If You Want to Impress a Hick Then Make it Go Tick

Among the reality shows, movies, variety shows, and gossip columns, it is sometimes easy to forget Jessica Simpson is first and foremost a singer. Granted when she started back in the late nineties she was a third string blond pop princess (maybe fourth depending on where you rank Mandy Moore). Now just a couple months after her ex-husband released his first post-break up album, Jessica has released her own, the appropriately titled A Public Affair. But unlike Nick Lachey, isn’t solely about dealing with the break-up, this is most likely because Jessica can’t formulate two remotely intelligent sentences in a row let along write a whole song.

The album starts off with the title track, a disco send up the catchy in a “it will get old by the time Jessica is linked to her latest beau.” (Oh, she’s been linked to John Mayer? Yeah this song has started to get stale already now that I think about it.) From there the album sinks into the absurd with the next song You Spin Me Round (Like a Record). “Oh is that a Dead or Alive cover” you may ask. Well yes and no. It’s very similar to last year’s These Boots Were Made for Walking where the chorus is the same, the music is similar, but for some inexplicable reason they changed the chorus. And lets face it, the endearing quality of the song is how every line starts “I, I, I” and at the end “I want your loooooove” which are both missing from the Simpson version

Next on the absurd train is B.O.Y. which features a misplaced sample of The Cars Just What I Needed. Granted Simpson’s fan base will probably wonder what she stole the riff from the Circuit City commercials. But anyways. While If You Were Mine isn’t a cover, it sounds like a bunch of Janet Jackson songs mixed into one. Also a complete rip-off is Between You & I which is basically Unchained Melody with different lyrics and worse singing. The Lover in Me also has the “I’ve heard it before” vibe to it. Possible trying to keep pace with Christina Aguilera’s new retro approach, Jessica has Swing with Me, but the song just comes off as cheesy while Christina did a much better job at the era. Then for some incomprehensible she tries her hand at being a rap hype-man in Fired Up, and Flavor Flav she is not. But easily the worst song on the disk is Push Your Tush. Very much in the mold of Boots but somehow worse, the song is too pop for country fans yet too country for pop fans (for a sample lyric, check the title of this post, yeah, it’s that lame).

But unlike her ex, there are some actual good songs on the album. Walkin’ Round in a Circle is a soothing romp and shows she shouldn’t try to out Christina Aguilera the dirrty girl herself because she just doesn’t have the vocal range because this laid back song is possible her best song to date. Along that same approach, Back to You (not to be confused with the John Mayer song) is equally relaxing. The album closes with an actual faithful cover of the Dixie Chicks Let Him Fly, a novel attempt, but lacks the harmonies of the original. Maybe if she would have stuck to the structure of these songs and not have been all over the place like the rest of the album, the album would be much more listenable.

Song to Download - Walkin’ Round in a Circle

A Public Affair gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.