DMB Week - Ranking the Albums

It's the start of Dave Matthews Band Week here on the 9th Green in celebration of tomorrow's release of the new album, Stand Up. I've already taken a listen to it thanks to VH1 and my preliminary assessment is a good one. The full review will cap off the end of DMB Week. In today's installment, I'll be counting down the all of the studio albums, so no live albums (that will be coming later in the week). Also no Remember Two Things, Recently, or Lillywhite Sessions as most of those songs show up on the major label releases.

5. Which one of these is not like the others? Three minute pop songs, little violin and saxes, Glen Ballard; all this adds up to not your typical DMB album. It's safe to say that this album scrapes the bottom of every DMB fan's list. It almost plays like like a Dave Matthews solo album, except Dave's real solo album is better than this. But there are some good songs here, When the World Ends grew on me after it originally pissed me off that it ended abruptly. I at first thought my CD was defective. It wasn't until I heard the song live that I realized "When the world ends, and the world ended before the song ends." Everyday also spawned the best DMB video for the title track with the creepy fat dude (currently seen in Project Greenlight - reminder, the season finale is this Thursday) who went around hugging everyone.

4. The first half of Crash is as good as the best of them, but I feel the second falls flat. Crash, of course has the big song, Crash Into Me. A song that every girl of my generation is obsessed with and wants it to be Their Song at her wedding yet doesn't realize the song was written through the eyes of a stacker. "Oh I watch you there through the window and I stare at you. You wear nothing, but you wear it so well." The album closer, Proudest Monkey, ranks as my least favorite DMB song of all time. On the other side, #41 transitioning into Say Goodbye is one of my all time favorite DMB moments which I'll go into greater detail during my greatest songs countdown later this week.

3. The reason why the Lillywhite Sessions was excluded from this list is because, for all intents and purposes, they are essentially the same album. And since most songs were salvaged from the pre-Everyday Littlywhite Sessions (check back later this week for a DMB history for an explanation), Busted Stuff makes a good title. One of the few truly new songs from the album, You Never Know has one of my favorite lines from a DMB song, "Everyday should be a good day to die." The two best songs on the album, Grace is Gone, the saddest song Dave ever wrote, and Bartender do actually sound better on the Lillywhite Session, but a good listen on either album nonetheless.

2. Surprising that my deep hatred for Alanis Morissette, who appears on two songs, didn't put Before These Crowded Streets at a disadvantage on this list. The album seems darker than the previous one with moody songs as apparent by the first single, Don't Drink the Water, which had a video that featured the head of Dave missing its body. The album didn't get much cheerier from there with The Last Stop, The Stone, and the darkest of them all, Halloween (which was dusted off from the earlier Recently album). One of the few upbeat songs is Stay (Wasting Time), which is highlighted with a group of background singers, the song just doesn't sound as good live with out them. Also to add to the ambiance of the album is a few short instrumental songs that take place in between songs. That is something I wish the band would bring back.

1. The album that started it all, at least for us who live outside of the southern east coast. It took me a while to be sold on DMB and once I got this CD as a gift, it was hard to bet out of my CD player, and still gets heavy rotation even today. Definitely more upbeat than Before These Crowded Streets, Under the Table and Dreaming has a positive feel to it as heard in the opener The Best of What's Around, as well as the singles Satellite and Ants Marching. There is not a song that I even have the notion to skip over on hear. When I countdown my Top 10 songs, UTTAD will have the most entries in it. The songs themselves are getting better with age too as songs like Warehouse and Jimi Thing take on new lives at concerts these days. The album caps off with #34, also the 34th track so make sure you stick around, an instrumental that is so light, it almost serves as a lullaby, a great ending to their best album.

Be sure to stop back tomorrow for day two of Dave Matthews Band Week. Also tomorrow is the release date for Stand Up, so make sure you pick it up and if you can't wait, stop over at VH1 to stream the album in it entirety. Also feel free to leave a comment listing how you would rank the albums.

We're Just Ordinary People

You may not recognize the name John Legend, but there is a good chance that you have heard his voice or heard him play piano on songs by Lauryn Hill, Alicia Keys, and Kanye West. West has since signed Legend to be the flagship to his record label and produced his solo debut, Get Lifted. One thing that has ruined R&B in recent years is the major rap influence (are you taking note Mariah?). And even though West's influence can be heard throughout the album, Get Lifted isn't bogged down in an exaggerated bass line or drum loops and Legend's piano take center stage on most songs much like Alicia Keys, the only other R&B singer today that worth listening to today. Even raps by West and Snoop Dogg don't overshadow Legend.

