Like I mentioned in Part 1, A couple weeks ago I realized I never got around to giving full season reviews of many of the past year’s programs. But I figured since the introduction of 57 Channels and Only This Is On this past year it seemed redundant to waste a whole post reiterating this I have probably said earlier. Even though I didn’t want to write up full reviews for each show, I did want to give each show a rating on my Terror Alert Scale. So here in a sort of television in review I’m going to give a quick though on each show (no seriously, I can write short things) and then give it a rating. If you want to go more in depth of my thoughts on each show, than click its label at the bottom of the post.
My Name Is Earl: It is very rare for a great show not to show signs of a sophomore slump in its second season but it even rarer for a show to actually get better. And to think after the first season I had serious doubt that Earl could continue to find entertaining thing to cross of his list. But this season saw the two funniest half hours of television with Our Cops Is On and Two Balls, Two Strikes featuring the extremely hilarious Norm McDonald with oversized, um, just watch the episode. Surprisingly the only let down was when we finally found out why the one legged woman was on the list. But a season filled with Joy arguing with her deaf lawyer, a trip to Mexico, and plenty of Camden County’s finest reappearing definitely made up for it. And for those that can’t wait for the new season, head over to NBC.com where you can see a Free Earl music video made by the Camden residents as well as download the mp3. My Name Is Earl 2.x gets a on my Terror Alert Scale. The show also won two Scooter Television Awards (five lifetime). Download the whole season of My Name Is Earl iTunes.
Rescue Me: after three stellar seasons the show had its first sub-par one. The plotlines seemed to be dropped for now reason with little or no payoff, there where just way too many moments where Tommy’s antic left everyone scratching their head and Papa Gavin showed up late in the season only to die on us. If Denis Leary wants a mulligan I’ll be happy to forget this season ever existed. Rescue Me 4.x gets a on my Terror Alert Scale. The show also won an STA (three lifetime).
Smallville: Actually I can’t really remember much of the past season but if they really killed off the Token Hot Chick I will never watch this show again. Smallville 6.x gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.
Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip: Here is a story of two seasons. The first half knocked out some of the best television of the year from the Pilot to the Wrap Party to the Christmas episode with plenty of great behind the scenes of what goes on at a television show and a network. Then when it became clear that the show was heading for cancellation it seemed like Aaron Sorkin stopped caring and the second half was bogged down by the horrible courtship of Danny and Jordan and his uber-liberal take on the Iraq war. Who knows how great the show could have been if he seemed to care the whole season. Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip 1.x gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.
Veronica Mars: Many people complained of the mini arcs, but those people are morons because the first arc finale, Spit and Eggs is up there as one of the greats in the series run. Same for those that complained about the stand alone episodes because the series finale is also near the top. The heart of the show was the relationships. For three seasons Ronnie and Keith remain the best father daughter on television, Vee and Wallace were the best friends on television and the only one who possible liked Dick more than I did was Dick himself. Sure people like to jump on board flashier names in the Grey’s Anatomy, Heroes and Friday Night Lights, but there was no show more entertaining this past year than Veronica Mars. And now that the series is over we can stop debating if it is the best show currently on television and start throwing it into the discussion of bet ever. Veronica Mars 3.x gets a on my Terror Alert Scale. The show also won five STA’s (fourteen lifetime). Download the whole season of Veronica Mars on iTunes.
In my life, very rarely do I ever give up on a television show before its run is completely over but this year there were four shows that I actually gave up in the middle of the season. I don’t think there have been four shows that I dumped midseason in my previous years of watching televisions. Here’s what and why:
Jericho was so boring Invasion seemed fast pace in comparison and there is nothing more shocking than to see that people actually cared that is was canceled because CBS was right to do so in the first place.
The Class was basically a place holder between How I Met Your Mother and Heroes but after a month and no laughs I found I rather spend that time reading, the show was that bad.
Everything that could have gone wrong went horribly wrong for Pirate Master. Maybe you shouldn’t have filled the cast with rejects from the stack of Survivor applications.
After I deemed the last year’s Supernatural the worst season finale ever, I didn’t plan to watch it this season, but when it was announced that Meg Manning was going to make an appearance (and Studio 60 moving from its timeslot) I though I’d give it another try. Bad idea. Sure the show does have the ability to crank out a great episode or two but there are just too many mediocre X-Files retreads in-between to watch week in and week out.
For those wondering where Friday Night Lights is, the show was one of the few full season reviews I wrote this year thanks in part to it ending in April (see Clear Eyes, Full Hearts Can’t Lose). I bring this up because in the most recent ESPN The Magazine, one of my favorite writes (at least when he is not trying to defend cheater Bill Belichicken) Bill Simmon wrote an impassion article about why you should watch Friday Night Lights (that can also be found at ESPN.com; see Don’t Turn off the “Lights”). I have to agree with everything he says including how the Pilot was clichéd and how the Taylors are two of the best actor on his Tivo (not that I’m pretentious to have a Tivo). Okay he lost me at The OC comparison, but overall it is a great read especially if you are still on the fence on whether to start watching yet.
