The Five Most Anticipated Albums of Summer 2012

Usually I start off my quarterly music preview by complaining about the lack of good albums, but something strange happened last month, there was actually a dearth a good music released. And though the summer months may not see as many as we did in May, there may still be plenty of worthy music to bump at you cookouts and bonfires this year. Here are the five I am most looking forward to followed by a rundown of what else is coming your way soon. Click the album name (or cover art) to preorder on Amazon or click the artist's name to be taken to their iTunes page.

1. Handwritten – The Gaslight Anthem (July 24): Nas (who is also on this list) famously declared a couple years back that hip-hop was dead. Of course it was not dead, it was just bastardized by ringtone rappers and people who thought Lil’ Wayne, T.I. and Rick Ross were credible rappers. Rock on the other hand has been on life support for a couple years, basically since the month and a half when Kings of Leon was the biggest group in the world. The Black Keys (who also had a theory of why rock was dying revolving around people being fine with Nickleback being the biggest band in the world) brought rock back somewhat with their last two albums and if there is any justice The Gaslight Anthem will have their breakout with their upcoming album.

2. TBA – Mumford & Sons (September 25): Of course sometime the death of rock is not because no one listens to rock anymore, just the mainstream does not talk about it. I am sure everyone would think Katy PerryKaty Perry actually has sold the same amount as Teenage Dream since both were released two years ago. Of course this is what happens when you let teenage girls control the pop culture zeitgeist. It is doubtful the banjo strumming band will become “cool” after the release of their next album, but I bet they have a longer career than Katy Perry.

3. Life Is Good – Nas (July 17): But back to Nas. You want to feel old? The MC is releasing his tenth album this summer. Sure his albums have been hit or miss and sometimes uneven since his seminal debut Illmatic, but Nas has had four years to record a record so hopefully that was time well spent.

4. Write Me Back – R. Kelly (June 26): Kells last album was his best since the nineties and Write Me Back is a thematic sequel of more classic soul music of Love Letter, sharing a similar name. Hopefully more chapters of Trapped in the Closet, which Kells said were “coming soon” back in March will soon follow.

5. Uncaged – Zac Brown Band (July 10): As I grow older, I have been listening to more country music, especially the folksier side of the genre and the debut album from Zac Brown Band was heartfelt in the right place and fun in others. With any luck that continues on their follow up.


Yesterday
The Idler Wheel Is Wiser Than the Driver of the Screw and Whipping Cords Will Serve You More Than Ropes Will Ever Do – Fiona Apple
Rhythm And Repose – Glen Hansard
Oceania – Smashing Pumpkins
Attractive Sin – Del The Funky Homosapien & Parallel Thought
View From the Bottom – Lit
Cherry Thing – Neneh Cherry
The Crossing – Sophie B. Hawkins

June 26
LIVING THINGS – Linkin Park
Overexposed – Maroon 5
Suzie Cracks the Whip – Blues Traveler
Invisible Stars - Everclear
Days Go By – The Offspring
Mindy Smith – Mindy Smith
The Flaming Lips & Heady Fwends – The Flaming Lips
The House That Jack Built – Jesca Hoop

July 10
Murdered Love – P.O.D.
Loma Vista – Family of the Year

July 17
Channel Orange – Frank Ocean
Ol Razzle Dazzle – Missy Higgins
Delayed Reaction – Soul Asylum

July 31
A Thousand Miles Left Behind – Gloriana
The Soul Sessions, Vol. 2 – Joss Stone
Play Rock Music – Toadies

August 14
Based on a T.R.U. Story – 2 Chainz

August 21
Mature Themes – Ariel Pink's Haunted Graffiti
Fragrant World – Yeasayer

August 28
Havoc and Bright Lights – Alanis Morissette
Music From Another Dimension – Aerosmith

September 4
North – Matchbox Twenty
Centipede Hz – Animal Collective

September 11
The Spirit Indestructible – Nelly Furtado
Sun – Cat Power
Coexist – The xx
Ludaversal – Ludacris

September 18
Tomorrowland – Ryan Bingham
I Bet on Sky – Dinosaur Jr.

