Musings From the Back 9: Music Edition III

Ludacris - Release Therapy
Before Release Therapy dropped, Ludacris declared that this would be the album that the rap game would take him seriously not just a jester who would sport five foot afros and The Hulk hands in videos and even shaved his trademarck braids in the process. Then he goes and releases Moneymaker as the first single off the album with such thought provoking lyrics, “Took yo momma nine moths to make you, might as well shake what yo momma gave ya.” Okay, so Rakim he is not. But trying to be may not have been the best idea because the Luda created a nice niche for himself in rap but with this album, without the usual wit, he just sounds like everyone else. Then when he tries to grow out his boundaries, like with his soft diss track War with God, it just falls flat. And who exactly is he dissing here? He includes the line “Just do what your song says and shut the (expletive deleted) up” which is a line from his own Get Back. Being a rap album there are plenty of guests rappers including Young Jeezy, Field Mob, Pimp C, Beanie Sigel, and C-Murder along with hook singers, Pharrell, Bobby Valentino, R. Kelly and Mary J. Blige on the way too sentimental Runaway Love. Luda does save the best for last with church inspired Freedom of Preach where Luda takes the pulpit with Bishop Eddie L. Long. But it’s too little too late to save the album.

Release Therapy gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.


Sister Hazel - Absolutely
Remember the musical landscape of the nineties? It started out with the dark and bleak Grunge era and end with the onslaught with the uber-fluff of boy band. But somewhere in the middle there was a few years where rock music that were reminiscent of old time rock and roll ruled the charts with bands like Hootie and the Blowfish, Toad the Wet Sprocket and Better Than Ezra. One of the best songs from this period of music was All for You by Sister Hazel that was pretty much their only hit. And much like other bands from that era, are releasing an album to try to get back past success. But much like all those other bands (Better Than Ezra excluded), their new album entitled Absolutely sounds very nineties and is just a rehash of previous work granted with nothing as catchy as All for You. That doesn’t necessarily make it a bad album, This Kind of Love should be included on your next mixtape for a significant other, but the retro sound does it make a good one. Give it another decade before the nineties sound comes back in style.

Absolutely get a on my Terror Alert Scale.


Method Man - 4:21… the Day After
Method Man was always the breakout star of the Wu-Tang Clan. But to his credit, whenever the troupe reconvened for an album or tour, he was always there and would routinely recruited Clan alums to appear on his album or produce his tracks. But something seems different with his new album 4:21… the Day After, name after, well, just think of what the day before 4:21 is, and if you still don’t get it, the opening starts off with a “make marijuana legal” chant. But the album sounds overproduced thanks to weak tracks from Scott Storch, the guy who brought us Paris Hilton and Brooke Hogan. And for a guy from the dirty slums of Shaolin, his music should never sound overproduced. Bad production aside, Meth can still spit some quality although he lets his guest outshine him occasionally like the late great Ol’ Dirty Bastard on Dirty Mef and running mate Redman on Walk On, the standout track, and Red even has the best line on the album with “I’ll blow your mind like Kurt Cobain.” Lauryn Hill also makes a great appearance on Say. But some of the guests, like Morbidly Obese Joe on Ya’Meen, turns what should be a great track into a mediocre one.

4:21… the Day After gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.

Yippee-I-Yay Yippee-I-Yo

When it comes to “Weird Al” Yankovic, it’s always the parodies that get all the press, but for me, it’s the polkas that make the album. The parodies are always hit are miss, but Al has never made a bad polka and can usually turn an unlistenable song, much like the Pussycat Dolls Don’t Cha on his latest album, into thoroughly enjoyable medleys. If you are like me and find Al’s polka medleys entertaining, here’s a band for you: Me First and the Gimme Gimmes who take pop songs, but there genre of choice is punk. Comprised of members of NOFX and Foo Fighters, the band has been converting songs into punk since 1995 and you have not lived until you have heard their rendition of R. Kelly’s I Believe I Can Fly.