The running theme on Get Lifted is relationships to the point where it almost a concept album. Within those relationships, cheating comes up allot. The theme starts off with the kiss-off, Used to Love U, a song where Legend dumps a materialistic girlfriend. The song spawns the greatest lyric from the album, "Maybe I should rob somebody so we could live like Whitney and Bobby." Alright is where Legend tries to get on the relationship horse again. And it's alright is the girl already has a boyfriend. He continues to pursue the girl with She Don't Have to Know again trying to a girl to cheat, explaining that he's doing the some thing to his current significant other.

The next four songs Number One featuring Kanye West, I Can Change featuring Snoop Dogg, Ordinary People, and Stay with You, Legend try to repent for his past transgressions. Number One starts off, "Now you can't say I don't love you just because I cheat on you." Now if only I can find a woman that will buy that kind of line. The interesting part of I Can Change is how believable Legend is but you almost have to chuckle when Snoop tries to convince his girl. This is highlighted by the lines, "You make me want to lay down my pimpin' and step my love game up. I can make your zoom zoom go boom boom." There is nothing more romantic than quoting old Wreckx-N-Effect songs. Things get slowed down with Ordinary People where Legend does his best Donnie Hathaway impression. This song is also the highlight of the album where it's just Legend and his piano on the song.

The last part the album seems to be more influenced by his family. It Don't Have to Change featuring the Stephens Family (Legend's original last name is Stephens) seems like a more soulful version of Kanye West's Family Business. Overall, Get Lifted is a solid debut and a must have for any true fan of soul music.

Get Lifted gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.

Musings From the Back 9 vol. III

- Is there anything more annoying than the person who stands in the same place in the supermarket for minutes at a time blocking you from the Ho-Ho's that would take you a second to pick up?

- All video game nerds need to check out this movie. Warning, pop some popcorn, this is going to take awhile: PSP vs. Everyone

- Jeb Bush, with the NRA by his side, recently passed the "fight force with force" law. Great. I can't wait on my next vacation to accidentally bump into a native only for him to pull out an AK and put more holes in me than Swiss cheese. I guess Jeb isn’t a Christian like his brother because true Christians turn the other cheek. Wait, George doesn’t really turn the other cheek much either. For more on this story check out - Law Lets Floridians `Meet Force With Force'

- Sticking with the armpit of America, Florida officials said that a fourteen orphan is not mature enough to have an abortion. Great rational until some one asks, "is a fourteen year old mature enough to have a baby."

- With the last two items, one has to wonder what is going on down in Florida? Add to the list Shivo, Elian Gonzalez, voter fraud, girls gone wild, hurricanes. What was the one constant for all of this? Yeah, you guessed it, Jeb Bush. I'm not into conspiracy theories, but I have a feeling there might be a correlation. (I guess conspiracy theories aren’t that bad when I'm the one to start them.)

- The most interesting aspect of the Runaway Bride episode is, aside it surprisingly has nothing to do with Florida, is that the bride said her kidnappers were Hispanic. Fake assailants were typically reserved for African Americans, but this is what happens when you become the largest minority. So congratulation Hispanics, you have become the biggest target for racism.

- I recently have seen a slew of teenagers wears shirt that read, "Don't blame me, blame my parents." How do they get away with wearing this? Do these kids actually do their own laundry because I know from experience that I never saw my "Just Do Me" shirt again after the first time I put in the laundry bin.



- I'm sure that everyone has seen this picture by now. Bushites people have explain that it is a custom in Saudi Arabia. But Bush is not Arab, he's American. And in America, when two dudes hold hands, they are considered gay homosexuals. And Howard Dean wanted to be the first gay President. I guess you are too late Mr. Yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.

- So Kellen Winslow might have a torn ACL and be out for another season. Thanks Butch Davis. So we wasted a first round and a second round pick for a moron who was so willing to ignore his contract. And what was he doing at Cuyahoga Community College? If you are going to something stupid, at least do it at a real college.

- Dave Matthews Band week starts in two day. For those that want an early jump, VH1 is streaming their new album Stand Up.

If I Could Be…

Aaron tagged me, so here I go!

Rules: What follows is a list of different occupations. You must select at least five of them. You may add more if you like to your list before you pass it on (after you select five of the items as it was passed to you). Of the five you selected, you are to finish each phrase with what you would do as a member of that profession. Then pass it on to three other bloggers.

