Much has been made about the power of the internet in terms of marketing but the medium seems to cut down the people that they just built up. Howard Dean used to internet to became the front runner for the Democratic nominee until his scream became one of the first hit videos on YouTube. Recently Rolling Stone featured an article on how bloggers quickly turned on bands they just called the next big things like the Arctic Moneys and Cold War Kids. No one had a bigger build up or bigger fall than the movie Snakes on a Plane.
The internets went into full buzz mode when word broke on Aintitcool.com that New Line was putting into production a film with the working title Snakes on a Plane with Samuel L. Jackson as the lead. Websites popped up, tribute movies were uploaded to YouTube, New Line even went back and re-shot some scenes to include the infamous Jackson line after it appeared in a online comic book a fan made, and the movie may have become the very first cult to be one before it was actually released. Then the reviews started to come in and the general public turned on the movie which had a disappointing opening weekend.
The movie follows Jackson as an FBI agent who is in charge of transporting a witness to a murder from Hawaii to testify against the gangster who did it in Los Angeles. Needless to say the gangster doesn’t want the dude to testify so he had hundred of poisonous snakes released on the plane. Being a commercial flight, the plane onto which the snakes are released is full of your token stereotypes filled with C-Listers who you most likely would recognize even though you wouldn’t recognize their actual name. The only other name besides Jackson one would know is Julianna Margulies, who after this must really regret leaving ER, as a stewardess who just so happens to be on her last flight as she just passed the bar and is leaving to become a lawyer.
The rest of the cast is filled out by the chick from Clueless (the show not the movie) as the socialite complete with miniature dog, the dude from Homeboys in Outer Space as the rapper who happens to a germaphobe. One of his bodyguards is video game obsessed and played by the current token black dude for Saturday Night Live. The token hot chick from The New Guy is your flirty stewardess while Todd Packer from The Office is your horny pilot. On the ground, the dude from High Fidelity not named John Cusack or Jack Black is the snake expert who races to find anti-venom to treat the survivor when, or if, they reach LA. And poor Tim Riggins, he was the first to go, but at least he did so while joining the Mile High Club.
And of course with that as your movie, the bad reviews came pouring in which I never understood. What were all those people expecting, the Citizen Kane of disaster movies? The movie is called Snakes on a Plane, you should know from the title if you are going to like it or not. But for those of us who sat back and took the movie for what it was thoroughly enjoyable. In fact, I’m not sure if it was the intent, but Snakes on a Plane was one of the funniest movies in recent memories thanks in part to one of the most improbable ending of all time. Now is it too early to get some early buzz on the hopeful sequel, Snakes on a Boat, Snakes on a Train, and/or Snakes on a Spaceship?
Back for its fourteenth go around, Survivor remains a water cooler event even if people around the water cooler spend more time talking about how the show isn’t as good as past seasons. Even last season’s much hyped Race Wars theme lost some of allure after breaking up the racial groups two episodes in. For this season, set in Fiji, even though the cast isn’t divided up by race again this season it remains just as diverse as the last. The biggest surprise this season is the show is taking a page out of the Flavor of Love playbook with ridiculous nicknames including Dreamz (yes with a “Z”), Boo, Rocky, Mookie, and Yau Man (actually the last two may actually be their real names.
Okay, maybe the whole one team lives in the lap of luxury while the other has to get by with nothing may be the bigger surprise had the exact same thing was the exact same twist on executive producers other realty show, The Apprentice this season. I wonder if tribe will switch camps depending on who wins the reward challenge or if each tribe is stuck like this until a merge. Another twist in the game this season is that there are not one, but two hidden immunity idols. Maybe with more of them this season, one will actually get played unlike the last two.
As mentioned in the intro, despite people still tuning in, the show has lost its luster and I think I may have pinpointed the reason. As with most reality shows, Survivor lives and dies with its casting, but two things have happened with the show in recent years that combined hurt the show. Even though Survivor does a great job of casting as there is usually a villain and someone to cheer for in every season, but in recent years they have added way too many people with the last couple seasons having twenty constants instead of sixteen like the early years (only nineteen this season as one dropped out just hours before shooting). Couple that with the show no longer having extended premieres like they used to going ninety to two hours before voting anyone off making it harder for us to meet the new cast thus it takes longer for personalities to emerge. And while on the subject of casting, the show did a horrible recruiting any token hot chicks this season. Add to that one of the few serviceable girls were voted off first.
But anyways, here are some predictions
Most Interesting Day Job: Expert Witness Locator Will be Most Loved: Yau-Man Chan Will be Most Hated: Andria "Dreamz" Herd Most Likely to Quit: Well the chick that already did Most Likely to Hook Up: Mookie Lee and Stacy Kimball Most Likely to be Stuck on Exile Island the Most: James "Rocky" Reid Girl whom I still have dirty, dirty sex with even if she hadn’t showered for a month: Michelle Yi Next to be voted off: Gary Stritesky Winner: Earl Hickey Cole
Verdict: Much like a crack addict, I just can’t stop. Stream the latest episodes of Survivor: Fiji over at Innertube or download them on iTunes.
