Around the Tubes - 4/20/12

I have gotten a plethora of cool press releases have been flooding my inbox recently that you may find interesting. This post will include blurbs on Frozen Planet, The Ricky Gervais Show, Grimm, My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding, Total Blackout, FX premiere dates, The Franchise, Ready for Love, American Ninja Warrior, MyMusicCloud, and Mob Wives.

- If you have not yet done so, check out my review of Frozen Planet out on DVD now by clicking the link. You can also check out the trailer below:



- The Ricky Gervais Show returns for its third season tonight and here is a clip of what you should expect:



- Of course Grimm will be at Comic-Con this summer and you can too by heading over to the Grimm Facebook page to enter to win a VIP trip to San Diego and much more.

- Something called My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding premieres tonight on TLC at 10:00 and sight unseen, I am going with the assumption that the title is self explanatory. If you are not convinced head over to Vimeo for a clip.

- In other new show news, Syfy will be premiering Total Blackout next Wednesday, head over to syfy.com for a sneak peak:

- It is comedy night on FX starting June 28 with the premieres of Anger Management (you know, Charlie Sheen back on the small screen) with back to back episodes at 9:00, the second season of Wilfred at 10:00, the third season of Louie at 10:30, and new talk show Brand X with Russell Brand at 11:00.

- It should be an interesting season of The Franchise starting July 11 with the show focusing on the Miami Marlins with coach Ozzie Guillen. I wonder is anything interesting has happened with the team recently for them to use. Here is a promo:



- Are you ready for love? Well, then sign up for the new NBC dating series appropriately titled Ready for Love. Women (sorry guys) interested in being considered by the Ready for Love matchmakers can submit their info using the new Timeline app at the show’s Facebook page until May 18. Granted I would much rather be matched with executive producer Eva Longoria than some random chick. Call me Eva.

- Also coming to NBC this summer is American Ninja Warrior starting May 20. Check out a clip below:



- With hard drives becoming a premium, cloud storing is becoming more popular and you can get 250 MB of additional cloud music storage (up to 3 GB) for every person you refer to MyMusic Cloud.

- With Earth Day coming up call2recycle.org says that nearly 40% of Americans say there’s not enough emphasis placed on environmental responsibility in the 2012 presidential election.

- Fans of VH1’s Mob Wives will be happy to learn Big Ang will be getting her own spin-off. Expect the two episode half hour series to premiere this summer.

These Bruises Make for Better Conversation

Every once in a while a band comes along and you are convinced will be a one hit wonder and are surprised that they managed to get another hit. Train is one of those bands. Meet Virginia sounded it like one of those songs, a catchy folk rock hit at a time when soft rock was huge with quirky lyrics about a girl who wears high heels while exercising. Then a couple years later they broke any chance of them being relegated to one hit wonder status with the epic Drops of Jupiter that showed they were more than just the quirky lyrics band and could make a grand music statement and have been a permanent fixture on the adult contemporary charts ever since where they have alternated between the quirky of Meet Virginia and grandness of Drops of Jupiter.

They finally made it back on the pop charts with their last album with ukulele assisted Hey Soul Sister and look to continue that success with the first single off of their new album California 37. Drive By is a Hey Soul Sister clone if there ever was one and the band even break out the ukulele again for Sing Together. And Drive By is not the only blatant clone on the album because You Can Finally Meet My Mom sounds like the sequel Marry Me also from their last album (which is odd considering one would introduced their mom before asking their hand in marriage so maybe the song is actually meant to be a prequel). But You Can Finally Meet My Mom also and weird lyrics that go well beyond their typical quirky songs by ending the song with randomly name checking Steve Job and Whitney Houston (it is unclear if the song was written and recorded before both of their untimely demises or not, but still kind of creepy either way).

But lyrics on the album do not get weirder that when the album starts off with This’ll Be My Year where Pat Monahan delivers rapid fire about everything that has happened since 1985 in chronological order like a amendment to Billy Joel’s We Didn't Start the Fire (the newer song even includes the line “Russians leave Afghanistan” which I am going to go ahead and assuming is an allusion to Joel’s “Russians in Afghanistan” line from his song). Train does add a personal flavor to the historic moments but they could have done a better job picking events because I would not consider “Barcelona has the games” a very momentous occasion.

Like almost every other adult contemporary artist of the past decade, Train even goes country for a song on the album with the folksy Bruises, a duet with the severely underrated Ashley Monroe who is probably best known as one third of Pistol Annies. It is songs like this and When the Fog Rolls In where Monahan shows his vulnerability which makes me wish Train would tone down the silly lyrics, because their music is much better when they play it straight.

Song to Download - Bruises

California 37 gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.

