How’d I Get Stuck in this Dead End Job when I Can Rap?

It seems like anyone who sells over a million records these days gets their own record company. Seriously, do we really need to hear music hand picked by the dude from Fall Out Boy? Despite some high profile failures, the Beastie Boy’s Grand Royal comes to mind, record companies still hand out imprints to young artists but every once in a while an artist led label can be a success, most recently Kanye West whose G.O.O.D. Music (Getting Out Our Dreams) label going three for three with two releases by John Legend and Common, whose breakout album Be was released on the label.

The latest Kanye endorsed artist is Consequence who was featured on both of West’s album. But long before hooking up with the current carrier of the backpack rapper torch, Consequence hung out with the originators of that scene, A Tribe Called Quest (Q-Tip and Consequence are cousins), showing up on over half of the tracks of Beats, Rhymes, and Life. What he did in the eight years during the interim? I’m not entirely sure, but if his debut album is any indication he was struggling with getting a day job and following his dream of becoming a rapper.

In fact Don’t Quit Your Day Job sounds like Spaceship from The College Dropout expanded into a concept album. The album starts out with a jobless Consequence and his nagging mother, who was voiced by a horrible voice actress and really takes away from a skit whenever she appears, not that I’m a fan of rap skits in the first place. In the middle, Consequence deviates from struggling rapper theme to a trio of songs about girls, including the unfortunate first single Callin’ Me, that just fall flat.

Near the end of the album is the completely out of place Grammy Family, a failed single from last summer that was originally featured on the DJ Khaled mixtape and with Kanye West and John Legend, Consequence is ironically the only one on the track sans Grammy. Those two show up elsewhere on the album, West on The Good, the Bad, the Ugly which could have been the best song on the album if it weren’t for the weak hook. While Legend shows up Feel This Way and features the pianist so much they might have gave him top billing on the song. But with such a high pedigree and some help from some heavy hitters, the album just doesn’t live up to its potential.

Song to Download - Job Song

Don’t Quit Your Day Job gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.

In or Out: Rock & Roll Hall of Fame Edition vol. 3

Next Monday the latest crop of inductees are getting a spot reserved at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and in honor of that, AOL has a list of twenty-five potential future inductees from the late eighties and nineties for people to vote on. Oddly when I voted, each and every artist had a no vote. Here is the last of three posts, ten each post. I’ll have two different ways of deciding. First whether they will actually get in and if I had a vote, would I vote that artist in. Like I said, the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame induction is next Monday and for the very first time (at least that I’m aware of) VH1 Classic will be covering it live starting at 8:30. You can also catch VH1’s usually butcher cut down version the following Saturday at 9:00. Now onto the list:

(Check out vol. 1)
(Check out vol. 2)

Joan Jett (already eligible)
Will Get In: Yes
Would I Vote: No

Every once in a while the Hall likes to induct artist solely on the strength of one song, most recently with Percy Sledge. Joan Jett could definitely fall into this with I Love Rock and Roll. The thing with Jett is that if you look at her whole career, with the Runaways and the Blackhearts, she may be Hall worthy, but either individual band or she by herself is not and unfortunately, the Hall doesn’t induct people for their involvement with other groups.


Nine Inch Nails (eligible 2019)
Will Get In: No
Would I Vote: No

I never got on the NIN bandwagon, much too electronic for my taste. As for the Hall, the group really only had two hit albums, not really screaming Hall worth. Although Trent Resnor may be able to sneak in because he was pretty innovative at the time being the first electronic hard rock outfit.


Alanis Morissette (eligible 2020)
Will Get In: No
Would I Vote: No

I guess she was included because she has the highest selling debut album ever. But if you look at who she took the title from, Hootie and the Blowfish and Boston, you have a band that won’t likely get in (although I’d vote for Hootie) and a band that has been eligible for a while without even being making it to the nomination phase. Plus she was a one trick pony as a token angry chick that has fallen into obscurity after getting over her anger issues.


Oasis (eligible 2019)
Will Get In: No
Would I Vote: No

A lock for the UK Hall of Fame but unless the band has a late career resurgence but just doesn’t have the resume to get in stateside. They only had two relevant albums here, both of which had some missteps. Everything since has been for the most part rightfully ignored although you can find some gems in their later catalogues like the sorely overlooked Stop Crying Your Heart Out.


Destiny’s Child (eligible 2023)
Will Get In: No
Would I Vote: No

Plenty of great songs by the group but their first three albums were spotty after the single and their last album was absolutely horrible. And that may be their last album with Beyoncé focusing on her solo and acting career. Well until they both wane and the girls get back for the inevitable reunion tour. But as is, the group is far from being Hall worthy.


So those were the twenty-five artist that were mentioned in the AOL list. Next are five artists that didn’t make that list but are worth discussing. The first two were purposed by Russ while the last three are groups that I wanted to bring up.

Soundgarden (eligible 2013)
Will Get In: No
Would I Vote: No

The Hall, much as time has been, will not be kind to the Grunge era. Nirvana is in, Pearl Jam barely gets in, but I doubt another Grunge era band gets inducted wether it is deserved or not. Yeah, Soundgarden was one of the few bands from the era that successfully transitioned in the post-grunge, alternative phase and I much perfered Superunknown and Down on the Upside opposed to the rest of their catalogued but if I were to vote for a third band from the Grunge era, I would give it to Alice in Chains.


Smashing Pumpkins (eligible 2018)
Will Get In: Yes
Would I Vote: Yes

Speaking of that the post-grunge alternative years, arguable there wasn’t a bigger band during that time that the Smashing Pumpkins. That should be enough to get the Pumpkins into the Hall and possible a fist ballot vote despite, like most double albums, Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness would have been better as a single disk and they turned into a rock and roll cliché when a touring band member overdosed while in the company of the drummer.


Dave Matthews Band (eligible 2019)
Will Get In: Yes
Would I Vote: Yes

The biggest touring band of our era, two classic albums (Under the Table and Dreaming, Before These Crowded Streets) and even their worst album (Everyday) is still listenable. The Hall doesn’t seem to like the jam bands aside from The Greatful Dead, which doesn’t look good for the chances for Phish, but Dave and the boys should get in.