September 25
Food and Liquor 2: The Great American Rap Album Pt. 1 - Lupe Fiasco
Uno! – Green Day

October 9
TBA – Fitz & The Tantrums
Wrote a Song For Everyone – John Fogerty

October 15
The Haunted Man – Bat for Lashes

November 13
Dos! – Green Day
Vicious Lies and Dangerous Rumors – Big Boi

January 15
Tre! – Green Day

No Release Date
Born Battle - The Killers
James River - D'Angelo
West Coast Time – Michelle Branch
Indicud – Kid Cudi
Age of the Machine – Goodie Mob
Undisputed – DMX
The Diving Board – Elton John
Country God, or the Girl – K'naan
Rooted - Scarface
Cruel Summer – G.O.O.D. Music
Dave Matthews Band
The Avett Brothers
Taylor Swift
Ben Folds Five
Diane Birch
Bob Seger
Alice In Chains

And of course let me add the obligatory, maybe we will finally get to hear Detox by Dr. Dre this summer.

The Best Television Shows of 2011-12

The very first year I ranked television shows was the hardest to pick the best show as I wrestled between Veronica Mars and Lost (remember when Lost was actually a great show, that was a long time ago). Since then Veronica Mars and Friday Night Lights took the top crown every year. And with both shows off the air, I had a harder choice than that first year. So without further ado, the ten best shows of the past year.

1. Homeland, Season 1 (Showtime)

2. Justified, Season 3 (FX)

3. Mike Judge's Beavis and Butt-Head, Season 8 (MTV)

4. Parenthood, Season 3 (NBC)

5. Suburgatory, Season 1 (ABC)

6. Revenge, Season 1 (ABC)

7. Mad Men, Season 5 (AMC)

8. Once Upon a Time, Season 1 (ABC)

9. The Big Bang Theory, Season 5 (CBS)

10. Community, Season 3 (NBC)





Below is a running tally for the past year of shows that had a Quote or Song of the week during my weekly television round up.

Quote of the Week
The Big Bang Theory – 7
Justified – 5
Rescue Me – 4
Don’t Trust the B---- in Apartment 23 –2
Friday Night Lights – 2
Homeland – 2
Leverage – 2
Modern Family – 2
Parenthood – 2
Survivor - 2
The Voice – 2
Weeds – 2
2 Broke Girls – 1
Castle – 1
The Challenge – 1
Community – 1
Dallas - 1
Death Valley – 1
Mad Men – 1
Pretty Little Liars – 1
Shameless – 1


Song of the Week
Mad Men – 5
Pretty Little Liars – 4
Suburgatory – 4
Don’t Trust the B---- in Apartment 23 – 3
How I Met Your Mother – 3
Community – 2
Friday Night Lights - 2
The Lying Game – 2
Modern Family – 2
Rescue Me – 2
Shameless – 2
2 Broke Girls – 1
Bent – 1
The Big Bang Theory – 1
Chuck – 1
Free Agents – 1
Happy Endings – 1
Homeland – 1
Justified – 1
Men at Work – 1
Parenthood – 1
Revenge - 1
Saturday Night Live – 1
Weeds – 1

The Eighth Annual Scooter Television Awards

Welcome to the 8th Annual Scooter Television Awards honoring show that aired a majority of their season between July2011 and June 2012. Without further ado, here are the winners of the 2012 STA's:

Best Scripted Show: Homeland

Best Sitcom: Suburgatory

Best Basic Cable Show: Justified

Best Reality Show: Survivor: One World

Best Animated Show: Beavis & Butthead

Best Talk Show: Pardon the Interruption

Best Talent Competition: The Sing-Off

Best New Show: Homeland

Best Mini-Series Hatfields and Mccoys

Guiltiest Guilty Pleasure: Pretty Little Liars

Best Awards Show: 2012 Grammy Awards

Best Hour of TV: Pilot - Homeland

Best Half Hour of TV: Werewolves of Highland / Crying – Beavis and Butt-Head

Biggest Shocker: Brody was working with Abu Nazir all along (Homeland)

Worst Idea: Bringing back The Killing for a second season

Worst Moment: Daniel not turning out to be the dead body on the beach (Revenge)

Best New Title Sequence: The Lying Game



Best Song Placement: It Was a Good Day – Ice Cube (Happy Endings)

Best Karaoke: Take On Me – Jeffster (Chuck)

