Tonight We Dine in Hell

There are two things that really bother me in modern movies. The first is CGI; it stifles creativity and gives filmmakers an easy way out of filming certain scenes. The other is when filmmakers take liberties with historic event which has led to my ban of bio-flicks. Yet even though it breaks two of my cardinal rule, 300 is still a sight to behold.

My dislike for CGI typically comes from making computer generated images try to look like real things, but usually failing, taking viewers out of the movie. But this doesn’t apply to 300 which doesn’t try at all for realism, instead goes for the stylized version that Frank Miller used for his graphic novel the movie is based on. And that is also why I give the movie a pass on historical accuracy because the movie is much more about the look than the story (although director Zach Snyder claims the events are ninety percent accurate).

It take a while for the story to get moving as the first half of the movie spends more time setting up the political aspects of the film. Oh, and ignore all the pro-Bush stuff that surrounded the film, the script is taken word for word from the graphic novel written back in 1998, long before he launched his War on Terror. But despite the lull at the beginning, they only kill three Persians in the first forty minutes; you are too distracted by the surrounding to even care.

And when the action starts, the film never wanes as the Spartans defend the land from literally millions of Persians, and other Asians they have conquered and enslaved. And with all the killing, the Spartans literally build a wall of dead Persians; it is hard to recommend the movie to anyone but your token straight dude who likes football, books about war, and all that stuff. Well certainly gay dudes could thoroughly enjoy the movie too, but for entirely different reasons. The Persian God-king Xerxes, played by that random dude who was killed off Lost last season, is gayer than anything you would find in I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry. Not too surprisingly Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad denounced the film (which should be reason enough to see it). No word on what film enthusiast and crazed dictator in his own right, Kim-Jong Il, thought of the movie.

300 gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.

Feed Your iPod vol. IV: School Spirit

In a story I broke here last week, people across the country are gearing to go back to school if they haven’t started back already. And here is a song I debated in including the most recent Lyrics Quiz but decided going with a better known Kanye West song (which surprising went unguessed) School Spirit. The song is my favorite of his debut album, which says a lot considering it ranks at the top of my list of best hip-hop albums this decade. It also holds the distinction of playing over the opening credits of the proposed movie to my unfinished memoirs (note to aspiring screenwriters: it is not the best idea to create the soundtrack before writing the script).

The song is classis Kanye, managing to namedrop Norah Jones and Pootie Tang, which features Kristen Bell in her first film role, in the same song. Hopefully Graduation, out September 11th (see the side bar to pre-order on iTunes), lives up to his previous two, and for the love of hip-hop let it out sell 50 Cent’s album that drops the same day. 50 said he would retire if Kanye out sells him. That’s enough reason to pick up Graduation even if it doesn’t live up to the previous album. The video below is a fan made video from the song. Oddly enough, even though the album I bought had the parental advisory sticker, much like the version below, my album version was censored. Oh well.

School Spirit - Kanye West

Going Back in the Closet

It is hard pressed to think of a bigger letdown than the latest installments in R. Kelly’s master opus that is Trapped in the Closet: maybe Lost season 2, U2’s Pop, Austin Powers in Goldmember, learning there is no Santa Clause. How possibly could something so great go so wrong. The first five chapters were soap operas for the hip-hop crowd following a man caught by his one night stand’s husband who in turn was creeping around with, wait for it, wait for it: a dude! And when Sylvester finally got out of the quagmire, he arrives home only to realize that his own wife was having a bout of infidelity.

After the instant phenomenons that were the first five chapters, Kells quickly churned out seven more chapters in no time that were arguably better than before thanks to a midget named big man. My favorite part of the whole epic has to be in chapter 9 when the policeman was about to open the cabinet, the narrator busted out of the closet to say, “Now pause the movie ‘cos what I’m about to say to ya’ll is so damn twisted. Not only is there a man in his cabinet, but the man... is a midget, midget, midget!” Really, the only thing that could top the first twelve chapters of Trapped in the Closet in terms of entertainment value was watching Trapped in the Closet with the R. Kelly commentary on.

Then almost two years go by and all we get from the Pied Piper of R&B is another boring, and Closet-less album, Double Up. But in the liner notes, we did get a promise of more chapters by summer, which did arrive. The hype started well enough with the great recap of the previous channels (as if anyone needed to be reminded of what has gone down so far) and as Monique correctly pointed out, had the “best chorus of ‘Oh (expletive deleted)’ evah.”

Then finally the latest chapter hit the internet last Monday like Christmas, Easter and my birthday all rolled into one. Well that is how it felt until I watched chapter 13. All we get is Sylvester and Twan riding in a car, albeit with a couple good lines, and an inexplicable cameo from Rosie the Nosie Neighbor and her limp husband. Nothing big happened, no midget, nothing but me sitting at my computer screen wondering, “This is what I waited two years for?” And things didn’t get much better from there including a blink and you miss it chapter that was barely a minute long.

