You're a Mean One Mr. Grinch

There are a few things for everyone that until it happened, it just doesn’t feel like Christmas. For me I must hear U2’s Christmas (Baby Please Come Home) , eat some of my mom’s special holiday jello, watch somebody shoot their eye out (no need to watch all of A Christmas Story), and number one on the list is I have to watch How the Grinch Stole Christmas which is December’s induction into the Scooter Hall of Fame. I hope it goes without mention but I’m referring to the original cartoon, not the live action Jim Carrey version that came out a couple years ago.

As versatile as Jim Carrey is, he just can’t compete with Boris Karloff’s narration of the classic Dr. Seuss book and captures the book much better than the movie that drags on too long. At 26 minutes, the cartoon was a perfect way to tell myself, back in my younger days, what truly matter at the holidays and it can still hit home with the youth of today even after almost forty years.

I’m sure everyone is different in what reminds them of Christmas, but whatever it is, make sure you take time out in the next couple of days to make sure you check off all you holiday tradition list and also take some time out to remember what Christmas is all about.

Won't Get Fooled Again

I have had a long standing ban of the Fox network. The television network typically puts on three types of shows. First are the unfunny sitcoms who think that being shocking should be enough not realizing that you still need a good story and funny jokes to make it a good show (see my review of The War at Home). Then there are the reality show that are either stolen from other networks (Trading Spouses) or ones so vile no other network, or even cable station, would consider (Who’s Your Daddy, The Littlest Groom, the list could go on forever).

Then there are the shows that are actually great, not that anyone knows because Fox would rather cancel than actually promote properly. My original ban originated after they unceremoniously canceled Wonderfalls after only four episodes which even included a timeslot change. Wonderfalls easily was the best show on television at the time and after viewing the unaired episodes from the DVD, the show could have went down as one of the best ever. Granted I have been soft on my ban because since then I’ve been conned into watching other quickly canceled Fox shows including Firefly, Family Guy, Keen Eddie, The Jury, Tru Calling, Point Pleasant, and The Inside. Granted I must admit Tru Calling and Point Pleasant were subpar but there was room to improve. And they even had to eat some crow and bring back the Family Guy. I have also been watching Arrested Development which they didn’t cancel after only a few episodes but considering how Fox has moved around the show and reduced the number of episodes last season and has cut this season too just so they can air repeats of the overrated Prison Break.

And that leads me to the latest casualty of Fox shows that I watch. Just a week after I named it the third best new show of the 2005 Fall Season, Fox announced that they were going to cancel Reunion. Yeah the show was predictable and it has some of the worse acting aside from whatever Pam Anderson show is currently on. Except I’m addicted and neeed to know how the show turns out and who killed Sam. But alas, Fox has screwed me again. And with another spot open on the schedule, that mean another lame hour of American Karaoke. Oh what, I think Skating with the Stars, yet another reality rip-off, is going to be on Fox soon. Yipee. So once again, I will have to fire up my ban on Fox. Feel free to join me and bring down that worthless network once and for all.

It Ain't Pretty After the Show

INXS was one of my favorite bands of the 80’s. But like many bands from the era, the transition to the 90’s were not a smooth one and was brought to a screaming halt with the death of lead singer Michael Hutchence in 1997. So now in 2005, what is the band to do, well exactly what every washed up 80’s celebrity does, get its own realist show. So in American Karaoke fashion, the voting public would tune in every week, voting off the worse karaoker until they crown the winner how would spend the rest of his life singing Need You Tonight while everyone in the audiences wished Hutchence was still alive.

But much in the Rolling Stones tradition of releasing a new album before the new tour even though everyone would much rather hear Jumpin' Jack Flash than any of the new material, INXS pumped out an album, Switch, featuring their karaoke winner just weeks after the end of the show. And it is easy to tell that the recording of the album was rushed as all the songs slug along as if an INXS cover tried to record their own material. The album starts off with Devil’s Party which the band tries to recreate their classic Devil Inside but fails miserably.

The closest the band gets to its past glory is Afterglow, a slowed down song that could have benefited from a singer that could handle the delicate cadence, but ruins the song whenever he tries to hard. He just can’t handle the subtleties that Hutchence was so good at. But instead the karaoke champion can’t decide throughout the album rather he should channel Hutchence or find his own voice and ends up failing at both. And the karaoker isn’t all to blame as even Hutchence couldn’t have save such bland songs as Hot Girls, Perfect Strangers, and God’s Top 10.

Song to Download – Don’t Bother, just pick something from their back catalog instead (check out my recommendations)

Switch gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.