Here’s that list:
If I could be a scientist… If I could be a farmer…
If I could be a musician… If I could be a doctor…
If I could be a painter… If I could be a gardener…
If I could be a missionary… If I could be a chef…
If I could be an architect… If I could be a linguist…
If I could be a psychologist… If I could be a librarian…
If I could be an athlete… If I could be a lawyer…
If I could be an innkeeper… If I could be a professor…
If I could be a writer… If I could be a backup dancer…
If I could be a goonie… If I could be a spy…
If I could be a llama-rider… If I could be a bonnie pirate…
If I could be a midget stripper… If I could be a proctologist…
If I could be a TV-Chat Show host… If I could be an actor…
If I could be a judge… If I could be a Jedi…
If I could be a mob boss…If I could be a backup singer…
If I could be a CEO…If I could be a hobbit…
If I could be a movie reviewer… If I could be a monkey’s uncle…
If I could be a gangster… If I could be Miss America…

Here are my choices:

If I could be a musician... I would be a backpack rapper. For reference, check out albums by A Tribe Called Quest or Kanye West. These are rappers that concentrate more on lyrics than the beats and don't need to rap about how hard they are or how much bling they have, which has sadly dominated the rap scene lately.

If I could be a backup dancer… I would backup Mandy Moore hoping to be her own personal Kevin Spears. Hopefully unlike Brittney, Mandy doesn't turn into white trash after we start to hook up. A side note, I once met, and hit on Mandy Moore not knowing who she was. Had I only asked for her number back then.

If I could be a writer… I would write the greatest musical ever written. That shouldn't be too hard considering 99% of musicals are absolutely horrible. And yes, I do have the idea of what it will be about and no, I won't tell you. All I need to help me is a chance meeting with Lionel Ritchie so he can be the Rogers to my Hammerstein. Or Hammerstein to my Rodger, I can remember which one did what. I wonder if they will ever do a Project Greenlight type show for musicals.

If I could be an actor… I would want to be Dr, Venkman in a remake of Ghostbusters. He gets slimed, covered in marshmallow, and he gets the girl (Kate Bosworth would play the Sigourney Weaver part.) I may have to write a role for myself in my musical too.

If I could be a painter… I would be Bob Ross. A white man's afro. Happy little trees. No mistakes, just happy accidents. How great would that be? Except for that whole being dead part.

Now it’s my turn to tag someone. I choose…

Vryce
P!nk
Martyn

If You Can Dodge a Wrench, You Can Dodge a Ball

The MTV Movie Awards were announce today so I threw together some predictions. Before I get to that, here are a few random thoughts. Jimmy Fallon has been announced as the host. Why? Did MTV not realize he hosted one of the worst Video Music Awards of all times and he was the major reason? Did they not see the box office return for Taxi. At least the last time he hosted the Movie Awards they had him host with Kirsten Dunst. I'm sure I'll be wishing for Lindsay Lohan to host again before Fallon's monologue is over. If you want to vote yourself, stop over to the MTV website. No musical performances announced yet, so onto the nominees:

Best Movie
"Kill Bill Vol. 2"
"Napoleon Dynamite"
"Spider-Man 2"
"Ray"
"The Incredible"

Who I voted for: Spider-Man 2
Who will win: Spider-Man 2

This was a no brainer for me as Spider-Man 2 will, and should walk away with some golden popcorn. The Incredible was decent for a kid’s movie. I have refused to see Ray due to my moratorium on bio-flicks and Napoleon Dynamite sucked massively as I already reported here. Might I also point out that Napoleon Dynamite was produced by MTV Films. I would have put Dodgeball in its place. Conspiracy anyone? When it comes down to it, the comic book nerds will crush the Tarantino nerd.

Best Male Performance
Jamie Foxx - "Ray"
Will Smith - "Hitch"
Brad Pitt - "Troy"
Matt Damon - "The Bourne Supremacy"
Leonardo DiCaprio - "The Aviator"

Who I voted for: Matt Damon
Who will win: Jamie Foxx

I have no bases for this vote as I saw none of these movies. Foxx will make it a complete sweep of all the awards. I voted for Damon solely because he brought us Project Greenlight. And why are all the nominees "serious" actors? Where's Ben Stiller? The Movie Awards are getting as bad as the Oscars when it comes to nominees.

Best Female Performance
Uma Thurman - "Kill Bill Vol. 2"
Lindsay Lohan - "Mean Girls"
Hilary Swank - "Million Dollar Baby"
Rachel McAdams - "The Notebook"
Natalie Portman - "Garden State"

Who I voted for: Natalie Portman
Who will win: Lindsay Lohan

How cute was Portman in that movie? For that alone she deserves to win, but MTV, and its 14 year old white girl fan base, love Lohan for some reason, so she will win it. Hopefully we are not subjected with a performance from her.

Best Comedic Performance
Antonio Banderas - "Shrek 2"
Dustin Hoffman - "Meet the Fockers"
Will Ferrell - "Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy"
Ben Stiller - "Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story"
Will Smith - "Hitch"

Who I voted for: Ben Stiller
Who will win: Will Ferrell

I have yet to figure out why everyone finds Ferrell funny. I never laughed at one of his sketches on SNL. Yet I fell off the couch every time I watch Dodgeball.