I brought up Lost in the intro for a reason because the missteps Trapped in the Closet took eerily parallel the television show. They spent too much time on character that are no longer that interesting (Sylvester/Jack), introduced characters we didn’t care about (lesbian chicks/the tailie), while ignoring characters we came to love (the midget/Hurley), didn’t answer long standing questions (how did Locke get in the wheelchair, who is the midget working for), and there was a frustrating dream sequence, while the viewers were left wonder if the writers knew what they were doing. But at least in Trapped in the Closet didn’t kill off the token hot chick (granted mostly because there never was one).

But unlike Lost, which ended season two with a What the Frac moment as we got our first glimpse of someplace off the island, Kells leaves us with a cliffhanger which doubtfully has anyone actually hanging. Sure, there are some people out there wondering what this package everyone is talking about in the last chapter. But those people are morons. The package that Chuck has is obviously some sort of VD, most likely AIDS, which was passed around to all the characters because they were all sleeping together (although we do know that Gwendolyn and the policeman at the very least had a condom present). But after all of this, color me less excited for chapter 23.

You can watch the entire Trapped in the Closet over at ifc.com/trapped.

Trapped in the Closet chapters 13-22 gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.

I Want My Music Television vol. II

There have been a couple of videos that have caught my eye lately so I though I’d give them some love since the death of Musical Television left a void for a forum on the art form.. I advise you to watch them before you read my reviews if you don’t want me to spoil things. If you are interested in buying the video through iTunes, click the title link (where available, if not the link goes to YouTube where you can watch the video in full screen). If you are interested in buying the song, look for a link in the analysis.


Bleed it Out - Linkin Park



Here is a song to get your blood pumping. The latest single from Linkin Park certainly made a B-line to my workout playlist on my iPod. The video is memorizing in how simple it looks but for the life of me, no matter how many times I watch it, can I tell how they made it work and did what they did with the cameras. Plus what’s up with Chester’s plunging neckline? Did he raid Freddie Mercury’s closet?


Nolita Fairytale - Vanessa Carlton



I had to do a double take at the beginning of the video as the recreate the start of the most memorable video from Vanessa Carlton, A Thousand Miles. The destruction of the piano isn’t as iconic as when George Michaels blew up the Faith jukebox in Freedom! ’90, mostly because George was doing it to destroy the image he built up with Carlton seems to be doing so out of spite of her old record label that dropped her. And with the new label, The Ink, that may be thee switch in sounds as gone are the orchestration of her first album, replaced with a more percussion driven backing and the more come hither looks in the video. I wonder if she has been hanging out with Ashanti. It should be interesting to hear how the whole album turns out.


Hot Thing/In the Mood - Talib Kweli



Yeah Talib Kweli completely ripped of those HP commercials for the first half of the video, but all of those are visually stunning and are an idea worth stealing. Granted the song wasn’t really the best choose for the next single off the album. And it is off that they would edit out Kanye’s verse for In the Mood.


Do It - Nelly Furtado



If my calculations are correct, every song from Loose has been officially released as a single. Yet for the life of me I don’t remember this song being on the album at all. And the song is infectious in an if Madonna made listenable music back in the nineties kind of way.

It Ain’t Old School, New School, it’s True School Rap

It was about this time last year when Talib Kweli dropped the first single from Ear Drum. Of course back when Listen!!! was making the rounds the album was supposed to come out in early November 2006 but alas got delayed. Then the second single dropped in February of this year. And still no album on the shelves. Yeah you finally find the album wondering around the internet as early as June, but you can finally get your hands on the legal version today.

Was Ear Drum worth the wait? Um, yes and no. When Talib is on he comes up with some near classic tracks, but nothing on the album tops what we first heard of the disk, Listen!!! But the album, which goes twenty tracks deep, has plenty of filler. Some of this is thanks to the company the rapper keeps. Starting at the back with the album closer The Nature which was co-produced by and features Justin Timberlake whom obviously didn’t pick up anything when working with the likes of Timbaland or The Neptunes.

Also playing the duel role of producer and featured artist is Will.i.am on Hot Thing that just sounds like every other bland bootie song on the last two Black Eyed Peas album. And it is not that Kweli can’t pull of the bootie song as heard on Kanye West’s Get ‘em High (Kanye of which shows up on the decent In the Mood). More useless cameos come from Houston natives UGK on Country Cousins where the group and Talib trade verses on what they like about rappers from different areas. Norah Jones gets herself on another rap album but unfortunately instead of converting her to his genre Talib on Soon the New Day, but instead the song sound like Kweli rapping over one of Norah’s but with the snare beats turned up.

With that said, there is plenty of stuff that will take you back to ’88. Listen!!! is a classic head nodder that should be welcome at any block party for years. The son of two professors shows us his knowledge on NY Weather Report and More or Less where he tells us what we need, well, more and less of. And there are a couple guest and actually add to the song, not take away including Old School hero KRS-One on The Perfect Beat as well as a well placed choir on Hostile Gospel pt. 1 (Deliver Us). Hopefully his next album, which Kweli has already titled Prisoner of Conscience, isn’t delayed for almost a year, as well as having trimmed some of the fat before released.