5% Pleasure, 50% Pain

Most people will know Mike Shinoda as the rapper of multi platinum group Linkin Park, but after spending the most of the time with the rock group Shinoda decided to take a break and get back to his rap roots with he hip-hop troupe, Fort Minor. Then for the album The Rising Tied (yeah I know its spelled wrong, but I’m sure there is some deep meaning to it, but it when over my head) he recruited some of his favorite rapper such as Common and Black Thought of The Roots to give some lines as well as singers like John Legend and Holly Brook then rounded out the album with having Jay-Z as the executive producer.

Even though it is always refreshing to hear a rap album that doesn’t rely on money, drugs, bling, and ho's, the album fall flat partly because the beats are sub par and Shinoda really doesn’t know what to do with a beat if there was one. Certain songs are saved by the previously mentioned guest stars in addition to the rap due Styles of Beyond who appear on five track. The best of which is Remember the Name with one of the few beats that I would blare in my car.

But what Shinoda lacks in rap skills, he makes up in content. Where Linkin Park stays neutral in their songs, as Fort Minor, Shinoda isn’t afraid to talk about touchy subjects. On Right Now, featuring Black Thought, the two trade verses about the injustices in the world like, “For the act of freedom right now somebody is stuck in Iraq hoping that he gets shipped back breathing in a war that he’s not really sure of the reasons.” He also takes on racism, but not the usual racism addressed in rap song. On Kenji he raps about how poorly Japanese immigrants were treated during World War II and even though the war ended decades ago, those types of issues still need to be address today substituting Muslims for Japanese.

As for the other guest artist, John Legend is sadly relegated to the chorus and some chopstick type chords on the piano on High Road where Shinoda rags on all his haters even though he says he’s taking the high road, but obviously with all the smack talk he isn’t. Common ads some class on Back Home with a decent verse despite the lame beat, but he was used to those before he hooked up with Kanye West. And Holley Brook is a star in the making with her addition to Where’d You Go and makes me wish that they would have dropped the aggravated drum loop and Shinoda’s rap and focused the song around her instead. In the end, this is a side project that should have stayed on the sidelines.

Song to Download – Remember the Name

The Rising Tied get a on my Terror Alert Scale.

The Longer We Talk, the Less We Say

Many of us will remember the Spin Doctors for the early 90’s classic Little Miss Can’t Be Wrong which put stuck up brats in their place. Sadly a decade later those stuck up brats are rewarded reality shows and equally sad is how the Spin Doctors slipped into obscurity. Granted part of the blame is on the band that followed up their breakout album with a lackluster album and some lineup changes hurt the chemistry of the bad. Now the band is back, original lineup and all with a new album, Nice Talking to Me.

Much like other 90’s group who released albums earlier this year trying to resurrect their career, Blues Traveler (see my review – If Looks Could Kill I’d Die Today) and Oasis (see my review – I Carry the Madness Everywhere I Go), the new album is a vast improvement of recent releases, but it still lacks the one song that sticks out as a smash hit like Two Princes, Run-Around, and Wonderwall did ten years ago. For the Spin Doctors, the closes is the title song that opens the album. The song is a bluesy record built around dirty guitars and even dirtier vocals, and is very reminiscent of English bands trying their hands at roots rock.

After the opener, the band tries to recreate the pop influenced rock song that got them on the radio in the first place. Except Sugar falls flat, but the band does a little better with Margarita, a bouncy song with a catch chorus, “revenge is sweet, but success is sweeter, take the salt from my wounds and put it in my Margarita.” This song is the best chance for the band to get back on the radio.

Happily Ever After sound like a lost song from Pocket Full of Kryptonite and would have fit well on the album. And much like How Could You Want Him off that album, Can’t Kick the Habit shows that the band can slow things down without losing a step. But sadly this album won’t get its deserved attention because it lacks that one break out song to push it onto the charts.

Song to Download – Nice Talking to Me

Nice Talking to Me gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.

Toss Up: Lost vs Veronica Mars week 7

Wow, for the first time in a month, Lost didn’t suck massively. Granted this week’s episode had its boring spots but it did have the most surprising plot twist since it turned out that Locke was in a wheel chair. So with Lost actually putting up a fight, I am bringing back the official Toss Up debate to decide the better episode between Lost and Veronica Mars:

Tied up dude with a dead girlfriend
Lost - Sayid gets tied up fearing revenge
Veronica Mars – Logan gets tied up to determine if revenge is in order
Winner – Veronica Mars

Hispanic who’s losing their leadership
Lost – Ana Lucia fears she will lose her posse because she accidentally shot someone
Veronica Mars – Weevil fears that he’s losing control of his gang after he finds out one of them is selling drugs and possibly working with the Fighting Fitzpatrick’s
Winner – Veronica Mars

Plot Twist
Lost – Ana Lucia lost a child when shot by a thug
Veronica Mars – The underground radio show was being recorded at Vice Principal Clemmon’s house.
Winner - Lost

Unanswered Question
Lost – How does a fugitive on the run become a better golfer than a doctor?
Veronica Mars – How did the gay dude buy the mp3 player on the school’s dime?
Winner – Lost