Best On-Screen Team
Lindsay Lohan, Rachel McAdams, Lacey Chabert and Amanda Seyfried - "Mean Girls"
Craig T. Nelson, Holly Hunter, Spencer Fox and Sarah Vowell - "The Incredible"
Will Ferrell, Paul Rudd, Steve Carell and David Koechner - "Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy"
Vince Vaughn, Christine Taylor, Justin Long, Alan Tudyk, Stephen Root, Joel David Moore and Chris Williams - "Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story"
John Cho and Kal Penn - "Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle"

Who I voted for: Dodgeball
Who will win: Mean Girls

My love of Dodgeball has already been established, yet why no love for Rip Torn, he was the coach and inspired my title. But anyway, they have no chance against hot chicks in tight clothes. Not that I have any problem with that.

Best Villain
Tom Cruise - "Collateral"
Ben Stiller - "Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story"
Rachel McAdams - "Mean Girls"
Jim Carrey - "Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events"
Alfred Molina - "Spider-Man 2"

Who should win: Rachel McAdams
Who will win: Alfred Molina

My vote is completely based on looks here. And the nastier Rachel got the hotter she looked. Ben Stiller, on the other hand, was just too stupid to be a Plus I can make an argument that Molina wasn't the actual villain but the tentacles were technically the villain, but the nerds will vote for him anyways.

Breakthrough Performance Male
Jon Heder - "Napoleon Dynamite"
Tim McGraw - "Friday Night Lights"
Zach Braff - "Garden State"
Freddie Highmore - "Finding Neverland"
Tyler Perry - "Diary of a Mad Black Woman"

Who I voted for: Zach Braff
Who will win: Jon Heder

Interesting competition. Braff deserves this mostly due to the writing and direction rather than the acting It will be a crime if the unfunny Herder wins but I have a feeling he will.

Breakthrough Performance Female
Rachel McAdams - "Mean Girls"
Ashanti - "Coach Carter"
Elisha Cuthbert - "The Girl Next Door"
Bryce Dallas Howard - "The Village"
Emmy Rossum - "The Day After Tomorrow"

Who I voted for: Rachel McAdams
Who will win: Rachel McAdams

I am beginning to think I may have a new crush. Granted Ashanti can't act, Cuthbert should be penalized for playing a porn star and not showing the goods, Rossum was fairly unmemorable in Day After Tomorrow. Howard might be in the category only because her uncle won the last Lifetime Achievement Award. Where did that award go anyways? That was always one of the best parts. Shaft, Chewbacca, and Jason Voorhees all past winner. Let's bring it back please.

Best Action Sequence
Destruction of Los Angeles - "The Day After Tomorrow"
The Subway Battle - "Spider-Man 2"
Beverly Hills Plane Crash - "The Aviator"
The Moscow Car Chase - "The Bourne Supremacy"
The Desert Terrorist Assault - "Team America: World Police"

Who I voted for: Team America: World Police
Who will win: Spider-Man 2

Puppets up for the Action Sequence award? The absurdity of that should put it on top, but alas, the nerds will come out on top.

Best Fight
The Battle of the News Teams - "Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy"
Daryl Hannah vs. Uma Thurman - "Kill Bill Vol. 2"
Brad Pitt vs. Eric Bana - "Troy"
Ziyi Zhang vs. The Emperor's Guards - "House of Flying Daggers"

Who I voted for: House of Flying Daggers
Who will win: Anchorman

Again, the best won't win.

Best Kiss
Rachel McAdams and Ryan Gosling - "The Notebook"
Natalie Portman and Zach Braff - "Garden State"
Gwyneth Paltrow and Jude Law - "Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow"
Jennifer Garner and Natassia Malthe - "Elektra"
Elisha Cuthbert and Emile Hirsch - "The Girl Next Door"

Who I voted for: The Notebook
Who will win: The Notebook

This award was entertaining 15 years ago, but it has lost its luster. I voted for The Notebook only because I was constantly told I looked like the dude from The Notebook. I haven't decided if being compared to a guy from a chick flick was a good thing or not.

Best Musical Performance
Jennifer Garner and Mark Ruffalo (Thriller Dance) - "13 Going On 30"
Will Ferrell, Paul Rudd, Steve Carell and David Koechner - (Afternoon Delight) - "Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy"
John Cho and Kal Penn (Hold On) - "Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle"
Jon Heder (Election Dance) - "Napoleon Dynamite"

Who I voted for: 13 Going On 30
Who will win: Napoleon Dynamite

This is all we have to choose from? Garner win only because it's a Michael Jackson reference that doesn't involve little boys for once.

