Funkier Than a Mosquito's Tweeter

Nikka Costa's new album, can'tneverdidnothin', is a dance romp for anybody who spends more time in the club than they do in the classroom. It packed full of funky beats that will make Dr. Dre and Prince jealous. The album starts of with a one-two punch. Till I Get To You, the first single that hopefully you picked up last week when iTunes was offering it for free, is a bouncy song that is just as catchy as her breakout song, 2001's Like a Feather. Next is the title track, which is just as danceable and fun as the previous track.

The album does slow down in a few places, sometime with better results than others. I Gotta Know is a heartbreaking love song about a girl hoping to find out her boyfriend's feelings are still as strong as her's. Hey Love, another slow gem, is also a lovelorn song that tries to help a lover out of his funk. Where Costa slows down that fails is the closer, Fatherless Child, which actually slows down too much to the point you may fall asleep while listening to it. (In actuality, there is a very good bluesy hidden track, I Don't Think We've Met, that ends the album.) Another misstep is when Fooled Ya gets to the chorus, it's just overkill for the song, had she cut that out the verses would make up a good song.

Also on the album is the rocking On and On. The song sounds like as if AC/CD tried to make a danceable song with a female singing lead. You can almost hear Back in Black if you listen hard enough. But the highlight of the entire album is the excellently titled Funkier Than a Mosquito's Tweeter (I'm not sure exactly how the title got pass the censors). The tribal song is decent, but I just enjoying saying Funkier Than a Mosquito's Tweeter.

can'tneverdidnothin' gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.

Musings From the Back 9 vol. IV

- Tonight is the greatest event in all of sports: the NBA Draft Lottery. Yeah it's rigged but it's always interesting to see who shows up for their respective teams. Will Kobe show up? LeBron? Will Spike Lee be the Knicks' representative? One thing for sure is that Elgin Baylor will be there for the 91^st time. Check out the Sports Guy's take on the event: Lottery Ticket.

- It was just announced that Wicked Wisdom has joined the roster of this year's Ozzfest. Now that might not be newsworthy until you find out that Wicked Wisdom is actually a Christian metal band... whose lead singer happens to be Jada Pickett Smith. Yes that is Mrs. Fresh Prince of Bel Air. I think Vegas has the line set at three shows before she quits.

- Apparently the latest trend to sweep the nation is Movieoke. And it's pretty much what you think it is, karaoke with movies. Great, sign me up. I can't wait until I go, "You little son of a (expletive deleted) ball! Why you don't you just go home? That's your HOME! Are you too good for your home? ANSWER ME! SUCK MY WHITE (expletive deleted) BALL!" or "O.K., let me tell you what Like a Virgin's about. It's all about this (expletive deleted) who's a regular (expletive deleted) machine, I'm talking morning, day, night, afternoon, (a lot of expletive deleteds). Then one day she meets this John Holmes (expletive deleted) and it's like, whoa baby, I mean this cat is like Charles Bronson in The Great Escape, he's digging tunnels. Now, she's gettin' the serious (expletive deleted) action and she's feeling something she ain't felt since forever. Pain. Pain. It hurts her. It shouldn't hurt her, you know her (expletive deleted) should be Bubble Yum by now, but when this cat (expletive deleted) her it hurts. It hurts just like it did the first time. You see the pain is reminding a (expletive deleted) machine what it once was like to be a virgin. Hence, Like a Virgin." in front of a bunch of drunks. And one can hope the Fox in the future will follow up American Karaoke with American Movieoke. (Free plugs to anyone who can name one or both movie quotes. Leave your guesses in the comment section.)

- Natalie Portman has apparently came down with a case of the Sinéad O'Connor disease. It seems that she cut off her hair for a prison movie that she is doing. I was unaware that they shaved women's hair in prison, but oh well. Maybe if she was playing a cancer survivor, I'd understand the look, but not a prison inmate. This new hairstyle has dropped Portman out of my top 5. So now I will have to make an exhausting search to join Kate Bosworth, Natalie Coughlin, and the token hot chicks from Smallville and Lost. Any TV executive interested in a new reality show idea?


- Keeping with the Star Wars theme, it seems that a lot of people are drawing comparisons between Darth Vader and George W. Bush. God bless stupid people. In this scenario wouldn't that make George W. Luke Skywalker and George H.W. Bush Darth Vader? That would be backwards because George H.W. Bush was a good president and George W. Bush is the evil one. For more on this lunacy check out The Empire Strikes Bush.

- Is it just me or did the dude from Coldplay look like Schroeder from Peanuts on Saturday Night Live when he was at the piano?

- Speaking of SNL, how many more times does Horatio Sanz get to forget a line or go out of character before he gets fired? Does he have something over Loren Michaels? Does Michaels keep him on because if he gave Sanz the boot then he would have to find a token fat guy and a token Hispanic dude?

- Now I didn't watch it, and I hope none of you watched it, but I hope child welfare workers watched Britney and Kevin: Chaotic.

- There is nothing more depressing than knowing the one of the back up lip-syncers in *NSYNC actually dated #1 on Maxim’s Top 100 list I and haven’t. Shouldn’t dating a boy bander, by virtue, drop you a few notches anyways?


- It’s never a good sign when a pitcher on fantasy team gets tennis elbow from spending four hours a day e-mailing his brother. Hey, Carlos Zambrano, it’s called a telephone; I think you can afford the long distance charge. But I guess it’s my fault drafting a pitcher that is coached by Dusty Baker.

- A couple of weeks ago, it was reported that the armed forces came up way short on recruitment goal, and those enrollment may go lower. Patrick Tillman’s family is blasting the US military for giving covered up the investigation into Tillman’s death in Afghanistan. They also accuse the military of created a heroic tale about how Pat died in hopes of garnishing a patriotic response. This brings to mind Jessica Lynch who became a national hero just by being rescued. I remembered the military that rescued Jessica refuse to use a key that an Iraqi offered them because knocking the door down made a better story. It’s sad that it took ABC’s Extreme Makeover: Home Edition on Sunday to honor the true hero of that story, Lori Piestewa who gave her life in Iraq. For more on the Pat Tillman story, check out Tillman’s parents lash out at Army.

Fall 2005 TV Schedule

During my Star Wars love fest last week, the TV networks quietly announced next year's schedule, and to back up my pervious notion that the world is against me, almost all the shows I watched last year got canceled or moved to the same day and time. Before I let my faithful readers what I'll be watching next year, I like you to take a moment of silence to this season's dearly departed:

American Dreams
Joan of Arcadia
Listen Up
Tru Calling
Christopher Reeves
Ethan Rom
Boone
Genevieve Teague
Rex Van de Camp
Dennis Miller

You all will be missed, at least by me. So on to what I'll be watching next year.