After three months, Lost finally came back and before the show I could care less. And a lot has changed to Wednesday since the show was last seen two. After the Fall Finale, there wasn’t anything worth watching on the day, but now it is almost as crowded as Mondays and Thursdays with Friday Night Lights moving there, Beauty and the Geek returning (although it ends next week), and the debut of the hilarious Let’s Rob Mick Jagger also known as Knights of Prosperity. And not only is Lost back, it is sadly at a new time because once again ABC and the show thought people lost viewers in the second season because it was up against karaokers not because it just wasn’t as good, same with the lame excuse that reruns were hurting the show’s creativity. But after last night’s episode, which was season one good, I’m back on board… for now. And since they were both on last night, it time for the first Toss Up of the year against Veronica Mars:
Disturbing Pregnancy Lost: Juliet impregnated a male rat Veronica Mars: Dick may have been the father of Bonnie’s baby Winner: Lost
Case of the Ex Lost: Juliet is caught stealing by her ex-husband while he was hooking up with the new “lab assistant” Veronica Mars: Dick had to learn that his best friend hooked up with his ex-girlriend from Ronnie Winner: Veronica Mars
Bad Hair Day Lost: Juliet in the past Veronica Mars: Madison in the present Winner: Lost
MIA Lost: All the original Losties but Jack, Kate, and Sawyer Veronica Mars: Everyone except those with the last names Mars or Navarro. Winner: Lost
Love Quadrangle Lost: Sawyer, Kate, Jack, Juliet Veronica Mars: Ronnie, Logan, Madison, Dick Winner: Veronica Mars
Breaking In Lost: Kate, Sawyer, and Alex broke into the facility to get Alex’s boyfriend Veronica Mars: Ronnie broke in to Not-Lucky’s office to see his browser history Winner: Lost
Caught on Film Lost: Juliet found the trio when they showed up on the video monitor Veronica Mars: The church people caught Ronnie coming out of the clinic Winner: Lost
Commercials Lost: Just your run of the mill ads Veronica Mars: If you were in a certain area, you may have seen the marriage proposal that was supposed to run during the Super Bowl as Veronica Mars was the chick’s favorite show Winner: Veronica Mars
On the Inside Lost: Ben used to have a tumor Veronica Mars: Dick may have a wadded up Maxim magazine where his heart should be Winner: Veronica Mars
Shocker Lost: Ben is Alex’s dad Veronica Mars: Ronnie ended up not having Madison’s car cubed Winner: Lost
So Lost is back with a vengeance but there may be something that the two best episodes in this short season focused solely on the Other’s camp. And much like the season premiere, this episode started off with a Juliet flashback with the big shocker that Ethan was in it, and the bigger shock, they were both in Miami. And the even bigger shocker, she impregnated a dude rat. We also learn that Juliet may not have willingly stayed on the island, which is of course why she may have wanted Not-Henry dead. No there is how you do a flashback on Lost.
But the biggest shock of them all came when we learn that Not-Henry was Alex’s dad, or at least that is what he is referred to. If Not-Henry is really her biological father, Lost has a lot of explaining to do because Rousseau didn’t recognize him when she caught her in her next last season. My working theory is Not-Henry steals young kids because he can’t have then himself so he steals them and raises them as his own and brought in Juliet to help create his own (but hopefully not to impregnate himself, but in another woman).
No impregnated dudes on Veronica Mars this week but the thought of daddy Dick is almost as disturbing. Didn’t Ronnie tell those two to make sure to use protection? Somewhat of a down episode as I could care less about Bonnie or Not-Lucky (I have a feeling that he will find out Ronnie was in his office) and the roommate turning out to be the culprit seemed like a stretch. Plus I don’t like Ronnie turning soft at the end, starting to forgive Madison. Hopefully that wasn’t the start of Vee beginning to forgive Logan because the show is much better when they are at odds.
Case in point, the banter between Ronnie and her nemesis Dick again was the best part of the episode. I loved when Vee just randomly blurted out the Logan and Madison hookup just to hurt him and Dick suggesting he would be Ronnie’s rebound leading to the best line of the night, “Look, if we’re not going to have an empty sexual encounter I kind of have stuff to do, sooo…” I was also glad to see the dude from 21 Jump Street back if only because he was my initial lead suspect in the Dean O’Dell case.
Next week on Lost unfortunately we get back to the main camp with a Desmond-centric episode. Keep in mind the last one was the first and only episode where we saw something off the island that wasn’t a flashback.
Veronica Mars actually had a promo that didn’t suck as there was no hint of relationship stuff in site. The show looks like it will be in fine form next week and for those that don’t mind spoilers, you definitely want to head over to CWTV.com to see a Director’s Cut scene from the episode that has a shocking surprise from Dick.
After the debacle that was the Bo Bice album, I had sworn off karaoke rejects. Seriously, if you don’t win, you should be forced back to your job at Kinko’s, America doesn’t want you. And it’s not even as if some of the winners were much better, latest seen with the bland Taylor Hicks album. But Katharine McPhee was nice enough to send me a Christmas gift and since fit the mold of the former karaoker that sucked the least, Kelly Clarkson and Carrie Underwood, I though I give her self titled album a listen. All three have that girl next door quality but the biggest difference of course is that McPhee lost, and not only did she lose, she lost to the weakest Karaoke winner of them all. Which could explain why Clarkson’s and Underwood’s first album covers played up that girl next door sweetness and McPhee had to go straight to the streetwalker getup with the spread legs. And what is up with the Cher-hair circa the late eighties?