I Want My Music Television - 4/18/12

There have been a couple of videos that have caught my eye lately so I thought I’d give them some love since the death of Musical Television left a void for a forum on the art form. If you are interested in buying the video through iTunes, click the title link (where available). If you are interested in buying the song, look for a link in the analysis.

Payphone – Maroon 5 featuring Wiz Khalifa



Lyric Videos are all the rage these days (and we have Adam’s buddy Cee-Lo for that) but Maroon 5 put a new twist on the concept but creating a comic strip with the lyrics as the thought bubbles which is pretty cool. Though I’m am not sure if that is supposed to be Adam Levine or some random dude at the local Abercrombie and Fitch.


My Valentine - Paul McCartney



For his last album, Paul McCartney got Natalie Portman to appear in his video and she is back for another go around for his new album. It is good to be a Beatle. Strangely there are three different versions of the video, one with only Natalie, one with only Johnny Depp but I went with this one that had both because I am an equal opportunity ogler. You’re welcome.


Leave the Lights On – Meiko



I am always a fan of one shot music video and it is interesting how that put a spotlight on Meiko whenever her boyfriend is not touching her (though when I first watched it I was a bit confused because I did not realize the name of the song) but I am not sure I like the disco direction take of the song. Hopefully there are some folksier songs on her upcoming new album.


Disconnected (Acoustic) - Keane



Not really the song I would expect from Keane, they really came close to perfecting the easy listening in the new millennium sound and this is more ethereal than their past work, and I certainly did not expect them to make a horror music video either.

You're as Cold as Ice

Whenever BBC Earth debuts a new miniseries it is definitely an event starting with Planet Earth in 2006 and continued with Life in 2009 (see my review: Life Is Sweet). The same team behind those two features is back with their coolest project yet, Frozen Planet. Not surprisingly the documentaries take us to the two extremes of the Earth from the Arctic Ocean to Antarctica to study the animals they live in the harsh conditions and the ever changing terrain.



The DVD package spreads the seven episodes across three disks with a couple of special features. There is a twenty minute featurette about the scientific exploration at the South Pole. Yes there is a fully insolated science station at the most Southern point of the planet, watching the feature makes me want to find a way to get to visit there. The producers of Frozen Planets are hosting a contest, though not to the South Pole but a six day, five night trip to Manitoba to visit the polar bears of Churchill. Head over to frozenplanetdvd.com to enter. Other special features include a set of forty-seven production video diaries from those that made Frozen Planet that range from one to four minutes. There is also a special episode of Frozen Planet entitled The Epic Journey that is basically a greatest hits version of the seven episodes.



The bulk of the miniseries is dedicated to the four seasons with spring, summer, autumn, and winter getting their own episode. The viewers will get a heavy dose of how polar bears and penguins adapt to the season during these episodes (yes, there is some overlap from the March of the Penguins documentary but Frozen Planet goes into much deeper detail into the year in the life of the animal than the movie) with cameos from other cold weather inhabitants including bison, wolves, whales, seals (there is very graphic love making scene which unfortunately I cannot un-see) and many other. We even meet a caterpillar that actually freezes every winter for over a decade before it transform into a moth.



It is rare to see any human beings in any of these series from BBC Earth, but mankind actually gets its own episode with the episode The Last Frontier that travels to the northern most points of humanity to see how people have adapted in such cold places as Siberia and Alaska as well following the steps of the first explorers they tried to be the first to either Pole. There is even a segment on just how far some Inuit will go to get food including scaling down the side of the mountain with nothing but a rope to collect eggs.



Fox New watchers may not want to put in the third disk because the only episode on it is the final one On Thin Ice which looks at how global warming is affecting both ends of the Earth. It show just how a couple degrees is affecting how much ice covers the poles and how the freshwater ice caps are falling into the ocean at a quicker rate (with the 100th anniversary of the Titanic sinking a couple days ago, you will also get to see how icebergs are created). It is also show how the humans that live in the northern points of the Earth are dealing with the warming weather as well as animals at both ends are adapting.



As would expect based on previous series, Frozen Planet is a visual masterpiece with amazon shots that are even breathtaking in the DVD version (though if you do have a blu-ray player, I would recommend you spend the couple extra dollars to get the high definition version if the visuals are as stunning as they were on Life). This DVD set is based on the version of the series that aired BBC and is narrated by David Attenborough so fans of the version currently airing on Discovery with Adam Baldwin will probably have to wait a couple months for that to come out. But for those not a fan of anyone narrating and just want to take in the beautiful images without comment, you have the option to watch it with just the musical score. Personally I cannot wait to see what the team at BBC Earth has in store for us next, presumably in 2015.



Full Disclosure Notice: This series was given to me by BBC for the purpose of reviewing it.