Sarah McLachlan (eligible 2014)
Will Get In: Yes
Would I Vote: Yes

McLaughlin will most like get in solely because of Lilith Fair but the music part of her is definitely there too. Sometime she is an afterthought because she does take a while between albums but is versatile going from an angelic song like, well, Angel yet can be very haunting like on Possession.


Public Enemy (eligible 2012)
Will Get In: Yes
Would I Vote: Yes

Forget a second about Flavor Flav’s recent reality television exploits, because PE were one of the most influential rap groups of the late eighties with two album that any hip-hop fan should be ashamed not to have (It Takes a Nation of Millions to Hold Us Back, Fear of a Black Planet). I’ve said this many times before talking about potential inductees, but we cannot easily predicted rappers odds on getting in until we see hoe they treat the first wave, but it would be egregious not to have PE in. Plus who doesn’t want to see a Flavor Flav on the wrong side of fifty on stage one more time?

Don't Download These Videos vol. XI Kanye West Edition

There have been a couple of videos that have caught my eye lately and they all happened to be from Kanye West. So I though I’d give them some love since the death of Musical Television left a void for a forum on the art form so here they are courtesy of YouTube. I advise you to watch them before you read my reviews if you don’t want me to spoil things. If you are interested in buying the video through iTunes, click the title link (where available, if not the link goes to YouTube where you can watch the video in full screen). If you are interested in buying the song, look for a link in the analysis.


Classic - Kanye West, Rakim, Nas, and KRS-One



Holy KRS-One sighting! But it may not been a good idea for Kanye to sandwich himself between the Rakim and Nas as it only amplifies his deficiencies as an MC. Although it is nice to see DJ Premier of Gangstarr fame get back to producing rap records after taking time out to helm the latest Christina Aguilera record.


Wouldn’t Get Far - The Game and Kanye West




I’ve never been a big fan of The Game (or is it juat Game, I’ve never figured that out), the only song off his first album that was any good was the Kanye produced Dream and once again on his sophomore outing the Kanye produced Wouldn’t Get Far is the best off of it and he was smart enough to get Kanye to spit a verse to make it even more listenable. As for the video, it a funny spoof, although take out the intro, it basically your token rap video. For a better spoof, check out The Roots What They Do which sadly even being almost a decade old, still hold up for today’s videos. And was that Hoopz from Flavor of Love in the video?


Throw Some D’s - Rich Boy (not safe for work)



Speaking of token rap videos, before I get into the last Kanye video, I have to set some things up by showing this video. Yeah it is your token rap song that sounds like virtually every other rap song recorded this decade with an interchangeable rapper (don’t try to differentiate Rich Boy from Yong Joc, Nitty, J-Kwon, T.I., Mums, Jibbs, etc.) rapping about materialist things like cars. Now I’m not entirely sure what the “D’s” he speaks of (rims?) but…


Throw Some D’s (Remix) - Kanye West (Not safe for work or for anyone with a high moral standing)



… I certainly know which “D’s” Kanye is talking about. Now the title say remix, but let’s be real, this is a parody straight out of “Weird Al” territory. Not that there is anything wrong with that. But I doubt Al would ever write a line like, “She ain’t pregnant but about to have twins.” And I wonder how many times the shout out in the song will send Brittany in and out of rehab. (Scooter’s Note: this video is for humorous purposes only and neither he nor anyone at the 9th Green condones buying breast implants, in fact as the religious people we are, we much prefer the God made breast as opposed to the man made ones.)

In or Out: Rock & Roll Hall of Fame Edition vol. 2

Next Monday the latest crop of inductees are getting a spot reserved at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and in honor of that, AOL has a list of twenty-five potential future inductees from the late eighties and nineties for people to vote on. Oddly when I voted, each and every artist had a no vote. Here is the second of third posts, ten each post. I’ll have two different ways of deciding. First whether they will actually get in and if I had a vote, would I vote that artist in. Since that only leaves five for the last post, going to add some of my favorite artists not included on their list. Also, if you would like me to dissect your favorite artist, leave a comment and I’ll whip up their odds of getting. Like I said, the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame induction is next Monday and for the very first time (at least that I’m aware of) VH1 Classic will be covering it live starting at 8:30. You can also catch VH1’s usually butcher cut down version the following Saturday at 9:00. Now onto the list:

(Check out vol. 1)
(Check out vol. 3)

Beck (eligible 2018)
Will Get In: No
Would I Vote: No

Same boat as Radiohead where the critical success hasn’t quite translated to mass appeal. But at least Beck had more legitimate follow-up hits to actually break him out of one hit wonderdom.


Sheryl Crow (eligible 2018)
Will Get In: No
Would I Vote: No

Started out a Grammy-darling with plenty of good songs but good songs don’t get you into the Hall. You need great albums to get in, something she lacks.


Green Day (eligible 2016)
Will Get In: Yes
Would I Vote: No

I was never of fan of their pop-punk beginnings so I knock off points for that. But that is not to say if they keep on releasing more albums like American Idiot, I could have my mind changed in the future. But as of now, one great album does a hall of famer make unless it is an instant classic which American Idiot wasn’t.


Eminem (eligible 2024)
Will Get In: Yes
Would I Vote: No

Again, Eminem is the same as Jay-Z in that he has to wait on how the Hall looks at rappers. But he has the critical and commercial success so far that voters like. Also since he made noise in the late 90’s/early 00’s, the Hall will need to induct someone during that era because you can’t let Limp Bizkit or Jennifer Lopez in. Personally he has some great song but he limits himself at times by pandering to his audience, watering songs that will play well with teenage white girls which weighs heavy on my vote.


Pearl Jam (eligible 2016)
Will Get In: Yes
Would I Vote: Yes

I’m not sure if the Hall will be all that nice to the grunge era after Nirvana, who is a lock. But despite a mid-nineties drop-off, I have a feeling Pearl Jam has enough to get in as their first three albums are undeniable and should be in everyone’s collection. Plus their extracurricular activities such as their war against Ticketmaster and their many political statements will help their cause.