Monday
8:00 - Arrested Development
8:30 - How I Met Your Mother

Arrested Development is the funniest sitcom on TV today, basically by default because the rest are absolutely horrible. I did like the uncomfortable type humor of The Office (see Tuesday), so I will give that another try. How I Met Your Mother stars Alyson Hannigan last seen on Veronica Mars (I was hoping she would join that cast but there is a good chance this show will bomb so she can join it for the second half of next season) and most famously known as the lesbian-witch on Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Oh and Doogie Howser is on it too.

Tuesday
8:00 - Bones
9:00 - My Name is Earl
9:30 - The Office

Bones is a crime drama that teams up a forensic anthropologist and an FBI agent (TV and their wacky crime drama pairings; will they ever run out?). The show stars Angel himself, David Boreanaz and Henry Walker from American Dreams. My Name is Earl is about a con man who gives up his life of crime after he wins the lottery. I have a fear, due to the name, that the show will revolve around an AA type meeting for crooks. Jason Lee, mostly known for his work with Kevin Smith, I assume plays Earl.

Wednesday
9:00 - Lost
9:00 - Veronica Mars (Tape)

Lost seems to be a magnet for my favorite shows. Last year it attracted Smallville and American Dreams, this year it is Veronica Mars. Wednesday is also the day the show that tops my "No Way You Will Ever Get Me to Watch That Crap" list with Freddie starring Freddie Prinze Jr. and David Silver (oh please let him rap on this show too). I give the show five weeks.

Thursday
8:00 - Survivor
8:00 - Smallville (Tape)
8:00 - Everybody Hates Chris (If somebody buys me another VCR)
8:00 - Alias (Might catch it on DVD)
9:00 - Everwood

OK here is where my conspiracy theory against me starts. Yeah Lost and Veronica Mars on at the same time sucks, but Thursday at 8:00 sucks massively with four shows I want to watch all on at the same time. Alias is the odd (wo)man out as I never really got in the show that much. Everyone Hates Chris (as in Rock) follows a teenager at a mostly white high school in 1982 with Rock doing his best Daniel Stern impersonation (think The Wonder Years). I might tape Reunion at 9:00 also.

Friday
Friday is where shows go to die so there is never anything worth watching on this night, especially without Joan of Arcadia. Although one show I'll love to make fun of will be The Ghost Whisperer about a newlywed who sees dead people. It stars Jennifer Love Hewitt and Aisha Tyler.

Saturday
(See Friday)

Sunday
8:00 - The Simpsons
8:30 - The War at Home
9:00 - Desperate Housewives

Michael Rapaport Alert! I don't know how this guy can still find work, but he's always good for some good unintentional comedy.


Some shows to look out for that will replace the stiffs like Freddie and The Ghost Whisperer in the midseason include:

Crumbs staring Kevin Arnold (wow, Kevin Arnold and Doogie Houser on TV at the same time. Is it 1988 again? Makes you wonder where DJ Tanner is) and Maggie Lawson who been a few failed sitcoms, Inside Schwartz and It’s All Relative, she due for a good one.

I'm not sure what Pepper Dennis is about or even who Dennis is, but it stars Rebecca Romijn (no more Stamos), Brooke Burns and Lindsay Price. And as an added bonus, it also has the dude from Boy Meets World that wasn't related to Kevin Arnold. How did he get this job?

The Unit is about Delta Force agents starring Dennis Haybert, whom I will always remember as Pedro Cerrano, but most recently he played the president on 24, the Terminator (not Arnold or the chick versions), Amy Acker, the token hot nerdy chick on Angel, and Regina King who was Mrs. Rod Tidwell.

Freebirds is about a recent college graduate who goes from big man on campus to moving back in with his parents. Stars no one in particular.

If you would like to scope out next year's schedule check out at Ain't it Cool News. Also check back later next week as I hand out awards for the 2004-05 TV season and give a few select shows a grade on my Terror Alert Scale.

Star Wars Week - May the Schwartz be with You

I'm ending Star Wars Week with a post so big, it took three days to complete it. OK the main reason it took three days is because I was miserably sick for most of it. But at least it gives me a reason to take more NyQuil (check out my obsession for NyQuil here - NyQuil, We Love You, You Giant *cough*ing Q). And what's worse, due to illness I missed the latest Star Wars. They may have to revoke my nerd card for this. With Memorial Day next weekend, I'm sure I can fit it in, but avoiding spoilers will be the hard part. Today I'll be review the perfect Star Wars parody.

As I mention in my Blazzing Saddles review, nobody does parody better than Mel Brooks, and that definitely holds true for the quintessential Star Wars parody, Spaceballs. From Princess Leia's hair head phones to Pizza the Hutt. Instead of Darth Vader there was Dark Helmet, instead of Princess Leia, there was Princess Vespa, instead of C-3PO there was Dot, instead of Chewbacca there was Barf. Instead of warp speed there was ludicrous speed. Lone Starr played like a cross between Hans Solo and Luke Skywalker (get it? Lone - Solo; Sky - Star, OK maybe I'm pushing it). And of course there was Yogurt instead of Yoda.

There were not as many great quotes as there was in Blazing Saddles but there some great quotes from Spaceballs that will live on forever. "I bet she gives great helmet." "Dark Helmet: I am your father's brother's nephew's cousin's former roommate. Lone Starr: What's that make us? Dark Helmet: Absolutely nothing!" “I see your Schwartz is as big as mine." "I knew it. I'm surrounded by idiots (Granted this the TV edit version as the movie is slightly different and does not pass the censors!" And who hasn't been robbed at gunpoint at their ATM, asks for their PIN number and answered, "1... 2... 3... 4... 5..." (Or am I the only one?)

Star Wars wasn't the only sci-fi film to get the Brooks' treatment, as Star Trek gets a slight jab as Snotty poorly beamed President Skroob down. And the alien popping out of a diner patron then puts on his own musical number. They even got the original Kane to reprise his Alien character.

Another trademark Brooks move is always going the extra mile for a joke, even if that includes braking down the fourth wall. He openly hawks Spaceballs crap (again a shot at Star Wars's marketing campaign), "Merchandising, merchandising, where the real money from the movie is made. Spaceballs-the T-shirt, Spaceballs-the Coloring Book, Spaceballs-the Lunch box, Spaceballs-the Breakfast Cereal, Spaceballs-the Flame Thrower." And when the villains have lost the heroes, they watch Spaceballs the Movie while the movie is still going on. Yogurt even mentions that he and Lone Starr will me again in Spaceballs 2: Back for More Cash, which has sadly not materialized yet. Hopefully the prequels will inspire Brooks to show us how Dark Helmet came to be.