The Voice Sweet Sixteen Power Rankings

The eliminations of the first round of the Live Show pretty much when exactly how I thought with the exception of Charlotte Sometimes, who I thought was going to be Blake’s finalist, was not only not saved by America but was not even saved by Blake. It is official, America really hates New Jersey hard right now. I guess it was a good thing Chris Christie did not run for president this year. But anyway. The Sweet Sixteen starts tonight and here is my Power Ranking for the contestants still remaining (change since the Top 24 Power Rankings in parentheses).

1. Lindsey Pavao (+1)

2. Mathai (+3)

3. Jesse Campbell (-2)

4. Jamar Rogers (+3)

5. Ashley De La Rosa (+6)

6. Jermaine Paul (-3)

7. Juliet Simms (+5)

8. RaeLynn (+5)

9. Tony Lucca (-5)

10. Erin Willett (+8)

11. Katrina Parker (-1)

12. Cheesa (+2)

13. Chris Mann (+3)

14. Pip (+1)

15. Jordis Unga (+1)

16. James Massone (+7)

And even though the coaches will not be going head to head until the finals, here is how the teams stack up against each other if you have one point for the worst singer and sixteen to the best.

1. Christina (46)
2. Adam (32)
3. Cee-Lo (29)
4. Blake (29)

It looks like The Voice is switching things up yet again introducing Instant Eliminations starting Monday where each coach will have to dump one of their contestants at the end of the show. It should be interesting if anyone eliminated ends up being the highest selling artist from the show on iTunes on Tuesday. So let me go ahead and prematurely predict that Blake Shelton will let Jordis go and in a shocker Christina Aguilera chooses to let Chris go instead of Ashley. Then next week will be a sad day for the monosyllabic as Cheesa and Pip are let go. And since I am in the prediction mode, here is who I think will be in the Elite Eight (America’s Vote in bold): RaeLynn, Jermaine, Lindsey, Jesse, Juliette, Jamar, Tony, Mathai.

Scooter Update: Wow, I did not see Christina giving Jesse the boot. After her versatility comment I was convince she would let go of Chris because he is a bit of a bore and his version of Viva La Vida just did not work. Even with a weak performance I still think Lindsey will get the Viewer Save and without Jesse around Christina will save Ashley. I will stick with my original thoughts on Team Blake. To vote for the remaining contestants via iTunes, click their names above to be taken to the iTunes page. Ashley really is the only one I am considering buying from tonight.

I may or may not update this space with thoughts on who and who not should advance in this space after the shoe airs. Until then, here is a video rundown of who is part of the Sweet Sixteen:

Lyrics Quiz: Titanic

100 years ago today, the RMS Titanic sank to the bottom of the ocean (yes kiddies, the movie was based on a real event even though the characters are totally fake). So for this month’s lyrics quiz I plugged the song that sank the ship, My Heart Will Go On, through iTunes Genius function and here are the twenty-five songs the program gave back to me. As always leave your guesses, both artist and song title, in the comment section or e-mail me. If you are correct I will un-bold the lyric and give you credit. Please keep in mind the lyrics quiz is for entertainment purposes only so please only use your own meandering mind to guess them.

1. I want to thank you for giving me time to breathe like a rock you waited patiently while I got it together, while I figured it out.
2. Oh baby, I can’t fight this feeling anymore. Drives me crazy when I try to. So come my way, take my hand. Can you make my wish, baby you are in command.
3. Like anyone would be I am flattered by your fascination with me. Like any hot-blooded woman I have simply wanted an object to crave.
4. I’ve always been in love with you. UI guess you’ve always known it’s true. You took my love for granted, why oh why. The show is over, say goodbye.
5. I wish I could just make you turn around, turn around and see me cry. There’s so much I need to say to you, so many reasons why. You’re the only one who really knew he at all.
6. Oh it’s beautiful, but wait a minute, isn’t this… but I thought the old lady dropped it into the ocean at the end.
7. I am never broken, In the end only kindness matters. I will get down on my knees, and I will pray.
8. Don’t wish it away; don’t look at it like kids forever. Between you and me I can honestly say things can only get better.
9. And then the punches flew and chairs were smashed in two. There was blood and a single gunshot, but just who shot who?
10. No I don’t need your number, there’s nothing left to say. Except I never thought it would hurt this much to be saved.
11. I feel my spirits rise And soar like the wind. Is it love that I am in? I get weak in a glance. Isn’t that what's called romance?
12. I used to dream, I used to glance beyond the stars. But now I don’t know where we are, although I know we’ve drifted far.
13. She’ll promise you more than the Garden of Eden. Then she’ll careless cut you and laugh while your bleeding.
14. Well I hear the music, close my eyes, feel the rhythm wrap around, take a hold of my heart.
15. And there are voices that want to be heard. So much to mention but you can’t find the words. The scent of magic, the beauty that’s been when love was wilder than the wind.
16. I may be mad, I may be blind, I may be viciously unkind but I can still read what you’re thinking.
17. I will be the one to hold you down, kiss you so hard. I’ll take your breath away.
18. Just the other night baby I saw you hanging you were with your crew, I was with mine too. You took me by surprise when you turned and looked me in my eyes, oh you really blew my mind.
19. Her weapons were her crystal eyes making every man a man. Black as the dark night she was, got what no one else had.
20. She can’t remember the time that she felt needed. If love was blind she was color blind. All her friends well they were trialed for treason and crimes that were never defined.
21. I had to escape, the city was sticky and cruel. Maybe I should have called you first, but I was dying to get to you.
22. I really should have known by the time you drove me home. By the vagueness in your eyes, your casual good byes, by the chill in youe embrace.
23. Sergeant O'Leary is walking the beat, at night he becomes a bartender. He works at Mister Cacciatores down on Sullivan Street.
24. My boss is lame you know, and so is the pay. I’m gonna put that new black mini on my charge anyway.
25. Oh, this is the start of something good, don’t you agree? I haven’t felt like this in so many moons, you know what I mean?

