Lost is at its best this season whenever they focus on The Others, who were absent this week. While as Veronica Mars oddly enough is at its best whenever there is a scene in an elevator, which featured on in the past episode. But let’s see which episode was truly better by the numbers.
Words of Wisdom Lost: Desmond got some from old chick that may or may not be a figment of his imagination Veronica Mars: Logan got some from some young chick that may or may not be Dick’s sister-in-law Winner: Veronica Mars
Music Requests Lost: As a street-side performer in Desmond’s flashback/dream, Charlie played Oasis’s Wonderwall Veronica Mars: Heather requested Nick Lachey’s What’s Left of Me for Logan Winner: Veronica Mars
Return of the Evil Lost: Mr. Widmore makes an appearance in Desmond’s flashback/dream to crush Desmond Veronica Mars: Mr. Stultz returns as a suspect in the coach’s murder Winner: Lost
Wait, They Are Still on the Show? Lost: Pretty much any of the original passengers Veronica Mars: Wallace Winner: Veronica Mars
MIA Lost: Everyone on Other’s Island, oh and the new cast members were also absent Veronica Mars: Mac, Parker, Piz Winner: Lost
Trickery Lost: Hurley and Charlie get Desmond drunk to find out how he knows the future without him knowing that’s is their plan Veronica Mars: Keith makes Ronnie breakfast to get her to come to office for work Winner: Veronica Mars
Broken Up Over a Break Up Lost: Desmond still is hung up on Penny years later Veronica Mars: Logan is still hung up on Vee days later Winner: Veronica Mars
Fooled You Lost: Mr. Widmore made Desmond think that he was going to offer him some whiskey only to insult him during his flashback/dream Veronica Mars: Dick led Logan to believe that his future wife had a sister that was basically a twin Winner: Lost
Form of Entertainment Lost: Soccer Football on the telly Veronica Mars: Mario Cart Winner: Veronica Mars
Leader Replaced Lost: With Jack away, Locke has taken a leadership role Veronica Mars: With Weevil on the straight and narrow, Arturo is the new leader of the PCH’ers Winner: Lost
Marriage Problems Lost: Without her father’s Desmond decides against proposing to Penny Veronica Mars: After seeing her toes, Dick regrets getting married Winner: Veronica Mars
Cliffhanger Lost: “Charlie… You’re going to die.” Veronica Mars: “Ms. Mars, you are under arrest for the aiding and abiding of the escape of Josh Berry. You have the right to remain silent…” Winner: Veronica Mars
On the Internet Lost: You can see the latest episode over at ABC.com or download Flashes Before Your Eyes over at iTunes Veronica Mars: You can see the latest episode at CWTV.com or download Postgame Mortem at iTunes
There is nothing I hate more than dream sequences which is what made the most recent episode of Lost so excruciatingly painful to watch, like season two painful. What makes dream sequences so bad is that I never know what I’m supposed to get out of them: is it the character’s subconscious, is it what the writers want you to see. And the episode added another layer making us wonder if the whole thing actually happened, did Desmond really relive everything. And if that was so, how could he save Charlie the second time, if the first time around he died, then Desmond wouldn’t know he would have drowned had he not died originally. And this was basically the whole episode, with nothing happening except some puzzle pieces in Desmond back-story were filled, none of which were that interesting. Oh but next week there will be three big mysteries solve, which using previous Lost math means we will get thirty more questions to ask afterwards.
Luckily we have Veronica Mars who rarely is fails to move the storyline along. And we even get, as far as I can remember, the very first two part-er mystery of the week. And poor Wallace, he finally makes a triumphant return, to the team and the show, only to have his coach killed. I am kind of glad he bit the dust because I always thought they should have filled the coach’s shoes with a more high profile name like Charles Barkley, Kareem Abdul Jabbar, although they may want to cross Tim Haraway’s name of the list of potential replacements. I‘m also wondering if this will possibly tie into the Dean’s death.
But the best part of the night belonged to the Logan-Dick storyline and the girl Dick met that was so hot that he said he had to wear oven mitts just to feel her up and promised Logan her sister who was practically a twin. Logan delivered the great deadpan, “which one is yours when it turned out the sister was eleven. But it was the little girl that had the best lines including, “Do you want me to put highlights in your hair?” “I’m starting to smell like you” and “Quit flirting with me old man, I’m eleven. Geez that’s creepy.” And let’s not forget about her requesting Nick Lachey for Logan and the scene in the elevators. Why are all the Veronica Mars scenes set in elevators instant classics? I’m really hoping that Dick’s divorce doesn’t go too smoothly and is a future mystery of the week as you remember when Dick asked Logan if he knew any good lawyer, he responded he knew a lawyer, which presumably would be Cliff, which would the divorce proceeding even more entertaining.