And for those that want to run your own television network, TelvisionWithouPity is starting up a new fantasy television game, TVBigShot.com. It started off to auspicious start because the link in the e-mail the sent me initially didn’t work, then when I tried later I was able to create an account but wasn’t able to log in. I was finally able to get through to day and filled the appropriately named Scooter McGavin Television. There is a monthly prize and a grand prize of $100,000 at the end of the year which I doubt I’ll win because I went with quality over quantity. If decide to play, a word of advice, don’t just start picking shows like I did because you only have a limited about of money to spend. First write down your favorite shows and their cost, and then pick and choose within your budget because it will cost you money to drop a show once you have selected it.
During Beauty of Uncertainty on her new album Drastic Fantastic, Scottish singer KT Tunstall tells us, “There’s no sense in traveling if we've already been that way.” That sentiment was very apparent on her debut, Eye to the Telescope, where every song was carefully crafted without repeating themes or sounds yet still having the ability to keep each song under the umbrella of adult contemporary. That helped garner the album a rare Severe rating (fun fact: out of two hundred and twenty-one album reviews, only four have been rated Severe).
The quote can also be applied to the new disk where Tunstall wisely doesn’t true to recreate the quirky hit Black Horse and the Cherry Tree. And that is the blessing and the curse of Drastic Fantastic. That hit was a huge risk that paid off tremendously but on the new disk Tunstall tends to play it safe carefully crafting each song into something that is more traditionally found on adult contemporary radio.
There are some flashes throughout the album like the funky upright bass found on the first single Hold On, but the bassist on the song rarely gets a moment to shine as the instrument spends most of the song forced into the background of the backing track. Then near the end there is a smoky, slow burner Beauty of Uncertainty that builds like a train coming down the track.
The rest of the album though falls directly into Adult Contemporary heavyweights Sheryl Crow and Matchbox Twenty territory: there is nothing horrible but then again there is nothing that really stands out. The polished edges may garner her more radio play, but KT may want to leave the wax behind for her next album if she want to make another album as good as Eye to the Telescope.
A couple weeks ago I realized I never got around to giving full season reviews of many of the past year’s programs. But I figured since the introduction of 57 Channels and Only This Is On this past year it seemed redundant to waste a whole post reiterating this I have probably said earlier. Even though I didn’t want to write up full reviews for each show, I did want to give each show a rating on my Terror Alert Scale. So here in a sort of television in review I’m going to give a quick though on each show (no seriously, I can write short things) and then give it a rating. If you want to go more in depth of my thoughts on each show, than click its label at the bottom of the post.
Everybody Hates Chris: One of the most consistent comedies on television, but even though that means there are no bad episodes, there really are not too many great episodes either. Plus you never know which long forgotten black actors that are going to pop up with this season seeing Jimmie Walker and Todd Bridges making appearances. Everybody Hates Chris 2.x gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.
Greek: Typically I avoid shows that can qualify as a guilty pleasure but since it aired during the summer when there is nothing else on it makes it less guilty. Plus the show is on the high end of guilty pleasures thanks to its sometimes high brow humor with jokes about Dick Cheney and Ronald Reagan (thanks to Frannie, the pseudo-conservative sorority president who is one of the most entertaining characters on television). Aside from Frannie the rest of the show was pretty hit or miss. Greek 1.x gets a on my Terror Alert Scale. Download the whole season of Greek on iTunes.
Heroes: I’m not sure what is annoying, the Lost fanboys that would have you believe the show is still as good as its first season or the Heroes fanboys who ignore some humungous flaws, most notable it is poorly written and its acting is even worse. Then some of the secondary heroes (see Radioactive Man, Invisible Dude, the Haitian) are much more entertaining than the main ones like. Hearing Cop needs to die. Split Personality Chick needs to die. Absorbing Guy needs to stay dead. And wouldn’t you know, the three worst characters were all seen in the future. Then the show went and broke the cardinal rule of shows like this and didn’t kill off the Big Bad. Shows should never recycle Big Bads. Maybe if they kill off the three characters above, have the new Big Bad kill off Sylar early (after he repents for his sins), start turning Hiro dark (because he is already starting to get annoying), and bring in Rob Thomas (no, not the dude from Matchbox Twenty) to write for Kristen Bell and maybe Heroes can finally live up to the hype it got in the first season. Heroes 1.x gets a on my Terror Alert Scale. The show also won an Scooter Television Award.
How I Met Your Mother: The show hit a big sophomore slump this year. But I guess that would happen when Ted spends the entire season tied to someone we already know is the mother in question. Added to that the show spend too much time trying humanizing Barney. I prefer my Barney with no redeeming qualities. How I Met Your Mother 2.x gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.
Knights of Prosperity: One of the biggest crimes against humanity was this show never finding an audience thanks to ABC screwing with its scheduling then saying they couldn’t find a slot for it this fall though they found one for Cavemen as well as finding a reprieve for According to Jim. The show did rival My Name Is Earl in terms of laughs most of the time although never did quite have any instant classic episodes like Earl had this season (more on that later). The absurd cast was cast of characters were instantly likeable including Rockefeller Butts who had me on the floor every time he opened his mouth. Knights of Prosperity 1.x gets a on my Terror Alert Scale. The show also won two STA’s.
Lost: The show recovered a little after suffering one of the worst sophomore slumps ever in television history. And the show looks to be curing one of its worst ills, boring flash forwards (seriously did anyone care anymore when we found how Locke got in his wheelchair), with the shocking introduction of the flash forward in the finale. And I know I may be in the majority, but the two random people-centric episode was up there as one of the best in the series history just because how inane it was. I laughed more during that episode than I did during an hour’s worth of some sitcoms. Lost 3.x get a on my Terror Alert Scale. The show also won two STA’s (five lifetime).