Beastie Boys (eligible 2011)
Will Get In: Yes
Would I Vote: Yes

Like I’ve said before that we don’t know how the Hall will react to rap artists but with that said, either way Run-DMC and Tupac are locks and add the Beastie Boys to that list as they are one of the rare rap acts that can crossover to rock fans. With two classic albums along with four great ones, their induction is a lock, but look for the boys to add to that this year as it looks like we will get a new album later this year.


Mary J. Blige (eligible 2017)
Will Get In: No
Would I Vote: No

This is a hard one. Mary has had a few great songs throughout the years as well as appeared on others, but much like Sheryl Crow, she is missing that classic album. Unlike Crow, Mary could still have one in her which will boost her resume to the point of getting in. Granted she has already performed with so many artist already in, which may be enough with some voters already.


The White Stripes (eligible 2025)
Will Get In: No
Would I Vote: No

It’s just too early to call this one yet. Fell in Love with a Girl was such a breath of fresh air back in 2002 when teen pop was destroying music but a few great albums isn’t enough to get you in. Ask me again in a couple months and I may change this to a yes as Jack White said an album is finished and will be released as soon as the machine will let it out. This album may be the one to put the band over the hump. Then maybe White can focus on getting The Raconteurs Hall worthy.


R. Kelly (eligible 2017)
Will Get In: No
Would I Vote: No

Here some news that may hurt the rumors that I’m a musical snob: Not only do I own one R. Kelly Album, I actually own two (12 Play, R. Kelly) and I will definitely grab the Trapped in the Closet DVD whenever R gets around to releasing the final chapters. With that said and even if I disregard the whole “other” video, I don’t think Kelly is Hall worthy. Now if you can guarantee me that Dave Chappelle inducts him, maybe I’ll change that to a yes vote. If you can't firgure out why I would want to see Chappelle to induct R. Kelly, check out this very not safe for work video.


Mötley Crüe (already eligible)
Will Get In: No
Would I Vote: No

Again, is this a joke, right? If you let the Crue in, it opens a Pandora’s Box of hair bands like Bon Jovi, Poison and Warrant and then the hall loses all credibility.

In or Out: Rock & Roll Hall of Fame Edition vol. 1

Next Monday the latest crop of inductees are getting a spot reserved at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and in honor of that, AOL has a list of twenty-five potential future inductees from the late eighties and nineties for people to vote on. Oddly when I voted, each and every artist had a no vote. So over three (not necessarily consecutive) posts I’m going to break down their list, ten each post. I’ll have two different ways of deciding. First whether they will actually get in and if I had a vote, would I vote that artist in. Since that only leaves five for the last post, going to add some of my favorite artists not included on their list. Also, if you would like me to dissect your favorite artist, leave a comment and I’ll whip up their odds of getting. Like I said, the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame induction is next Monday and for the very first time (at least that I’m aware of) VH1 Classic will be covering it live starting at 8:30. You can also catch VH1’s usually butcher cut down version the following Saturday at 9:00. Now onto the list:

(Check out vol. 2)
(Check out vol. 3)

Mariah Carey (eligible 2015)
Will Get In: Yes
Would I Vote: Yes

Sure she slipped a little in recent years but there was no bigger artist from the nineties, selling more albums ever than any other female artist, three of which were bought by me (Music Box, Daydream, Honey). Plus do you think the Basketball Hall of Fame think less of Michael Jordon for his stink with the Washington Wizards in his later years?


Gun N’ Roses (eligible 2012)
Will Get In: Yes
Would I Vote: No

Appetite for Destruction was a classic; there was a great album if you condensed Use Your Illusion into an album, but that’s it. The Hall does like a great story when the longevity isn’t there, but it doesn’t full. My vote could switch when (if) Chinese Democracy is released and actually lives up to the hype, but I really doubt that will happen.


Jay-Z (eligible 2021)
Will Get In: Yes
Would I Vote: No

It’s hard to judge whether Jay-Z will get in because we have yet to see how the Hall will treat rappers. Grandmaster Flash got in this year after a few tears being on the ballet, I’m sure Run-DMC and Tupac are locks but after that everyone is questionable. The biggest litmus test for rappers like Jay-Z will be when LL Cool J becomes eligible. If he gets in, you’ll see the Jay-Z’s of the world in, if not, you won’t see too many rappers get inducted. For me, Jay-Z is a guy who can make some classic songs, but not classic albums.


Madonna (eligible 2008)
Will Get In: Yes
Would I Vote: No

Mrs. Ritchie becomes eligible next year, but I doubt she will be a first ballot induction but will get in eventually because of her longevity and her influence on the next generation. I’d vote no because that influence gave us Britney Spears and look how that turned out.


Metallica (eligible 2008)
Will Get In: Yes
Would I Vote: Yes

It took forever for Black Sabbath to get in, but they eventually did last year. I’m sure Metallica will have the same type of battle but they are almost important to metal as a genre as anyone else no matter what you think of that tool Lars Ulrich for suing his fans. Don’t look for them to get in next year but look for them to get in by 2013, the twenty-fifth anniversary of the Black Album.


Radiohead (eligible 2018)
Will Get In: No
Would I Vote: No

The only hope Radiohead has is if they continue to release critically acclaimed records up to their eligibility date because they are desperately lacking mainstream acceptance that most inductees have as most novice music fans probably still think of them as a one hit wonder.


Snoop Dogg (eligible 2017)
Will Get In: No
Would I Vote: No

I’m a huge Snoop Dogg guy, but there is no way he gets in barring a late career resurgence. There were just way too many sub-par albums in the late nineties. With that said, I would have no problem if he were to go into the Hall with Dr. Dre as a tandem, but when he doesn’t have Dre or the Neptunes with him, Snoop can rarely make a hot track.


Justin Timberlake (eligible 2027)
Will Get In: No
Would I Vote: No

This was a joke, right? Timberlake has about as good a chance of getting in as I do getting in as a rock journalist.


Björk (eligible 2018)
Will Get In: No
Would Get In: No

If this was the Music Video Hall of Fame maybe, but the music just doesn’t warrant it. I’d rather hear nails on a chalkboard which she sounds like.