After albums featuring songs from the 60’s and 70’s (Have a Ball), show tunes (Are a Drag), R&B (Take a Break), as well the live album Ruin Johnny’s Bar Mitzvah which was recoded live at some dude named Johnny’s actual Bar Mitzvah. But on Love Their Country, the boys naturally focus on country music. Now even if you are like me and avoid country like the plague, you will most likely still recognize most of the songs here like On the Road Again (Willie Nelson), I’m So Lonely I Could Cry (Hank Williams Sr.), Looking for Love (Johnny Lee). Also look out for other country artists that actually don’t suck like Johnny Cash, Kenny Rogers (not to be confused with the cheating baseball player), John Denver, and The Eagles, and yes Desperado is basically a country song.

But the highlights of the album are their versions of Dolly Parton’s Jolene and the Dixie Chick’s Goodbye Earl if only it’s extremely hilarious hearing a dude singing very female specific lyrics which they don’t change at all. If there is one complaint it would be that the band chooses Garth Brooks Much Too Young (To Feel This Damn Old) with the begging to be mocked Friends in Low Places. Well that and the under a half an hour run time. Plus the album has the potential to get old real quick, but I’m just knit picking here.

Song to Download - Goodbye Earl

Love Their Country gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.

Toss Up: Lost vs Veronica Mars week 4

Before I get to this week Toss Up between Lost and Veronica Mars, I just have to say Dick making a house call to the Mars apartment may have been the greatest scene in the whole series, from Dick saying he once picked up his maid there, to “Why rape a cow when you’re swimming in free milk,” to Dick calling the Mars kitchenette cute, and Dick saying thanks threw the door because Ronnie told him to leave now before she changed her mind. The Dick and Ronnie scenes are always the best so it make me wonder how long until Vee sports an “I (Heart) Dick” t-shirt. And seriously how has this scene not made it to YouTube yet? But anyways. Onto the Toss Up:


Tour around the Habitat
Lost: Not- Henry takes Sawyer up a hill to see that there are two islands
Veronica Mars: Dick invites himself around and scouts out Ronnie’s cute kitchen
Winner: Veronica Mars


Caught on Tape
Lost: Sawyer plotting his escape
Veronica Mars: The possible rapist was caught having Claire use her ATM
Winner: Lost


Back Together
Lost: Apparently the dude from The Drew Carey Show has worked with the creator of Lost before
Veronica Mars: The cast of Just Shoot Me
Winner: Veronica Mars


Welcome to the Family
Lost: Sawyer’s daughter
Veronica Mars: Logan’s half brother
Winner: Lost


Reading Material
Lost: Of Mice and Men
Veronica Mars: Heart Free Press
Winner: Lost


Double Cross
Lost: Sawyer used the dude from The Drew Carey Show to get out of jail
Veronica Mars: The dude from Calico Girls used the other Logan to scoop a story
Winner: Veronica Mars


Not
Lost: Not-Henry
Veronica Mars: Not-Charlie
Winner: Lost


Form of entertainment
Lost: Golfing with apples
Veronica Mars: Baywatch pinball machine
Winner: Veronica Mars


Forced Form of Entertainment
Lost: Watching cartoons in a shark tank
Veronica Mars: Being groped in a Boo Room
Winner: Lost


Follow the Money
Lost: Sawyer tries to make it hard for his daughter to find out who gives her money
Veronica Mars: Logan’s business made it hard to find out where his trust fund is going
Winner: Lost


Working for the Enemy
Lost: Jacks helps operate on an Other
Veronica Mars: Ronnie clears the Pi Sigs of any wrong doing
Winner: Veronica Mars


Work Clothes
Lost: Juliet wears her Dharma scrubs to operate on the dying Other
Veronica Mars: Vee wears a pants suit when interviewing the Pi Sigs
Winner: Veronica Mars


New Guys
Lost: In four episodes we’ve seen a fleeting glimpse one of the new chicks and not much more of the new dude
Veronica Mars: In four episodes, Piz has been MIA half the time and Parker was missing for one
Winner: Veronica Mars


A close win for Veronica Mars this week with both shows rebounding from poor outings last week. But here is something that is bugging me with both shows that I hinted at in the lat toss up of this week that both shows are not really doing a very good job handling the new cast members. Veronica Mars has done slightly better when they introduced Piz and Parker in episode one but Piz was missing from two of the next three episodes and Parker “went to the gym” after the previous episodes mini cliffhanger where she may have gone back home with her parents. Then on Lost aside from, Juliet, we have barely seen the two newbies and four episodes in and I done even know their names. What makes this more disturbing is how bad both show did last year introducing new characters leading to Jackie being written off while Ana Lucia and Libby both got killed off. Even the regulars seem to be missing this year as we have only seen Weevil, Lamb, Sun, Jin, Sayid, Eko once each this year. Of course I’m just saying this because I want to see more of Parker especially if she continues to wear her Jersey Mall hair wig.