Big News of the Week: The New Television Season Starts This Week: Or so I’m told. There is only one show on my schedule this week. Only one hour of network television: I guess I can catch up on my reading. Naw, I’ll waste it playing video games. Of course if you cannot wait for some of the new shows, many of them have popped up on Amazon’s Unbox. But be warned for those new to Unbox as the DRM is more strict that iTunes (or so my token geeky friend would have me believe) and has an excruciatingly long download time (seriously five hours for a twenty minute show is way too long), but hey, they are free. Here is a rundown of all the shows you can get and links to where you can download them:
And not to be left out, iTunes is offering up Gossip Girl. Although oddly the show’s page is no longer link from the TV section in iTunes but you can get there by following the link on the name. Now I’m not entirely sure why shows about bored rich kids who have nothing better to do but have sex, do drugs, whiled being followed around by crappy music (see Beverly Hills 90210, The OC, Laguna Beach, The Hills, New Port Harbor, any E! new special on Paris Hilton) but I would sooner watch the Britney Spears performance from the VMA’s on a loop than watch another second of this show. And any fan of Veronica Mars may stick a pencil in their ear hearing Kristen Bell talk like someone who is bitter that they weren’t picked for MY Super Sweet 16. So watch at your own risk and do so without any access to sharp objects.
Greek: You think that an episode featuring Cameron Frye, Cordilia Chase and Kendall Casablancas would be a can’t miss but the finale was, in a word, underwhelming. The one saving grace was Frannie who is quickly moving up my favorite characters on television list (granted over half of them were on shows that were axed so I do a complete repopulating of the list). Her Ronald Reagan reference had me on the floor for a while. If you know anyone like Frannie, have her shout me a holla. Download the current season of Greek on iTunes.
Rescue Me: Speaking of underwhelming, that is the best word to describe the whole fourth season of Rescue Me. There we rumblings of this season ending up as just a figment of Tommy’s imagination but that may have been for the best, just take a mulligan and start over again next season with Tommy being pulled out of the beach house fire. And the ending storylines were just inane, Franco allowing Rich to get married, Lou’s cousin setting him up with the fat black chick for the revenge sex, Shawn and Maggie giving up on their marriage for I believe the fifth time this season, and the death of Tommy’s dad, who just popped up for the first time this season not too long ago just continued everything.
Promo of the Week: Last week I mentioned the Mandy Moore promo for the season premiere of How I Met Your Mother and in my neverending quest to find it (which I still haven’t) I came across this video hyping a December (although the Grammy homepage says November 30th) special celebrating the 50th anniversary of the Grammy’s. You can head over to Grammy.com to vote for your favorite; presumably the top vote getters will be counted down in the special. Not surprisingly all the performances you can vote for are post-1980 and there are some questionable inclusions in the 50 you can choose from (seriously Seal?). I may have to do some research and come up with my definitive list one of these days.
Pick of the Week: Survivor: China, Thursday at 8:00 on CBS: As you may heard this is the first time any major television show has been allowed to film in the country. But if you look back at the past Survivor seasons, the some of the worst have been the land locked ones (see Africa). And CBS had the unfortunate luck of including a WWE wrestler not foreseeing the Chris Benoit incident and the ensuing steroids in pro wresting scandal. But hey, at least the is a chicken farmer named Chicken. Mmm, I wonder how he got that nickname. And what the hey, I’ll go ahead and say Chicken is my pre-season pick to win it all.
And now here is my official watching schedule of Fall 2007. Please note that either Chuck or The Big Bang Theory with likely be dumped. Chuck is currently leading just because the have the hotter Token Hot Chick. Also I may watch Journeyman if NBC.com streams the episodes.
Monday 8:00 - How I Met Your Mother (CBS September 24) 8:00 - Chuck (NBC September 24) 8:00 - Everybody Hates Chris (CW October 1) 8:30 - Big Bang Theory (CBS September 24) 9:00 - Heroes (NBC September 24)
Tuesday Since network television didn’t bother putting on anything worth watching on this night I’ll take this time to continue watching some shows on DVD including the second season of Rome and the first of Big Love. Anyone have any other suggestions?
