The Tax Man Come and Take it Away

April 15th, and you know what that mean, all us smart people have our tax refunds already. And for all you procrastinators out there, well, you most likely are too busy to be reading this, so really I have nothing for you. The most interesting this about my tax refund this year is that it came along with an advertisement. I found that odd, but anything that keeps my taxes down, I'm keen on (would anyone be against the Lego's Pentagon or the Aquafina Reflecting Pool?). But the advertisement was from the Office of Women's Health. I'm trying to remember if I checked the wrong box last census.

One little griping point, even though I enjoy the hefty refund I get each Spring I can never understand why they just take out the right amount each paycheck? I'm a simple man with a simple life; I can't image it that hard for them to figure it out. If it takes filling out a new W2 each year, have the correct tax taken out each week, I'm for that rather than wrestling with all the tax forms the government sends me each January.

Rockin' in the Free World

The NY Times reported the other day about the songs that George W. Bush has on his iPod. Since the article, White House Letter: President Bush's iPod (free sign up required), said he still has a lot of space left, I thought I would be nice enough to give him some suggestions he might want to add taken from my own personal iPod:

This Land Is Your Land - Woody Guthrie
Blowin' in the Wind - Bob Dylan
The Times They Are A-Changin' - Bob Dylan
People Get Ready - The Impressions
God Only Knows - The Beach Boys
For What It's Worth - Buffalo Springfield
America - Simon & Garfunkel
Folsom Prison Blues - Johnny Cash
Politician - Cream
Fortunate Son - Creedence Clearwater Revival
The Star Spangled Banner - Jimi Hendrix
Wild World - Cat Stevens a.k.a. Yusuf Islam
American Pie - Don McLean
Mercy Mercy Me (The Ecology) - Marvin Gaye
Ohio - Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young
What's Going On - Marvin Gaye
Inner City Blues (Make Me Wanna Holler) - Marvin Gaye
Get Up, Stand Up - Bob Marley & The Wailers
Higher Ground - Stevie Wonder
I Shot the Sheriff - Bob Marley & The Wailers
Living for the City - Stevie Wonder
Sweet Home Alabama - Lynyrd Skynyrd
Pastime Paradise - Stevie Wonder
(What's So Funny 'Bout) Peace, Love and Understanding - Elvis Costello
I Fought the Law - The Clash
Redemption Song - Bob Marley & The Wailers
Allentown - Billy Joel
Goodnight Saigon - Billy Joel
The Message - Grandmaster Flash
Rock the Casbah - The Clash
Authority Song - John Cougar Mellencamp
Buffalo Soldier - Bob Marley & The Wailers
Pink Houses - John Cougar Mellencamp
Born in the U.S.A. - Bruce Springsteen
Pride (In the Name of Love) - U2
Small Town - John Mellencamp
Living in America - James Brown
The Way It Is - Bruce Hornsby & The Range
Have a Little Faith in Me - John Hiatt
It's the End of the World as We Know It (And I Feel Fine) - R.E.M.
Sign 'O' the Times - Prince
Cult of Personality - Living Colour
Fight the Power - Public Enemy
F*** tha Police - N.W.A.
Rockin' in the Free World - Neil Young
Running on Faith - Eric Clapton
We Didn't Start the Fire - Billy Joel
By the Time I Get to Arizona - Public Enemy
Can't Truss It - Public Enemy
Lies - EMF
Losing My Religion - R.E.M.
Money Don't Matter 2 Night - Prince & The New Power Generation
New Jack Hustler - Ice-T
Sometimes I Rhyme Slow - Nice & Smooth
Freedom - Rage Against the Machine
Killing in the Name - Rage Against the Machine
Rooster - Alice in Chains
Steve Biko (Stir It Up) - A Tribe Called Quest
Bad Reputation - Freedy Johnston
Sabotage - Beastie Boys
The Ghost of Tom Joad - Bruce Springsteen
Bulls on Parade - Rage Against the Machine
If God Will Send His Angels - U2
Sleep Now in the Fire - Rage Against the Machine
Testify - Rage Against the Machine
B.O.B. (Bombs Over Bagdad) - OutKast
No More Drama - Mary J. Blige
Politik - Coldplay
Son of a Bush - Public Enemy
The Horizon Has Been Defeated - Jack Johnson
Where Is the Love? - Black Eyed Peas
Bad Day - R.E.M.
Cinnamon Girl - Prince
Jesus Walks - Kanye West
Megalomaniac - Incubus
MKLVFKWR - Public Enemy & Moby
Mosh - Eminem
Right Right Now Now - Beastie Boys
Time to Build - Beastie Boys
American Idiot - Green Day
When the President Talks to God - Bright Eyes