Spaceballs gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.

Sadly I bought Spaceballs shortly before I heard they were releasing a Collector's Edition, so I just have the bare bones DVD. I'm sure I'll upgrade as soon as I see the Collector's Edition in the bargain bin.

Star Wars Week - Original Bonus Material

Day four of Star Wars Week and I’m so jealous of those that who went last night to the opening and the response is so good I wish I had blown off my commitments, or just passed on getting any sleep last night, to see it myself. But a wise man once told me tomorrow is only a day away. Today I’ll be looking at the bonus material on the DVD set of the original trilogy. This includes about 5642 different trailers for the three films (give or take 1000, but there are quite a few of them), a massive photo gallery, a behind the scenes preview of Episode III (it has nothing new so I’ll refrain reviewing of it), a demo of the game Star Wars: Battlefront (my lack of an Xbox keep me from playing it), and a few documentaries that included:

The Characters of Star Wars

This was a documentary that chronicled the many changes that some of the characters of Star Wars went through from Lucas’ first conception until they finally made it onto the screen. Most interesting was that Darth Vader was given a mask late because the designer realized that he need a way to breath in a scene where he was walking in space. This then led the most memorable part of Darth Vader, his breathing. Another change that made me giggle was that Luke Skywalker was originally supposed to be a midget. Oh, how that would have been a different movie then. The most interesting par of this documentary was when Peter Jackson, of Lord of the Rings fame, said that 25 year later, most people don’t remember the special effect of Star Wars, it the character that have stuck in people’s minds. That may be the problem of the prequels is that Lucas cared more about the special effects than he did developing the characters.

The Birth of the Lightsaber

Here Lucas tells how he came up with the idea of the lightsaber and how he executed that on film. It was very interesting to see the split screen of a fight with the rough fighting and that with the special effects put in. The highlight though is how they came up with the sound of the lightsaber, a sound that every little kid has tried to emulate, or still does. Watching film of the guy creating the sound is worth the price of the set alone. As the credits roll we get to see Star Wars as seen through the eyes of the Simpsons and Futurerama. Again very entertaining.

The Force is with Them: The Legacy of Star Wars

Here we have filmmakers such as James Cameron, Ridley Scott, Peter Jackson, and John Singleton talking about their first experiences with seeing Star Wars. Then they talked about how the movie inspired their own movies such as Titanic, Alien, Lord of the Rings, and Boyz in da Hood. OK, Singleton seemed to be missing from this part. Basically this featurette was a fifteen minute love fest for George Lucas.

Empire of Dreams

I haven’t gotten around to watching this part yet as it is so long that it is the first documentary that I’ve seen that actually has its own chapter selection. Check back later for this review.

Star Wars Week - Bounty Hunter Review

I've collected Star Wars videogames ever since the Atari days. Some were better than other, but LucasArts has hit its stride putting out entertaining games one after another. I have yet to get the Revenge of the Sith tie in game as I'm avoiding all types of spoilers until I have seen the movie. Sadly that won't be tonight, but I will be seeing it this weekend. Don't expect a review of it either as will be too tempted to spoil things myself. Expect a full review when the DVD comes out. But back to the videogame theme, my favorite game that has anything to do with the movies is Star Wars: Bounty Hunter. And yes, I did get a copy with the Limited Edition Cover Art (not pitcured above). Granted it's only special in that it has Limited Edition Cover Art written on it and a different, yet cooler, picture of a close up shot of Jango Fett's helmet. Here's a review.

One of the most popular characters from the original trilogy was the bounty hunter Boba Fett. And being one not to pass up a marketing goldmine, George Lucas brought back Boba back for the prequels, showing up in Episode II: Attack of the Clones as the only son of another bounty hunter, Jango Fett, the prototype fore thousand or possibly millions of clones that populate the end of the movie. Star Wars: Bounty Hunter actually takes place between Episode I and Episode II and shows why Jango was chosen as the template for the clone army. The storyline of Bounty Hunter starts off with Count Dooku hiring most relentless bounty hunters to hunt down and deal with a rogue dark Jedi who threatens Darth Sidious' master plan. And whoever succeeds with then become that spawns the clone army. And for anyone who has seen Episode II knows who is going to win (or anyone who was paying attention earlier in this post). But knowing the outcome doesn't ruin the game.

The game play in the game is really smooth. The best part of the game play is Jango’s jetpack. If you get ambushed, all you have to do is power your jetpack backwards and shoot your enemy with your blasters. Other weapons that Jango uses throughout the game are missiles, a whipcord (think Indiana Jones) toxic darts, grenades, and a sniper rifle. How Jango can keep all of these at the same time is beyond me, but I’m glad he can. And since he has some extra time, there are a few bounties that Jango can pick up in each level which he can spot with his ID Scanner. Granted this option is a little tricky switching to this and back to the weapons with ease. But once you capture some one, or some thing, you unlock bonus material including outtakes and concept art.

Since Jango is not the only bounty hunter hired by Dooku, he is frequently running into his competition, Montross, who cares more about the kill than he does the money and Komari Vosa, a former Padawan. Jango even pick up an ally in Zam Wesell, who makes a brief cameo in the beginning of Episode II. He is also helped out by Rozatta, who is basically a female equivalent to Watto, Anakin’s former owner. Jabba the Hutt even makes a brief appearance. On his journey, Jango visits such planets as Coruscant and Tatooine.

Star Wars: Bounty Hunter gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.

Star Wars Week - Clone Wars Review

It seems that Statboy^* may not have done a very good setting the line in yesterday's Over/Under. There were a lot of over guesses. If you still want to play along, just scroll down a little and enter your guesses in the comment section. In today’s installment of Star Wars Week, I'll be looking at Star Wars: Clone Wars vol. 1 on DVD and also vol. 2, which has yet to find its way to DVD yet.

When I first heard that George Lucas was going to be doing a cartoon version of Star Wars I was a little hesitant. Then I heard that it was going to chronicle the Clone Wars and I put my nerd hat back on. The Clone Wars in the Star Wars mythology was a massive war that brought the rise of the Empire and the demise of the Jedi. Not even the prequel haters can complain about this. Then I heard that the episodes would clock in at 4 minutes. I've urinated longer than that. And so the nerd hat came off. That's a lot to ask to tune in for 5 minutes at 8:00, the start of the primetime. But I guess that why they invented TIVO (not that I'm cool enough to have a TIVO, I instead had to use the VCR). After watching the first couple episodes, the nerd hat came back on.