Red Hot Chili Peppers (eligible 2009)
Will Get In: Yes
Would I Vote: Yes

Not a first ballot vote, but here is a group who mastered rock-rap long before lesser bands destroyed the sub-gernre in the late nineties when the group caught their second wind with the return of John Frusciante and still are cranking out good albums.


That’s it for today, be sure look out for the second and third installments in the coming days and leave a comment if you want me to evaluate some of your favorite artists’ chances on getting in.

First Impressions: America’s Next Top Model Cycle 8

With Friday Night Lights and Let’s Rob Mick Jagger Kelly Ripa, on, I completely missed the premiere of America’s Next Top Model last week targe, but since The CW doesn’t have enough shows to fill its schedule I was able to watch the repeat on Sunday which is becoming a wasteland of television with nothing worth watching aside from those crappy VH1 reality shows. The show of course starts off with a couple cut downs as they get down to the final thirteen contestants.

Those that made it the first rounds of cuts go straight to Model Boot Camp mostly so it would give a chance for Mr. and Mrs. Jay to play dress up. And with ever subsequence season, I swear Mr. Jay’s hair is looking more and more like the material from Terminator 2. During the boot camp, Tyra Banks inexplicably shows up stepping (or as I like to call it since I’m in the know, stopping the yard) and much like the opening montage, as she does is some self-serving speechifying. That girl does love herself.

Then much like last season, this season goes downhill fast when the final cut leaves out the hottest chick in the running, but instead of wasting two spots for twins like last season, this year we get two spots reserved “Plus Sized” models. And Tyra seemed a little too proud of herself for having more “Plus Sized” models this season then ever before. C’mon, this isn’t Jackie Robinson; they are just future Celebrity Fit Club contestants. And I doubt that it’s a coincidence that the show has the most “Plus Sized” models in its history right after Trya went through her very public weight issues. Almost as puzzling is how the mail order bride got through. Seriously, read that last sentence again.

It sounds like I wasn’t the only one that thought this cast was poorly cast as at the final evaluation Tyra even admitted that this was the worst batch of pictures ever for a first photo shoot. The shoot dealt with controversial issues including one of the most divisive issues facing our nation today, Straight Marriage. Um, yeah, way to go out on a limb with that one guys, that’s really going to get under the skin of all those anti-straight marriage supporters out there. As for the first contest the girls had to put on a Goodwill fashion show for charity with a totally random Gia Goodman sighting. In the end someone go voted off. Okay, some predictions:

Winner: Felicia
Backup Choice: Brittany Carrigher
Most Likely to Slap Someone: Natasha Galkina
Next to Go: Jaslene Gonzalez
Plus Sized Chick that Will Go Further: Whitney Cuttingham
Contestant I’d Most Like to Have Dirty, Dirty Sex With: Renee DeWitt

Verdict: It is never a good sign when the hottest chick was one that just gave birth. Yeah, this crop is that unattractive. I’m not sure if this cycle is worth even catching on the inevitable VH1 marathon. But if you are already hooked be sure to check out number one fan Ducky every week where you can also find nude pictures of Jael Strauss. Duckyxdale, it where I go to find pictures of naked reality chicks. America’s Next Top Model is on Wednesdays at 8:00 on The CW with repeats Sundays at 9:00. You can also catch latest episodes on CWTV.com or download the episodes on iTunes. Can’t get enough of the show? Well Australia’s Next Top Model premieres tonight on VH1 at 10:00.

57 Channels and Only This Is On vol. IX

Quote of the Week: I’m just trying to figure out which Gilmore Girl you are. (Ronnie to Wallace, Veronica Mars)

Song of the Week: I’m Gonna Be (500 Miles) - The Proclamers (How I Met Your Mother)

Big News of the Week: February sweeps are over and this week we are in the full swing of reruns. And with mid-season replacements like The Black Donnellys, The Search for the Next Talentless Singer Pussycat Doll, and Are You Smarter than a 5th Grader, there’s not much new to watch instead. Oh well, with only three and a half hours of television I’ll be watching this week should mean I’ll can catch up on my reading.

How I Met Your Mother: A heartbreaking episode that reminded me of when my high school car died and it’s falling ceiling, squeaky doors, how the back windows wouldn’t roll back up when someone rolled them down before I warned them not too, how the trunk would flood whenever it rained, and how my college roommate would blare Ode to My Car at absurd levels whenever he forced me to taxi him around. Actually come to think of it, I hated that car. Check out the latest episode on Innertube.

Everybody Hates Chris: I wonder if Billy Ocean watches this show and contemplates a comeback with all his references lately. Surely he’s good enough to get on Dancing with the Has Been’s and Never Were’s. Check out the latest episode on CWTV.com.



Heroes: Finally a episode where the show lives up to its potential. Not so coincidentally Peter and Nikki/Jessica and their family were nowhere to be found. You had the one two punch of Sulu somehow being involved with Primetech Paper, which makes you wonder how much he knows about his son, and the Invisible Man once being Mr. Bennett’s partner. But I wonder if what we saw was actually Bennett reminiscing or was an actual flashback because I was unclear as to if the Haitian cleared his mind of certain aspects of his relationship with him. Also unclear was who Julia Robert’s brother was and why he showed up at the Bennett’s or why he even shot radioactive man as I’m sure he should have had a clue as to what would happen if he did. Check out the latest episode over at NBC.com.



Friday Night Lights: I’m sure she won’t even get a nomination, but the coach’s wife has given two Emmy worthy performances in the past two weeks. Then you have Buddy going all Matlock on the Taylor’s notepad. But nothing this week beats Landry once again trying to hit on Tyra. I’ve said this before, but I’ll say it again, I really hope Tyra gets really drunk and gives Landry a ride. Or at the very least have her show up to a Stigmatlingous concert. Check out the latest episode over at NBC.com.



Lets Rob Mick Jagger Kelly Ripa: Ironically I hated Everybody Love Raymond but his guest spot on the show was great. But the architect DVD was priceless. Luckily it has shown up on YouTube, check out: Oswald Montecristo promo. Oh and don’t forget to checkout Rockafellar Butts Robbing Lenny Kravitz Song. Check out the latest episode over at ABC.com.