Some big news on Lost this week, of course none of which answered any questions but instead raised some more, the biggest being that there are two islands. Now we know exactly why Not-Henry didn’t want Sayid to have the yacht. But this raises some big questions like how did Desmond not see the second island. And where exactly is the town we saw on in the opening scene of the season? It has to be on the main island if both Ethan and Goodwin could get there by foot, right? Or are there underground tunnels that we don’t know about? The other big unanswered question is who has the tumor on the back that Jack saw? Is this is why he was taken? Keep in mind only two more episodes new episodes until February. Oh and Sawyer is apparently a dad and Desmond can still see into the future.


Then on Veronica Mars, there was actually more happening than Dick visiting Ronnie. Dick, of course, was there to ask Vee to help get the Phi Sigs off the hook for all rapes because she did such a good job last year getting the brothers off for that rape case. Umm, did I miss something? I remember her clearing Troy’s name, but not the Phi Sigs. If fact didn’t she get them in trouble for their points board? But you got to love when she addressed the Phi Sigs as, “Dick, Chip, random Star Trek dudes.”

Then there was the whole Not-Charlie storyline, although I believe Ronnie called him Fake-Charlie instead. Great job by hyping the Logans being brothers all summer only to pull a fast one on us. I’ve never understood why people that run or act in shows don’t lie more to fight spoilers, it would at the very least more entertaining than the standard “I can’t answer that.” And then the other plot twist with the chick from Just Shoot Me who finds out that not only is her husband not cheating but he actually turned down someone’s advances.

And now for my way out there theory of the week: the rapist and the head shaver are two different people. Okay, so here’s how this plays out, after a rape occurs, the feminists swoop in and shave the heads to help their case in getting the fraternities and the Lampoon guys kicked off campus.

Don't Download These Videos vol. IV

There have been a couple of videos that have caught my eye lately so I though I’d give them some love since the death of Musical Television left a void for a forum on the art form so here they are courtesy of YouTube. I advise you to watch them before you read my reviews if you don’t want me to spoil things. If you are interested in buying the video through iTunes, click the title link (where available, if not the link goes to YouTube where you can watch the video in full screen). If you are interested in buying the song, look for a link in the analysis.


Hurt - Christina Aguilera



Yeah the big plot twist under the big top has been done before and to better effect by U2 and in claymation by Alice in Chains, the chair spinning thing is annoying, and Christina Aguilera continues her decent in to looking more and more like a drag queen, but when it comes there are very few videos that give me the chills and this is one of them. And even though Johnny Cash’s song with the same title is much better, Xtina’s song may have something to do with the chill factor. And am I the only one who thinks her “dad” looks like the new James Bond.


Suddenly I See - KT Tunstall



Keeping with the big top theme, here’s the latest video from KT Tunstall off of her debut not the recent acoustic one. Now my courses tell me that the song has been featured in a few crappy television shows, but don’t let that negatively effect the song (same goes for Chasing Cars that has wrongfully co-opted by even crappier shows). There is also a cool CGI version (for the British I think) of the video if you can hunt that one down.

Wanted - Rhymefest



There is something seriously wrong with the charts that a fill with disposable rap songs that pretty much are the exact same song, yet the originally refreshing Rhymefest can seem to get a hit. Here’s his latest album from the film Half Nelson. To be honest one of the reasons I’m showing this video is to get more face time for the dude from The Notebook whom I used to get mistaken for back before he fell into obscurity. So hopefully this movie put him (and Rhymefest) back in the spotlight so I can get some “you remind me of the dude from The Notebook” lovin’.


Save Room - John Legend



In a story I broke yesterday, John Legend released the best baby making album of the millennium so far. Need proof? Look no further than the first single from Once Again where over the course of four minutes, Legend hooks up with as many as eight video hofessionals. My personal favorites are the token white chick and the chick in the cab. And once again, if there are any video hofessionals who would like to test out the baby making ability of the album and will be greater Cleveland area soon, shout me a holla.