First thing I noticed about the Clone Wars series was that Lucas alleviated the number one problem that has plagued most of the movies, ear bleeding dialogue. A majority of the episode go without any talking. The major storyline involved Obi-Wan Kenobi and Anakin Skywalker trying to take another world back for the Republic. But Mace Windu, Padme with her droids, and Yoda get their own screen time. Even little known Jedis Kit Fisto (an underwater, Bob Marley look-alike) and Luminara Unduli get their own mini-episodes.

The best part of the Clone Wars are the introductions (and sometimes demises) of some of the baddest characters in the Star Wars lexicon with all due respect to Darths Maul and Vader. Durge, with his flair for medieval battle, wipes out a bunch of clones with his lance easily. Plus his Terminator (Robert Patrick version) like tendencies makes him very hard to kill. Asajj Ventress is a (wannabe?) Sith whose is hired by Lord Dooku to be a thorn in Anakin's side. And the last episode features the baddest of them all, General Grievous, the only non Jedi or Sith that uses a lightsaber. And as an added bonus, he's also the only character that can wield three at one time. Grievous is the only baddy here that will make an appearance in Episode III, and I am interested in seeing how the pull him off on the big screen, especially the three lightsaber trick.

There were a few unintentionally funny things that happened during the Clone Wars. First has to be the appearance of Shaggy, of Scooby Doo fame making an appearance as a Padawan. I had to watch this a couple time because I though the Scooby Snack I was eating were making me hallucinate. Secondly, I cannot get enough of Yoda riding on his mini-horse, it good for a chuckle. Also, for reason unbeknownst to anyone, the started out the four minute episodes with a "previously on" montage and ended each with a "on the next Clone Wars." These end up being almost as long as the actual episodes.

Don't check out the Clone Wars vol. 1 expecting any furthering of any of the movie's plot points. Aside from the appearance of Grievous, there is nothing here that gives us any insight on what will happen in the future. Also, don't expect to hear Natalie Portman or any of the stars voices on the DVD as only Anthony Daniels lend the orginal voice to his cartoon counterpoint as C-3PO. The thing that irritated me most is in one of the documentaries on the DVD; Lucas stated that the Clone Wars were the most exciting part of the Star Wars universe. If that is so, why did you not make a movie about it then? He should have scraped The Phantom Menace, make The Attack of the Clones Episode I, and the Clone Wars Episode II.

Star Wars: Clone Wars vol. 1 gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.

---

Not yet on DVD yet is Clone Wars vol. 2. Now we get five fifteen minute episode instead of 20 four minute like vol. 1. Vol. 2 starts off with a lot more dialogue than the first but luckily this trails off and we are left with more action in the latter episode. They were also were able to sneak in a little love story into one of the episodes. Also this season better bridges to Episode III with General Grievous kidnapping Supreme Chancellor Palpatine and Anakin becoming a Jedi Knight. I will wait until the DVD release for a more thorough review or rating it.

Star Wars Week - Over/Under

To start off Star Wars Week here on the 9^th Green, I thought I start it off with a little game of Over/Under. For those who are unaware how to play, here are the rules. The commissioner will provide you with a number and an explanation of what the number represents. Then you go into the comments section and guess whether you think the actual number will be over or under the number provide (an example is provided in the comment section). And unless your name is Michael Wilbon, you are not allowed to push (pick the number provided). Also, I have not read the book, played the game, seen an advanced screening, and I have avoided spoilers the best I can, so if you know the answers to the following, please do not ruin it for the rest of us please. Now on to the game:

It's time for the game that's seeping the nation, Over/Under. Let's get our first number from the commissioner, Statboy^*.

1. 3 - Total screen time in minutes for Darth Vader
   
2. 10 - Total Jedi killed onscreen
   
3. 5 - Number of original trilogy references not already mentioned in Episodes 1 or 2.
   
4. $30,141,471- Domestic opening day gross (This is how much Episode II grossed, Episode I took in $28,542,349)
   
5. 20 - The number of years before Star Wars Episode VII is released.
   

^*Statboy, Pardon the Interruption, and ESPN are in no way affiliated with Scooter McGavin's 9^th Green.

Record Executives Are Shady II

An update to my earlier rant. I just recieved this e-mail from the support:

Thank you for contacting us, Scooter. We appreciate your purchase of the Dave Matthews Band CD and will be happy to assist you with the music transfer.

Please follow the instructions below in order to move your content into iTunes and onto an iPod:

If you have a Mac computer you can copy the songs using your iTunes Player as you would normally do.



If you have a PC place the CD into your computer and allow the CD to automatically start. If the CD does not automatically start, open your Windows Explorer, locate the drive letter for your CD drive and double-click on the LaunchCD.exe file located on your CD.

Once the application has been launched and the End User License Agreement has been accepted, you can click the Copy Songs button on the top menu.

Follow the instructions to copy the secure Windows Media Files (WMA) to your PC. Make a note of where you are copying the songs to, you will need to get to these secure Windows Media Files in the next steps.

Once the WMA files are on your PC you can open and listen to the songs with Windows Media Player 9.0 or higher. You may also play them in any compatible player that can play secure Windows Media files, such as MusicMatch, RealPlayer, and Winamp, but it will require that you obtain a license to do so. To obtain this license, from the Welcome Screen of the user interface, click on the link below the album art that says If your music does not play in your preferred player, click here. Follow the instructions to download the alternate license.

Using Windows Media Player only, you can then burn the songs to a CD. Please note that in order to burn the files, you need to upgrade to or already have Windows Media Player 9 or greater.

Once the CD has been burned, place the copied CD back into your computer and open iTunes. iTunes can now rip the songs as you would a normal CD.

Please note an easier and more acceptable solution requires cooperation from Apple, who we have already reached out to in hopes of addressing this issue. To help speed this effort, we ask that you use the following link to contact Apple and ask them to provide a solution that would easily allow you to move content from protected CDs into iTunes or onto your iPod rather than having to go through the additional steps above. http://www.apple.com/feedback/ipod.html



Please let us know if we can assist you further.



Thank you.

Rob

SunnComm Tech Support


So they want me to copy my CD, then rip my burned CD onto iTunes? That would take about an hour to do all that. Or it might just be easier just to take the mp3 from my favorite peer to peer client in a matter of seconds. And what are we, the iPod/iTunes users suposed to do with the burned CD? We might as well give away that worthless CD, which in turn will make BMG lose money, the original reason for them to put the copyrighted material on the CD in the first place. So hats off to you, the BMG executive who came up with this idea because, you, my sir, are a moron.