Survivor: You never, under any circumstance, give up immunity. Never. I really hope this comes back to bit that tribe. Check out the latest episode on Innertube.



Also check out the latest Toss Up between Lost and Veronica Mars.

Promo of the Week: Okay not exactly a promo per say but this is one of the funniest scenes I’ve seen in a while. And yes that is Chip Diller. Poor Chip, first he was part of the worst Easter Egg Hunt ever, now this:



Pick of the Week: Heroes, Monday, 9:00, NBC. After months of hearing his name, it looks as if we will get our first look at the mysterious Linderman. It’s pretty much a lock that he is the big boss behind Primtech Paper and Sulu’s company. Right?

Toss Up: Christina Aguilera vs Avril Lavigne

It’s not all that uncommon to see the same themes throughout the entertainment industry. A couple summers ago there were competing asteroid destroying the Earth movies, this past year there were two television shows that dealt with backstage at a Saturday Night Live clone ironically on the same network. And last week, there was not one, but two music videos premieres that featured the singer as a blonde, brunette, and a redhead. Again the irony being that they are both on the same record label. So let’s fire up a game of Toss Up to see which video is better. First let’s take a look at the two videos:


Candyman - Christina Aguilera




Girlfriend - Avril Lavigne




To check out the videos on YouTube, click the bold links above the videos, to buy the songs, click on their names in the Toss Up below, also if you want to buy the Avril Lavigne video, click here. Now to the Toss Up:

Sounds Like
Christina Aguilera: Something from a World War II USO
Avril Lavigne: Something from an Ashlee Simpson album
Winner: Christina Aguilera


Looks Like
Christina Aguilera: A drag queen
Avril Lavigne: Christina circa 1999 with bad teeth
Winner: Avril Lavigne


Former Look
Christina Aguilera: A dirrty, dirrty girl
Avril Lavigne: A tie wearing pseudo punk
Winner: Christina Aguilera


Obscene Lyric
Christina Aguilera: He’s my one stop shop with a real big (expletive deleted)
Avril Lavigne: Don’t pretend that I think you know I’m (expletive deleted) precious and (expletive deleted) yeah I’m the (expletive deleted) princess
Winner: Avril Lavigne


Dance Sequence
Christina Aguilera: Something out of a gap commercial ten years ago
Avril Lavigne: Something from a Tony Basil video two decades ago
Winner: Christina Aguilera


Hang Out
Christina Aguilera: A malt shop
Avril Lavigne: A putt-putt golf course
Winner: Avril Lavigne


Song Promotes
Christina Aguilera: Monogamy
Avril Lavigne: Home wrecking
Winner: Christina Aguilera


Daring Fashion Choice
Christina Aguilera: The Aunt Jemima bandana
Avril Lavigne: Knee high striped socks with high heels
Winner: Avril Lavigne


YouTube Views (as of when I posted this)
Christina Aguilera: 23,416
Avril Lavigne: 146,852
Winner: Avril Lavigne


Husband
Christina Aguilera: Some random Jewish dude
Avril Lavigne: The dude from Sum41
Winner: Christina Aguilera


As a Blonde
Winner: Christina Aguilera


As a Brunette
Winner: Christina Aguilera


As a Redhead
Winner: Avril Lavigne


So there you have it, by the numbers, Christina Aguilera is your winner. Agree, disagree? That’s what the comment section is for. (Did I mention I recently got rid of the Word Verification? But I did make it so you cannot comment anonymously to combat spammers)

Toss Up: Lost vs Veronica Mars week 10

Where hard core fans continually blame repeats and direct competition with American Karaoke for the shrinking ratings and disinteresting episodes but after the last two weeks, ABC’s promo department is becoming a big problem for the show. Last week it promised three big mysteries revealed and most were struggling to figure out what exactly they were (tattoos, seriously?). Then this week there was something we couldn’t miss because there was something because everyone would be talking the next day. But most people were left asking the next day on what they should have been talking about. But on the other end of the spectrum, promos for Veronica Mars set the bar so low with disinteresting promises of more Ronnie and Logan drama that the actual episodes never fail to exceed expectations. Now it’s time for the last Toss Up between the two shows for two months thanks to the Search for the Next Talentless Singer replacing Veronica Mars over that time span, so let’s see how goes into the hiatus with a win:


Insult
Lost: “I’m just trying to figure out which Gilmore Girl you are”
Veronica Mars: “Red… Neck… Man”
Winner: Veronica Mars


Dead Chick
Lost: Tricia Tanaka got hit by a meteor
Veronica Mars: Mindy O’Dell was pushed overboard by here lover
Winner: Lost


Oscar Homage
Lost: The gang drives around in a VW bus just like in Little Miss Sunshine
Veronica Mars: Almost everyone dies just like in The Departed
Winner: Veronica Mars


Where Was
Lost: Libby, because it was a Hurley flashback
Veronica Mars: Dick, because, well, he’s Dick
Winner: Veronica Mars


Mode of Transportation
Lost: A wrecked Dharma bus
Veronica Mars: A boat bought with insurance money
Winner: Veronica Mars


From the 80’s
Lost: The dude from Cheech & Chong not named Chong
Veronica Mars: The dude from St. Elsewhere not named Denzel
Winner: Veronica Mars


All Alone
Lost: While Jin and Charlie had their significant others to talk to about all the excitement, Sawyer had no one to talk to about it
Veronica Mars: While Logan and Parker are getting friendlier, Ronnie is again spending her free time solving crimes
Winner: Veronica Mars


Teaming Up
Lost: Hurley got Jin, Charlie and Sawyer to get the van up and running
Veronica Mars: Ronnie and Not-Lucky teamed up to get Landry out of jail
Winner: Lost


Ending
Lost: Kate hunts down Rousseau to help rescue Jack
Veronica Mars: Ronnie and Keith watch the new during dinner
Winner: Lost


On the Internet
Lost: You can see the latest episode over at ABC.com or download Tricia Tanaka Is Dead on iTunes
Veronica Mars: You can see the latest episode at CWTV.com or download Papa's Cabin on iTunes


Okay, let’s get back to the promo I was talking about in the opening. What exactly were we supposed to be talking about? Was it the car they found? Was it that Charlie didn’t die? Was it the return of Rousseau? Those promos are really starting to be a detriment to the show. This lead to a rare boring Hurley-centric episode which is extra surprising considering not even Cheech could save it. And you guessed it, Hurley, much like everyone else on the island, has daddy issues. Yawn.