Luckily for McPhee this review isn’t about fashion, but the music. The album itself starts of strong with the cheery Love Story which has that old time block party feel to it and has just the right amount of horns and bongos to it and the back up singers really help the sing along melody. That’s followed up by Over It that sounds like something from a young female sponsored by the Disney Channel in that it catchy in a good cheesy kind of way but at the end of the day it’s the most disposable of all disposable pop. In fact the whole album could easily be mistaken for a Disney album for the High School Musical set with its girl anthems and puppy love songs that never cross the line over PG-13 over watered down hip hop beats.
And those girls are laughable at best with Open Toes quite possible being the dumbest song ever written. It’s disturbing that it took six people, McPhee included, to write an ode to a girl’s favorite type of shoes. And just to clear up a line in the song where McPhee declares, “Cuz I know them boys, they like those open toes.” Um no, no we don’t. You could wear clogs for all we care because most dudes’ eyes don’t bother to look down that far. Dangerous reminds me too much of Nell Furtado’s Maneater, and that is not a good thing. Do What You Do is a clumsy attempt at a club hit but if this were ever to come on in a club, you would see the longest lines at the bathrooms. Well unless maybe if it’s a Middle School dance.
McPhee is most likely at her best during the ballads but one can’t help to think how they could have sounded if they were recorded by other seasoned artist. Home is decent, but it could have been much better had Christina Aguilera got it first. Each Other sounds like vintage Mariah Carey (i.e. pre-Honey) but with McPhee it’s mediocre at best while Mariah would have made it a smash hit. McPhee tries to channel her inner-Whitney Houston on Ordinary World but just can’t pull it off grandeur the song should have at its climax. Neglected is a decent kiss off song, but in the pantheon of post karaoke kiss off songs, it is a distant third behind Since U Been Gone and Before He Cheats. And it is not a good sign when a singer is outshined by her backup singers like McPhee is on the song. But at the end of the day Katharine McPhee is actually the second best post-karaokers album I’ve heard. Take that how you will.
As I stated in my Rules of Engagement Preview, I was torn on the show because it’s from the Happy Madison production company (as in Adam Sandler) but it stars David Spade who I can only take in small doses. The show centers around two couples with Spade as the third, um, I guess he would be the fifth wheel in this scenario. The show kicks off with an engagement which was done primarily because the boyfriend, Oliver Hudson (Goldie Hawn’s son) needed a place to stay and though what better time to propose than the night he moved in with his girlfriend, Bianca Kajlich (Rock Me Baby; you know, that sitcom with Dan Cortese. No? Um never mind then).
With a new couple in her building, the wife in the older couple, Megyn Price (Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector) decides that her and her husband, Patrick Warburton (Emperor’s New Groove), need more couple friends, well on account that they didn’t have any previously, and hilarity ensues. No seriously, this isn’t an idiom, the show is funny at points, including Spade (also Emperor’s New Groove) who is Hudson’s old running buddy during his single days whereas Spade still enjoys the single life. And actually the best part of the first episode was the verbal jousting that Spade and Warburton had. In fact was pitch point in every delivery making some jokes that shouldn’t have been funny work. Granted he wasn’t quite Rockefeller Butts funny.
The weakest link on Rules of Engagement though is the younger couple. Hudson apparently inherited absolutely no comic timing from his mother because it was sometimes painful to watch when he tried to land what should have been a funny line. His television wife didn’t fare much better either. And yeah, it’s only been one episode, but I’m not entirely sure what I’m supposed to thing of Spade, is his character changing already? Is the nurse going to become a fixture? Just a weird ending with him in the episode.
Verdict: Even though I’m not the biggest Heroes supporter, Rules of Engagement won’t make me switch the channel to catch it. But it is definitely worth checking out on CBS’s Innertube where you can stream episodes with limited commercial interruptions.
In other TV news, Friday Night Lights finally hits iTunes today. And not only is now on iTunes, you can download the Pilot episode for free. So if you have yet to give the show a try, what better way to start than now where you can see it without commercials and without having to pay a cent for it. So click on the name to check the show out or just to watch it again.
Before I get into the big show yesterday, and more importantly the commercials, let me first chastise Saturday Night Live for not resurrecting Da Bears. Even a crappy Da Bears skit would have been funnier than anything else that was on that show. Instead they resurrected another skit the Donnatella Versace Show and instead of bringing back George Wendt they brought back Horatio Sanz. Luckily Lily Allen saved the show otherwise it would have been a waste.
As for the game itself, I would again like to point out that I called the Indianapolis Colts over the Chicago Bears way back in September and was pretty close picking the actual score (I had 27-12 which isn’t that far from 29-17). So screw Miss Cleo, if you want to know what will happen next in your life call me, of course for a small fee. And I have to say that I much prefer the whole Super Bowl in inclement weather thing too, makes the game much more excited. In the first quarter alone there was three lost fumbles, two back to back, and an interception. The only bad thing about the weather was the one camera that was foggy all game, I though I was watching a cheesy dream sequence whenever they went to that camera.