Record Executives Are Shady

I wrote a little extra to the Dave Matthews Band, Stand Up review (scroll down for that) but I left it out because I thought that my rant would take away from the music. So I saved that rant for today. First of all, I'd like to point out that the title was lifted from A Tribe Called Quest song and I found no bigger example than when I got the DMB CD. So when I got my copy in the mail, the first thing I noticed when I opened the package was a sticker on the CD stating

This CD is protected against unauthorized duplication. It is designed to play on standard playback devices and an appropriately configured computer (see system requirements on back), If you have questions or concerns visit www.sunncomm.com/support/bmg.

And when you flip the CD case over, I literally had to grab a magnifying glass to read the extremely small type. Great, thank for sharing that information with me before I actually bought it.

Eventually I pop the CD into my computer, because I do have the system requirement stated on the back, because I want to put some of the songs on my iPod. First the BMG Digital Content End User License Agreement comes up (and this comes up EVERY time you put the CD into your computer). It tells me "This CD contains digital music files and related content (Digital Content) as a bonus for you, the End User (End User or you)." And after the usual "We will sue you and all known (and some unknown) relatives if you let anyone else even listen to this CD" I clicked the "I accept the terms of this agreement" button. This only led to a caution that read, "Your computer may have problems reading this CD. Please eject and re-insert the CD." After trying this about ten times. Then finally my valuable license was transferred from my CD to my computer (and this happens EVERY time). So now after about of a half an hour, I can finally copy the songs I want. Then I go to transfer the songs into iTunes but it told me that it doesn't read Windows Media Files, do you want to convert them to mp3. Well, duh. Aww, but you can't convert WMF's that are protected.

So it's time to check out to the pre-for mentioned web address that I'm supposed to go to for questions or concerns. And low and behold the page features this:

Can I transfer MediaMax digital audio files to my iPod?
Apple's proprietary technology doesn't support secure music formats other than their own, and therefore the secure music file formats on this disc can't be directly imported into iTunes or iPods. While these discs aren't currently compatible with iTunes or iPod, we are actively working on an acceptable solution, and have reached out to Apple in hopes of addressing this issue. To help speed this effort, we ask that you use the following link to contact Apple and ask them to provide a solution that would easily allow you to move content from protected CDs into iTunes or onto your iPod: http://www.apple.com/feedback/ipod.html

Wait why should I have to write Apple to change their stuff? You should have remedied the problem BEFORE you released any of the CD's with this embedded into it. But they go on:

Even though there is no direct support on the disc for iTunes or iPod, SONY BMG has worked out a way for consumers to move content into these environments, despite the challenges noted above. If you'd like more information on how to move content to iTunes please CLICK HERE.

So I clicked there and sent a question about how I can get the album onto my iPod. But since I didn't get a response within 30 seconds, I thought I'd do a little research. So I took a look into my favorite former illegal music-transferring program. And wouldn’t you guess, you can easily download the whole album with little fuss. So thanks a lot BMG, you royally pissed off all of your music buying customers to keep people from stealing the music, but you failed miserably. I also have a feeling that it is not a coincidence that this new technology coincides with the first time a Dave Matthews Band album was availably on iTunes. So they want you to buy the album twice, the CD and digitally.

So in closing I'd like to say screw you BMG, I will no longer buy any more of your CD's.

Bring That Beat Back to Me Again

It's the last day of Dave Matthews Week here on the 9th Green and today is what inspired the whole specialty week, the review of the latest Dave Matthews Band Album. So here it is.

At the start of the new Dave Matthews Band album, Stand Up, we are treated to a pseudo-choir intro followed by the fluff love song, Dreamgirl which is reminiscent to the giddy in love songs that were more prevalent in the early years. In the song, it sound like if Dave is repenting for the creepy stacker guy from Crash into Me. "I was feeling like a creep as I watched you asleep, Face down in the grass in the middle of a hot afternoon. Your top was united and I thought how nice it would be to follow the sweat down your spine."

American Baby, the first single, sounds like something left over from the Everyday sessions. It is a hopeful song about some one trying to hold onto love in the mist of chaos. "Nobody's laughing now, God's grace lost and the devil is proud. But I've been walking for a thousand miles just one last time, I could see you smile."

The album as a whole has a more soulful feel to it than the previous album and the reason most likely is due to the new producer, Mark Baston, who is Dr. Dre's long time bassist and contributor and has worked with all of Dre's protégés. Baston's influence in most prevalent than on the song Smooth Rider. Every time I hear the opening organ to the song, which Baston plays, I can't help but to think of the Dr. Dre produced B Please. It also might be at Baston's behalf that more piano playing has crept into this album, which was split between Matthews, Baston, and longtime DMB touring pianist, Butch Taylor.

The highlight of the album is surprisingly sparse Out of my Hands. The song features Dave on the piano and not much else. The song starts out with a solitary note played over and over again. Then as more notes are added to the solitary note, Dave begins to sing, "On the window ledge I don't feel safe, stay looking down you. It's out of my hands for now." The creepy song sounds like a soundtrack to a suspenseful movie where we, the audience, are let in on the big reveal in slow-motion. I'm not sure why this was not saved for another solo album as Boyd and LeRoi are nowhere to be found, but I'm glad that it's found its way on to an album.

Speaking of soundtracks, Louisiana Bayou sounds as if it's hoping for a Waterboy sequel so it can be the centerpiece of that film. Another song deeply rooted in the south is Stolen Away on 55th & 3rd. A soothing song about regretting to approach a women, "Saw you there dancing and I was afraid, I might get in the way." Any guy who has pined for a girl at a high school dance or a club, and that is certainly me, can relate to this song.

At first listen to Stand Up, I knew there was something wrong with it. Like How to Dismantle an Atomic Bomb before, the problem is that their is not that song (or more) that I instantly latch on and think "that is the song I be listening to obsessively for months." Granted there are songs on the U2 album that has since grown on me and that may happen for Stand Up. The other problem I noticed with the album is, that like Everyday, Boyd and LeRoi seem to be pushed to the background with them missing completely from one song. But like Everyday, I hope them get to shine more once they start performing the songs live.

Stand Up gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.

Since I bought Stand Up through the official DMB store, I received a limited edition CD with my purchase, along with a Stand Up sticker. On it, it has two previously unreleased studio tracks, Joyride and Trouble with You. Also, it has live versions of Recently, Crash into Me, and Hello Again. The CD is worth it for Joy Ride which includes the lines, "If you're lost, I got a bobblehead Jesus. And all it cost you, get on your knees," and, later in the song he also offers you a bobblehead Buddha for good measure.