Best Frightened Performance
Cary Elwes - "Saw"
Sarah Michelle Gellar - "The Grudge"
Jennifer Tilly - "Seed of Chucky"
Mya - "Cursed"
Dakota Fanning - "Hide and Seek"

Who I voted for: Sarah Michelle Gellar
Who will win: Sarah Michelle Gellar

A new category that should go as soon as it came. Not much of a horror guy, so I didn't see any of the movies so I'll just go with Buffy as will I think everyone else.

Best Video Game Based On A Movie
"Spider-Man 2"
"Van Helsing"
"Chronicles of Riddick: Escape From Butcher Bay"
"Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban"
"The Incredible"

Who I voted for: Spider-Man 2
Who will win: Spider-Man 2

Spider-Man 2 was the only game on the list that I played and it was pretty good after I finally got feeling for the controls, although I never was able to master them. I had to chuckle seeing Riddick and Van Helsing up for an award.

And Then Bobby Punched Her in the Face

Last Thursday saw the return of the greatest show that has ever been on VH1, Behind the Music. There is nothing better than the rise and fall, and inevitable comeback of bands of yesteryear. The most recent episode featured New Edition, the originator of the modern day Boy Band. The star of the show was obviously Mr. Whitney Houston himself, Bobby Brown. At one point Bobby apologized for being high on many different things during the 1996 Home Again Tour, and apparently he still hadn’t come down since then. Then he challenged New Kids on the Block to, I think, a basketball game. When talking about his various jail terms, he simply had to say he has spent more time in his bathroom than the time they gave him. In other words, “Kids – just say no.”

After anything involving Bobby Brown, the most interesting aspect of the episode was how hard the members’ childhoods were. I knew that they live in the ghetto, but I was unaware that any of them were embroiled in the big civil rights movements of the time as some of the members were escorted to school by state troopers. This was really Eyes on the Prize type of stuff.

Inexplicably missing from the episode was Ronnie DeVoe. Did he possibly have something better to do? Granted in the New Edition pecking order, he’s most likely coming in 6th (out of 6). So maybe they did interview him, but didn’t have any good material from him. Or maybe they are holding him back for the Bell Biv DeVoe Behind the Music as the New Edition spin-off got very little of a mention. Hopefully that will be coming soon as Bell Biv DeVoe holds a special place in my heart as my very first concert on the Club MTV Tour along side Tony! Toni! Tone!, C+C Music Factory, and Rico Suave. As for other Behind the Music’s I’d like to see, at the top of the list would be Van Halen, or a least a David Lee Roth episode.

Title? I Don't Need No Stinking Title.

May’s induction into the Scooter Hall of Fame, Blazing Saddles is a movie I hold close to my heart as it was the very first R-rated movie my parents ever let me see. And after quoting certain lines from the movie, it was the last R-rated movie they let me see for a while. The movie worked on so many levels and every age group. As a pre-pubescent boy, how could you not love the farting scene or the Road Runner type physical comedy with Mongo? As an adult, I have grown to enjoy the social satire of the mid-1970’s set in the 1870’s. This is a movie that will always be funny.

With every generation, there is a movie that every male knows and can quote by heart. My generation can spout Happy Gilmore lines on cue. For the previous generation, that movie was Caddyshack. Sadly the next generation seem to be able to quote Napoleon Dynamite ad nausea (I’m hoping that I’m just out of touch, and there is actually a different movie for them. One movie that every generation can quote, of course, is Blazing Saddles. It seems like every couple days a line from the movie comes out of my mouth. "Where all the white women at?" "Excuse me while I whip this out." "My name is Scooter, but most people call me… Scooter." And there are the quotes that kept my parents from letting me watch R-rated movies. Not to mention, there was a Law & Order show (Lord knows I can’t remember which one) that used the, "Badges? We don’t need no stinking badges."

Last year marked the 30th anniversary of Blazing Saddles and a special edition DVD was release to commemorate the movie. On the DVD was one of the worst audio commentaries with Mel Brooks just talking about the movie not necessarily talking about the scene that is going on then for a reason unbeknownst to me, the commentary stops long before the movie is over. There was an interesting documentary that points out that Richard Prior helped co-write the film (rather than writing foe Black Bark, he instead spent most of his time writing for Mongo) and was originally meant to play the sheriff before the studio nixed that idea. At least he got to work with Gene Wilder in the deaf/blind comedy, See No Evil, Hear No Evil. The DVD also includes some additional scenes, mostly with Mongo, and it also included the TV censored version of the campfire scene with horses neighing instead of the farting which is surprisingly funny hearing a different sound than what you know you should be hearing. The highlight of the special was the pilot for the Blazing Saddles spin-off, Black Bart staring Lou Gossett as the sheriff. I didn’t even realize that this existed until this disk came out. Granted, I hadn’t been born yet. The show, in itself, isn’t as good as the movie as the name Mel Brooks doesn’t appear in the credits. But it was interesting to see, nonetheless.