And like most Lost episodes, they save the only interesting part of the episode for last, which I presume is what we were supposed to be talking about with the return of Rousseau who wasn’t seen on screen for 355 days. Can we please get a Rousseau flashback now please? Her and Not-Henry are the really the only flashbacks I’m interested in right now. At this point I really don’t care how Locke got in the wheelchair. But being that this Lost I have a feeling it will take the rest of the season for them to find The Others home. Although, once again the promo looked good as it looks like they find One Eyed Willie. Let hope that the next episode actually lives up to the hype this time.


I already talked about the most recent episode of Veronica Mars which you can find here: I Like this Show, its Tawdry week 6. I finally got chance to watch it again and everything made much more sense the second time around. So if you are still confused by something, be sure to check the links above. For everyone else, below is a video of my favorite line from the episode. Is it May 1st yet?

They Sit Side by Side in the Cantinas, Talk to Senoritas and Drink Warm Beer

Like most accused pretentious music critics, I have that one band that no one has heard of and then get all uppity whenever someone has the audacity to say they have never heard of said band. For me it is The Refreshments. (Wait, you’ve never heard of The Refreshments? Loser.) The band had a modest hit, Banditos, back in the mid-nineties off the greatest drinking album ever Fizzy, Fuzzy, Big & Buzzy which is appropriately being inducted into the Scooter Hall of Fame during the month with the greatest drinking day of the year, St. Patrick’s Day.

Banditos is definitely the centerpiece on the album, but Fizzy, Fuzzy, Big & Buzzy has plenty of other catchy, south of the border tunes to fill the album out starting with the driving rocker Blue Collar Suicide. Every southern rock trick are scattered throughout the album and the boys even break out a mariachi band feel on Mexico. Even when the band slows down, it doesn’t miss a step like on Mekong which should be required to be on every jukebox in a down on your luck bar.

As great as the music is, it is the quotable lyrics that push the album into legendary status, some of which I still use frequently to this day. In fact, just the other day when someone tried to defend watching Are You Smarter than a 5th Grader by saying a lot of people watched it, I shot back, “as a wise man once said, ‘Everybody knows the world is full of stupid people.’” And you have to give it up to singer Roger Clyne who can turn clichéd lines like, “What’s girl like you doing in a place like this?” which are scattered throughout the album, into something cool.

With all the tongue in cheek, and songs about beer and woman fun, The Refreshment cap the album with stellar Nada where they show off the serious rock side. The epic song is a great ending to the album which will make you reach for the repeat button. Unless of course you are going to switch the album out for the follow up, The Bottle and the Horse, a potential SHoF’er in its own right. Unfortunately these are the only two albums the band made before breaking up, but if these two albums leave you wanting more, be sure to check out former singer’s latest band, Roger Clyne and the Peacemakers.

In a side note to the band, I had the pleasure of seeing the band live when a buddy of mine drug me to one of those radio sponsored all day festivals to see No Doubt. The Refreshments were on the second stage and even though it was two years after the legendary Green Day mud fight at Woodstock ’94 goof balls were still digging up the turf after a long rain to pelt the bands and some moron actually knocked out the lead singer’s mike during Banditos without the dude even knowing so here’s the dude singing along even though no one could hear him. Aw, the good ol’ days when hooliganism was socially acceptable.

I Like This Show, it’s Tawdry week 6

From the beginning of the latest arc on Veronica Mars, I was hoping they would switch thing from the usually, something dramatic happens to Veronica, Veronica does everything in her powers to bring the suspect down, when she does, it ends in a dramatic showdown when the suspect comes out of left field giving a Austin Powers type reveal of why he did it. And with that said the ending of the latest (last?) arc was satisfying. Was it the best arc finale? No. I’d even go as far as saying the episode wasn’t as good as last week’s stellar Mars Bars. If you missed Papa’s Cabin, be sure to stream it on CWTV.com or download it on iTunes. (Note: as I write this the episode has yet to be uploaded because The CW isn’t that good at being prompt at getting their latest episode out. It is usually up by late Thursday, so check back later if it is still not up.)

Thanks to The CW’s laziness, I haven’t gotten a chance to re-watch the episode, and I may have a better appreciation for this episode after a second viewing, catching some clues I missed the first time around. In fact I really need to go back and re-watch all the episodes in this arc especially the one where Ronnie finds out that Not-Lucky was looking into the Dean’s murder before it got out that it wasn’t a suicide. From the latest epidode, I wasn’t able to think of why Not-Lucky bothered to help Landry to get out jail by “finding” his alibi. And why didn’t Not-Lucky just let the Landry/Mindy relationship out of the bag knowing that it would bring Landry down. Or was Plan A hoping that Ronnie would do it for him when he put her on the trail and setting him up for the Dean’s murder was Plan B.

But the actual reveal was great in that it was something. I hadn’t been looking at my clock, so I actually thought that the case was solved when they captured Landry, and it was definitely a fitting ending where he and Mindy both thought the other did it and later thought the other was trying to set the other one up for the fall. But you have to feel bad for the youngest O’Dell, his step-father is killed, then his father gets gunned down by the police, then his mother gets murdered by her lover. But back to the reveal, how fitting was that Ronnie is the one to explain the motive and execution to the culprit right in a criminology class? It was a great bookend to the first scene of the season where Vee showed up Not-Lucky with the Riverboat Mystery.

Elsewhere Logan and Parker are hooking up. This could have been saved for the stand alone episodes but it did led to the great line where Ronnie told Wallace, “I’m trying to figure out which Gilmore Girl you are” when brought up the two were having lunch. And if I’m not mistaken, I thought that Parker was questionable about hanging out with Logan because she didn’t want to lose a friend like Vee, but when Logan broached the subject with Ronnie she said they aren’t that close. Mmm.