Wednesday 8:00 - Pushing Daisies (ABC October 3)
Thursday 8:00 - Survivor (CBS September 20) 8:00 - My Name Is Earl (NBC September 27) 8:00 - Smallville (CW September 27)
It has almost been two years since I last rolled out the last 80’s Dance Party themed version of the lyrics quiz so it has way too long since I rolled out a quiz full of lyrics from the greatest (and by greatest I mean cheesiest) decade for music. If my memory serves me correctly, the first two 80’s Dance Party have been the only two lyrics quizzes not to need any hints. Let’s see if you can make it three in a row even though these will be harder. Much like every Lyrics Quiz, please post your guesses, title and artist, in the comment section (or you can e-mail me) and if you are correct I will unbold the lyric and give you credit. The Lyrics Quiz is for entertainment purposes only so please do not use anything besides your own meandering mind to help you up with the answers. Now onto the Lyrics Quiz:
1. I could see it was a rough-cut Tuesday. Slow-motion weekdays stare me down. (Freeze-Frame - J. Geils Band; guessed by Angie) 2. Born of the years, is it so wrong to be human after all? (Something About You - Level 42; guessed by Angie) 3. I got a job waiting for my graduation, fifty thou a year’ll buy a lot of beer. (The Future's So Bright, I Gotta Wear Shades - Timbuk 3; guessed by Dara) 4. I knew by the way that she kissed me that she knew how to kiss. (Raspberry Beret - Prince; guessed by Angie) 5. Hugging like a monkey see monkey do right beside a riverboat gambler. (Wishing Well - Terence Trent D'Arby) 6. I need fifty dollars to make you holla. (Wild Thing - Tone Loc; guessed by Angie) 7. I wanna change my clothes, my hair, my face. (Dancing in the Dark - Bruce Springsteen; guessed by Dara) 8. I brought my pencil. Give me something to write on. (Hot for Teacher - Van Halen; guessed by Dara) 9. As we taxied down the runway I could hear the people shout. They said, “Don’t come back here Yankee!” (All She Wants to Do Is Dance - Don Henley; guessed by Dara) 10. Please, Louis, pull me off of my knees. (Footloose - Kenny Loggins; guessed by Dara) 11. I can’t get any rest. People say I'm obsessed. Everything you say is lies. But to me there's no surprise. (She Drives Me Crazy - Fine Young Cannibals; Angie) 12. I catch a paper boy. But things don't really change. I’m standing in the wind. But I never wave bye-bye. (Modern Love - David Bowie; guessed by Angie) 13. Don’t forget it’s me who put you where you are now and I can put you back down too. (Don't You Want Me - Human League; guessed by Dara) 14. And the river was deep I didn't falter. When the mountain was high I still believed. When the valley was low it didn't stop me. (I Knew You Were Waiting (For Me) - Aretha Franklin and George Michaels; guessed by Dara) 15. He got the action, he got the motion. Yeah, the boy can play. Dedication, devotion, turning all the night time into the day. (Walk of Life - Dire Straits; guessed by Dara) 16. Philosophy is the talk on a cereal box. Religion is a smile on a dog. (What I Am - Edie Brickell and the New Bohemians; guessed by Dara) 17. The crème de la crème of the chess world in a show with everything but Yul Brynner. (One Night in Bankok - Murry Head; guessed by Angie) 18. Big hands I know you’re the one. (Blister in the Sun - Violent Femmes; guessed by Dara) 19. To do the dishes. To clean up my room. To do the laundry. And in the bathroom. (Girls - Beastie Boys; guessed by Dara) 20. Turn it down you say, well all I got to say to you is time and time again, I say “No!” (I Wanna Rock - Twisted Sister; guessed by Angie) 21. You didn’t know that rock ‘n’ roll burned so you bought a candle and you lived and you learned. (Once Bitten, Twice Shy - Great White; guessed by Dara) 22. Top coat, top hat, I don't worry cause my wallet's fat. (Sharp Dressed Man - ZZ Top; guessed by Dara) 23. Well who is he baby, who is he and tell me what he means to you. (Cuts Like Knife - Bryan Adams; guessed by Dara) 24. From out of the shadows she walks like a dream. Makes me feel crazy, makes me feel so mean. (On the Dark Side - John Cafferty & The Beaver Brown Band; guessed by Angie) 25. It’s gonna take a lot to drag me away from you. There’s nothing that a hundred men or more could ever do. (Africa - Toto; guessed by Angie)
Thanks to network television continued refusal to put anything worth watching during the summer, I get to use that time to catch up on some quality television I may have missed. Namely the ones on premium channels that I don’t subscribe to in part because I am what the government like to classify as poor but more importantly if I subscribed to one of them I would sit around and watch movies all day trying to get my money worth, not accomplishing anything else. I went through two series this summer the first of which was HBO’s reinterpretation of ancient Rome (a review of the first season of Dexter is coming later this month).
Rome is basically a tale of two stories. The first follows the real life Julius Caesar and his fight for the city against former ally Quintus Pompey. Although those two tend to take the back seat to Caesar’s conniving niece Atia of the Julii and the two brats she has raised Octavia and Octavian. And they intertwine with plenty of names you should recognize from your history book, Mark Anthony, Brutus, and Cleopatra.
Certainly any history is already spoiled of some of the major plot points that take place in the eight years the first season covers. And even the people that don’t watch the History Channel constantly will first think of the famous last words of Caesar (or as Shakespeare would have you believe) when Brutus first walks on screen, but each second of the show keeps you engrossed that it doesn’t distract you that much until the events are imminent.
That is thanks to the second story following two Roman soldiers in the Caesar led thirteenth legion, Lucius Vorenus and Titus Pullo. The names are actually taken from actual soldiers in the thirteenth, but there is no historical parallels accept in name. Instead these fictional characters have a Forrest Gumpian ability of showing up at some important events in ancient Rome and having a direct effect in some important tides of change.
The relationship of Vorenus and Pullo are the heart of the show and their odd couple appeal lead to some humorous moments. Pullo is a light hearted brut who loves the trill of battle and whose legion is basically the only family he has ever know. On the other hand Vorenus is a straight-laced family man how is loyal to a fault. No matter how each other try, they ever since in the first episode when Anthony sends them on a wild goose chase together.