Song to Download - Listen!!!

Ear Drum gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.

Yeah Boy

Sorry I don’t have anything proper written for today because I have spent the last coupe days in the greatest thing ever in the history of the internet: flavoroflovecasting.com. Seriously, who needs the let down that has been Trapped in the Closet when you can watch videos of morbidly obese hood rats, as they attempt to get on a show where they will have to make out with a dude pushing fifty. There was even someone who created a profile for the loser everyone loves voting for Sanjia (much apolagies if it was actually him who created it). Of course be sure to look out for the casting special that will undoubtedly be repeated constantly for the next couple week.

What is great about the competition is, for as clinically insane some of the past contestants have been, here we get to see some of the girls that are so out there, even the producers wouldn’t cast them for the fear of what they would do to Flav, other contestant, or themselves. And another thing that is great is that we can vote for our favorite and the top five vote getters will automatically make the show. Currently former Flav castoff Buckwild (apparently Mo’nique’s ceremonial burning of her name didn’t take) has a commanding lead at number one. Although she did state in the casting special that former Flavettes were not eligible, so she may not be welcome back in the house. Here are some of my favorites:


Sergeant Beverly: Currently number two on the vote list, and despite parading around in a wedding dress I am going to go out on a limb and say that is a dude.




CrzyWhiteBootie: Who knew Courtney Love would audition for the show.




Dance: The biggest surprise is between the enclaves of the big booty submissions; there are actually a few serviceable applicants.




For all of you chicks with daddy issues out there, you still have time to upload you own video in hopes to get fondled by Flavor Flav on basic cable as voting closes on September 4th. Or if you live near one of the cities listed (yes Cunucks, even you have a chance to make it on the show) you can go to one of the open casting calls.

57 Channels and Only This Is On vol. XXXII

Big News of the Week: ABC Is Starting to Get on My Bad Side: So last week I was overjoyed to finally see the final four episodes of the funniest new show of last year, Knights of Prosperity, only for the channel to squeeze an episode of According to Jim in-between two installments. Then ABC quietly pulled the show (for those keeping track for the third time as well as an unannounced time change) due to ratings along with The Nine. Seriously ABC, did you think that putting these two shows back on the air with no announcement after they were both already canceled in the dead of summer and they would all the sudden start pulling in ten million viewers?

ABC is starting to get down to the last straw and really only have one chance left (i.e. not yanking Pushing Daisies before Thanksgiving) before it goes on the list next to Fox as channels that are blocked on my television. Just to show you how long I hold a grudge, the Fox channel has not graced my television since the series finale of Arrested Development. But luckily ABC didn’t pull a Fox and make you get the DVD set to watch the unaired episodes because the final two episodes, one where the gang tries to recruit an actual criminal and the other with a cameo from Ed Burns over at ABC.com. In fact you can watch all thirteen episodes there. So if you have four to five hours of free time, it will make for a good marathon session.


Jim Rome Is Burning: When all the late night host were on vacation this week with repeats, Jim Rome instead pulled a Carson and had guest host fill in for him all week. After seeing Adam Carolla fill in for him he may rethink the guest host thing in the future. The guy may Dan LeBatard seem competent. But luckily for us viewers Carolla was so bad it became entertaining. You’d think a guy who hosted the Man Show would be more comfortable talking sports. Below are two segments from the show although no one uploaded the best segment where he interviewed a baseball player where Carolla obviously ran out of questions out half way threw and just starting the most inane questions:





While I am on the subject of sport, if there is anyone interested in getting beaten like a red-headed step-child participating in my fantasy football league shoot me an e-mail (see sidebar). Anyone is welcome from fanatics to those that just started watching football because of Friday Night Lights.

Also another off note topic for those with blogs of your own, there is a new start up feed reader fav.or.it that sounds promising as it says it will fix one of the big problems with current feed readers in that you will able to comment from the reader. It will be interesting to see if they can actually deliver, but currently they are blog submissions for when they launch, so if you have a blog of your own, you may want to head over there and submit yours to fav.or.it. If your are looking for a feed reader to use until then, I highly recommend Bloglines.

Greek: That was just like three sitcom episodes wrapped into one hour long show. The slumber party was easiest the best of them but I was surprised to learn that it was Lonelygirl15 that sent the sex tape to Casey. Didn’t see that coming. The other two segments were pretty cheesy, Rusty’s thanks to some bad casting of the crazy hot chick. She certainly was able to pull off the hot part but went way overboard on the crazy. Download the current season of Greek on iTunes.

Slacker Cats: I got a sense half way threw the episode that you pretty much have be a cat lover, or at the very least know a cat to enjoy this show, neither of which apply to me. There were a couple good laughs though. Download the current season of Slacker Cats on iTunes.

Rescue Me: Just when I started to wonder if I forgot if Tommy’s dad died, he finally made his first appearance of the year. I get a sense that the actor may be having some heath problems as he never appeared with the other actors and was absent from wide shots. Hopefully everything is all well. And hopefully we get more intervention scenes because that ranked pretty high on the best scenes of this season. Then we end with yet another surreal scene with Tommy and Mike on his roof and Tommy jumping over the edge to make a point.