Did I miss anything?

Just Don't Bring Too Many Dudes

There are a couple music videos that have caught my eye lately. I thought I would wax poetic on a couple of note.

Weezer - Beverly Hills

The best video is by a group who constantly puts out get videos from the Happy Days inspired Buddy Holly to The Muppets inspired Keep Fishin'. Now Weezer is back with a romp with their fans through the Playboy Mansion. The video starts off with Hef calling the drummer, Pat (whom seems to get the best parts in the videos as he was last seen being kidnapped by Miss Piggy) seeing if the band wanted to drop by to play for "the girls." And when Pat asked if he could bring some friends, Hef responds "Just don't bring too many dudes," which could be the downfall of any party. After that, we are treated to three and a half minutes of Weezer mixing with Playboy Playmates. And I could be wrong, but I believe there is a Jessica Biel sighting too. Unfortunately for me, as a member of their website, I got an invite to an undisclosed location to film their new video. Had I known that the undisclosed location was the Playboy Mansion, I might have bought a plain ticket to California. Throughout the video, the Weezer fans started flashing the Weezer symbol that I can't help to think is almost the exact sign for "Wu-Tang Clan ain't nothing to (mess) with."

The song itself is the catchiest Weezer song since, well the last Weezer single off the last album. The big different from past songs is that Beverly Hills was produced by Rick Rubin (think Jay-Z's 99 Problems, Red Hot Chili Pepper's Blood Sugar Sex Magic, and Beastie Boys' Licence to Ill) who brings the dirty bass line of the song. The lyrics, of course, follows a nerd who dreams of living the big life but then realizes he wouldn't fit. And nothing proves this theory than the video itself.

Rob Thomas - Lonely No More

Another funny video, albeit for a different reason, is the first solo song by Rob Thomas, the leader of matchboxtwenty. The funny part of the video for Lonely No More isn't the inexplicable set changes, no it's Rob Thomas trying to dance. The first time I saw it, I dropped to the floor laughing. It shot strait to the top of my list of funniest thing I've seen this year. For those who haven't seen it yet, and if you haven't, I highly recommend you do, his dance look like a cross between Axl Rose's snake dance and the sway back and forth dance from JoJo's first video. And yes, it is disturbingly funny as it sounds.

Mariah Carey - It's Like That

Now lets move on to a video that isn't even ironically funny like Rob Thomas', the new Mariah Carey video, It's Like That. It's sad that Mariah doesn't realize that she can no longer pull off the sexpot image of the Honey era. This is the one of the major reasons her last couple albums have flopped. The other being that she is not relevant in the hip-hop community no matter how many guest rapper/producers she has on her album. It may be time for an intervention trying to convince here to go back to the adult contemporary music she made on her first couple albums. If you think about it, those fans who grew up with her early stuff are in their late 20's into their early 40's and are primed for a more mellow, soulful Mariah. For the video, it starts off with the uber-annoying Jermaine Dupri, grant there is nothing I can't say about him that Dr. Dre already said in Say What U Said. The rest of the video is Mariah trying to pull sexy off with a lot wind blown hair and even more skin despite her getting thicker by the year. Then, for no apparent reason, Eric Roberts show up just to stand around. I don't know if this was an extenuation of the Killers' Mr. Brightside, but it made no sense. And speaking of extenuations, the video ends with a "To Be Continued..." Just what we need, another video with no plot. It would be like finishing Napoleon Dynamite with a "To Be Continued..."