But the Super Bowl is less about the actual game as the other bells and whistles throughout the game. It started off with some Cirque de Soleil stuff. Seriously, can we save this artistic crap for the opening ceremonies at the Olympics? Included in this performance was some dude named Louie Vega, At first I though it was Mambo King Lou Bega. The opening of the Kickoff Show is usually very well produced and this year was no different as the family segment definitely passed the Goosebumps test.
The Halftime Show starts off with the moron Shannon Sharp continually talking about what Chicago needed to do to get back in the game even though they were only down by two points. If you are within a touchdown you are, by definition, in the game. Luckily that ended soon and went to the second best Halftime Show ever (I still have U2 at number one). Seriously how better can it get that Prince singing Purple Rain in the rain? Yeah it could have been better had he sung more of his own songs as we really didn’t need to here his version of Best of Me. But interestingly enough the Foo Fighters recently covered Prince’s Darling Nikki. And even though he’s Born Again, Prince still seemed to get in a very phallic pose during the curtain segment. Miss the performance or like me and want to see it again, check out the videos below , well before YouTube will undoubtedly pulls it:
Now onto the most important part of the Super Bowl, the commercials. Much like recent year, none really stood out. Oddly not that many movies this year as Hollywood usually uses the Super Bowl to roll out its summer blockbusters. Then there was CBS that used about 70% of their ads to promote CSI and Survivor, their two most watched shows. Here’s something I never understand, why networks always promote shows that everyone already watches and not the ones that have low ratings? And I was shocked to learn the Shark is the most watched new show. But anyways. You can watch, and vote for your favorite over at YouTube but first here is the list of ads that flushed 2.5 million dollars down the drain:
1. Mapasaurus - some GPS 2. Car Machine Suicide - GM 3. Heart Under Attack - Beatyourrisk.com 4. Sheryl Crow - Revlon 5. Marketing Department - Godaddy.com 6. Connectile Dysfunction - Sprint 7. Dudes Washing Car - Chevy
And now the best:
1. Robert Goulet - Emerald Nuts 2. Gay Kiss - Snickers 3. Rock Paper Scissors - Bud Light 4. Mouse - Blockbuster 5. Auction Wedding - Bud Light 6. Chad Johnson’s Party - Some Beer 7. Beard Combover - Sierra Mist Free 8. Survive the Workday - Careerbuilder.com 9. Moon Office - Fed Ex 10. Car Crash - Doritos Old Dude - Coke 11. Truck Coming Together - Ford 12. Hitchhiker - Bud Light 13. Federline - Nationwide 14. Slap Replacing Hand Bump - Bud Light 15. Bank Robbery - E*Trade
Quote of the Week: And then you frakked. (Ronnie, Veronica Mars)
Song of the Week: Kiss Me - Sixpence None the Richer (Played during Eugene’s homosex date, Knights of Prosperity)
Big News of the Week: The Grammy’s are nice enough to give their opening slot to a little known band called The Police. My sources tell me they will be huge.
Theme of the Week: Dudes lie even when they don’t have to. On Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip Tom would have been better off telling Lucy (who definitely cleaned up nicely at the award dinner) the truth, that he was forced on the date. On Friday Night Lights Julie seemed way more upset that Matt lied about the calendar than actually being in it. Even after Veronica Mars gave Logan a free pass he still chose to lie and there is a good chance that the lying will be the one thing she can’t get past. Of course the classic example reared its ugly head again when Clark didn’t tell Lana about his abilities.
Heroes: I try to avoid most spoilers, but casting news if one of the few spoilers I don’t mind but they really ruined this episode more than if they focused the whole episode on Nicki. First it was impossible not to know that Sulu would be Hiro’s father as they have hyped his appearance for over a month now so it was pretty obvious early on that he was the big boss. Also there was no drama in Claire trying to find her mother, the chick from Boston Public, because the preview from last week gave away that ending. At least the third big reveal did come as a shock as Sylar has recovered, although I don’t remember them ever explaining how he didn’t break out earlier when he killed Eden. You can check out this episode with commentary from Greg Grunberg (the cop) and Hayden Panettiere (the cheerleader) over at NBC.com.
Veronica Mars: One thing I forgot to mention during I Like This Show, it’s Tawdry is that why did they bring up the Mexico storyline again. I thought it assumed that the Lilth House did another of their fake rapes that night. Oh and exchanging Mandy Moore for the Aerie Girls: Upgrade. Check out the latest episode of Veronica Mars and Beauty and the Geek over at CWTV.com.
Beauty and the Geek: There is just something wrong with the three least deserving beauties are the last three standing. I can actually feel my IQ drop whenever Megan (I’m a good screwer) or C.C. (Trashy not classy) open their mouths.
Let’s Rob Mick Jagger: With his longwinded suggestion on what to do if the homosex dude tried to kiss Eugene, Rockefeller Butts has vaulted over Parker and Landry as the best new character on television this season. Check out the latest episode over at ABC.com.