Trapped in the Closet: Wow was that disappointing. The first couple chapters spent too long with Sylvester and Twan, one chapter was barely a minute long, some of the twists were just not interesting or rehashes of past reveals, and seven chapters in and still no midget sighting. There were some glimmers of hope so far with some classic lines and Chuck being in the hospital was an actual shocker so hopefully Kells can turn it around in the last three. And I am going to go out on a limb and say that the pimp in the church is who the midget was scared of ealier. Check out all the aired chapters of Trapped in the Closet at ifc.com.

Pick of the Week: Umm, any suggestions?


And since there really anything to talk about coming up next week, I received some information about the new CW show Reaper, you know, the one show that is taking over the Veronica Mars time slot (strike one). It is also the show that repeatedly hypes being directed by Kevin Smith as if he actually has any involvement past the first episode and some dude behind Grey's Anatomy (strike two). And it seems like I hear or see something new about the show it makes me less interested like when they swapped out the token hot chick for the chick from Heroes which was a total downgrade (and strike three). And from the five minute promo they sent along I am less intrigued as the show looks like it has not decided if it wants to rip off Ghostbusters or Army of Darkness more (but fails to do either very well). But I guess I should hold off final judgement until I see the whole thing in its entirety (that is not to assume I will even bother watching it though).


REAPER

Day and time: Tuesdays, 9:00-10:00 p.m. ET

Network debut: September 25, 2007

Format: Blending suspense and humor, “Reaper” follows Sam, a slacker whose world turns upside down on his 21st birthday when he learns that his parents sold his soul to the devil before he was born. Now, charged by the devil himself to be Hell’s bounty hunter, Sam, with the aid of his goofball friends, must track down evil-doers and send them back where they belong.

Cast:
Bret Harrison as Sam Oliver
Tyler Labine as Bert “Sock” Wysocki
Ray Wise as the Devil
Missy Peregrym as Andi
Rick Gonzalez as Ben
Valarie Rae Miller as Josie
Donavon Stinson as Ted
Andrew Airlie as Mr. Oliver
Executive Producers: Michelle Fazekas, Tara Butters, Mark Gordon, Deb Spera and Tom Spezialy

Official Site: http://www.cwtv.com/shows/reaper

I Just Wanna Ride, Just Ride, Sally, Ride

When an actor hits the wrong side of fifty, there are very few choices for him; he could continue trying to be an action hero while trying to hid his wrinkles (see Sylvester Stallone), move behind the camera (see Clint Eastwood) or out of the business all together (see The Governator). But the most popular option is for an actor to make light of his oldness in some sort of mid-life crisis flick. Sometimes it is executed successfully (see city slickers) and then there is Wild Hogs.

The premise is paint by numbers; four buddies are hitting middle age and things are not working out the way they thought it would. John Travolta (Welcome Back Kotter) is in the middle of a divorce from his sugar momma. Tim Allen (Home Improvement) is too obsessed with his job. Martin Lawrence (Martin), is married to his former arch nemesis from his sitcom who want him to give up his dream of making a How To book to get back to work. And then there is William H. Macy (Pleasantville) the token klutz of the group.

Once they all decide they need more adventure in their lives, they all decide to take their motorcycles all the way to the Pacific with no maps, GPS, or cell phones. But it is when the group ends up in a New Mexico biker bar does the movie goes into movie cliché overload. If you cannot write the ending of the movie when the antagonists show up, led by Ray Liotta (Field of Dreams) and Zeke from Lost, you must not have seen too many movies.

The film does manage a few laughs throughout, none of which include the numerous naked dudes (seriously how is this PG-13), but it is never a good sign when the best ones are reserved for the afterthought that runs during the credits. And don’t expect to care about the big surprise guest appearance at the end of the movie unless you yourself are over fifty. In fact if you are under fifty, just stay away from the movie and its inevitable sequels.

Wild Hogs gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.

Feed Your iPod vol. 3: Passin' Me By

Whenever creating a list of songs to include in a Lyrics Quiz I try to run a fine line of songs or lyrics that aren’t so easy that the first person can answer all of them and song or lyrics that are so obscure no one would get them. Every once and a while I’ll throw in one of my eclectic favorites to see if anyone will get it. So I was happy to see that Doug was able to pick out Passin' Me By from the Pharcyde during the latest Lyrics Quiz (which still has a couple left, plus some hints I added). I was so happy to see he get it that I was willing to overlook he somehow was also able to get Iesha and Live and Learn, two songs that probably should be forgotten by history.

In a time when gansta rap ruled, the Pharcyde were the rare old school cats that came out of South Central. And among all the braggadocios, they managed a minor hit about not getting the girl, something I was familiar with at the time. I even pulled out the line, “the only lying I would do is in the bed with you” to no avail. I even got to see the troop live when they came to my campus (and really, you have never lived until you heard the like version of Gangsta’s Paradise) where I picked up one of my favorite tour shirts with a dog having its way with a fire hydrant.

