs.
7. Daughter - Vs.
8. Elderly Woman Behind the Counter In a Small Town - Vs.
9. Indifference - Vs.
10. Yellow Ledbetter - Jeremy Single
11. Better Man - Vitalogy
12. Nothingman - Vitatogy
13. Immortality - Vitalogy
14. Corduroy - Vitalogy - Vitalogy
15. I Got ID - Merkinball
16. Given to Fly - Yield
17. Last Kiss - No Boundaries

I’m sure there will be must debate to this album (I never liked Jeremy, and this is my list), so feel free to comment on what you would add and or subtract. And as an added bonus, in a recent issue of Rolling Stone they had a Best of the Boots list which picked the best songs from their 176 official concert bootlegs:

1. Daughter - Las Vegas (11/30/93)
2. Go - East Rutherford, N.J. (9/8/98)
3. Corduroy - Virginia Beach, VA (8/3/00)
4. Yellow Ledbetter - Cincinnati (8/20/00)
5. Alive - Seattle (11/6/00)
6. Sometimes - Mansfield, Mass (7/11/03)
7. World Wide Suicide - Grand Rapids, Mich (5/19/06)

First Impressions: The Amazing Screw-On Head

Many of probably haven’t heard of The Amazing Screw-On Head unless you are a die hard comic book fan. But it’s the latest to get the Hollywood treatment, but instead it will be on the small screen. And when I mean small screen, I do mean small as in Sci-Fi channel small. But even though the air until July 27, I was given an advance screening because, well, I rule^*.

For those that are not aware of the comic (much like me), it centers on a, well, screw-on head, that is ironically enough amazing. This is a period piece circa the Civil War with the Screw-On Head working for Abraham Lincoln to protect national security. Even though they didn’t show up in the pilot episode, I have a feeling the Confederate will be showing up quite frequently. Maybe it will turnout that Stonewall Jackson was actually a robot.

Also helping out the screw-on head is his trusty manservant, the disturbingly named Mr. Groin, who successors all have killed by his first turned arch-nemesis, Emperor Zombie who, like most arch-nemesis(es), is trying to take over the world. And if killing all his menservants weren’t enough, Emperor Zombie even turned his one true love into a vampire. And we even get to see a flashback of the, um, love affair between the crew-on head and a human.

The pedigree behind the show is not too shabby either. First the comic book that is based on is from the same guy who created Hellboy. The do a real good job creating the show as it is the first cartoon that looks like a comic book put to motion without looking cheesy. The show itself is being produced by Bryan Fuller, the guy who brought us Dead Like Me and the canceled way too soon Wonderfalls. Oscar nominee Paul Giamatti is the voice of the Screw-On Head. Patton Oswalt, squandered on the unfunny King of Queens, is the manservant and Dr. Niles Crane is the brilliant Emperor Zombie. Mindy Sterling, best know as Dr. Evil’s underling Frau Farbissina, here plays a pair of Zombie’s underlings.

The show can quickly become the best cartoon on television the pilot is any indication. I has that campy humor that made Wonderfalls great (I never saw Dead Like Me because I too cheap to subscribe to a premium channel) and were plenty of laugh out load moments and plenty of chuckles to fill the gaps. Hopefully this is a start of a new wave of comic book adaptations because there were way too many bad live action versions.

^*To be totally honest, you too can view the pilot early at the Sci-Fi website and even take a nine question questionnaire afterwards.

Verdict: Even though I watch more Sci-Fi programming over the internet than on my television (which is none), I may have find out what channel it is on to watch The Amazing Screw-On Head.

I’m Still Texican to the Bone

Two summers ago, the Los Lonely Boys invaded the radio with the extremely catchy Heaven. The south of the border rock with harmonies was a refreshing diversion from all the rap and overproduced pop that still litters the radio landscape today and even won the Boys a Grammy that year. But the song, as catch as it was, did have the trappings of a one hit wonder though the band is back trying to avoid that dreaded label.

The new album Sacred starts right where they left off with their mix of their Texas upbringing and Mexican heritage all brought together with a pop appeal. The album’s first song, My Way, has almost a cabaret sound. Roses on the other hand has a disco feel it as if Chic had grown up in Texas. Later on the album, Texican Style has a sixties vibe to it. All these different blend nicely with the already established TexMex sound the band has cultivated. But the problem with the album though, is they don’t stray to far from the style making it repetitive at times.