Yesterday was Valentines Day, or as some of us called it, Wednesday. And here is a lyrics quiz for those of you that didn’t do any celebrating yesterday. And let’s face it; the anti-love songs are much more entertaining than the lovey dovey ones anyways. So here are my favorite songs to put on when ever I’ve been wronged. No pansy Nick Lachey songs here folks, just pure vengeance ones (but in a moment of weakness I did dedicate What's Left of Me to an ex on the radio yesterday). As always leave your guesses in the comment section, both song title and artist. If you are correct, I will un-bold the lyric and give you credit. The person with the most correct lyrics will be added to the Winner’s list on my sidebar. Oh and a bonus point for the title of this quiz. Now on to the lyrics:
1. Give me my money back you (expletive deleted). I want my money back and don’t forget to give me back my black t-shirt. (Song for the Dumped - Ben Folds Five; guessed by Dara)
2. She was low down and trifling and she was cold and mean. Kind of evil make me want to grab my sub machine. (Delia's Gone - Johnny Cash; guessed by Kristi)
3. How can I put it, you put me on. I even fell for that stupid love song. (Since U Been Gone - Kelly Clarkson; guessed by Dara)
4. It turns out he was a missing person that nobody missed at all. (Goodbye Earl - Dixie Chicks; guessed by Dara)
5. I’m going down to shoot my old lady; you know caught her messing ‘round with another man, and that ain’t too cool. (Hey Joe - Jimi Hendrix Experience; guessed by Kristi)
6. You didn’t know all the ways I loved you. So you took a chance, made other plan. I bet you didn’t think they would come crashing down. No. (Cry Me a River - Justin Timberlake; guessed by Dara)
7. You love her, but she loves him, and he loves somebody else, you just can’t win. (Love Stinks - J. Geils Band; guessed by Kristi)
8. Packing up, shacking up is all you want to do. If I could maybe I’d give you my world, open up everything is waiting for you. (Go Your Own Way - Fleetwood Mac; guessed by Dara)
9. Weren’t you the one who tried to break me with desire? Did you think I’d crumble; did you think I’d break down and cry? (I Will Survive - Gloria Gaynor; guessed by Dara)
10. Maybe I should rob somebody so we could live like Whitney and Bobby. (Used To Love U - John legend; guessed by Ashley)
11. Carved my name into his leather seats. Took a Louisville Slugger to both head lights. (Before He Cheats - Carrie Underwood; guessed by Angie)
12. I gave all my money and my time. I know it's a shame but I'm giving you back your name. Guess I'll be on my way. I won't be back to stay. (Sail On - The Commodores; guesed by Kristi)
13. I got all your love letter I through them all away. I hear you think that I’m crazy. I’m driving 95 and I’m driving you away. I shine a little more lately. (In the Rough - Anna Nalick; guessed by Jules)
14. So go ahead and get gone. Call up that chick and see if she’s home. Oops. I bet you though that I didn’t know. What do you think I was putting you out for? (Irreplaceable - Beyoncé; guessed by Arielle)
15. You don’t really want anymore from me to make things right you need someone to hold you tight. And you think love is to pray but I’m sorry I don’t pray that way. (Tainted Love - Soft Cell; guessed by Dara)
16. Whenever you see me you say that you want me back. And I tell you that it don’t mean jack. (Smile - Lily Allen; guessed by Dara)
17. Broken heart again, another lesson learned. Better know your friends or else you will get burned. Got to count on me cause I can guarantee that I’ll be fine. (No More Drama - Mary J. Blige; guessed by Monique)
18. I wonder how I bought all the lies. You said that you would treat me right but you was just a waste of time. (Leave (Get Out) - JoJo; guessed by Angie)
19. You didn't know what Rock-n-Roll was until you met my drummer on a grey tour bus. (Once Bitten, Twice Shy - Great White; guessed by Dara)
20. You burn (expletive deleted), I heard the story. You played me; you even gave him (expletive deleted). Now you’re asking for me back, you’re just another hack. Look elsewhere cause you’re done with me. ((Expletive Deleted) It (I Don't Want You Back) - Eamon; guessed by Arielle)
21. I saw the surprise and the fear in his eyes when I took his glass of champagne, I toasted you, said, “Honey we may be threw but you’ll never hear me complain.” (Friends in Low Places - Garth Brooks; guessed by Dara)
22. You’ve got your dumb friends. I know what they say, they tell you I’m difficult but so are they. But they don’t know me, do they even know you? (My Happy Ending - Avril Lavigne; guessed by Dara)
23. I'd rather clean all the bathrooms in Grand Central Station with my tongue. (One More Minute - "Weird Al" Yankovic)
24. And it hurts to want everything and nothing at the same time. I want what's yours and I want what's mine. I want you but I'm not giving in this time. (Goodbye to You - Michelle Branch; guessed by Dara)
25. You're a loaded gun. There's nowhere to run. No one can save me the damage is done. (You Give Love a Bad Name - Bon Jovi; guessed by Dara)
Bonus. Seems I'm not alone at being alone. (Message in a Bottle - The Police; guessed by Dara)
Never, under any circumstance, shovel snow on Valentines Day or any day where Sting-type length of dirty, dirty sex sessions. And if must shovel snow for some reason on days like Valentines Day, definitely don’t volunteer to shovel your neighbor’s driveway even if they have been ordered not to do any manual labor and wouldn’t be able to leave the house if you weren’t nice enough to shovel his driveway. Don’t do it, there is important baby making duties to do on Valentines Day (even if babies aren’t the result you are looking for). Unfortunately I didn’t take my own advice and spend four hour today shoveling snow and am now almost too tired to watch the Beauty and the Geek Finale.
And for those of you south of the Mason-Dixon Line or west of the Rockies who are asking themselves, “What is this snow that Scooter is talking about?” I even have a Public Service Announcement for you too: If you need to lose some weight, move to the Snow Belt. I’ve lost ten pounds in the last two days with all the snow we gotten. Of course the most important part in the weight loss is that do not buy a snow blower. You see those lazy neighbors that have snow blowers and were done in ten minutes certainly didn’t even lose a pound over the last 48 hours.
Valentines Day wasn’t a complete waste though as Avril Lavigne was nice enough to send me a Valentines Day card. Okay so when I opened it up she said she doesn’t like my girlfriend (apparently this is the title of her upcoming single off her new album coming out in April). So in the last year I’ve gotten a Valentines Card from Avril Lavigne a Christmas gift from Katharine McPhee and a birthday card from Kristen Bell (to be technical I got a card from Kristen on my birthday). With St. Patrick Day in month, maybe Mandy Moore, who has an album coming out in May, will come out to have a green beer with me. On a side note, is it wrong for someone who is called a music elitist to be way too excited for a new Mandy Moore album?