Tonight I Wanna Groove and Let the Music Make You Move

Much has been made of the poor track record for the Grammy’s Best New Artist winners, but the award has also been handed out to such artists as Tom Jones, Carly Simon, Mariah Carey, and a little band out of Liverpool, England, called The Beatles. So don’t write off last year’s winner John Legend just yet. Plus it’s not like Best New Artist was the only golden gramophone that Legend took home that night as he also nabbed two other awards that night. Fun Best New Artist fact, Bob Newhart is also a winner. Yes that Bob Newhart.

On the Best R&B Album of last year Get Lifted, Legend effortless blended classic rhythm and blues with modern day hip-hop thanks to guest producers Kanye West, who also provided a verse, and will.i.am as well as a memorable spot from Snoop Dogg. But even though West and i.am are back behind the boards on the follow up Once Again, gone are the guest rappers as well as any resemblance to a hip-hop beat. Instead the album is inspired by some of his favorite singers. You can hear Tony Bennett’s influence, whom Legend recently did a duet with, on the opener Save Room where Legend croons over some mellow organs. Then on Show Me, Legend channels Jeff Buckley and puts it over some soul music. While Slow Dance sounds like classic Temptations had John Mayer played guitar for them.

There are times on the album where it sound like Legend is trying to recreate past hits like with Stereo, a song about a golddigger whose “favorite colors are platinum and gold” that might as well be called Used to Love U II. Thanks to the sparse instrumentation aside from the piano and lyrics dealing with relationships, Again could also go by Ordinary People Again. Although the diversity on the rest of the album makes it worth picking up and you might as well start engraving Legend’s name on the Best R&B Album Grammy for the second straight year.

But when it comes down to it, fore those who are missing great baby making albums that seemed to have disappeared along with Babyface’s career this is the album for you. If can’t get things done with songs like Slow Dance or PDA (We Just Don’t Care), where Legend encourages his companion to hook up whenever, wherever, it may be time to look into joining your local monastery. If fact if there are token hot chicks that are (or will be) in the Cleveland-metro area and would like to test out the baby-making ability of this album shout me a holla. (Scooter’s Note: This will only be a test so no actual baby will be made in the test run, just the act of baby making)

Song to Download - Slow Dance

Once Again gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.

I Don't Have to Raise My Voice

Earlier this year, KT Tunstall released one of the best pop albums in recent memory with Eye to the Telescope even garnering a rare Severe rating on my Terror Alert Scale (see: Her Face Is the Map of the World). A couple months after that album, Tunstall released Acoustic Extravaganza, a collection of songs that was recorded in one day, through her website. But now it’s getting a proper release along with an accompanying DVD which includes a making of the album documentary. Don’t expect an acoustic rendering of the big hit Black Horse and the Cherry Tree or even the follow up single Suddenly I See.

Instead, the album is comprises mostly of material that didn’t make the first album and work as acoustics songs instead of converting her hits like a poor version of MTV Unplugged. The last three tracks though are from the album, Miniature Disaster, Universe & U, as well as Throw Me a Rope, which was on the British release of the album but got cut from the Yankee release. But the newer tracks are the real gems most notably the opening track Ashes that bounces along like a country track and is also the song that gets the album its Parental Advisory sticker so be warned. Then One Day could have fit perfectly somewhere on her first album is polished up a little.

As Eye to the Telescope was close to pop perfection, Acoustic Extravaganza fall short of its predecessor thanks in part to the theme of the album. Acoustic songs lend themselves to be mellower than there plugged in counterparts which lead to a lull of too many mellow songs in the middle of the album. Add to that the holdovers from the first album just are not as good as the originals. But with that said, had this had been album that was released first; it would be up there as one of the best of the year.

Song to Download - Ashes

Acoustic Extravaganza gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.

First Impressions: Ice T's Rap School

Back in 2003, in a time when Jack Black was still funny, he made a movie called School of Rock where Black played a long term substitute teacher at a private school who taught his class how to rock so he could enter a battle of the bands. This then spun off a reality show where Gene Simmons of Kiss did basically the same thing, but with the private school’s approval that naturally appeared on VH1. VH1 is now taking the same concept but with rap and the original gangsta himself, Ice-T as the educator in the appropriately titled Ice-T’s Rap School. Iceberg now has a couple weeks to school the Middle Schoolers in all that is hip-hop before the final exam which is opening up for Public Enemy. Of course it’s Public Enemy because VH1 much fill their minimum requirement to feature Favor Flav on their channel.