But the most important characters are the sets themselves. The production value on the show rivals that of many big budget movies. No detail is missed on the massive sets to the point where not only are the viewer transported back to the time I wouldn’t be surprised if the actors themselves sometimes forgot they were on a soundstage. Of course it may have been too good because the cost of the show led to the series only having two seasons. With that said, the make-up department could have done a better job aging the characters who never seemed to age despite the eight years between the first and last episode. The biggest offender was Octavian who starts out as an eleven year old and ends nineteen yet looks fifteen throughout the whole season.
There are plenty of extra to devour on the DVD with eight of the twelve episodes getting an audio commentary. Two of the bigger scenes, including a gladiator match, get and in depth featurette as well as two featurettes, one focusing on the sets, wardrobe and actor and the other a History Channel worthy look at the time. There is also an introduction pieces to all the characters, which is good because there are a lot of them. But the best feature is All Roads Lead to Rome, an onscreen guide (think a classier version of Pop-Up Video) that is available for every episode that gives you more historic context to what is going on compiled by Jonathan Stamp, the historical consultant on the show.
There have been a couple of videos that have caught my eye lately so I though I’d give them some love since the death of Musical Television left a void for a forum on the art form so here they are courtesy of YouTube. I advise you to watch them before you read my reviews if you don’t want me to spoil things. If you are interested in buying the video through iTunes, click the title link (where available, if not the link goes to YouTube where you can watch the video in full screen). If you are interested in buying the song, look for a link in the analysis.
You got to love how Kanye West releases a video for a song that gives a shout-out to his release date buddy 50 Cent, who he is destroying after first day sales. It looks like Kanye will end up selling more albums in one day than 50 does all week. The video though is just your basic computer graphic enhanced clip with him and T-Pain doing their best Puff Daddy/Mase impressions. And what is with the two cuts Kanye is sporting the profile view? Well, at least it wasn’t his eyebrows.
This is one of the new songs featured on the upcoming Matchbox Twenty greatest hits package Exile on Mainstream. Get it? Instead of Main Street. Oh never mind. Can’t say I was ever the biggest fan of the band. Maybe because I had a neighbor who I shared a paper thin wall will in college who would blast Long Day for an entire month. That’s it. No other song, just Long Day. As for the video I doubt it will get any spins on television thanks to the equal air-time laws. And really why bother it is not like either Barack Obama or Hilary Clinton could win the national election.
What do you do when you want to make a video but the person who sung the song is in rehab? Well if you are Mark Ronson you just pull a couple of look-a-like out of the crowd Courtney Cox style. Between his record, and the ones he produced for Lily Allen, Amy Winehouse and Christina Aguilera, if Ronson doesn’t take home producer of the year at the Grammy’s this year, there is something seriously wrong.
Pretty cool effects in this video especially the melting record. But since the last two singles haven’t caught on I’m not sure this one will either. Between Evanescence and Kelly Clarkson this hasn’t been that good of a year for angry white chicks. No wonder Alanis Morissette has been hiding lately.
To the hip-hop purists: remember back in the late nineties when one of your buddies slipped you a mix tape featuring a rapper who mixed wit (How to Rob) with grit (Heat) and filled the void left by the deaths Biggie and Pac?
To the fourteen year old white girls: Remember when the really buff guy that the uber-cute Eminem found who thankfully always walked around without his shirt (except for when he wore his bulletproof vest, but that just upped the bad boy quota), who some was always played in the club, and by club I mean the middle school dance?
And there are the two careers of 50 Cent and it is almost appropriate to write separate reviews for the two different groups of music listeners. But I won’t because I’m lazy. But for the rap purists they probably have already given up on 50 after openly courting the suburban females on The Massacre. But 50 was quick to learn just how fickle the teenage girl is (remember O-Town? no? um, never mind) when the soundtrack to Get Rich or Die Trying barely sold a million copies after his first two major label album sold thirteen million combined. And it did not help that Lily Allen was able to take the unlistenable Window Shopper and flip into something extremely catchy.
50, knowing he could never court back the hip-hop purist, completes his sell out on Curtis by bringing in the likes of Justin Timberlake (Ayo Technology), the chick from the Pussycat Dolls (who adds her vocal scratches Fire), and what album these days wouldn’t be complete without Akon. But it is laughable heard a dude that looks like Starvin Marvin sing about gang warfare on I Still Kill.
And 50 is quick to readily admit he’s has sold out and flaunt it on songs like I Get Money and Straight to the Bank. The two songs are head scratches apposed to head noders. I Get Money for some reason features 50 chanting the cheesy Hip Hop Hooray hook. But when Naughty by Nature does it is cheesy good, when 50 does it is cheesy bad. Then Straight to the Bank features an annoying “ha, ha, ha, ha” chorus, courtesy of the always annoying Tony Yayo, where you have to ask how could anyone think that was a good idea.
Curtis actually starts of with an actual classic 50 sound with My Gun Go Off and gets his gangsta on over a treacherous beat. But that quickly ends as the rest of the album is a muddled mess which is possibly thanks to having seventeen different producers listed for seventeen different tracks. Mary J. Blige brings some class to All of Me but it is just way to late to help the train wreck of an album.