Intense Moment
Lost - Sayid goes after Ana Lucia with a gun
Veronica Mars – Veronica almost gets a Lucky Charms tattoo from an angry Leprechaun
Winner – Veronica Mars

Reunited
Lost – Ana Lucia & Jack, Rose & Bernard, Sun & Jin, Kate & Sawyer
Veronica Mars – Veronica & Mac join back up for their Bond and Q relationship, Duncan & Meg (by dreams at least)
Winner - Lost

Unconscious hot blonde
Lost – Shannon’s dead
Veronica Mars – Coma Meg appears to Duncan twice
Winner – Veronica Mars (At least Meg may be back)

Guilt
Lost – Shaft carries Sawyer back to camp possible out of guilt of killing people
Veronica Mars – Duncan dreams about Meg possible out of guilt of dumping her that may have led to her current coma
Winner - Lost

MIA
Lost – Claire seemed to be missing for the big reunion, but then again she really hasn’t been seen much this season anyways
Veronica Mars – No Dick or Beaver, the new black chick, and Wallace barely warrants a mention
Winner – Veronica Mars

Déjà vu All Over Again
Lost – Jack gets his “Wait a minute, I know you look” when Shaft brings up Ana Lucia much like he did with Desmond
Veronica Mars – Duncan gets a message via a dream from another unconscious hot blonde
Winner – Veronica Mars

(Series Toss-Up) Daddy/Mommy Issues
Lost – Ana Lucia, Jack, Locke, Kate, Shannon, Jin, Walt, Sun, Claire (it’s odd that all the characters have problems with the parent of the same sex; I sense a pattern)
Veronica Mars – Logan, Duncan, Lilly, Mac, Meg and Grace, Wallace
Winner - Lost


So there you have it, Lost put up a fight this week, but Veronica Mars reigns supreme yet again with a dominant 6-1 lead. Going into greater detail into Lost, I thought it was interesting that for the first flashback for the taillies was, I believe, the first time that someone’s first flashback didn’t deal primarily with why they were in Australia and how they had come to end up on the doomed flight. Instead we go back a couple years into Ana Lucia’s back story, circa 2001 by my calculations. For the whole episode we are led to believe that she killed another officer in a case of friendly fire because she’s trigger happy, but instead it turned out that she was the one that shot that lead to the death of her unborn child. This then leads Ana Lucia to create trust issues and a shoot them before they can shoot you philosophy that led to Shannon’s demise.

But on the negative side, Lost once again slips into the same devise where we see a scene again from a third time tying it with the amount of times we saw Jack confront Desmond for the first time. And for those keeping track at home, that would be the fourth time we saw Jack’s “wait a minute, I know you” face when Shaft brought up Ana Lucia.

Speaking of Shaft, he looks to be the most interesting person new to the cast. It should be really interesting to see what happened in his back story to get him where he is today. He seems to be ridden with guilt for killing the two Others that tried to capture him to the point that he has done everything in his power to get Sawyer to the doctor. But one thing that has really bothered me is how he has a “Leave no man behind” philosophy where he helps Jim find Michael, helping Sawyer when some people wanted to leave him behind, yet him, and the rest of his group seem nonchalant about the chick that disappeared last week. I don’t even believe she was even mentioned this week. The taillies seem to care more about these people they just meet than someone that has been with them for forty eight days.

This week’s Veronica Mars started off interestingly enough with a dream sequence hinting at what Duncan really thinks about the girls he’s dated. Meg was in all white, backlit with a bright light, looking almost angelic while Veronica interrupts the vision in a black mesh top with a black bra underneath and a mini skit, mocking coma girl and literally slaps Duncan back into the real world. The dream could have been caused by two things, what transpired at the end of last episode at Meg’s house, even though that incident was never actually mentioned this episode keeping with this season tradition of not mentioning the surprising ending of the week before. The other possibility would be guilt over what he possibly did with Kendall last week. Whatever it was, it compelled Duncan to open the letter he took from Meg’s room last week that was from some dude named Chris Talley, a guy I don’t believe that we, the audience, have been introduced to. And what Chris wrote seemed to shock Duncan, but if the other show enders have shown us, we won’t learn what was on the note for a couple weeks.

Elsewhere in Neptune, the Jets and the Sharks are coming closer to a big rumble, oops, I mean PCH’ers and Fighting Fitzpatrick’s, sorry I always get the feuding Mics and Spics confused. And I wonder if that makes Veronica Maria (I just met a girl named Maria). But anyways. Actually it looks like their might be some collusion between the two as Weevil tries to get to the bottom of it after learning that the witness in the Felix murder case was in cahoots with the Fitzpatrick’s and there may also be some drug running inside his crew. Leading him to wonder if it really was Logan who killer Logan.