Songs like Diamonds sound as if they sat down and tried to create another Heaven. It also sounds like their cameo on Santana’s last album rubbed off because before looking at the musicians on the album, I though a few of the tracks featured the legendary guitarist. The imitations don’t start there as the first time I heard the opening riff to the closing track, Living My Life, I though they were redoing Stone Temple Pilots Creep. The Boys do branch out a little lyrically with the quasi-political One More Day stating, “Even the blind man sees what’s wrong with the world today” then stresses that that all we need is one more day to make a change.

The standout track Outlaws features two of the Boys biggest influences, Willie Nelson and the guy who taught the Boys everything they know, their own father Enrique Garza Sr. The two add their own verse reminiscing on old Texas when the outlaws could also be the heroes. The two mentors light a spark under their protégés as there is an intensity that is sometimes missing on other tracks. Maybe on the next outing, they should make the trio into a five piece.

Song to Download - Outlaws

Sacred gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.

We on Award Tour: 2006 ESPY's

The ESPY’s are quickly becoming the most entertaining award show of the year. This is most likely because this is the only award show for athletes, whom are actually gracious and excited to be there whereas there are plenty of award shows for acting and music and it shows on the faces of the attendees who looked bored at having to sit through another one and most likely only show up to promote something. Also unlike the end of the year the ESPY’s have little competition as the only award show in July and a good month after the MTV Movie Awards and a month or so before the Emmy’s and Video Music Awards. Plus the ESPY’s has the best award on the docket with the Arthur Ashe Award for Courage which is always tear jerking and since it’s sports related and on ESPN, it is socially acceptable for dude to cry during it. This year was the first time an actual athlete hosted the show and after setting the bar pretty low with his stint as a Saturday Night Live host, Lance Armstrong pretty much met expectation as the master of ceremony. Here are some observations from the show last night:

- Another reason why the ESPY’s are better than other award shows is because their pre-show doesn’t feature any creepy chicks that have had way too much plastic surgery. Instead we get Stuart Scott, Melyssa Ford, best know as a video ho-fessional, and the Black Widow, Jeanette Lee, someone everyone who has all thirty ESPN probably know, and if you don’t her, she’s a pool player. Not necessarily a murder’s row of interviewers, but at least Star Jones and her remodeled alien face were nowhere to be found.

- Nice that the pre-show starts off with a blatant plug for The Contender. Maybe this is just like every other award show.

- They even gave out some awards in the pre-show including Best Coach which was one by Bill Cowher. As much as I don’t like the dude, it was nice to see he’s re-growing his boy bander beard.

- During a commercial break, I flipped over to I Love the 70’s (which by the way, I don’t) and they were ironically talking about the start of ESPN and they asked Stu Scott what it stood for and he said he didn’t know. Make me fell a little better about not knowing.

- Best part of the pre-show was when Ford asked the High School Payer of the Year where she was going to college and she responded University of Connecticut, Ford asked, “UConn?” Way to pick someone with a low sports IQ.

- You just got to love Julius Jones’ comment about his new teammate Terrell Owens and how his different team, different T.O. sounds exactly like what Donavan McNabb said about this time two years ago. Have fun Cowboys fan.

- It looks like Gary Payton is already positioning himself as a NBA Draft analysis guy after he retires with his “upside” comment on Dwayne Wade. I think a Finals MVP really doesn’t have much “upside” left.

- As much as I wish Carmen Electra would just disappear, she has no discernable talent and you can find hotter chicks going down to your local fitness center, but I love how Stu Scott asked her about former husband Dennis Rodman. C’mon E!, skip the creepy looking Joan Rivers, Star Jones and Kathy Griffin this year and have Stu on the red carpet at the Emmy’s this year. I’d turn in for that.

- Obvious edit after Stu asked Danica Patrick about her boss David Letterman, I wonder what was cut out.

- Is it wrong that I have to chuckle every time I see Kobe Bryant out with his wife? Too bad Stu didn’t ask them about the white chick.

- The pre-show just happened to be ESPN2, and when 9:00 came around, Stu reminded us to switch over to ESPN, but when I did just that, it was the seventh inning of a Mets-Cubs game. Not only that, the game was a blow out, 13-5. with thirty channels, I don’t know why they just didn’t move the game to The Ocho. What’s worse was the actual awards were handed out Wednesday, a day with no sports going on. I don’t know why they just didn’t show it live them. What else could have been going on, the WNBA All-Star Game? Then I didn’t realize that I could have been watching Chappelle’s Show while I waited until after it ended. Then finally the ESPY’s started at 9:40.