DMB Week - Best Live Albums

We are already on day four of Dave Matthews Band Week and today I will be counting down the top five live albums that are available for sale. Just to clear things up, Live at Luther College has been excluded from this list because it did not include the whole band. With that said, on to the list.

5. DMB Live Trax vol. 2 (Golden Gate Park, San Francisco, CA 9/12/2004) - This the second concert that was offered exclusively threw the bands official music store. On the three disc set include The Best of What's Around, The Stone, Jimi Thing (with parts of For What it's Worth thrown in for good measure), Stay (Wasting Time), and #41. This concert also featured Carlos Santana on two songs, a new one called Sugar Hill and All Along the Watchtower. Other new songs include Joy Ride and Hello Again.

4. Live in Chicago (The United Center, Chicago, IL, 12/19/98) - This concert featured longtime DMB contributor, Tim Reynolds throughout the whole concert on the electric guitar, his best work coming on All Along the Watchtower (including the intro) . No DMB concert in December is complete without Christmas Song which is included. Other highlights on the two disc are Don't Drink the Water, #40, and the obscure over song, The Maker, originally done by Daniel Lanois.

3. Live at Folsom Field (Folsom Field, Boulder, CO, 7/11/01) - Even though there are a few songs off the Everyday album here, many of them transfer well live. The two disc concert also features Butch Taylor on keyboards as well as some background singers added to Stay (Wasting Time) which only sounds good with background singers. Other highlights are When the World Ends, Warehouse (I believe this is the first time I heard the "woo's" added to the opening), Bartender and Ants Marching.

2. The Central Park Concert (Central Park, New York City, NY 9/24/03) - Butch Taylor once again shows up at this concert along with special guest Warren Haynes, of The Allman Brothers Band or Gov't Mule fame, who plays on the Neil Young classic Cortez, the Spider and Jimi Thing. Some other highlights on this three disc set include Don't Drink the Water, Granny, Warehouse, Dancing Nancies, and When the World Ends among others.

1. Listener Supported (Continental Airlines Arena, East Rutherford, NJ 9/11/99) - If you only buy one live album, this is the one to get Rapunzel, The Stone, #41, Warehouse, #40, and Don't Drink the Water are all on this two CD set. The pinnacle of this concert is the inclusion of the old Johnny Cash song, Long Black Veil. Dave and the boys turn the country song in a slow gospel type song punctuated by Butch Taylor on the keyboards and background singers adding some extra layers to the song. The background singers also show up on Stay (Wasting Time) which always sound better with them. This is also the first time I heard Dave add the Dixie Chicken line to Crash into Me.

DMB Week - Best Songs

On day three of Dave Matthews Week, I will be chronicling my top ten favorite songs that have ever been on one of their albums. I'm sure this list can change from week to week, but here are my current favorites.

10. Crash into Me (Crash) - I know I have poked fun at the female's pension to make this stacker's ode "Their Song" but it is easy to see how many people can construe it as being romantic, nursery rhyme ending and all.

9. Don't Drink the Water (Before These Crowded Streets) - DMB's rare political-themed song. As a history/political buff, I love any venture into this realm. The best part of the song is the ending, "I live with my justice..."

8. # 41 (Crash) - Say Goodbye should get a mention too as the transition between the two songs is what help put the song into the top ten. #41 by itself is a great jam to the point that I'm still not entirely sure what the song's about, and I don't really care.

7. Recently (Remember Two Thing/Recently) - Love the lyrics to this song, especially the opening, "Recently I've been all of content and dreaming I have been."

6. Jimi Thing (Under the Table and Dreaming) - A light jam that is good for any occasion.

5. Best of What's Around (Under the Table and Dreaming) - Again, the lyrics do it for me on this one. I've used this some too many times (along with Say Goodbye) on my female friends. "See, you and me have a better time than most can dream, have it better than the best."

4. The Stone (Before These Crowded Streets) - The song starts off with a soaring strings section then transitions to Boyd alone on his violin. The song peaks with the line, "I was just wondering if you come along", a "You had me at hello" moment for me. The song goes off into a state after Dave's done singing only to be interrupted by a ferocious ending.

3. You Never Know (Busted Stuff) - The high placing of this song is in part due to the line, "Everyday should be a good day to die." This isn't macabre to me, instead it means that if you live you life to the fullest, if you die today, it will have been a good life, because you never know when it's your time to go. I like listing to this song when I'm feeling uninspired or unmotivated.

2. Warehouse (Recently/Under the Table and Dreaming) - The opening to this song is perfect and only gets better when it is being played live. Again I not exactly sure what the song is about, but as long as I can go "Woo" when they play it live, I'm fine with it.

1. Grace is Gone (The Lillywhite Sessions/Busted Stuff) - As I have state earlier in the week, I prefer the Lillywhite Sessions version of this song. My major problem with the version on Busted Stuff is that it was turned into a country song. Grace is Gone is a pitifully sad song that plays like the soundtrack of closing time for me, and most every bar patron. "Neon sign threw smoky eyes again, it's three A.M. and I'm drunk again. It ways heavy on my mind."

Bonus. Granny - This song has never been released on a studio album but can be found on a couple live albums or threw the internet. A must have for a true fan.

DMB Week - My History

It's day two of Dave Matthews Band Week here on the 9th Green. If you missed day one, just scroll down for my ranking of their albums. Today I will be giving the history of Dave Matthews Band through my eyes, so sit back and enjoy.

Like many outside the southern east coast, my first experience with the Dave Matthews Band was when I first saw the video for What Would You Say. And I can't say it was a good first impression. It was just a bunch of weird dudes repeating lines such as "Mom, it's my birthday, would you say." And I said I don't get it. It's because of that I gave little notice to the follow up single, Ants Marching. It wasn't until the release of Satellite, with the dude from Roseanne in the video that I started taking notice. It was a great song with a soothing melody and a great interplay between the violin and sax. Then during a conversation with a high school buddy, I made a fleeting comment that I don't own their CD, and then low and behold, I received Under the Table and Dreaming for my birthday weeks later. One listen and I was hooked playing the album obsessively.

Within weeks, the next album, Crash came out and I snapped it up the first day. Not as good as the first one but still spent plenty of time in the CD player. Crash also served as a good Barry White substitute for a while with great in the mood songs like Crash into Me and Say Goodbye.