Then there was the case of the week with the Mars clan trying to figure out who was harassing the parents of one of the kids who died. Granted this was the most boring of the running storylines this episode but it did lead to Clemmon’s opening up the door with his robe open and Veronica making up the story of Mac having a crush on Butters Vincent which had be on the floor laughing. But the gay lover conclusions just had some conspicuous gaps to make the storyline entertaining as a whole.

Next week we get another Kate episode and the previews hint that we may actually find out why exactly she is on the run and why her dieing mother wouldn’t forgiver her. I’m leaning to she killed her stepfather. But it is Lost so don’t expect to get the whole story. Meanwhile on Veronica Mars we get somewhat of a Buffy reunion with both Willow and Cordelia appearing on the same episode, but since this isn’t Smallville, don’t expect any in-jokes like the did with Spike and the reunion of the real Bo and Luke Duke. As much as I want to learn what exactly Kate did, I have to give the edge to Veronica Mars next week based on the previews.

And for those of you Lost fanatics, be sure to check out the audio commentary for the previous episode on the official Lost podcast which you can sync up with the episode that you can buy threw iTunes, see link on the sidebar to get there.

Holiday Schedule 2005

First I’d like to wish a Happy Thanksgiving to everyone or for those outside the U.S. like to call it, Thursday. Just a heads up with the holidays upon us, here’s a look at the schedule the blog will be taking the next couple weeks. There is a link on the sidebar for future reference. Feel free to dive into the archives on days that I will be taking off and on day that are not listed, they will be filled by the regular reviews and such you have come to find at the 9^th Green (card subject to change):

November 24-25 – off for Thanksgiving
November 26 – Lost vs. Veronica Mars week 7
December 1 – Induction into the Scooter Hall of Fame
December 2 – Loss vs. Veronica Mars week 8
December 5 - Big in '05 Recap
December 7 – Grammy Nominations & Predictions
December 15 – Lyrics Quiz: Best of 2005
December 19 – Best Free Songs of 2005
December 23 – Worst Albums of 2005
December 24-25 – off for Christmas
December 26 – Worst Songs of 2005
December 27 – Best Albums of 2005
December 28 – Best Videos of 2005
December 29 – Best Mash-ups of 2005
December 30 – Top 100 Songs of 2005
December 31/Januray 1 – off for New Years
January 2 – Induction into the Scooter Hall of Fame

Record People Are Shady VI: Don't Mess with Texas

A couple days ago I mentioned how it was reported that Sony was putting in spyware embedded into their CD that would be transferred to anyone who put it into their computer’s CD drive (see Record People Are Shady V). I mentioned that that a layer should write up a class action lawsuit and apparently the Attorney General of Texas Greg Abbott was reading because of a new Texas law forbidding hidden tracking tools like the ones found on Sony’s CD’s. Says Abbott:

“Consumers who purchased a Sony CD thought they were buying music. Instead, they received spyware that can damage a computer, subject it to viruses and expose the consumer to possible identity crime.”

Now Sony claims to recall the affected CD’s last Friday but according to the Houston Chronicle they could still find the CD’s in question in local record stores. But that still doesn’t account for the 2 million CD’s that have already been sold. Abbott is seeking $100,000 for each infraction and if that includes all 4.9 million CD’s that were made, that would be (where’s my handy calculator) $490,000,000,000. God bless Texas. And if Ohio, or any other state for that matter, law makers need some quick cash, start up your lawsuits now.

Texas isn’t the only people getting in on the action, the Electronic Frontier Foundation, a nonprofit-free speech advocate, has joined in with a class-action suit. The EFF claims that the CD’s,

“degrades the performance of the (computer), opens new security vulnerabilities, and installs updates through an Internet connection to Sony BMG's servers. The software transmits data about users to [the software's maker] SunnComm through an Internet connection whenever purchasers listen to CDs, allowing the company to track listening habits — even though the [user agreement] states that the software will not be used to collect personal information and SunnComm's Web site says 'no information is ever collected about you or your computer”

And this lawsuit also includes not just the previously mentioned spyware but also includes CD’s with the anti-piracy software, MediaMax, which disallows the ability to rip your songs onto your iPod and most notable on the Dave Matthews Band’s Stand Up (and started my Record People Are Shady rants) and affects 20 million other CD’s.

To add insult to injury, their was a Newsweek article out this week decrying everything surrounding the Song debacle and essentially called the record people morons, “Punishing paying customers by giving them broken product is… insanity.”


Speaking of insanity, I happened to catch bits and pieces of the American Music Awards during the commercials of My Name Is Earl. Going into it I had no desire to watch the show because typically no one shows up to the AMA's (MIA this year were winners Green Day, Kelly Clarkson, Black Eyed Peas, Coldplay, Eminem, 50 Cent, and 2/3rds of Destiny’s Child) and there are no good performances because of the Grammys long standing rule that anyone who performs at the AMA’s won’t be asked to do so on the Grammys. At this point the AMA’s need to pack it up, back thirty years ago they may have been relevant being number two behind the Grammys but not they have slipped behind the Video Music Awards, Billboard Awards, Teen Choice Awards, Kids Choice Awards, and are barely above VH1’s Big in (insert year) Awards in terms of relevance.