In complete unrelated television site MeeVee is launching it’s new site tomorrow so be sure to check that out then. Well unless it’s already Thursday when you read this and you can check it out now. I have more information on it but I have a lot of television to sleep through tonight (Friday Night Lights, Beauty and the Geek, Let’s Rob Mick Jagger, Lost), so I may post that later tonight or tomorrow. Also be sure to stop by for Lyrics Quiz dedicated to all of you that didn’t celebrate a holiday today.
There have been a couple of videos that have caught my eye lately so I though I’d give them some love since the death of Musical Television left a void for a forum on the art form so here they are courtesy of YouTube. I advise you to watch them before you read my reviews if you don’t want me to spoil things. If you are interested in buying the video through iTunes, click the title link (where available, if not the link goes to YouTube where you can watch the video in full screen). If you are interested in buying the song, look for a link in the analysis.
Do we really need a nine minute epic from Justin Timberlake? Probably not. But at least when he did, he went all out leading to the highest of high comedy (well the unintentional kind). The hallway scene could be the funniest scene in a video that isn’t meant to be since Pat Benatar confronted her pimp in Love is a Battlefield (see on YouTube). And why does JT chase after she storms out when he catches her cheating? Why doesn’t he do what normal people do when they catch a boy/girlfriend cheating, go home and listen to Cry Me a River on repeat?
I’m not sure how filming a video in Japan falls into The Killers recent Spaghetti Western look that they have been sporting for this album, but their look against a Japanese backdrop may be the least odd thing about the video filled with a Japanese Elvis and the hint of dude on puppet love.
We Americans may just be discovering the greatness of Lily Allen, but most of the rest of the world are already on her fourth single, the ode to her lazy brother, Alfie. As a little brother myself I probably should like the song and video, but how can you resist the best puppet porn since the creators of South Park last made a movie?
Here’s one for all of you celebrating Valentine’s Day tomorrow. I know John Legend will get plenty of play around the McGavin household. Although there won’t be any PDA in the park because it seems we have gotten about a foot a snow per hour here today. And for everyone who will refer tomorrow as just Wednesday, I have a Lyrics Quiz just for you coming Thursday so be sure to check back then.
The Grammy’s are always the best award shows of the year, but going into this year’s event you had a sense that the show would be an off year considering that 2006 wasn’t the best year for music in recent year. I first realized this as every year I make a mix tape for my sister of the best songs of the year for Christmas but this past year but only came up with about forty-five minutes of music. I ended up filling the rest of the album with seven different versions of Gnarls Barkley’s Crazy. In the end this year’s Grammy’s were solid but were missing a big water cooler event. In fact the only unannounced performers were Earth, Wind & Fire jumping on stage with Ludacris. The show may have been better off not announcing The Police reunion instead tease something big. But anyways. Her are some more thoughts on the big show:
- The big show starts off with the much hyped reunion of The Police performing their very first hit Roxanne. If I had a complaint it would be they only performed one song. Well, at least Quincy Jones’ daughter didn’t jump on stage to sing Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic.
- No host this year, but Jamie Foxx takes it upon himself to do a short monologue anyways that includes a funny Snoop Dogg left because he heard The Police were there joke.
- Natalie Maines defiantly looks better as a brunette. Although the darker hair didn’t help her fashion sense as the ruffles on her dress was a bad idea.
- Wow, two Prince sightings in as many weeks. And only he could have save the bland Beyoncé performance. Should have gone with Irreplaceable and put Prince to wok with his phallic guitar instead B.
- If there were a Jump the Shark equivalent in music it would letting the chick from Kids Incorporated in the The Black Eyed Peas. Need to come up with a catchy name though.
- It is nice to know that anyone with a record contract, a hand held camera, and a YouTube account can win a Grammy as OK Go takes home the Best Short Form Video Award.
- Can anyone explain to me why Justin Timberlake needs three piano players on stage with him when he is playing one too? But I like how he tried to convince everyone that the song What Goes Around... was written in voice of a friend of his. What I didn’t need though was the extreme close up during the Interlude part of the song.
- In the biggest shock of the night, in awards handed out earlier, "Weird Al" Yankovic didn’t win Best Comedy Album. I demand a recount.
- I wasn’t quite sold on it when I first heard it, but after sleeping on it, I appreciate the collaboration between Corinne Bailey Rae, John Legend (whose Coming Home stole the segment) and John Mayer much more. Although I am now convinced Mayer is purposely making the Joe Cocker faces during his guitar solos, not coming naturally. And after hearing his acceptance speech for Best Pop Album I’m also convinced that his IQ is dropping fast since hooking up with Jessica Simpson.
- Who invited the chick from The Pussycat Dolls? (Fun fact, the only chick that sings in that group was also in the reality made group, Eden's Crush, um not that I remember them either.)
- Yeah Shakira basically did the same performance as the one she did at the VMA’s this past year except instead of Indian garb her and her dancers wore golden breast plates for some reason. They also edited something out of Wyclef’s rap which to me sounded like he was trying to say, “I move the crowd like I’m Obama.” A network censoring someone shouting out Barack Obama, what is this Fox?
- Leave it up to the liberal commies of the music industry to give the Song of the Year to the anti Bush Not Ready to Make Nice over the pro-God Carrie Underwood. Fascists. And was that the dude from Semisonic up accepting the award with the Dixie Chicks?
- Wow, CBS held out its blatant product placement until the second hour with the chicks from How I Met Your Mother out to present Gnarls Barkley. The costumes were a little bit of a letdown as I’ve already seen the airport theme, but they by far had the best performance of the night.
- In categories handed out earlier, Ludicris takes home Best Rap Song for Money Maker with lines like, “It took yo momma nine months to make ya, so ya better shake what yo momma gave ya.” Did someone forget to tell the voters that this was a songwriting award? Luda then picks up the Grammy for Best Rap Album and gives the best shout out of the night that wasn’t censored thanking Oprah and Bill O’Reilly.