But the stars of the show are the students that have no clue how to rap and weren’t even born when Ice recorded New Jack Hustler. The standout is Sophia who complained after Ice announced they were taking a field trip to the South Bronx that she would be shot, murdered, and raped. Then later she endured herself less to Ice when she said that sunglasses he handpicked for her to were “Ghetto.” If Sophia moved out to the west coast in two or three years she could easily be the new star of Laguna Beach. Then there is Dodge who wears pinstripe suits over his prep school uniform and listens to old school music. And by old school I’m not referring to Ice-T, no even older like stuff from the forties.

The cast is rounded out by a student with a stutter, your token kid with a bad case of attention deficit disorder, the stock market playing kid, the uber-shy fat chick, the poor girl who attends the school on scholarship, and another token mean girl that is Sophia’s running mate. The very British headmaster may be showing up quite often as Ice got called to the principal’s office in his first week complaining that he was dressing the kids up like little gangstas. Apparently Mr. Headmaster didn’t do his homework before letting Ice-T supervise his students. Not to mention I don’t think Ice is Highly Qualified under the No Child Behind Act.

Verdict: For a guy who made his living on very aggressive lyrics, Ice surprising is very good around the kids (maybe it’s all those years seeing the bad side of adults and how they treat children with his tenure on Law and Order). Ice-T’s Rap School is a show that is actually something for the whole family, which is rare on television these days. New episodes of Ice-T’s Rap School airs Fridays at 9:00 on VH1 (of course the episodes will be repeated constantly) and you can check out deleted and extended scenes on VH1’s broadband channel VSPOT.

I’m from the Eighties NYC Five Percent of Culture

There are very few artists that would open up their album with another artist’s song, but not even VH1 loves the eighties more than Diddy, seriously, this guy even sampled Christopher Cross. So at the start of Diddy’s latest album Press Play, the first sounds you hear are those of Tears for Fears. But surprisingly this is the only eighties sample on the album. What’s more surpising is that as a guy who came up as a producer, Diddy handed over the production reigns for the majority of the album to those that have surpassed him in recent years like Kanye West, the Neptunes, will.i.am and the underappreciated Rich Harrison who has brought us such club bangers as Crazy in Love and 1 Thing.

The artist formally known as Puff Daddy claims the name of the album Press Play comes from what the album would make you do, sit down and press play without having to skip any tracks. Granted that concept was thrown out of the window with the release of the first single Come to Me featuring the only Pussycat Doll that I think actually sings. What exactly are the other Dolls there for, to stay in the background and do things that embarrass their daddies? But anyways. This really hasn’t been a good year for artists who over hype their albums (see Angels and Airwaves, The Killers, and Ludacris). Who would have thought that Paris Hilton would be the marketing mastermind who set the bar so low that even though her album was by far the worst released of the year, possibly ever, people actually thought it was good compaired to what they expected.

Much like his previous ones, this album is guest appearance heavy. On almost every song, Diddy brings in someone to sing his hooks ranging to big names like Mary J Blige to lesser known artist such as Keri Hilson. The best though is Christina Aguilera who shows up on the Just Blaze produced Tell Me. Unlike previous album, Diddy doesn’t push down his Bad Boy rappers down our throat, in fact there are very few guest rappers on the album as side from Big Boi of Outkast, Twista, and Nas who shows up on the Kanye West produced Everything I Love. Naturally when you throw together Nas and Kanye with Cee-Lo, one half of Gnarls Barkley, singing the hook over some great horns that sound like they are from the Late Registration sessions, you got a hot track.

Unfortunately Diddy didn’t have Kanye and Nas to save the rest of the album. The Neptunes fall from grace continues with another bland track in the album closer Partners for Life featuring the past expiration date Jamie Foxx. The back to back Though the Pain (She Told Me) and Thought You Said blend together making one extremely long ten minute song that will make you look at you watch wondering when it will end. Puffy does try out different styles which is a novel idea. The Future is his attempt at hard core militant sound in a track produced by Havoc from Mobb Deep who was also behind the boards for the grimy Hold Up. Continuing his futuristic techno from Justin Timberlake’s latest album, Timbaland adds that same sound to Diddy Rock. But it doesn’t say much about the song when it’s a leftover beat from an already poor album. But Diddy is back to loving the eighties on the will.i.am produced Special Feeling that sounds like classic Prince. Well that’s if you take out the charismatic Prince singing and replace it with the anemic rapping of Diddy.