I did seem to catch the worst of the worst with Lindsay Lohan’s performance of her new song that made Ashlee Simpson’s performance at the Orange Bowl last year sound like Pavarotti. Then inexplicably, she started to go into Stevie Nicks' Edge of Seventeen which was only listenable because Lohan was drowned out by her backing choir. But at least he went red again and is starting to get her breasts back. Maybe Lohan should have went the Hilary Duff root and just lip-sync. At least I think she was lip-syncing because I was unaware that someone was able to layer their voice live. The Grammy Awards can’t come soon enough. At least they have a ban on lip-syncing and piss-poor singing.

Am I the One Who Plays the Quiet Songs?

John Mayer exploded on the scene a couple years ago with acoustic driven pop songs like No Such Thing, which catapulted him to James Taylor of the 21st Century status and landing him in every co-ed’s music collection. Each song on Room for Squares was a well crafted pop song but if you caught him in concerts or at the very least head his live album Any Given Thursday, he yearned for a little more than your garden variety TRL acts with more bluesy versions of songs and Dave Matthew Band type jams. That transition continued with the more experimental Heavier Things that had a few straight up blues songs on it. Mayer recently completed his transformation into a blues artist when he dumped his touring band and repackaged himself as the John Mayer Trio with Steve Jordan on drums and Pino Palladino on bass with the group channeled the power trios of the past such as Cream and the Jimi Hendrix Experience.

The live album, Try!, starts off with How Did You Think I Was? with a riff so raw all the car companies are probably clambering as you read this to put it in their commercials even if it sound like a Lenny Kravitz rip-off, to be specific, Always on the Run. The lyrics sound as if they were a retort to anyone who questioned Mayer’s credibility, “Am I the one who plays the quiet songs? Is he the one who turns the ladies on?” But even with the power trio, Mayer can’t seem to get away from his lovelorn lyrics that populate his previous albums like on Good Love Is on the Way. And Mayer goes a little too far when he intros Out of Mind by joking the home of the blues is in Connecticut. You can even hear his band roll their eyes when he says this.

No concert is complete without a cover song or two. On Try! the trio runs through the Hendrix gem Wait Till Tomorrow. But the musicians truly gel for a funky version Ray Charles’ I Got a Woman. If you listen closely you can even hear Mayer emulate Kanye West’s Gold Digger, which samples the Charles classic, with his guitar. But when Mayer starts to sing, he ends up like sounding like he’s imitating Jamie Foxx imitating Ray Charles. The song was supposed to close out the show, but anyone who has ever been to a concert, there’s going to be an encore where people cheer for one or no. So after the prerequisite wait, Mayer and crew comes out and go through bluesier versions of song off of his last album, Daughters and Something’s Missing, the later slips back to his teen idol self with the call and response with the “checks” at the end of the song.

Song to Download – Who Do You Think I Was?

Try! gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.

Spoiled

One thing that has really bugging me lately is the advent of the spoiler, or worse the people who think it is common knowledge. The most recent example of this was with Shannon’s death on Lost. It was widely reported for months that a female cast member was going to die early in the second season of the show. Then people on message board would talk freely about it without giving a proper warning that they should so even those of us who didn’t want to be spoiled were anyways. And even though I was able to avoid exactly who was going to die since I was already told it was a female, that ruled out all but three people on the show and since there was no way they would kill off Kate, it then became a toss up between Shannon and Claire.

Then for the few who were able to avoid the spoilers entirely, the show itself let everyone that someone would die in the previews the episode before. And this is another problem that has arisen lately, with the previews giving away too much in the previews and it’s not just Lost, almost every other show does this these days. Is it really that hard to promote an episode without giving away major plot points? Yeah a lot of people turned in to find out who died but how many people stopped after that episode because all the drama has been sucked out of the show because you know pretty much everything that will happen. As soon as Shannon went into the jungle I knew that Ana Lucia was going to shoot her not know who she was. Yeah, I won’t be one of those who will just watching (just yet) but I do feel as embarrassed to watch Lost much like the reality shows on VH1.

But really the people who are to blame are the people that just have to know. And to them I have to ask “Why?” It’s obvious to me show are not as good if you know what’s a going to happen so why don’t you just wait like the rest of us? The easy answer is in our culture to always be first even if it’s the first to know what happens. But I ask to those who do enjoy the spoilers please keep it to yourselves or at the very least create you own top-secret spoiler message boards so as not to annoy those of us that want find things out as we watch our shows. And Lost isn’t the only show that will be ruined for me this season as I’ve run across a couple more deaths spoilers on other show that I watch that will likely ruin that show like it has brought down this season of Lost, but since I am compassionate, I won’t spoil it like the punks that did it to me.