- Your random presenters of the night are Mandy Moore, Luke Wilson and LeAnn Rimes as they give the Best Country Album to the Dixie Chick who quote Nelson from the Simpsons. Classy.
- It would be too easy to mention that naturally all Carrie Underwood did was last night was sing karaoke. But I swear her drummer is the black writer for Studio 60 On the Sunset Strip. She then walks away with the Best New Artist award. Be sure to say hello to the Starland Vocal Band on your way to obscurity.
- In categories handed out earlier, My Humps won a Grammy. Also winning a Grammy this year: Ike Turner. Feel free to discuss amongst yourself which is more disturbing.
- Samuel L. Jackson comes out and says his favorite words are “Rhythm and Blues.” C’mon Sam everyone knows one of your favorite words is “Mother.” If you are unsure of the other word check out my review of Snakes on a Plane.
- During the R&B section, Smokey Robinson comes out and sings one of my favorite songs of all time, The Tracks of My Tears. Then Lionel Richie sings one of my favorite songs of the eighties, Hello. Then some dude named Chris Brown comes out and proves Rolling Stone’s assertion that he’s a better dancer than he is singer. Then in the most inexplicable moment of the night Christina Aguilera finally completes her transition into a drag queen by singing It's a Man's, Man's, Man's World.
- Token Old Dude alert. Well at least he didn’t spend his time whining about illegal downloading like Michael Greene always did.
- Your random transition of the night goes to the Ludacris with Mary J. Blige and Earth, Wind and Fire morphing into James Blunt.
- They spent way too much hyping that lame Grammy Moment contest. If I wanted to hear mediocre singers singing other people’s crappy songs I’d watch America Karaoke.
- For those keeping track at home, Justin Timberlake and Carrie Underwood both got to sing three songs, The Police: one.
- In the second biggest upset of the night, Not Ready to Make Nice beats out Crazy for Record of the Year. I really need someone to explain what exactly what is it about NRtMN that makes it better than Crazy. And was I just not paying attention, did CBS do some crafty editing to not promote a show not on their network, or did the dude from Heroes show up late because I didn’t notice him up to this point.
- The break announcer said the Red Hot Chili Peppers were going to have the performance that everyone will be taking about today. Um, what exactly should I be talking about, that it snowed, a trick they pulled at the VMA’s circa the Dave Navarro era?
- I had to chuckle at Al Gore when he talked about environment friendly the music industry is considering the stage was just covered in fake snow which I doubt is too good for the environment.
- Scarlett Johansson is recording an album. But how bad can it be when people like Lindsay Lohan and Jennifer Lopez have set the bar so low for actresses turned singers? She and Don Henley are out to give the Dixie Chicks a complete sweep for the night adding Album of the Year to names. Yeah they made a good album, but I wonder if people voted for them more because of their anti-Bush statements then the music itself.
Quote of the Week: You checked in two days ago under the name Richard Sambora. I think the scariest part of this whole thing is the fact that you’re a Bon Jovi fan. (Dean, Supernatural)
Song of the Week: The Indian version of Cats in the Cradle (Knights of Prosperity)
Big News of the Week: One of the most critically acclaimed shows of the season, Friday Night Lights made its way to iTunes this week where you can download all of the episodes of the show. For those still wavering on giving the show a chance, you can download the Pilot episode for free.
Super Bowl: Checkout out Super Bowl Shuffle 2007 where you can see that I was the only one who actually liked the Snickers commercial. But the only thing I find funnier than the ad itself is that those Communist Liberals hated it because they thought it promoted homophobia whereas the Bible-Thumping Conservatives hated it because they though it promoted the gay agenda.
Heroes: Yawn, it was way too easy to predict that Nathan would be Claire’s father. They should have gone with the more shocking route with it being the mysterious Linderman or even the cop, but then again, there is probably why they have a show and don’t so we will see how this turns out. I wonder if there is any coincidence that most of the heroes are related to other heroes, could the mutated hero gene be some sort of sexually transmitted disease? Check out the latest episode over at NBC.com.
Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip: If there is one complaint I have about the show it is sometimes the storylines go on too long. Almost every episode is a two or three part-ers like the last three were. As much as I loved Chandler bidding on Harriett, Snakes on the Set, and the Tom and Lucy debacle (which ended way too nicely) I was ready to move on early in this episode. But I loved how that Macow knew English all along, that surely comes in handy. Check out the latest episode over at NBC.com.
The (White) Rapper Show: Holy Bushwick Bill sighting! Mind Playing Tricks on Me is one of the greatest rap songs of all time and a Halloween won’t go by without me thinking of Bill’s verse. It was also great when Serch called out Sullie out for that whole snitching crap. The whole anti-snitching campaign is one of the dumbest aspect of rap and when they have you on film it really can’t be considering snitching because they already know everything. Moron.
Friday Night Lights: Really there is nothing much to say but Landry was the Powerpuff Football referee. If there are outtakes or an extended scene of this on the DVD, I will buy it the day it comes out. Check out the latest episode over at NBC.com.
Lets Rob Mick Jagger: The two Cats in the Cradle segments were the funniest scenes on any show this week and I’m laughing again just thinking about them. Not to be outdone, Rockefeller Butts also had an instant classic explaining how he and a white girl ended up with an Indian baby going with the Intelligent Design excuse. Fracking brilliant. Check out the latest episode over at ABC.com.
My Name Is Earl: As great as the nerd from Road Trip was as the white version of Crabman, they could have taken it further. But I content with the meeting between Mr. Turtle and Mr. Bearded Dragon. Check out the latest episode over at NBC.com.
The Office: I’m just going to come out and say it, I am rooting for Roy.