Jack Johnson - Sitting, Waiting, Wishing

Lastly is a new favorite artist of mine, Jack Johnson. The video concept for Sitting, Waiting, Wishing is pretty simple, film a lot of destructive images backwards. Not the most original concept as The Pharcyde did the same thing in the Spike Jones directed Drop ten years ago. Nonetheless, definitely something you want to check out. Plus you got to admire anyone who can sing backwards while being attacked by different food products.

Musings From the Back 9

I found this over at He Says, She Says and had to take the test myself. Must be a very scientific test if I end up being my boy, Indiana Jones.


:: how jedi are you? ::
Some other musings that don't deserve their own place:

- Why is everyone knocking Tiger Woods for putting off the green and Billy Casper for dropping a 105 at the Masters? Don't those happen all the time (or is it just me)?

- I was checking out the status of my new name (yes I'm conceited, so what) and found out that there is another Scooter McGavin who started a petition to legalize a certain banned substance and I'm not referring to the cream or the clear. And to top things off, the petition is being sent to the government. Why don't they just send a letter to the government asking to be arrested? Morons.

- Am I the only one who was mad when they realized Fair Enough was not really an upcoming sitcom. I first saw the ad on Fox, so I was convince that it was real. This would have instantly been the second best sitcom next to Arrested Development.

- I passed on Sin City this weekend and last after picking up a promo DVD at Best Buy that had three scenes and a couple of documentaries. It looks like the film will look great visually but the plot seems a little slow and fits better as a comic book graphic novel than a movie. Although I can almost guarantee that I'll take a look at it when the DVD comes out. (Also keep in mind that it not too visually groundbreaking either as Boyz II Men did the back and white with drops of color almost 15 years ago in the It's So Hard to Say Goodbye to Yesterday video.)

- Another movie I won't be seeing this weekend, or ever for that matter is Fever Pitch. Any male who is seen coming out of this movie should have his Man Card promptly revoked.

- Stat of the day: Roger Clemens is 3 for 3 with the bases loaded and batting .333 with runners in scoring position. Granted his batting average will be raised after yesterdays game when, after the Reds intentionally walking Willy Taveras and letting him steal second, Clemens batted in two runs on an infield hit. This turned out to be the game winner as the Astros won 3-2.

- Big Head Barry Update: He is currently rehabbing with BALCO's own Greg Anderson whom Big Head Barry referred to as a "wonderful person, a very, very giving person." The problem, Big Head Barry, is when what the person is giving you happens to be an illegal substance, that is not a good thing. It's quality over quantity that counts, Barry.

Your Not Going to Die!!!

Well it seems that I have lost the Lost office pool. I had Boone killing Sayid. But the though of losing money (more on that later) wasn't the thing that made me the most queasy last night, as a person who is disturbingly fearful of blood, I had my hands over my eyes like a twelve year old girl watching a horror movie for the first time for most of the episode. They really need to put a warning at the beginning of the episode telling me "Do not eat during this episode or you will heave."

Now on to my feeble prediction that most likely won't come true. I have a feeling that my gambling money is not completely lost (pun intended) yet as I predict that a regenerated Boone will come out of the mysterious hatch along with Ethan and the dead cop. As for my blatantly obvious prediction of the week, Claire's baby will be named Boone.

Last night they also added to the numerous questions like did Jack get married or not? We saw him give his vows but we did not see the "I do's." Also I don't remember seeing a wedding ring on him. Did he eventually get divorced? I wish they would get around to answering some questions before making more arise.

If I Get Boring, Would You Still Call Me Superman?

A recent gift provides me a chance to review the third album by 3 Doors Down, Seventeen Days. The first aspect of the album that jumps out at me is not one but two FBI Anti-Piracy Warning. The first warning on the back cover, is something I've seen recently. The new one is planted right on the CD itself. Unlike the one on the back cover, The FBI warning on the CD is pretty big and takes up about 1/5 of the CD. The RIAA is really going too far with the Anti-Piracy agenda when they are impeding on the actually artwork. I'm not going to go any further on my rant, but I will encourage you again to check out Mark Cuban's thoughts on the RIAA - Let’s test the RIAA logic… - Blog Maverick.