Passing Me By is easily in my top five rap songs of all time with its love lorn lyrics over a mix of Quincy Jones and Jimi Hendrix tracks. Take a listen for yourself below (sorry for the poor quality of the song, you’d think the record company would put up a much higher quality version):

Passin' Me By - The Pharcyde




Got a song you think everyone should feed their iPods? Send me an e-mail (see sidebar) along with a short paragraph why people should download it and/or what it means to you and maybe I will feature it in a future post. This segment is meant to highlight songs that may have slipped thought the cracks when released or maybe album tracks that you think should have been released as a single. So no Born in the U.S.A., Big Pimpin', or Your Body Is a Wonderland needed.

You’re Part of My Entity

For most of the summer I have decried Umbrella by Rihanna as one of the worst songs ever in the history of recorded music. Back in May I said “Rihanna is good for at least one good song per album. But Umbrella definitely isn’t going to be that one for her upcoming release.” (see Don't Download These Videos vol. XVI) Then in June after calling the chorus annoying I added, “Seriously, how could no one, from the writer, producer, anyone at the label or Rihanna herself not hear that chorus and think, ‘yeah, that doesn’t work.’” (see Now That it's Raining More than Ever) But my hated for the song started to loosen up as I mentioned last week about the absurd rumor that the song is a euphemism for a lady’s kootchiepop.

Well it may be time to break out some crow because I am beginning to straight out like this song. Well not Rihanna’s overproduced version with her grating vocals, over exaggerated hip-hop beat and an unnecessary cameo from Jay-Z, but instead two cover versions that are currently floating around cyber space.

Yesterday I received a message from my good friend Mandy Moore suggesting I check out her version of the song that she did for Yahoo’s Cover Art. And since I’d certainly like to stand underneath her Umbrella (ella-ella-eh-eh-eh) I went to check it out. Ms. Moore takes everything wrong with the original and fixes them, so gone is Jay-Z, the hip-hop beat is replaced with a soothing acoustic sound that brings out the romantic lyrics to forefront (well assuming that the songs isn’t actually about, um, you know what), and softens the annoying ella-ella-eh-eh-eh part. Oh, and Mandy has a much better voice. Check it out for yourself below:





And Mandy isn’t the only one reworking Umbrella. Earlier this week in my normal Tuesday routine of checking out what’s new in the iTunes store I came across some chick named Marié Digby who has a new song that happened to be called Umbrella. I had to check out the 30 preview to see if it was in fact the same song, which it was. And after some research it turns out she is one of those annoying YouTubers who upload them singing other people song which I avoid because, much like I avoid American Karaoke, if these people were any good they wouldn’t need the internet, or reality show, to get a record deal. But even though Digby certainly won’t be winning any singing competitions anytime soon, her version, slightly faster than Mandy’s, is much better than the original. Check out her performance on Carson Daily (sorry you have to sit threw some Carson taking first) and you can download Marié Digby’s version of Umbrella here:




And in a completely unrelated note last week I got an e-mail about a new documentary by Leonardo DiCaprio called the 11th Hour about the impending climate crisis. So if you wanted to see An Inconvenient Truth but were like me and had absolutely no desire to see Al Gore talk about a bunch of slide for ninety minutes, this may be the film for you. The movie opens tomorrow in New York and Los Angeles, next week in selected cities and August 31 nationwide. Below is the trailer and you can check out the website at 11thhouraction.com:

Lyrics Quiz: Back to School

Over the next couple weeks some of you will be heading back to school, sending your kids off to school, or laughing at those that will ushered onto a school bus (all the while secretly wishing you were back in college where you actually had the time for eight hour Madden sessions all the while drunk on the cheapest beer you could find). So here are some lyrics that should get you back into the learning. And for those going off to school or sending the little ones, you will need to something to carry them in and Jansport, in conjunction with Facebook are giving away a backpack every day through September 19 with a grand prize of a trip for four to the Grande Canyon (see below for a press release).






As for the Lyrics Quiz, please post your guesses, title and artist, in the comment section (or e-mail me) and if you are correct I will unbold the lyric and give you credit. The Lyrics Quiz is for entertainment purposes only so please do not use anything besides your own meandering mind to help you up with the answers. Now onto the Lyrics Quiz:

Hints:
15. There is a good chance that the members of this band got sand on their letterman jackets.
16. This person has made two albums, with a third on the way, with themes on higher learning.