Promo of the Week: Look, a Veronica Mars promo that doesn’t have anything to do with the Logan and Veronica relationship. Of the twelve promos this year I think eight of them hinted at the two breaking up so it is refreshing to see one that doesn’t and this is one of the few promos this year that has actually got me excited for the episode. Also getting me excited for this week’s episode, my sources tell me we may actually have a Wallace sighting. Below the promo, for all you spoiler lovers, check out the director’s cut for a scene from the upcoming episode with a shocking reveal from Dick:
Pick of the Week: Beauty of the Geek, Wednesday 8:00, The CW: Yeah this season was a bit of a let down with the two least deserving beauties making it to the end but the tease that the final showdown will be something unexpected has me intrigued and C.C. doesn’t looked too happy about it. As for the surprise, I’m guessing the ousted teams get to choose the questions. As for the winners, I’m going with my original choice, Scooter (naturally) and Megan. You can catch up on the latest episodes over at CWTV.com.
Much has been made about the power of the internet in terms of marketing but the medium seems to cut down the people that they just built up. Howard Dean used to internet to became the front runner for the Democratic nominee until his scream became one of the first hit videos on YouTube. Recently Rolling Stone featured an article on how bloggers quickly turned on bands they just called the next big things like the Arctic Moneys and Cold War Kids. No one had a bigger build up or bigger fall than the movie Snakes on a Plane.
The internets went into full buzz mode when word broke on Aintitcool.com that New Line was putting into production a film with the working title Snakes on a Plane with Samuel L. Jackson as the lead. Websites popped up, tribute movies were uploaded to YouTube, New Line even went back and re-shot some scenes to include the infamous Jackson line after it appeared in a online comic book a fan made, and the movie may have become the very first cult to be one before it was actually released. Then the reviews started to come in and the general public turned on the movie which had a disappointing opening weekend.
The movie follows Jackson as an FBI agent who is in charge of transporting a witness to a murder from Hawaii to testify against the gangster who did it in Los Angeles. Needless to say the gangster doesn’t want the dude to testify so he had hundred of poisonous snakes released on the plane. Being a commercial flight, the plane onto which the snakes are released is full of your token stereotypes filled with C-Listers who you most likely would recognize even though you wouldn’t recognize their actual name. The only other name besides Jackson one would know is Julianna Margulies, who after this must really regret leaving ER, as a stewardess who just so happens to be on her last flight as she just passed the bar and is leaving to become a lawyer.
The rest of the cast is filled out by the chick from Clueless (the show not the movie) as the socialite complete with miniature dog, the dude from Homeboys in Outer Space as the rapper who happens to a germaphobe. One of his bodyguards is video game obsessed and played by the current token black dude for Saturday Night Live. The token hot chick from The New Guy is your flirty stewardess while Todd Packer from The Office is your horny pilot. On the ground, the dude from High Fidelity not named John Cusack or Jack Black is the snake expert who races to find anti-venom to treat the survivor when, or if, they reach LA. And poor Tim Riggins, he was the first to go, but at least he did so while joining the Mile High Club.
And of course with that as your movie, the bad reviews came pouring in which I never understood. What were all those people expecting, the Citizen Kane of disaster movies? The movie is called Snakes on a Plane, you should know from the title if you are going to like it or not. But for those of us who sat back and took the movie for what it was thoroughly enjoyable. In fact, I’m not sure if it was the intent, but Snakes on a Plane was one of the funniest movies in recent memories thanks in part to one of the most improbable ending of all time. Now is it too early to get some early buzz on the hopeful sequel, Snakes on a Boat, Snakes on a Train, and/or Snakes on a Spaceship?
Back for its fourteenth go around, Survivor remains a water cooler event even if people around the water cooler spend more time talking about how the show isn’t as good as past seasons. Even last season’s much hyped Race Wars theme lost some of allure after breaking up the racial groups two episodes in. For this season, set in Fiji, even though the cast isn’t divided up by race again this season it remains just as diverse as the last. The biggest surprise this season is the show is taking a page out of the Flavor of Love playbook with ridiculous nicknames including Dreamz (yes with a “Z”), Boo, Rocky, Mookie, and Yau Man (actually the last two may actually be their real names.
Okay, maybe the whole one team lives in the lap of luxury while the other has to get by with nothing may be the bigger surprise had the exact same thing was the exact same twist on executive producers other realty show, The Apprentice this season. I wonder if tribe will switch camps depending on who wins the reward challenge or if each tribe is stuck like this until a merge. Another twist in the game this season is that there are not one, but two hidden immunity idols. Maybe with more of them this season, one will actually get played unlike the last two.
As mentioned in the intro, despite people still tuning in, the show has lost its luster and I think I may have pinpointed the reason. As with most reality shows, Survivor lives and dies with its casting, but two things have happened with the show in recent years that combined hurt the show. Even though Survivor does a great job of casting as there is usually a villain and someone to cheer for in every season, but in recent years they have added way too many people with the last couple seasons having twenty constants instead of sixteen like the early years (only nineteen this season as one dropped out just hours before shooting). Couple that with the show no longer having extended premieres like they used to going ninety to two hours before voting anyone off making it harder for us to meet the new cast thus it takes longer for personalities to emerge. And while on the subject of casting, the show did a horrible recruiting any token hot chicks this season. Add to that one of the few serviceable girls were voted off first.
But anyways, here are some predictions
Most Interesting Day Job: Expert Witness Locator Will be Most Loved: Yau-Man Chan Will be Most Hated: Andria "Dreamz" Herd Most Likely to Quit: Well the chick that already did Most Likely to Hook Up: Mookie Lee and Stacy Kimball Most Likely to be Stuck on Exile Island the Most: James "Rocky" Reid Girl whom I still have dirty, dirty sex with even if she hadn’t showered for a month: Michelle Yi Next to be voted off: Gary Stritesky Winner: Earl Hickey Cole
Verdict: Much like a crack addict, I just can’t stop. Stream the latest episodes of Survivor: Fiji over at Innertube or download them on iTunes.