Best Singing Competition Performance: Say Aah – Lindsey Pavao (The Voice)

Best Dance Sequence: Megan Draper’s Zoo Be Zoo Dance (Mad Men)

Best Promo: The Lying Game - Rumour Has It



Hottest Token Hot Chick:







Best Character: Raylan Givins (Justified)

Best New Character: Dalia Royce (Suburgatory)

Best Recurring Character: Neal McDonough (Justified)

Best Guest Appearance: Carla Gugino as Karen Sisco Goodall (Justified)

Best Duo: Rumpelstiltskin / Mr. Gold and Regina Mills (Once Upon a Time)

Most Entertaining Reality “Star”: Kat Edorsson (Survivor: One World)

Most Annoying Reality “Star”: Colton Cumbie (Survivor: One World)

Best Quote: “You know what they say: getting old ain’t for pussies.” (Raylan, Justified)

Show That Should Be Brought Back: The Sing-Off

Most Anticipated New Show of Next Season: Masters of Sex (Showtime)

Biggest Question for 2011-2012: What does the purple mist mean for Storybrooke on Once Upon a Time

Previewing Falling Skies 2.x

Falling Skies followed the same script that other recent sci-fi shows have followed: interesting concept but it is full of character nobody cares about. Aside from Pope, the renegade who reluctantly joins the group, there really was no one worth rooting for during the first season of Falling Skies. Unfortunately the second season is not preceded by a recap episode so here is a quick recap. Incest like alien came to Earth to whip off the population with the help of Mechs and kidnapped children which they turned into slaves by placing a harness on their backs (it is hinted at that the harness slowly is turning the kids into skidders). It turned out the skidders were actually foot soldiers for Overlords (leading credence to the theory of harnesses turns those attached into skidders) who took Tom voluntarily onto their ship to end the first season.

The second season flash forwards three months in a battle between the 2nd Mass and a group of skidders. Don’t worry, about half of the first episode features flashbacks. Unfortunately about half of the flashbacks feature Tom, who is still sporting an epic beard, getting back home. But there is a conversation between Tom and the Overlords (though Karen, remember Hal’s girlfriend who was taken but tends to be forgotten most of the time) where Tom surprisingly does not ask the most important question, “Why are you here?”

The second of back to back episodes tonight features Tom having a hard time assimilating himself back into camp as some people are fearful of what could the aliens done to Tom, no one more worried than Tom himself. New to the series is a mechanical wiz played by the teacher from The Killing who will be cozying up with a female member of the 2nd Mass this season. Tonight we are also introduced to two new alien beings, one of which is creepier than any zombie I have seen on The Walking Dead. Speaking of The Walking Dead, I kept thinking back to the first season of that show and their aimless travels and cannot help but think of how the character of Falling Skies have been wondering around with no good plan in the first season which carries into the first two episodes of the new season.

It is a shame that the season did not open up with the third episode because not only is it the best of the early second season but it is probably the best of the entire series (although it would have hard to have done so and explain Tom’s time on the spaceship concurrently, but the second episode tonight was a bit of filler). The episode features human on skidder violence, human on human violence, a funeral, a stolen kiss, a mysterious glowing object, and a mysterious stranger who could put the 2nd Mass on the right path. If you can make it to the third episode it could make watching the second season worthwhile and hints at a better season than the first.

Falling Skies airs Sundays at 9:00. You can download Falling Skies on iTunes.

57 Channels and Only This Is On - 6/16/12

Quote of the Week: Bobby may not be stupid but I’m a hellva lot smarter. (J.R. – Dallas)

Song of the Week: You Only Live Twice – Nancy Sinatra (Mad Men)

Scene of the Week:



Big News of the Week: George Bush’s Head on a Stake: I was not a big fan of George W. Bush as president to the point that I even deregistered from the Republican party because he was such a bad president (or at least I tried, leaving a political party turns out to be as hard as trying to leave the mafia). But I always respect the office of the presidency no matter who is sitting in the Oval Office or how bad of a job they are doing. So I was a bit offended when I learned that Game of Thrones featured a scene featuring the disembodied head of the former president sitting on a stake in one of their scenes. The producers said it was not a political statement; it was just a head they had lying around that they needed to fill a sea of heads on stakes (not to be confused with Pardon the Interruption’s less offensive Heads on Sticks). This begs the question why did they have the head of George W. Bush just lying around? Ironically this came to light the same week that HBO was airing a feature on George H.W. Bush.