With Blazing Saddles, Young Frankenstein, Spaceballs, among others, Mel Brooks has done the best at making fun of other genres. Sadly, no one has seemed to capture the brilliance of the Brooks’ parody. So today we are left with the horribly not funny Scary Movie franchise. The problem with today’s parodies is that that try too hard to mock other blockbusters, they ignore the story to get it, whereas, the Brooks’ films cared more about the overall stories, and the jokes will come from that.

If You Wrote Me Off, I'd Understand It

Ben Folds, formally of the numerically deficient Ben Folds Five (there were only three of them), rode high on the Geek Rock phase in the late 90's that also included Weezer and Barenaked Ladies. After the release of the great Whatever and Ever Amen, featured the best break up song ever, A Song for the Dumped, and the big hit Brick, Ben dropped the other four two and released a lackluster debut solo album, Rockin' the Suburbs. Piano pop has since been taken over by the females such as Alicia Keys and Vanessa Carlton. I was about to write Ben off until I discovered the brilliant (expletive Deleted) Ain't (Expletive Deleted) and it renewed my faith. This was when I heard the first single, Landed, from the new album, Songs for Silverman. In the song, Folds almost admits his recent lackluster past with the line "If you wrote me off, I'd understand it." He may know that this may be his last shot and he comes out with some of his best work. Landed, like most of the songs on the album, is a grandioso song in vein of Elton John's 70's catalog (this is a guy who is known to sing Rocket Man in concert).

Ben Folds has shown much growth as a songwriter with this album, dealing with more relationship from a more mature vantage point. This most evident in the opener, Bastard, an ode to an old man who thinks he know everything. In the song, he points out "The wiz man never fit you like the wiz kid did." It's almost as if he's talking about the smart-aleck Ben Folds that appeared on earlier albums. Jesusland, keeping with the 70's vibe, sounds disturbingly like Kansas' Dust in the Wind. The song is a drive through Red State America through the eyes a Blue States, so channeling Kansas (a Red State) almost makes sense. Gracie continues Folds love of names songs after females like Kate, Jane, and Julianne, Annie, along with Judy on this album. Gracie sounds like a lullaby to a young daughter that does better for the father-daughter relationship better than John Mayer could do and is not as sappy as Billy Joel's Lullaby.

Songs for Silverman gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.

I am the Champion, My Friends

A very funny site I like to visit is The George Comics Blog. Over at the site is a weekly "Caption This Picture" contest and this week's winner in none other than yours truly, Scooter McGavin. So to everyone who says I'm not funny, all I have in response is "Suck it Trebek." Feel free to drop by the site yourself and see if you can do any better. So without further ado, here is the award-winning caption:


I thought you said you were going to build me a maid that looked like Natalie Portman.

Like a Fat Kid Loves Cake

I’m sick of all these people taking pot shots at Sesame Street because they are making the Cookie Monster more health conscience. First, if you care that much about a kid’s show and you have already gone threw puberty, than you, my sir, are a loser. And that includes you too, Jerry Falwell.

Secondly, have these morons gone out to the supermarket, among other places, and seen all the morbidly obese people waddling along. Call me shallow, but I'd rather look at more attractive, skinny people and if having the Cookie Monster eat some lettuce every once in a while, I’m fine with it. They could start calling him the Lettuce Monster if they want. Maybe it’s time for a major switch in our society so that it is no longer socially acceptable to have a majority of out population overweight. It's OK if we rip smokers for making an unhealthy choice but not the obese? But seriously, it's not that hard to do the 15-30 minutes of exercise each day that is recommended. If it takes doing your sit-ups during Oprah, than do it. Find the time chief. And if you need some more suggestions, they was a good article in Newsweek’s April 25th edition. I'll stop my rant there because there is nothing more I can say that Denis Leary hasn't already said.

And just in case you were wondering what Sesame Street character I am, here you go:


The Count's Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder


It started with a simple affection for counting and
the terror it induced in others, didn't it?
But now it's turned into a full-blown
life-consuming chaotic nightmare of order,
repetition, zealousness, and perfectionism.
You used to be so grand, but now you find
yourself obsessively worrying over the littlest
things--like, maybe if you don't check the
light switch at least once every two minutes,
the electricity will go out (and darnit, you're
a vampire--that shouldn't be a problem!), or
maybe if you don't wash your hands until your
seams are coming out, you'll get some fatal
disease. Get yourself some treatment.