Friday Light Lights: How random was Julie hanging out with Tyra? The scene with them at Matt’s grandma, painting her toenails while listening to SexyBack was the most disturbingly entertaining scene of the week. Bonus points to the show for references the Old 97’s (even though Julie ended up not going to the concert). Check out the latest episode over at NBC.com.
Smallville: This show is at its best when it is campy and tongue in cheek about the Superman mythology and the first half of this episode was a great example of that. But then there was the shocker of an ending that Lana isn’t having a “normal” pregnancy that Lex isn’t telling her about. It is safe to say that the child won’t make it to see their first birthday, but I have a sinking suspicion that Lana won’t make it either.
My Name Is Earl: There was nothing funnier on television this week than Mr. Giggle-Belly. Nothing. On the other hand, the sex scene was the most disturbing of the week. Check out the latest episode over at NBC.com.
Promo of the Week: This is possible the funniest thing I see in a while (even funnier than Mr. Giggle-Belly) and watched it too man times since I saw it over at Give Me My Remote.
Pick of the Week: The Grammy’s Awards, 8:00 Sunday on CBS. Yeah, last year wasn’t really a good year for music, but this is by far the best award show of the year. This year you can expect performances by Christina Aguilera, Beyoncé, Mary J. Blige, the Dixie Chicks, Gnarls Barkley, Ludacris, the Red Hot Chili Peppers, Carrie Underwood, and Justin Timberlake with some random chick plus John Legend, John Mayer, and Corinne Bailey Rae take the stage together. Oh yeah, and don’t be late because The Police reunion kicks off the show (had you asked me a month ago what three bands I wanted to see get back together I would have said The Police, Rage Against the Machine and the classic Van Halen lineup; so naturally it was a great week for me hearing all three were getting back together this week).
I’m not sure if I am going to watch the new show Rules of Engagement which premieres this Monday, Feburary 5th at 9:30 on CBS. On one hand the show is a Happy Madison production (Adam Sandler’s production company). On the other hand I’m not the biggest fan of David Spade. Then add that to Monday not being the best time for me as I have a late class and Everybody Hates Chris, How I Met Your Mother, Heroes, Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip and The (White) Rapper Show already on my schedule that day. Seriously, can’t any network put something worth watching on Tuesdays or Sundays beside Veronica Mars? But anyway. Here is the show synopsis, some promotional pictures (click to enlarge) and some clips from the show:
RULES OF ENGAGEMENT, a comedy about different phases of the male/female relationship as seen through the eyes of a newly-engaged couple Adam (Oliver Hudson, Kate’s brother) and Jennifer (Bianca Kajlich, Boston Public), a long-married pair Jeff (Patrick Warburton, Seinfeld) and Audrey (Megyn Price, Grounded for Life) and a single guy on the prowl, Russell (David Spade, Saturday Night Live). As the five find out, the often confusing stages of a relationship can seem like being on a roller coaster. People can describe them to you, but to really know what its like, you have to take the ride yourself.
For years the British have tried to break into the American market, some that have lived up to the hype (Arctic Monkeys), some have haven’t (The Darkness), but one thing they all have in common is that none have really made any impact stateside. And the ones that are able to score a hit (James Blunt) fall back into obscurity once that one song has run its course. But even though there hasn’t been many breakout stars from England since the second British Invasion back in the eighties, they continue to come, the latest import being Lily Allen. The sassy Brit has seen her album Alright, Still hit the top of the charts across the world except the largest market in the world.
The album was released across Europe back in July of last year and the buzz here in America started coming in not too long afterwards thanks to a mention in Rolling Stone’s Download Now section long before most American’s knew her name and the globalization of the internet with sites like MySpace and YouTube (I mentioned her here at the 9th Green back in October). And anyone who watches Aerie Tuesdays on The CW (and if you aren’t watching Veronica Mars, you should be) have already been introduced Ms. Allen whether you knew are not as her song, Say What You Say, is the song that plays in the Aerie commercial.
After all the hype, we Americans were finally able to get our hands on the full length album and it definitely was as advertised. The album opens with one of the best piss off songs of all time, Smile where Allen ends up getting the last laugh when the guy that broke her heart comes crawling back and she can turn him down this time. She’s not done with the dude as later on the album there is Not Big about, um, well I’m sure you can figure that out and being not big is actually one of the nicer insults slung throughout that song. But the funniest stuff is reserved for her very own little brother Alfie who gets a song named after him where Lily, in true big sister mode, rags on him for sitting around all day smoking weed and playing computer games.
Ladies, Allen has you in her crosshairs too. On Friday Night, she takes on the Queen B’s and Wannabe’s that hang out in clubs and warns them, “Don’t try to test me ‘cause you’ll get a reaction.” Look out old people because you are on her list too because after hearing a list of cliché’s like “All that glitters is not gold” on Say What You Say, Allen shoots back to who she referenced to as a horse with, “What the (expletive deleted) do you know? Just ‘cause you’re old you think your wise.” Her own friends aren’t above ridicule either as seen in the hilarious bonus track on the American release, Nan You’re a Window Shopper, a send up of the 50 Cent song (watch out “Weird Al”). Allen actually shows her softer side on Littlest Things where she actually fondly reminisces on a past relationship that borrows a little too much from Radiohead’s Karma Police at the start of the song.