On first listen of the album, I found it very hard to distinguish one song from the next. The only song that stood out was Landing in London featuring Bob Seger. Yes the man that inspired many of us in the 80's to slide across wood floor in nothing but a dress shirt and our underwear (or am I the only one?). Sadly Bob didn't bring the Silver Bullet Band.

I heard somewhere the album's name was inspired by the time they spent making the record. It shows as every song blends into each other with only the tempo changing. 3 Doors Down started their career off right with a thoroughly good debut, The Better Life. Each song had its own feel to it. Kryptonite was something out of the post-grunge era, maybe something the Smashing Pumpkins might have done if they grew up in the South. I will always be partial to this song as I used the first line of the chorus as a deterrent to a girl who became too needy. Loser was like a harder version of a Smiths' song that progressed into a rocker. Duck and Run was a strait ahead rocker that could get you pumped up for some kind of sporting event (or if you are like me, anything competitive). Then you had the introspective Be Like That which was something you put on during a summer night with the windows rolled down. All songs different, but all great in their own right.

Then the follow-up album, Away From the Sun, is when they tried to perfect the power balled with song like When I'm Gone, The Road I'm On, and the title track or they went with the strait balled like Here Without You that ended up sounding like a more depressing version of Be Like That. All in all, not as good as their debut, but good enough for a listen.

That leads us back to the new album which won't be breaking any new ground. It was almost like some one suggested they needed to dumb down their music to attract the matchboxtwenty market (which is not a good thing) and sadly they took the suggestion. Hopefully 3 Doors Down listens to their first album for influence for their next album. Or bring Bob Seger back again and have him give them some Old Time Rock & Roll advise.

Seventeen Days gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.

Bond's Giant Head

I had yet another draft last night this time in the Bash Brothers league. I got an even worse draft slot being the last out of ten. But on the bright side, both Soriano and Santana (not Carlos) slipped down for me to snap up with the 10th and 11th picks with B. Abreu, I. Rodríguez, M. Ramírez, and S. Rolen going before me. Also during the draft I was able to steal another team's 2nd pick (Helton) for my 4th (Blalock). We both got conditional late round picks. Only time will tell who got the better side of this deal, but on paper, I seem to be making out. I'm also looking to sure up the bullpen with trade to get J. Affeldt and unload a questionable Wright. He is this year’s roster for Bond's Giant Head:

C - J. Lopez (Bal)
1B - T. Helton (Col)
2B - A. Soriano (Tex)
3B - P. Feliz (SF)
SS - O. Cabrera (LAA)
OF - C. Patterson (ChC)
OF - C. Lee (Mil)
OF - A. Huff (TB)
Util - J. Uribe (CWS)

BN
J. Morneau (Min)
P. Lo Duca (Fla)
M. Cuddyer (Min)

SP
J. Santana (Min)
C. Zambrano (ChC)
M. Mussina (NYY)
Ja. Wright (NYY)
B. Backe (Hou)

RP
B. Lidge (Hou)
B. Ryan (Bal)
G. Aquino (Ari)
A. Otsuka (SD)

Sadly this may not be the final team for me as I looking into entering an NL only roto league.

Daylight Fading

I hope everyone remembered to turn their clocks forward today as Daylight Saving Time started last night a 2 AM. Or if your watch is like mine, it's actually right for the first time in six months. But we really need to ask ourselves why do have to lose an hour of sleep every year. DST, of course, was started back during World War I to conserve fuel. It was so unpopular at the time; it was repealed a year later. But years later, during WWII, it was brought back, this time renamed War Time. It nice to see our government has always presented unpopular legislation with popular names. Patriot Act anyone? This time, in addition to conserve energy, it also gave farmers an extra hour to work in fields as many worked in factories building weapons earlier in the day. Interestingly enough, after the war, War Time became optional until The Uniform Time Act of 1966. So keep this in mind the next time you complain about losing an hour of sleep. Or just blame the tree-hugging hippies for forcing us to conserve energy. (This post is void in Indiana, Arizona and Hawaii as the wisely opt-out of this archaic idea.)

