Your Chance Has Come and Gone

Scooter Note: To make this review hopefully more entertaining than it already is, a prize to the first person who correctly counts to the amount of Chris Hansen references throughout the review. And by prize I mean a pat on the back. And by pat on the back I mean a virtual pat on the back. Good luck.

There really isn’t anything more annoying than thirteen year old white girls who act black, yet JoJo’s debut single Leave (Get Out), Ebonics and all (You was just a waste of time), was disturbingly good in a Chris Hansen will be waiting for you in your kitchen kind of way. After taking a break from music to make a couple movies that I avoided to see for fear that Chris Hansen would jump out from behind the concession stand with a bunch o cameras. Now the former reality show loser (remember America’s Most Talented Kids hosted by reality star in his own right Mario Lopez? No? Oh never mind) is back much to the delight to underage girls who love Ebonics with the release of The High Road.

Also thanks to the release undoubtedly Chris Hansen has been busy especially with the rain drenched first video of the album Too Little, Too Late topping iTunes most downloaded video for most of the past month. The song is yet another kiss off to a bad boyfriend. Wow this girl has had her heart broken more times before she’s gotten a driving license than I’ve had in my entire life. Well that would be wrongly assuming that JoJo actually writes her own song. In fact there were nineteen people with writing credits on the album. For those keeping track at home, there are only twelve songs on the album. And with titles such as The Way You Do Me and How to Touch a Girl, some of those songwriters should be expecting a visit from Chris Hansen sometime soon.

And now the top 10 lyrics from JoJo’s The High Road that if you hear spoken in the kitchen of a girl you met on the internet there’s a good chance Chris Hansen will be surprising you:

10. We can go the distance homie. (Good Ol’)
9. The morning in, I know you wanted to. Come on let’s go, you know just what to do. (Like That)
8. Yo I don't know what you do when you do what you do boy. (Anything)
7. Don’t be in a rush to end mid night, feel something happening. (How to Touch a Girl)
6. I’m ready to, make this thing official cause I don’t want to lose you. (Like That)
5. Promise me when I see you, you’ll do me like that. (Like That)
4. This time I’m gonna let you take it where it should be this time I wont say no. (This Time)
3. Cause every time that we rendezvous I don't wanna go back home. (Anything)
2. We can get it poppin even thump in the parkin lot. (Good Ol’)
1. Boy the way you do me. Why you gotta be so good when you give it to me? (The Way You Do Me)

What is really disturbing is after forty minutes of all these double (and sometimes single) entendres, the album concludes with a Note to God where JoJo does just that by asking all the hate to go away and all the other things you would here from Beauty Queen contestants after they just got done strutting around in a bikini in a room full of dirty old man. Mmm, that ended up being a better comparison than I expected.

The album starts off with This Time which sounds like a lost track from the Cassie album, which isn’t a good thing (check out my review: It’s Not That Deep). You need more reasons to hate the song? Well it was produced by Scott Storch, the guy responsible for Paris Hilton and Brooke Hogan. Then in the middle of the album it was as if someone switched the dial on the radio to an eighties station as Toto start singing Africa in mono, then the beat comes only for JoJo to start singing over the song which she calls Anything.. Even though he isn’t credited I have a sinking suspicion that Puff Daddy was involved. But let’s hope that the lead singer of Toto doesn’t get a visit from Chris Hansen as a result of the song.

Song to Download - Anything

The High Road gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.