1. Hook me up with new evolution because this one is a lie. (Learn to Fly - Foo Fighters; guessed by Dara)
2. Well I never lived the dream of the prom kings and the drama queens. I’d like to think the best of me is still hiding up my sleeve. (No Such Thing - John Mayer; guessed by Dara)
3. Fall is here, hear the yell, back to school, ring the bell.  (We're Going to Be Friends - The White Stripes;  guessed by Chris Fields)
4. Mama looked down and spit on the ground ever time her name gets mentioned. The cop said, “Oy, if I get that boy I’m gonna stick him in the house of detention. (Me and Julio Down by the Schoolyard - Paul Simon; guessed by KK)
5. B boys and girls listen up: you can be anything in the world, in God we trust. An architect, doctor maybe an actress. But nothing comes easy, it takes much practice. (I Can - Nas; guessed by Doug)
6. No dark sarcasm in the classroom. (Another Brick in the Wall part 2 - Pink Floyd; guessed by Dara)
7. I was just guessing at numbers and figures, pulling your puzzles apart. (The Scientist - Coldplay; guessed by Dara)
8. Brenda and Eddie were the popular steadies and the kind and queen of the prom. (Scenes From an Italian Restaurant - Billy Joel; guessed by Dara)
9. At the playground, ya know, that’s where I saw this cutie. This girl was swingin’ and she looked so fly. On the monkey bars, we climbed up to the top and she touched my hand that's when I fell in love. (Iesha - Another Bad Creation; guessed by Doug)
10. Young teacher the subject of schoolgirl fantasy. (Don't Stand So Close to Me - The Police; guessed by Dara)
11. Some drop science well I’m dropping English. (Express Yourself - N.W.A.; guessed by Doug)
12. My Best friend took a weeks vacation to forget her. This girl took a week’s worth a Valium and slept. (The Freshmen - The Verve Pipe; guessed by Dara)
13. Egypt was troubled by the horrible asp. Mr. Charles Darwin had the gull to ask. (Man on the Moon - R.E.M.; guessed by R.E.M.)
14. When I went to school I carried lunch in a bag with an apple for my teacher ‘cause I knew I’d get a kiss. Always got mad when the class was dismissed. (Passing Me By - The Pharcyde; guessed by Doug)
15. I got a letterman’s sweater with a letter in front I got for football and track. I’m proud to wear it now. When I cruise around the other parts of the town I got my decal in back.16. The concept of school seems so secure. Sophomore three years ain’t picked a career.  (All Falls Down - Kanye West;  guessed by Chris Fields)
17. Reading, writing, and arithmetic are the branches of the learning tree. (ABC - The Jackson; guessed by KK)
18. I think of all the education that I missed but then again my homework was never quite like this. (Hot for Teacher - Van Halen; guessed by Dara)
19. Next day’s function, high class lunch-in. Food is served and you’re stone cold munchin’. (Bust a Move - Young MC; guessed by Dara)
20. The ends justify the means, that’s the system. I learned that in school then I dropped out. (New Jack Hustler - Ice-T; guessed by Doug)
21. It’s late September and I really should be back to school. (Maggie May - Rod Stewart; guessed by Dara)
22. You raise a little kid, he turns out bold. It may be from the way you treat him cold. I guess that's how the story’s told. (Live and Learn - Joe Public; guessed by Doug)
23. You didn’t know what rock ‘n’ roll was until you met my drummer on a grade school bus. (Once Bitten, Twice Shy - Great White; guessed by Dara)
24. Inevitably the first day of school came. I thought I could get over, I tried to play sick. But my mom said, “No, no way, uh-uh forget it.” (Parents Just Don't Understand - D.J. Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince; guessed by Dara)
25. I had a friend who was a big baseball player back in high school. He could throw that speed ball by ya, may you look like a fool boy. (Glory Days - Bruce Springsteen; guessed by Dara)






Enter to Win The Big Student Fall Break Sweepstakes
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Listen to Me, You Pull Me Apart

When reviewing the full length debut Room Noises from the family band, four siblings and one neighbor on bass, Eisley, I closed out my review, “I expect big things from Eisley in the future.” (see You Humor Me Today) The album then went on to land at number four of the Best Albums of 2005. Since the release of the album, the band has been touring, getting married and completed the DuPree only lineup by replacing the neighbor with a cousin to play bass.

But those expectations of big this is what makes the follow up, Combinations a let down. Where Room Noises was a breath a fresh air with melodic songs as a backdrop of plush melodies of the two lead singers, Combinations is just a rehash of the first album with songs only as good as the middle of the road ones on the debut. Not one song here comes close to the emotional punch of Marvelous Things or Telescope Eyes. Not to mention it is hard to ask put down over ten dollars for an album that barely breaks the half an hour mark.

With that said, Combinations isn’t a bad album. It starts off with Many Funerals, a driving song where the all dudes rhythm section on drums and bass add to the darker theme that the band didn’t explore on previous albums. Taking Control is a bouncing ditty which could be an instant sing-a-long at concerts. While Come Clean concludes with a family chorus.

The group did look like they took a different approach to writing this time around. Where the first album was littered with mythical themes about Sea Kings and bats with butterfly wings, it looks like all the marriages and engagements in the band has taken them in a more personal subject matter this time around touching on death (More Funerals) and a lot about love (I Could Be There for You, the title track). For those that prefer the more out there lyrics, there is Invasion that has a very celestial feel to it.

Even though the band didn’t seem to live up to the potential of the first album, hopefully Combinations is just your patented sophomore slum and the big break out album will be coming shortly.

Song to Download - Taking Control

Combinations gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.