Of course my outrage died down after I saw the picture of George’s head with looked about as much like the former president as of the bust of Lionel Richie looked like the singer in his Hello music video. There is probably a reason this did not come out until someone mentioned it on the DVD commentary.



Preview Picture of the Week:

Falling Skies, Sunday at 9:00 on TNT

Mad Men: Now that the season is over, I have come to the realization that I really did not like the year’s theme of getting old sucks then you die. Don felt threatened by the youth of his wife and Ginsburg. Pete was exiled to the suburbs. Peggy leaned she had to leave her father figure behind to get any further. Betty got fat. Sally literally became a woman. Joan’s marriage crumbled and became a prostitute. Megan followed her dream and failed. Harry set away his friend to follow his dream while Harry stayed stuck in his column filled cubicle. And of course there was Lane the most tragic of them all. Roger was the only one that came out unscaved but he stopped worrying about life after his heart scare early in the series. And it is off that with the getting old motif of the season that it did not end with a very picturesque Don walking off a bright set into a dark, lifeless studio but instead it ended with Don all but winking into the camera when asked at a bar if her were alone. Even the scene in the expanded office with the five partners would have made for a better ending. But at least more people beat the crap out of Pete.
You can download Mad Men on iTunes.

Pretty Little Liars: My favorite part of the episode was when one of the Liars asks, “Did Jenna become more blinder?” But a fairly uneventful episode. We already knew Janna was overcompensating from not actually being blind. Mona talked for the first time for month, but did not have anything interesting to say. Garrett literally kept his mouth shut. (and that begs the question why did Spencer go ahead and talk to Garrett after hearing her mother was going to come back the next day for a complete visitor list after just forbidding her from going to see Garrett again?) There was some weird storyline with earrings that Aria put in Allison’s casket, but that begs the question, why did she choose to put what she thought were her dad’s mistress’s earrings as a keepsake for Allison for all eternity? Did she not have something better to symbolize their friendship?
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Pretty Little Liars on iTunes.

Free Download of the Week: ATO Records Spring Sampler 2012: Get songs from Alabama Shakes, Dawes, Primus and more

Deal of the Week: Singers Who Act for $2.99: Amazon deeply discounted another set of albums including one of the greatest records ever made: Purple Rain. Other albums you can get for the low price include ones from Christina Aguilera, Mandy Moore and Jennifer Love Hewitt (yes, she recorded an album).



New Album Release of the Week: The Idler Wheel Is Wiser Than the Driver of the Screw and Whipping Cords Will Serve You More Than Ropes Will Ever Do - Fiona Apple

New DVD Release of the Week: Wilfred

Video of the Week: I think we can all agree that Call Me Maybe is a horrible song that we cannot stop listening and singing along to and hating ourselves for it after it is over. But if there is any group that could make any song sound credible, it would be The Roots. And they did just that. With children’s instruments. So congratulations Call Me Maybe chick, for one shining moment you horribly cheesy song was credible. Now say hi to Skee-Lo on your way to one hit wonder obscurity.



Next Week Pick of the Week: Falling Skies, Sunday at 9:00 on TNT: TNT continues it slow summer roll out with the return of their sci-fi show Falling Skies. It had its moments but I was not that impress with the first season so hopefully that gets turned around with the second season which returns with back to back episodes. Look for a full review tomorrow.

Lyrics Quiz: Surfing U.S.A.

The Beach Boys released their first album fifty years ago and recently just put out a reunion album. Even after five decade the group is still synonymous with summer (ironically Surfin’ Safari came out in October of 1962) which officially starts next week so I thought I would put Surfing U.S.A. though iTunes Genius and you it to create this month’s Lyrics Quiz. The list is not as summery as I was expecting. But anyway. As always leave your guesses, both artist and song title, in the comment section or e-mail me. If you are correct I will un-bold the lyric and give you credit. Please keep in mind the lyrics quiz is for entertainment purposes only so please only use your own meandering mind to guess them.