57 Channels and Only This Is On - 4/14/12

Mad Men: There are very few things I hate less on television than dream sequences. They are basically writers saying, you know that five minutes you just invested yourself in? Psych! It was just a dream. But the thing about the dream sequence in this week’s episode is I sniffed it out as a dream sequence as soon as the mistress knocked on the door. And of course Don poorly pushing her dead body under the bed made it quite clear that it was a dream sequence (though it is not entirely clear when exactly reality stopped and the dream started, did she really show up at Don’s door? Did she leave after they made coitus? Or maybe it was not a dream sequence and Megan disposed of the body. I wonder how this affects the Over / Under of how many episodes it takes this season until Don cheats on Megan.)

The Voice: Before the episode on Monday I wrote on my Facebook page that Christina Aguilera was the only reason to tune in because I figured before anyone sang a note, Mathai, Tony Lucca, and Pip were guaranteed to get America’s Vote barring one of them running off stage crying mid-performance (and I was right) and Cee-Lo’s team would suck massively (and for the most part I was right). I did not realize just how right I was in saying Christina was the reason to tune in (even though at the time I thought it was to see if she managed to look attractive for a second straight week which she did).

Then out of nowhere she calls Lucca one dimensional, I was so shocked had I had a DVR I would have rewound that to make sure I actually heard what I just heard. Christina has always been the most critical coach, but how she drop kicked him under the bus like that (and the show’s producers at the same time for casting him) was quite jaw dropping. But here is the thing, Christina, even if her delivery was not the best, was complete right with what she said. I own multiple albums by Lucca, love his version of Devil Town, and though his version of Trouble was one of the best of the Blind Audition, but his Battle Round performance and this week were lackluster and if I were Christina I would be pissed if I had on my team the best technical sing in the competition as well as the most entertaining performer and I lost because Justin Timberlake got his millions of fans to blindly vote for Tony when there are clearly to anyone watching there are much better singers than Tony. Not only do I no long think Lucca is the best performer this season, based on this week, I no longer think he is the best singer on his own team.

Although critical at times, Christina was pretty much spot on all night including when she called Mathai’s performance “loungy” which I completely agree with. But I completely disagree with Christina’s intent. For me loungy is not an insult and coming from he is is high praise and Mathai clearly had the best performance on the night. With all the guitarists on stilts, male strippers, and faceless political henchmen, it takes true talent to be captivating with just a mic stand with you on stage and Mathai was (even with the gratuitous up-close armpit shot). Her performance was the closest to Dia Frampton’s breakout performance of Heartless last season.

But god bless Cee Lo Green, he was horrible at picking his team (I cannot believe he actually talked about this multiple time about how much Twitter disagreed with his Battle Round selections) but you sure know how to pick songs even if you overdo it on the set pieces like when Tony Vincent looked like he was performing in Marilyn Manson’s interpretation of The Wall. I audibly laughed when he picked Don’t Leave Me This Way for Cheesa and yet it managed to work. On the flip side I yelled, “Nooo!!!” at the screen when Kim Yarbrough suggested to Adam that she do Rolling in the Deep breaking my Cardinal Rule for karaoke shows. Adam really failed as a coach to let her do this.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. Download songs from this episode using the widget at right.

How I Met Your Mother: Well, at least we are guaranteed that we will finally meet the mother sometime in the next two seasons. Unless the show pulls some crap and the mother is actually a step-mother.
You can stream recent episodes over at cbs.com. You can also download How I Met Your Mother on iTunes.