Allen’s wordplay is refreshing and you’ll spend a good chuck of your first listen going “Oh, snap” at the things to say, the best of the worst being, “Oh my gosh you must be joking me if you think that you’ll be poking me” in Shame for You as well as everything in the stop hitting on me song, Knock ‘Em Out. Plus she gets extra points for being to rhyme “al fresco” during LDN. Every once in a while some British slang seeps in, but unlike most other foreigners (Lady Sovereign), the way Allen delivers them, it more enduring than annoying like when she talks about the filth (cops), and feel free to insert your own Grey’s Anatomy joke regarding the line, “She looks in her bag, takes out a fag, tries to get away from the guy on a blag.”
What sets Allen apart from the long list of white girls ripping off black music (see Fergie, Gwen Stefani, their many copycats) is all in the delivery. Each lyric play off the music brilliantly, thanks in part to producer Mark Rondon. This isn’t more evident than on LDN that bounces along with happy horns and Allen singing “Sun is in the sky, oh why, oh why, would I wanna be anywhere else” in the chorus, but at heart, the verses deal with pimps, crack whores, and hooligans robbing old ladies. A close second is the brother bashing Alfie but the track is backed by an upbeat brass section that wouldn’t sound out of place in a musical.
Want to see what all the hype is about, be sure to check out Ms. Allen tomorrow on Saturday Night Live. Also with all my take about chicks with ugly looking bangs (see Public Service Announcement), if you want to see how bangs can look good on a woman, check out how Lily sports them.
… 2 get through this thing called life. Electric word life, it means forever and that's a mighty long time but I’m here 2 tell u there’s something else… The afterworld. A world of never ending happiness, u can always see the sun, day or night. So when u call up that shrink in Beverly Hills, u know the one - Dr Everything Will Be Alright. Instead of asking him how much of your time is left, Ask him how much of your mind, baby. ‘Cuz in this life things are much harder than in the afterworld. In this life you're on your own. And if de-elevator tries 2 bring u down: Go crazy.
And with those lines starts the greatest movie soundtrack of all time. And unlike other soundtracks that cherry pick the best from multiple artists, the only one who wrote and preformed all the songs on the soundtrack to Purple Rain was Prince, along with The Revolution who get their first billing on the album, which is why it is this month’s induction to the Scooter Hall of Fame. Even over twenty after the fact, that opening, Let’s Go Crazy can kick start any party into high gear with its infectious beat and sing along lyrics. I Would Die 4 U which morphs effortlessly into Baby I’m a Star is another great dance track that is sometimes lost amidst all the classic songs on the album but still hold up to this day.
But without the classic tracks on the album, there is still one song that stands above the rest, be it this album or the broader range of eighties songs: When Doves Cry. The song actually does a much better time conveying the message of the movie in six minutes than the actual movie does itself. And you have not lived until you have heard my drunken karaoke version of When Doves Cry. The Beautiful Ones is in the same vein as When Doves Cry but instead of family the song deals more with other personal relationships but is just as funky as well as delivered in Prince’s trademark falsetto. Plus “the beautiful ones always seem to lose” is one of my favorite lines to quote. The album closes with the title track which doesn’t get the deserved credit of being one of the greatest epic songs of all time up there with Free Bird, Stairway to Heaven and November Rain.
Aside from being one of the best albums of all time, the Purple Rain Soundtrack is historic in a different way. You can thank it for the Parental Advisory stickers that sporadically pop up on album covers. As the legend goes, Tipper Gore, as in Al’s wife, and her young girls enjoyed Let’s Go Crazy that they kept on hearing on the radio, she decided to buy the album. Apparently Tipper didn’t like her young children hearing the opening line to Darling Nikki, “I knew a girl named Nikki I guess u could say she was a sex fiend. I met her in a hotel lobby (expletive deleted) with a magazine.” Instead of placing the blame on herself for being a horrible parent who didn’t fully monitor her children’s life, she instead got her senator husband to call a Congressional Hearing on the matter which led to the stickers. If only Tipper had listened to the song backward she would have heard the subliminal message, “Hello, how are you? I'm fine, ‘cause I know that the Lord is coming soon. Coming, coming soon” playing at the end of the song.
Prince will most likely be playing one or two songs from this album during the Super Bowl halftime show this weekend even though he said he was retiring his old hits a couple years back. I really doubt the Super Bowl committee signed him up to play the song from Happy Feet. Anyways, it is someone an odd choice to have Prince play considering I believe the last time CBS held the Super Bowl the term “wardrobe malfunction” was coined even though the first “wardrobe malfunction” I ever remember seeing on television was during Prince’s performance of Gett Off during the MTV Video Music Awards. Hopefully this time around he doesn’t have any holes in his pants.
Excuse me while I pick my jaw up off the floor. Holy Madison Sinclair sighting! If you haven’t seen Poughkeepsie, Tramps, and Thieves, or you are like me and need to see it again, you can check out Veronica Mars two different ways; first you can download it at iTunes are stream it over at CWTV.com. For those that did see it, let’s start with the most important news of the week, the return of Madison Sinclair and boy has time not been good to her. Serious ladies, I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, the uber-bangs make you look horrible, just stop it.