1. My belle, sont des mots qui vont tre bien ensemble, tre bien ensemble. (Michelle - Rubber Soul - The Beatles; guessed by Rebekah)
2. A time to plant, a time to reap. A time to kill, a time to heal. A time to laugh, a time to weep. (Turn! Turn! Turn! (To Everything There Is A Season) - The Byrds; guessed by Rebekah)
3. When the one that left us here returns for us at last we are but a moment’s sunlight fading in the grass.
4. Well beat the drum and hold the phone, the sun came out today. We’re born again, there’s new grass on the field.
5. No I cannot forget where it is that I come from; I cannot forget the people who love me. (Small Town - John Mellencamp; guessed by Rebekah)
6. Clean shirt, new shoes, and I don’t know where I am going to. Silk suit, black tie, I don’t need a reason why. (Sharp Dressed Man - Eliminator; guessed by Rebekah)
7. Mommy’s alright, daddy’s all right, they just seem a little weird. (Surrender - Cheap Trip; guessed by Rebekah)
8. Bring a song and a smile for the banjo. Better get while the gettings good. Hitch a ride to the end of the highway where the neons turn to wood.
9. Got in a little hometown jam so the put a rifle in my hand, sent me off to a foreign land. (Born In the U.S.A. - Born In the U.S.A. - Bruce Springsteen; guessed by Rebekah)
10. Well it’s been building up inside of me for, oh, I don’t know how long. But I keep thinking something’s bound to go wrong.
11. Are you gonna worry for the rest of your life. Why are you in such a hurry to be lonely one more night?
12. She hates time, make it stop. When did Motley Crew become classic rock?
13. The time is drawing near. My train is going, I see in your eyes. The love, the need, your tears.
14. When we get crazy, it just ain’t right. Girl I get lonely too. You don’t have to worry, just hold on tight. (I Can't Tell You Why - The Eagles; guessed by Rebekah)
15. You don’t need money, don’t take fame, don’t need no credit card to ride this train. (The Power of Love - Huey Lewis and the News; guessed by Rebekah)
16. She stood alone on her balcony, yeah, she could hear the cars roll by out on 441 like waves crashing on the beach.
17. We don’t need no education. (Another Brick In the Wall, Pt. 2 - Pink Floyd; guessed by Rebekah)
18. I could tell she liked my from the way she stared. And the way she said, you missed the spot over there.”
19. I wait in this pace where the sun never shines. Wait in this place where the shadows run from themselves. (White Room - Cream; guessed by Rebekah)
20. I went from Phoenix, Arizona, all the way to Tacoma. Philadelphia, Atlanta, L.A. Northern California where the girls are warm. (Rock'n Me - Steve Miller Band; guessed by Rebekah)
21. I make rich women beg. I’ll make a good woman steal. I'll make an old woman blush. And make a young woman steal. (Bad to the Bone - George Thorogood & The Destroyers; guessed by Rebekah)
22. I tripped the merry-go-round. With this very unpleasing, sneezing, wheezing, the calliope crashed to the ground. (Blinded By the Light - Manfred Mann's Earth Band; guessed by Rebekah)
23. Now everybody do the propaganda and sing along to the age of paranoia.
24. I’m getting tired of waiting and fooling around. I’ll find somebody eho won’t make me feel like a clown. (Evil Ways - Santana; guessed by Rebekah)
25. When I want to runaway I drive off in my car. But whichever way I go, I come back to the place you are. (In Your Eyes - So (Remastered) - Peter Gabriel; guessed by Rebekah)

Around the Tubes - 6/14/12

I have gotten a plethora of cool press releases have been flooding my inbox recently that you may find interesting. This post will include blurbs on Dexter, Weeds, Ray Donovan, Masters of Sex, Veep, Treasure Island, The Obama Effect, BET Awards 12, Arthur, Shenae Grimes, Saturday Night Live, Redbook, and Bristol Palin: Life' a Tripp.