Survivor: One World: I love tribal councils when so many people get multiple votes, the only thing that would have been better had it been Troyzan that had the most votes and for the first time since Heroes and Villains (and to my best recollection only the third time a played Idol affected the outcome). But you have to wonder what exactly the game plans are for Leif and Tarzan (who had the best moment of the episode when he managed to fall off his perch just as Probst was saying the challenge was starting). I hate Colton and everything, but at least he was smart enough to create a misfit alliance, I wonder why no one has thought to resurrect it and bring in Christina, and trying to get at least one more girl. Too bad Troyzan let his ego get in the way and voted out Mike last week because not it is too late to get a counter alliance going because I do not see the five girls in the original alliance cracking at this point.
You can stream recent episodes over at cbs.com.



Suburgatory: Dalia has a therapy season with James Lipton and a dog and adopts a kangaroo. I cannot believe I typed a sentence like that.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Suburgatory on iTunes.

Community: An episode dedicated to a lack of shame? Wow, when the show fails, it fails big.
You can stream current episodes on Hulu. You can also download Community on iTunes.

Best of the Week - 4/13/12

Quote of the Week: Anybody want to get weird and play Mario Kart? (Chloe, Don't Trust the B---- in Apartment 23)

Song of the Week: Infinity Guitars – Sleigh Bells (Don’t Trust the B---- in Apartment 23)

Scene of the Week:



Big News of the Week: Good Riddance Bye Rick Santorum: James Carville is famous for saying “It’s the economy stupid” and that is a great barometer for presidential contests, but there may be one thing more powerful than the economy: Money. So even though he won a couple states and made some talking heads doubt Mitt Romney’s inevitability, I never thought Rick Santorum had a shot at the Republican nomination despite his position as the top Not-Romney candidate. And just how much dos the Republican base hate Romney that the Tea Partiers would rally behind Santorum who introduced a lot of pork during his time in the senate or the evangelicals who view Catholicism much a cult as Mormonism. So goodbye Rick, just do not think your second place showing this year make you think you have a chance in four to eight years because this year was just a case of part of the Republican base hating you less than Mitt Romney and you have no chance the next cycle when stronger candidates like Chris Christie, Mitch Daniels, and / or Jeb Bush run. Sarah Palin may even steal votes from your nutjob wing of the part next time around.

Preview Picture of the Week:

Amish: Out of Order  Tuesday at 10:00 on National Geographic Channel

Free Download of the Week: Coachella All-Stars (Google Play): The music festival is this weekend and for those that are not making the trip this year, you can pick up a playlist of 15 songs from artists playing this including The Verve, Daft Punk, and Snoop Dogg for free.

Deal of the Week: Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Artists for $3.99: The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame takes place tomorrow (sans Axl Rose who does not want to be inducted because he is a douche who does not like that the Hall is inducting his former band mates too because apparently Bumblefoot is more worthy of induction than Slash) and to honor the occasion Amazon has lowered some albums by artists already in Pink Floyd and U2 and new inductees like Beastie Boys and Guns n Roses:



New Album Release of the Week: Picture Show - Neon Trees

New DVD Release of the Week: Frozen Planet: The Complete Series (David Attenborough-Narrated Version) [Blu-ray]

Video of the Week: I am not a big fan of Twitter, I find it un-American to limit free speech to under a hundred or so characters. But I did recently sign up for the service basically just to shamelessly plug new articles here at the 9th Green and it also gives me another avenue to stalk Kristen Bell (but mostly because of the latter). Amidst my unusual shameless plus, I made an tweet saying “I'm trying to figure out how to vote for The Shields Brothers! to advance on The Voice but for some reason they are not listed on the voting page” (In my true anti-Twitter fever I was extremely angry that I had to leave of a period to the post due to the lack of characters left; it’s bad form to sacrifice correct punctuation.) Apparently the brothers enjoyed my sentiments that even because the first celebrities ever to retweet me. And scrolling their twitter feed I noticed they released a video of the song they would have performed at the Live Show had they not been unceremoniously bounced from the show for the painfully bad Erin Martin. Since they were nice to retweet me, here is their version of We Are Young by fun. featuring what looks to be Ava Crowder’s baby sister.



Next Week Pick of the Week: Revenge, Wednesday at 10:00 on ABC: I was not thrill with how the last two episodes of Revenge played out when it turned out that Jack did not kill Daniel like we were led to believe in the series premiere but instead it was the rent boy killed by the sensei. But as it turns out absence does make the heart grow stronger because I am more then ready for the show to return after more than a month hiatus.