I will have more on this Friday after I watch the episode again when I have the last Toss Up for two months thanks to The Search for the New Talent less Singer Pussycat Doll. What’s sad is there was an ad for the show in the latest Rolling Stone (where’s the promotion for their scripted shows?) and I couldn’t tell you if the girls in the ad were actual Pussycat Dolls are contestants for the reality show. Two months is a long time for a new Veronica Mars, but they actually have a decent promo hyping its return. C’mon, how can you go wrong with Ronnie and a paintball gun? Also if you haven’t done so already, be sure to check out the hilarious video of Kristen Bell and Chris Lowell interviewing each other.

It Is Not a Game People

During the Big in 2006 Awards, VH1 unveiled some of the new shows that they would be putting on the air early this year. They hyped the return of Hogan Knows Best, as well as spin-offs of Flavor of Love and The Surreal Life. But the most intriguing ad was for the new reality show, Ego Trip’s The (White) Rapper Show. The show could have easily have been the best or worst reality show ever and luckily it was definitely more of the former. The show wasn’t your token, dudes singing karaoke kind of talent show, which is a good thing as none of the contestants could land a record contract on their own laurels unless they manage to marry a mentally unstable pop star (and for those looking for one, I have Hilary Duff in the office poll).

Instead of being solely a talent competition, the show relied on some of the silliest games for the contestants to play, my favorite being the ghetto version of Family Feud with topics like stereotypes that Black people secretly believe. And if you need for me to tell you want was number one on the board, obviously you have never met a black dude before. In between the silliness, there were more credible tasks, but these were only entertaining in how bad they were at trying to rap.

Overseeing the whole event was MC Serch, who was good for a laugh every time he showed up if only because they always flashed “Hip Hop Icon” on the screen whenever he appeared. I was a big 3rd Base fan back in the day, even bust out Derelicts of Dialects ever once and a while, but “Hip Hop Icon” he’s not. And he wasn’t the only old school cat to make an appearance as somehow Ego Trip rounded up other “Icons” such as Grandmaster Flash, Prince Paul (who helped judging every once in a while), Bushwick Bill of the Geto Boys and whities Everlast and Kid Rock.

The contest came down $hamrock and the biggest goof of them all John Brown who would have gotten anyone massively drunk if they played a drinking game where they took a shot whenever he uttered the words, “King of the ‘Burbs,” “Ghetto Revival,” “ or Hallelujah Holla Back.” But a surprise happened on the way to the final as John Brown turned out to be the most solid performer throughout the show, and I never though I would say this when the show began, but John Brown got jobbed in the end when the judges declared $hamrock the next white hope. Controversy aside, the show is up there as one of the best reality seasons ever and hopefully VH1 brings it back soon than later. Or even switch things up and have a (Female) Rapper Show, (Asian) Rapper Show, or recruit Snow to be the host of The (Canadian) Rapper Show. If so, just make sure you bring back the giant cockroach.

Ego Trip’s The (White) Rapper Show gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.

Oddsmakers: Who Killed the Dean

Tomorrow should see the conclusion of the Dean O’Dell murder case before Veronica Mars goes on hiatus so The Search for the Next Talentless Singer Pussycat Doll can air. I wonder if Rob Thomas sees the irony that we were introduced to Parker earlier this season to one of their songs. But anyway. Back to the topic on hand, who killed the Dean? With the lesser number of episodes, this means we have a much smaller list of suspects compared to the 154 different suspects we had last year for how crashed the bus and here they are with the odds on weather they did it. Go ahead and place your bets in the comment section^*.

Chip Dillar (99:1) - One of the many notches on Mrs. O’Dell’s headboard but has been conspicuously absent during the arc.

Someone on the Board of Trustees (90:1) - Surely pissed off over half the board when he made one vote in the Greek system case ineligible so he could overturn the verdict especially the trustee who set to profit from kicking the Greeks off campus. Granted we only have seen one trustee, Patty Hearst, who doesn’t have a strong motive.

The Dean’s Son (85:1) - Never really cared too much for his dad but the question though is how he knew of Veronica’s term paper and would be smart enough to use it.

Dean O’Dell (75:1) - Here’s the ultimate twist, Lamb was actually right the first time and made it seem like a homicide knowing that his wife and the person she cheated with were the main suspects. But would he go so far as to not drink his precious scotch.

Tim Foyle (60:1) - He had easy access to Ronnie’s paper as he was the one who posted it to the internet but why would he be secretly investigating the case when it was ruled a suicide.

Mel Stoltz (50:1) - Wasn’t too compassionate when he heard the coach died so it would be surprising if he had a hand in the Dean’s murder except why would he kill someone who it looked like was in his back pocket as his influence got the Dean to reinstate the Greeks upon his visit.

The Field (45:1) - If you think it was anyone not listed, place your bets here. Do you have a far out theory that it was coach Berry exacting revenge for something before he eventually killed himself. Maybe you though it was Lamb before he die or even Mercer did it before getting caught for the rapes (remember the Dean owed him money). If so place your bets here.

Steve Botando (40:1) - My preseason pick. Of course he’s dead himself now and like Keith pondered does he have the mental capacity to carry out the perfect murder so that lowers his stock. But how exactly did his print end up on the keyboard?

Lilith House Member (25:1) - They were outside the Dean’s office around the time of the murder with Nish’s whereabouts in question and they definitely had motive after he reinstated the Greeks and presumably had everyone involved in egging his car expelled. After every other big bad being dudes, could we have our first female perp?

Mindy O’Dell (10:1) - Her alibi is definitely in question but why hire a PI to look into your husband’s murder if you were in fact the one who did it. Well unless you though you had covered your tracks enough and all you need was the PI to find out it was a murder, but would find a dead-end finding out it was her.

Hank Landry (5:1) - We know that the Dean confronted Hank in the hotel room and we know from Jeff Ratner that they argued loudly, but the words that were exchanged are still unknown, hopefully we get a flashback so we know once and for all went down there. Keith isn’t the only one who is on Landry’s tail either as someone else planted a bug in his cell phone (which I’m betting was Not-Lucky).