After three months, Lost finally came back and before the show I could care less. And a lot has changed to Wednesday since the show was last seen two. After the Fall Finale, there wasn’t anything worth watching on the day, but now it is almost as crowded as Mondays and Thursdays with Friday Night Lights moving there, Beauty and the Geek returning (although it ends next week), and the debut of the hilarious Let’s Rob Mick Jagger also known as Knights of Prosperity. And not only is Lost back, it is sadly at a new time because once again ABC and the show thought people lost viewers in the second season because it was up against karaokers not because it just wasn’t as good, same with the lame excuse that reruns were hurting the show’s creativity. But after last night’s episode, which was season one good, I’m back on board… for now. And since they were both on last night, it time for the first Toss Up of the year against Veronica Mars:
Disturbing Pregnancy Lost: Juliet impregnated a male rat Veronica Mars: Dick may have been the father of Bonnie’s baby Winner: Lost
Case of the Ex Lost: Juliet is caught stealing by her ex-husband while he was hooking up with the new “lab assistant” Veronica Mars: Dick had to learn that his best friend hooked up with his ex-girlriend from Ronnie Winner: Veronica Mars
Bad Hair Day Lost: Juliet in the past Veronica Mars: Madison in the present Winner: Lost
MIA Lost: All the original Losties but Jack, Kate, and Sawyer Veronica Mars: Everyone except those with the last names Mars or Navarro. Winner: Lost
Love Quadrangle Lost: Sawyer, Kate, Jack, Juliet Veronica Mars: Ronnie, Logan, Madison, Dick Winner: Veronica Mars
Breaking In Lost: Kate, Sawyer, and Alex broke into the facility to get Alex’s boyfriend Veronica Mars: Ronnie broke in to Not-Lucky’s office to see his browser history Winner: Lost
Caught on Film Lost: Juliet found the trio when they showed up on the video monitor Veronica Mars: The church people caught Ronnie coming out of the clinic Winner: Lost
Commercials Lost: Just your run of the mill ads Veronica Mars: If you were in a certain area, you may have seen the marriage proposal that was supposed to run during the Super Bowl as Veronica Mars was the chick’s favorite show Winner: Veronica Mars
On the Inside Lost: Ben used to have a tumor Veronica Mars: Dick may have a wadded up Maxim magazine where his heart should be Winner: Veronica Mars
Shocker Lost: Ben is Alex’s dad Veronica Mars: Ronnie ended up not having Madison’s car cubed Winner: Lost
So Lost is back with a vengeance but there may be something that the two best episodes in this short season focused solely on the Other’s camp. And much like the season premiere, this episode started off with a Juliet flashback with the big shocker that Ethan was in it, and the bigger shock, they were both in Miami. And the even bigger shocker, she impregnated a dude rat. We also learn that Juliet may not have willingly stayed on the island, which is of course why she may have wanted Not-Henry dead. No there is how you do a flashback on Lost.
But the biggest shock of them all came when we learn that Not-Henry was Alex’s dad, or at least that is what he is referred to. If Not-Henry is really her biological father, Lost has a lot of explaining to do because Rousseau didn’t recognize him when she caught her in her next last season. My working theory is Not-Henry steals young kids because he can’t have then himself so he steals them and raises them as his own and brought in Juliet to help create his own (but hopefully not to impregnate himself, but in another woman).
No impregnated dudes on Veronica Mars this week but the thought of daddy Dick is almost as disturbing. Didn’t Ronnie tell those two to make sure to use protection? Somewhat of a down episode as I could care less about Bonnie or Not-Lucky (I have a feeling that he will find out Ronnie was in his office) and the roommate turning out to be the culprit seemed like a stretch. Plus I don’t like Ronnie turning soft at the end, starting to forgive Madison. Hopefully that wasn’t the start of Vee beginning to forgive Logan because the show is much better when they are at odds.
Case in point, the banter between Ronnie and her nemesis Dick again was the best part of the episode. I loved when Vee just randomly blurted out the Logan and Madison hookup just to hurt him and Dick suggesting he would be Ronnie’s rebound leading to the best line of the night, “Look, if we’re not going to have an empty sexual encounter I kind of have stuff to do, sooo…” I was also glad to see the dude from 21 Jump Street back if only because he was my initial lead suspect in the Dean O’Dell case.
Next week on Lost unfortunately we get back to the main camp with a Desmond-centric episode. Keep in mind the last one was the first and only episode where we saw something off the island that wasn’t a flashback.
Veronica Mars actually had a promo that didn’t suck as there was no hint of relationship stuff in site. The show looks like it will be in fine form next week and for those that don’t mind spoilers, you definitely want to head over to CWTV.com to see a Director’s Cut scene from the episode that has a shocking surprise from Dick.
After the debacle that was the Bo Bice album, I had sworn off karaoke rejects. Seriously, if you don’t win, you should be forced back to your job at Kinko’s, America doesn’t want you. And it’s not even as if some of the winners were much better, latest seen with the bland Taylor Hicks album. But Katharine McPhee was nice enough to send me a Christmas gift and since fit the mold of the former karaoker that sucked the least, Kelly Clarkson and Carrie Underwood, I though I give her self titled album a listen. All three have that girl next door quality but the biggest difference of course is that McPhee lost, and not only did she lose, she lost to the weakest Karaoke winner of them all. Which could explain why Clarkson’s and Underwood’s first album covers played up that girl next door sweetness and McPhee had to go straight to the streetwalker getup with the spread legs. And what is up with the Cher-hair circa the late eighties?