Song to Download - Everything I Love

Press Play gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.

Your Chance Has Come and Gone

Scooter Note: To make this review hopefully more entertaining than it already is, a prize to the first person who correctly counts to the amount of Chris Hansen references throughout the review. And by prize I mean a pat on the back. And by pat on the back I mean a virtual pat on the back. Good luck.

There really isn’t anything more annoying than thirteen year old white girls who act black, yet JoJo’s debut single Leave (Get Out), Ebonics and all (You was just a waste of time), was disturbingly good in a Chris Hansen will be waiting for you in your kitchen kind of way. After taking a break from music to make a couple movies that I avoided to see for fear that Chris Hansen would jump out from behind the concession stand with a bunch o cameras. Now the former reality show loser (remember America’s Most Talented Kids hosted by reality star in his own right Mario Lopez? No? Oh never mind) is back much to the delight to underage girls who love Ebonics with the release of The High Road.

Also thanks to the release undoubtedly Chris Hansen has been busy especially with the rain drenched first video of the album Too Little, Too Late topping iTunes most downloaded video for most of the past month. The song is yet another kiss off to a bad boyfriend. Wow this girl has had her heart broken more times before she’s gotten a driving license than I’ve had in my entire life. Well that would be wrongly assuming that JoJo actually writes her own song. In fact there were nineteen people with writing credits on the album. For those keeping track at home, there are only twelve songs on the album. And with titles such as The Way You Do Me and How to Touch a Girl, some of those songwriters should be expecting a visit from Chris Hansen sometime soon.

And now the top 10 lyrics from JoJo’s The High Road that if you hear spoken in the kitchen of a girl you met on the internet there’s a good chance Chris Hansen will be surprising you:

10. We can go the distance homie. (Good Ol’)
9. The morning in, I know you wanted to. Come on let’s go, you know just what to do. (Like That)
8. Yo I don't know what you do when you do what you do boy. (Anything)
7. Don’t be in a rush to end mid night, feel something happening. (How to Touch a Girl)
6. I’m ready to, make this thing official cause I don’t want to lose you. (Like That)
5. Promise me when I see you, you’ll do me like that. (Like That)
4. This time I’m gonna let you take it where it should be this time I wont say no. (This Time)
3. Cause every time that we rendezvous I don't wanna go back home. (Anything)
2. We can get it poppin even thump in the parkin lot. (Good Ol’)
1. Boy the way you do me. Why you gotta be so good when you give it to me? (The Way You Do Me)

What is really disturbing is after forty minutes of all these double (and sometimes single) entendres, the album concludes with a Note to God where JoJo does just that by asking all the hate to go away and all the other things you would here from Beauty Queen contestants after they just got done strutting around in a bikini in a room full of dirty old man. Mmm, that ended up being a better comparison than I expected.

The album starts off with This Time which sounds like a lost track from the Cassie album, which isn’t a good thing (check out my review: It’s Not That Deep). You need more reasons to hate the song? Well it was produced by Scott Storch, the guy responsible for Paris Hilton and Brooke Hogan. Then in the middle of the album it was as if someone switched the dial on the radio to an eighties station as Toto start singing Africa in mono, then the beat comes only for JoJo to start singing over the song which she calls Anything.. Even though he isn’t credited I have a sinking suspicion that Puff Daddy was involved. But let’s hope that the lead singer of Toto doesn’t get a visit from Chris Hansen as a result of the song.

Song to Download - Anything

The High Road gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.