And 50 shows traits of someone trying to grasp onto the spotlight by just recycling past hits. Follow My Lead might as well be the 22nd Question but switched out Nate Dogg with the dude from Growing Pains’ kid (a complete downgrade). And I will let you all discuss amongst yourself what the worse metaphor for sex is: Candy Shop or Amusement Park. What is the cheesy metaphor for the next album, a movie theater, cruise ship, state fair? Then Fully Loaded Clip tries to update How to Rob but without the underlining humor.
Even though the battle has been hyped for a month, it is a foregone conclusion that Kanye West will be the chart champ next week. 50 Cent’s real competition will be with Kenny Chesney for second. And don’t count out the High School Musical 2 Soundtrack pushing 50 down to fourth.
Leave it to Kanye West to somehow come out with the most disappointing album of the year as well as the best rap album of the year. The disappointment was bound to happen considering his first album was not only the best rap album of this decade but holds up to the classics of the old school era. Then followed up that disk with one that pushed the limits of hip-hop, bringing in Jon Brion to co-produce, and came close to being as good as the debut.
The biggest disappointments on Graduation are when tries to follow the template of past jams. Drunk and Hot Girls, featuring Mos Def, have the same tongue in cheek lyrics that made Get ‘Em High and Golddigger fun, but the ultra slow beat just takes all the fun of this song not to mentioned I lived through many of the events in the song that bring up some bad memories. And one of the highlights of the previous two albums is when Kanye shows his sensitive side like on Family Business and Hey Mama but his man crush for Jay-Z on Big Brother, that closes out the album is a little creepy.
Plus for a guy who never shies away from controversial subjects, like why he suggested it was Reagan who introduced crack into the ghetto and of course his George Bush comment, it is a little disappointing he doesn’t take a stance on Big Head Barry on Barry Bonds (skip the forgettable Lil’ Wayne verse) even though he mentions, “My head’s so big you can’t sit behind me” yet no mentions of Barry’s oversized dome. That’s not to say Mr. West avoids all controversial statement saying in album opener Good Morning, “I’m like a fly Malcolm X, buy any jeans necessary.”
And yes, the album actually starts off with a song, not Bernie Mac who opened the previous two albums. In fact Kanye eliminated one of the biggest rap clichés with no skits on the whole album. And in a time when all the other rappers that get radio play are still trying to recreate a mix of Dre, Biggie and Pac or creating beats so simplistic so they make good ringtones even if the song as a whole suffers, continues to push music further.
Kanye has no problems with paying the sample rates just to get a snippet of Elton John’s Someone Saved My Life Tonight that even someone with the best musical ear wouldn’t recognize on Good Morning. Or making Chuck D’s “Here We Go Again,” scratched up by DJ Premier, part of the slow jam Everything I Am. Really, can you imagine Can’t Tell Me Nothing being as good without the “yeah’s eh’s and ha-ha’s from the Young Jeezy song? It is this attention to detail that has been lacking in hip-hop since they started enforcing sample payments.
But skits are replaced by newer rap cliché with T-Pain, who shows up on every song that doesn’t already have Akon on it. Thankfully the annoying voice box enhanced singer is only relegated to repeating the line from School Spirit during the club ready Good Life. Unfortunately a guest spot from the dude from Coldplay doesn’t work at all and just sounds out of place singing about “fireworks on Lake Michigan” on Homecoming.
If you are looking for some old school Kanye, The Glory would have fit well in the first album with its sped up soul sample playing thought the song and quirky lines like, “Two years the Dwayne Wayne became the Dwayne Wade. I’m like Gnarls Barkley meets Charles Barkley.” He even gives veiled me a shout out saying, “I'm on a world tour with Common my man.” (Okay he may have just been referencing A Tribe Called Quest who I stole the line from).
But on the rest of Graduation tries to push things further. All summer long it seemed like every other week a new Kanye West track leaked to the internet but that may have been a good game plan because songs like Stronger and Can’t Tell Me Nothing take a while for them to get burned into your conscience. Hopefully some of the disappointing tracks will start to grow on me in time too.
Remember the catchphrase from what I think was the eighth installment of the Lethal Weapon franchise when Danny Glover (or was it Mel Gibson) said, “I’m getting too old for this (expletive deleted)!” Well that is how I have felt after ever Video Music Awards since, um, when was the last time Chris Rock hosted? But I thought this year was different when the show was announced thanks to scheduled performers Lily Allen and Amy Winehouse. Apparently MTV got word of this and since they have been trying very hard to keep anyone that is actually older than they are, both ended up not being able to make it to the show.
And so went the interest as most anyone who isn’t a fourteen year old white girl that still thinks Fall Out Boy are cool. But in the end I guess it is good that neither made it because they probably would have just been relegated to singing for thirty second with Mark Ronson before MTV cut to commercial. Seriously, if I wanted to hear less than a minute of a song I’d watch TRL. Eighteen different acts were featured but only five get to perform a full song. Why bother? Apparently you can watch all the suite performances at MTV.com but you might as well wait until someone rips the best to mp3. Here are some other thoughts on the show:
- We start off with the fairly worthless pre-show where they roll out John Norris again. Did this guy sign some sort of life-long contract? MTV has a stricter age limit than Menoudo yet he still gets rolled out every year with his boyband circa 1999 haircut. And there is something to say that even though T.I. was in the building, he didn’t bother to show up for the chick from the Pussycat Dolls performance, who relied heavily on guided vocals, even though he appeared on the song.
