All Those Other Girls, Well They’re Beautiful, But Would They Write a Song for You?

Taylor Swift recently promoted her latest album Taylor Swift (as in or forever hold your peace) on new channel The Hub. Despite there being much more prominent youth leaning channels around, The Hub is appropriate in that it is co-own by gaming king Hasbro because Speak Now includes the biggest game sweeping the nation: What boys are her songs about? Despite promising in her Target advertisement that she would be naming names, only one name appears on the album: John which most everybody has assumed is John Mayer (but I am holding out hope that it is in fact about Judd Hirsch, star of eighties sitcom Dear John).

So all the other songs on Speak Now, we are left to our own devises to figure out who the other songs about. Innocent is a gimmie considering Swift introed the song at the most recent Video Music Awards with last year’s debacle concerning Kanye West. And the lyric about a thirty-two year old (coincidentally the same age as John Mayer) who is still growing up pretty much confirms as much. Also highly likely is Taylor Launder is the subject of Back to December which mentions the first time the subject of song saw her cry was in September, the month of the Kanye incident in which Lautner was on stage for as the presenter. And is the “chain hanging on your door” a leash reference?

The other songs you will have to make your own conjectures, the most interesting of which is Better in Revenge where Swift turns her visceral hate toward the other woman. The girl in question is “not a saint and she’s not what you think, she’s an actress. She’s better known for the things that she does on the mattress.” Oh snap. So who has dated a Taylor ex, is an actress, wears vintage dresses, and has an easily rhymable name. Could it be Joe Jonas rebound girl Camille Belle? Of course John Mayer’s expanding harem is too long to hypothesize.

Wondering which song is about who is the biggest problem with Speak Now. Her previous albums were fun because we didn’t have to decipher whose pictures she was burn or who should have said no because they were just random dudes from Pennsylvania. During her cup of coffee with John Mayer, he should have warned her that no one wants to her a concept album about dating and breaking up with Jennifer Aniston, which is also why Counting Crows became not as entertaining a decade earlier. No one wants to hear people sing about famous people

Speak Now is the first album Swift wrote on her own and it shows, but not in a good way. It is clear she still need help with some phrasing and melody. Or just someone to say the title track was not a good idea to write about breaking up a wedding as many lines in the song are just cringeworthy. Never Grow Up is highly skipable or just might as well had been called Fourteen.

With that said, Speak Now is still a solid pop album (her transition away from country is complete here, and the label has only stuck for marketing reasons). The first single Mine is a fun and natural progression of someone who once sung fairytales like Love Story and is ready to grow up. The banjo infused Mean, the closest she gets to country, is a more entertaining attack song than Better Than Revenge where she unloads on the talking heads who rip on her inability to sing live. And Taylor truly grows for Haunted which sonically more stunning than anything she has done before and dabbles in hard rock and may be the greatest song Avril Lavigne has never recorded.

But Taylor, before your next album, you may want to try and find Drew for some inspiration because no one is going to want to hear songs about Jake Gyllenhaal.

Song to Download – Haunted

Speak Now gets a on my Terror Alert Scale.