- The show started out with quite possible the highlight of the evening, with it’s images of the past year that included highs and lows as well as obligatory memoriam section and a section for those who retired in the past year.

- As mediocre as Lance is at delivering a punch line, I still had to laugh at when he said he’d give his left nut to host the show and of course what award show would be complete without a Brokeback Mountain joke, this time when Lance said he was surprised to see Jake Gyllenhaal in the front row because he likes it in the rear. Nice to see they employed middle schoolers to write the monologue.

- First presenter of the night is Janet Jackson whose last appearance at a sporting event went… well, you know. She was out to present the Best Championship Performance. I find it interesting that the winner, Dwayne Wade, was also the only nominee whose championship performance wasn’t just one game. I’m not sure this is actually fair, maybe they should split this into two categories, one for game/match, the other for series.

- The Kip Pringle skit was decent, not quite the quality of MTV Movie Awards skits (Jessica Alba one’s not withstanding). Essentially what you have is Dwight Shrute from The Office playing himself but switched Lance in place of Michael Scott.

- Shawn White’s face when he lost Best Breakthrough Athlete was priceless. It’s like for the last month people were telling him he was a show-in, not realizing they were just blowing smoke. You’d think he just saw his girlfriend on a sex tape with another dude.

- Now it’s time for the serious part of the ceremony where Lance hypes his charity along with the Jimmy V Foundation. For these that were wondering who the mother and daughter they kept on showing during this part, they were ESPY nominee for Best Moment, Dakota Dowd and her mother, who has terminal cancer. Also, if you didn’t catch them, the websites that were talked about here were livestrong.org and JimmyV.org.

- I find it interesting the chick that presented with LeBron James wouldn’t let go of is arm. Now I’m not saying she’s a golddigger…

- As great as the thumb wresting challenge was, I fear after putting on “sports” like dominos, Scrabble, and spelling bees, this may give the programmers at ESPN an idea.

- You got to love how they played the sexist You Shook Me All Night Long during the Best Female Athlete montage.

- Did we really need what boils down to a ten minute commercial for the Ricky Bobby? The movie itself asks the question, its their enough humor in dudes turning left for hours to warrant a movie lampooning it?

- Next up is the reason why people who don’t even pay attention to sports should watch the ESPY’s: The Arthur Ashe Award for Courage. This year’s recipients were two young Afghani women who organized a soccer league for girl their age. It’s heartbreaking to hear these girls have to play behind a military wall for their own protection. I’ve said it before, but I’ll say it again, this is the best part of any award show.

- Yet another Will Ferrell bit. I’m beginning to think I’m the only one who doesn’t think this guy is funny. Really the funniest part of his serenade to Lance was Matt Leinart’s expression when Ferrell sang the line, “you’ve been everywhere in France except for Paris… Hilton’s pants.” Speaking of dudes who just saw his girlfriend’s sex tape.

- As much as I don’t understand the allure of dues turning left, I’m equally puzzled by the popularity of college football. This may have to due with my college team winning about as many games as years I attended. But really the fan base of many teams are guys who didn’t go to that school, or are not even smart enough to get into college. It a sham that the National Championship Game beat out a walk of home run in the 18th that ended a series after the winner game back from five down, tieing it up with their last batter in the 9th. They should bring back the IQ test for voting whether it be for the president or the ESPY’s.

- For those keeping track at home, there were three Brokeback Mountain jokes last night.

- The best part of Jason McElwain winning for best moment was how exited the other nominees looked when he won (there was a four way cut screen when the winner was announced) with the George Mason coach being the first to congratulate him. Hopefully Shawn White takes note when he watches the rebroadcast.

- As much as I dislike Marky Mark, I got to love how he made fun of Ben Roethlisberger just before the Steelers won Best Team. I find it interesting who ESPN tried to build this up to be a big, touching event. This isn’t Christopher Reeves at the Oscars, did they really expect people would cheer a dude fore making a bonehead decision. It would have been like had the ESPY’s made Kobe the big surprise appearance right after being acquitted of raping a white chick. And after reading live reports of the award show, I wouldn’t be surprised had ESPN edited in some cheers. And a question for Steelers fan, did Ben have a lazy eye before the accident? His right eye has definitely been wondering around lately, maybe I just never noticed it before.

- The show ends appropriately enough, with an audience full of overpaid athletes, with The O’Jays singing for The Love of Money. Fun times.