Around the Tubes - 4/12/12

I have gotten a plethora of cool press releases have been flooding my inbox recently that you may find interesting. This post will include blurbs on Girls, Amish: Out of Order, BlackBoxTV, Eureka, The Biggest Loser, The Song That Changed My Life, Nurse Jackie, Web Therapy, and, The Real L Word.

- After ruling the movie theaters for the past decade, Judd Apatow is getting back into the television game when Girls premieres this Sunday at 10:30 on HBO and here is Apatow talking with Girls creator and star Lena Dunham about the show.



- If you are like me and are still bitter that Amish in the City never received a second season, I have a television show for you: Amish: Out of Order. If the title alone is not enough to get you to tune in next Tuesday at 10:00. Here is a clip from the show:

The Cage Fighter


- Tomorrow Collective Digital Studios will be re-launching BlackBoxTV, a YouTube channel which features Thriller and Sci-Fi programming. Keep in mind tomorrow is also Friday the 13 (natch). Head over to the YouTube page for a preview.

- Just a reminder, the final season of Eureka kicks off Monday at 9:00 on Syfy.

- This week on the Biggest Loser, First Lady Michelle Obama issued an important goal for the contestants and viewers: sign up for the PALA+ Challenge! The Presidential Active Lifestyle Award Challenge promotes a healthy lifestyle with physical activity and good nutrition. Learn more now: nbc.com/pala.

- On this week’s episode of The Song That Changed My Life, Jack and White (not to be confused with the White Stripes singer) are featured. Upcoming episodes will include Fictionist, Sixpence None the Richer, Over the Rhine, and Dar Williams.

- Knick Carmelo Anthony guest star in this Sunday’s episode of Nurse Jackie. No, seriously.

- In other Showtime news, the network has announced the premiere dates for new seasons of Web Therapy (Monday, July 2 at 11:00) and The Real L Word (Thursday July 12 at 10:00).

- And for this week’s political story, here is an infograph about GOP presidential candidates and email presented by Silverpop.

The Next One Is Coming Faster

Mags Bennett was such a force of nature, and one of the greatest Big Bad’s ever in the history of television, you could not help that during the Justified off season, just how are they going to replace her. Well you go out and cast one of the best bad guy actors of the past decade Neal McDonough (and them supplement him with Bubba Gump). And as great as McDonough was been in his previous baddie role, he and his creepy baby head really went all out in this role as a sadistic mob boss adopted son with a taste for rent boys and literally a firearm up his sleeve.

But the third season of Justified was much different than the sophomore outing which swelled and crested every couple episodes where the most recent was much more a slow build to that final showdown (aside from the tease when Raylan asked Quarrels “Why Wait?” only to wait another three episodes for the actual showdown). The slow burn was more like the first season, but unlike the debut season which was sprinkled with a bunch of standalone “procedural” episodes, the third really only had one of those when Karen Sisco Goodall made an appearance and those breaks were really missing this season.

Instead the entire season was a four person chess match between Raylan, Boyd Crowder, Limehouse and carpetbagger Quarrels with a bunch of moving pawns like Dicky Bennett, Errol (who I just recently learned was not in fact named Arrow), two sheriffs, Arlo, Winn Duffy and his great reaction shots. And those players spent most of season on a wild goose chase for Mags’ dirty coal money with Limehouse artfully getting all the players outside a motel with guns drawn when the real money was safely under Loretta McCready’s mattress waiting to not be spent on a Van Halen themed Sweet 16 party. (This begs the question why has no one started a Save Loretta from Tim Allen campaign yet? Is it because I am the only one actually watching Last Man Standing?)

But none of the chess players ended up dyeing last week setting up one epic showdown between the four principals this week. Except it was not so epic. The climactic scene played out like the rest of the season, great dialogue (“it’s a piggy bank!), some notable action (goodbye Quarrels’ arm), and a funny moment (Raylan kicking Quarrels’ arm away from him) but I could not help wanting more. I could not help but think we the audience was Wynona (who’s apparently still on the show) when Raylan was telling her the story at the end.

As great as the character was, the writers said they killed off Mags last season because there was nowhere else to go with her, so why is Quarrels still on this mortal coil (I am assuming he did not bleed out)? Since they have him on Wynona’s ex-husband murder, and probably countless other lesser charges, the one armed man is going to be in prison for a while along with other pawns this season Dicky, Winn (another one I am surprised survived the season after Raylan threw a bullet at him earlier this season and said, “The next one is coming faster”), and Arlo (depending on whether insanity is a defense in Kentucky). Sure having him around could expand the Theo Tonin into a major plot next season. Or maybe FX is beefing up the cast of my proposed jailhouse spinoff with Dicky and Dewey Crowe that can now add those three to the cast. Please FX, make that happen.