- The big show started of with the much hyped Britney Spears performance and despite with expectations were so low she could walk over the bar, she still found a way to slither under it. Now I have never watched America’s Got Talent, but her performance is what I would imagine what a Britney impersonator’s that was let on the show just so the Hoff would have something to laugh at would look like. She didn’t bother to lip-sync half the time and was a half to full step behind her back up dancers half the time and looked lost half the time. But I guess it would be hard to remember the steps and to move your lips when you spent three minutes trying to hold in your gut. Note to Britney: fat people don’t walk around in their bra and panties. Yeah you could have pull that look off thirty pounds ago but you now either need to put some clothes on or work in a thousand sit ups a day.
- MTV seriously dropped the ball with the opening. They usher out a train wreck that hasn’t been musically relevant for half a decade for an embarrassing performance when they should have convinced Vanessa Hudgens open the show asking the crowd, “heard any good jokes lately?” (Thanks to everyone who pointed out why people she all the sudden became the most popular search to the 9th Green). Everyone would have talked around the watercooler today how great the opening was instead of how horrible it was. Well actually most of the watercooler talk today was, “wait, the VMA’s were last night?”
- Apparently MTV had a contingency plan in case the Brittney performance died like it did with Sarah Silverman coming out to make fun of her. Granted the best line was, “that’s not nice calling Madonna a python” as well as her backhanded comments to Paris Hilton who once again tried to look upset before breaking out laughing.
- Rihanna wins the Monster Single of the Year as well as the monster cleavage of the year award.
- Jennifer Hundson (as Alicia Keys calls her) comes out to give the most worthless award of the night, the quadruple threat award. Since when is having a clothing line a threat?
- Holy Pat Smear sighting!
- Kanye West and 50 Cent come out to hype their release date. I have said this before and I will say it again, for the love of hip-hop be sure to pick up Graduation this week so 50 retires for coming in second. Anyone find it interesting that no one even mentions Kenny Chesney who has a legitimate chance to outsell either of the rappers. Don’t underestimate the buying power of hillbillies. But any ways. Be sure to look out for my Kanye review tomorrow and 50 on Wednesday.
- Forty-five minutes into the award show and we get our first full performance by Chris Brown who did a much better job lip-syncing that Britney. But that really say much about it. But is does say something that Rihanna stole the show from him.
- Justin Timberlake’s music sucks massively and acts like a complete tool ninety-five percent of the time but I like his blast at MTV and their reality programming while accepting an award from The Hills (but I’d like to state for the record that I would definitely stand underneath the brunette’s umbrella-ella-ella-eh-eh-eh). But then lost points when saying that The Simpsons were part of MTV’s reality programming.
- Seriously, Cee-Lo singing Prince while being backed by the Foo Fighters only gets thirty seconds of airtime?
- I must take this time to apologize to CBS for creating the most appalling reality show ever with Kids Nation. I didn’t realize MTV would counter with A Shot of Love with Tila Tequila (whoever that is), your token Bachelor rip-off but with sixteen lesbians and straight dudes. But there is something to say that both channels are owned by the same company (keep in mind this is also the same company that axed Veronica Mars).
- Are we really supposed to believe Shia LeBeouf didn’t really have express written consent to reveal the new Indiana Jones title (Kingdom of the Crystal Skull). That is just insulting our intelligence.
- Who keeps inviting Pamela Anderson to these things? She and Carmen Electra should be well into their begging to get on the Surreal Life point in their life but somehow they still get on big name events. What’s worst is supposedly she is the reason for the most interesting thing that happened all night (Kid Rock sucker punching Tommy Lee) and MTV didn’t even bother to air it.
- Speaking of overrated chicks, Megan Fox may be one of the few people that rival Anderson in that category. She announces Timbaland who does some weird thing before tossing it to Linkin Park. What was that? Why even bother? Why not just have Fox toss to Linkin Park. Timbaland is just completely worthless.
- During the pre-show Rihanna mentioned she was going to rock out tonight and I thought maybe she would be backed by New Order (Shut Up and Drive samples Blue Monday), but now it is just Fall Out Boy who just took home Best Group. Yawn.
- Alicia Keys adds some class to program even if she was wearing that looked like Olivia Newton-John combined her wardrobe from the final scene from Grease and the Physical video. The new song was decent, but I’m not sure where I come down on Freedom ’90. I was hoping that maybe she would bring out George Michaels but alas no.
- Jamie Foxx comes out to show everyone how much he has had to drink while in Vegas then shuts ups just long enough for Jennifer Garner announce the Best New Award as Gym Class Fallout. Yeah, that seems just about right.
- MTV then rolls out a week old joke that really wasn’t that funny a week ago in the Miss Teen South Carolina who flubs while pretending to flubs. Nice. At least she gave the Wu-Tang Clan a shout out.
- The big surprise guest of the night is Dr. Dre (who is disturbingly showing his age). No he didn’t perform or even receive a Lifetime Achievement Award or anything interesting, no he is just relegated to handing out Video of the Year to Rihanna.
- The show ends with Nelly Furtado, Timberlake and Timbaland each performing a verse from their latest song before getting together as the song they did together start only for the track to stop so abruptly that Timbaland had to inform everyone five seconds later that that’s the end of the show. How apropos of an end.
- I’m really getting too old for this (expletive deleted).
