No More Platinum, I'm Wearing Gold

To the hip-hop purists: remember back in the late nineties when one of your buddies slipped you a mix tape featuring a rapper who mixed wit (How to Rob) with grit (Heat) and filled the void left by the deaths Biggie and Pac?

To the fourteen year old white girls: Remember when the really buff guy that the uber-cute Eminem found who thankfully always walked around without his shirt (except for when he wore his bulletproof vest, but that just upped the bad boy quota), who some was always played in the club, and by club I mean the middle school dance?

And there are the two careers of 50 Cent and it is almost appropriate to write separate reviews for the two different groups of music listeners. But I won’t because I’m lazy. But for the rap purists they probably have already given up on 50 after openly courting the suburban females on The Massacre. But 50 was quick to learn just how fickle the teenage girl is (remember O-Town? no? um, never mind) when the soundtrack to Get Rich or Die Trying barely sold a million copies after his first two major label album sold thirteen million combined. And it did not help that Lily Allen was able to take the unlistenable Window Shopper and flip into something extremely catchy.

50, knowing he could never court back the hip-hop purist, completes his sell out on Curtis by bringing in the likes of Justin Timberlake (Ayo Technology), the chick from the Pussycat Dolls (who adds her vocal scratches Fire), and what album these days wouldn’t be complete without Akon. But it is laughable heard a dude that looks like Starvin Marvin sing about gang warfare on I Still Kill.

And 50 is quick to readily admit he’s has sold out and flaunt it on songs like I Get Money and Straight to the Bank. The two songs are head scratches apposed to head noders. I Get Money for some reason features 50 chanting the cheesy Hip Hop Hooray hook. But when Naughty by Nature does it is cheesy good, when 50 does it is cheesy bad. Then Straight to the Bank features an annoying “ha, ha, ha, ha” chorus, courtesy of the always annoying Tony Yayo, where you have to ask how could anyone think that was a good idea.

Curtis actually starts of with an actual classic 50 sound with My Gun Go Off and gets his gangsta on over a treacherous beat. But that quickly ends as the rest of the album is a muddled mess which is possibly thanks to having seventeen different producers listed for seventeen different tracks. Mary J. Blige brings some class to All of Me but it is just way to late to help the train wreck of an album.

And 50 shows traits of someone trying to grasp onto the spotlight by just recycling past hits. Follow My Lead might as well be the 22nd Question but switched out Nate Dogg with the dude from Growing Pains’ kid (a complete downgrade). And I will let you all discuss amongst yourself what the worse metaphor for sex is: Candy Shop or Amusement Park. What is the cheesy metaphor for the next album, a movie theater, cruise ship, state fair? Then Fully Loaded Clip tries to update How to Rob but without the underlining humor.

Even though the battle has been hyped for a month, it is a foregone conclusion that Kanye West will be the chart champ next week. 50 Cent’s real competition will be with Kenny Chesney for second. And don’t count out the High School Musical 2 Soundtrack pushing 50 down to fourth.

Song to Download - My Gun Go Off

Curtis gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.