Luckily for McPhee this review isn’t about fashion, but the music. The album itself starts of strong with the cheery Love Story which has that old time block party feel to it and has just the right amount of horns and bongos to it and the back up singers really help the sing along melody. That’s followed up by Over It that sounds like something from a young female sponsored by the Disney Channel in that it catchy in a good cheesy kind of way but at the end of the day it’s the most disposable of all disposable pop. In fact the whole album could easily be mistaken for a Disney album for the High School Musical set with its girl anthems and puppy love songs that never cross the line over PG-13 over watered down hip hop beats.
And those girls are laughable at best with Open Toes quite possible being the dumbest song ever written. It’s disturbing that it took six people, McPhee included, to write an ode to a girl’s favorite type of shoes. And just to clear up a line in the song where McPhee declares, “Cuz I know them boys, they like those open toes.” Um no, no we don’t. You could wear clogs for all we care because most dudes’ eyes don’t bother to look down that far. Dangerous reminds me too much of Nell Furtado’s Maneater, and that is not a good thing. Do What You Do is a clumsy attempt at a club hit but if this were ever to come on in a club, you would see the longest lines at the bathrooms. Well unless maybe if it’s a Middle School dance.
McPhee is most likely at her best during the ballads but one can’t help to think how they could have sounded if they were recorded by other seasoned artist. Home is decent, but it could have been much better had Christina Aguilera got it first. Each Other sounds like vintage Mariah Carey (i.e. pre-Honey) but with McPhee it’s mediocre at best while Mariah would have made it a smash hit. McPhee tries to channel her inner-Whitney Houston on Ordinary World but just can’t pull it off grandeur the song should have at its climax. Neglected is a decent kiss off song, but in the pantheon of post karaoke kiss off songs, it is a distant third behind Since U Been Gone and Before He Cheats. And it is not a good sign when a singer is outshined by her backup singers like McPhee is on the song. But at the end of the day Katharine McPhee is actually the second best post-karaokers album I’ve heard. Take that how you will.
As I stated in my Rules of Engagement Preview, I was torn on the show because it’s from the Happy Madison production company (as in Adam Sandler) but it stars David Spade who I can only take in small doses. The show centers around two couples with Spade as the third, um, I guess he would be the fifth wheel in this scenario. The show kicks off with an engagement which was done primarily because the boyfriend, Oliver Hudson (Goldie Hawn’s son) needed a place to stay and though what better time to propose than the night he moved in with his girlfriend, Bianca Kajlich (Rock Me Baby; you know, that sitcom with Dan Cortese. No? Um never mind then).
With a new couple in her building, the wife in the older couple, Megyn Price (Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector) decides that her and her husband, Patrick Warburton (Emperor’s New Groove), need more couple friends, well on account that they didn’t have any previously, and hilarity ensues. No seriously, this isn’t an idiom, the show is funny at points, including Spade (also Emperor’s New Groove) who is Hudson’s old running buddy during his single days whereas Spade still enjoys the single life. And actually the best part of the first episode was the verbal jousting that Spade and Warburton had. In fact was pitch point in every delivery making some jokes that shouldn’t have been funny work. Granted he wasn’t quite Rockefeller Butts funny.
The weakest link on Rules of Engagement though is the younger couple. Hudson apparently inherited absolutely no comic timing from his mother because it was sometimes painful to watch when he tried to land what should have been a funny line. His television wife didn’t fare much better either. And yeah, it’s only been one episode, but I’m not entirely sure what I’m supposed to thing of Spade, is his character changing already? Is the nurse going to become a fixture? Just a weird ending with him in the episode.
Verdict: Even though I’m not the biggest Heroes supporter, Rules of Engagement won’t make me switch the channel to catch it. But it is definitely worth checking out on CBS’s Innertube where you can stream episodes with limited commercial interruptions.
In other TV news, Friday Night Lights finally hits iTunes today. And not only is now on iTunes, you can download the Pilot episode for free. So if you have yet to give the show a try, what better way to start than now where you can see it without commercials and without having to pay a cent for it. So click on the name to check the show out or just to watch it again.
Before I get into the big show yesterday, and more importantly the commercials, let me first chastise Saturday Night Live for not resurrecting Da Bears. Even a crappy Da Bears skit would have been funnier than anything else that was on that show. Instead they resurrected another skit the Donnatella Versace Show and instead of bringing back George Wendt they brought back Horatio Sanz. Luckily Lily Allen saved the show otherwise it would have been a waste.
As for the game itself, I would again like to point out that I called the Indianapolis Colts over the Chicago Bears way back in September and was pretty close picking the actual score (I had 27-12 which isn’t that far from 29-17). So screw Miss Cleo, if you want to know what will happen next in your life call me, of course for a small fee. And I have to say that I much prefer the whole Super Bowl in inclement weather thing too, makes the game much more excited. In the first quarter alone there was three lost fumbles, two back to back, and an interception. The only bad thing about the weather was the one camera that was foggy all game, I though I was watching a cheesy dream sequence whenever they went to that camera.
But the Super Bowl is less about the actual game as the other bells and whistles throughout the game. It started off with some Cirque de Soleil stuff. Seriously, can we save this artistic crap for the opening ceremonies at the Olympics? Included in this performance was some dude named Louie Vega, At first I though it was Mambo King Lou Bega. The opening of the Kickoff Show is usually very well produced and this year was no different as the family segment definitely passed the Goosebumps test.