Justified 3.x gets a on my Terror Alert Scale. You can stream episodes on Hulu. You can also download Justified on iTunes.

Previewing Don't Trust the B---- in Apartment 23

What is it with ABC and their crappy television show names? Last year they picked up two shows that had a word in them too racy for television that by the time they actually hit the small screen that they both underwent some name surgery. Last month Good Christian (Expletive Deleted) got shortened to GCB because apparently no one over at ABC realized that no one would know what the show by its initials. Then tomorrow the alphabet network premieres Don’t Trust the B---- in Apartment 23 which started out without the dashes. Both title make $#*! My Dad Says seem like a reasonable title in comparison. What worse, at some point both shows had reasonable titles: Good Christian Belles and the simple Apartment 23 but now one show is a letter away from being the date rape drug and I have no idea what the correct pronunciation of “B----“ is. But I guess I should not expect good titles from a network that gave us Happy Endings, Cougar Town, Better Off Ted and bungled what could have been the greatest name for a television show ever, Let’s Rob Mick Jagger.

Lame names aside, Apartment 23 is your typical Odd Couple situation with the overtly perky Dreama Walker (Gran Torino) and the extremely evil Krysten Ritter (Veronica Mars). Naturally Ritter plays the title character that takes in roommates then scares them off to pocket their security deposit for herself unto Walker becomes the first roommate to fight backs which endears her Ritter for some reason and they stay roommates (though a series where Ritter scares off a new roommate every week could have been entertaining).

The show plays like a middle class version of 2 Broke Girls where the newly unemployed Walker has to move in with someone completely different from who she was used to back in Ohio (or maybe Indiana). Unfortunately the show also shares Two Broke Girls’ penchant for worthless side characters. Instead of the annoyingly horny line cook, there is a annoyingly horny across the street neighbor who leers at the girls sans pants. There is Walker’s new boss who seems to only be there for one liners much like Garrett Morris. There is also someone that lives down the hall who was a former roommate victim who switches back and forth between hating Ritter and stalking her randomly.

Of course there is also James Van Der Beek (The Rules of Attraction) as Ritter’s best friend James Van Der Beek (Varsity Blues) so it looks like we will finally get the answers of just how many Dawson's Creek jokes could there possibly be. Spoiler Alert!: doubtfully enough to sustain the seven episode season let alone a long series run. It reminds me of that horrible show where Jennifer Grey (Dirty Dancing) played Jennifer Grey (Red Dawn) whose name I cannot remember and do not care enough to look up but the it was like, you know, painfully bad.

But much like how Kat Dennings carries 2 Broke Girls, Dreama Walker makes if worth turning into Apartment 23 at least in the short run (the show may need an overhaul if it comes back for a full second season), she plays the aw shucks newbie to NYC perfectly and is a spitfire when she goes head to head with Krysten Ritter who is a much stronger number two then Beth Behrs. And plus it is hard not to down with a show that features the line, “Anybody want to get weird and play Mario Kart?” Yes, yesI do.

Don’t Trust the B---- in Apartment 23 airs Wednesdays at 9:30 on ABC. If you cannot wait, the first two episodes are currently streaming on Hulu. You can also download them both on Don't Trust the B---- in Apartment 23 on iTunes for free.

I Want My Music Television - 4/9/12

There have been a couple of videos that have caught my eye lately so I thought I’d give them some love since the death of Musical Television left a void for a forum on the art form. If you are interested in buying the video through iTunes, click the title link (where available). If you are interested in buying the song, look for a link in the analysis.


Happy Pills – Norah Jones



You just knew when you heard the latest song from Norah Jones that the video would feature murdering some dude. I also like that te video featured Norah in the shower (and not just for the obvious reason) because when I first heard the song, “out, I’m gonna get you out…” made me think Happy Pills is the twenty-first century version of I'm Gonna Wash That Man Right Outa My Hair.


Blood for Poppies - Garbage



It has been bout a decade since Garbage released any new material and for the first single back, it sounds like they never left with them still making dirty pop records. Although am not totally convinced that Shirley wasn’t hermetically sealed in-between albums because she hasn’t aged a day.


Sixteen Saltines - Jack White



The newest Jack White music video features a dude eaching a penut butter and jelly sandwich of trhe ceiling and it does not even crack the top ten weirdest thing that happens in the video. Seriously.


Let's Roll - Yelawolf and Kid Rock



Didn’t Bubba Sparxxx try the hillbilly rap a decade ago and was met with a resounding yawn? I am not sure I will picking up too many Yelawolf stock.