Big News of the Week: NBC Really Want You to See Their New Shows: Last week I mentioned that NBC would be offering up three of there new shows, Chuck, Journeyman, and Life, to rent through Blockbuster. Then a couple days ago I mentioned that starting tomorrow, you could download those three shows as well as Bionic Woman through Amazon’s UnBox (if it is already Monday when you read this check the sidebar for a banner that will take you to the site). Then yesterday I was wondering through my On Demand feature on my television and saw an ad saying you can watch those four shows on the Entertainment On Demand channel as well as the High-Def on Demand channels up to two weeks before the shows even air (since the shows weren’t up yet when I checked yesterday I assume they won’t be available until tomorrow, but then again they may be there already and am just a moron when it comes to technology). Scooter Update: See below for the Amazon links to the shows:
For those of you that are too cheap to shell out the extremely low sticker price of twenty dollars for the best new show of last season, Friday Night Lights, the good people over at GiveMeMyRemote are giving away a copy of the first season for free.
Greek: Last week I forgot to complain about this week’s promo where the announcer said there was going to be a twist that no will see coming followed by an Cappie and Rebecca Logan in what looked like a compromising position. I was going to complain the whole twist was completely revealed last week only to find this week that the twist was that they didn’t hook up. Or was it that Cappie used the money to pay Casey back? Or did I miss the surprising twist altogether. Which may be plausible because if I’m not mistaken I was in a drug induced haze while watching the episode. And why was there even a new episode on Labor Day? Download the current season of Greek on iTunes.
Rescue Me: Another strange storyline with Tommy breaking out his dead cousin’s uniform to go on jobs when he was off duty. I guess it makes sense that without alcohol he goes out and does the only other thing that makes him feel anything. And it is a good thing he is still sober because the school room scene was another instant classic. Not so much a classic was the cheesy sitcom type storyline with Garrity’s little beer goggles bit with two different actresses. And I’m sure I would have laughed at the new phrase I learned, Beer Queer, had it not hit a little too close to home.
Promo of the Week: Don’t you have it when you see something on television, go to look for it on YouTube only not to be able to find it? It was watching the Browns opener, who got for the seventh straight year embarrassed… at home… to the evil empire Steelers, so that meant an onslaught of CBS promo. (On a side note, if any of you watch Kid Nation, you, my sir, are a moron.) One that caught my eye was the How I Met Your Mother season premiere with Mandy Moore talking about her involvement followed up by Neil Patrick Harris, in full Barney mode, telling the audience she would be appearing naked. And when Mandy disagree Neil told her to check her contract. I don’t know why the networks don’t instinctively put all their promos on YouTube, it is free advertising. When someone finally decides to le me run its network it will be the highest rated network ever (well at least in the cable and internet era).
Pick of the Week: Greek, Monday 9:00 ABCFamily; Rescue Me, Wednesday 10:00 FX: A rare double Pick of the Week from two shows that really couldn’t be more different, both of which end their seasons this week. Greek spent its solid first season riding somewhere in between a guilty pleasure and quality program but never really hit its stride thanks to a bad love triangle storyline. Then there is Rescue Me, after three great seasons of the best show on basic cable, it all came crashing down with its first shaky season of the series run. There were plenty of bright spots like a guest spot from Amy Sedaris, anything involving Garrity, and the Gavin family AA meeting, but there were more than enough uninteresting storylines and just off the deep end moments involving Tommy that just brought the season down as a whole. Let’s hope both show ends on a bright spot.
![Terror Alert Level: Severe [RED]](https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidjcsCV5I3jWQDVTcnVoXbArSx3kHl02FZ8FkOHBBKP2w8mQulcCF614SIw1GjuB2JtKV2YcQOKXtMlnW2ulLSOvYvvXzDwZ3JF4Mlh0Dt2nfEL1oGLh0sk7O-GRHWbCPvJmMMKg/s400/small_severe.png)
on my Terror Alert Scale. The show also won two Scooter Television Awards (five lifetime). Download the whole season of My Name Is Earl iTunes.![Terror Alert Level: Elevated [YELLOW]](https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6-iVFV0hXCTSYP16K_V0Rrxp3GqFrtBIJKeTUyQ2LpxZQ9XKHFj6QGtqqa7oxhLadLV8vUj8R84AftD8IKUSfN0u_u0CYDtJwhrpCPN2DBWquAIDv0jbVlhZL0mDFKlPKluGyxw/s400/small_elevated.png)
on my Terror Alert Scale. The show also won an STA (three lifetime).
![Terror Alert Level: High [ORANGE]](https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhebDZ0qqwOVKMZj7oFSUe8Hm3ax54U9Hp1fThJPgiddTyzcdwx_5SV6E3b7hkKyxbaDiym4COmUXT2YJnsKCUjBHI_a2xZtNoY7qFQRslP5AGO5gLkJwn2ZbO0wIF80ycbKrgPPA/s400/small_high.png)
on my Terror Alert Scale.
![Terror Alert Level: Low [GREEN]](https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhV5jUNMqnrEt-A-laO7HQcvH_2mssvEmU-3Ljc21QB95bE8gBS-ozxxmgUMEDQnUAPq4VYFmBlF5RIkGoiRjdCR8euNAtMTAaPmay8ZF4Lg3LY4TNqjAOq_3qDmalmC9AxLMIoVw/s400/small_low.png)
on my 