- Yvonne Strahovski, better known around these parts as the Token Hot Chick from Chuck, recently joined the cast of Dexter for the upcoming season which just began production last week and will premiere September 30 at 9:00. Yvonne will play Hannah McKay who helps Miami Metro Homicide for help in solving some old cases. Since Showtime shared a picture with the press release, take a ganger of Yvonne below:



- In other Showtime news, the upcoming eighth season of Weeds, which will include it’s 100th episode, will be the last. See the beginning of the end when the season premieres July 1 at 10:00. Showtime is already stocking up on shows to replace Weed because it also ordered twelve episodes of Ray Donovan starring Live Schreiber and Masters of Sex starring Michael Sheen and Lizzy Caplan.

- For those not ready to say goodbye to Veep just yet after its season finale (don’t worry it will be back for a second season), here is a deleted scene from Sunday.



- If you missed the original miniseries Treasure Island when it premieres on Syfy in early May, or just want to add it to your collection, you can purchase the DVD and Blu-Ray on July 24. Based on the Robert Louis Stevenson classic novel, Treasure Island stars Eddie Izzard (“The Riches,”), Elijah Wood (Lord of the Rings films), Golden Globe® winner Donald Sutherland (Hunger Games, Citizen X), Toby Regbo (Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1), Rupert Penry-Jones (Match Point, “Whitechapel”) and Daniel Mays (The Adventures of Tintin).

- The Obama Effect hits theaters nationwide on July 13th, 2012. The film stars Charles S.Dutton (and is also his directorial debut), Katt Williams, Meagan Good, Vanessa Bell Calloway, and Glynn Turman along with a slew of new talent. Check out a teaser below:

The Obama Effect - Teaser Trailer, Stars Katt Williams, Charles S. Dutton, Meagan Good, Vanessa Calloway, - JULY 13TH! from Digital Magician on Vimeo.

- Usher, 2 Chainz, and Big Sean has been added as performers to the BET Awards 12 while Kevin Hart and Cedric the Entertainer have signed up as presenters. The BET Awards 12 will air live July 1 at 8:00 on BET (natch) and will be hosted by Samuel L. Jackson.

- Joan Rivers will be guest starring in a brand new episode of PBS Kids Go!’s Arthur where she will help Arthur cope with his grandfather’s memory loss airing tomorrow (check your local listings). Check out a clip below:

Bubbe is Back!


- Actress Shenae Grimes from The CW's hit show 90210 is teaming up with Skype and popular celebrity blog Celebuzz to host a contest where fans just like you can win a chance to Skype with Shenae and win a $250.00 gift card.

- Even though it is summer, you can get your Saturday Night Live fix with its new web series The Front Desk. In the first installment, desk clerk John Lutz (30 Rock) deals with three times the Bill Hader. Check it out below:



- Redbook recently signed up Soleil Moon Frye (you may remember her better as Punky Brewster) as a guest columnist and her first column debuts in the July issue, on newsstands now. Readers can submit their toughest questions to soleil@redbookmag.com or tweet Soleil @redbookmag with the hashtag #Soleil.

- Bristol Palin: Life’s a Tripp premieres Tuesday at 10:00 on Lifetime, check out a promotional photo below:

Previewing Dallas

In a measure of full disclosure, I should mention that I have never seen an episode of the original Dallas which ran from 1978 to 1991. Even though it ran for thirteen seasons, I was still too young to watch by the time it went off the air. I was so young at the time, when I saw the cast of the new version I thought to myself, “Why did they cast the dad from Step by Step in such a serious role?” (Which begs the question way can Staci Keanan not find more work? Can we fast track a My Two Dads reboot please. Get on that ABC Family. But anyway.) Since I was alive during the era I of course am familiar with who shot J.R. (well the plotline, I am not entirely sure who did the shooting) and that one of the seasons turned out to be the longest dream sequence ever. Could you imagine if that happened today, and you thought the internet exploded over the season finale of The Killing. The internet would burn down if an entire season was revealed a dream today.

With that out of the way, there is no learning curve for anyone who want to jump into the Dallas reboot without have seen it in the original run because you were too young at the time (which is basically anyone under forty) or not even born yet (people born the same year Dallas went off the air will be old enough to drink this year). For those that that did watch the original run, the last twenty-one years has not been good to the Ewing boys. In the second scene, Bobby is diagnosed with cancer and J.R. spends the first episode mostly motion-and-speechless in a nursing home suffering from depression. But do not worry; the best character on the show will not be confined to an old folk’s home for that long as J.R. regains his fastball by the second episode. Or as close to a fastball that an eighty year old can throw it.