With that all said within the next couple days I will be posting a review on the last Star Wars movie that will have a few spoilers throughout it. The difference between this and the Lost spoilers is that there has been plenty of time for everyone to see the movie. And Episode III is odd in that if you have already seen Episodes I, II, IV, V, and VI, you pretty know everything that’s going to happen anyways. So be sure to look out for that and if you haven’t seen the move, I still will put a spoiler warning at the beginning of the post as not to ruin it for you.

This Blog Is Not Meant to Disrespect any Woman

A couple days ago I mentioned the song from members of the Miami University football team also known as the Seventh Floor Crew and one of my readers was nice enough to send along the song that caused all the uproar among the blowhards across the country. And after listening to it the song isn’t as bad as they mad it out to be, it’s actually worse. And that’s not necessarily a bad thing. The song is very reminiscent of such old school N.W.A. classics as She Swallowed It and Just Don’t Bite It in that it is so over the top it becomes entertaining.

Oddly enough with all the reports of the multiple use of adjectives that typically put down woman, the song starts off with the disclaimer, “This song in its entirety is not meant to disrespect any woman, it its entirely.” Keep in mind that the line was spoken by a dude in college. Then the next line, which is also the chorus, goes “If your (gardening tool) only know that she was getting (expletive deleted) on the seventh floor. If that (expletive deleted) only knew she was getting moneyed by the whole damn crew.” The chorus itself is sung like Aaliyah’s If Your Girl Only Knew.

The song boils down to a nine minute ode to group sex but apparently the sex-ed classes down in Miami are working well because there are multiple references to condoms. At least one department down in Miami is doing their part to uphold higher learning standards unlike their English department. The standout rapper in the Wu-Tang size troupe is G-Reg (at least I think that’s what he called himself, these kids need to learn how to pronunciate, hopefully they have taken a Speech class since recording the song) who utters the best line, “C’mon fellas let’s get weird, stick your (expletive deleted) up in her ear.” That could possibly be the funniest rap lyric I have heard in a longtime. And again, if you find any of this offensive, you may want to avoid every boy’s dorm across the country on every university because this type of language is all you are going to hear.

I Won't Walk the Line

Much like today where you wouldn’t see me in front of the television watching rivalry week (scroll down to read why), one movie you will not be seeing me this at weekend is Walk the Line. Granted you won’t see me at the Harry Potter movie due to the fact I’ve been through puberty, but that a whole different subject. The reason why I will pass on Walk the Line is not because I don’t like Johnny Cash, I quite a few of his albums and one of the few respectable country artist in the genre because he doesn’t insult the intelligent of his audience. The reason why I will pass on the film is because, much like last year’s Ray, why would I want to watch a fabricated bio-flick when I can just spend the time listening to the music.

My ban on the bio-flick goes back a couple years when I heard Will Smith would be playing the title character in Ali. Seriously, the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air as a boxer. And why did Ali even need a bio-flick when you could just watch the documentary When We Were Kings instead? And these bio-flicks take way to many liberties just to make the movies more feel good most notably The Hurricane with Denzel Washington who made the Rubin Carter look like a much better fighter than he actually was. Walk the Line looks like it won’t be an exception. A child Cash had with his first wife complained that the film made her mom look like a villain to the point where Kathy Cash walked out of a private screening.

Another problem I have with the bio-flick is how they are almost automatically Oscar worthy for the actors with both Joaquin Phoenix and Reese Witherspoon getting the buzz that always surround such film and led the dude from Booty Call to win Best Actor last year. But the thing is that portraying a real person is much easier than creating a completely new character that no one knows. So a bio-flick actor winning an Oscar is essentially like an Olympic diver winning the gold even though he did dives at the lowest difficulty. But when it comes down to it, when I look at the trailer to Walk the Line, I don’t see Johnny & June, I only see Joaquin and Reese. So instead of heading down to the multiplex this weekend, I’ll instead put on The American Recordings and wonder what it would be like to shoot a man in Reno just to watch him die.

Are You Ready for Some Football... Um, Not Really

Tomorrow is rivalry week in college football so you can catch me glued... well, in bed. Even being stuck in between the biggest rivalry in college football, Ohio State-Michigan, I could care less. Maybe it’s because I went to a college that culminated just a couple more wins while I was there than the amount of years I attended. I remember back to freshman orientation where the school President said that if we won a game, we had her full permission to tear down the goal post. So we hauled down to Dix Stadium (seriously, that’s the name) every other week. Of course did not win one home game that season and for subsequence years we learned it was the tradition to leave the game at half time.