Everytime She Sneezes I Believe it's Love

A new feature at my blog is the Scooter Hall of Fame. SHoF will be a monthly award to one of my favorite form of entertainment. The first inductee into the SHoF is an album that formed my formative years, the Counting Crows' Augest and Everything After.



My first experience with the Counting Crows, like most people, was back in 1993 with the addition of Mr. Jones into the heavy rotation at MTV (yes kiddies, MTV once showed a lot of videos). I was hooked from the first guitar riff and the pseudo-Van Morrison Sha-la-la's. I'm sure everyone at the time thought they were the character singing the song and had their own personal Mr. Jones. Unfortunately, since I was underage at the time, there was no New Amsterdam, but instead I had the Cafeteria and I had to substitute dance team dancers due to the lack of flamingo or Spanish dancers. But I've lost count of the amount of times me and my Mr. Jones said, "She’s looking at you, I don't think so, she's looking at me." At the time, I didn't want to be Bob Dylan, I wanted to be Adam Duritz (and this was before I learned he dated 2/3 of the female cast of Friends). Then you add a video with some dreadlocks. How could this miss? So I rushed out as soon as I could and got the album.

The album starts off with the other song that was a soundtrack to the mid-90's, Round Here. How can you not like a song that references Elvis and a naked woman in the same song? And since hearing this song, for a long time I tried walking the edge where the ocean meets the land whenever at a beach. The one problem with the song is when I leaned that they do not sing "God laughs sometimes" as it was one of my favorite lines in the song. Rather the line, in actuality goes, "got lots of time."

The highlight of the album, and one of my favorite songs of all-time, is Anna Begins. The song includes some lyrics I still quote today. "I am not worried, I am not overly concerned." "Every time she sneezes I believe it's love." I remember at the time, me and my friends were obsessed with then line "Maybe I should snap in a butterfly net, pin her down on a photograph album."

Another song of note is Raining in Baltimore. I always a big fan of the piano, and this is the only song on the album that features the instrument. The song is horribly depressing (but in a good way) that I believe is about being isolated from everyone (or some one in particular) that you love. This is a great song to put on if you are in the same predicament.

The album closer, A Murder of One, gives us an insight into the band's name:


Casting shadows on the winter sky as you stood there counting crows
One for sorrow
Two for joy
Three for the girls and four for the boys
Five for silver
Six for gold
Seven for a secret never to be told

Of course the title does not to homicide rather a murder is a flock of crows. So a murder of one would be a crow.

The Counting Crows followed up August and Everything After with a potential SHoF-er, Recovering the Satellites featuring yet another instant classic, A Long December. Unfortunately, it has gone downhill for the Counting Crows since then. One would assume that dating actresses and models does not help with the depressing lyrics that populated the earlier albums. Thus leaving us with an ill-advised cover of Big Yellow Taxi and upbeat songs Hanginaround, American Girls, and Accidentaly in Love. So a message to all the models and actresses out there, please stop dating Adam Duritz so we can get the classic Counting Crows back.

(Insert Lame April Fools Joke Here)

I'm not the biggest fan of April Fools joke, so you won't be seeing any, "If you are reading this, I'm dead. Just kidding. Ha Ha April Fools" type blog here. Shame on anyone who tries something like that. The main reason is that most people are just not funny. But one April Fools Joke that still sticks in my head happened back in 1996, Taco Bell took out this full size ad in multiple newspapers across the county (Which I still have... somewhere... I think):

For those whose eyesight is as bad as mine this is what it says:

Taco Bell Buys the Liberty Bell.

In an effort to help the national debt, Taco Bell is pleased to announce that we have agreed to purchase the Liberty Bell, one of our country's most historic treasures. It will now be called the "Taco Liberty Bell" and will still be accessible to the American public for viewing. While some may find this controversial, we hope our move will prompt other corporations to take similar action to do their part to reduce the country's debt.

