We on Award Tour: 2007 Grammy Awards

The Grammy’s are always the best award shows of the year, but going into this year’s event you had a sense that the show would be an off year considering that 2006 wasn’t the best year for music in recent year. I first realized this as every year I make a mix tape for my sister of the best songs of the year for Christmas but this past year but only came up with about forty-five minutes of music. I ended up filling the rest of the album with seven different versions of Gnarls Barkley’s Crazy. In the end this year’s Grammy’s were solid but were missing a big water cooler event. In fact the only unannounced performers were Earth, Wind & Fire jumping on stage with Ludacris. The show may have been better off not announcing The Police reunion instead tease something big. But anyways. Her are some more thoughts on the big show:


- The big show starts off with the much hyped reunion of The Police performing their very first hit Roxanne. If I had a complaint it would be they only performed one song. Well, at least Quincy Jones’ daughter didn’t jump on stage to sing Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic.

- No host this year, but Jamie Foxx takes it upon himself to do a short monologue anyways that includes a funny Snoop Dogg left because he heard The Police were there joke.

- Natalie Maines defiantly looks better as a brunette. Although the darker hair didn’t help her fashion sense as the ruffles on her dress was a bad idea.

- Wow, two Prince sightings in as many weeks. And only he could have save the bland Beyoncé performance. Should have gone with Irreplaceable and put Prince to wok with his phallic guitar instead B.

- If there were a Jump the Shark equivalent in music it would letting the chick from Kids Incorporated in the The Black Eyed Peas. Need to come up with a catchy name though.

- It is nice to know that anyone with a record contract, a hand held camera, and a YouTube account can win a Grammy as OK Go takes home the Best Short Form Video Award.

- Can anyone explain to me why Justin Timberlake needs three piano players on stage with him when he is playing one too? But I like how he tried to convince everyone that the song What Goes Around... was written in voice of a friend of his. What I didn’t need though was the extreme close up during the Interlude part of the song.

- In the biggest shock of the night, in awards handed out earlier, "Weird Al" Yankovic didn’t win Best Comedy Album. I demand a recount.

- I wasn’t quite sold on it when I first heard it, but after sleeping on it, I appreciate the collaboration between Corinne Bailey Rae, John Legend (whose Coming Home stole the segment) and John Mayer much more. Although I am now convinced Mayer is purposely making the Joe Cocker faces during his guitar solos, not coming naturally. And after hearing his acceptance speech for Best Pop Album I’m also convinced that his IQ is dropping fast since hooking up with Jessica Simpson.

- Who invited the chick from The Pussycat Dolls? (Fun fact, the only chick that sings in that group was also in the reality made group, Eden's Crush, um not that I remember them either.)

- Yeah Shakira basically did the same performance as the one she did at the VMA’s this past year except instead of Indian garb her and her dancers wore golden breast plates for some reason. They also edited something out of Wyclef’s rap which to me sounded like he was trying to say, “I move the crowd like I’m Obama.” A network censoring someone shouting out Barack Obama, what is this Fox?

- Leave it up to the liberal commies of the music industry to give the Song of the Year to the anti Bush Not Ready to Make Nice over the pro-God Carrie Underwood. Fascists. And was that the dude from Semisonic up accepting the award with the Dixie Chicks?

- Wow, CBS held out its blatant product placement until the second hour with the chicks from How I Met Your Mother out to present Gnarls Barkley. The costumes were a little bit of a letdown as I’ve already seen the airport theme, but they by far had the best performance of the night.

- In categories handed out earlier, Ludicris takes home Best Rap Song for Money Maker with lines like, “It took yo momma nine months to make ya, so ya better shake what yo momma gave ya.” Did someone forget to tell the voters that this was a songwriting award? Luda then picks up the Grammy for Best Rap Album and gives the best shout out of the night that wasn’t censored thanking Oprah and Bill O’Reilly.

- Your random presenters of the night are Mandy Moore, Luke Wilson and LeAnn Rimes as they give the Best Country Album to the Dixie Chick who quote Nelson from the Simpsons. Classy.

- It would be too easy to mention that naturally all Carrie Underwood did was last night was sing karaoke. But I swear her drummer is the black writer for Studio 60 On the Sunset Strip. She then walks away with the Best New Artist award. Be sure to say hello to the Starland Vocal Band on your way to obscurity.

- In categories handed out earlier, My Humps won a Grammy. Also winning a Grammy this year: Ike Turner. Feel free to discuss amongst yourself which is more disturbing.

- Samuel L. Jackson comes out and says his favorite words are “Rhythm and Blues.” C’mon Sam everyone knows one of your favorite words is “Mother.” If you are unsure of the other word check out my review of Snakes on a Plane.

- During the R&B section, Smokey Robinson comes out and sings one of my favorite songs of all time, The Tracks of My Tears. Then Lionel Richie sings one of my favorite songs of the eighties, Hello. Then some dude named Chris Brown comes out and proves Rolling Stone’s assertion that he’s a better dancer than he is singer. Then in the most inexplicable moment of the night Christina Aguilera finally completes her transition into a drag queen by singing It's a Man's, Man's, Man's World.

- Token Old Dude alert. Well at least he didn’t spend his time whining about illegal downloading like Michael Greene always did.

- Your random transition of the night goes to the Ludacris with Mary J. Blige and Earth, Wind and Fire morphing into James Blunt.

- They spent way too much hyping that lame Grammy Moment contest. If I wanted to hear mediocre singers singing other people’s crappy songs I’d watch America Karaoke.

- For those keeping track at home, Justin Timberlake and Carrie Underwood both got to sing three songs, The Police: one.

- In the second biggest upset of the night, Not Ready to Make Nice beats out Crazy for Record of the Year. I really need someone to explain what exactly what is it about NRtMN that makes it better than Crazy. And was I just not paying attention, did CBS do some crafty editing to not promote a show not on their network, or did the dude from Heroes show up late because I didn’t notice him up to this point.

- The break announcer said the Red Hot Chili Peppers were going to have the performance that everyone will be taking about today. Um, what exactly should I be talking about, that it snowed, a trick they pulled at the VMA’s circa the Dave Navarro era?

- I had to chuckle at Al Gore when he talked about environment friendly the music industry is considering the stage was just covered in fake snow which I doubt is too good for the environment.

- Scarlett Johansson is recording an album. But how bad can it be when people like Lindsay Lohan and Jennifer Lopez have set the bar so low for actresses turned singers? She and Don Henley are out to give the Dixie Chicks a complete sweep for the night adding Album of the Year to names. Yeah they made a good album, but I wonder if people voted for them more because of their anti-Bush statements then the music itself.