But I am a die hard Golden Flash so, unlike many turncoats in my state, I can not cheer for any other team. If you like Ohio State so much, why did you not go there, they do have a 100% acceptance rate so it’s not like you would have been turned down. Then there is the entirely different type of group, the type that root for Ohio State even though they dropped out of high school. So I’ll be sleeping most of the weekend because I would sooner watch women’s golf before college football, just make sure you wake me up in time for me to fill out my March Madness brackets.

Although there was one college football story that has caught my eye this year and that is the fledgling rap troupe down at Miami. Unfortunately I have not gotten my hands on a copy of the debut single from Seventh Floor Crew (send it along if you do know where I can find it) but I heard that there is an F-bomb about ever fifth word and routinely talk in French and refer to gardening tools. The song has ruffled the feathers of blowhards everywhere because they are up in arm. Apparently these people haven’t been in a boys’ dorm in the last decade, by what I hear is on the song is what is talked about in every college dorm and locker room across the land. If you want to get mad at someone, rip on 50 Cent because he says the exact same thing except he get paid for it and that’s who these kids, and kids much young than them, emulate these days.

Toss Up: Lost vs Veronica Mars week 6

It’s head to head time again with the Veronica Mars once again trying to play David to Lost’s Goliath. Last week was a squash with Lost producing one of the worst episodes in the history of television. So how does Lost rebound, by going back to what drew everyone into the show in the first place, having a plane crash on a deserted island. Although this time threw the eyes of the people in the back of the plane. And all the episode seemed to accomplish was to poke more holes into many of the plot points already established.

My biggest complaint is with the Others or Them as the tailies refer to the group of unknowns. In the last couple episodes the tailies made Them out to be some unstoppable beast with Ana Lucia going as far as to say one bullet wouldn’t be enough to stop Them. But as we saw last night Shaft was able to kill two of them with his bare hands and Ana Lucia herself took out one of Them quite easily. There was nothing that happened last night the hinted that Them were as scary as the Tailies made Them out to be to the point where Ana Lucia would shoot first and ask questions later.

Then there was Ana Lucia’s whole confrontation with Goodwin. After forty-eight day she is just now realizing the he was with Them? And if her big argument was that he wasn’t in the water why does he give himself up, why did he just not shoot back, I landed there, just next to Bernard and that’s how I found him? But instead, like a Bond villain, he gave up his plan. Granted this lead him to the reveal that Them took the “good” people. And while were are on Goodwin, didn’t Shaft tell Jin that he was a good man and was killed by Them when they passed by his corpse while searching for Michael? Was this a glaring mistake or did Ana Lucia lie to the other tailies about how Goodwin died?

Another glaring admission was that one of the tailes mentioned that the plane was a hundred miles of course and doubted that there would be a rescue plane. How did she know this? The main cast didn’t find this out until they found the pilot and he told them. Was everyone completely not paying attention when the pilot announced this? Was this somehow only announced in the back of the plane? These types of questions have been ruining Lost this season.

I forgot to pay attention in the beginning to notice if the chick from came out of the ocean at the beginning, but I still think that she is part of the experiments from the bunker film. If she was on the plane, I bet she was the reason why it went down. Also it was pretty obvious that Dr. Burton wasn’t the spy. C’mon, it was Dr. Burton. But begs the question after Dr. Burton and Carol Vessey, who’s next to show up on the island, Warren? Molly? Ed himself? Personally I vote for Stubb because he defiantly needs something to do in between tapings of I Love the (insert decade here).

Then to end the show, we once again got to see Shannon die again reminding us how much last week sucked. And I’m sure, just like we got to see the going down the hatch three time, we may see Shannon die one more time, maybe from the dog’s point of view. So that’s why they need the extended episode so we can see something we already have before? And since when is four minutes extended?


Veronica Mars this week took a page out of the Lost playbook by having fifty minutes of nothing much happening, but an extra shocking last ten minutes. Not that the first part was void of any entertainment, Dick buying Kendall a French Maid outfit was classic and certainly the cigar shop Veronica when to will come into play later. And after the parade of familiar faces last week, we get another one this week with an appearance of Madison Sinclair last seen being revealed as the person behind Veronica’s drugging, who gave the line of the week when she said “My Dick?” For some reason that had me on the floor laughing, and yes, I know my mind needs to get out of the gutter. And with each passing episode I am more convinced that the Goodman family is at the heart of the bus crash. And this week we meet the paranoid son and the creepy mother. Not to mention Woody’s master plan of turning much of Neptune into a city.

But even since Meg’s sister brought Duncan Meg’s secret computer I figured that the family had a dark secret. So when Duncan mentioned that Meg had been in contact with child’s services, my first thought was her parents. That may have led to why I was a little down on the episode because I had it figured out from the beginning. But the wild goose chase did end back at the Manning household leading to the big ending. And with the line “Funny, my dad said the same thing” Sheriff Lamb turned from a crooked cop into something much more complex. This lead to Lamb to let Veronica, who Lamb never passes up a chance to mess with, go then heads back to the Manning homestead, where he sits in front of their house with his lights off. It should be interesting where his character goes from here.

