57 Channels and Only This Is On: 5/22/16

Once Upon a Time: The best part (and really, increasingly the only good part) of the show is the pre-tease break. Except this season they defeated Hades in the anti-penultimate episode and we got a two hour tease of what is to come next. Color me uninterested already. So we meet Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde who split themselves into two different entities which was just introduced to have the Evil Queen and Regina at the same time. I am guess they are going to explain the Evil Queen did not die from her heart being crushed because she is so evil she does not even have a heart. And how good is purely good Regina if she is willing crush someone’s heart? I was more in in the quick page flip in the books in the library where we saw Paul Bunyan and Babe the Blue Ox. I would rather take a trip through American folklore than a severely watered down version of Penny Dreadful.
You can download Once Upon a Time on iTunes.

House of Lies: It was pretty clear that movie producers in the eighties were doing copious amounts of cocaine by the types of movies they greenlit: a mannequin romantic comedy, one with a dead guy as the main character, both inexplicably got sequels. But the most shocking movie that got made with 20/20 hindsight was the feel good racist comedy Soul Man where noted white dude C. Thomas Howell takes tanning pills to get a scholarship for African-Americans. With all the outrage of blackface and cultural appropriation these days I thought we would never see that storyline ever again. It probably also lessens the outrage by having black guy (with a white mother) play the faker as white people do not care much about whiteface. Though I still do not know how there was not more outrage surrounding White Chicks.

Penny Dreadful: So Vanessa has met Dracula before. I thought we would get a lengthy flashback in a future episode; instead we get a one minute scene tacked on the end of the episode. Maybe it is just a tease for a lot more flashbacks next week. And was that even Dracula? It looked more like Frankenstein’s monster in his previous life without hair. And about Frank, was that remembering his younger self? Bu it looked like that kid was near death. Unless Dr. Frankenstein implanted a child’s brain into the monster’s body. Or maybe he has residual memories of all his body parts. As for his creator, we did learn his buddy’s experiment is only temporary. The question now is has Dr. Jekle already taken his cure or does that come later?

Quantico: No wonder Asher could not make it at Quantico, dude was not even smart enough to jump out of the car before it went over the bridge. But then again, how smart am I for making it all the way through the season?
You can download Quantico on iTunes.

Gotham: How disappointing that Hugo Strange is implanting new personas in the people he resurrects but Fish Mooney remembers who she was. I thought we were finally going to learn what Batman villain she turns in to. But we did get Clayface… I think.
You can download Gotham on iTunes.

Blindspot: Wow that was the worst death scene in recent memory. But I guess when you are killed off a show, why bother trying anymore (well except if you hope to get more work somewhere else). But maybe the bigger bombshell was that Kurt’s father confessed to killing Taylor Shaw like everyone thought prior to Jane Doe showing up with markers saying she was and was not Taylor. We do have to wait until the finale to see if this was the ratings of a delusional man or a real bedside confession, but you have to assume it is the latter. Unless, could this be an Orphan Black situation and Jane Doe is a clone of Taylor? That could be really interesting and explain the DNA inconsistencies.
You can download Blindspot on iTunes.

Castle: It was probably for the best that ABC canned this show, most shows have a shelf life of five seasons if they are lucky so eight is enough (bad old person’s pun intended). But oh, was that final scene crammed in. I guess we can assume had the show been renewed and Kate was not returning, she does not survive the gunshot. Actually that scene seemed crammed in to as if they tacked that on after learning Stana Katic was not coming back.
You can download Castle on iTunes.

Marvel’s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.: Gee, and I just got done talking about the worst death scene, this one came pretty close with Hive and low rent Electro bro-ing down before their inevitable deaths. And this is exactly why I hate it when shows open up X amount of time in the future before flashing back, we knew someone die and Yoyo’s cross had something to do with it and then in the last episode five different characters played hot potatoes with it. But of course Electro ended up with it because there can be no happy couples on a Weadon show (Really the only fake out they had was when Fitz had the cross for a scene). But hey at least we finally got rid of Ward… unless he turns out to be what the Irish doctor was working on. Please no. That body did look feminine. A mate for Vision? Also six months in the future Daisy has gone rouge and Coulson is reporting to a director (is that Talbert or is there a new head of SHIELD). And why six months? The show seems to move in real time and six months puts us in November when presumably the season will start in late September. Doctor Strange comes out in November but I doubt there will be much cross over with that movie. I wonder if we will have to wait a month or two until we see that scene and prior to that is Coulson searching for Daisy or in that basically where the season will start?
You can download Marvel's Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. on iTunes.