Now that is pure humor right there. So if you cannot top this, just sit back and leave the jokes to the professionals today. That includes you Mr. Whoopee Cushion owner.

I Wonder What Shawn Bradley's Thoughts are About This?

Mark Cuban (yes, that Mark Cuban) has a very interesting take on the music industries lawsuits against illegal downloaders. It is a little better argument than my "maybe people would buy music if they released better albums."

Check out Cuban's take here - Let’s test the RIAA logic… - Blog Maverick

And if you look back a post or two, Cuban takes on MGM lawsuit against Grokster where he takes the side of Grokster which is something that directly affects his as a content owner.

Check that out at - Let the truth be told…MGM vs. Grokster

Interesting takes from a guy who worked at Dairy Queen not too long ago.

I think the title is inspiring me to break out my old copy of NBA Jam for a little Big Head Bradley vs. Big Head Muresan. (He's on fire! Yes!)

Jobu's Revenge

Last night was the draft for my head to head fantasy baseball league, the California Penal League. Unfortunately I had a late draft pick, 9th, but that will just make have to work harder for my championship. My main problem right now is that not one of my batters hit over .300 last season. I think I was too busy making sure I didn't fall short in steals or saves like I did last year. So without further ado, here's the roster for Jobu's Revenge:

C - B. Inge (Det)
1B - A. Huff (TB)
2B - C. Figgins (Anh)
3B - A. Boone (Cle)
SS - D. Jeter (NYY)
OF - C. Crawford (TB)
OF - C. Patterson (ChC)
OF - S. Finley (ANH)
Util - J. Valentín (LAD)

BN
D. McPherson (Anh)
M. LeCroy (Min)
J. Lane (Hou)

SP
J. Schmidt (SF)
C. Carpenter (StL)
L. Hernández (Was)
B. Arroyo (Bos)
J. Lima (KC)

RP
B. Lidge (Hou)
J. Smoltz (Atl)
B. Ryan (Bal)
C. Cordero (Was)

Obviously Smoltz will be moved to the SP after he gets some starts under his belt as he's only available as a reliever right now. Hopefully I can find a midseason gem (I did snag D. Willis two seasons ago) because my bench looks a little weak right now.

I Wish the Real World Would Stop Hassling Me

The next cast of The Surreal Life has been announced. I have a feeling that they will not surpass this season's opener with Mini-Me driving in his scooter, naked, stopping in a corner to, umm, relieve himself, then being carried back to bed by a suddenly buff Peter Brady. That was a Top 10 All-Time TV moment. The next season cast includes:

Bronson Pinchot, better know to children of the 80's as Balki Bartokomous. Although he should also be heralded as the person who started the "Gay People are Funny" stereotype way back in 1984 as Serge in the Beverly Hills Cop movies. This is a trend that still goes on today with characters like Jack on Will & Grace and the gay homosexuals on Queer Eye for the Straight Guy. He will be playing the token washed up actor (Emmanuel Lewis, Erik Estrada, Dave Coulier, Christopher Knight).

Caprice Bourret. I don't know either, but her IMDb profile said she's been on, well, nothing I've seen. The only tidbit on her that seemed interesting is that she appeared on the British Celebrity Big Brother with former Surreal cast member and current Strange Love star Brigitte Nielsen. Which begs the question, when will America get its own Celebrity Big Brother? She will be playing the token hot chick with no resume (Brande Roderick, Traci Bingham, Marcus Schenkenberg).

Carey Hart is apparently an extreme sports athlete, which would be a new character to the shows roster. It seems they couldn't get a token washed up musician this season.