Which Sesame Street Muppet's Dark Secret Are You?
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2005 NFL Draft day 2

It's time for day 2 analysis of the Browns' part in the 2005 NFL draft. Scroll down a little for day 1 if you missed it. Before I get into the picks, let me handle some non-Browns issues. First, kudos to ESPN for playing the very appropriate The Choice is Yours by the Black Sheep to play going into the commercial breaks. This is a great song that always takes me back to Middle School. Secondly, more on taking a kicker with your first pick, I don't care how bad mine was last year, I never want see my team draft a kicker that early. If you are really that hard up for a kicker, go to Europe or South America and scout a minor league soccer player and offer him NFL money. That way you won't even need to waste a draft pick, and the soccer player will most likely better than anyone who will be in the draft. Hey, recruiting a soccer player worked in Necessary Roughness (granted you won't be able to find anyone as hot as Kathy Ireland). The Browns also picked up another draft pick (203) when they shipped Luke McCown to Tampa Bay. This is a good move for every one as I stated yesterday, cold weather teams need cold weather QB's. So with Frye, a warm weathered McCown was disposable. Plus I'm always a fan of stockpiling draft pick.

4th Round (103rd Overall) - Antonio Perkins (CB Oklahoma) - Yet another DB from OU. At least he and Pool will know each other’s tendencies so no honeymoon period need there. That is if either plays together as this makes 12 DB's on Cleveland's roster right now but Perkins should be a dime back option and help Northcutt out on returns.

5th Round (139th Overall) - David McMillan (DE Kansas) - Now we are getting to addressing the major problem with the Browns, the DL. McMillan seems a little small at weighing in at 262 pounds. Although he makes up for lack of size with his speed, but with Jamal Lewis in your division, what you need is some one to plug holes up from.

6th Round (176th Overall) - Nick Speegle (OLB New Mexico) - Joins an already crowded young LB crew. Granted most are poor Butch Davis draft picks that will be gone by the start of the season.

6th Round (203rd Overall) - Andrew Hoffman (DT Virginia) - This was from the McCown trade. Hoffman is a bit bigger, but a whole lot slower, than McMillan. So he will at least be a hole-plugger.

7th Round (217th Overall) - Jon Dunn (OT Virginia Tech) - First thing that jumps out at me about Dunn was he was suspended for a game for violating team rules. I couldn't find out exactly what the offence was but one game is virtually a slap on the rest so I'm not too worried about his character. Otherwise the guy seems like a horse, just what Cleveland needs up front.

Overall I give the Browns 2005 draft a B-. They touched on all their problem areas, but I feel that they should have gone for linemen on both sides of the ball on the first day. Hopefully they bring in more free agents to help in those positions. My early prediction is 6 wins for the Browns this year.

2005 NFL Draft day 1

Back during my Super Bowl review, I noted that one of the best commercials was the "Everyone is Undefeated Tomorrow" Ad the NFL puts together every year. It's something that gives every fan of every team hope. Then it all crashes down for some come draft day, for instance if you team has no first round pick and wastes the first second round pick on a punter (sorry Jet fan). With the second longest first round ever, I guess I was lucky that Cleveland drafted early so I didn't have to sit around waiting for their pick. I could watch the opening, and then come back around dinner time for the second round. He is my analysis of the Brown's draft picks today.

1st round (3rd overall) - Braylon Edwards (WR Michigan) - Hear is a wasted pick. Where the ESPN commentators kept on bringing up that no WR with more that 60 catches last season, I attribute that to a horrible Jeff Garcia. Plus the Browns could spread it around with Andre' Davis, Dennis Northcutt, and Quincy Morgan/Antonio Bryant. Then you also had quality receiving TE's. So WR should not been a priority for the Browns. With that said, if I were to draft a WR, I would have gone with Mike Williams.

2nd Round (34th overall) - Brodney Pool (S Oklahoma) - This was puzzling because as they took a 2nd round S last year as well as two other S that were taken on the first day in recent drafts. They miss a good opportunity to draft a DL with three quality ones were on the board. With most of the DL jumping ship to Denver in the off-season, that should have been a priority.

3rd Round (67th overall) - Charlie Frye (QB Akron) - A solid chose here. He will have to fight with Josh Harris (another MAC alum) and Luke McCown for who gets to hex Trent Dilfer with a Tommy Maddox type injury so he will be able to jump in like Ben Rothlifnufttnutfutwer. I always like taking cold weather QB as they tend to do better late in the season and with Akron being just down from Cleveland, Frye will be more prepared for the weather than McCown (Louisiana Tech).