Toss Up: Lost vs Veronica Mars week 3

It looks like three isn’t a charm as both Veronica Mars and Lost took a step back for the third episodes in there third season. But keep in mind Veronica Mars is like the U2 of television, even their worse stuff (i.e. Pop) is still better than ninety percent than everything else out there. As for Lost, this past episode was still more entertaining than most from season two. With no clear cut winner, let’s go to the Toss Up to see which one was better:


Grows the Sticky-Icky-Icky
Lost: John’s buddies grows mass amounts for reasons unknown
Veronica Mars: The sorority grows mass amounts to ease the den mother’s chemo sessions
Winner: Veronica Mars


Back for the First Time
Lost: Hurley, Desmond, Eko, Locke, Charlie, and Claire
Veronica Mars: Weevil
Winner: Lost


Flashbacks
Lost: Once again we don’t learn why Locke’s in the wheelchair complete with someone abusing his trust again
Veronica Mars: We revisit the linebacker’s night in slow motion complete with Guitar Hero
Winner: Veronica Mars


Apologies
Lost: Locke apologies to Eko for being wrong about the numbers
Veronica Mars: Veronica and Logan both apologize for not compromising in their relationship
Winner: Lost


Last Seen
Lost: We get a (very small) glimpse of new Lost cast member who was last seen on Related
Veronica Mars: Veronica’s new dean was last seen on Arrested Development without any eyebrows
Winner: Veronica Mars


Turn On
Lost: The FBI dude uses Locke to catch the drug ring
Veronica Mars: Trish stole her boyfriend’s playbook
Winner: Lost


New job
Lost: New Locke flashback, new job for John adding commune farmer to box company worker, toy store employee, and realtor
Veronica Mars: In the course of one episode Weevil works at the carwash (which wasn’t as fun as the song would have you believe), for Keith, and for the Dean
Winner: Veronica Mars


Music T-Shirt
Lost: Random dude at the commune was wearing a Geronimo Jackson t-shirt
Veronica Mars: The dean’s son wears a Transplants t-shirt in the family photo
Winner: Veronica Mars


MIA
Lost: Juliet is the only one that doesn’t make an appearance in Locke’s drug inspired dream
Veronica Mars: Parker, who apparently didn’t go back home with her parents, and Mac were at the gym for the whole episode
Winner: Lost


Treated Like Meat
Lost: Eko by the polar bear
Veronica Mars: The linebacker by his position coach
Winner: Lost


Streaking
Lost: This week Desmond
Veronica Mars: Last week Logan
Winner: All the female viewers (and Ducky)


The Next Miss Cleo
Lost: Desmond talks about Locke’s speech before he actually gave it
Veronica Mars: The Heart Lampoon said they’d rape the blond in the middle who ended up being raped
Winner: Lost


In another squeaker, Lost makes it two wins in a row even though any Locke-centric episode that doesn’t tell us how he got in the wheelchair is a worthless episode. Instead in the flashback we again see a fully mobile Locke who looks to be hanging out with others with daddy issues. The only thing we really learn in the flashback that we didn’t already know is how Locke learned how to make the hallucinogen that he used on Boone during the first season.

Speaking of Boone, the big news of the episode was his return when John used the stuff on himself. This then lead to a dream sequence and really there is nothing I hate more than dream sequences. I never know what I’m supposed to get from it. Was this really what the island wanted Locke to know? Was this just what was in Locke’s subconscious all along? I really hate when television show to this as it’s the worst cliché up there with amnesia and when dudes bet that they can take the ugly chick and make her cool, even though the ugly chick that is chosen is actually kind of attractive even before the makeover.

Back in reality, we finally learn the worst kept secret on television that Locke, Eko and Desmond all survive the implosion. Apparently a side effect of it was that somehow Desmond traded his cloths for being able to see the future, how very Heroes of him. Turn in next week to find out if Eko quickly heals from his bear attack and Locke begins to fly. Then there was Hurley’s reaction who gave the most overdramatic look ever.


Then on Veronica Mars there was the rare misstep. Maybe it was too heavy in the Veronica/Logan relationship which I hope ends sooner than later. Then there was the poor linebacker storyline that turned out to be the least buyable suspect the girlfriend who was last seen on Supernatual as the extremely hot Death. I definitely would follow her into the dark. But anyways. Maybe she will stick around as Piz’s boss. But the big news of the episode though was the Madison Sinclair reference. Maybe she’s stuck around Neptune to continue being on the Lamb and will see her sooner than later.

But to pinpoint the problem it most likely has to do with Ronnie almost dropping the whole rape case. Last episode she was ready to find the guilty party and publicly hang them but didn’t do anything with that case with Parker being completely missing in action this episode. And while Ronnie was sitting on her butt yet another girl got raped although we didn’t learn the status of her hairdo. But we were introduced to a couple new suspects in the editors of the Hearst Lampoon and the sport betting guy. We were also introduced to the dean of Heart who certainly is no Van Clemmons.