The Halftime Show starts off with the moron Shannon Sharp continually talking about what Chicago needed to do to get back in the game even though they were only down by two points. If you are within a touchdown you are, by definition, in the game. Luckily that ended soon and went to the second best Halftime Show ever (I still have U2 at number one). Seriously how better can it get that Prince singing Purple Rain in the rain? Yeah it could have been better had he sung more of his own songs as we really didn’t need to here his version of Best of Me. But interestingly enough the Foo Fighters recently covered Prince’s Darling Nikki. And even though he’s Born Again, Prince still seemed to get in a very phallic pose during the curtain segment. Miss the performance or like me and want to see it again, check out the videos below , well before YouTube will undoubtedly pulls it:
Now onto the most important part of the Super Bowl, the commercials. Much like recent year, none really stood out. Oddly not that many movies this year as Hollywood usually uses the Super Bowl to roll out its summer blockbusters. Then there was CBS that used about 70% of their ads to promote CSI and Survivor, their two most watched shows. Here’s something I never understand, why networks always promote shows that everyone already watches and not the ones that have low ratings? And I was shocked to learn the Shark is the most watched new show. But anyways. You can watch, and vote for your favorite over at YouTube but first here is the list of ads that flushed 2.5 million dollars down the drain:
1. Mapasaurus - some GPS 2. Car Machine Suicide - GM 3. Heart Under Attack - Beatyourrisk.com 4. Sheryl Crow - Revlon 5. Marketing Department - Godaddy.com 6. Connectile Dysfunction - Sprint 7. Dudes Washing Car - Chevy
And now the best:
1. Robert Goulet - Emerald Nuts 2. Gay Kiss - Snickers 3. Rock Paper Scissors - Bud Light 4. Mouse - Blockbuster 5. Auction Wedding - Bud Light 6. Chad Johnson’s Party - Some Beer 7. Beard Combover - Sierra Mist Free 8. Survive the Workday - Careerbuilder.com 9. Moon Office - Fed Ex 10. Car Crash - Doritos Old Dude - Coke 11. Truck Coming Together - Ford 12. Hitchhiker - Bud Light 13. Federline - Nationwide 14. Slap Replacing Hand Bump - Bud Light 15. Bank Robbery - E*Trade
Quote of the Week: And then you frakked. (Ronnie, Veronica Mars)
Song of the Week: Kiss Me - Sixpence None the Richer (Played during Eugene’s homosex date, Knights of Prosperity)
Big News of the Week: The Grammy’s are nice enough to give their opening slot to a little known band called The Police. My sources tell me they will be huge.
Theme of the Week: Dudes lie even when they don’t have to. On Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip Tom would have been better off telling Lucy (who definitely cleaned up nicely at the award dinner) the truth, that he was forced on the date. On Friday Night Lights Julie seemed way more upset that Matt lied about the calendar than actually being in it. Even after Veronica Mars gave Logan a free pass he still chose to lie and there is a good chance that the lying will be the one thing she can’t get past. Of course the classic example reared its ugly head again when Clark didn’t tell Lana about his abilities.
Heroes: I try to avoid most spoilers, but casting news if one of the few spoilers I don’t mind but they really ruined this episode more than if they focused the whole episode on Nicki. First it was impossible not to know that Sulu would be Hiro’s father as they have hyped his appearance for over a month now so it was pretty obvious early on that he was the big boss. Also there was no drama in Claire trying to find her mother, the chick from Boston Public, because the preview from last week gave away that ending. At least the third big reveal did come as a shock as Sylar has recovered, although I don’t remember them ever explaining how he didn’t break out earlier when he killed Eden. You can check out this episode with commentary from Greg Grunberg (the cop) and Hayden Panettiere (the cheerleader) over at NBC.com.
Veronica Mars: One thing I forgot to mention during I Like This Show, it’s Tawdry is that why did they bring up the Mexico storyline again. I thought it assumed that the Lilth House did another of their fake rapes that night. Oh and exchanging Mandy Moore for the Aerie Girls: Upgrade. Check out the latest episode of Veronica Mars and Beauty and the Geek over at CWTV.com.
Beauty and the Geek: There is just something wrong with the three least deserving beauties are the last three standing. I can actually feel my IQ drop whenever Megan (I’m a good screwer) or C.C. (Trashy not classy) open their mouths.
Let’s Rob Mick Jagger: With his longwinded suggestion on what to do if the homosex dude tried to kiss Eugene, Rockefeller Butts has vaulted over Parker and Landry as the best new character on television this season. Check out the latest episode over at ABC.com.
Friday Light Lights: How random was Julie hanging out with Tyra? The scene with them at Matt’s grandma, painting her toenails while listening to SexyBack was the most disturbingly entertaining scene of the week. Bonus points to the show for references the Old 97’s (even though Julie ended up not going to the concert). Check out the latest episode over at NBC.com.
Smallville: This show is at its best when it is campy and tongue in cheek about the Superman mythology and the first half of this episode was a great example of that. But then there was the shocker of an ending that Lana isn’t having a “normal” pregnancy that Lex isn’t telling her about. It is safe to say that the child won’t make it to see their first birthday, but I have a sinking suspicion that Lana won’t make it either.
My Name Is Earl: There was nothing funnier on television this week than Mr. Giggle-Belly. Nothing. On the other hand, the sex scene was the most disturbing of the week. Check out the latest episode over at NBC.com.
Promo of the Week: This is possible the funniest thing I see in a while (even funnier than Mr. Giggle-Belly) and watched it too man times since I saw it over at Give Me My Remote.
Pick of the Week: The Grammy’s Awards, 8:00 Sunday on CBS. Yeah, last year wasn’t really a good year for music, but this is by far the best award show of the year. This year you can expect performances by Christina Aguilera, Beyoncé, Mary J. Blige, the Dixie Chicks, Gnarls Barkley, Ludacris, the Red Hot Chili Peppers, Carrie Underwood, and Justin Timberlake with some random chick plus John Legend, John Mayer, and Corinne Bailey Rae take the stage together. Oh yeah, and don’t be late because The Police reunion kicks off the show (had you asked me a month ago what three bands I wanted to see get back together I would have said The Police, Rage Against the Machine and the classic Van Halen lineup; so naturally it was a great week for me hearing all three were getting back together this week).
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