My biggest problem with this episode was how it completely ignored what happened last week. There was no mention of the murder of Amelia DeLongpre or what Keith found under the seat in the bus. And this wasn’t the first time the show has ignored something that happened in the pervious episode most notable ignoring the Casablancas clan after Big Dick took off in his helicopter. Also I really don’t like how they put in scenes from the end of the episode into the previews. Knowing that Veronica and Duncan would be caught somewhat ruined this episode knowing all episode it would eventually happen much like a couple weeks ago with Veronica mentioning “They all died because of me” which turned out to be the last scene of that episode. But Veronica Mars once again was more entertaining this week than loss giving it a 5-1 advantaging in the season series.

Looking ahead to next week, I predict the first half of Lost will be mired in conversations like “You found a bunker? We found a bunker too.” “You had weird people steal some of your people? We had weird people try to steal some one of us too.” “You have a sketchy past that you spend hours upon hours reflecting on? I have a sketchy past that I spend hours upon hours reflecting on too.” Then the last coupe minutes their will be a big conformation between Ana Lucia and Sayid that will be interesting enough to con people into watching the next week.

As for Veronica Mars, it looks like she will finally get caught using one of her aliases at a bad time while trying to help Logan clear his name while Logan goes before “The People’s Court” which was obviously Weevil’s buddies. I am starting to believe that it was Logan who did it which is my big prediction of the week.

Oh, There's Nothing Like Oklahoma

Due to my morals, I try to avoid anything that is on Fox. Plus I prefer my karaoke to be performed by people with little to none talent much like Larry Holmes on But Can They Sing? So needless to say I have missed all but a couple of seconds of American Karaoke aside from some big black dude butchering one of my favorite songs of all time, Smokey Robinson’s The Tracks of My Tears. And it’s not like the American Karaoke champions have had much staying power aside from Kelly Clarkson even though many people will classify her only as a guilty pleasure.

But the latest queen of karaoke, Some Hearts - Carrie Underwood, shares the same qualities that has helped Clarkson to the top while the other champions in between have lacked, Underwood and Clarkson are both have the cute, down home, girl next door appeal. Just look at Underwood’s album cover with the playing in the field feel to it. She could sound like Biz Markie and still be able to sell some records on charm alone. And that charm went along way because, even though she has a decent voice, it’s doubtful she would have won if American Karaoke was a radio contest instead of on TV.

The songs on Underwood’s first album, Some Hearts, can be divided into two different camps, the one’s that will be marketed to the pop audience and those that will appeal more to country fans. Those songs even seem to alternate every other one to mix things up. The standout “pop” song is the album opener, Wasted, a nice little ditty about making sure you get the most out of life.

As for the “country” songs, there is nothing more entertaining on this album than Before He Cheats which takes a page out of the Goodbye Earl handbook about how to deal with a bad boyfriend. “And he don't know that I dug my key into the side of his pretty little suped up 4 wheel drive, carved my name into his leather seat, I took a Louisville slugger to both head lights, slashed a hole in all 4 tires.” Now I’m pretty sure if you carve your name into the seats, he may have a premonition that it was you that did it, but in no way ruins the entertainment value of the song. And you also have to give Underwood, a glorified karaoke queen, props for throwing in the line, “Right now, she's probably up singing some white-trash version of Shania karaoke.” That takes a pair, even for a girl. Also in the song she sings about the girl in question, “right now, he's probably buying her some fruity little drink cause she can't shoot whiskey.” Now is Underwood is able to do this, I totally want to hang out with this chick.

Even the other “country” song avoids the pitfall of many current country hits of insulting my intelligent. Seriously, She Thinks My Tractor's Sexy? I could actually feel my IQ drop when I heard that song. But anyways. Aside from wondering where Walmart is during the country girl in the big city tale of I Ain't in Checotah Anymore she sticks with classic country model of good storytelling. Night Before (Life Goes On) almost plays like a southern version of Fast Car with two young kids in love looking for a better life out of town but for now, “He’s got a Friday paycheck lined up down the block at daddy’s shop it ain’t much but its a job.”

There are quite a few songs that are filled with more cheese than most McDonald stores most notable the Jesus Take the Wheel. The song is just bogged down in over the top melodrama. Other songs are mired with clichés like, “Some pages turned, some bridges burned, but there were lessons learned” (Lessons Learned) and “I guess it’s gonna hurt to hurt” (Starts with Goodbye). If she can get ride of these types of overused devises, she may just yet live up to the title of American Idol.

Song to Download – (If you’re a little bit country) Before He Cheats; (If you a little bit rock n roll) Wasted

Some Hearts gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.