From there, it was time to hunt down the independent releases. First there was Remember Two Things, with a cover that features one of those posters that were big in the mid-90's (I can't believe they weren't featured on either I Love the 90's programs) that you were supposed to stare at to see the image. I, to this day, have not been able to see anything. But I digress. Next came Recently with a killer version of All Along the Watchtower that sounds nothing like the Dylan or Hendrix versions. The album also featured the great Halloween that could legitimately be considered a heavy metal song. I also started picking up the live albums that come out between studio albums. They seem to put out more in-between album more frequently lately.

Their next album, Before These Crowded Streets, put the DMB in the rare Lifetime First Day Club, where from each album there after, I will buy the new album the first day it is available. Currently only U2, Eric Clapton, and the Beastie Boys are the only members.

I also saw my first like DMB concert around this time. I got to see the show just a few rows back from the stage on the right side. The luck chick I was with even got to meet Dave before the show. There is no better way to start a concert than with Don't Drink the Water. This first show ranks as the second best live show I have ever been to (Clapton is #1). I also pick out a shirt at that concert that just had the initials DMB on it that would later be referred to as my DuMB shirt as one of my friends thought it said.

After the relatively dark Before These Crowded Street, the boys went back into the studio to start on a new album with longtime producer, Steve Lillywhite. Near the completion of the album, somebody (Dave? The record company?) decided the album was too dark and put it on the self and the band instead started writing songs with Glen Ballard. And we all know how that turned out. Luckily some how the Lillywhite Sessions, as it has commonly become to be called, surfaced on the internet before Everyday was released. When Everyday was finally released, everyone was left wondering why did they scrap the Lillywhite Sessions for this? Luckily, the most of the songs were later dusted off and made up most of the album, Busted Stuff. Granted Grace is Gone and Bartender sounded better on the Lillywhite Sessions.

And that leads us to today, the release of the new album, Stand Up. I'm still giving it a thorough listen and will have a review for it by the end of the week. Hopefully you picked up a copy for yourself today. Also take a look at the iTunes offer of the week below for a link to the album, the first time a DMB album has been available for download.

DMB Week - Ranking the Albums

It's the start of Dave Matthews Band Week here on the 9th Green in celebration of tomorrow's release of the new album, Stand Up. I've already taken a listen to it thanks to VH1 and my preliminary assessment is a good one. The full review will cap off the end of DMB Week. In today's installment, I'll be counting down the all of the studio albums, so no live albums (that will be coming later in the week). Also no Remember Two Things, Recently, or Lillywhite Sessions as most of those songs show up on the major label releases.

5. Which one of these is not like the others? Three minute pop songs, little violin and saxes, Glen Ballard; all this adds up to not your typical DMB album. It's safe to say that this album scrapes the bottom of every DMB fan's list. It almost plays like like a Dave Matthews solo album, except Dave's real solo album is better than this. But there are some good songs here, When the World Ends grew on me after it originally pissed me off that it ended abruptly. I at first thought my CD was defective. It wasn't until I heard the song live that I realized "When the world ends, and the world ended before the song ends." Everyday also spawned the best DMB video for the title track with the creepy fat dude (currently seen in Project Greenlight - reminder, the season finale is this Thursday) who went around hugging everyone.

4. The first half of Crash is as good as the best of them, but I feel the second falls flat. Crash, of course has the big song, Crash Into Me. A song that every girl of my generation is obsessed with and wants it to be Their Song at her wedding yet doesn't realize the song was written through the eyes of a stacker. "Oh I watch you there through the window and I stare at you. You wear nothing, but you wear it so well." The album closer, Proudest Monkey, ranks as my least favorite DMB song of all time. On the other side, #41 transitioning into Say Goodbye is one of my all time favorite DMB moments which I'll go into greater detail during my greatest songs countdown later this week.

3. The reason why the Lillywhite Sessions was excluded from this list is because, for all intents and purposes, they are essentially the same album. And since most songs were salvaged from the pre-Everyday Littlywhite Sessions (check back later this week for a DMB history for an explanation), Busted Stuff makes a good title. One of the few truly new songs from the album, You Never Know has one of my favorite lines from a DMB song, "Everyday should be a good day to die." The two best songs on the album, Grace is Gone, the saddest song Dave ever wrote, and Bartender do actually sound better on the Lillywhite Session, but a good listen on either album nonetheless.

2. Surprising that my deep hatred for Alanis Morissette, who appears on two songs, didn't put Before These Crowded Streets at a disadvantage on this list. The album seems darker than the previous one with moody songs as apparent by the first single, Don't Drink the Water, which had a video that featured the head of Dave missing its body. The album didn't get much cheerier from there with The Last Stop, The Stone, and the darkest of them all, Halloween (which was dusted off from the earlier Recently album). One of the few upbeat songs is Stay (Wasting Time), which is highlighted with a group of background singers, the song just doesn't sound as good live with out them. Also to add to the ambiance of the album is a few short instrumental songs that take place in between songs. That is something I wish the band would bring back.

1. The album that started it all, at least for us who live outside of the southern east coast. It took me a while to be sold on DMB and once I got this CD as a gift, it was hard to bet out of my CD player, and still gets heavy rotation even today. Definitely more upbeat than Before These Crowded Streets, Under the Table and Dreaming has a positive feel to it as heard in the opener The Best of What's Around, as well as the singles Satellite and Ants Marching. There is not a song that I even have the notion to skip over on hear. When I countdown my Top 10 songs, UTTAD will have the most entries in it. The songs themselves are getting better with age too as songs like Warehouse and Jimi Thing take on new lives at concerts these days. The album caps off with #34, also the 34th track so make sure you stick around, an instrumental that is so light, it almost serves as a lullaby, a great ending to their best album.

Be sure to stop back tomorrow for day two of Dave Matthews Band Week. Also tomorrow is the release date for Stand Up, so make sure you pick it up and if you can't wait, stop over at VH1 to stream the album in it entirety. Also feel free to leave a comment listing how you would rank the albums.

We're Just Ordinary People

You may not recognize the name John Legend, but there is a good chance that you have heard his voice or heard him play piano on songs by Lauryn Hill, Alicia Keys, and Kanye West. West has since signed Legend to be the flagship to his record label and produced his solo debut, Get Lifted. One thing that has ruined R&B in recent years is the major rap influence (are you taking note Mariah?). And even though West's influence can be heard throughout the album, Get Lifted isn't bogged down in an exaggerated bass line or drum loops and Legend's piano take center stage on most songs much like Alicia Keys, the only other R&B singer today that worth listening to today. Even raps by West and Snoop Dogg don't overshadow Legend.