In other Veronica Mars news, click the name to subscribe to the new official Veronica Mars Podcast. You can find interviews, commentary from the writers and even a video version of a tour of the set. And of course you can also check out the official Lost Podcast as well.

We on Award Tour: 2006 Hip-Hop Honors

In a story I broke yesterday, VH1’s Hip-Hop Honors were last night and for three straight years it failed to disappointed putting the yearly event right up there with the Grammy’s and the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame induction ceremony. Oddly enough for a show that celebrates hip-hop, the show started off with a bunch of people. But the Law and Order skit was hilarious with Ice-T’s cast members from SVU talking about there favorite honorees and T showing up late to ceremony only to be replaced by Mike B. Keep in mind Mike B could just be your next president. (See the end of the post for the video of the skit) As for the show, VH1 were really smart making ?uestlove of The Roots the musical director and should bring him in every year. Here are some thoughts on this year’s honorees and performances:

- The Beastie Boys kick thing off and surprisingly Tracy Morgan was actually funny intriguing them. Q-Tip, the recently bullet-ridden Fabolous, and Diddy come up in full B-Boy get up and spit probably the most recognizable Beastie verse with the start of Paul Revere but not surprisingly they cut off the song before they got to the part about the whiffle ball bat. Then the Beastie themselves came out to a rousing version of So Whatchcha Want, even switching the beat to the one from Fabolous’ Breathe.

- Now I’ve long held onto the belief that chicks shouldn’t rap, but I have to admit if I were to make a mix tape that represents 1996 for me MC Lyte’s Cold Rock a Party would be on it because no party during that summer didn’t feel right if it didn’t feature that song.

- Whenever you see a list of the greatest MC’s you will most likely see Biggie or 2-Pac, but whenever you see a list that is complied by rappers themselves, it would be Rakim that would be on top. Naturally one of the best lyricists of today, Common came out to introduce him. The tribute featuring Black Thought and Talib Kweli. Really there is no better way to start off a house party that something that features the bassline from Paid in Full. And hopefully the long delayed Rakim album comes out soon because the new track was tight especially with the Roots backing him. The horns were off the hook.

- When I first got into N.W.A. it was around the album that I can’t reprint here because my censors won’t allow it. But this was right after Ice Cube left the group and like many rap feuds back then you had to pick your side, do for years I refused to listen to Cube until he did that song with Dr. Dre. The dude from Pimp My Ride did a good job at Check Yo Self. Who knew he would rap?

- Russell Simmons gets the only non- music induction this year deservedly. Hip-Hop doesn’t reach the masses if it weren’t for Def Jam. But where was the love for his running mate at the label Rick Rubin? Nice mix of songs played during his tribute.

- With Eazy-E and Ice Cube being honored kind of makes you wonder why not honor N.W.A. as a whole? No surprise my favorite Eazy-E song, Gimmie Dat Nutt doesn’t make the tribute. Oh well. But my homies from just a couple miles north of me, Bone Thugs-n-Harmony crawled out of obscurity to perform their tribute song The Crossroads.

- I never got into the theatrics of Afrika Bambaataa but it’s nice to see him get his due and it seemed natural that Outkast introduced his tribute with George Clinton and Bootsy Collins participating. Odd that was the only honoree in the history of the show that didn’t perform.

- If there is one thing that I have learned in my life is that Wu-Tang Clan is nothing to (expletive deleted) with. Nice to see the Clan reunite on stage with all the members showing up (sans Ol’ Dirty Bastard, R.I.P.). I remember seeing the troupe perform back in 1998 when they toured with Rage Against the Machine. Granted they were a half an hour late to the venue. And when they arrived the spent time playing basketball backstage before actually coming out minus three members. And when they did they only gave a twenty minute set because they had to get off stage so Rage could do their set before curfew. So it was great to see them perform C.R.E.A.M. and Triumph with Method Man actually jumping into the crowd to spit his verse.

Looking forward to next year, here are my suggestions to honor next year: A Tribe Called Quest, Nas, EPMD, N.W.A., Leaders of the New School, and Slick Rick (feel free to share who you think should be honored and be sure to scroll down to check out my lyrics quiz to see if you can answer any that are left). You can watch performances from the show at VSPOT and I'm sure VH1 will repeat throught the next couple weeks.