57 Channels and Only This Is On - 4/7/12

Once Upon a Time: It was striking just how much Regina looked like Snow early in the episode to the point I thought it was Snow on the horse. I wonder if they shared the same bad wig. Of course Katharine is not dead but where has she been? Since she disappeared I assumed she was in the hospital dungeon with Belle, but considering she showed up just as Mary-Margaret’s heading to trial, I wonder if Mr. Gold had her hidden away.
You can stream current episodes on Hulu. You can also download Once Upon a Time on iTunes.

Mad Men: Wow, I really was not ready for fat Betty to the point that it was a bit distracting. I kept starring at her trying to figure out if that was really January Jones or Gwyneth Paltrow from Shallow Hal.

House of Lies: And that is how it ends, with Ronnie starting a class action lawsuit that ends her engagement. Yawn.

The Voice: After the first two rounds, Lindsey Pavao was clearly one of the two frontrunners to win the show, but she was quite lackluster this week. Lindsey’s strength is taking songs, completely flip them and sing them in her own voice, making them weirdly beautiful. The problem with her trying to sing Somebody That I Used to Know is that it is already inherently weird and she just did not add anything new to it (unless you count the Kubrickian backup dancers). What’s worse is that what really makes the song great is the female voice that comes in during the second where she just retorts everything Gotye sang in the first verse, you just never hear realtime retort in pop songs, or at least not since I Got a Man. So without that second voice, it just loses meaning and is just another, albeit weird, break up song. (Full disclosure notice: this still was the only song I bothered to download this week.)

Poor song selection seemed to be the theme of the week. Jermaine Paul, though better than Avril Lavigne, just did not mesh with the hair band song, and it did not help that he was overpowered by the band (so were Moses Stone and Ashley De La Rosa, who weirdly chose an obscure Alanis Morissette song but still made it work) . RaeLynn and Charlotte Sometimes tried different arrangements for their song and while the chorus of both songs was strong, both of their verses just did not work with the arrangement. On the flip side, the people who did chose wisely (Jordis Unga, Chris Mann, Jesse Campbell) all turned out to be major bores, or as I assume of Chris’s performance because I fell asleep after a couple bars of him singing. The weirdest song choice goes to the white chick who decided to sing Stevie Wonder’s ghetto anthem Living for the City.

There were some surprising song choices and head scratching picks to advance (how did Blake’s strongest performer Charlotte not get saved by America let alone Blake?) but by far the most shocking part of The Voice was just wow absurdly hot Christina Aguilera was and she managed to keep it up two days in a row. She has not been this attractive since the video she did with Ricky Martin and that was over ten years ago. Christina was also responsible for the funniest line when she told RaeLynn, “Are you allowed to grind your hips at that age.” Snitch please, you were barely eighteen when you were grinding your hips in the Genie In a Bottle video while telling guys to rub you the right way.



You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download songs performed this week via the widget at right.

Castle: C’mon, Biggie Slim? I am offended as an old school hip-hop fan by that name.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Castle on iTunes.

Justified: In the four person chess match (though Winn may have entered the game this week, spiting himself from Quarrels), the biggest pawn, Dickie Bennett is off the board again. Also off the board: the three million prize which is currently residing with the Van Halen hating Loretta. She better use some of the money for a personal bodyguard because I doubt Dickie will be the last person after the money. But there were way too many moves on the chessboard this week to count with all the players crossing and double crossing each other. The biggest question for next week is not who is going to die, but how many are going to end up dead.
You can stream recent episodes on Hulu. You can also download Justified on iTunes.

Survivor: One World: Easily the best part of the episode this week was Tarzan confronting Chelsea for hating him because she hated her own plastic surgeon. She clearly should not hate her plastic surgeon because I did not even realize she had any work done until Tarzan pointed it out. Maybe Tarzan, just maybe, she hates you for outing her boob job on national television. The easily the worst part of the episode was the 7-Up sponsored reward challenge that did not incorporate the classic rainy day classroom recess game Sevens Up.
You can stream recent episodes over at cbs.com.



The Big Bang Theory: There are fewer things I needed to see less than Sheldon in a Fresh Maid outfit. But anyway. Who knew Stephen Hawkins could deliver a puchline?
You can stream recent episodes over at cbs.com. You can also download The Big Bang Theory on iTunes.

Community: I wonder if this is case where the promo was actually more entertaining than the actual episode. I’m currently on the face. Maybe Leonard liking Abed’s Facebook status update pushes me over to the side of episode.
You can stream current episodes on Hulu. You can also download Community on iTunes.

Awake: I had to scratch my head when I saw the title of the episode “That’s Not My Penguin.” It made a lot more sense after watching it. But I am not sure what the significance of the ring was, Britton gets it and just goes back to sleep afterwards or did miss something.
You can stream current episodes on Hulu. You can also download Awake on iTunes.