You Know What Time it Is

From the first inception of the Roast, there hasn’t been an easier target than Flavor Flav. If fact the only easier targets out there would be Paris Hilton and George Bush (who was mentioned three times last night, my favorite: “You treat birth control like George Bush treats the constitution - you pretend it doesn't exist”). So naturally the Comedy Central Roast of Flavor Flav was the funniest in recent year, not that it had much competition after the Pamela Anderson and William Shatner failed to deliver any laughs. I guess some of the credit goes to Flav himself who laughed at ever single joke like he was sitting through a Richard Prior concert film. He was even the only one laughing when Jimmy Kimmel made his Chris Benoit comment. Hopefully ABC took note of this and yanks his show, seriously, is this any worse than Bill Maher comments that got him canceled?

And really you know a Roast is going to be good when even Greg Gerardo can get a laugh. Um except for went he went after Ice-T. I don’t care if it is a Roast, you don’t make fun of Ice-T. If Greg is conspicuously absent from next year’s Roast, I think we all know what happened. Well not that anyone would notice he was missing. But even though everyone else killed, well except for Brigitte Neilson, Lisa Lampanelli who once again remained unfunny even with the easiest target. And seriously, someone needs to teach that girl how to cross her leg. And whenever someone made fun of her, she actually laughed harder than Flav.

Even though this was one of the better Roasts that most lately it was still bogged down a little by things that brought down previous Roasts. First and foremost is that each Roaster tries to out ranch the previous one. You really don’t need every other word bleeped to be considered funny. Also the Roasters again spend way too much time on each other than the actual Roastee. There may have been more jokes about Neilson than Flav this year just like in past years when Sulu, Bea Arthur and Andy Dick took more abuse than the person they were supposed to be Roasting.

If you missed the Roast or would just like to see it again, head over to ComedyCentral.com to see uncensored clips included the unaired Lil’ Bush segment which was actually funnier than anything that was on his show. You can also download The Uncensored Roast of Flavor Flav in its entirety from iTunes.


And I would be remised if I didn’t bring up Chapter 13 of Trapped in the Closet. I have to admit after waiting a year and a half it was a bit of a letdown. Maybe it is just because it is a transition chapter before Sylvester and Twan get to wherever they are going, but I think we may have to brace ourselves just in case Trapped in the Closet takes a Lost season two type nosedive in terms a quality. But at least Kells did have one great line which my censors won’t allow me to repeat here but I will say it was the one when he brought up a fish.

Slacker Cats: Press Release

If you are like me, tomorrow you will be glued to the computer screen watching the latest installment of Trapped in the Closet on a loop all day. But for those that can pull themselves away from the Balled of Rufus and Chuck (or Bridget and the Midget, couldn’t R. Kelly at least give a hint of who the next chapter will focus on) Monday also sees the debut of the latest show from ABC Family, Slacker Cats which debuts at 10:00. But don’t expect to watch this show during breakfast as the show looks to be more Adult Swim than the Saturday morning one we remember from our youth. And really, I can’t imagine how elated Pat Robertson will be to finally have a original series lead into his 700 Club instead of the usual Mary-Kate and Ashley movie of the week.

As for the show itself, I’m not sure if I can get into a show that features cats with belly button rings. Now I try to stay as far away from cats as much as possible, but I am pretty sure cats do not have belly buttons. Plus the cast is pretty hit or miss, on one hand you have Emo Phillips (UHF) and on the other is Sinbad (A Different World) And adult cartoons are pretty hit (South Park) or miss (Lil' Bush) in general. I guess I’ll give it a try because I will be tearing myself away from Kells (hopefully) newest masterpiece to watch out the latest episode of Greek and I’ll give Slacker Cats a chance afterwards. You can check out the official Slacker Cats website here, download Slacker Cats on iTunes, and below is the press release for the show and a promo:

ABC Family makes its first foray into animation with “Slacker Cats,” an outrageous and decidedly grown up series about a group of cats and the humans from whom they free-load. Buckley and Eddie are two buddy felines who hilariously slack their way through various unimpressive adventures in the town of Wendell. All the cats can talk to the humans and vice versa, and no-one in this universe thinks that at all strange.

The half-hour primetime animated comedy series “Slacker Cats,” features the voices of stand-up comic Harland Williams, actress Kiersten Warren (“Desperate Housewives”), legendary cult stand-up comic Emo Philips, actress/comedian Nicole Sullivan (“MADtv”), actress/comedian Niecy Nash (“Reno 911!”), actress/comedian Alex Borstein (“MADtv,” “Family Guy”), actor/comedian Greg Pitts and renowned actor/comedian Sinbad.

57 Channels and Only This Is On vol. XXXI

Big News of the Week: More Rumors: If there is one think I hate about the internet it is how rumor become facts almost instantly. There was another one that popped up this week that will go unmentioned because it doesn’t deserve any more ink (or virtual ink as you may). When on the internet I rarely stray from big name site like ESPN or MSNBC yet I saw this rumor just spread like wildfire everywhere else. Just to show you how bad it was, my mom actually mentioned it this week. The actress at the center of the rumor was even on the Late Late Show Thursday and the rumor wasn’t even mentioned wasn’t even mentioned in the part I saw (my tape cut off because an unannounced half hour Master special pushed back the show, stupid CBS). So to all that posted about this and like rumors, when the next one inevitably makes the rounds, just think of the Timex Social Club song before you spread it.