^* This game is strictly for entertainment purposes only, no money is meant to change hands. Unless of course you would like to donate to the Scooter McGavin is Poor Fund.

57 Channels and Only This Is On vol. VIII

Quote of the Week: If I was a little younger, a little less famous, and made a little less money, I would… (Chandler - Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip)

Song of the Week: Didn’t We Almost Have it All - Whitney Houston (as sung by Squatch and Louis - The Knights of Prosperity)

Big News of the Week: The two funniest shows on television are now available on iTunes. You can now download episodes from the latest seasons of My Name Is Earl and Everybody Hates Chris for your viewing pleasures. I’m not sure why all of the new shows that have popped up on iTunes this year only have the latest seasons available but I guess it’s better than nothing. Also showing up this week is the new comedy Rules of Engagement and you can even download the Pilot for free. Click on the names to be taken to their iTunes pages.

Heroes: Well that was anticlimactic, we have already seen Peter fly and Simone was easily the most disposable on account that she didn’t really add anything to the show so no shock there. Oh well, at least next week looks really good when Mr. Bennett gets the table turned on him. Check out the latest episode over at NBC.com.



Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip: And they had to ran the commercial for The Black Donnellys about twenty-five times on Monday which is about twenty-five times more times than I’ll actually watch the show. It’s funny how it continually mentions the show is from the dude behind Crash (which was absolutely horrendous) yet never mentions the dudes last serialized project, Walker, Texas Ranger. Check out the latest episode over at NBC.com.



Friday Night Lights: One of the many reasons why this show is so good is that they can go from the funny scene with Buddy confessing his infidelity to Coach Taylor (whenever Taylor plays he annoyed but not angry scenes are my favorites after ones with Landry) and goes straight into Coach’s wife confronting their daughter after seeing her boyfriend buying condoms in a goose bump scene if there ever were one. The will they or won’t they that bogged down the second half was a little much though. Maybe I’m a little bitter that I never hear those six words uttered to me in high school. Check out the latest episode over at NBC.com.



Lets Rob Mick Jagger: Quite possibly my favorite episode yet. The show is at its best whenever all the Knights are together like they were locked in the panic room and the changing clock got a good laugh every time. And it looks like they will have a new target next week now that they have given up on Mick Jagger. Check out the latest episode over at ABC.com.

Survivor: Yeah, this have and have-nots is turning out to be the worst idea ever for the show. The better switch something up soon. Check out the latest episode on Innertube.



Don’t forget to check out the latest Toss Up between Lost and Veronica Mars and my finale thoughts on the third season of Beauty and the Geek.

The Black Donnellys isn’t the only new Must Flee TV for me this week as we also get the new Fox (naturally) game show Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader? And if you watch, the simple answer is no, because you, my sir, are a moron.

Promo of the Week: In his spare time from robbing Mick Jagger it looks like Eugene Gurkin like posting videos to YouTube. Below is one of my favorite scenes that he has posted but I also highly recommend Rockefeller’s Ladies, The Low Down, and The Gang Enters Mick Jagger’s Apt or just check out all of Eugene’s Videos.




Pick of the Week: Veronica Mars, Tuesday 9:00, The CW. The last episode until April and we should expect fallout from Lamb’s death, the Logan/Parker newly formed friendship and if time remains we may even find out who killed the Dean. Speaking of which, make sure you check back tomorrow or sometime before the show to see the latest round of Oddsmakers to see a round up of all the suspects. Of course you can always check up on the mystery streaming the last four episodes over at CWTV.com or download the whole season to date over at iTunes.

I Want My Environment to be a Product of Me

There are very few things I could care less about than the Oscars. I have only watched the ceremony once and that was because Chris Rock was hosting. The show doesn’t appear on my radar mostly because every year, the categories are filled with movies I have never seen, and this year was no different as when the nominations were announced I hadn’t seen any movies in any of the major categories, but I had checked out Click which was actually nominated for something. What is worse is in the rare occurrence I do see a film that is not only nominated, but actually wins Best Picture, I find it to be the biggest waste of my time ever, much like the horrendous Crash last year (see my review: The Closest You Ever Came to Being Black Was Watching the Cosby Show).

Since the nominations, I have checked out one of the most nominated films, The Departed, if only to see how Mark Walberg could get nominated for an Oscar. Keep in mind folks; we are living in a time where both Marky Mark and the Fresh Prince of Bel Air both got nominated for an Oscar in the same year. To put that in perspective, it would be like predicting today that Kevin Federline and Nelly get nominated in 2021. But anyways.

After deviating into a bio flick and chronicling Bob Dylan’s music, Martin Scorcese is back to what he does back, directing a mobster movie. The twist though is the kingpin at the heart of the movie, Jack Nicholson (Batman), has groomed an informant since boyhood to join the Massachusetts State Police force, played by Matt Damon (Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back). On the other side, the stare police planted their very one cadet, Leonardo DiCaprio (Growing Pains), on the road to crime, having the guy commit crimes to get him some jail time as well as some street cred. Naturally, the two informants come close to crossing paths without each other knowing the true identity of each other although Scorcese takes this a little too far with both boys taking up with the same girl at different parts of the movie.

But the predictability stops there. Once both of the boys are fully imbedded, the movie starts its twist and turns that is doubtfully anyone will come seeing. Yeah, the movie is a little long in part that it takes a while to get to that point, and it seems that no one really knew what would be the best way to end the movie so it take a while to wrap up properly. But it is a thoroughly enjoyable ride as a whole and the acting plays a big role as Nicholson naturally nails his performance as some of the smaller roles played by Alec Baldwin (30 Rock) as the captain and Martin Sheen (The West Wing) also as a Captain and one of only two who know that DiCaprio is undercover.

The other being Marky Mark (of the Funky Bunch) who performance left me wondering how exactly he got a the nomination, he only shows up occasionally to drop expletives (the movie features 237 F Bombs) in the most exaggerated Bostonian accent despite being a native of the city. To think, another of Boston’s sons, Denis Leary passed on the role because it conflicted with Rescue Me. Now that would have made an already good movie better.

The Departed gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.