I give day 1 for the Browns a C+. For day two, the Browns need to focus on both lines, on offence and defense. I would also like to see them pick up some more draft picks or a DL and ship William Green out of town, but that might be too much to ask for. On a side note, do the Lions think if they keep on stockpiling 1st round WR’s, then Harrington will finally live up to his potential?

Musings From the Back 9 vol. II

- My fantasy basketball team, Shawn Kemp's Revenge, came in second this season behind Boom Pow Surprise! Not bad for some one who just recently found out that they are now six divisions in the NBA.

- You know it's officially Spring when Ohio's state flower, the Orange Barrel, starts to sprout on highways.

- If a girl wears a "Kiss Me I'm Irish" shirt and refuses to make out with you, can you sue her for false advertising?

- Am I the only one who was disappointed when the Nationals unveiled their new mascot, Screech, and Dustin Diamond didn't come out of the egg?

- What I can't understand is how ABC let a cable channel that it owns outbid itself for the rights to Monday Night Football? You don't see Bravo outbidding NBC for the rights to The Tonight Show. What's next, is ABC going to lose Desperate Housewives to ABCFamily? And is there anyplace where I can put money on John Madden jumping to NBC's Sunday Night game instead of moving to ESPN?

- A couple weeks ago, I lusted over the token hot chick in the Pepsi/iTunes commercial and after an exhausting search it turns out she actually has a name: Mandy Amano.

- So Tom DeLay's excuse for taking improper donation is "everyone else does it." Is this guy in Middle School? It's time to get rid of him and I have no problem if he takes down "everyone else" with him.

- New Dave Matthews Band video, American Baby, premiered this week. Decent song with a cool cross-section of the real American population that goes beyond Red State/Blue State. Check back in early May for a special Dave Matthews Band week to commemorate the release of their new album, Stand Up, culminating in a review of the new album as DMB is a rare life time member of the First Day Club.



- It's not a new Star Wars movie time until Lucas finds a new way to pimp the franchise. Although the Cingular Ring Tone ads with Chewbacca are brilliant. Hopefully we get to see more recording sessions. A side note, check back May 12th for another special week, this time for Star Wars.

- A while back I reported on the NFL's list of names you cannot put on the back of jerseys. It seems that weeks after lifting the ban on "Gay" (which made sense considering they have a few player with that last name), they have finally found a name to fill "Gay's" spot, Ron Mexico. The ban was prompted after a slew of requests for "Mexico" on the back of Falcons' jersey #7. Some got a chuckle out of that they other might want to make a Google search (check the top left potion of the page).

- After constantly listening to the Ben Folds cover of Dr. Dre's (expletive deleted) Ain't (expletive deleted) I got to wondering, if I were a sensitive singer-songwriter, what gangsta rap song would I cover? After an extensive search through my massive gangsta rap library, I would have to go with The Ghetto Boys' Mind Playing Tricks On Me. Now that's some real conversation for your (expletive deleted).

These Words are My Diary Screaming Out Loud

A couple of months ago, iTunes offered up a Single of the Week by a new artist, Anna Nalick. The song, Breathe (2 AM), was mellow song that you want to blast while driving on a warm summer night and has been on heavy rotation in my life ever since. Unfortunately, the subsequence album took about four months to come out, which it finally did this week. Any wonder to why people try to download such albums before they are released. Luckily VH1 has been streaming the whole album for the last couple weeks, so I've had a chance to preview it just incase this was a one hit wonder situation. And after a few listens I can tell you Anna Nalick is far from Tubthumping territory.

Wreck of the Day starts out with Breathe and doesn't let down from there. Most of the songs conjure up images of some of the best female singer-songwriters of recent memory. With a piano driven album, Vanessa Carlton would be an easy comparison. Citadel sounds like something out of Jewel's Spirit era (still remains her best work), while In the Rough sounds more like and Americanized version of a Corrs song. Hints of the Cranberries, Sarah McLachlan and Michelle Branch can also be heard throughout her debut.

Other songs of note on the album include Catalyst a song where your heart will break when listening to especially during the line "God, don't know if I'm strong enough now." The song chronicles the self doubt of a woman who just got out of a relationship. Nalick also goes where some of my favorite songs have gone before, space, with Satellite joining Dave Matthews Band (Satellite) and Counting Crows (Recovering the Satellites). And like the other songs, Anna's Satellite is a song about looking to sky for some help. The highlight for me was the closer, Consider This, a bouncy song that sounds like it should be perform at a Cabaret (could be a good video idea). It even contains lines like, "So lay your hands over me, and feel what you only see, but don't bother wasting your time if you're trying to change me."

The one song that slips up a little is Forever Love which might sound more a home on a Mandy Moore album, not that there is anything wrong with that. Overall, it is hard to find any major flaws in the album.

Wreck of the Day gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.