But it wasn’t how bad she looked that made me have to scrap my jaw off the floor, no it was the revelation that she and Logan hooked up in Aspen. When she first showed up (and finally realized that it was her) I was fully expecting she was going to turn out to be a hooker. But the Logan thing was way more shocking. And even though we didn’t actually hear it this episode, it is safe to assume this is what Ronnie just can’t get past that was alluded to in last week’s promo. I really can’t blame her because if I were a chick I wouldn’t want to date someone who hooked up with someone that has both Dick and Lamb on her résumé. Granted having sex with Kendall while I was in the very next room would have been a deal breaker for me, but I’m silly like that.
The shocking return of Madison Sinclair aside, this episode possibly had the best one-liners ever when Dick was MIA. Yeah they laid on the Battlestar Galactica references a bit too much (I don’t speak geek, although I’m semi-fluent in nerd) but at least they ended the conversation with the best line of the night, “and then you frakked.” Then Lamb spotting Keith in his sheriff outfit was just another classic scene. And after Keith’s visit to the Lilth’s Girls I’m beginning to think that maybe who Dean said, “What are you doing here?” may not be the same person that killed him and he may have had multiple visitors that night.
As for the case of making the happy hooker not so happy, this was one of the better mysteries of the week and does good paralleling the Logan/Vee relationship where the dude was willing to look past her, um past, as long as she is truthful. And of course we know how that turned out. Plus the scene where Ronnie was searching for the hooker on the escort website with the friends was again classic Veronica. I wonder who the lucky writer that got to do the research for that scene was. But I was a little surprised that Vee seemed sad for the guy for spending all the money on the girl just for her to leave him when she knew that he got money from his term paper business though I loved their discussion about cheating for an Ethics class.
And to anyone who thinks that Ronnie is really pregnant: You, my sir, are a moron.
It’s not even May yet but the best Mother’s Day present was just released today. And if you are a mother, I hate to spoil what you will be getting, but there is a good chance if you don’t get the standard bouquet or chocolates in four months, you will be unwrapping Not Too Late, the latest album from Norah Jones, to complete your set of the singer’s albums. The previous two of which sold an astounding thirty million copies and garnered her eight Grammy Awards solely on the strength of just one hit. Of course back in 2002 the slow jazz feel of Don’t Know Why was a breath of fresh air back hip-pop and pseudo-punk ruled the radio. Well maybe not that much has changed in the five years since.
Norah rarely deviates from her trademark, insomnia curing sound for most of the album. But there are some signs that she is breaking out of the mold and going back even deeper into Americana. My Dear Country does a much better job at making a speakeasy ditty than anything from the Outkast movie set in the same timeframe. Thanks to some cellos and bowed bass Sinkin’ Soon also has an old-time feel to it while at the same time sounding like it wouldn’t have been out of place on the latest Fiona Apple. Even though it still sounds more like her pervious work, The Sun Doesn’t Like You drives along like a summer afternoon. Well maybe drives Miss Daisy along like a summer afternoon.
The biggest change on the album though is that she has a writing credit on all thirteen tracks; for those keeping track that is six more than on her previous two albums combined. And from the lyrics it seems she’s not that happy with titles like The Sun Doesn’t like You, Not My Friend, and Broken. She’s not too happy about our government either as seen in the biting My Dear Country with lines like, “’Cause we believed in our candidate, but even more it’s the one we hate.” Is she talking about Bush? Kerry? Gore? Does it really matter because we always seem to lose either way? The song opens up with the irony that our elections are held not that far away from Halloween.
The war also gets mentioned as Jones plays the role of a consoler for a wife who has lost her husband in the opening track Wish I Could. With some of the political leaning in other songs it easy to assume that Sinkin’ Soon could be a metaphor about the botched post-Katrina cleanup effort. And again, choose your favorite scapegoat to play the captain in the line, “With a captain who's too proud to say that he dropped the oar.” Do we really need Norah Jones on a soapbox? Not really. But no one’s really paying attention to the lyrics anyways, so just put the album on and relax. Well until you pass the album onto your mother in May.
So just how far down do you wanna go where we can talk it out over a cup of Joe and you can stare deep into my eyes like I was a Supermodel. Oops, that’s the opening to The Refreshments Banditos. That’s not to be confused with the little seen Bandidas. Of course the team of Salma Hayek and Penélope Cruz don’t really scream comedy gold. But oddly this buddy flick works being at the very least entertaining. Although this asks the question, if the two leads are female, should it instead be called a gal pal flick? Obviously the name “chick flick” is already taken for a different genre.
The film takes place in the turn of the century Mexico where an evil land baron (is there any other kind), played by Dwight Yoakam (Friday Night Lights, the movie not television show), is doing everything he needs to do get a railroad built across the country. He also did some nefarious deeds to get control of the local banks for us Yankees. Two of his targets include a farmer and the owner of various properties who both get shot by his hand. This leads the daughter of the farmer (Cruz) and property owner (Hayek) to rob the same bank in revenge not knowing the other had the same plan. But under the tutelage of famous bank robber Sam Shepard (The Notebook) they learn to trust each other (don’t they always).