Janice Dickinson of America's Next Top Model. I don't watch the show so I have no comment about her. Yet. She will be playing the token mother figure (Gabrielle Carteris, Tammy Faye Bakker, Charo, Jane Wiedlin)

Jose Canseco. Now where have I heard his name lately? Mmmm. Jose, of course was last seen hawking his book at a congressional hearing on St. Patrick’s Day. I wonder if still has to wear his house arrest bracelet on the show? I'm hoping that this appearance won't hurt the possibility of a Big Head Barry and the Monsters reality show where Bonds, Canseco, McGwire, etc., hang out in locker rooms and stick unknown substances in the arses. ESPN really need to get on this. Mr. Roid Rage will be playing the token insane person (Corey Feldman, Ron Jeremy, Brigitte Nielsen, Joanie Laurer).

Omarosa Manigault-Stallworth is the wild card of the group as she could also have been the token insane person. Now I didn't watch The Apprentice, but I did see her star turn on Reality All-Star edition of Fear Factor. From that appearance I will not be surprised if she gets bludgeoned with a bat by Cansaco. That might be the only way anyone can top the Mini-Me scene. She will be playing the token reality star (Jerri Manthey, Trishelle Cannatella, Ryan Starr, Adrianne Curry)

Sandy Denton or as I like to call her, Ms. Push It. Sadly, my first impression of her casting was, "Why didn't they get Salt instead?" I don't know what she will be bringing to the cast other than Da Brat's "What am I doing with these crazy white people" look. She will be playing the token rapper (M.C. Hammer, Vanilla Ice, Flavor Flav, Da Brat).

With the spin off love story reality show of past casts, I am putting money on the Jose/token hot model hook up for this cast. I also have money on Janice Dickinson walking of the show first. Overall, barring an Omarosa beat down, this is a poor cast, so looking forward, here are some suggestions for Season 6:

Token washed up actor - The dude not named Paul Reiser on My Two Dads

Token hot chick with no resume - The Playmate of the Year that was arrested for fighting over Jeff Garcia

Token mother figure - Suzanne Somers

Token insane person - The other Corey, Corey Haim

Token reality star - Tonya from Real World et al

Token rapper - Mr. I Wish, Skee-Lo

Token washed up musician - Hootie, which would be the next logical step from the Burger King ad

I Hate Huckabees

I recently got conned into watching two of the worst movies in consecutive weeks. Both were touted as being critically acclaimed yet one didn't have a discernable plot while the other I believe had a plot, I just couldn't follow it.

The movie that went over my head was I (insert lame symbol here) Huckabees. Now I let the critics and friends talk me into this movie against my best judgement as I avoid movies with Marky-Mark like they are chick flicks. Not only did it have the former leader of the Funky Bunch, it also had Jude Law. For those that missed the Oscars, Chris Rock pointed out that if you can't get Tom Cruise and all you can get is Jude Law, wait. Unfortunately for the makers of I (insert lame symbol here) Huckabees, they didn't get this piece of advise before they finished casting.

But even if it had more real actors (i.e. Dustin Hoffman), the main problem of the film is that most of it went over my head. Basically the story follows a tree hugging hippie (the drummer from Phantom Planet) trying to figure out three chance encounters with a Manute Bol looking doorman. So he does what anyone would do, go see existential detectives. Umm, wait, what did I just type? And here in lies the problem, I have a feeling that you need to be a member of MENSA to follow this movie.

Then late in the movie, for a reason that made no to me, the uglied up the token hot chick (who also played the token hot chick in The Ring, and The Ring 2 and, umm, I think that’s it). It made no sense why they did this, like everything else in the movie, and thus ruined the only aspect of the movie I could enjoy.

I (insert lame symbol here) Huckabees gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.

The other massively overrated movie I saw recently was Napoleon Dynamite. This was even worse than Mr. Good Vibration's movie. My first problem with the movie is that it has no discernable plot. It was just one lame set-up after another. Secondly, and most importantly, is that it wasn't even funny. There was only one point in the movie when I actually laughed, when Napoleon got picked up by Pedro's cousins. I have a feeling that you need to be an uber-nerd to like this movie.

Napoleon Dynamite gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.

In the end, Napoleon Dynamite is the anti-I (insert lame symbol here) Huckabees whereas I (insert lame symbol here) Huckabees was too smart for me, Napoleon Dynamite was just too dumb.