Greek: Wow, they actually gave Lonelygirl15 more than one line. He character is easily the most entertaining on the show so hopefully she continues to get more screen time, but they hooked her up with Rusty a little too soon. He did a little too quick of a U-turn from trying to get far away from her just minutes earlier. And hopefully his roommate makes more appearances at Kappa Tau because he trying to convert Spitter’s brothers could be great. Not so great continues to be Casey and Evan. Why should we root for a couple who cheated on each other when we first met them? Download the current season of Greek on iTunes.

Rescue Me: Well I was wrong that Lou would end up getting the baby, but it is doubtful that Janet will let Sheila keep the kid so he may get it eventually. But that was a really creepy start of the episode with the fire in Tommy’s head although the chief was conspicuously missing. I wonder if he will ever show up again after his vocal comments out the door. And does the fire mean that is the last we will see of his brother and cousin?



The Knights of Prosperity: Oh Rockefeller Butts, how have I missed you? The gang was still in fine form, but who knew Ray Romano was funny. Had I known this maybe I would have watched Everybody Loves Raymond. His “serious” acting was classic. Coming in a close second though was Gary sing Summergirls in his cab (see below) and you can still watch the whole season at ABC.com.



Pirate Master: I’m definitely ready for this to end. I am getting to the point of not caring who wins. Watch the current season of Pirate Master on Innertube.


Pick of the Week: Trapped in the Closet, All Week, IFC: It has been too long since the last installment of Trapped in the Closet leaving us pondering such questions as how does the cop know Chuck and Rufus? Who send the Midget that he didn’t want to give up even though the cop had a gun in his face? How does the narrator fit into all of this? Why was Twan in jail? Where did R. Kelly get the inspiration for the overweight southern white woman (which is the highest of all high comedy)? But for the next two weeks we get a new chapter debuting everyday over at IFC.com/trapped. I am a little worried that Kells will be going overboard as he already plays two characters, Sylvester and the Narrator, and from the preview it looks like he raided Eddie Murphy’s closet and will be playing even more characters this time around. But really as long as the next chapters are just half as good as the previous one’s I’ll be happy. Over at the website you can currently review the previous chapters and check out the character map (should I know who Roxanne is?). And once again here is the recap/preview Chapter 12.5 to hold you over until Monday:

The Best of Public Enemy

As I mentioned when I inducted Fear of a Black Planet (see My Home Is Your Home So Welcome to the Terrordome) into the Scooter Hall of Fame, it is a shame that anyone born after 1985 probably thinks of Flavor Flav as some reality television lifer instead of the greatest hypeman ever for the seminal rap group Public Enemy. That most likely won’t change anytime soon with the announcement that Flav is currently casting even more hood rats for the third season of Flavor of Love as well as being the guest of honor at the latest Comedy Central Roast (which hasn’t been all that entertaining in recent years) airing this Sunday at 10:00. So to show those youngsters just how great his group was and to remind those who where born before 1985, here is a list of the greatest Public Enemy songs ever that fit nicely on a Mix CD clocking in at 78:45. If you think I left something out feel free to tell me what you would have put on and what song it would replace.


1. Bring the Noise - Less Than Zero Soundtrack (1987)
2. Don’t Believe the Hype - It Takes a Nation of Millions to Hold Us Back (1988)
3. Rebel Without a Pause - It Takes a Nation of Millions to Hold Us Back (1988)
4. Night of the Living Baseheads - It Takes a Nation of Millions to Hold Us Back (1988)
5. Fight the Power - Do the Right Thing Soundtrack (1989)
6. Welcome to the Terrordome - Fear of a Black Planet (1990)
7. Brothers Gonna Work it Out - Fear of a Black Planet (1990)
8. Burn Hollywood Burn (featuring Ice Cube and Big Daddy Kane) - Fear of a Black Planet (1990)
9. 911 Is a Joke - Fear of a Black Planet (1990)
10. Can’t Do Nuttin’ for Ya, Man! - Fear of a Black Planet (1990)
11. Can’t Truss It - Apocalypse 91… The Enemy Strikes Black (1991)
12. Shut ‘em Down - Apocalypse 91… The Enemy Strikes Black (1991)
13. By the Time I Get to Arazona - Apocalypse 91… The Enemy Strikes Black (1991)
14. Bring tha Noise (featuring Anthrax) - Apocalypse 91… The Enemy Strikes Black (1991)
15. Give it Up - Muse Sick-n-Hour Mess Age (1994)
16. He Got Game (featuring Stephen Stills) - He Got Game Soundtrack (1998)
17. Son of a Bush - Revolverlution (2002)
18. MKLVFKWR - Bring That Beat Back (featuring Moby) - Unity: the Official Athens 2004 Olympics Games Album (2004)