With comedy not being their forte, the girls bring in Steve Zahn (Sahara) to play up the laughs as a clumsy but brilliant criminal investigator (is there any other kind) brought in by Yoakam to catch the Bandidas. Unfortunately Zahn is responcible for the only nude scene in the movie despite the massive amount of cleavage throughout. And it’s that cleavage that helps them take Zahn a hostage not as if any red blooded male wouldn’t willing go with Hayek and Cruz. Hilarity ensues, much of which is predictable and clichéd but the movie still is worth the time f you have an hour and a half to spare.
Quote of the Week: “Listen, I’m gonna break it down for you alright. If you switch over to my side I’ll give you my solemn word of honor I will have sex with you.” “I long to see the sunlight in your hair and tell you time and time again how much I care. Hello.” “Please, stop singing at me.” “Hello” (Rockefeller Butts trying to change the Token Hot Chick’s vote, Knights of Prosperity)
Song of the Week: One Week - Barenaked Ladies (Veronica Mars; see the scene below thanks to YouTube)
Big News of the Week: The Knights are on the move. Starting this week, ABC is switching the funniest new show of the season, Knights of Prosperity with According to Jim so be sure to turn in a half an hour earlier this Wednesday at 8:30 to see if the Knight get closer to robbing Mick Jagger. Unfortunately this conflicts with Friday Night Lights and Beauty and the Geek but all three are available for streaming on their respective websites so no excuses to miss any of them.
This week should be another instant classic when Eugene has to decide whether he will take one for the team when one of Jagger’s bodyguards comes on to him. I’m not sure if this will be a weekly occurrence but you can catch an extra episode this Tuesday at 9:30 featuring the one where the Token Hot Chick gets the guys some self defense training. And you can always check out the latest episodes of the show over at ABC.com.
Surreal Life Fame Games: I’m not sure what I find more disturbing: Brigitte Neilson hooking up with Chyna or Brigitte Neilson hooking up with Ron Jeremy.
How I Met Your Mother: I really didn’t like how they depicted Barney in the past couple week almost humanizing him, but it was nice to see the original Barney back this week.
Everybody Hates Chris: Chris hauling around an egg brought back some painful memories. Needless to say I failed. Luckily there aren’t any little Scooters running around… that I know of. Hopefully I don’t get a call from Montell or Maury anytime soon. Check out this episode at CWTV.com.
Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip: After a week opening segment, the show gets back into fine form where it is hard to decide which storyline was the best this week, Jordan’s battle with the new VP of Illiterate Programming, Simon battling the new writer, Chandler battling to win the E-bay action, or Ed Asner battling the board. Granted I’m not entirely sure what he and Jack are up to with the Asian deal. Check out this episode over at NBC.com.
The (White) Rapper Show: I loved how the dude from Brand Nubian grilled Jon Brown on that silly Ghetto Revival crap. I guess when you are an entity you don’t need to fully think your catchphrases.
The State of the Union: I peeked in on it during the commercial breaks of Veronica Mars and I love how they show you the name when they do reaction in the crowd shot like it’s the Oscars. I’m just waiting for when one of the networks brings in Joan Rivers for a red carpet before one of these things because who doesn’t want to know where Nancy Pelosi got her pantsuit from.
Friday Night Lights: After the opening scene of this episode, I’m ready to call the Taylor’s the best nuclear family on television. Then I don’t know what was funnier, when coach used the same motivational speech the radio host used or that his offensive coordinator loves that show. One of the great parts about this show is how each character, big or small, is pitch point, but after two episodes, Tyra’s mom is the one misstep. Also two weeks without Landry is two weeks too long. Check out this episode over at NBC.com.
Smallville: Mmm, a superhero who after hit with something then all of the sudden wakes up in a mental institute where the last five years was all a dream. Yeah this was a complete rip off of a season six episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. And totally inferior as Normal Again was one of my favorite hours of television ever.
Pick of the Week: Super Bowl XLI - Sunday, 6:25 CBS - Chicago Bears, Indianapolis Colts, Prince at halftime, Billy Joel does the anthem, and the best commercials of the year including one moron who dropped $2.5 million to propose to his girlfriend during the game. If you are like me and want to make a day of it, Road to the Super Bowl starts at noon.
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on my Terror Alert Scale.
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on my 
, you should be) have already been introduced Ms. Allen whether you knew are not as her song, Say What You Say, is the song that plays in the Aerie commercial.![Terror Alert Level: High [ORANGE]](https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhebDZ0qqwOVKMZj7oFSUe8Hm3ax54U9Hp1fThJPgiddTyzcdwx_5SV6E3b7hkKyxbaDiym4COmUXT2YJnsKCUjBHI_a2xZtNoY7qFQRslP5AGO5gLkJwn2ZbO0wIF80ycbKrgPPA/s400/small_high.png)
on my 
![Terror Alert Level: Elevated [YELLOW]](https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6-iVFV0hXCTSYP16K_V0Rrxp3GqFrtBIJKeTUyQ2LpxZQ9XKHFj6QGtqqa7oxhLadLV8vUj8R84AftD8IKUSfN0u_u0CYDtJwhrpCPN2DBWquAIDv0jbVlhZL0mDFKlPKluGyxw/s400/small_elevated.png)
on my 