The Path: All season I have ping-ponged back and forth predicting this character is going to join the cult while that one would be joining. Here we are with one episode left and it looks like I was wrong every time. There was a time I thought FBI guy would join, but after his diatribe with Eddie, that is never going to happen, especially after learning Allison’s husband did die under suspicious circumstances. And Allison looks to be coming back into the fold (although that may not last long after she sees the autopsy. I thought the teens would run away together, and Hawk actually did leave, but sneaky Cal nipped that in the bud. But the biggest transition is Eddie. They teased his moments of doubt early in the season, but mostly re-found his way after time in the program in the room. Was that punch his way of exiting the cult?
You can stream The Path on Hulu.

Survivor: Brains vs. Brawn vs. Beauty II: Usually I have a good sense of how the winds are blowing going into the finals but I was a bit shocked at how Aubrey did not win and it was not even because of that silly evict a jury member (worst twist since Redemption Island). Sure her Final Tribal was less than stellar (how do you not play up how well you adapted after your two biggest allies were pulled from the game?). But congratulations to Michele who did a much better job playing up her underdog role than Aubrey. Poor Tai, does not even get a pity vote. I originally thought it was a bad decision to split the votes and not take Cydney to the final three but in retrospect, I am not sure it matter with Michele winning either way. Maybe Cydney wins the Jury Veto (which is a stretch because for a Brawn, she was not that great in challenges) and bans Julia, then maybe Tai could have gotten Aubrey, Joe, Neil, and Debbie, but I think instead, Michele wins by a larger margin.

But Michele winning was not the biggest shock of the night, seriously, what was Sia doing there? And was that even really her? In real time it sounded to me her accent was coming and going. If it was, Sia just continues to get weirder. Wow. Then we got a tease for next season: Millennials vs. Gen X. Meh. Didn’t the last time they separated end up being an epic fail (that would be the Jimmy Johnson season that was won by Fabio). Probably one of the bottom five seasons of all time. And just by the trailer the Millennials were getting on my nerve already. If they are going to divide by age, I wish they would have done three of four tribes: people in the their twenties, thirties, and forties plus, and maybe fifties plus.
You can download Survivor: Brains vs. Brawn vs. Beauty II on iTunes.

The Americans: Kind of a throwaway episode because I never thought Reverend Tim was ever in much danger. Really having an emotionally pregnant woman now knowing their secret was the bigger danger. The more ingesting part of the episode was Stan’s old boss getting approached by the KGB. I kind of wanted him to take the offer. Instead he runs through a glass door. Not the best escape plan. It will be interesting how this effects the main storyline.
You can download The Americans on iTunes.

The Challenge: Rivals III: The first challenge really suck, now this, this is the challenge I have come to know and love, grinding on a bar of soap. Awesome. Not so awesome is replacing LeRoy with some nobodies. Actually worse than nobody, somebody who thinks acting crazy will get them more screen time. More annoying was T.J. canceling the Jungle for no good reason. So that is two of three episodes where no one when home.
You can download The Challenge: Rivals III on iTunes.

The Blacklist: There was never a point where I thought Lizzie was dead, the only question I had was who helped her. I had thought it was whoever was trying to kidnap Lizzie but it ended up being Tom and Red’s henchwoman. And I long assumed the person that was trying to kidnap was her not so dead mother. Nope, wrong again, it was her dad, or someone claiming to be her dad. That puts a crinkle in my long theory that Red was Lizzy’s dad. After the chunkiness of this season (somewhat reasonable due to a real life pregnancy) this sets up a very interesting season four.
You can download The Blacklist on iTunes.

Orphan Black: Crystal is quickly moving up my Clone Power Ranking. She almost made me forget there was no Allison this week. Almost. Seriously, do not make me go a week without an Allison fix.
You can download Orphan Black on iTunes.