The running theme on Get Lifted is relationships to the point where it almost a concept album. Within those relationships, cheating comes up allot. The theme starts off with the kiss-off, Used to Love U, a song where Legend dumps a materialistic girlfriend. The song spawns the greatest lyric from the album, "Maybe I should rob somebody so we could live like Whitney and Bobby." Alright is where Legend tries to get on the relationship horse again. And it's alright is the girl already has a boyfriend. He continues to pursue the girl with She Don't Have to Know again trying to a girl to cheat, explaining that he's doing the some thing to his current significant other.

The next four songs Number One featuring Kanye West, I Can Change featuring Snoop Dogg, Ordinary People, and Stay with You, Legend try to repent for his past transgressions. Number One starts off, "Now you can't say I don't love you just because I cheat on you." Now if only I can find a woman that will buy that kind of line. The interesting part of I Can Change is how believable Legend is but you almost have to chuckle when Snoop tries to convince his girl. This is highlighted by the lines, "You make me want to lay down my pimpin' and step my love game up. I can make your zoom zoom go boom boom." There is nothing more romantic than quoting old Wreckx-N-Effect songs. Things get slowed down with Ordinary People where Legend does his best Donnie Hathaway impression. This song is also the highlight of the album where it's just Legend and his piano on the song.

The last part the album seems to be more influenced by his family. It Don't Have to Change featuring the Stephens Family (Legend's original last name is Stephens) seems like a more soulful version of Kanye West's Family Business. Overall, Get Lifted is a solid debut and a must have for any true fan of soul music.

Get Lifted gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.

Musings From the Back 9 vol. III

- Is there anything more annoying than the person who stands in the same place in the supermarket for minutes at a time blocking you from the Ho-Ho's that would take you a second to pick up?

- All video game nerds need to check out this movie. Warning, pop some popcorn, this is going to take awhile: PSP vs. Everyone

- Jeb Bush, with the NRA by his side, recently passed the "fight force with force" law. Great. I can't wait on my next vacation to accidentally bump into a native only for him to pull out an AK and put more holes in me than Swiss cheese. I guess Jeb isn’t a Christian like his brother because true Christians turn the other cheek. Wait, George doesn’t really turn the other cheek much either. For more on this story check out - Law Lets Floridians `Meet Force With Force'

- Sticking with the armpit of America, Florida officials said that a fourteen orphan is not mature enough to have an abortion. Great rational until some one asks, "is a fourteen year old mature enough to have a baby."

- With the last two items, one has to wonder what is going on down in Florida? Add to the list Shivo, Elian Gonzalez, voter fraud, girls gone wild, hurricanes. What was the one constant for all of this? Yeah, you guessed it, Jeb Bush. I'm not into conspiracy theories, but I have a feeling there might be a correlation. (I guess conspiracy theories aren’t that bad when I'm the one to start them.)

- The most interesting aspect of the Runaway Bride episode is, aside it surprisingly has nothing to do with Florida, is that the bride said her kidnappers were Hispanic. Fake assailants were typically reserved for African Americans, but this is what happens when you become the largest minority. So congratulation Hispanics, you have become the biggest target for racism.

- I recently have seen a slew of teenagers wears shirt that read, "Don't blame me, blame my parents." How do they get away with wearing this? Do these kids actually do their own laundry because I know from experience that I never saw my "Just Do Me" shirt again after the first time I put in the laundry bin.



- I'm sure that everyone has seen this picture by now. Bushites people have explain that it is a custom in Saudi Arabia. But Bush is not Arab, he's American. And in America, when two dudes hold hands, they are considered gay homosexuals. And Howard Dean wanted to be the first gay President. I guess you are too late Mr. Yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.

- So Kellen Winslow might have a torn ACL and be out for another season. Thanks Butch Davis. So we wasted a first round and a second round pick for a moron who was so willing to ignore his contract. And what was he doing at Cuyahoga Community College? If you are going to something stupid, at least do it at a real college.

- Dave Matthews Band week starts in two day. For those that want an early jump, VH1 is streaming their new album Stand Up.

If I Could Be…

Aaron tagged me, so here I go!

Rules: What follows is a list of different occupations. You must select at least five of them. You may add more if you like to your list before you pass it on (after you select five of the items as it was passed to you). Of the five you selected, you are to finish each phrase with what you would do as a member of that profession. Then pass it on to three other bloggers.

Here’s that list:
If I could be a scientist… If I could be a farmer…
If I could be a musician… If I could be a doctor…
If I could be a painter… If I could be a gardener…
If I could be a missionary… If I could be a chef…
If I could be an architect… If I could be a linguist…
If I could be a psychologist… If I could be a librarian…
If I could be an athlete… If I could be a lawyer…
If I could be an innkeeper… If I could be a professor…
If I could be a writer… If I could be a backup dancer…
If I could be a goonie… If I could be a spy…
If I could be a llama-rider… If I could be a bonnie pirate…
If I could be a midget stripper… If I could be a proctologist…
If I could be a TV-Chat Show host… If I could be an actor…
If I could be a judge… If I could be a Jedi…
If I could be a mob boss…If I could be a backup singer…
If I could be a CEO…If I could be a hobbit…
If I could be a movie reviewer… If I could be a monkey’s uncle…
If I could be a gangster… If I could be Miss America…

Here are my choices:

If I could be a musician... I would be a backpack rapper. For reference, check out albums by A Tribe Called Quest or Kanye West. These are rappers that concentrate more on lyrics than the beats and don't need to rap about how hard they are or how much bling they have, which has sadly dominated the rap scene lately.

If I could be a backup dancer… I would backup Mandy Moore hoping to be her own personal Kevin Spears. Hopefully unlike Brittney, Mandy doesn't turn into white trash after we start to hook up. A side note, I once met, and hit on Mandy Moore not knowing who she was. Had I only asked for her number back then.

If I could be a writer… I would write the greatest musical ever written. That shouldn't be too hard considering 99% of musicals are absolutely horrible. And yes, I do have the idea of what it will be about and no, I won't tell you. All I need to help me is a chance meeting with Lionel Ritchie so he can be the Rogers to my Hammerstein. Or Hammerstein to my Rodger, I can remember which one did what. I wonder if they will ever do a Project Greenlight type show for musicals.

If I could be an actor… I would want to be Dr, Venkman in a remake of Ghostbusters. He gets slimed, covered in marshmallow, and he gets the girl (Kate Bosworth would play the Sigourney Weaver part.) I may have to write a role for myself in my musical too.

If I could be a painter… I would be Bob Ross. A white man's afro. Happy little trees. No mistakes, just happy accidents. How great would that be? Except for that whole being dead part.

Now it’s my turn to tag someone. I choose…

Vryce
P!nk
Martyn