With the older downtrodden, the new Dallas slowly shift to the new generation and the cousin at the heart of the new show are chips off the old blocks. Jon Ross (Josh Henderson, Desperate Housewives), much like his father J.R. is a ruthless oilman who is not above drilling on the family land behind his family’s back to get every last drop there is even if that involves the buzz word of the moment, fracking. The altruistic Christopher (Jesse Metcalfe, Desperate Housewives) is the good son just like his adopted father Bobby who is moving past the dirty oil game looking for cleaner alternative fuels like methane hydrate.

And where would the Ewing men be without their women? Both cousins had a go around with the family cook’s daughter Jordana Brewster (Fast Five), first with Christopher before ending up with Jon Ross (sadly no on calls him J.R. Jr.). Christopher eventually moved onto Julie Gonzalo (Veronica Mars) who he is engaged to and the Pilot episode has them coming back to Southfork to get married which it set to go on at the end of the first episode. Bobby even got himself a new wife (Brenda Strong, Desperate Housewives' disembodied narrator and was actually on the orginal Dallas as “Cliff’s One Night Stand” during the seventh season) while J.R.’s ex Sue Ellen is still around and had gotten herself into politics while the show has been off the air.

With Dallas essentially inventing the modern day nighttime soap and its mysteries like who shot J.R., what looks to be the initial conflict of the controlling interest of the family land at Southfork by the four Ewing boys really lacks intensity you come to expect from night time soaps. This is very glaring when you compare it to the gold standard of today: Revenge with the protagonist going after everyone involved with her father’s imprisonment (and death). Even the first season of Desperate Housewives (which shared a lot of DNA with Dallas, even Larry Hagman showed up at one point) that rebooted the nighttime soap craze of today built a more interesting mystery and conflict than Dallas came back with. Arguing over land rights and drilling rights just does not pack the same punch these days. Plus, why can Jon Ross not just buy the land next door, stick in a straw in the land and drink Bobby’s milkshake up that way? There is even an awkward storyline with a mysterious e-mail (which thankfully get resolved by the third episode). Also it gets annoying really quick how everyone in the Ewing family over-emphasized their relationship to the person they are talking to angrily.

What the new Dallas does have going for it is what could be a record breaking amount of double crosses. And not only are there a few triple crosses, the show even managed the elusive quadruple cross (which I have a feeling may turn into a quintuple-cross by the time I watch the next episode). If you are a fan a drinking game, go ahead and take a shot everytime there is a double-cross, a double for a triple-cross and so long. But be warned, you may end up drunker then if you played my Deadwood drinking game.

I also always enjoy watching Jordana Brewster try to act and she takes it to another level on Dallas because her Texas accent goes in and out from scene to scene (and sometimes in the same scene). But if there is a breakout star, it will be Gonzalo, a highly likeable actress with some bad luck. She was resigned to the background on Veronica Mars after her rape storyline was wrapped up. Eli Stone never got a fair shake. And her Day One show is one of the rare shows that got picked up by a network but never actually made it to air. Hopefully she can finally shine on Dallas (even though she plays the doting fiancé tonight, we get to better know her character next week).

Fans of the original run should not expect a cavalcade of cameos from the first run. Even though he is getting married much of the Ewing family that is not in the main cast fails to show up except for Charlene Tilton as niece Lucy (she gives some excuse why her father could not make it). Christopher’s own adopted mother does not even show up to the festivities and is not even mentioned until next week when her bother Cliff Barnes (who also skipped his nephew’s wedding) shows up. Another J.R. nemesis Ray Krebbs also shows up later in the season.

Even though he remains the best part of the new show and gets the best lines (“Bobby may not be stupid, but I’m a hellava lot smarter”) J.R. is showing is age as Hagman turned eighty last year and has already retired twice, coming out for the second time for the Dallas reboot. During its original run, the famous” Who Shot J.R.” happened at the end of the third season. I have a feeling will not have to wait that long for a “Who Killed J.R.” cliffhanger even if J.R. hilariously tells another character who points a gun at him, “Bullets don’t have much effect on me.”

Dallas airs Wednesdays at 9:00 and premieres tonight with back to back episodes. You can also download Dallas on iTunes.